Temporary Assigned Duty

Written By: Fananic Fan
Disclaimer: JAG and its characters are the property of Belisarius Productions, CBS and Paramount. No copyright infringement intended.
SYN: This is the sequel to Fate Decides Our Future. This story finds Mac not sleeping, she knows something is eating at her, but her life is good, so why? A sudden assignment outside of Washington reveals Mac's buried fear.
AN: This story is a little longer that the first one. This first chapter is a little boring, but I thought it was necessary. Most of the chapters are shorter than in the last story. I hope this makes for an easier read.
For those who asked why Mac got uncomfortable when Harm talked about rings...it's answered here.

UPDATE: I have not changed the direction of the story from the originally posted story; however, a very big ‘thank you’ goes out to Lee for enhancing the story with a word or line change here and there that made the story flow much better and made it easier to follow.

And a big ‘THANK YOU’ to Cece for archiving my story.

***************************************************************************************************************************

Story Two
Temporary Assigned Duty

CHAPTER ONE – Time Marches On

WEEK ONE

4 April – 10 April, 2005

Harm had a better understanding of how General Cresswell must have felt taking over at HQ by the end of his first week. The view was very different from the CO’s chair versus the staff side of the desk. He worked late every night and even took files back to his quarters to review. He found a communication center sponsored by the USO where you could send emails, but during this first week, he found that the hours of the center weren't compatible with his schedule. He’d arrive at the office before anyone else and send both Mattie and Mac an email. Most days, before leaving the office for the day, he was able to send another email to each of them as well.

On Saturday morning, as soon as Harm was sure that he wouldn’t be waking either of them, he placed his first call. He dialed Mattie first and found that Mac was visiting, so he talked to one, then the other. The phone call didn’t last nearly long enough, and he missed them even more after the call ended.

Mattie got a visit from Mac on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. Harm had taken Mac to the hospital with him recently, and Mattie had noticed that they’d been relaxed around each other, like good friends, but they hadn’t seemed to be anything more. Mattie knew that Harm loved Mac, but never having seen them together socially, it now seemed strange that they were engaged. Mattie knew that she needed to get to know Mac better.

Jennifer visited on Wednesday evening. Since Joint Legal Forces, Southwest was nixed, at least temporarily, Petty Officer Coates was still stationed here as well as any other personnel who’d had hopes of going to the sand and surf of San Diego. After Jennifer left, Mattie realized that she’d asked a lot of questions about Mac.

Mac filled her days with work and getting to know Mattie. At work, Mac concentrated on the one good and four “dog” cases that Harm had left behind. She’d ended up with them after the reshuffling of case loads on Monday, due to the JLS office being put on hold. Her work didn’t keep her busy long. Two of the ‘dogs’ were over by way of a deal on Wednesday, and the good case was over on Thursday when the accused hung himself, leaving a note in which he confessed to everything in detail.

Mac visited Mattie on Tuesday, Thursday and again on Saturday. She left each visit feeling that Mattie had about ten thousand questions, but asked none. Mac didn’t ask anything during the visits because she didn’t want to upset Mattie, perhaps causing a set back in her recovery. An email routine had been established easily by the end of the first week, and Mac had written Harm after her visit on Thursday evening. Harm’s response was simple: Mattie we’ll ask when she’s ready to talk, and when she asks, be honest with her. She’s like you in that way.

Mac found that she could sleep only a couple of hours per night. She assumed that the excitement of getting engaged and the internal pressure that she felt to get to know Mattie better were the reasons.


WEEK TWO

11 April – 17 April, 2005

Harm left the office for lunch on Tuesday on a mission. He was headed to the housing office. The personnel at housing were helpful, sort of. They politely explained the policy, and he found it ironic that legal technicalities were causing the problem. In a nutshell, he didn’t have legal custody - temporary or permanent - of the child that he claimed to need housing for and he wasn’t married - even if not married yet was a better description - so, according to the rules, he had no reason to be on the housing list. Once he had custody or was married, there would be no problem getting him on the waiting list so that his six-month wait could begin. This didn’t help because the family court wanted proof that he’d secured proper living quarters before proceeding in the matter of custody. The housing office did provide him with a map of the London area and a few names that might have something available.

Mattie got two emails a day from Harm. Mac visited Tuesday, Jennifer on Wednesday, and Mac again on Thursday. Mac spent most of Saturday with her. Mattie was glad to find out that, even though Mac was a Marine, she liked normal ‘girl things.’ Mattie was still making progress, but results weren’t as visible, and it was starting to frustrate her. Her mood was a perfectly natural reaction to all that she’d been through of late, but Mac was concerned.

Mac had two cases left of the ones that had been Harm's. On Tuesday morning, she’d gotten the charges dismissed at a preliminary hearing due to lack of evidence on one case. Before she left the office Wednesday afternoon, all parties had reached an agreement in the second case, and she’d be able to fill out the reports on that case tomorrow and have nothing left on her desk except the boring paperwork that General Cresswell had given her on Wednesday morning. The general had given her some small cases involving potential third party involvement in some insurance claims. The letters were standard on the insurance stuff, so she wished that he’d given the job to Vuckovic and given her a case that would keep her busy.

Mattie began to ask Mac questions starting with Tuesday’s visit. The questions that she'd asked so far had been easy to answer. Did she like being a Marine? What kind of movies did she like? What kind of music did she like? Mac was relieved by Mattie’s initial questions because they were easy to answer. Mac knew that Mattie was just getting warmed up and that tougher questions would come. Mac knew that the questions about Harm, about her, or about her and Harm were coming and that she should start preparing. When they got Harm’s call on this Saturday, she wasn’t sure who was happier to hear his voice, Mattie or herself.

Mac was so tired that she began skipping dinner, opting to try to get to sleep early in an effort to get a few extra minutes in, but without success. Her sleep pattern continued. She never got more than three to four hours per night. On good nights, she’d get them consecutively, but most nights, it was ten minutes here, thirty minutes there.

CHAPTER TWO – Duty Calls

Harm’s requested staff had begun to arrive at the end of last week. He was confident that, once his hand-selected staff had arrived, his life around the office would be easier. Since Bud had turned him down, filling the XO position had been tough, but he’d chosen one, and she arrived on Tuesday. The housing search hadn’t gone well over the weekend, so he hoped to focus on that once his staff had settled in. He found that his daily emails from Mac and Mattie never failed to bring a smile to his face; just knowing that they were okay made him feel better. The emails sounded as if he had nothing to worry about as far as Mac and Mattie getting along.

Mac was working on mindless reports and seemingly meaningless tasks for the general instead of casework. Harm’s emails were bright spots in her days. Her visits with Mattie were therapeutic because they'd talk about Harm, each understanding the emptiness that the other felt from his absence.

Mattie’s physical therapy was going well, but the staff could tell that the tall sailor’s absence was starting to affect her. Tuesday, Mattie had a particularly hard time with physical therapy and was upset when Mac came by. Mac decided that only one person could help. She excused herself and went into the hall.

