Title: The End of the Earth

Author: Carrie

Pairing/Classification: Harm/Mac Romance

Rating: IM-15

Summary: When everything piles onto Harm at once, he heads to the end of the earth to mourn, grieve, and find himself again.

Author’s Note. This came to me after I read Nora Roberts’s ‘Northern Lights’ so some things are similar although I didn’t intentionally mean for that to happen. The city in Alaska isn’t real, I made it up.

The name of the city is an Inuit word for ‘has no end, eternal’. I have no idea how to pronounce it. I just thought that a city with a Native Alaskan term for what Harm is going through would be appropriate.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harm, Mac or any JAG characters. Mistakes are mine, sorry.

Pt.1

1530 Zulu (12/5)

Issukangitok, Alaska

The house was beautiful. It was a large cabin made of beautifully polished wood, covered in shiny windows looking out on the sea of snow.

The rungs on the porch were made of small totem poles. The newel posts inside were also made of totem poles. The ceiling of every room was practically made of skylights and there were fireplaces in all of the bedrooms.

Furnishings were made up of rustic furniture, the color schemes dark reds, greens, and navy blues. It was a beautiful, costly piece of construction.

However almost no one could see the beauty of such architecture. It was set outside of town, off the main road out and in. A creek was frozen solid near the house, a small yellow plane covered and parked in the middle.

Sleeping peacefully inside an elaborate house were two gorgeous animals. Their coats were silky, made up of gray, white, and black. One was a female, almost completely white save for several patches of pale gray on her back. The other was her mate, half husky, half wolf. He was black and white with a mask over his face.

Their pointy ears perked up at the noise coming up the makeshift drive. Barking and howling, they ran out of their house and across the snow, eager to greet the enormous black Chevy Avalanche.

Hopping out of the cab was their master. They had only known him for a few months, but all the same they loved him and protected him.

Luring them into the house with a bone, the bundled up figure began to remove the articles of winter clothing, ending up in a pair of jeans and a flannel shirt.

“You guys hungry?”

Barks were the response.

Captain Harmon Rabb Junior smiled at his dogs and went into the laundry area, pouring dog food into the huge bowls the huskies ate out of.

He stood back and watched them devour their food, loving how each animal was different in the way they attacked their dinner.

Dimitri, the wolf/husky moved across the floor with his food, eating every last bite. Beautiful Anastasia or Ana was more polite, content to savor the kibble instead of swallow it whole.

They were like humans, Harm observed. Each one of them was different and unique. He sighed and headed back into the warmth of the house.

Why was he even here? He was in Alaska for crying out loud! Every day he stared outside, looking at the pristine new snow, wondering why he had to come all the way to the middle of Alaska for refuge.

He could have gone to his parent’s house in the Bahamas, but no. He had to come to the cabin his mother had built on a whim and they had never used.

When he first arrived, it was a bit of a culture shock. Then he started getting into the whole outdoors, freezing cold thing. He was content to sit inside and stare out at the majestic beauty of the mountains. Once or twice he’d go outside and sit with his dogs on the porch at night, staring at the Northern Lights.

If more psychologists knew of the beauty of Alaska, every depressed person in America would make the small town of Issukangitok their home.

It was located at the base of Denali, or McKinley to the Outsiders. Harm had that term labeled to him the instant he set foot into the general store.

Everyone knew to leave him alone. This was a man from the Lower 48, a Navy man to boot. He was quiet, yet polite, always laughed at the jokes people said and was always willing to help. But they knew to leave him alone. He had his own problems to deal with and that’s why he was here in the beauty of nowhere.

To deal.

Pt 2

For the past two months, he had lived in Alaska. He had chosen to come right at the beginning of winter, a stupid time for anyone who didn’t know what it meant to live in the harsh weather of Alaskan winters.

It snowed up to four feet every storm, where he had to stay indoors for fear of getting lost five feet from the front door.

He loved it.

All the snow swirling around, the wind whistling and the mountains. In the middle of a storm, if you could see the outline of the mountains it almost looked like they owned you. You were at the mercy of the jagged rock sticking out of the ground.

Harm had no idea how long he was going to stay here. At least until his pain went away.

In the span of a year, he had lost a daughter, gained a wife, lost a daughter, and lost a wife. It was too much to bear.

Just thinking about it hurt him to no end. He looked over at the mantle of the enormous fireplace. Sitting in the middle was a picture of him and Mattie.

