~~Full Disclosure~~

1635 Local (Wednesday)

Maddie’s Office

As far as Maddie was concerned, it took forever for Wednesday to get here. She wasn’t entirely sure how her clients felt about today’s impending session, but she was certainly impatient. After Monday, she initially had doubts that they would continue with their counseling. The way Mac left upset and Harm desperate to run after her, tore at her heart. She hadn’t heard from them except for confirming their next appointment, so she took that as a good sign they were coming today.

The butterflies in her stomach were doing a mean mambo right now. Of course the three cups of coffee and a can of diet coke did nothing to calm them either. She thanked the stars that today was a “light day” as far as appointments were concerned. Usually Wednesday mornings were reserved to catch up on errands or chart reviews. Today was no exception. Although she was too distracted for chart reviews, she did manage to take Zolly for his monthly pampering at Feline Finesse Spa—grooming, bath and mini-massage. She made a mental note to schedule something similar for herself—at the human spa, of course!

To drive the autumn chill from the office, Maddie kindled a fire in the fireplace. Zolly immediately found his spot on the rug directly in front of hearth. He stretched and then curled up into a furry ball, flicking his bushy tail around to cover his eyes.

Checking the time, Maddie pulled Harm and Mac’s file from her drawer to review her notes from Monday—not that she needed to. Little by little Harm and Mac had taken Maddie deeper into their past during their last session. Everything that had transpired was quite clear in her mind. She felt like she had to chase the ghosts out of the closet in order to get to the real story—their story. “Wonder what mysteries will unfold today,” she said aloud to herself.

The ringing of her private phone interrupted her train of thought, much to her dismay.

“Hello?” Maddie answered, trying to keep her annoyance to a simmer.

“Maddie? It’s AJ Chegwidden. I hope I’m not disturbing you.”

“Not at all, AJ. How are you?” she said, amiably this time.

“I’m fine,” AJ paused, unsure of how to broach the subject of Harm and Mac. Since he had “unofficially” ordered them to counseling, he was curious to see how they were complying with his recommendation. But, he didn’t want to step on Maddie’s toes either.

Maddie had a feeling she knew what direction he was going to take this conversation. However, all she could do was give a brief overview as to how things were going or ask AJ a few questions without disclosing too much information on Harm and Mac. Specifics were something she kept confidential no matter who it was that was calling; she hoped AJ realized this.

She waited only a moment before deciding to take control of the impending discussion, asking, “What can I do for you AJ?”

“I hope I’m not out of line in asking how things are going with Harm and Mac.”

“Not at all, as long as we keep things to generalizations,” Maddie explained.

AJ jumped right to the question that was at the forefront of his thoughts, “So, are they making any progress?”

“Yes and no.”

“What do you mean by that?” he asked bewildered by her comment. So help me, if those two are pulling stunts with the shrink, I’ll kill them, he thought.

“Um, well, to put it to you bluntly, I think the easiest way to resolve this is to put the both of them in a room together—alone—and let nature take it’s course,” Maddie responded humorously, yet being honest at the same time.

“Excuse me?” AJ was flabbergasted at her frankness, even though the identical thought had briefly crossed his mind a time or two.

“OK, a hotel room to be more specific,” Maddie added, not really sure that he was getting her drift.

AJ paused to try to suppress the laugh that was building up inside him. He knew all along that’s what they needed, but how could you put THAT in a report? Realizing that there was dead air over the phone, he regained his composure and said, “I see” in his best authoritative tone.

“But, seriously AJ. Getting to the bottom of this is will take a lot more than one or two sessions. There is a lot more emotional baggage than either of them realizes they have,” Maddie continued.

“They are quite the pair, aren’t they? They’ve been to hell and back for one another,” he said, mentally recalling what those two put him through over the years.

Now it was Maddie’s turn to be confused, “What do you mean, AJ?”

“Well, there was South America, the Appalachians . . . and of course, Australia. And let’s not forget Russia.”

Maddie was taken aback, “I thought they were lawyers? They sound more like CIA operatives.”

“CIA? They’ve done that too,” AJ laughed.

“Honestly, AJ, so far it’s going well,” Maddie said, “They haven’t missed an appointment and have been cooperative. I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

“Good. I’d hate to follow through with the charges against both of them,” he stated quite matter-of-factly.