Mac reentered the room moments later, offering Mattie her cell phone. Mattie put the phone to her ear and said hello. Her greeting was met with Harm’s voice. “Hello to you, too. I hear that you had a bad day. Tell me about it.” Mattie filled in Harm on why her therapy had been hard, and Harm gave her a pep talk. Harm told Mattie that he’d call on Saturday to check on her before they said their goodbyes and ended the call.

After the call, Mattie’s spirits seemed to be restored, and she asked new questions. “Do you know what kind of wedding you want? You know, big and fancy, small and simple.”

“I haven’t really thought much about it.”

“Have you changed your mind about marrying Harm?”

Mac was surprised by the directness of the question and even more surprised that a denial didn’t immediately roll off her tongue. She was searching her thoughts to form an answer when her phone rang.

After ending her call with General Cresswell, Mac recited the brief amount of information that she’d been given: she was leaving for somewhere after a meeting with the general. Mattie asked if she’d be able to call. Mac explained that, depending on where the assignment was, it might not be possible for her to call, but she’d call if and when she could.

Mac hadn’t done it before today, but she gave Mattie a hug before leaving. For Mattie, the hug seemed strange, but at the same time, comforting, and she welcomed it. For Mac, the hug seemed natural, so natural in fact that Mac hadn’t even realized that she’d done it until she was on her way to meet the general.

The meeting with the general was short and yielded minimal new information. The general had been ordered by the SecNav to send her on this assignment. It was scheduled to be for two weeks, and she knew where she was going and where she’d be reporting when the general handed the travel orders to her.

Petty Officer Coates had been called and would meet Mac at her home where Mac would pick up her gear for immediate departure, and the petty officer would then drive Mac to the airport.

CHAPTER THREE – The Flight

While waiting for her flight to board, Mac wondered why she’d had to search for an answer to Mattie’s question. Had she changed her mind? She’d finally heard the words 'I love you' from the man with whom she’d been in love longer than she cared to admit. Why wouldn't she want to marry him? Had she just agreed because he’d asked? Is that why, when he'd mentioned rings, she'd felt uncomfortable?

Mac located her seat and secured her bag, then sat and she clicked the seatbelt into place. Given her destination, she breathed a sigh of relief that there hadn’t been time to call Mattie with an update. Mac had had no idea what she should tell Mattie and had decided that she’d seek Harm’s advice before talking to Mattie again.

As the plane taxied down the runway, Mac noted how quiet it was. She didn’t think that she’d ever been on a flight that was so quiet. The stillness didn't allow her to mask the feelings of nervousness and uneasiness that she felt. She’d been aware of the uneasy feeling for several weeks, but the nervous feeling was new. Mac didn’t hear the flight attendant’s safety speech because her mind had begun to wander.

************

This assignment had come out of the blue and with very little information, reminding her too much of missions that Clayton Webb had gotten her and Harm involved in without getting or giving all the facts first. The SecNav ordering the general to send her, added to her covert theory. Was she nervous that she'd see Webb again? Even though she and Harm had finally come together, she and Clay did have unfinished business. Was facing that unfinished business or Webb making her nervous? That was a working theory for the nervousness, but it didn’t explain the uneasiness that she'd felt when Harm had asked her about a ring or when he'd emailed her about places to live...or Mattie’s question earlier.

*************

Now that her flight was in the air, she pulled a book from her carry on bag. She looked at the book’s cover. She needed to quit reading spy novels. She needed to start reading murder mysteries or romance novels. She shook off the notion that the CIA was involved in her current assignment and opened her book to the marked page, but instead of reading, her mind struggled to resolve her internal conflict.

*************

A few weeks ago, her life had been settled. She wasn’t happy, but content to take her life in whatever direction was shown her. She remembered staring at her orders, pleased at the recognition and opportunity. When Harm had mentioned the flight time between Washington and San Diego, she'd felt sure that they’d keep in touch and that he was supporting her. Then, the other shoe had dropped; Harm was being reassigned, too. They were being separated and, to make matters worse, they only had three days left in the same country. She didn’t like the thought of leaving, but maybe it was time, a chance for a clean start. She’d avoided saying goodbye to him, which had led her to go to his apartment. They'd needed to clear the air between them. Despite her occasional ‘visions,’ she hadn’t seen the twist that fate had in store for her at his place. That night was probably the best night of her life. He wanted to get married and he’d said that he loved her. Reflecting back on that night, she felt the happiness that she’d felt that evening. However, she was also reminded of the doubts that filled her, doubts that she didn’t understand. She’d been in love with him for so long and, now that they were a couple, she felt uneasy in discussing ‘them.’ The most recent example of this uneasiness had been an email about his fruitless trip to the Housing Office. His news that a weekend search for housing had produced no results, had given her a sense of relief. Why?

*************

Mac realized that she wasn’t reading and opted to put the book away. After slipping the book back into her bag, she looked out the window. The sky was clear, and they were flying above small patches of fluffy white clouds. She stared out into the night sky. Flying above the clouds reminded her of her sailor, and the thought of him warmed her heart. She closed her eyes, but it wouldn't be a restful nap that she’d drift into.

Mac would be brought out of her restless nap by the captain’s voice announcing that it was time to prepare for arrival.

Her internal clock had noted that she’d napped for three hours and seven minutes. Unlike her periods of slumber over the past weeks, she'd awakened knowing that she’d been reflecting on part of her life. She was sure that her mind was trying to wrap itself around the cause of her nervous and uneasy feelings. She wished that she could remember more, hoping that the answers were hidden in her dreams. As she unbuckled her seat belt and reached for her carry on bag, she was filled with fear that the only person who could help her was Harm, and he was the last person to whom she wanted to confide her doubts.

There was no more time to consider her personal crisis when she entered the airport, because she could see a young corporal in his crisp Marine uniform, standing there waiting for her.

CHAPTER FOUR – Briefings and Meetings

Her briefing with Colonel Bridges didn’t last long. He informed her of the detected terrorist activity around the city and about the rumor that the US ambassador was one of their targets. Colonel Bridges’ job, now hers for the next two weeks, was to be present at meetings with various political figures and to listen and observe. Each of the attending dignitaries would bring a translator whom they trusted. However, the US wanted someone to listen to all parties to see if the translators were translating what was said and vice a versa. A list of the dignitaries, meeting dates and times was given to Mac. She was about to comment on the fact that no meetings were listed for this Friday, but Colonel Bridges answered before she asked.

“You’ll notice that there are no meetings on Friday. Unless something arises, you can take that day off. Use the day to sight see or shop for a dress. There’s a party here next Friday evening.” Colonel Bridges reached for a piece of luggage on the floor and concluded the briefing with, “Details about day to day operations or the party Friday, you can ask Major Johnson. He’s a good right hand man and an excellent Marine. Major Johnson pretty much runs the show around here. I’m just in charge. Hell, if he spoke anything other than English, he’d probably have my job, so any questions, just ask the major. I know that I’ve run through things quickly, but you weren't promoted to lieutenant colonel by being spoon-fed, and I was told that you could run with the ball. Someone has high regard for your abilities. I don’t have time for anything else. My flight home leaves in less than three hours…emergency leave, my mother is ill, and I don’t intend to miss my flight.”

