CHAPTER ONE – Life Coming at You Too Fast
After arriving at Harm’s parents home that Thursday afternoon in September, things started to go down hill. Mac was helping Mattie unpack and started talking to her about enrolling her in school. Mac planned to take Mattie by the school on Monday to enroll her. Mattie immediately started arguing with her about needing to start school so soon. Mac explained that she’d really thought it through and that’s why she hadn’t said that they’d go tomorrow. Mac wanted Mattie to be able to acclimate to the new time zone, get a chance to check out the beach, and look at a few housing options that Frank’s realtor friend had lined up with her. Mac thought that the matter had been resolved when Mattie quit offering new arguments.
Monday afternoon, Mac took Mattie by the school and enrolled her, and it marked the start of three days of silence when Mattie refused to speak to Mac. The silent treatment from Mattie, combined with not being able to find a place for them to live in those first few days, had Mac’s vision of her ‘new life’ cracking under the pressure of reality.
Unable to think of anyone she knew and trusted to be her 'blue suit' XO since Bud had turned her down, she'd requested a list of those eligible to be transferred to her command from the JAG office at 32nd Street Naval Station. Since she'd been on leave when the list had arrived at JAG headquarters, she hadn't seen it until she arrived at her office on the 5th of October. After checking the list and reviewing their service records, she met with her top two candidates and chose Lt. Commander Warren Clark.
Petty Officer Jennifer Coates was Mac's yeoman, performing the same tasks for Mac as she had for Admiral Chegwidden and General Cresswell.
During the first two weeks, Lt. Graves, who was familiar with the San Diego area, had been particularly helpful, and Mac requested that she be assigned to her office permanently. Mac’s request was processed, and Lt. Graves would officially be joining her team by the end of the month and would perform the same duties that Lt. Sims had at JAG headquarters.
Mac hadn't been told what had caused the delay in opening the JLS office and, once behind the desk, she hadn't given it much thought. All she needed to know was that it was her responsibility to make this office a success...now, if she only knew what her superiors were expecting her to accomplish in order to consider it a success...
The office was a hectic place as her requested staff arrived, and remained that way until the end of October when everyone had reported for duty and most had had time to settle into the area and their new positions.
The month of October was hectic at the office and frustrating at home. Living with Harm’s parents wasn't unpleasant, but Mac was used to being on her own, and the combination of his parents and the on again off again friction with Mattie over little things had begun to make Mac feel boxed in.
At the end of October, Mac and Mattie finally found a condo to rent. It took ten days after the rental agreement was signed to make arrangements for the furniture to be delivered, but on the night of November 11th, they were finally sleeping in their own place. Mac hoped that the new place would allow her and Mattie to have their own space, easing the tensions between them. The current contention was over Mattie getting a driver's license.
It was during the phone call the weekend after they'd moved that Harm brought up the subject of Christmas. Harm hadn't received any news of a transfer that would relocate him to San Diego, so with Christmas six weeks away, it was time to start making plans. Mac said that she wasn't sure if she could make it. The office seemed so busy and too unsettled for her to leave it. Mac didn’t think that, with all the time that he’d spent away from his office in the few months that he’d been there that it was likely that he could get away again so soon, but she wanted to see him, so she asked him about him coming to them. He said that he’d love to, but with the leave that he’d taken to sit at the hospital with Mattie after her accident and his recent leave for the wedding and honeymoon, he didn’t have enough leave time left to make the trip.
Harm and Mac would continue to talk about a Christmas visit from 'his girls' when he called, but Mac's schedule was still up in the air, though she felt that it would be good for Mattie to spend some time with Harm. Harm had no problem with having Mattie visit during her school Christmas break, but would she be able to fly alone? Mattie's age wasn't a factor, but they weren't sure that Mattie could handle a flight by herself after the trauma of her own plane crash. She'd flown to San Diego, but she'd been with Mac. A flight between San Diego and London was definitely too long a trip for Mattie to take by herself at this time.
After their move to the condo, Trish and Frank asked that Mac and Mattie come over to dinner once a week. A couple of times in the last week, they'd picked up Mattie from the condo to have dinner with them because Mac was working so late. Trish and Frank had noticed the tension building between Mac and Mattie, but had no idea why and didn't think that it was their place to ask...until Thanksgiving.
Trish and Frank had invited Mac, Mattie, and Jennifer to their home for Thanksgiving dinner. The tension between Mac and Mattie weighted the room down in gloom. By the end of the meal, Trish had decided that she could stand by no longer without asking. So as not to make too big a scene, Trish asked Mac to help clear the dishes. It wasn't a usual request, but Mac certainly had no problem with helping. Trish picked up a stack of dishes and so did Mac as she followed Trish into the kitchen. However, it was a ploy to ask about the situation between her and Mattie.
Mac told Trish that Mattie didn't seem to be transitioning well to her new life. Mac reminded Trish of the three days of silence that Mattie had given her over enrolling her in school that had happened while they’d been living with Trish and Frank. Mac explained to Trish that she’d talked to Mattie about starting in a new school and that she understood that it could be difficult since it wasn't much different than changing commands, but Mattie didn't speak to her for three days because of it anyway. Mac said that Mattie was doing okay in school, but not as well as she'd been doing in Virginia. Mattie seemed to have a few friends, but according to Mattie, all of them were driving or about to drive. Trish was familair with the license situation, too, because Mattie had begun to mention her upcoming seventeenth birthday and that a good present would be the driver's training that she needed to get her license. She'd also told Trish that she already knew how to drive and that she'd been driving since she was fourteen back in Virginia. Mac said she thought that, like the other disagreements, Mattie would get past the license issue, for the moment at least, but things hadn't improved after the move. If anything, they'd gotten worse, especially in the last week. Mattie wanted to fight her on anything and everything, from homework to taking out the trash. Mac said that she didn't think it had anything to do with school, the move, or anything else. She just missed Harm. Mac then told Trish about the conversation at the airport while waiting for their flight to board.
***Flashback***
“When are we all going to be together again?” Mattie asked.
“Mac and I talked about it. If I can’t get a transfer to San Diego before December, she hopes to have her office up and running well enough for the two of you to come to London for Christmas.”
***End Flashback***
Mac thought the fact that, because of her schedule, they wouldn't be able to go to London for Christmas was the current issue that Mattie was having with her. Mac voiced her concern to Trish that, with the year-round school program here, Mattie was going to be out of school for the entire month of December and, because of the strain in their relationship, she had no idea how she was going to keep Mattie busy and out of trouble for an entire month.
Trish gave Mac a hug at the end of their conversation before summing it up. "So you're telling me that she's suffering from being a teenager. And, in her case, with all the changes in the past few weeks in her life, she probably thinks that life is coming at her too fast."
"Yeah, I guess that's what I’m saying."
"And what about you, dear? You look tired and run down all the time.”
Mac chuckled. "I'm suffering from having a teenager and life coming at me too fast."
Both ladies laughed and returned to clearing the table of dirty dishes. While they were working, Trish asked about something that Mattie had said last week during dinner when Mac was working late. Mattie had said that she couldn't go to see Harm alone. Mac explained that, because of Mattie's plane crash, they didn't want to send her alone.
It wasn't long after Trish and Mac joined the others to watch the football game that Frank and Trish disappeared, but they returned a short while later, wanting to discuss something with Mac. Trish and Frank had talked it over and they suggested that they fly with Mattie to London.
Even though Mattie's last day of school was the 2nd of December, prior commitments would keep them from leaving until the 8th, but after a call to Harm to verify that it was okay with him, the three of them informed Mattie that she'd be going to London for Christmas. Mattie was thrilled that she'd get to go to London to see Harm.
During another call to Harm, a plan came together nicely. Trish and Frank would fly with Mattie to London and stay for a few days. They'd do a little tour of Europe, come back to London for Christmas, and then fly back with Mattie if Mac couldn't get away for at least a few days during the holidays.
Mac went into the office on the Friday after Thanksgiving, determined to find a few days at Christmas to get away to visit her husband. Mac accomplished her mission and requested leave from December 21st to January 1st.
Mac didn't want to think negatively, but she'd also recently had leave and was running a new office, so she'd just have to pray that her request would be granted.
CHAPTER TWO – In the Air
Mattie and her grandparents boarded a plane on the evening of Thursday Dec 8th in San Diego. In the air on the first leg of their long journey, San Diego to New York, Mattie began to believe that the holiday trip to London wasn't going to be as wonderful as she'd hoped. Mac would've told Harm about her behavior, and she'd better be ready to face him.
Once their flight was in the air, Mattie reclined her seat and tried to sleep, but it was useless. Her mind was too involved with trying to figure out what questions Harm would ask and what her answers would be.