“Now, AJ, would you really do that to them?” Maddie said with a teasing note to her voice.

He paused, giving thought to her question, “No. But what they don’t know won’t hurt them. They need to get their act together—pronto!”

Maddie laughed at his comment, figuring that his patience probably had a short fuse. Realizing the time, she said pointedly, “I really hate to cut this call short, AJ, but I have clients coming in at five o’clock and I need to prepare their file.”

“No problem. You will keep in touch regarding their progress?”

“If the need arises, I will call you,” Maddie replied. “Have a good evening, AJ.”

“You too, Maddie.”

She clicked the phone off and sighed, realizing there were less than 15 minutes until Harm and Mac’s arrival. Looking at the open file in front of her, one sentence jumped out at her “did one of them want a relationship and the other wasn’t ready”. It was obvious the feelings for one another ran silent and deep, so why wouldn’t they want a relationship with one another?

Choosing not to cloud her thoughts right now, Maddie kept that one question in the back of her mind. Her only plan at this point was to progress delicately today. And, maybe lock the doors—she didn’t want either one of them leaving until the session was over!

****

6 Minutes later

King Street

Old Town Alexandria, VA

The drive over to Maddie’s office was nerve wracking for Mac. It was 47 hours and 34 minutes ago that Harm finally opened the little black box that harbored the secret he kept for the past 18 months. Today she was going back to the scene of the “crime”, so to speak. Since those hours and minutes ticked away, she had had time to think. Spending a little time with him yesterday watching little AJ was just enough to soothe her troubled soul. It didn’t take her long, however, to realize that maybe she was carrying her anger a little too far. Although it truly wasn’t anger the whole time—her emotions were so muddled that it was becoming hard to decipher anger from hurt and hurt from fear.

In her solitude, she had reconciled herself to the truth that there was “something” else there under that protective armor that Harm frequently wore when confronted with his feelings. Lately she had seen little bits of it peel away—at her apartment and then again at Bud and Harriet’s. But, was this “something” that was there all along and she just didn’t see it? Mac was hesitant to wonder what it was. Every time she thought she had the man figured out, he managed to take her down another path of elusiveness.

Sighing heavily, Mac pulled into the parking place near Maddie’s building. Time for round three of Mackenzie vs. Rabb, she thought as she turned the ignition off and exited the car. As she crossed the cobblestone road, something, or rather someone caught her eye. Harm was leaning against the building, looking in her direction and waiting—for her. Mac’s heart skipped a little. After being late for two sessions, he was not only on time, but early. She wondered if this was some sort of sign, but promised herself not to read into it too much.

Harm watched as Mac crossed the street in his direction. He had been waiting for her to show up for the past 10 minutes. Although his coat was zippered securely to fend off the damp autumn air that swirled around him, watching her he was suddenly filled with a warmth he couldn’t explain. He knew that whatever lay ahead of them in this session they would need to confront those demons together. As far as he was concerned, he was done running.

She nervously bridged the distance between them. Mac never expected him to be waiting for her—late, maybe—but definitely not this.

“Hi,” she said quietly as she came to a stop in front of him. His presence had caught her off guard and she was having a difficult time concentrating. Dressed in jeans with a cream colored sweater peeking out from under his leather jacket, his dark features were a striking vision to her.

Drawing a breath, all he could manage to say was “Mac,” acknowledging her presence. His words were lost in the sight of her as she stood in front of him. The stone fortress he had created long ago was beginning to crumble. The rust colored shirt she wore with her black pants made her face glow in the fading daylight. He felt he could stand there forever and drink in the vision before him. Silently he hoped today’s session would be a little less traumatic for them.

Breaking the silence, he quietly said, “We should go in.” She nodded her agreement, walking through the door as he held it open for her.

They climbed the stairs to the second floor together. Once they reached the landing, Mac turned to Harm and said, “Excuse me for a moment, I think I’m going to find the rest room first. I’ll meet you in the office.”

“No problem,” he said, watching her walk in the opposite direction before he turned to walk toward Maddie’s office.

