Title: Playing the Lottery

Author: Carrie

Pairing/Classification: Harm/Mac Romance

Rating: PG?

Summary: This is set in the future, after FWFS like so many of my fics (all I think J ) Mac meets up with someone from her past.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Mistakes are, sorry.

1823 Zulu

San Diego, California

Lieutenant Commander Vera McCool never got overwhelmed. Stressed yes, but she was never overwhelmed. Just today she had seen over thirty patients and she still had yet another concert of her daughter’s to attend.

Methodically, she packed up her briefcase, a small smile on her face at the thought of seeing her daughter perform again. She was becoming quite the Mozart with a piano. She was just happy they had managed to find a good piano teacher after she was transferred to San Diego.

Softly, almost tentatively, knocks sounded through the office. Dr. McCool looked up, a smile on her face. “Come in.”

The door opened slowly revealing the last person Dr. McCool thought she would ever see again.

Lieutenant Colonel Sarah Mackenzie stood nervously in the doorway, wringing her cover in her hands. “Dr. McCool? Do you have a couple of minutes?”

“Colonel Mackenzie,” Dr. McCool said, her voice smooth and calm. “What a pleasant surprise. Tell me you didn’t fly all the way out to San Diego just to speak with me?”

Mac flashed a small smile, closing the door behind her. She nervously played with the braid that held her hair up in its bun, looking around the tidy office. “I was transferred here last year. I just…I needed someone to talk to for a moment. I know it’s after hours, are you sure you don’t have anywhere to be?”

She had plenty of recitals to attend, Dr. McCool said to herself. She set her briefcase down and gestured to the couch. “Have a seat. Can I get you anything to drink?”

“I’m fine,” Mac said, sitting in a chair opposite Dr. McCool. “I don’t really know why I’m here.”

“Why don’t we start with congratulations?” Dr. McCool suggested. “I assume you received some sort of promotion with your transfer.”

“I did. I’m the commander of Joint Legal Services Southwest. I’ll be receiving my full promotion in six months,” Mac said softly.

Narrowing her eyes, Dr. McCool studied the woman’s demeanor. She wasn’t as volatile as she had been two years previous. Nor as angry, frustrated, sad. This Sarah Mackenzie appeared content with her life, albeit she was very nervous.

What was she doing here? Mac looked around the office, her gaze zeroing in on a photo of a young girl at a piano. “How is your daughter?” she asked, looking back at the psychiatrist.

“She’s fine,” Dr. McCool responded, smiling. “Colonel why are you here?”

As had become her habit, Mac began to turn the rings around on her left hand. One was a beautiful diamond and the other a matching silver band. “I received some news today that…that shook me.”

“About your fertility?” Dr. McCool responded. She smiled gently and reached over to pat Mac’s hand. “You can tell me. I took several obstetrics courses in medical school.”

Mac nodded and wiped at her eyes, tears forming. “Yes. But it’s good news. I knew I had to tell you when I found out you worked here now. I just found out today and I didn’t know what to do…”

“Please tell me.”

Wiping at her eyes, she smiled, her voice wavering slightly when she spoke. “I’m pregnant.”

Dr. Vera McCool rarely was shocked, but now she was. Needless to say, that was the last thought she had on her mind. “Oh my God! That’s wonderful! You are happy about the baby aren’t you?”

“I’m thrilled,” Mac laughed, playing with her cover again. She looked over at the doctor, smiling to herself. “I just needed to tell someone who knew what I was like before all this. When I didn’t want to play the lottery as you put it.”

Hesitant, Dr. McCool leaned forward. “If you’re so happy, then why did you have to come and speak with me about it?”

“I guess…” Mac trailed off. “I guess I’m just nervous. I thought about being pregnant and then I was faced with the possibility of not being pregnant. Now that I am…the longer I’ve thought about it…I’ve had problems. Problems you know about. You’re objective. I’m an alcoholic. I have self-esteem, communication, and control issues. My biggest problem is trust. How am I supposed to be a good mother if I can’t even agree on a wedding date with my husband?”

“Your husband?” Dr. McCool asked, caught off guard for a minute. “Let’s table our conversation on the pregnancy for a moment and talk about him. Who is he? The last time we spoke you were having problems with your break up with a John. Then there was also your friend Harm who you claim has moved on. You didn’t give him a chance and he gave up on you. Did he really give up on you?”

Tears came to her eyes again. “No. He’s the only one who has never given up on me. We got married a year ago. Both of us were faced with separation. The joy of being in love with someone in the military. He was going to go to London and he got promoted, whereas I was preparing for San Diego.” She took a deep breath and smiled. “But he proposed and we flipped a coin. We ended up here. He was prepared to give up his career for me. I had a man do that. A man I was engaged to. Harm came between us and…Harm was always between us. In any case, he didn’t let me forget he gave up his career for me. Harm was going to do that he wasn’t going to let me know. But thankfully when faced with giving up its golden boy, the Navy offered him another O-6 position. He’s in charge of Top Gun.”