***
The first disagreement with Mac over school, Mattie hadn't meant to be argumentative or rude, but Mac hadn't understood. It had been more than just going to a new school. She'd come a long way, but, in some ways, she hadn't felt whole yet. Her short term memory wasn't always reliable. She might call someone by the wrong name, and then the other kids would think she was dumb! Though she was walking and doing well, fatigue was still an issue after a full day of activity. So much so that her doctor had ordered her to not take any kind of physical education class when she'd started school a month ago. At school in DC, the teachers had treated her differently when she'd started back, and her friends had treated her like someone who was on the mend after an accident. Since Mattie couldn't do everything that she'd done before, they'd been content to just hang out with her. The kids at the new school wouldn't know about Mattie's accident and everything that she'd been through since then, and she'd been afraid that they wouldn't make any allowances for what she'd perceived as her shortcomings.
Mattie had started to make friends with a couple of girls, but they'd wanted to meet her at the mall or the movie theatre, and Mattie didn't have a way to get there. Well, she could take the city transit, but was unsure which bus to take. However, the need to make friends had led her to attempt the bus after school one day. Mattie had called her grandparents with the story that she was staying late at school because of a school project. Mattie had stayed at school until the end of the day, then had boarded the city bus that went by the mall. If she could figure out the bus route, she'd tell her friends that she could meet them this weekend. Trish had told her to call them when she was ready to come home, and one of them would pick her up from school if Mac wasn't home yet. That was one thing that Mattie hadn't been worried about. Mac wouldn't be home because she worked late almost every night. Mattie had found out that she should have been worried about it.
It was near the end of October, and Mac had left the office early to look at a condo. Mattie had walked in the door of the Burnett home, proud of herself for figuring out the bus schedule and the route to take from the Burnett's to the mall on Saturday. She was greeted by Mac with, "Mattie, I've been waiting for your call. How did you get home?" Mattie had been so caught off guard that she'd lied in response. "I rode home with a friend from school. Everyone drives except me," she'd yelled and stormed off upstairs to her room in an attempt to hide her guilty conscience.
During dinner that night, Mattie had been able to tell that Mac wasn't sure what to say about her outburst. Mac had stayed calm and hadn't mentioned it, but she'd blown her Saturday plans to meet her friends just the same. "Mattie, I looked at a condo this afternoon, and I want you to go with me on Saturday to look at the place before I sign a lease." Mattie had liked the condo. Her room was on the ocean side of the building and, though they couldn't see the ocean from their condo, when the window was open, Mattie could smell the sea. By the time they'd met with the agent showing the condo and signed a lease, the day was over, at least as far as getting to the mall to see her friends was concerned. From that day forward, Mattie hadn't missed an opportunity to hint about getting her driver's license. For instance, one night Trish had run out of milk while cooking and had asked Mattie to see if Mac minded going to the store for her. Mattie had gone into the other room and said to Mac, "Trish is out of milk and needs it to finish dinner. She'd like to know if you'd go get it for her. I'd go if I had a driver's license, but since I don't, I guess you'll have to do it, Mac."
The following weekend, the first weekend in November, Mac had talked to Harm, and they'd discussed Mattie getting a driver's license. Mac, being the disciplinarian all the time, had asked Harm to deliver the conditions under which she could get her license. First, she needed to wait until she saw the doctor in January for a check up to see if he found any medical reason why she shouldn't have one. The January appointment also happened to be a few weeks after report cards, and, if her grades were good, she could start the driver's training needed for a license in California when you're under eighteen.
After the conditions had been given, Mattie had tried harder at school. Mattie knew that she was smart, or at least she use to be, but now she had to work harder and harder, and her grades didn't reflect how hard she'd actually been working. She felt that she was never going to get the grades to get her learner's permit.
*****
Their plane landed in New York on time in the in the early morning hours of Friday the 9th. Mattie had been so quiet on the flight from San Diego and hadn't slept at all that Frank and Trish were worried about her. Frank and Trish were assuming that Mattie was upset about flying. If they'd asked Mattie, she might have let them believe that it was the flying, but the truth was, her thoughts had kept her from thinking about being in an airplane.
A delay in take off from New York to London due to weather was a distraction for Mattie. Frank and Trish said that, if they were going to be stuck in the airport for awhile, they wanted to have breakfast at a restaurant before boarding the next plane. Thank goodness New York is a city that doesn't sleep, because, given the early hour of the day, it wasn't difficult to find a nice restaurant that served breakfast on plates and not wrapped in paper. Frank and Trish kept Mattie's mind on the trip itself over breakfast with questions about places she wanted to see and things she wanted to do in London. Mattie had come to Trish's gallery once and seemed to enjoy the art, so Trish asked Frank if she could take Mattie to an art gallery in London on Monday before she and Frank left on Tuesday to visit other parts of Europe. Mattie enjoyed Trish and Frank's company and found that they were adjusting well to having a practically grown grandchild. It was decided that, if Harm didn't have any plans for Mattie on Monday, they'd take her to a gallery or two.
When it was announced that their flight would shortly be boarding for London, Frank called Harm in London to make alternate plans. Originally, they were going to take a taxi to Harm's office and drop off Mattie before proceeding to their hotel. However, the delay in departure from New York would put them in much later than they'd thought, so the plan was changed to meeting Harm at his apartment.
Once in the air again, Mattie's thoughts returned to her problems with Mac.
****
Though Mac had seemed worn out and tired when she'd been home, the few days of unpacking at the condo had been good. The first day they'd unpacked the kitchen together before working alone in their individual rooms. The second day they'd unpacked the living room, and it had been fun to see the things that Mac had and how they differed from Harm's. It was also interesting to see the pictures of the different people that Mac had wanted to display. Mac had made a point to tell Mattie that the open space that she'd left in the picture arrangement was reserved for a wedding picture. They'd ordered the wedding pictures at the end of September, and the photographer had mailed them to Harm's parents' house about six weeks later.
Trish had brought the wedding photos by the Wednesday after they'd moved. Mac and Mattie had looked through the photos that same night to see which one would be put in the empty space. The photo chosen was of Harm and Mac in the garden at the hotel. Having picked the perfect photo to join the others that night, Mac had taken Mattie to dinner the next night before they'd gone shopping for the perfect frame. Mac had bought two or three frames for different pictures. It was when the perfect wedding picture had joined the others that Mattie thought she knew the reason why she hadn't been getting along with Mac. It was because Mac had 'acquired' her because Mac loved Harm, and not because Mac loved her. Harm had explained why she was moving with Mac to California, but why hadn't he taken her to London if he loved her? She would've changed schools again.
Mattie had just pinpointed what she thought was the cause of her recent rebellious streak. It had been the next evening when Mattie had begun to lash out at everything. Even the simpliest things like being asked to set the table for dinner, taking out the trash or moving her packback from in front of the door, Mattie had met with a smart remark or claimed that she had homework to do and had simply disappeared into her room. Mattie hadn't been disrespectful to her grandparents, but the night before Thanksgiving, Mac had asked Mattie why she was so angry with her, and had wanted to talk things through. After making excuses like 'it's school,' 'you won't understand' and the big one, 'I wish I could live with Harm,' Mac had left Mattie alone, but things had been at an all time low, and the tension between them hadn't gone unnoticed by her grandparents.
By the end of Thanksgiving day, a plan had been put in motion for Mattie to see Harm for Christmas. Mattie had assumed that the trip hadn't been planned just so she could see Harm, but so that Mac could get a break from her. Therefore, the tension between them had remained, but Mattie had tried not to be quite so argumentative, especially over little things like setting the table.
Thursday afternoon, Mac had come home early to make sure that Mattie had everything packed and was ready to go. Mac and Mattie were going to pick up the Burnetts and then Mac would drive them all to the airport. Thirty minutes after Mac had arrived at the condo, Jennifer had called to verify an appointment that Mac had with someone. Mac had pulled out her day planner and made sure that the appointment was entered into her book.
Mattie wasn't sure why she'd done it, but when Mac had left the room to go get Mattie's passport out of the locked fire box in her bedroom, Mattie had gone over to look at Mac's calendar. Mattie had secretly hoped that she'd see an entry like 'meet boyfriend for dinner' so that she could tell Harm, and then she'd get to go live with him. When her eyes had scanned the page, her lungs had exhaled all the air that they'd held, leaving her light headed for a moment. Mattie had tried to think rationally as she'd looked at the entry on the 16th of December again: *Dr. Hastings, 1300. Mattie had snorted. 'She's probably pregnant,' she'd thought. An asterisk like the one next to the doctor's name on the date in the margin had changed Mattie's mind about her being pregnant. *If another procedure recommended on 16th, must wait until early January.
Mac had been coming downstairs and calling to her. "Mattie, come on or we'll be caught in traffic and I'll never get you to the airport on time."