****

Checking her watch, yet again, Maddie realized it was nearly time for their session. Hearing the opening and shutting of the outer office door, she assumed that Mac had arrived—first as usual—for their session. Having only spoken to Mac briefly since Monday, she had wanted to have a moment alone with her prior to Harm’s arrival to make sure she was alright—considering the way she left last time. Closing the folder, Maddie stood up and went to greet her client.

As she opened the door, she was stunned to see Harm, having just seated himself in the leather chair. Well, this is a surprise, Maddie thought. Usually we’re the ones waiting for him to get here. She did her best to suppress her astonishment and greet her client pleasantly.

“Hi Harm. How are you?”

Ever the gentleman, he stood when she entered the room. “Hi Maddie. I’m fine.”

“I guess we’ll get started as soon as Mac arrives.”

“She’s here,” Harm said, “She just went to find the rest room first.”

Maddie looked at him peculiarly, wondering if they had arrived together but then dismissed the notion entirely. After the last session, she worried if they’d even show up, let alone come together. Their arrival together was purely coincidental, she thought.

****

Mac stood in the bathroom at the sink, just staring into the mirror, trying to calm the nerves that suddenly gripped her. Harm had managed to surprise her by waiting for her and it definitely threw her off. Her composure was deteriorating. Sure, all was well YESTERDAY when they ran into each other by accident. This was different. This was yet another session of baring their souls to Maddie and to one another.

She wondered what other revelations he’d have for her today. But she also wondered where Maddie would take this session. Mac paced in the small bathroom wanting nothing more than to just leave. Things are fine the way they are right now, she thought. They weren’t fighting, but their relationship wasn’t perfect either. It never was, so why start now? Sighing, she looked in the mirror and tried to compose herself. Harm knew she was here so it was out of the question to leave unseen. And if she did, it meant putting this session off to another day, which was the absolute last thing she wanted.

Taking another deep breath, Mac straightened her sweater and opened the door to begin her trek down the hall. Her mouth was dry and her palms sweaty—she felt like she was going into combat right now. Except she wasn’t facing her mortal enemy—she was facing her best friend—someone who had been there for her through everything, good and bad. This had to work, she couldn’t lose him. Not now—not this way! She only hoped that Harm wanted to make this work as well.

Before grasping the handle to the door, Mac closed her eyes and offered up a silent prayer that whatever happens, she wouldn’t lose her best friend. Putting her self-control in full throttle, she stood tall and opened the door.

Both Harm and Maddie looked toward the door as Mac strode in—head up, back straight and a smile on her face. During the brief time Maddie had come to know her, she recognized this façade. She could tell Mac was tense and trying her Marine damnedest to hide it. Rather than blow this cover, Maddie greeted her cheerily.

“Hi Mac. Good to see you. Since we’re all here, let’s get started.”

“I’m ready if you are,” Mac responded, a little too jovial. Harm regarded her carefully as he followed her into the office. He knew all too well when she was putting her game face on—and this was one of those times. As they walked through the door, Harm gently placed his hand on her shoulder, trying to quietly reassure her that all will be fine—eventually. Mac looked back at him and gave him a truly genuine smile.

Maddie caught the gesture between the two friends out of the corner of her eye. She was pleased to see they were at least getting along. She watched them enter the room and take their usual places on the sofa while she gathered her note pad and file. Zolly, who had been asleep in front of the hearth, peeked out from under his bushy tail to see who was disturbing his nap. A stretch and a yawn later, he was on Mac’s lap, eager for attention.

“Zolly!” Maddie said, ready to chastise him for his boldness.

“It’s OK, I don’t mind,” Mac said as the furry creature nestled himself in her lap. She welcomed this distraction. Some of the earlier tension she felt was starting to slowly melt away with the attention she was giving Zolly behind his right ear.

Having reviewed her notes earlier and seeing how tense Mac was today, Maddie decided to take this session a little slower. Their last appointment ended with Mac bolting when Harm came clean about his feelings surrounding her impending marriage. She knew they were walking this tightrope without a net. But, she was afraid that the slightest breeze from the past might make either one of them tumble into the abyss of heartache they were slowly bridging. Watching a distracted Mac sit stiffly on the sofa, Maddie knew she was making the right decision to pull the reins in a little.

“Can I get either of you something to drink before we begin?” she offered before sitting down. Harm declined, but Mac gratefully accepted as Maddie handed her a glass of water.