“Understood, Colonel”

The colonel was already to his office door. “The corporal will show you to your quarters so you can freshen up or get a couple of hours of shut eye while your Embassy identification badge and card are prepared.”

The colonel opened the door, and the corporal, in his crisp uniform, appeared as if on cue. “I’m taking Colonel Bridges to the airport, ma’am, so if you don’t mind, we need to hurry. If you’ll follow me, ma’am.” The corporal started moving out of the office and down a corridor. “You’ve been assigned to quarters here in the Embassy, ma’am,” he said with a faint hint of surprise.

“Is that unusual, Corporal?”

“I’m not sure, ma’am. I know that you’re the only Marine that I’ve ever shown to quarters here. Usually, visiting politicians, like Senators, Congressman or ambassadors stay inside the Embassy, but I’ve been stationed here for only a month, ma’am, so maybe it isn’t unusual. It's just the first time that I’ve seen it, ma’am.”

Mac nodded in understanding before the corporal spoke again, sounding apologetic because he already liked the temporary replacement. “Ma’am, you’ll be restricted to quarters until you have proper credentials. Upon my return, I’ll make sure that you’ve received your ID’s and take you to meet with Major Johnson. Major Johnson said that he’d send for you if he needs you before I return. Do you have any questions, ma’am?”

They'd made several turns and had gone down several halls before climbing two flights of stairs and reaching a large, heavy wooden door. The corporal pulled a key from his pocket and unlocked the door.

“Don’t let the dungeon looking door fool you, ma’am. The room's nice. I've already brought your bag up, ma’am.” He pushed the door open, and Mac’s eyes fell on a beautiful room.

Mac followed appropriate military protocol and dismissed the corporal to take Colonel Bridges to the airport.

Mac was tired, but she was drawn to check on one thing before she could take a nap. Yes, the room was perfect. It had a bathtub. She unpacked her uniforms to prevent wrinkling and tried to take a nap, but the bathtub called to her. She hadn’t had a bath since moving into Harm’s ‘shower only’ apartment, and she missed being able to take a bath. She soaked in the warm water, thinking that, on Friday, she’d pick up some bubble bath or oil and enjoy this tub a few more times before going back to showers only. The thought of showers only not being so bad if she wasn’t showering alone, caused a grin to spread across her face. Showering with Harm wouldn’t be bad.

After her bath, she did try to sleep, but to no avail. Her bath had relaxed her, but it had also brought up the burning question: why did she feel so uneasy about life with Harm when it was so easy to picture being in the shower with him? Her emotions simply made no sense to her, so how could she explain them to anyone, especially Harm? Another feeling gnawing at her insides was about this assignment. It seemed simple and safe, but she couldn’t shake the feeling of danger that she felt.

She gave up on actually getting any sleep and got up. She was dressed and ready when she heard a knock. She opened the door to see the Marine corporal whom she’d met earlier, standing there.

“If you’re ready, ma’am, we’ll pick up your Embassy ID before you meet with Major Johnson.”

“Lead the way, Corporal.”

“Yes ma’am.”

They came down the stairs and through a narrow hallway that they hadn't been in before. They stopped at a yellow door, and the corporal knocked. Someone opened the door from the inside and granted them entry. Inside the small room, Mac was given an ID badge and a map. When she looked at the map, the older woman must have seen something in Mac’s facial expression because the woman spoke in a hateful tone. “Yes, the Embassy is larger. We give you a map that includes the places that you need to know about. For you, that page is the entire Embassy. You may roam the grounds, which include a lovely garden and a chapel, any time between sun up and sun down. Any questions?”

“No, Ma’am,” Mac replied.

They went back out the way they’d come in. The corporal felt the need to explain the behavior of the older woman. “Ma’am, please forgive Mrs. Burns. She’s worked in this embassy for thirty years. She lost her husband of thirty-five years to cancer about three months ago and her bubbly personality along with him. They’ve tried to get her to retire, but she says that, without him, she needs something to do or she’d have to live with cats, and she hates cats.” Both the corporal and Mac laughed at the woman’s reasoning.

They finally arrived at Major Johnson’s office. The corporal knocked and announced their arrival. The corporal was dismissed and the meeting began.

Mac was given an overview of the day to day operations of the Marines present. Since she’d be in meetings most of the time, it was reasonable that the major continue to run things the way he had been for Colonel Bridges. Mac had no reason to want to rock the boat with Major Johnson. In the limited time that she met with him, she could tell that he was the kind who thought that women might be in uniform, but that they didn’t have ‘the stuff’ to be leaders. At one point, she thought that she’d demonstrate her superior rank by ordering him to her office, but her instincts said that she should go along with the established program, at least for now.

Again, young Corporal Jennings arrived on cue at the conclusion of her meeting. “I’ll show you to your office, ma’am.”

“Lead the way, Corporal.” Mac wasn’t sure why, but she was developing a soft spot for Corporal Jennings. As she entered Colonel Bridges and now her office, it dawned on her why. The corporal reminded her of a young Bud Roberts with a bit of…who was that corporal on that TV show about military doctors during the Korean War who'd come in before called and get things for the CO before he was asked?

They stopped momentarily at the reception area where a tall attractive blonde woman in her late twenties sat behind a desk. She was Colonel Bridges secretary, but hadn’t arrived for the day yet when Mac had met with the colonel earlier that day. When the woman stood to shake Mac’s hand, Mac noticed the women’s figure. She was Mac’s height, but looked too thin. A man would notice that she didn’t have Mac’s curves either. Corporal Jennings introduced Mac to Lorna Appleton. After the brief introduction, Mac and the corporal entered the space that was to be her office.

Mac seated herself behind the desk, and the corporal handed her what appeared to be a handful of laminated pieces of paper. “If you have time, ma’am, I’ll explain which card or ID to use when, ma’am.”

The corporal began to explain the badges in his hands. “This one should be attached to your person.” He pointed to his. “And worn at all times while inside the working section of the Embassy.” Mac used the attached clip to attach it to her uniform while the Corporal continued, “This card is the one that you’ll show if you’re stopped by a patrol in the living quarters. It has your room information on it.”

The corporal was enthusiastic about security, but Mac interrupted the young man. “I’m sorry, Corporal. I know that all of this is very important, but I haven’t eaten since last night, Washington time. Do I have a badge, card, something that could get me out of the Embassy for lunch?”

“Oh, yes, ma’am. I’m sorry, ma’am. I should have made arrangements for you to get breakfast while I was out.” He shuffled the badges until the right one appeared. “This one, ma’am, is the one that you’ll have to show to get back in the gates. No badge is required to leave the premises, ma’am.”

“Thank you, Corporal.”

“Ma’am, there are several cafes within walking distance, but it’s recommended that you don’t wear your uniform outside the compound, ma’am.”

“I’ll tell you what, Corporal. There must be some way to get a snack or some junk food for now. After a snack, I’ll get some work done and go out for a big dinner. Corporal, what time does Major Johnson secure?”

“Major Johnson usually secures at 1630, ma’am. Sometimes he’ll secure earlier if Colonel Bridges leaves early, because he’s found someone to play golf with him.”