He looked away. The tears couldn’t start again. He couldn’t keep crying over Mattie.

She had been so close. So close to walking when it happened. She was paralyzed and was enduring grueling sessions of physical therapy. She was at the point where she could walk with the help of someone holding onto her hands, when it happened.

He and the physical therapist were helping her walk around the room, laughing and joking when she complained of a severe pain in her chest. A doctor came in to check her out and she passed out.

They worked forever to find the cause when she died. An embolism. A blood clot had traveled from her legs to her heart and killed her. They said that it sometimes happened. The use of the legs was so diminished that clots could occur easily. They were giving her medication to prevent it, but sometimes even the medication didn’t work.

The doctors also found out that her spinal cord was severely damaged from a great about of exertion she had placed on it. She would never have gained the ability to walk completely, so even if she had left the hospital, the embolism still would have occurred.

Through the pain of it all, losing the only person he’d come to love so unconditionally, he grew closer to the other love of his life.

Mac had been through as much pain as he. They laughed, cried, and talked about the girl who she had soon come to believe as her own daughter.

They married and soon began to try for their own baby. Maybe a little girl to name after Mattie. Or even a little boy they could call Matt.

When Mac got pregnant, they were both thrilled. It was a blessing upon them both. Then it happened. Doctors had told Mac she might not be able to carry to full term, so they put her on bed rest around her fifth month. Two months later, several weeks before she was supposed to go through a C-section, she went into labor.

The baby was too early. Mac’s body had been trying to attack the baby throughout the pregnancy and she didn’t get any nutrients. She was too early to begin with, but too small to survive.

Several hours after she was born, Harm held his daughter in his arms and watched the last breath go in and then out. He felt her tiny heart stop beating under his fingertips. And he cried.

Sarah Mathilda Grace Rabb was buried next to her big sister in a small, private ceremony. Mac was devastated. She took the blame for the death and went through serious depression.

In the span on nine months Harm had lost both of his daughters and was soon to lose his wife. Mac drew away from him. They didn’t talk and constantly fought. One day he came back from work to find her in her robe and Clayton Webb coming down the stairs.

He didn’t say anything, much to Mac’s protests that nothing happened. He didn’t say anything and simply took the next flight to San Diego.

His mother offered him the house in the Bahamas to think. He said no and took the Alaskan refuge. He had begun to heal.

Harm stared outside at the dark. It got dark so early here and he loved it. It fit his moods perfectly from time to time. The dark was like a blanket here. It was like the snow. It was so quiet that even the softest whisper was like a gunshot through the silence.

Whimpers brought him back to real life. He smiled at the two dogs in front of him. “Come on,” he whispered, patting the couch.

They both jumped up, one on either side of him. Ana rested her head on his thigh, her beautifully clear blue eyes staring up at him. Dimitri pawed at the couch before he flung his huge body next to Harm.

Content to be with the dark, the snow, and the dogs, he finally fell into one of his rare, solid sleeps.

0720 Zulu (12/6)

Issukangitok, Alaska

The sky was still dark, the snow was fresh, and the temperature was about twenty below.

But that didn’t stop Harm from wandering around with the dogs. Completely insulated in many layers of thermal clothing, Harm followed the dogs wherever the scents took them.

They were a joy to look at, the beautiful bodies throwing themselves into the air, only to fall into the snow and roll around.

After Dimitri had gone after some sort of flurry, he turned around and ran back to Harm, jumping and barking all around him.

Smiling, Harm knelt down and ruffled the dog’s fur. “You want to go back?” he asked.

Ana ran over, slurping Harm’s face with kisses. She barked and ran off to the house, leading the way.

Sighing, he followed them and then went through the laborious process of wiping the dogs down so the water on their paws wouldn’t freeze the next time they went outside.

Tired out from their morning romp, Ana and Dimitri collapsed onto the gigantic pillow in front of the fireplace.

What was he going to do? A storm was coming later that night and he had already gone into town for supplies.

For three months he had simply hung around the house, fixing it up and adding things on. He built the doghouse in the back and occasionally went into the garage to work on furniture.

He didn’t feel like working on furniture. He felt like being with his thoughts. So he went upstairs and into the study.

The study was a beautiful room with a fireplace, hand carved desk, and a totem pole in the corner. One wall was a window, staring out at Denali and the mountains.