Getting comfortable in her chair, Maddie drew an uneasy breath. Whatever she said at this moment would set the tone for her client’s session. Choosing her words carefully, Maddie began.

“We ended our last session without discussing the homework I had assigned after our first meeting. Why don’t we begin with that?”

Harm looked puzzled at first, but then recalled what Maddie was talking about. He was prepared at the last appointment to discuss his “strengths and weaknesses”, having had sufficient time to think about them and commit them to memory. They weren’t written down but he figured it shouldn’t be too hard to recall them. The thought crossed his mind to ask why Maddie wasn’t going to continue where they left off last time, after telling Mac how he felt about her marrying Mic. He figured she had a good reason for not discussing it and decided not to bring it up—for the moment.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Mac promptly opened her purse to retrieve her paper. Her movement disturbed Zolly, causing the cat to seek another spot for his nap. He leapt from her lap and crossed the room to his previous spot on the rug in front of the fireplace—content but not happy.

As Mac found her paper Maddie noted it was a little tattered from being man-handled during the last session, but otherwise it seemed to be still readable. Mac was grateful Maddie wasn’t beginning the session with a recap of their last venture into the past. Actually she was willing to even discuss the weather if it meant avoiding the whole situation entirely. But, for what it was worth, she could handle discussing strengths and weaknesses right now.

“Your assignment was to list 3 of your strengths and 3 of your weaknesses. How did you both do?” Maddie asked.

“I guess OK,” was Mac’s response, fiddling with the paper in her lap.

Maddie looked toward Harm who, on the other hand, produced nothing that resembled a paper with words on it. He sat there, cool and collected, arms folded across his chest.

“Harm, were you able to complete the assignment?” Maddie asked.

“Yes I was.”

Maddie looked at him bewildered. “Did you forget your paper at home?”

“No I didn’t.”

Mac was finding this little exchange between Harm and Maddie all too amusing. He was frustrating her just like he frustrates everyone he comes in contact with. He was answering the questions like he was on the witness stand. Mac wondered how long it would take before Maddie threatens bodily harm unless she gets a straight answer.

“OK, then, why don’t you start, Harm. What are your three strengths?” Maddie said, her patience waning with every passing second.

“Well, I had a hard time picking just three.”

“Why don’t you just tell us the most important ones, then?”

“OK. I am an excellent investigator; I have initiative and am quite perceptive. It’s what makes me a successful lawyer.”

Mac was in mid-sip of her glass of water as Harm said “perceptive”. She struggled to keep the water from going out her nose as she started coughing.

Maddie looked toward Mac as she quickly composed herself. She motioned that she was OK, having noted her silent concern.

She continued, “Harm, those are admirable qualities for a lawyer. But I am interested in Harm the person too—what would you say are his strengths?”

Harm had a confused look on his face. After taking a moment to collect his thoughts he said, “The successful lawyer is what makes the person.”

“But, you were a person before you became a lawyer. I want to know what the ‘person’s’ strengths are.”

“Well, before I became a lawyer, I was a pilot. So I probably would say . . . . .”

Mac’s amusement was turning into annoyance, “Harm, are you even listening to the question?” she said sarcastically, the pitch of her voice rising.

Irritated, he replied, “Yes, I AM listening Mac! And if you would listen, I’m trying to answer the question!”

Struggling to keep from choking him, Mac said, “Fine. Have it your way,” punctuating her words with staccato-like effect, then turning her head to face Maddie.

Maddie could only shake her head listening to the two of them bicker. It was like she was counseling an old married couple. They reminded her of her parents and how they would find something in everything to squabble about. Things always turned out OK—but only once they got past the nit-picking.

Deciding to take control of the situation before there was bloodshed, Maddie interrupted by saying, “Harm, let’s forget for a moment that you are a lawyer or that you were a pilot. Tell me how you see yourself.”

Harm didn’t know how to answer that one. He could describe Harm the lawyer in 50 words or less. Harm the person was elusive to him. He never had to think in those terms before.

“Well, I’m a hard worker; I know how to get things done,” he paused, not knowing how to progress through this line of questioning. Remembering why they were here in the first place, he added with a smile, “stubborn, maybe.”

“Stubborn? Maybe control-freak is a better word,” Mac quickly countered.