Mac was right. Once she’d gotten something in her stomach, she was able to focus. She skimmed through the files and checked the list that Colonel Bridges had given her. The meeting tomorrow was with a Prime Minister from an African country that, Mac was ashamed to admit, she hadn’t heard of. The Prime Minister spoke English, and no translators would be present. She'd be an observer, and her uniform was proper attire. She took a break from reading the statistics on the country: what they imported and exported how much rain they got in an average year, etc, to rest her eyes, and decided that it was time to make a call.

Mac reached for her cell phone and remembered that its use was prohibited in the working areas of the Embassy. Mac buzzed Ms. Appleton and said that she wanted to make arrangements for dinner. Lorna said that she’d be happy to make any arrangements. Mac said that she’d prefer to make the arrangements herself. Mac asked if there were any dialing instructions, such as dialing nine before the number, and Lorna instructed her on telephone procedures.

CHAPTER FIVE – The Call

Mac dialed carefully, and then sat back in the chair. A playful smile graced her face.

Petty Officer William (Will) Banks buzzed Captain Rabb and announced a call from a Lt. Colonel MacKenzie.

A grin spread across Harm’s face. He’d talked to her only yesterday and now she was calling him again. Then concerned washed over him and his smile faded. Mac might be calling about Mattie. He placed the receiver to his ear and pushed the flashing button on the desk phone.

“Hello, Colonel. I hope this call isn’t bad news.”

“I don’t think it’s bad.”

“So everything with Mattie is okay?”

Mac realized what he must be thinking and decided that she shouldn’t drag this call out for her amusement. “When I left yesterday, she was in good spirits. I’m not sure how she’s doing at the moment. That’s one of the reasons for my call. I want your advice on how or even if I should tell her where I am.”

Now he was concerned about Mac. Where had they sent her? He knew that she was a good Marine, but even the good ones can get killed. He managed to maintain a calm voice. “You said one of the reasons why you called. There’s another reason?”

“The other reason why I called was to see if you could give me the advice that I need over dinner.”

“I’d love to give you advice over dinner, but isn’t that impossible if you’re…Where are you, Mac?”

“I’m at a US Embassy...in a country you may have heard of, the United Kingdom, or some prefer to call it England.” He could hear the ‘gotcha’ tone in her voice.

Harm had to take in a deep breath to keep playing it cool. “Yes, I have heard of the place. This embassy wouldn’t be in a city called London now, would it?”

“Yes, Captain, I believe it is.” She stifled back a giggle.

They made plans to meet at a restaurant that Harm had stumbled across this past weekend while looking for housing. Mac thought that she should be able to secure by 1730, and agreed to meet Harm at 1830.

Mac continued to read files and hoped that she’d remember at least half of what she read. Major Johnson came to Mac’s office to give her the daily reports at 1600. Their conversation was brief.

Lorna had knocked on the colonel’s door twice previously, once to ask the colonel if it was okay for her to take lunch, and the other to ask if she could go to tea as she usually did. Lorna knocked on Mac’s door for the third time at 1645. “I usually leave at five, Colonel, unless you need something else.”

“No, Ms. Appleton. I think we’re done for the day.” Mac started closing file folders on her desk. “If you’d be so kind as to wait a couple of minutes, though, it might be easier for you to point me down the correct hallway than for me to try to read a map on top of my other reading today.”

“Yes ma’am. I can wait, and please call me Lorna.”

Mac opened her office door six minutes and forty-two seconds later, closing it and checking to make sure that it was locked. “Lorna thanks for waiting. I’m ready.”

“Yes ma’am.”

Mac decided that there was no reason for a quiet walk. “I understand that I have a party to attend. Any suggestions on where I might get a dress?”

The two women walked while Lorna gushed about where to shop for dresses and shoes. They arrived at a large open area, a foyer of some sort. Lorna told Mac to follow the hall straight across from them and that it would take her to the living quarters. Mac checked to make sure that she had her ID badges in an easy to reach place before saying goodnight. Mac crossed the foyer and was about to enter the hall when she heard Corporal Jennings speak.

“Colonel MacKenzie, would you like me to show you the way to your quarters, ma’am?”

“No, Corporal. I’m going to try to manage, but thank you for the offer.”

The young man looked wounded, but before Mac could think better of it, more words came out of her mouth. “You could, however, tell me the easiest way to get a taxi. I’m going to dinner and I’m too jet lagged to walk this evening.”

The bright, ready to serve smile returned to the young man’s face. “What time would you like to depart, ma’am? I’ll call for a taxi.”

“That would be wonderful, Corporal, thank you. At 1800, if that gives you sufficient time.”

“Yes ma’am.”

The corporal was gone like a rocket, and Mac found her way to her room and was changed and back to meet the corporal on time.

Unable to stop pacing his quarters, Harm left for the restaurant, arriving at 1800. He was seated at a table and had ordered a drink while he waited. He took a couple of sips of the Bourbon that he’d ordered shortly after his arrival to calm his nerves. Why was he nervous? He’d had dinner with Mac a lot of times. He grinned. He’d had dinner with Mac, but not with his future bride. He was staring off into space wondering why and for how long Mac was going to be in London and if tonight would be the only night that he got to see her.

CHAPTER SIX – Dinner

His “Mac sense” alerted him that she was near. He looked towards the door and saw her walking towards him. Their eyes met, and they smiled warmly at each other. The urge to run into the other’s arms was held easily in check because of their years of practice, but eye contact wasn’t broken. She reached the table as he stood. The same “hey” and quick brushing of lips that they’d greeted each other with at McMurphy’s was the same way that they greeted each other tonight.

The waiter arrived, left menus and disappeared to get Mac’s drink order. As she scanned the menu, his eyes could focus on nothing but her. He knew that he’d missed her, but this was ridiculous.

Once the waiter had taken their order and whisked away the menus, Harm looked into her eyes. “Do you want advice now or later?”

“Now is fine. I told Mattie that I’d call if I could, but that was before I knew that I was coming here. She’s struggling enough. I don’t know what damage might be caused to her recovery if she finds out that I was able to see you when she can’t.”

“I guess my advice depends partly on if you’re doing something classified or not.”

“What I’m doing is, but too many people know where I am for my location to be classified.”

Harm agreed that it was a sticky situation, but a call to Mattie to say that she’d arrived safely would be in order. If Mattie asked where she was, then she should tell her. If she didn’t ask, it might be better not to tell her until she got back and could gauge what affect the news had on Mattie face-to-face. Harm’s final input, “You should be truthful with her, even if that means that you tell her that you can’t tell her.”

The waiter arrived with something delicious smelling and placed it in front Harm, but he didn’t want to take his eyes off of Mac. He forced himself to look down at his plate and pick up his fork. When the first forkful neared his mouth, he realized that he was staring at her again. He was acting like a smitten schoolboy.

The waiter would come by to pick up dishes from one course and be back within seconds to bring the next. During dinner, Mac asked him about work, and he asked if she’d heard anything about the Joint Legal Services project.

