PART 20

US MILITARY DISCIPLINARY BARRACKS
LEAVENWORTH, KANSAS
VISITOR’S AREA
6 JULY 2007
1020 ZULU

Colonel Mathew O’Hara sat across from his niece, eyeing suspiciously the CIA agent skulking in the corner. He looked completely out of place with the young blue-eyed toddler.

“I don’t like the looks of him, Sarah. Get him out of here.”

Mac blushed slightly, wondering what her Uncle would have thought if he knew she had once dated the man. Then she smiled a bit and leaned in to him at a whisper, “I understand Uncle Matt – believe me. It’s just that we need his help right now.”

Matthew O’Hara nodded imperceptibly as she leaned back. “Sarah, where’s Harm?” he asked cautiously.

Mac suddenly looked crestfallen. “That’s the problem, Uncle Matt. Harm’s been arrested.” She kept her voice low so that Evan wouldn’t hear.

“What?!” It was the last thing he’d expected to hear from her. “When? How?!”

“Listen carefully – I’m going to go over this briefly with as much as I know, and then Webb is going to bring Evan over so you can talk to him. I’m afraid he was a little too young to remember you from his last visit.”

O’Hara cracked a small smile. “I can imagine. I can’t believe how much he’s grown. Although being Harm’s son – it’s not surprising.” He suddenly turned sober again and faced Mac. “OK – tell me what’s going on and how I can help.”

“Well,” Mac took a deep breath, “Harm’s been accused of funding terrorist activities. Apparently they’ve connected him to a Swiss Bank account that they were able to tie directly to the London Bombings two years ago. It's totally bogus of course and Harm and I are positive that the man behind it is incarcerated here – Clark Palmer – you know him?”

O’Hara nodded affirmatively. “Oh yeah – I know him well.”

“Does he know you’re my Uncle?”

“Yes – he’s taunted me more than a couple of times about you. I wasn’t aware that he had it in for Harm though.”

“Yeah – there’s a long standing feud there. Harm is responsible for him being here in the first place… actually, he put him here two or three times as a matter of fact.”

“I see.”

“Uncle Matt – Palmer is obsessed with keeping Harm in a “Wilderness of Mirrors” – you know the term?”

“Yes”

“I don’t think it’s his intention to hurt him or any of us… or even to make this a permanent incarceration. I think he knows he will get found out eventually – he just wants to put Harm through as much torment as he can right now – let him know that Palmer is the one in control and let Harm know that he can do it to him any time he wants at the drop of a hat. Palmer is twisted that way.” She paused thoughtfully and took a breath.
“We hadn’t heard from him in a while and we thought he’d pretty much given up, but now it’s evident that this is not the case. Once again he’s playing on Harm’s intense protective instincts. God knows they were bad enough before, but obviously now that there’s a family involved….” Mac hesitated and looked absent-mindedly back at her son. “Well, Palmer has obviously found out about this somehow and is doing his best to torment him – to keep him away from everything he holds dear and to cause him to be powerless to protect us. He knows what that would do to Harm… what it *is* doing to him...” She bit her lip to keep the emotions in check.

“How is he holding up, Sarah?”

Mac’s eyes brimmed with tears, but she offered a small smile and bobbed her head up and down. “He’s trying Uncle Matt, but… well… you know Harm.”

O’Hara smiled himself. “He’s going crazy, isn’t he?”

They both laughed as Mac sniffed and continued to nod in the affirmative, “Pretty much – yeah.”

O’Hara turned serious again. “What do you need me to do, Sarah? You know I’d do anything for you two…” he then corrected himself as he eyed the small boy leaning up against the far wall, staring back at him with wisdom beyond his years. “… for you *three*.”

Mac leaned forward to outline their plan.

BELMARSH PRISON
SOUTHEAST LONDON
4 AUGUST 2007
1620 ZULU

Harm felt his heart start to race as he walked into the room and saw Clayton Webb waiting for him. He fumbled for the telephone and searched Webb’s eyes – looking for answers to the questions that were spinning around in his head.

“Is there something wrong with Mac?” Harm’s mouth was desperately trying to produce saliva.

“Rabb, everything’s fine – don’t worry. *I* needed to see you.”

Harm put the telephone down on the desk with obvious relief and turned away from Webb momentarily. When he’d collected himself, he spun back on the agent – mask firmly in place.