Before the fireworks erupted again, Maddie interjected, “Why do you think you’re stubborn?”

“Maybe stubborn is too strong of a word. What I meant is that I don’t back down easily.”

Mac started to laugh, just shaking her head. She was trying very hard to control her tongue and in an attempt to suppress her comments, it all came out as a laugh.

Harm looked in her direction and said, “What?”

“Nothing,” she chortled.

“Well, obviously you found something amusing in what I said.”

Intervening once again, Maddie directed her question to Mac this time, “Mac, something Harm said must have bothered you to cause such a reaction.”

Controlling herself, Mac said, “I just found his opinion of himself to be a little off the mark.”

“In what way?”

“Yeah, in what way, Mac?” Harm snapped, as Maddie shot him a stay-out-of-it look.

Fully composed, she looked in Harm’s direction and said, “Sydney,” briefly meeting his gaze and then turning away. She sighed deeply, looking toward the ceiling and then closing her eyes for a split second, as if trying to shut out a memory.

All of a sudden Harm paled. He’d forgotten probably the one and only time he backed down—and it almost cost him dearly. He knew if he closed his eyes he could still hear the ferry and feel the mist of the water. Lost in thought, a far-away look caused his blue eyes to cloud over.

We're not in Washington any more; we're not even on the same continent.

That doesn't change who we are.

Most men would disagree with you.

I know, I disagree with me sometimes too.

But you still can't let go.

Not yet.

Maddie was confused as she watched the looks pass between Harm and Mac—again that silent communication. She could practically hear their wounds opening up again. Try as she may, this taking it slow wasn’t going to work today. There were too many ghosts to banish. And right now a very large one was looming in the form of someone or something called Sydney—whoever they or it may be. All of a sudden it dawned on Maddie. In her conversation with AJ he mentioned Australia. Could this Sydney be as in Sydney, Australia? What is the significance of Sydney in their past? Allowing the silence to continue enveloping the room, Maddie attempted to find the safest way to venture this latest journey into the past.

“Tell me what’s so significant about Sydney, Mac?” Maddie asked cautiously.

“Nothing,” Mac lied, hoping the subject would be dropped as quickly as she brought it up. She didn’t know why she said it, but she did. Maybe subconsciously she needed to say it—to get those feelings off her chest. But now, it wasn’t where she wanted to go.

Maddie didn’t want to let this subject just drop. But getting them both agitated would only spell disaster for this counseling session. So she made a quick note in her file and then decided to move on when a voice from the other side of the couch broke the silence.

“Maybe it’s something we should talk about, Mac,” Harm said, his voice low as he stole a glance in her direction. Watching her carefully, he waited for a response. Seeing that she wasn’t going to voice any objection, he took over the conversation.

“Australia is where Mic Brumby is from,” Harm started.

“Mic Brumby?” Maddie asked trying to make a connection with the name. Harm had mentioned a Bugme in their last session, but it couldn’t be the same person—could it?

“Mac’s former fiancée.” Harm said as Maddie instantly made the Bugme/Brumby correlation. She nodded her head and smiled, trying hard not to snicker as it all came clear to her. Obviously Harm hated this Brumby guy enough that he attached a bizarre albeit funny nickname to him.

“Harm, I don’t think we need to go there with this right now.” Mac said, wanting to change the subject—fast.

Harm continued, ignoring Mac’s comment, “I had been assigned to a case in Sydney that involved the Royal Australian Navy and the U.S. Navy. Brumby had spent some time with our JAG office before returning to Australia—that’s how he and Mac met. While I was in Sydney, our CO sent Mac down as well. She met up with me as well as Brumby.” Before continuing, he looked at Mac. She has to know where this is leading, he thought to himself. Yet, she quietly sits there.

Mac shifted her position on the sofa, uncomfortable with the direction Harm was taking this session. Although she refused to meet his gaze, she could still feel his eyes on her—waiting for any sort of response from her. She had nothing to offer to the conversation—yet.

“We went for dinner one night while we were there—part work related, part social. We got into a discussion regarding her, um, appearance on the beach with Brumby.”

“Appearance?” Maddie asked, confused.

Mac covered her eyes slightly with her hand, knowing exactly where this was going.