The table was cleared of the last course’s plates. If what she was doing was classified, he needed to seek information without being too direct. Harm spoke, and recognized that his phrasing and tone was more that of a lawyer than a boyfriend. “If you’re going to be in town long enough, you could come by to check out my office. I’d even be willing to buy you lunch.”

Mac played coy. “Are you suggesting a date, sir?” Her voice had a playful lilt.

Harm heard the playfulness and tried to match it in his reply. “Yes, ma’am, I believe I am.”

“I’m off on Friday. Will you be able to get away for lunch?”

“I’ll get away.”

She smiled at him in anticipation. “Then it’s a date. If I come by around noon, is that good?”

“Noon is good.” He paused. “Is your schedule full or do you have some time before Friday?”

Mac giggled, and he looked at her. He didn’t understand why wanting to see her was so funny. “Are you trying to speed date?” He looked puzzled, so she elaborated. “This dinner makes two dates that we’ve ever had, and now you want to squeeze in one tomorrow before our lunch on Friday.”

She was messing with him, and he knew it, but he had to try to defend himself. “We’ve had dinner more than twice before, Mac.”

“I didn’t say two dinners. I said two dates, tonight and the date in Sydney. Any other dinners we were working…can’t count as a date. Of course, the one in Sydney probably shouldn’t count either. We did go to a crime scene and act out the crime scenario.” She paused and watched him squirm for a few moments. “After consideration, I’ll allow it to be called a date. It wasn't our case. It was yours. I was on leave so I’ll let you have that one, but I don’t have to say that it was a good date.”

“Oh, I see.” Harm raised an eyebrow. “I have to know then, Ms. MacKenzie, what makes a good date? And I would pose the question, is the first date ever really a good one? Since first dates are usually awkward, they aren’t really known for standing out in one’s mind as a good date, are they?”

“Well, Mr. Rabb, I didn’t say that the date didn’t stand out in my mind. I mean crime reenactment and you turning me down cold certainly made it stand out in my mind.”

“Wait a minute. I didn’t turn you down cold. I said not yet.”

“Please explain the difference.”

“Turning you down cold would mean that I hadn’t thought about it, that I didn’t want anything to happen. I said not yet meaning that I’d thought about it, but didn’t think that the timing was right. Your defense to which was 'we weren’t in Washington any more, we weren’t even on the same continent'. That said to me that you hadn’t thought it through. We weren’t in Washington, but we’d both be going back there, and I didn’t want anything to happen in Sydney that we couldn’t keep up when we got back.”

Her stomach had butterflies. “You’d thought about us back then?”

He looked her in the eye, hoping to clear up any misunderstanding created on the Ferry that night. She didn’t really think that he wasn’t interested in her, did she? “Yes, I’d thought about it. I wasn’t turning you down. I was trying to give you time to be sure. I guess I know why you went to Mic so fast now. You thought that he was the only one who wanted you. That’s not what I meant at all.”

He looked hurt. Mac hadn’t wanted to upset him or make him feel bad. She hadn’t thought about that night in Sydney Harbor and the hurt associated with it in a long time. She didn’t know why she’d allowed herself to bring up the subject now, and she quickly became lost in thought.

He watched her; unsure of what was going on inside that pretty head of hers. “I guess we’ve established that I’m a lousy first date and that I don’t always make myself clear, at least with you. I’m not sure with the way the night's going so far that you’re going to think that I’m much of a second date either.”

She flashed him a reassuring smile. “Then I guess our next date is really going to be something. I don’t know what time I’ll be able to get away tomorrow, but I’ll call if I can make dinner.”

The waiter appeared with the check, and Harm paid it promptly before they moved to the sidewalk in front of the restaurant. They made quite a nice looking pair standing together. He’d worn slacks with a casual shirt and sport jacket, and she'd mimicked his look with slacks, a tank top, and tailored jacket. Once outside, Mac took in a few deep breaths of the fresh air before pulling out her cell phone. She knew that it wouldn’t help Mattie, but it would help her to have Harm near when she called.

Harm could hear Mac’s side of the call. “Hi, Mattie”…“I made it safe and sound.”…“I’m working on a project that I can’t tell you about.”… “Yeah, I’m in someplace pretty safe.”…“I should be back soon, about two weeks.”… “Yeah, I'd better go.”…“Bye”

Mac handled the call like a pro. Out in the brighter light of street lamps as opposed to the softer light of the restaurant, Harm could see how tired Mac looked, so he suggested a taxi back to the Embassy. He’d expected an argument because the Embassy and the restaurant were really only walking distance apart, but she didn’t offer a protest.

In the taxi, they sat spaced apart, but when he reached for her hand, she didn’t pull away. The ride wasn’t long, enabling her to resist the impulse to lay her head on his shoulder. The taxi pulled up in front of the Embassy. Harm started to exit the taxi, but Mac gripped his hand tightly. “You don’t have to get out. You can see the gate from here.” She smiled at him.

He smiled back. “I’m looking forward to seeing you again.”

The taxi driver opened her door, and she released his hand, climbing out of the taxi too quickly for him to kiss her. Mac disappeared behind the gates, and he chuckled to himself as the taxi pulled away from the curb. If this was only a second date, maybe a kiss wasn’t the gentlemanly thing to do.

Harm lay in bed for several hours without falling to sleep, thinking about this dating thing that Mac had brought up. Because they’d gotten caught up in the discussion about Sydney, he’d never gotten his answer about what she thought was a good first date. He thought surely in nine years they’d had more than two dates. He’d think of something, but have to dismiss it. For instance: he’d taken her flying once. He dismissed that one. Even if he got her to allow it to be called a date, it wouldn’t be any better of a memory - getting shot in the leg by poachers - than the one she counted as their first date. He came up with times when they’d done something, like going to see Mattie together, but he had to agree that none of them could really be called dates. He drifted to sleep without ever coming up with any ‘real dates’ of which to remind her.

Mac fell asleep, thinking about their discussion of Sydney Harbor. She woke after less than three hours of sleep, feeling some better knowing that Harm had wanted her that night in Sydney.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Mac called late in the afternoon and asked Harm to meet her at the same place for dinner. She was seated when he arrived, though not at the table given them last night. The change in table location lit her face differently than last night, and he could tell that she’d tried to conceal the dark circles under her eyes with makeup. She was surprised when he kissed her on the cheek instead of the lips like last night in greeting.

Dinner conversation revolved around his search for housing. He talked about his unsuccessful search last weekend, describing one place as the illusion house. He said that the entry door was fine, but once inside, he had to duck or he’d hit his head on every doorway in the place.

She laughed and asked how many times he'd forgotten to duck before he was able to get out of the place. Oh, her laugh, her smile, how he’d miss them.

Then he sprang news on her that she wasn’t ready for, and that uneasy feeling flowed through her as he spoke. He described three apartments that he’d scheduled them to see tomorrow when they went to lunch. He repeated to her the brief descriptions given to him about each place and added that he hoped that they’d find one that they liked while she was here.