Mattie had been by the door before Mac had reached the bottom of the stairs. Mattie had remianed quiet during her ride to her grandparents and to the airport, thinking about the calendar entry. Harm and Mac hadn't seen each other in almost three months. If she were pregnant and there was a problem, they'd have told her by now, wouldn't they? What was wrong with Mac? Why hadn't they told her what was wrong with her? Was the trip to London so that she could see the place before she had to move there because Mac was dying?
After seeing Mac's day planner before they'd left, Mattie had felt pangs of guilt at the airport when Mac had reached out, hugged her and whispered in her ear for her to have a good trip. She'd been a pain, and Mac was sick. What kind of person was she? She knew that Mac had been tired and run down, but she didn't know that it had been because she was sick, and she'd just kept being awful to Mac. What would Harm do without Mac? Did Harm know what was wrong? And if Harm knew, he'd be in no mood to deal with her teenage insecurities and rebellion, and he might not want her anymore.
****
They'd arrived at Harm's less than an hour ago. Harm had had some sliced fruit, vegetables, and sandwiches waiting for them when they'd arrived. His parents had stayed long enough to enjoy a light snack before leaving to check into their hotel.
After his parents had left, she told Harm that she was really tired. Harm carried her bag as he showed her to her room. He said that he'd wake her after his run in the morning, and, over breakfast, they could discuss what she'd like to do while she was here.
CHAPTER THREE – The First Seven Days
Saturday, December 10, 2005
Mattie had boarded a plane on Thursday night and, between the flight time, a delay in New York and time changes, she'd arrived late yesterday afternoon. Harm wasn't sure how the eight hour time change would effect Mattie, but he'd missed her and wanted to spend time as much time with her as possible. He knew that it was selfish, but Mattie could rest while he was at work during the coming week, so after his morning run and a quick shower, he knocked on Mattie's bedroom door. Once he'd made sure that Mattie was stirring, he went to the kitchen to start their breakfast.
Mattie said that she was tired and seemed to be sluggish, so Saturday turned out to be a day in of sorts. When they went out to the market for groceries, Harm's little car got a laugh from Mattie. After they'd returned to the apartment, they watched movies and talked about things that Mattie might have seen in the book that he'd given her or online that she'd like to see while she was here. Mattie asked Harm if he'd planned anything. His response was that he'd planned a couple of things for later in her visit, but nothing right away. He didn't know if the time change would be hard on her or not, so he had things that needed to be done, but they didn't need to be done on a schedule. He'd saved decorating the apartment for Christmas so that they could do it together, and they needed to go shopping so that Mattie could pick out a gift for Mac for Christmas. However, he explained that he hadn't planned any sightseeing because he first wanted to know if there was some place special that she wanted to see, because he preferred to take her to see a place that interested her instead of the standard tourist excursion. If she didn't have a preference of what she saw, he'd schedule a tourist's view of London for next weekend.
Mattie wanted to turn in not long after dinner, saying that she was tired, but she seemed more distracted than tired to Harm. Harm gave Mattie a tour of the apartment and showed her were things were located, like where the bath towels were stored, and then Mattie spent the rest of the evening in her room.
Harm had emailed Mac one line last night before he'd gone to bed: 'Mattie has arrived safely.' Tonight was Saturday and the usual day that he called Mac and Mattie, so before he went to bed, he called Mac. The call seemed short. Maybe it just seemed short because he usually talked to two people instead of just one. As he lay in bed, he thought about the call. They hadn't really talked about anything.
Sunday, December 11, 2005
With two exceptions, today was almost an exact duplicate of yesterday. The two exceptions were that Harm was able to get Mattie to go out for lunch and that Trish called to make sure that it was okay for them to pick up Mattie tomorrow to go to an art gallery or two. It was decided that Harm's office was closer to their hotel and a gallery that Trish was interested in seeing, so Mattie would go with Harm to the office in the morning. Trish and Frank would pick up Mattie from his office and spend the day with her, and then Harm would meet the three of them for dinner at the hotel where Trish and Frank were staying.
Monday, December 12, 2005
Harm went to knock on Mattie's door to make sure that she was up so that she could get ready while he was out for his morning run. Much to his surprise, Mattie's door was open and she was already up. During his run, he thought about how she'd been acting. He hoped that her being up this morning meant that she was feeling better and that they'd get out some this week.
Before Trish and Frank arrived, Harm got the chance to introduce Mattie to several people at his office, among them, Petty Officer Banks, his yeoman, and Commander Manetti, his XO.
Monday mornings were usually busy for Harm. There were always phone messages and emails that he needed to read and respond to as well as cases that had come in over the weekend that needed to be reviewed before staff call. Mattie had made an amazing difference in his outlook towards the normally boring but necessary tasks this morning. In fact, his whole day seemed good, the first good day at work that he'd had in awhile. Harm attributed this feeling to the smile and hug that Mattie had given him before she'd left with Trish and Frank. Mattie was here and, though it would be better if his wife were here, too, it was still nice having part of his family around.
Harm left the office about half an hour early so that he could change to go to dinner. He met his parents and Mattie at the hotel restaurant as planned. Mattie looked tired, but happy, unlike the distracted look that she'd had on Saturday. Mattie was very animated in discussing her visit to The National Gallery in particular. In fact, Mattie monopolized the dinner conversation with talk of her outing with Trish and Frank. Mattie also mentioned during dinner that, based on things that Trish and Frank had suggested and things that she’d remembered from the book that Harm had given her on his visit to her in the hospital, she'd made a list of places that she'd like to visit while she was in London. She said that maybe tomorrow they could decorate the apartment for Christmas and discuss her list. Harm was thrilled that the 'old' Mattie seemed to be back.
By the time they returned to the apartment after saying their goodbyes to Trish and Frank, Mattie and Harm were tired. It was interesting that, since Mattie seemed to be feeling better, he was more relaxed and ready to get a good night's sleep himself.
Mattie was able to go to sleep easier tonight, tired from the activities of the day and feeling more secure. If Mac had told Harm about her behavior, he'd have said something over the course of the weekend, so Mac must not have tattled on her.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Harm woke Mattie for breakfast before he left for work for the day. Over breakfast, they discussed what Mattie would do while he was at work. She’d bought some postcards yesterday, and said she thought she’d write short notes on the back and get them ready to mail, review her list of places to see, and take a nap. Those were her top three choices. After saying that he’d call around lunchtime to check on her, he also told her that he should be able to get away from the office a little early and he’d see her then.
Harm hadn’t been able to leave early, so when he got home, he started dinner. After dinner, they started decorating for the holiday. While they removed items from the two small boxes that Harm had of Christmas decorations, they discussed her list of things that she wanted to see while she was in London. One of her requests was to see the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace. Harm said that it was a morning event, so when he went into the office tomorrow, he’d check to see if he had a morning when he didn’t have an appointment that would interfere with him coming in late. Other items on her list included: several museums, including the British Museum and The Museum of London, The Tower of London, any one or all of the street markets that Trish had told her about, and she wanted to see the church where Princess Diana had been married to Prince Charles, Westminster Abbey or St. Paul’s Cathedral, she wasn't sure, and she wanted to walk on Baker Street, made famous in her mind in the pages of Sherlock Holmes books that she’d read.
While talking and untangling light strings, Mattie seemed rested and happy, making Harm feel that his sense that something had been wrong a few days ago must really have been Mattie’s fatigue, and that he should relax and enjoy her visit.
A short time later while decorating the tree, Harm’s concern that something wasn’t right returned. Harm knew that it was time to start asking questions, but Mattie was never one to be pushed, so he used his skills as an experienced investigator to try to get her to open up to him. He’d only ask a few questions at a time, and not back to back in order to avoid her becoming aware of what he was trying to do. He hoped that she'd either reveal the problem or put his mind at ease. He’d start with generic questions that she should be expecting.
“How do you like San Diego?”
“I liked the weather at first. You know, wearing shorts in September was cool. However, Christmas without snow is one thing, but it isn’t even cold there in December!”
They then compared the weather of the Virginia/DC area, San Diego and London before Mattie asked a question.
“I thought you were going to come to San Diego. How much longer are you going to be in London?”
Unfortunately, there was no answer to her question. Harm answered the only way he could. “I need to talk to Mac about that. I don’t know how long we want to wait for the Navy to find a billet for me in the San Diego area. We may be better off if I go ahead and put in my paperwork to retire. I was hoping that Mac would be joining us for Christmas and that I could talk to her about it face to face. She said that she'd requested ten days, but the last time I asked her about it, she was kind of irritated and said that she hadn’t heard anything about it yet and that she’d let me know. I’m still waiting.”
“I think Mac works too hard.” Mattie paused. “I guess you don’t get a say in how many hours a day you work in the Navy.”
“No, you don’t."