“I thought she had gone topless on the beach with Brumby—it’s accepted practice there.”

As Mac groaned her displeasure with Harm’s statement, Maddie was quite astounded. Oh my, this keeps getting better and better, she thought.

“To make a long story short, before we left, she ended up with Brumby’s ring.”

“Why leave out the most important part, Harm?” Mac said to him with a biting tone. “You can’t tell a story and then leave out the most important part.”

Maddie set her note pad down and crossed her legs so they were comfortable. This wasn’t what I had in mind for today, but I might as well get cozy—this could take a while, she mused, watching the interaction of her clients. She had no intention of breaking their momentum right now. There was the distinct feeling that what happened in Sydney was a closely guarded secret between them. Maddie decided to let them hash it all out unobstructed.

“What part Mac? The part where you took his ring to get back at me?”

“Get BACK at you? For what Harm? For pushing me away? I practically threw myself at you and you pretty much said ‘not going there with you’.”

“That’s NOT how I remember it Mac—not at all,” Harm said standing up and crossing the room to the windows.

“Go ahead, Harm. Run. Run away from your feelings—you’ve gotten quite good at it,” Mac said with heat in her voice as she likewise stood, hands on her hips.

“You have no idea what you’re saying, Mac,” Harm countered, pointing his finger at her for emphasis, “No idea, whatsoever!” Standing on the other side of the room, he watched the ire explode in Mac’s eyes as she went into angry Marine-mode.

“Oh, really? Then, enlighten me, please. I’m sure Maddie is just dying to know what the real reason is,” she said loudly, motioning to the wide-eyed counselor sitting across the room from them.

“We’re supposed to be discussing strengths and weaknesses, and here you are rehashing the past.”

“Let’s rewind here a little bit, Commander. I distinctly remember not wanting to discuss it. You, on the other hand, couldn’t wait to just jump into the fire, could you?”

“I could say the same about you. But, let’s clarify a few things first. Number one, I never pushed you away. Number two, I never said that I wouldn’t ‘go there’ with you,” Harm said as he began to walk across the room in her direction. “And number three, I distinctly remember saying ‘not yet’,” he finished, standing mere inches from her, face to face, unflinching from her piercing stare.

Uncrossing her legs, Maddie moved to the edge of her seat, watching as their emotions overflowed into the room. So, I was right about one of them wanting a relationship, she mused. It was obvious Mac wanted to explore something more with Harm than just friendship. But, for whatever reason, he had backed away. The big question is why. Why wouldn’t he want to take their friendship—their relationship—to the next level? And why would she take the ring of another man if it was Harm she wanted?

As her recollection of that night became clearer, Mac backed down a little, no longer able to meet Harm’s gaze.

You’re just like this with me aren't you?

Yeah, only with you.

I suppose I should be flattered.

You should Sarah.

Fleeing the past yet again, she walked around him toward the windows saying, “I’m sorry. I overreacted a little.” Feeling the tears welling up inside her, Mac took a deep breath and suppressed them before they could make their appearance. Her heart was taking an emotional beating today and crying would only make it worse.

Harm suddenly felt guilty for getting in her face about it, but he wanted to make it very clear to her that she was wrong about him pushing her away. The last thing he wanted to do was rehash that night; however, it all came out like water through a burst dam.

“I’m sorry too,” He said softly. Pausing, he added, “I know you didn’t take the ring to get back at me. And, for the record, I would never push you away, at least not willingly.” Taking a moment to collect his thoughts, Harm sighed, “I just wish I could understand why you went to him so quickly.”

Mac smiled sadly avoiding eye contact with him, “Mic was quite persuasive. My track record with men hasn’t been the greatest. He genuinely was interested in me and a nice guy, despite what you think. Frankly, I probably was a little flattered by all the attention.”

Something about Mac’s statement intrigued Maddie, so she made note of this in her file. She wondered if there was an underlying fear of being alone, although she couldn’t quite understand why. Someone must have put this fear into her a long time ago, she thought.

Continuing to look out the window, Mac became lost in her thoughts. Remembering Sydney brought back memories that she had long since buried. Harm had turned down the prospect of a relationship with her. And, for what it’s worth, it still hurt her on some levels. She turned around and saw that Harm was still standing in the same spot she left him. He was looking at her—his eyes filled with regret. She wondered what was going through his mind right now.