Harm wasn’t surprised when Mac hardly ate anything. She cut the evening short by saying that she was tired and wanted to go back to the Embassy. He couldn’t dispute the fact that she was tired. He could see that. However, he was surprised when she said that she didn’t think that she had the energy to walk to the Embassy alone and asked him to escort her. He was thrilled when they got outside the restaurant and she slipped her arm around his waist. His arm went around her, and she leaned against his side. They walked until she abruptly stopped on the street just as the fence of the Embassy compound came into view, but nowhere near the entry gates. Her arm dropped to her side, and she turned to face him, but he spoke first.

“Mac, are you okay?”

“I’m just tired.”

“What can I do?”

“I feel better knowing that you care.” She looked up at him with such sadness in her eyes.

He risked the possibility of injury and placed a quick peck of a kiss on her lips. “I care very much.”

She stepped into him, his arms immediately seizing the opportunity to embrace her. His warmth surrounded her, and she felt lighter as she felt his lips place a kiss on the top of her forehead.

He held her, just thankful for the contact. She tilted her head back and, when her eyes met his, he couldn’t help himself. His lips moved towards hers until their lips met. The kiss was sweet and loving, lasting long enough that the participants knew that they'd shared something and short enough that they weren’t making a public scene. When the kiss ended, she pulled from his embrace.

“Meet you at your office for lunch tomorrow at noon, right?”

“Yeah, lunch at noon,” he replied.

While in Washington, she’d thought that her sleeplessness was caused by missing Harm, but she’d seen him, and sleeping in London wasn’t any easier. As a matter a fact, it was getting worse because, since she’d been here, she’d get to sleep, but her sleep was more restless and she’d wake even more tired than when she’d gone to bed. Tonight, she’d gathered strength from being in his arms even if it had been for a brief time, and his kiss had eased some of her feelings. In this more relaxed state, she managed to drift to sleep quickly, but tonight would be no different than the others. She’d wake and check her internal clock to find that she’d slept for three hours and twelve minutes, and the relaxed feeling that she'd had when she'd lain down was gone.

CHAPTER SEVEN – Lunch

Friday, April 22, 2005

The knee length, floral print sundress with empire waist got the attention of the men on staff the instant she came in. The men were eager to help the beautiful woman and gladly showed her to the outer office of their CO when she told them that she had a noon appointment with Captain Rabb.

Harm’s intercom buzzed at 1141, and PO Banks announced the arrival of his noon appointment. Harm knew that it had to be Mac because his yeoman had apparently forgotten to ask the appointment for a name. Harm told the petty officer to send her in and made his way across the floor to meet her at the door.

He gave Mac a few moments to look around his office before they left. Harm led Mac out of the building and over to a little car. Harm opened the passenger door and let her get settled in. He got in and knew that her first question would be about the car. She didn’t disappoint him, and he explained. He'd purchased the car from an outgoing staff member about ten days ago. The officer selling the car was happy to be going back to where people drive on the right side of the road, and had no use for the car. The officer had said that buying the car from someone who was leaving was how he'd gotten it, and that they might as well keep circulating it through until the car died or the Navy left London.

Harm and Mac went to look at the apartments first. They held hands as much as space would allow while touring each one. The first place was okay. It didn’t have any obvious flaws, but it didn’t feel right. The second one was beautiful, and the bathroom had a tub, but the owner had transformed the second bedroom into more of a den, and it wouldn’t work for Mattie, primarily because it had no closet. The third place was a nice three-bedroom. Though the third bedroom was small and there was no tub, it did have a fireplace.

Harm wasn’t sure how Mac felt about any of the places, so he told the agent that they’d talk the options over and he’d get back to her by Monday. Before letting the agent get away, he asked her about the location of the dress shop that Mac had mentioned last night at dinner. He also asked if she had any suggestions as to where his fiancée might be able to find a dress. The agent was happy to supply him with the answers.

After the apartments were toured, he took her to a café, and they opted to sit outside and enjoy the sunshine. After ordering, Harm had a chance to see Mac in the sunlight and realized that not sleeping wasn’t her only problem. She’d lost weight, too. While enjoying her company the past couple of nights in dim lit restaurants and outside under the shadowy light of streetlamps, he hadn’t been sure, but seeing her in the bright sunlight and in a form fitting dress versus her slacks and jackets of the last two evenings, he was sure. She had lost some weight.

After receiving their lunch order, Harm spoke. “You don’t look like you slept well last night.”

“A bad bout of jet lag, I guess.” She didn’t want to confess that she hadn’t had much sleep in weeks, and diverted his attention. “I was told that I shouldn’t go out in uniform, but you’re wearing yours.”

He noted the change of subject. If the subject of sleep was off limits, then her weight loss probably was, too. “It's recommended for safety's sake that you don’t wear your uniform off military posts or U.S. properties, such as the Embassy. However, there's no order prohibiting you from wearing your uniform and, sometimes, like today, it's easier to wear it than change and change back.”

He did manage to get her to talk about the apartments that they’d looked at today. It wasn’t so much what she said, but what she didn’t say about each one that led him to a decision. He’d make a call about it this afternoon.

Mac, knowing that Harm would soon have to return to work, asked if he might have to work this weekend. Harm said that he didn’t think so. She informed him that she was off for the weekend, but had a busy week following, and that she had a dress to buy before next Friday’s Embassy party.

“You need to buy a dress, huh?” Harm asked.

“Yes, I’m sorry that I can’t invite you to attend, but, because of security concerns, I was informed that I can’t invite a guest.” Mac explained.

“Well, that’s okay. I understand,” Harm replied.

Unbeknown to Mac, Colonel Bridges had invited Harm to attend before his trip, and Harm had decided not to go since Colonel Bridges wasn’t expected to be back in time for the party, but now that Mac was going to be there, he decided not to tell her that he’d already been invited, and attend to surprise her.

“Thanks, I appreciate it,” Mac said sincerely.

“I have a suggestion. Since you didn’t sleep well, I'll drop you off at the Embassy, and perhaps you can get in a nap before dinner. We can go out to dinner tonight and, tomorrow, I’ll pick you up early, take you to breakfast and take you shopping. Interested?”

Mac agreed to breakfast and shopping with him. However, she suggested that he drop her off a few blocks from the Embassy, insisting that the walk in the fresh air would help her get to sleep quicker. He did as she suggested and pulled the car over a few blocks from the Embassy. She casually brushed her lips over his cheek before exiting the car, and said that she’d meet him at the restaurant for dinner. He watched her first several strides towards the Embassy before pulling away.

Mac waited until she was sure that Harm was gone before hailing a taxi. She went to several places and accomplished her goals before returning to the Embassy to take that nap.

Mac got in a thirty-one minute nap. She got out of bed to freshen up and change for her dinner date with Harm. After all these years, a date with Harm - how wonderful that sounded.

CHAPTER EIGHT – A Bath and a Cold Shower

Harm had requested a different restaurant, but Mac had insisted on meeting him there. Dressed in a dark gray suit with light blue shirt and dark blue tie, he'd arrived before her. In a dark blue dress just a shade or two away from the color of his tie, she arrived a few minutes after he’d been seated. He stood to greet her, kissing her cheek in greeting like last night before reaching to pluck a wrapped bundle of baby’s breath with a single red rose from its place of rest on the table. Rendered temporarily speechless by the gesture, she took the bundle carefully. This was a romantic side of him that she hadn’t seen before and didn’t know existed. He heard a soft “thank you” as she sat down.