"She’s just really tired all the time, so I was wondering.”
Time for his next question. “How are you feeling?”
“Good. Of course, I have days when I get tired, but it takes a little bit more to wear me out each time.”
“So you haven’t had any problems getting around at school then?”
“I can walk just fine, but if I had my license, I could get around better.”
“Since you brought it up, how is school going? Do you think your grades are going to be good enough for you to get your license?"
They were putting the finishing touches on the tree while Mattie answered. "I've been trying really hard and I hope that my report card shows it."
After finishing with the tree, Mattie and Harm indulged in some chocolate ice cream before Harm said that he thought he'd call it a night. After Mattie had mentioned how much Mac worked, he hadn't wanted to tell her that had some case files to review for tomorrow's staff meeting.
From the 'talk' they'd had while decorating the tree, Mattie was sure that Harm didn't know about Mac seeing a doctor.
Harm read the files that he needed to and went to bed, reviewing what insights he’d gathered on what was bothering Mattie. She was worried about Mac, school, and something else that she hadn't yet been able to share with him. Whatever it was, Harm was pretty sure that it was gnawing at Mattie and that it would come out in time. Nevertheless he had two pieces of the puzzle.
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Harm followed his normal morning routine with the addition of getting Mattie up to have breakfast with him before he left for work. Today, he was almost to the door when Mattie asked if he could mail the postcards that she'd written yesterday. After Mattie had retrieved the postcards from her bedroom, Harm was on his way.
After the staff meeting in the morning, Harm called in his yeoman and they went to work to rearrange Harm's schedule where they could. It took a little time to be sure that all the changes had been made, but they made it happen. Harm called Mattie to tell her that he was on his way home just after 1200. Harm arrived at the apartment and changed out of his uniform before they left. They might be able to accomplish two things at once: checking off shopping at a street market from Mattie's list and Mattie picking out a Christmas gift for Mac. Tired, they returned to the apartment after a late dinner out, but with several things checked off Mattie's list of things to see in London.
While shopping, Harm had noticed that Mattie had become very quiet whenever he'd mentioned Mac's name or buying her a present. During dinner, Harm had managed to ask a few more questions, but he wasn't sure what her answers had revealed.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
After they'd returned home last night, Harm had told Mattie about the plans for the next few days. He hadn't been able to free up time in the early morning or late afternoon today, but he'd cleared time at midday so that he could take an extended lunch. True to his word, Harm showed up and had lunch with her at the apartment.
Harm came home at 1700 and fixed them dinner. They watched a movie and had some popcorn before calling it a night. Tomorrow, they were going to check something else off her list.
Friday, December 16, 2005
Today the usual routine of getting up was followed, but instead of Harm leaving for work, they left together to go out for breakfast and a little sightseeing before watching the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace. The changing of the guard ceremony held Mattie's attention, yet the moment it was over, she became petulant again. She'd started floating in and out of this 'mood' since yesterday afternoon - sometime around the time when he'd first mentioned Mac's name. Mentioning Mac's name while decorating the tree the other night had changed Mattie's mood, too. Something was definitely troubling her, but he couldn't imagine what. Mac had told him about Mattie not wanting to start school, but she was going. He knew about Mattie wanting her license, but none of what he knew seemed to be a reason for Mattie to appear to be so indifferent towards Mac.
Mattie knew that she wasn't hiding her feelings very well when they returned to the apartment. Harm changed into his uniform and grabbed his laptop. He told Mattie that she could catch up on her email or play computer games at his office while he was working. She knew that Harm must be worried about her, but she also knew that he didn't know why she was acting the way she was. She didn't want to take the time to figure out the time change differential, but today was the 16th and, at some point today in San Diego, Mac was going to be seeing a doctor...a doctor whom Harm seemed to know nothing about from the talks that they'd had over the last several days.
After an hour of spending time watching Mattie's back as she surfed the net and emailed her friends using his laptop computer at a table in his office, Harm had the perfect excuse for sending Mattie to the conference room. He had a scheduled meeting with Commander Manetti about the Bach case. Harm showed Mattie the way to the conference room and returned to his office. He had a couple of minutes, and it was time to interview some witnesses in the case of Mattie v. Mac. Harm called his mother and Frank.
Trish and Frank said that they'd stayed out of 'parental matters' while Mac and Mattie had been living with them, and once they'd moved out, they hadn't been in a position to observe anything. Trish was going to leave it at that, and then decided that she couldn't. Although, she didn't really have any facts to back up her intuition, Trish left her son with this information. "You have to understand, Harm, that I don't *know* anything. What I'm about to say is just what I believe to be true, with no facts to support my view, so take it as a theory. I don't think that Mattie and Mac are as strong as they'd like you to believe. I think they miss you, and the move has been hard on both of them. Mac's trying to do everything perfectly, both at work and at home, but there's no such thing as perfect, and it's leaving her stressed and tired. And I think Mattie's a teenager who's unsure of whom she can trust, based on her previous experience."
Commander Manetti's knock kept Harm from asking his mother more questions for clarification.
Harm finished his work, and he and Mattie dined out before heading to the apartment after a full day.
CHAPTER FOUR – Time Reveals Part of the Answers
Saturday, December 17, 2005
Harm let Mattie sleep in a little later this morning because today was going to be nonstop tourist stuff, from a ride on a double-decker bus to a close up view of the River Thames.
They put in a full day of it and returned tired and hungry. Harm cooked dinner and promised another day like it tomorrow, saying that, since this was the last weekend before Christmas, they needed to keep at it if she was going to see everything on her list. She could use Monday to recover while he was at work.
While they were eating, Harm asked Mattie if she wanted to talk to Mac when he called after dinner, and Mattie had answered that she'd like to talk to her. Harm thought that hearing at least one side of their conversation might provide another piece of the puzzle if he could interrupt it correctly. After the dishes had been cleared from the table, Harm dialed the number. Mattie sat in the chair opposite Harm, listening and waiting for her turn. Mac answered on the second ring with a very tired sounding, "Hello."
"You sound tired," Harm stated.
"I am. I've been working very hard. I thought it would slow down for the holidays and let me catch up, but it hasn't."
"That explains the short conversation last Saturday and the one and two line emails from you this past week. I wish you could be here so that we could have a family Christmas together, but I understand. I want you to know that Mattie will be bringing back a present or two for you."
Mac was smiling on the other end at the thought of being together. "So you miss me, huh?"
"More than you'll ever know."
Mattie was squirming and seemed anxious to talk to Mac, so Harm said that there was someone else who missed her and wanted to say hello, and he handed the phone to Mattie. Harm listened carefully to this side of the conversation, hoping to gather more information about the trouble between Mac and Mattie.
“Hi, Mac, are you feeling okay? I mean, have you been able to get any sleep with me away?”
“Hello, Mattie, I feel fine. I’m getting as much sleep as I did when you were here.” Mac paused, thinking about Mattie feeling responsible for her lack of sleep, and it caused her heart to ache. “Mattie, it’s not your fault. I just feel a lot of pressure to make this new office a success. It’s work that's keeping me awake, not you. Do you understand?”
“Yeah, I understand. I was just hoping that you’d get better without me there.”
“Mattie, I’m glad you care, but you don’t need to worry. I’m just tired. My plan for the office is on schedule, which means that, by the first of the year, I won’t be putting in so many hours. I’ll have time to rest and spend with you, if you want to.”
“I’d like that. I know that I’ve been a pain lately, but I would like to spend more time with you.” Mattie’s tone echoed the remorse that she felt. Mattie was focused on the conversation that she was having with Mac and didn’t see Harm’s reaction to her comment about being a ‘pain.’ That was something that Harm wanted to know more about after the call.
“I know that having to live with me instead of Harm, Harm and me getting married, and the move was a lot for you to take in all at once. We’ve had a rocky start, but when you’re ready to talk, we’ll work it out.”
“I hope it isn’t too late.” Mattie was visibly upset as she spoke this line, and Harm took note of it.
“We’ll have a long talk when you’re ready,” Mac replied.
“Okay, soon.” Mattie was starting to feel the sting of the tears forming in the corner of her eyes. “I'd better let you talk to Harm now.” Mattie handed the phone back to Harm, and the look on his face told her that the comments that she'd made would result in the conversation that she’d been dreading for a week.
Harm took the phone and watched Mattie sitting with her hands clasped in her lap while he put the phone up to his ear and spoke. Harm wanted to know what was going on from Mac, but he didn’t want to have the conversation in front of Mattie. “Hey, I’m back,” Harm said, since it was only thing that he could say at the moment.
Mac knew that Mattie had become upset during their conversation. “Hey, I know you probably have a million questions, but I don’t have any answers. We need to get off the phone. She’s upset, and you need to talk to her. Maybe she’ll tell you what's going on.”
“What about you?”