The last time they attempted to discuss this was the night of her engagement party—hardly the right time or place. That night was such a bevy of emotions it left her head spinning and her heart aching. There was nothing stopping her from finding out now. She needed to know. She had to know—why not her? So many questions were burning inside her—waiting, yearning to be asked.

“Why are you only that way with me?” her voice nearly failed her as the words consuming her thoughts escaped her lips.

Harm knew it was coming. They couldn’t go back and revisit that night and avoid that question. He drew an uneasy breath, wanting to tell her the truth without making it sound inconsequential.

“I was afraid, I guess,” he said uneasily, unsure what sort of reaction she would have. He watched her expressionless face, wishing she would just get angry again. He deserved her anger for all he had put her through. Instead, she turned back toward the window, unwilling to meet his pained gaze.

Maddie intently watched the exchange between the two friends. She momentarily waited for Mac to respond to Harm’s statement, and when she didn’t, Maddie decided to pick up the conversation where it was left off.

“What were you afraid of, Harm?”

“I guess you could add fear to my list of weaknesses,” he said without really answering the question, continuing to look in Mac’s direction. For as much as he wanted it to sound funny, it came out more like a desperate proclamation.

Refocusing the question to no one in particular, Maddie said, “Something happened that night in Sydney. What was it?” She wanted one of them to shed some light on the incident so she could fully understand both of their motives.

Harm and Mac were so engrossed in their past, they shut out the present, unknowingly ignoring Maddie’s question. For them, they were back on that ferry passing under the bridge of destiny. Mac turned from the window and crossed the room to Harm. She couldn’t get mad at him. He was as afraid to let go that night in Sydney as much as she was afraid to tell Mic no. After that night, she had tried to rationalize Harm’s motives over and over, attempting to understand why he backed away. But, wrong or right, one thing stood out in her mind.

“Is it because I look like her?” Mac asked tentatively, biting her lower lip for control. She really didn’t want to go there, but she had to know. It was now or never.

The session was taking on a life of its own. Harm and Mac were journeying down yet another twisted road of their relationship without a map, taking Maddie with them. Her own heart was pounding in her chest as this ride careened out of control. Now there was a “her” in the picture. She wanted so desperately to ask “Who is ‘her’” but the precariousness of the present discussion stopped her. The “asking” would come later, but only when the dust had settled.

Mac’s words resounded like a gong in Harm’s head. He recoiled at her words and his blue eyes grew wide with disbelief. Never in his life did he expect Mac to bring up Diane—especially here and now.

“Mac, I never . . .” he gasped, wanting to clear up any misconceptions Mac had immediately. But, Mac wasn’t giving him the chance.

“Harm, there has to be some reason why you are only this way with me. Diane is the obvious one,” she said, her voice quivering ever so slightly.

Trying to regroup, Harm turned from Mac, completely stunned that she thought he still saw Diane in her. In an attempt to stall what she thought was a retreat, Mac grabbed him by the arm, “For God’s sake, why can’t you just tell me?” Her emotions were so jumbled up right now she didn’t know how or what to feel. She caught her breath as her stomach twisted into knots when he looked at her, not knowing who or what he was seeing.

“That’s part of it, Mac. But it’s not the reason.” He reached up and caressed her cheek gently—a gesture Mac was almost sure involved a memory of Diane. His warmth penetrated her skin right down to her heart, making her gasp.

“Then tell me, Harm. I’m here. I’m listening. I’m not going anywhere,” she said softly, grasping the hand on her face in an attempt to express her desire to know.

The pleading look in her eyes made Harm weak. This wasn’t just a fleeting notion; she must have thought about this for some time, he mused. Sighing, he took Mac by the hand and led her to the sofa, motioning for her to sit. It was time to tell her.

Completely engrossed in their discussion, Maddie watched as they settled on the sofa side-by-side. This wasn’t her plan for today, but it was working, as far as she was concerned. In a matter of moments, Harm and Mac went from screaming at each other to a genuine heart-to-heart, extracting bits and pieces of the past to put the puzzle of their lives together. Right now the pieces were beginning to mesh—she could only hope that they would see the bigger picture—soon.