“What do you want Webb?” He attempted to keep the disgust out of his voice, knowing that Webb was actually in the process of trying to help him.

“We need to talk.”

“Sorry buddy,” he spat sarcastically, “if you want me to volunteer for one of your infamous missions, I’m sorry to say I’m temporarily unavailable.”

Webb just chuckled – he knew it wasn’t going to be a walk in the park to talk to Rabb, but he had things he needed to say and wasn’t going to be easily dissuaded.

“Very funny *Harm*. Actually I’ve come to discuss your case.”

Harm suddenly turned serious. “You’ve had a break?”

Webb was momentarily unable to meet Harm’s eyes and instead, traced his finger over the desk in front of him. “No… we haven’t...” He finally brought his eyes up and looked at him squarely through the glass. “… and I don’t think we’re going to get one.”

Harm’s heart froze in his chest, but his face refused to show emotion. “Why not?” he said quietly.

Webb took a breath and spoke apologetically. “Look, I’m sorry Harm but we’ve been at this for almost two months now and we’ve got nothing to show for it. Kershaw has withdrawn my resources lately – I’m now down to a team of three… including myself…”

Harm looked down and leaned back in his chair – not entirely trusting his ability to stay in his seat. He thought he felt the room starting to spin. Webb’s voice brought him back to reality.

“… Listen, I just thought you guys should know where we stand now… that it’s not looking too positive…”

Harm’s head snapped up. “Have you discussed this with Mac?”

“No, I was downtown and thought I’d come to see you first… I was heading over there next…”

“Well don’t”

Webb shrugged his shoulders. “Sure Rabb, whatever you want.” He eyed him warily, “but she deserves to know this you know…”

“It’s none of your business, Clay”.

Webb nodded his head. “Right… uh… listen, speaking of that… there’s something else I’ve been wanting to say to you.”

“I’m listening.”

Clay looked up hesitantly. “I’m flying out of town tonight, and I don’t know when I’m going to be back so I wanted to get this off my chest. I just… well, I never really thanked you for saving my life back in Paraguay.” He looked down at his hand on the table and laughed. “Actually, if I remember correctly, I thanked you by blatantly taking advantage of a situation and exploiting it to my own purpose.”

Harm just stared at him through the glass.

“I just want you to know that… well, I was at a particularly low part of my existence and I was acting out of desperation… and well… I’m not proud of that.” He was finally able to meet Harm’s eyes again. “I never should have interfered between you two – I knew it was wrong but I couldn’t help myself. I suddenly saw myself with a chance and I had to run with it… anyway…I guess it’s just that… well, I once had the honour of considering you a friend, and I threw that friendship away over my own selfishness. After the dust had settled I lost two good friends and my own self respect. I’m sorry Harm.”

Harm breathed out and scrubbed his hand over his face. “I appreciate your apology Clay.”

“But you can’t forgive me.” It was a statement more than a question.

Harm squinted at Webb through the glass. “Honestly Clay, I don’t know how I feel. I’d like to be the better man and say I forgive you, but I don’t know that I’d be being honest.”

Webb backed off with a wave of his hand. “I understand. You don’t have to explain.”

“But Webb?”

“Yeah?”

“I *do* want to thank you for all of your help trying to get me out of here.”

Clay smiled. “Hey, it’s the least I can do. I’m sorry it didn’t help more.”
Sensing a conclusion, Webb decided to make his departure. “Well Rabb – good luck. I *will* keep trying you know.”

“I know – thanks.”

Harm sat at the cubicle watching Webb’s exit, knowing he was witnessing his only hope walking out the door.

HARM AND MAC’S HOUSE
WILLESDEN GREEN
LONDON, NW2
20 DECEMBER 2007
1937 ZULU

Mac stared sullenly out her kitchen window as she finished the last of the supper dishes. She couldn’t believe it had been over six months since this whole nightmare had begun. Things had progressed so painfully slowly. And to her knowledge they were no closer now to making the connection than they were then. Both Webb and Gibbs had kept her updated regularly – she knew they were trying their best, but she was filled with a sense of unbelievable anger at the injustice of it all - furious that Palmer had been successful this long in his plan to torment Harm. Six months ago she was sure they were going to be all over him like white on rice – now he was still the one laughing… she was sure he was… and she was left helpless here to watch Harm hang on to his sanity by a thread. The only thing keeping his spirits up was the fact that Mac was able to visit him more regularly. Now he was just a plain prison inmate.