“I’ll be fine if you can tell me what’s wrong with our daughter. Please call me after you've had a chance to talk to her."
“I'll will. I love you."
"I love you. Bye"
"Bye." Harm hung up the phone and locked his gaze on Mattie.
Mattie had been able to keep the tears from falling. She sat in the chair across from him, waiting for him to say something. She knew that she wouldn't have to wait long when his eyes became fixed on hers.
"Are you going to tell me what you meant when you said 'I've been a pain'?"
Defenses in place at the moment, Mattie returned a flippant answer. "Mac's already told you, so just dish out my punishment."
"Mac told me that you were reluctant to start school and that you wanted you're driver's license, but now I'm sure that I didn't get the whole story. I want you to fill in the blanks."
Mattie took in a deep breath and tried to form her thoughts while wondering why Mac hadn't told Harm about her behavior. Mattie did as he asked and gave Harm a full confession, even about the bus trip to the mall after school that she was sure that no one knew about. Mattie finished speaking and looked at Harm. She hoped that he'd just ground her so she could go to her room.
Harm listened without interupting until he knew that she'd finished. "Why, Mattie, why did you do those things?"
"Different reasons for different things."
"Tell me."
Mattie told him about her fears about school and the need to be like other kids her age concerning the driver's license. After that information, Harm asked about the other incidents.
Mattie answered, "None of it was on purpose. I'd be upset because I'd gotten a so so grade on a test that I knew that I studied hard for, and Mac would ask me to do something, and things would just come out of my mouth."
"Why didn't you talk to Mac about what was bothering you instead of snapping at her?"
"She works a lot. If she's there, she brings work home, or she looks so tired that I don't want to bother her."
"Mattie, you wouldn't have been a bother to her. She'll talk to you anytime you need to talk." Harm paused. "Why didn't you talk to me when I called or email me that we needed to talk? I would've called to talk to you."
"I didn't want you to decide that I was too much trouble. You might change your mind about being my guardian."
Harm slid over onto the coffee table to get closer to Mattie. "Mattie, I thought we were past all this. I'm sorry that I haven't made it clear lately. I'm not going anywhere. You can talk to me any time about anything."
Tears began to flow slowly down Mattie's cheeks. "So you're not mad?"
"Angry at myself for not being there for you, but I'm not angry with you."
Mattie began to feel better after her teenage troubles were out in the open. Her arms went around Harm's neck, and they hugged briefly. Mattie pulled away and said that she wanted to go wash her face before she helped him with the dinner dishes.
Harm watched Mattie turn to go down the hall to the bathroom. He called to her. "Mattie, in case I haven't told you lately, I love you."
Mattie smiled. "I love you, too," she replied and disappeared down the hall.
Mattie returned a few minutes later, and they did the dishes together before the physical activity from sightseeing and the emotional drain of this evening's confessions took their toll. Mattie announced that she'd like to go to bed and get some rest since they had a busy day planned again for tomorrow. She hugged Harm before going to her room. Harm started to call Mac, but decided against it. He'd see if Mattie's mood improved over the next couple of days before calling Mac and letting her know what had transpired here tonight.
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Minus the moodiness that Mattie had displayed before, the day was wonderful, full of sightseeing and fun. Mattie was lively and pleasant. She took pictures and was thrilled to check off more things on her list. They had such a good time that it was dinner time before they knew it. They opted to have dinner out and enjoy the atmosphere of the city a little longer. They returned to the apartment after dinner, tired and ready to get some rest.
Monday, December 19, 2005
The weekday routine was followed, and Harm and Mattie had breakfast together. During breakfast, Harm told her that Monday mornings were always hectic at the office, but by lunch, he'd have the office settled enough to get home by two. They'd go shopping because they still hadn't bought Mac a present.
As Harm gathered his cover and briefcase, Mattie asked, "What do you think Mac wants for Christmas?"
"I don't know. Since we're running out of time, we might have to go with a bottle of her favorite perfume."
"Harm, what do you want for Christmas?"
Christmas was this weekend, and Mac hadn't said a word about getting leave, so he answered Mattie's question in a low voice full of disappointment. "What I really wanted was Christmas with my family."
Mattie asked, "No word from Mac though?"
Harm shook his head. "I'll be home early, so rest up so we can get our shopping done."
Harm returned in the afternoon and they headed out to do their shopping. On the way, Mattie asked why Harm wanted to make sure that he got the gift before Christmas if Mac wasn't going to be there. Harm replied that it wasn't really a Christmas present if he bought it after Christmas. He added that, if he knew his mother, there'd be pictures taken on Christmas day, and Mac's present needed to be under the tree so that she wouldn't think that the gift was an afterthought when she saw the pictures.
They ate dinner out again, but they'd finished their shopping. They spent the evening watching a movie and wrapping a couple of Christmas presents before calling it a night.
Mattie was feeling better, but Mac's doctor's appointment still weighed heavy on her mind. She needed to talk to Harm about it, but it was so close to Christmas. If it was bad news, it would spoil his Christmas even more than not having her here for the family Christmas that he wanted.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Their morning routine was the same. Over breakfast, Harm told Mattie that he had some meetings today that would keep him at the office all day. Mattie said that she'd wrap the presents that they hadn't wrapped last night, watch a movie or two, take a nap, the usual stuff while he was gone.
Harm left for the office, feeling good about the situation with Mattie. It had been a couple of days since the intense conversation, and Mattie was much better. Harm still saw something in Mattie's eyes that led him to believe that Mattie still hadn't told him everything, but if things went well today, he'd call Mac tomorrow. He'd ease Mac's worries by telling her that he thought he'd solved some of Mattie's troubles by letting her talk. However, some of it Mac would need to solve. There were things that Mattie hadn't said that made him sure that Mattie needed to hear something from Mac as well.
Harm got home at the usual 1700 and started preparing dinner. Mattie came into the kitchen to see if she could help. She'd been thinking about it all day...Mac's doctor's appointment. What if Mac's appointment wasn't bad news? Maybe Harm did know, but because it wasn't a big deal, he just hadn't mentioned it. If it was bad news, what would happen to her? Mattie had rehearsed what she wanted to say, on and off all day, but when she asked her first question, her words didn't follow any of the scripts that her mind had rehearsed.
"Harm, can I ask you a legal question?"
Harm smiled. "I am a lawyer, so I can probably handle a legal question. Go ahead. What's your question?"
"If something happened to Mac, what would happen to me?"
Harm thought the question odd, but he answered. "Since the judge ordered joint permanent custody, you'd still be legally in my care without any hearings or anything. Does that answer your question?"
"Yeah, I think so. What would you do without Mac?"
Okay, he was concerned about this line of questioning. "I hope that I don't ever have to find out. I could have lost her when she was shot, and that was close enough for me to know that I don't want to lose her."
"What if you did? What would you do?"
For whatever reason, Mattie seemed to need to know the answers to these questions. "I'm not sure. I'd be upset and sad of course, but I'd have you, so I'd get through it. Why are you asking?"
"Because Mac has been tired and run down, she doesn't eat much and she had a doctor's appointment on the 16th that she didn't tell me about. Harm, is she really sick? Is she going to die?"
Here it was, the last piece of the puzzle about what was bothering Mattie. Unfortunately, the information about a doctor's appointment was a complete surprise to Harm. He didn't know that Mac had had an appointment. He didn't know what to say. "It must have been routine or she would have mentioned it to me.
"You didn't know about the appointment either?"
"No, I didn't. If she didn't tell you, then how do you know about her appointment?"
"Jen called just as we were getting ready to leave for the airport. Mac opened her planner to write something down and left it open. I saw it when she went to her bedroom to get my passport. I didn't mean to upset you, but I'm worried about her."
"Let's give her a call and try to clear this up."
Harm tried calling Mac at home, no answer. He tried calling her cell phone, no answer, and it went directly to voice mail. Harm looked at his watch. He'd been trying not to look worried and he hadn't taken into account the time difference. She should be at the office right now. He dialed her office number and got Petty Officer Coates. Jennifer said that she was in a meeting and she'd give the colonel the message to call him. Harm and Mattie waited, but no call came. Several hours past and there was still no call from Mac. Before Harm and Mattie went to bed, he tried to call Mac again. Jennifer said that Mac had stepped out for some lunch and should be back shortly.
Mac didn't return his call that night, but when he got to the office in the morning, he'd find an email from her.
CHAPTER FIVE – Can It Be That Easy?
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Since Mac hadn't returned his call, the uneasiness that Harm felt kept him tossing and turning all night. He woke from his restless sleep without the energy to take his morning run, yet he needed the run to get his blood pumping to energize him for the new day.