He managed not to talk about apartments or rings, and somehow they managed to avoid work conversation during dinner, too. They talked about Mattie’s last email, which was an update on school, and she’d asked if he’d heard from Mac. Mac talked about possibly joining her secretary for tea during the coming week to sample some of the culture while she was here, and they talked about the weather. Between eating and the conversation, dinner seemed to be over too soon.

Harm hadn’t brought the car and, after exiting the restaurant, she inquired as to its location. “The car is so small that it’s hard for me to get in and out of, so I prefer to walk or use public transportation to most places, but the car comes in handy sometimes.” He slipped his arm around her waist, and they took a few strides towards the Embassy, then concerned that she might be tired, he asked. “Did you want to get a taxi?”

“No, but I would like to know if you have any plans for the rest of the evening, Captain?”

Okay, that captain could turn out to be like sailor when she said it crossed his mind as he gave her a curious look. “No ma’am. Why?”

“Then may I suggest that we turn around and go the other way? That is, if you’d be interested in staying with me tonight.” She understood the raise of his eyebrow to be a question, and answered. “I ran some errands earlier. The hotel room that I booked for the weekend is in the other direction.” A devilish grin appeared on his face, and he spun them around. She let out a chuckle. “I take it that means that you’d like to join me.”

His grin got bigger. “I would.”

“You do realize that this doesn’t get you out of taking me shopping tomorrow,” she teased.

Mac had left an overnight bag with the guard at the Embassy before going to meet Harm for lunch. When Harm returned her to the Embassy, she retrieved the bag and got into a taxi. Mac carried her overnight bag with her while picking up some bubble bath and bath oil before going to check into a hotel. After checking in, she went to the room to leave her overnight and shopping bag. She stayed long enough to consider taking a nap there instead of returning to the Embassy, but she was afraid if the bed was too comfortable, she’d fall asleep and wouldn’t wake in time for her date with Harm.

As soon the door shut behind them, her bag sitting on a shelf near the bathroom came into view. “I thought you might have a travel bag in your car, but since there's no car, you don’t have any clothes for the weekend. I didn’t plan this operation very well, now did I?”

“I think getting the room was the tactical part of the plan, and you know what they say…Marines need to improvise and overcome obstacles that arise during an operation.” His big smile let her know that he was teasing her. “I’ll go to my quarters and get a few things in the morning, and bring the car back for shopping.” He shrugged his shoulders as he said, “See, no problem with your plan.” Then he opened his arms to her.

Mac went into his arms, resting her head against him as his arms enveloped her. She knew that she needed to tell him about the uneasiness that she felt that was being caused by her doubts every time he tried to move them forward. The reasons for her doubts weren’t clear to her, but she wanted this contact with him. Along with her doubt came the fear that whatever was keeping her from committing completely to him would cause him to change his mind about the future. She no longer feared him leaving her as a friend, but losing his love would be worse than any rift that they'd ever had between them as friends. When she looked up at him to speak, her lips instead sought his. The kiss that she delivered was one of need, the need to be supported and cared for. When she eased the kiss, he pulled her into another kiss. His kiss was one of caring and desire, and ended because of the need for oxygen. His embrace loosened, causing her to look up. He looked into her eyes. “I’ve wanted to kiss you like that for days.”

She slipped her arms around his waist and gave him a gentle squeeze. She found his lips with hers and eased her tongue to his lips, asking for entrance, which he granted. After the tongue-tangling kiss, she started to pull from his embrace, but he held onto her.

He wasn’t sure what he should do, but he recognized the need to do something. He needed a few minutes to work this problem out in his head, but how could he get away from her to think without making it seem like he was backing away? He stepped back from her and put his hands on her shoulders. “Does this place have a bathtub?” Mac nodded in the affirmative. “A warm bath might help you relax.”

“On my errands, I did buy some bubble bath and bath oil and left it here with my bag...my room at the Embassy has a bathtub, too.” She added the latter in an effort to make light of her current mood.

“Then why don’t you go take a bath while I settle in?”

She retrieved the bottle of bath oil from the shopping bag and a nightgown from her bag. She slipped off her shoes and disappeared into the bathroom. Once the door was closed, Harm let out the breath that he hadn’t even realized that he’d been holding. Harm loosened his tie and removed his jacket, placing it over the back of a chair before sitting in the chair to toe off his shoes and remove his socks. The tie came off, and he unbuttoned his shirt, removing it and placing it over his jacket before standing to pace the room in bare feet, trying to form his questions, surmising along the way that this would be the hardest part of their relationship, their marriage: opening up to each other. He was as guilty as she was about keeping things in until they boiled over into snide comments or other rude behavior. The strange thing about this lack of communication between them: it was a problem that they had only when it involved them on a personal level, not with cases or investigations.

Harm was wondering if he should check on Mac. She’d been in the bathroom a long time. He was poised to knock on the door when the door opened and she emerged, wearing the nightgown that she’d worn in Russia, or one very similar to it in color and style.

She noticed that he must have been close to the door and she smiled at him. “Did you want something?”

“I was going to ask if you were okay in there. Did the bath help?” She walked past him, and the smell of her bath oil wafted into his nostrils.

She was placing items back into her overnight bag. “A bath always helps.” Her items put away, she walked to him and slipped her arms around him. She tightened her grip, forcing him close to her, and she tried to bury her head in his chest, mumbling, “This feels better.”

He was able to understand her mumbled words, and his lips threatened to part in a smile as he tightened his hold on her just a little. Maybe the weeks apart were the only problem, and he needed to relax. After a few minutes, they released each other, and Mac walked towards the bed.

Harm watched, hypnotized by her movements as she turned down the bed and climbed in. She was in bed with the covers drawn up over her before he had time to remove his slacks. He placed his slacks with the rest of his suit on the back of the chair before making his way to the bed in his underwear.

By the time he slid into bed on the side that she’d left open, she was on her side, facing away from him. He slipped into bed, eased his way up against her and draped his arm over her. She didn’t respond in any manner, and they lay together in silence until Mac’s even breathing let him know that she was asleep.

Harm couldn’t sleep until he figured out what to do. The need for a cold shower wasn't the reunion outcome that he’d envisioned at any point in these weeks of separation, and certainly not when she'd asked if he wanted to spend the night with her. He wanted more than the pleasure of holding her, but she needed rest, and her needs had to outweigh his. She needed something from him. He could tell that from her kiss and the way she’d held onto him, but what was it and why hadn’t she just asked? Well, maybe she had by asking him to stay with her. Maybe she just needed him to be there.

He was awake, still trying to figure out what she needed when he felt her stirring. She wasn’t stirring like she was waking, but like she was having a nightmare. He rubbed his hand from the top of her arm down and then back up again in an attempt to soothe her, and found that his efforts to soothe her seemed to help him as well. Her movements calmed, and she seemed to be back to a more restful sleep.

He needed to feel close to her so he moved with her as she slept. He was now on his back, one arm under and one arm over her, with her snuggled into his side, and her head and one palm resting on his chest.