“Top Gun? The Top Gun?” Dr. McCool asked, smiling. “Like in Tom Cruise?”

“Yeah,” Mac replied. “He’s damn good at his job and he loves it. He’s glad that he could go back to flying. At least, that’s what he says although I know he misses the law. He drives me crazy when he comes home and starts ‘helping’ me with my cases.” She laughed and continued to play with her hair. “But in any case we finally did it. We were both on the same page for once in our lives and now we’re together.”

A perfect couple for the books, Dr. McCool thought. The world’s longest dance. “Before, you said Harm wanted a child. He in fact wanted to pursue options immediately after you were diagnosed. Now, does he still want a child?”

“Yes. He wants one so bad. He doesn’t know right now, but…I’m sure he’ll be happy,” Mac whispered.

“If your husband wanted a child, what makes you think that you’ll be a bad mother?” Dr. McCool asked, her voice soft. “Just because you had problems in the past doesn’t mean you’ll be a bad mother.”

“I just…I don’t know if I can do it,” Mac said quietly. “I’m so nervous and I have so many problems. Harm and I still can’t communicate sometimes. It’s taken a year and we still…we’re still the same.”

“That’s because it’s a marriage,” Dr. McCool laughed. “Marriage isn’t perfect. Those who have perfect marriages are obviously putting on a show because it’s a compromise between both parties. Never go to bed angry. There are fights involved, but then there are apologies. Mostly the men are the ones apologizing.”

Mac laughed and looked down at her rings. “Yesterday Harm came up to me after I got a shower and he apologized. I didn’t know what for, so when I asked what he did, he simply said ‘I don’t know, but I’m sure you’ll find something today’. At first I thought he was just in one of his bratty moods he sometimes gets in, but then that evening he broke my favorite coffee mug.”

“Men are predictable,” Dr. McCool laughed. She thought for a minute and then looked up at Mac. “If he’s attentive of your feelings, do you think he’s going to go for his own during the pregnancy? Do you think he’s going to leave you during the pregnancy and after the birth?”

“God no,” Mac whispered. “He isn’t capable.”

“But some of the other men in your life were. Sarah, it seems like this is the first relationship you’ve been in where the man puts you ahead of his own needs. Does that upset you in any way?”

She shook her head, rubbing her temple with her fingers. “No. I guess it just…it scares me in a way. At least if I’m a horrible mother he’ll be the good father.”

“You won’t be a horrible mother,” Dr. McCool said firmly. Her voice was no longer soft and caring, but hard and firm. “Sarah if you think you will be a bad mother, you will be. You are strong and I’m sure you’ll be quite capable of caring for a child. In fact, I think it’s what you need. You came to me two years ago looking for a prescription for a sleep aid. Instead, you got the closure you needed on your life and slept. Now you’re looking for advice on how not to let your problems get in the way with motherhood. You don’t need advice, what you need is to be able to give into your feelings. Trust your instincts. You have a husband who loves you and I think that’s just what you need.”

“So my prescription is to love my husband?” Mac asked, a small smile on her face. “Because Dr. McCool I think I’m addicted. Is there a treatment center for that?”

Laughing, Dr. McCool reached over and patted Mac’s hand. “It’s the only drug that the more you become addicted, the healthier you’ll be. I’m glad you came to see me and we could discuss this. Do you have any more thoughts on the matter?”

She let out a sigh, leaning back in the chair. “I actually think that for once in my life I not focused on this all consuming problem.” Mac grinned and patted her stomach. “Now I just have to go let my husband know.”

Dr. McCool stood, turning towards the door. “Well good luck to you.”

Mac turned and smiled, the smile taking over her entire face. “I forgot to mention,” she whispered, playing with her cover again. “I got to see the sonogram,” she managed to get out, tears thickening her voice. “And there were two. Just like my friend’s sonogram. The babies…” she trailed off, positioning her hands. “The babies looked like they were holding hands. Like they’re preparing to come into the world together.”

Normally she didn’t get this emotionally invested with her patients. She listened, sympathized, and helped. Very rarely did she feel exactly what the patient was feeling and very rarely did she bring her own personal experiences into the equation.

“Mac, if you ever need anything, please call,” Dr. McCool said softly. She leaned in and squeezed Mac’s hand, smiling slightly. “You’re very lucky Sarah. You won the lottery.”

Mac laughed and rested a hand on her stomach. She closed her eyes and smiled some more. “I’m just glad I played it.”

With one last smile at Dr. McCool, she walked away, preparing herself for one of the hardest, yet the best conversations she was ever going to have.

She had to go tell Harmon Rabb Junior he was going to be a father to not just one baby, but two.

THE END