He returned from his run and knocked on Mattie’s bedroom door to wake her for breakfast the way he’d done every morning since she’d arrived. He showered in water cooler than usual, hoping that the temperature would aid in making him more alert. As the cool water began to have the desired effect, he wondered why Mac wouldn’t tell him about a routine doctor’s appointment. She wouldn’t…of course, if she wasn’t feeling well and didn’t know why. She might not tell him about going until after the doctor had told her what was wrong.
After breakfast, Harm left for work. He wanted to call Mac as soon as he arrived at the office, but the eight hour time difference made it the middle of the night in California. If Mac was even half as tired as Mattie thought or that she sounded on the phone, Mac needed the sleep. He settled in behind his desk with a cup of coffee and started his work routine. He checked his phone messages first. With nothing that couldn’t wait, he moved on to checking his email. He should have checked it sooner, knowing that Mac wouldn’t have wanted to call him in the middle of the night either. Two down from the top was an email from Mac. He read it first.
Dear Harm,
I wanted you to know that I got your messages. Jennifer said that you called twice, but that you didn’t say that it was important or an emergency. I was having such a busy day that I didn’t want to call you if we didn’t really have time to talk. I was hoping that you were calling to give me news on Mattie and I’m very interested in what you’ve uncovered. I’m leaving San Diego for a meeting and I’m not sure that my cell phone will be useful, but we’ll talk tomorrow, the 21st. I’ll call you.
Love,
Mac
PS No war zone, so relax.
Harm was able to release a little of the tension in his shoulders from worrying after reading her email. She was on her way to a meeting, meaning that the doctor hadn’t ordered a procedure, surgery or some other form of treatment that had kept her from working or traveling. So if she was sick, it couldn’t be too serious.
If she was going out of town, she probably wouldn’t get his email before they talked, so he scanned the other emails for work related items before closing the program and checking his calendar for today's appointments. His schedule was heavy today, and he’d be putting in a full day's work. He looked at his watch, fifteen minutes until his first meeting. He called Mattie to let her know that he’d heard from Mac and that she’d be calling them later today.
Rabb Residence - London
As Harm had calculated, he hadn't been able to get away from the office early, and arrived back at the apartment at 1710. Harm chatted with Mattie for a few minutes about what she'd done today before slipping back to his room to change into a more comfortable outfit of a knit pullover sweater and jeans.
As he passed through the living room in route to the kitchen from his bedroom, he spoke to Mattie. "You're in luck tonight because I'm fixing my famous stir fried vegetables with tofu."
Mattie crinkled her nose at his dinner choice. "Can't we talk about this? I mean, eating healthier is one thing, but tofu? Please!"
Harm heard her reply as he entered the kitchen. He then began to gather the necessary ingredients for his dish from the appropriate cupboard, drawer and refrigerator compartment when Mattie entered the kitchen and began to tease Harm about what she considered to be his strange choices of food.
Meanwhile, with Harm and Mattie in the kitchen...
Mac's large suitcase on wheels allowed her to place her carryon bag on top of it while she kept her purse over her shoulder, allowing her one hand to be free to reach for the doorknob. Since she didn’t have the key in hand, she was glad that the door was unlocked and that the knob turned easily, but she was surprised at the lack of security. Mac heard laughter coming from the room to her right, but she proceeded back to the bedroom.
The bedroom door was pulled to, but not shut tightly, so she pushed the bedroom door open with her foot. She looped the handle of her purse over the knob on the back of the door before moving further into the room. She parked her wheeled suitcase on the floor next to the left side of the bed and left her carryon perched on top of it, giving it some height and making it easier to retrieve the plastic bag from inside, holding what she hoped that Mattie would consider a treat.
Mac clutched the plastic bag as she made her way towards the room from where she’d heard the laughter coming when she’d arrived. If her memory served her correctly, they were in the kitchen. The trip had been long, but worth it because she was feeling better just being here. As she neared the kitchen, she gathered that the laughter that she’d heard when she'd arrived had been enough noise to mask her entering the apartment.
In the kitchen, as Mac got close to the doorway …
Mattie pulled out a box of shredded wheat cereal from a cupboard and teased Harm. "I'd rather eat the box this cereal came in than tofu."
The atmosphere was relaxed and playful, and Harm returned her jesting. "Okay, I'm having stir fry and you're having cardboard, or is that a paper box? And would you like milk with that?"
Mac could hear the exchange from her position just to the side of the kitchen doorway. She was saddened by the fact that she and Mattie didn’t enjoy playful interactions like the one she was hearing. Mac’s heart raced with anticipation. She was just seconds from seeing them. Mac took in a deep breath and stepped into the doorway. “I’d skip the box and go for the pizza that I brought from New York.”
Mattie and Harm's heads spun in the direction of the voice. Harm stared in disbelief for a moment. Mattie’s mind focused on the words and not the fact that Mac was here.
Mattie's eyes lit up. "You have a pizza with you?"
"It’s a personal sized pizza from a chain place in the airport in New York. I thought after almost two weeks with ‘almost a vegetarian’ here, you might appreciate a pepperoni pizza, even if it wasn’t from your favorite pizzeria."
Mattie was hoping that the pizza was her rescue from tofu. "Harm, can I have it for dinner?" Mattie asked.
Harm hadn't said a word since Mac had made her presence known until now. His eyes stayed locked on Mac as he answered, "Yeah, she got you out of tofu."
Mattie could see the need for them to greet each other building, and she didn’t want to witness it. “I’ll leave you two alone if someone will reheat my pizza.”
“No problem,” Harm replied quickly.
Mattie slipped past Mac. Mac moved closer to Harm. “Since I'm hungry and I just gave away my pizza stash, can I share with you?"
The kitchen wasn’t that big and she was within reach. His arms reached out for her, snaking around her and pulling her to him. “I’ll share,” he said as their lips came together.
The smell of the heating oil in the wok caused them to break from their kiss. “You tend to our dinner so it doesn’t burn, and I’ll heat Mattie’s pizza.”
Everything for the stir fry had been chopped, and the few minutes that it would take to heat Mattie’s pizza would be plenty of time for Harm to finish their dinner. Harm and Mac moved about the kitchen, working in silence. If Mattie hadn't been there, they wouldn't have been able to keep their hands off each other. In fact, they probably would have forgotten all about dinner and gone straight to bed. As it was, they couldn't keep their eyes off each other.
Harm entered the dining area with his completed dinner and called out, "Mattie, dinner's ready.”
Mattie came in from the living room and took her place at the table, focusing a piercing gaze on Mac.
Mac had hoped that Harm's call the other night was about Mattie and that tensions would've eased, but Mac wasn’t getting that impression over dinner. Mac had to concede that surprising Harm may have been a good idea, but just showing up may not have been such a good idea for Mattie. Mac didn’t address Mattie directly, but offered an explanation. "I would've let you know that I was coming, but my request wasn't approved immediately and, by the time I received the go ahead, I wasn't sure that I was going to be able to get a flight so close to the holiday. Once I was able to make the arrangements, I decided to surprise you instead. I hope that was all right," Mac added, referring to Mattie's reaction to her arrival.
Harm reached over and squeezed Mac's hand. "Of course, Mac. I'm thrilled you got to come. Having you here makes the holiday perfect."
"When are you returning to San Diego?" Mattie asked.
Mac didn’t detect any animosity in Mattie’s question, but she felt that Mattie didn’t want her here just the same. "The first of January. I’m booked on the same flight that you are. I was surprised that I could get that flight because it wasn’t easy booking flights to get here.”
"Sounds like you have a story to tell us about getting here." Harm wasn't sure what to make of Mattie's less than friendly greeting towards Mac this evening, when Mattie had been so worried about her a few days ago.
"Because of the late booking, I had to make multiple plane changes to get here. I left San Diego last night for Washington. I had a layover at Dulles and, even though it was late, Harriet met me at the airport. I gave her gifts for the children, and she gave us a present. She said that we needed to open it on Christmas Eve. She also gave me the annual Roberts' family Christmas photo to show you. We had a nice visit before my flight from Washington to New York boarded. During the layover in New York, I bought some postcards to send the Roberts' children and Chloe, and two pizzas, the one I ate before boarding the plane for London and the one Mattie just had."
"May I be excused?" Mattie requested. Harm thought that he should talk to Mac before she or they talked to Mattie, so he granted Mattie permission to leave the table.
Mattie scooped up her dirty dishes and moved to the kitchen. Mattie had to pass back through the dining room to go to either the living room or her bedroom, so Harm and Mac sat in silence while finishing their dinner. Mac was jealous that Harm hadn’t had to say a word to get Mattie to take her dirty dishes to the kitchen. Mattie passed by them a few moments later on her way to her bedroom. Harm and Mac remained silent until the last bites of their dinner were gone.
Harm stood and grabbed a few dirty dishes. "You've had a long journey. Why don't you go ahead and get ready for bed? I'll do these dishes, check on Mattie and be in soon."