Nothing had gone as planned – no miraculous connection had been found – even Gibbs had gotten frustrated. Their plan to attack Palmer from the inside had gone nowhere. He hadn’t fallen for Uncle Matt’s goading no matter how hard they had tried to trip him up. Matt had even suggested that it was making Palmer stronger somehow – like he was secure in the knowledge he was playing them like circus animals.

She knew Harm had been taking out his frustrations at the prison gym. He had always had a runner’s body – that was his preferred choice of a workout – using weights only to keep his upper body toned. Now he was getting bigger and bigger in the arms and chest every time she saw him. She had to concentrate not to stare at his massive biceps whenever she went for a visit – had to stop herself from fantasizing about trailing her finger down the protruding vein that now snaked it’s way over his right bicep and into the crease on the inside of his elbow… had that always been there? Maybe it had –it was just now so much more prominent now.

To make matters worse, Evan was about to turn two and Harm wasn’t going to be there. She purposely hadn’t mentioned Evan’s birthday to her own son. A part of her felt so guilty for this, but she knew there was no way he would remember his birthday from last year. Christmas would be an entirely different matter however. He hadn’t missed Thanksgiving at all, but Christmas was so commercial… he kept asking her when Santa was coming… she wouldn’t be able to lie about this one.

He had at one time asked if Santa could bring Daddy home, but that had been months ago – now she was getting worried that he had forgotten who Harm was altogether. She tried to mention him as much as possible so that wouldn’t happen, but she could tell that his Daddy was just becoming an ‘abstract concept’ to him as opposed to the tangible person he’d once remembered.

Her mind was snapped out of her daydream by a small sound behind her. She turned and smiled at her son as he padded into the kitchen all ready for bed in his “Toy Story” footed pyjamas. He grinned at her with that wonderful/awful flyboy smile he had already perfected – Harm’s smile - and lifted his pyjama top up to expose his tummy like he had a habit of doing. She had to laugh.

“Weddy fo’ bed, Mum. You weed me a stowee?” he shoved his favourite book at her. A.A. Milne’s book of poetry “Now We Are Six.” Harm had bought him the set – this one and “When We Were Very Young” on Evan’s first birthday. He said his father had always read him these when he was a boy. Mac had never heard of them before, but she had to admit – they were very cute. She had originally thought that they would be way above Evan, but whether it was the rhyme or the way Harm read them to him, he had loved them immediately. Since Harm had been gone, Evan had attached himself to these two books even more.

Mac patted Evan on the behind softly with the book and shoed him up the stairs to his bedroom. They settled on the bed in the darkened room – with just the bedside lamp illuminating the soft pastel walls. Mac loved this old house – this room especially – it still had an old coal fireplace in one corner. It had long since been blocked up, but Evan had used the space to place all of his “Pooh” characters from “The Hundred Acre Wood”.

Evan turned the page to where he wanted her to read – he knew this book well. “Dis one, Mummy.”

Mac’s shoulders fell. Anything but this one. It was stupid she knew, but this one was painful for her recently. It used to make her smile when she read it because Harm had jokingly told her once it reminded him of all those years they had spent together as Batman and Robin… Butch and Sundance… now it just served to remind her even more of the absence of her other half.

“Oh honey, why don’t we read this one – ‘The Knight Who’s Armour Didn’t Squeak’ – that’s a good one!”

Evan just shook his head adamantly. “No Mummy - *DIS* one!” he pointed his tiny finger at the picture on the page.

Mac blew her bangs off of her forehead. “OK sweetheart.” She took a deep breath;

'Wherever I go, there’s always Pooh,
There’s always Pooh and Me.
Whatever I do, he wants to do,
“Where are you going to-day?” says Pooh;
“Well, that’s very odd, ‘cos I was too.
Let’s go together.” Says Pooh, says he.
“Let’s go together.” Says Pooh…*

[‘Sniff’ – ‘C’mon MacKenzie – suck it up, now.’]