He sank down into the small couch and stared out at the mountains. For two months, he had grieved. He had cried for both of his daughters and for the woman he loved.

He wondered why she would cheat on him. She had sent him letter after letter claiming her love for him. She didn’t cheat on Clay. Why would she cheat on him? She loved him.

But no. He knew. He had grieved painfully. It was a horrible, gut wrenching depression he had fallen into. The doctors had given him Xanax and Paxil. He didn’t like pills. They made him sleepy and groggy.

Although one night he had to take the sedative. He couldn’t stop the pain that seemed to seep through his pores. All he had done that night was cry and yell.

Why did it have to happen? Why did Mattie have to die? She was only a teenager. Why?

Same thing with his little girl. His beautiful, precious little girl. Her hair was so soft when he stroked it. Her eyes were so blue. He saw them only for a moment. They flickered, right before her short life was ended in his arms.

Mac had been devastated. She stayed in bed for days after they released her. Then a month later, he had come home to find Clayton Webb on the stairs and her in her robe.

Shutting his eyes, he thought back to that moment. The moment his world came crashing down.

He was just coming home from a doctor’s visit. Bud and Harriet had forced him to go to a shrink. He had the pills in his hands when he arrived at the airport.

Groaning, Harm leaned back and stared out at the mountains. He shut his eyes and soon fell back to sleep.

Pt 3

Two Weeks Later (12/20)

Issukangitok, Alaska

“Good afternoon Cap’n!”

“Afternoon,” Harm said, dragging the 50 pound bag of dog food over to the front counter. “Last storm all but cleaned me of dog food.”

“How are those beauties? You bring them with you this time?” Max, the wizened old general store manager.

Grabbing a bag of fire starters, Harm continued to move about the store, adding to the growing pile. “The Rumski triplets are playing with them. I believe Katya Rumski is going to kill me the next time she sees them with Dimitri, but her Dimitri doesn’t care. She panics because he’s half wolf.”

“Who your Dimitri or hers?” Max laughed.

Smiling slightly, Harm didn’t say anything and added some more food onto the stack of supplies.

Max, an old Navy man himself and one of the many busybodies in the tiny city, wanted to know more about this man. He was handsome, polite, articulate, and had a lot of baggage everyone wanted to know about. What in the hell was an Outsider doing moving into the fancy ass cabin on the outskirts of town?

They didn’t even think Captain Rabb knew why.

“Did you hear there’s another Outsider?” Max asked, wondering if maybe the beautiful woman staying at the lodge was an acquaintance of Rabb’s.

Another Outsider? At Issukangitok? Harm shook his head, thinking that it was probably a climber who was staying around. But if that was the case, wouldn’t they be staying in Denali? The city named after the mountain was populated by tourism and climbers.

“She’s a looker.”

Harm whipped his head around, eyes wide. “Where’s she staying?”

Ah, so the boy was interested in things other than his own concerns. Max simply smiled and began to compile the list of what Harm was buying. “The Lodge.”

The Lodge was the beautiful hotel and the only place to stay in town. It was run by a woman who had lived in Alaska her entire life. Katherine Itu was a Native Alaskan, one who took no prisoners and put everyone in their place.

She also knew everything about everyone sometimes even before they did. Therefore, this new Outsider was under serious scrutiny by the ferocious pillar of the community.

“Where’s she from?” Harm asked, ignoring the horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach. He scribbled his name on the tab and set the pen down, the soft click of plastic on the hard counter echoing in his ears. Like a gunshot in the middle of the night.

He knew who she was. He knew who it was even before Max opened his mouth.

“She’s from London,” Max said softly, taking the receipt from Harm. He ripped off the carbon copy and handed it to Harm, smiling slightly. “You know her?”

“I might,” Harm whispered, folding the receipt in half. He grabbed the bags full of supplies and dragged the dog food to the door. Pausing, he tossed a look over his shoulder to Max. “What’s her name?”

“Funny it was,” Max said, chewing on his pipe. “Sarah Mackenzie Rabb. You related?”

Biting the bottom of his lip, Harm nodded slightly. “She’s my wife.”

Max watched the Captain toss the supplies into the bed of the Avalanche truck. When the truck rumbled off over the snow, heading towards the outskirts of town, Max leaned forward and picked up the phone.

“Katherine? It’s Max. Yeah, he knows. It’s his wife.”