Mac picked up the last few remaining dishes on the table. "Let me help get the dirty dishes to the sink and then I'll get ready for bed." Mac followed Harm to the kitchen and put down the dishes before going to the bedroom to change.
Mattie was in her room, and heard Harm's room door close. She thought they’d gone to bed, so she headed to the kitchen to get a soft drink.
Mattie found Harm washing dishes. "I thought you'd gone to bed," Mattie said.
"Not yet, I'm trying to figure out how to ask Mac about a doctor's appointment that she told neither one of us about."
"I never thought about that." Mattie reached for a towel to dry dishes that Harm had washed.
"I sent Mac to bed because she looks every bit as tired as you said she did. I see why you've been worried."
Mac had gotten ready for bed, but grew impatient waiting for Harm, so she decided to go help Harm get the dishes done so that he could join her sooner. Mac arrived at the kitchen doorway just in time to hear that Mattie had been worried about her. Mac entered the kitchen. "No one needs to worry. I actually had a check up this past Friday, and the doctor said that I'm healthy. She hoped that I'd be able to take a few days off and get some rest over the holidays, but other than that, I’m fine."
Harm breathed a little easier, but Mattie was so relieved that, without thinking about her actions, she went over and hugged Mac. "I'm glad you're okay."
Mac was surprised and thrilled at the same time by the genuine affection that Mattie was displaying, and returned the hug without hesitation. "Thank you." Mac released the hug when Mattie began to pull away.
"I came in to get something to drink. If you can finish the dishes, Harm, I'll get my drink and go back to my room," Mattie said while placing the drying towel back on the rack.
"Yeah, go ahead," Harm replied, and Mattie moved to get a cold soft drink. Harm asked, "Mac, would you like a cup of tea? Might help you sleep."
Mattie slipped quietly from the room.
"No thank you. Really, I'm fine. Do you want me to dry those last few dishes?"
"No, I want you to go start getting some of that rest you need."
Mac moved close to Harm and kissed him on the cheek. "Come to bed soon."
Harm watched as her cream colored silk robe-covered-body moved gracefully out of the room. The memory of the matching gown fluttering through his mind made it hard to return to his chore, but he did. Once the dishes were finished, he went to check on Mattie. The swings in Mattie’s reactions to Mac from caring to indifference and back again had him baffled. He knocked on Mattie’s door and, with her reply of “come in,” he opened the door and took a step inside.
“Mattie, are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m glad that Mac’s okay.”
“Me, too, and I'm happy that I didn’t have to ask about an appointment that I didn't know about."
“Yeah, could've been akward."
“Goodnight, Mattie.”
“Goodnight, Harm.”
Harm left the room, sure that Mattie had been crying before he'd entered it. If Mac was still awake, maybe it was time for him to talk to her about Mattie and his assessment of why she was behaving so strangely. Harm was hoping that Mac was still up so they could talk, and yet he hoped that Mac was asleep because talking wasn’t the only thing that he wanted to do, and she really did look exhausted.
Harm’s bedside lamp was on when he entered the room. He stripped down to his boxers before he lifted the covers on the right side of the bed and slipped in. He switched his alarm clock on, turned off the lamp and pulled the covers up over him. He'd just put his head on the pillow, trying to settle in without waking Mac when Mac began to snuggle against him. His arms not resisting the chance to hold her, he moved to allow her to get as close to him as she wanted. She rested her head on his shoulder, and his arms moved around her as she wiggled her body as close to his as possible.
He spoke softly. "I thought you were asleep."
"I've been waiting for you. I wanted to know if you had any clue yet as to why she hates me.”
“She doesn’t hate you. In fact, I believe the opposite is true. When Mattie and I had our talk the other night, she was worried about you. She said that you worked long hours and were very tired.”
“She did seem to be happy when I mentioned my check up and said that I was okay.”
“From our talk the other night, worrying about you was one thing that was bothering Mattie. She still doesn’t have the confidence level in herself that she had prior to the accident. I think it amplifies the usual teenage worries about having friends and fitting in. When we were talking about school and her grades, I think that the residual affects that her injuries left, like her short term memory issue, is causing her more trouble with studying than she’s been leading us to believe. She had me mail some postcards for her a few days after she arrived. One of them was addressed to Miss Nancy at the foster house where she lived, but the note that she wrote was to Tyler. I think she enjoyed having someone who looked up to her and I think she misses him, and I have a theory of why her emotions run so hot and cold towards you, too."
“A theory, huh. So you’re saying you have a guess?" She was smiling. "Let me hear it.”
“Do you remember telling me that you wondered if she wasn’t really mine because of something she said?” Mac nodded to keep him talking so that she could hear this theory of his. “And do you remember me telling you that she’s like you because she wants time to deal with things internally before she’s ready to talk or ask questions?”
“Yes.”
"She is like us in a lot of ways. She loves you, but she isn’t ready yet to admit it. Since her mother died, I don't think that she's quite ready to accept you in the mothering role that you have in her life. I think the reason that she hasn’t talked to you about it is because she doesn’t know if she can. And you probably feel that since you visited her when she was in the hospital, took custody of her, saw to her daily needs and so on that she should know that you love her, but I think that she needs to hear you to say it.”
“Do you really think that will help? Can it be that easy?” Mac was sleep deprived, and she yawned as she spoke.
“Well, it seemed to work for me with you.”
She lifted her head off his shoulder and whispered “I love you” against his lips before their lips touched in a tender kiss.
Their lips parted. “I love you,” Harm replied. This is what I miss most when we’re not together…just being with you.”
This was important information, but here in a place where she felt warm, comfortable, safe, and loved, her eyelids were becoming too heavy to stay open. Once her eyes were closed, she drifted quickly to sleep.
The even breaths and the lack of response to his words let Harm know that Mac had fallen asleep. Any more talking would have to wait. Having Mac here and the joy of being able to hold her kept him from falling asleep right away. Once his mind had wrapped itself around the reality that she was really here, he relaxed and fell into a deep sleep himself.
CHAPTER SIX – The Rest of the Story
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Harm woke, lying on his side with Mac’s form against his back and her arm draped over him. As his body started to shake off the morning haze of sleep, his mind lingered on the thought of skipping his morning run and making love to the woman lying behind him, but he forced himself to slip from bed without waking her. The decision to leave their bed hadn’t been an easy one. It was the right one, though, because Mac needed to rest, and with no resolution in the Mac and Mattie situation, a change in routine immediately after Mac’s arrival might cause more tension between the two of them.
Harm returned from his run to the aroma of coffee brewing. He went into the kitchen where Mac was standing in her robe, making the egg and milk mixture to dip bread in for French toast. “I went for a run so you could sleep. I didn't want to wake you.”
“You didn’t wake me. Mattie knocked on the bedroom door eight minutes ago. You’ll get the first plate of French toast because she’s in the bathroom.”
“I usually wake her on my way to get in the shower when I get back. Why did she wake you?”
“I imagine that she didn’t think that you’d have what she needed. I had a couple tucked in my luggage, but she and I will have to go to the store today.” It took until about half of Mac’s words were out for him to realize what she was talking about, and he had a look on his face that men get when the topic of the female cycle comes up. “What’s the matter, Harm? Have you forgotten what it's like to live with a woman?” she teased.
“I don't think a getaway of a week or two can be considered living with one. Jennifer took care of 'girl needs' when Mattie was with me and living next door. Do you want to use the car?”
Mac was amused by his switching subjects method of replying. “No, you use it. We’ll take a taxi. I'll pick up the couple of things on your list from the front of the frig while we’re out, too." She handed him a cup of coffee with a big smile on her face before returning her attention to the French toast in the skillet.
“Does your plan for the day include getting any rest like the doctor suggested?”
“After you've gone to work, I’ll clean up the kitchen and get dressed. We’ll go to the store, and the rest of the day depends on how she feels.” Mac offered him a plate of French toast. “I’d like to talk to her today, but I don’t want to push her. I rested well not sleeping alone last night," she said, her voice sounding almost like a purr. "But I'll take a nap if there's time."
Without enough hands to eat and drink while standing, Harm had to put his coffee cup down on the counter. It had happened several times while Mattie had been here visiting. He missed the counter facing the cook where a person could eat and talk to the cook at the same time. Standing up to eat his breakfast this morning made him make a mental note that any house they bought would have to have a breakfast bar. Harm took the fork from the side of his plate and cut through the corner of one slice of toast. “Did the doctor say anything other than you need some rest?” He put the forkful into his mouth.
“A few things."
"Like..."
"It wasn't a regular doctor. She was a specialist.”
“What kind of specialist and what did she say?” he asked, his voice full of concern.