“Let’s look for dragons,” I said to Pooh.
“Yes let’s,” said Pooh to me.
We crossed the river and found a few-
“Yes, those are dragons all right,” said Pooh.
As soon as I saw their beaks I knew.
That’s what they are,” said Pooh, said he.
“That’s what they are,” said Pooh.

“Let’s frighten the dragons,” I said to Pooh
“That’s right,” said Pooh to Me.
“I’m not afraid,” I said to Pooh,
And I held his paw and I shouted “Shoo!
Silly old dragons!” – and off they flew.
“I wasn’t afraid,” said Pooh, said he,
“I’m *never* afraid with you.”

[‘Sniff’ – ‘Damn – why does he always want to read *this* story?!]

So wherever I am, there’s always Pooh,
There’s always Pooh and Me.
“What would I do?” I said to Pooh,
“If it wasn’t for you,” and Pooh said: “True,
It isn’t much fun for One, but Two
Can stick together,” says Pooh, says he.
“That’s how it is,” says Pooh.’

By the time Mac had reached the end, there were tears streaming down her face and she was sniffing uncontrollably. ‘C’mon Marine – get a grip.’ She thought. ‘You can’t let a stupid nursery rhyme make you go all to pieces.’

It was then she looked down at her son and her heart jumped into her throat. Evan was looking back at her with his father’s expression. The one that Harm always wore when he was really thinking ‘C’mon Mac – I know there’s something wrong – let me in.’ It was disconcerting enough that Evan just looked like Harm – now he was mirroring his exact expressions.

Mac bundled her son up on her chest and hugged him tightly to her. Letting her tears drop freely into his soft brown hair.

HARM AND MAC’S HOUSE
WILLESDEN GREEN
LONDON, NW2
21 DECEMBER 2007
1810 ZULU

Harm walked slowly up the front walk to the door of his house. The fading light bouncing off the icicles that hung from the outside coachman’s light. He was home. He trailed his finger over the cold bricks as if seeking evidence of their existence, and smiled distractedly at the wreath on the front door – impressed that Mac had had the wherewithal to remember to decorate for Christmas. He was still having trouble getting his mind around the fact that it was almost Christmas – almost his son’s second birthday. He suddenly felt like he should ring the doorbell. Mac didn’t know he’d been released. Gibbs had just shown up about two hours ago and told him he was free to go... and just like that it was over.

“Do you want me to call Mac?”

“Yes… NO!” his mind was reeling. “I’ll call her…” Then, as Gibbs had started to walk away… “Gibbs…”

Jethro turned around.

“… uh… could you just give me a lift home?”

The car ride had been eerily silent as well. Harm felt that he was in some sort of Twilight Zone. He had envisioned this day for the last six months – it was supposed to be joyous and amazing. He would walk out of the prison – vindicated and smiling and Mac would be there to take him in her arms…

Instead, there was just him and Gibbs and the cold interior of the car as they drove north on a clear December evening – the very definition of ‘anti-climactic’.

“So – it was Palmer?”

“Yup.”

Harm sighed and shook his head. “How did you finally connect him?”

“We didn’t.” He glanced at Harm almost apologetically. “He confessed.”

“Really?” Harm was initially confused, but then it dawned on him. Palmer had no intention of letting this go all the way. He just wanted to show Harm he still had power over his life… wanted him to think of him every day… like he’d said so many years ago. Wanted to prove to him that there was nothing that Harm could do to him anymore – he already had a life sentence at Leavenworth – but there was *everything* that Palmer could continue to do to *him*. He wanted to keep Harm guessing – always looking over his shoulder – wondering where it could come from next. Palmer had won. ‘The Wilderness of Mirrors’ still stood strong.

As Harm’s finger followed the line of mortar, he caught sight of Mac inside the house through the small window in the front door. She had walked up to the kitchen counter – clearing away the dinner dishes he supposed. His heart suddenly was frozen between the overwhelming relief that he would soon feel at being in Mac’s arms, and the overwhelming helplessness he felt at no longer being able to protect his family. He had the ominous feeling that it would always be this way from now on – like he was looking in on her life from the outside again… God he didn’t want to go back there. He took a deep breath and opened the door.

END PART 20

* For anyone who may have noticed – I omitted a verse out of this nursery rhyme – just for the sake of saving space. Poem is by “Us Two” by A.A. Milne, from the book “Now We Are Six”