“That night in Sydney, I saw only you,” Harm said, his voice gentle and soothing. “And, when I look at you now, I see only you. I buried Diane a long time ago.” His eyes locked with hers as he searched for her understanding.

“But, you said it was part of . . .”

“At one time,” he quickly interjected. “But that’s in the past.”

“Then why are you afraid?” she asked, her voice quivering, barely above a whisper.

Harm took a deep breath, “Your life hasn’t been easy. Every man you’ve ever trusted and loved has disappointed you.” He paused, not sure how to put into words all he wanted to say without hurting her. “You are my best friend. If it didn’t work and we lost that . . . it would be unbearable.”

“What makes you think you’ll lose me?”

“I’m not perfect, Mac. Some of the choices I’ve made haven’t exactly turned out right.”

“Neither am I, Harm. Look at my past. Do you think I’m proud of what happened with Chris or with Dalton? Those were certainly not my finest moments.”

“But, you’ve trusted me and I’ve disappointed you too.”

Mac sat there and stared at Harm not knowing what to say. He seemed quite convicted in his belief that he disappointed her, albeit an unfounded belief.

“Harm, I never said that you disappointed me. What would make you think that?”

“That night you came to me to talk about Chris Ragle. Do you remember?”

Mac nodded her head, sure yet still uncertain where he was going with this. She remembered the night very well. Her life had been turned upside down and the one person she needed to right it was otherwise occupied, with Bobbie Latham no less.

“You needed me and I turned you away because Bobbie was there,” he said. “That was the last time I ever let my hormones take control of my head,” a slight snicker escaped his lips as he remembered that night.

Acknowledging his words, Mac knew he was right. He did disappoint her that night. But before she could comment, he was rattling off another instance. It was like he kept a little black book of how and when he hurt her, recounting them one by one

“And the night that Mic left, I pleaded with you to come to me. And when you did, I essentially made you go away because of Renee’. That should have never happened—again, you needed me and I couldn’t be there for you.” Harm’s eyes were filled with regret as the memory consumed him and tormented him.

“Renee’s father had just died. She needed you. I didn’t expect you to walk away from her,” Mac rebutted honestly.

“But I . . .”

“You had no way of knowing that was going to happen, Harm,” she said adamantly.

Mac watched Harm, trying to absorb what he was telling her. What he was saying was right—it did hurt her. But she didn’t let those incidents consume her life as it had seemed that he did. Of course that night it wasn’t clear as she drowned in her sorrow. But having had sufficient time to think about it, well, actually a few months, she had put the issue to rest.

Maddie was astounded by the little snippets of their conversation. It seemed that so much of what had transpired between them was part pure misunderstanding and part stubbornness, each afraid to find out the truth. It was almost funny to her. Here they were—two successful lawyers who search for truth and justice—and they couldn’t see the forest for the trees.

Mac could feel her ire growing again—reacting to Harm’s stubbornness. “I’m not going to lie to you and tell you I wasn’t hurt—because I was—but that was then. You have to understand that you aren’t like my father, or Chris, or Dalton. Part of what happened to me because of them made me the person I am today—I grew from those experiences. You could never fall into the same category as they did. You never set out to hurt me deliberately. Circumstances were different,” Mac said, her voice beginning to resound in the room as she tried to get Harm to understand.

Deciding she wanted to reel them in before their little moment became an all out blood bath once again, Maddie cleared her throat to make her presence known.

The two officers looked at her startled. They had become so engrossed in the “who hurt who first” debate, they had forgotten that there was a third person in the room.

Having sufficiently gotten their attention, Maddie’s next task was to clarify a lot of points she had no clue about—mainly their past social lives—away from the military. So many names and instances were left floating in the air; she wished they had brought a cast list with them so she would know who the players were before they got anywhere. Since that wasn’t the case, she had to venture into uncharted territory, praying that they left the lions and tigers and bears at home.

“Mac, you brought your father into this discussion. Can you tell me about your relationship with him?” Maddie asked cautiously.

Harm eyed Mac carefully, waiting for the fireworks to begin. This was and still is delicate territory for her, he thought. Seeing her bristle at the mention of him, Harm had braced himself for her next verbal onslaught. He wished he could have warned Maddie ahead of time, but now was definitely too late.