“After I was shot, the surgeon who removed the bullets said that the endometriosis made it difficult to locate one of them, so he had to remove some of the tissue to find it. He said that he couldn’t be sure because it wasn’t his area of expertise, but that the surgery should have improved my chances of getting pregnant. He said that, after I'd healed completely from the shooting, I should check with my doctor to see if my chances had improved. With the wedding and moving, it took me until now to have time to take care of it.”
“And are they better?” Harm asked with more understanding as to why she hadn't mentioned the appointment to him before now.
“Some, she moved it up to ten percent. She says that I can maximize the chances of becoming pregnant by doing things to take better care of myself like reducing my stress, eating healthier, getting enough sleep...that kind of thing. When she asked if or for how long I'd been trying, I told her about our separate living status and why it was that way. She told me that that didn't have to stop us and she said that when I knew when you were going to be in town next that I should call and make an appointment for her to meet with both of us to discuss options."
They didn’t have a chance to talk about it anymore right then because a voice from the other room halted their conversation. "Harm, I’m out of the bathroom so you can shower.” The voice was moving closer. “Is that Mac’s French toast I smell?” Mattie appeared in the doorway.
Mac answered with a smile, “Yes it is." She then put a couple of slices of French toast on a plate for Mattie.
“It was very good,” Harm said as he moved to put his plate in the sink. While he was doing that, Mac topped off his coffee. He reached for his cup, kissed Mac on the cheek and moved towards the doorway. "I''m headed to the shower."
Harm returned to the kitchen after his shower to find Mac alone and standing at the sink with her back to him. He moved quietly, but she felt his presence and knew that he was there even before his arms snaked around her waist. He nuzzled his face into her hair until he had access to her neck. He placed a delicate kiss just below her ear. She turned in his arms, and they were in a sensual kiss in a second.
"You'd better leave now or you're going to be very late," Mac said after the kiss had come to a natural close.
Her voice was sexy, and he wanted to stay, but he reluctantly pulled away. "I'll see you later."
She walked with him to the door and kissed him on the cheek for fear that a real kiss would only heighten the desire that she was feeling.
With Harm off to work, Mac went back to cleaning up the kitchen. She put some dishes away that were dry and had started to wash another set when she felt eyes on her. She turned to see Mattie, dressed and standing in the doorway. "Do you want something else to eat?" Mac asked.
"No, I came to see if you needed any help."
"You could dry and put away," Mac replied with a smile.
Mattie pulled the drying towel from the holder and went to work alongside Mac. Mac was afraid to break the spirit of cooperation, so they finished the dishes without talking. When the last of the dishes were washed, Mac said, "That's all of them, and, since you're ready to go, I'll leave you to finish while I get ready. Thank you for your help."
Mac returned a little bit later, dressed and ready to go, and they left the apartment on their errand to the store. They didn't converse much. Mattie pointed out a couple of places that she and Harm had visited that they passed in route to the store, but they had no real conversation on the way to or from the store or while they were shopping.
When they arrived back at the apartment, they worked together to unpack their purchases and put them away. Though they hadn't talked much, things had gone pretty well, and Mattie had been helpful this morning, so Mac asked Mattie if she felt up to going out to lunch. Mac thought that things were looking up for them when Mattie accepted her invitation.
During the taxi ride to the restaurant, Mac kept the conversation simple. Mac asked about other places that Mattie had seen and about places that she still wanted to visit. Mattie hit the highlights of the places that she'd seen with Harm's parents and with Harm.
During lunch, they talked about the climate differences between San Diego and London, and other such meaningless drivel. Without the tension of recent months between them, the atmosphere was like those days in the hospital when Mattie always seemed glad to have Mac around to talk to, and lunch was over much too soon to suit Mac.
The taxi ride back to the apartment was quiet because Mac didn't want to spoil the mood, and Mattie was staring out the window, appearing to be deep in thought.
Coming back inside the apartment, the Christmas tree caught Mac's attention. Mac was talking more to herself than to Mattie, but Mattie heard her say, "I need to unpack the presents that I brought and the gift that Harriet gave me, and put them under the tree."
Mattie was sitting on the couch, staring at the Christmas tree when Mac returned from the bedroom, carrying several boxes wrapped in Christmas paper. Mac, trying to keep up the polite chat of the day, asked Mattie if she had all of her Christmas shopping done or if they should plan a day of shopping for tomorrow.
"Mac, do you know what Harm said that he wanted most for Christmas?"
"No, what does he want? We still have time to get it for him."
"I don't think you can buy it. He said that he wants a family Christmas. Do you know what he means?"
"I think I do." Mac sat down next to Mattie on the couch. "He wants us each to share a family memory or tradition and blend them together this year to start our own tradition, but most of all he wants the three of us to be together and to appreciate the fact that our family is able to be together for Christmas."
"He usually goes to The Wall, but he can't do that this year," Mattie sadly stated.
Mac felt a little twinge of guilt because she knew that he hadn't gone last year either since he'd spent the night with her in a hospital. "It won't be the same, but we might be able to do something about that."
That had Mattie's interest, and the two ladies hatched a plan. Mac made a call to have the plan executed. The arrangements didn't take long, so they still had time before Harm was scheduled to be home. Mac didn't want to spoil the mood of the day, but she wanted to know if Mattie had a special memory or Christmas tradition that could be incorporated into this Christmas. "Mattie, is there something special that your family did at Christmas or something you always wished that your family did?"
Mattie became somber as she replied to Mac's question. "It's stupid."
Mac pushed until she got Mattie to spit it out. "My mom and I would make cookies on Christmas Eve before I went to bed." Mattie's voice cracked from emotion. "We'd leave three cookies out, one from each of us for Santa. Even when I knew that Santa wasn't real, we still baked cookies and left them for him. I would go to sleep on Christmas Eve with the house smelling like fresh baked cookies." Mattie paused for a few seconds. "See, I told you it was silly."
Mac's childhood, even at the holidays, held no fond memories, so Mac was a little envious. "It isn't silly." Mattie's mother had left Mattie with memories of happier times that would serve to comfort her as she grew older. Mac's voice was laced with the sympathy that she felt for Mattie's pain at the loss of her mother. "What kind of cookies?"
"My mother liked those family magazines by the checkout at the grocery store. She'd make one batch of a new cookie from a recipe that she'd gotten out of one of them first and then a batch of chocolate chip cookies because they're my favorite."
"Mattie, if or when you're ready, I'd be honored if you'd let me bake cookies with you."
That's when the dam on Mattie's emotions broke. Mattie's tone was angry and she was screaming. "Why? Why would you want to bake cookies with me? You don't care about me. You wanted Harm, and you had to take me to get him." Tears were streaming down Mattie's face as she fled from the living room.
Mattie's outburst was so loud that they didn't hear Harm enter the apartment. He hadn't heard any of the rest of the conversation, only Mattie's rantings.
Mac sat stunned on the couch and came out of her trance only when she felt a hand come to rest on her shoulder from behind. "I'll go talk to her," Harm said with his hand resting on her shoulder in an effort to comfort her.
Mac sat up straight and placed her hand over his, patting it as she spoke. "No, it's time that she and I talked. If she isn't ready, she'll just have to listen." Mac rose from the couch and headed to Mattie's room.
Harm knew that this 'talk' needed to happen and, with concern that Christmas would be ruined for everyone, he watched Mac leave the room. Once out of his sight, Harm decided that he should take a more strategic position and moved into the hall in time to see Mac knock on the Mattie's bedroom door while opening it. Harm moved closer. Mac had left the door ajar, and he moved close enough to hear without being seen.
Mattie was on her bed, lying on her stomach with her face buried in the pillow. "Mattie," Mac began. "I was trying to find a tradition that you'd want to incorporate into our family Christmas. I know that you may not be ready to share memories of your mother and I understand, but you need to know that, when you are ready, I'm here. I know that you may never be ready to bake cookies with anyone else, but I'd be honored to bake them with you if you ever want to." Mac paused, wondering if Mattie was listening. "I didn't want to upset you and I'm sorry that I did."
Mac needed to get it all out while she had the thoughts formed in her head. "Mattie, we agreed last week on the phone that we needed to talk. We were having such a wonderful day that I hoped that we could talk today about this. I know that you're upset right now and not in the mood to talk, but I need you to listen." Mac sat on the edge of the bed and stroked Mattie's hair. "I don't know where you got the idea that I don't want you, but that isn't true. I have no proof to offer you other than to say that I do want you, that I consider you as much my daughter as Harm's and that I love you - all I can give you is my word that it's true."
Mattie rolled over to look at Mac. "Why did that Chloe girl get to sit next to you at the rehearsal dinner then?"
"Chloe had flown in for the wedding, and I hadn't seen her in awhile. I wanted Chloe to know that she was important to me, and it was important to me that she'd come. I never dreamed t