The clouded mind that comes with just waking up passed in a few seconds. A quick check of her internal clock said that it was 0145, which meant that she’d slept longer than she had in a long time. However, she felt only slightly rested for as long as she’d slept. She lifted her head to look into the eyes that she felt on her. “I’m sorry that I woke you.”

“You didn’t wake me. I wasn’t sure that you’d wake me if you needed me, so I’ve been awake.”

She found herself a little teary-eyed over his concern, but covered her emotion. “I don’t know about this guy who I’ve been seeing here. A rose last night and sweet words in the morning? He'd better watch it. A girl could get use to this.”

“I hope she gets very use to having me around. I want to spend the rest of my life with her.” He felt her body tense. He kissed her softly on the lips before she pulled her lips away.

She didn’t respond to his words, instead opting for, “You'd better get some sleep so you can take me shopping.”

He faked a yawn. “I suppose a little nap wouldn’t hurt.” With his reply, she settled back into position. She lay there, feeling the rise and fall of his chest from his breathing, and listened to his heartbeat until she drifted back to sleep.

He lay there with his arms around her, unable to sleep. Up until now, he’d been willing to think that he was overreacting, but not now. Something was going on. The thought of losing her tugged at his heart. He didn’t want to sleep. He wanted answers.

She hadn’t been back to sleep long when she stirred like she had before. He rubbed her arm to soothe her as he’d done before. She’d been through a lot, and he couldn’t begin to image what might be replaying in her head. He knew from personal experience that, once in a while, something or someone would trigger a time in your life that you'd wanted to forget, but, in your dreams or nightmares, it would replay. For him, reliving his ramp strike was the worst nightmare to be triggered. If Mac said the word ‘never,’ say when consulting on a case - the defendant ‘never’ has been in trouble with the law - it could invoke a dream, a dream where he’d relive a part of his life involving that word and Paraguay, and the combination never resulted in a good night’s sleep.

He needed her to talk to him. His plan of action narrowed until he settled on proceeding like everything was fine. His theory was that, if he were overreacting, everything would work itself out. If he weren’t, she’d come clean under the pressure of trying to pretend that nothing was wrong. He snuggled down into the bed a little further and held her a little tighter until the closeness of her body to his forced his need for a cold shower.

She'd toss and turn for several hours, her body sleeping, but not resting. She'd awake to find that she was alone in bed.

CHAPTER NINE – Prepared to Shop

Saturday, April 23, 2005

When he’d gotten out of bed, he'd thought a run might clear his head, but he wasn’t running in his suit, so he'd opted for a cab back to his quarters to pick up a few things. He’d taken the key card and left Mac sleeping restlessly in bed, so he didn’t want to be gone long. He'd been in and out of his quarters, shedding the suit coat, but remaining in the shirt and pants to save time. He was getting into the car less than fifteen minutes after he’d arrived.

When he arrived back at the hotel, he saw a woman, probably in her mid-twenties, behind the counter, and stopped to ask her about a shop to take a visiting friend to buy a dress.

In the room, he found Mac still sleeping, but not soundly. He took out his notes on places that they needed to visit today and plotted the best route before heading into the bathroom.

He came out of the bathroom wearing jeans to see Mac sitting up in bed awake. He pulled on his Liberty Bonds t-shirt and made his way to the bed. He sat next to her and placed a soft kiss on her lips. “Good morning.”

“Good morning.” Her voice sounded sleepy. “You’re dressed.”

“Yes, ma’am, I’ve gone to get my gear and the car, showered, shaved and dressed.”

She consulted her internal clock...0715. “Why didn’t you wake me?”

His palm came up and rested on her cheek, and she closed her eyes and leaned into his touch. “You needed the sleep, but now that you’re awake, get up and get dressed.” He patted her thigh and got up to give her space. “The day is awastin’, Marine. Get up or we’ll be having lunch instead of breakfast.”

She went into the bathroom, and he ordered breakfast, then put on his shoes to finish dressing. Room service arrived before Mac came back into the room. When she did reenter the room, she was completely dressed. He pointed to the room service cart. “I ordered breakfast. Egg white omelet with vegetables and juice for me, for you, a muffin and a fruit plate, with coffee for both of us. You need to find a dress, and we need to buy a bed…lots of things to do today, so you should eat something. It’s going to be a long day. If you don’t want what I ordered, just let me know what you do want, and I’ll order it for you.”

“What you ordered sounds good.” Mac poured and drank a sip of coffee and pinched off a bite of the muffin before she asked, “Why do you need to buy a bed?”

The fact that she’d used you instead of we didn’t escape him, but he’d let it go for now. “Because you sublet your apartment with most of your furniture included, so I didn’t have my bed shipped. If we buy a bed here, our bed will be here and you’ll still have a bed to sleep in there.”

“Why buy one today?”

“I called about the three bedroom place yesterday. I’ll be picking the keys up during lunch on Monday.” He paused to take in the changing expressions on her face. The original look of surprise gave way to a look of annoyance, then to a look that he’d have to label as fear.

After a brief pause, he began to answer her question. “After calling about the place, I was thinking about furniture and its placement in the new place, and that’s when it dawned on me. The place doesn’t have built-ins like my old place, and I don’t have a dresser. Later, I wondered, if I picked up the keys on Monday, when could I move in. After thinking it over, I realized that all I needed to move in was a bed. I've had too many punch outs for me to want to sleep on the floor, so with a bed, I can make do until my things arrive. If we pick one out while you’re here, I won’t have to worry if you’ll like our new bed.”

His enthusiasm for furniture shopping was cute, and the idea of having a bed shared only with the other was sweet, but that uncomfortable feeling coursed through her as he spoke. She didn’t want to pick out a bed with him. She’d planned to spend the weekend with him sharing a bed, so why was a life with him causing her so much distress? Frustration was in her voice. “You’re buying a bed, but you said that you needed a dresser?” She tried not to show her reluctance and discomfort, but she wasn’t successful. He noticed.

With the look of a mischievous little boy, he said. “We’ll make some salesman’s day by letting him think that he talked us into buying the matching dresser for the bed that we said that we needed, when we wanted to buy one all along.”

During breakfast, he told Mac that, yesterday, he’d asked the real estate agent about the dress shop that she’d mentioned the other night. He said he thought that he could find it from her directions. He told her that he'd also asked the agent for an idea on the matter, and she’d given another dress shop to try, and the female clerk at the desk this morning had given him another.

Harm was hungry. He finished his omelet, a couple of slices of melon from Mac’s fruit plate, a cup of coffee, and a glass of juice. Mac, on the other hand, finished two cups of coffee, but ate only a wedge of melon and a couple of grapes from the fruit plate, and less than half a muffin. Yet it was probably the most that she’d actually eaten in his presence since her arrival.

With breakfast settling in their bellies, the pair left the hotel, prepared to shop.

CHAPTER TEN – Shop ‘Til You Drop

The mapped out route had them visiting the shops farthest from the hotel, and then making their way back towards the hotel. Ms. Appleton’s recommended dress shop would be first. Mac saw several dresses in the shop that she liked, but none were suitable for the formal party.

The next stop was a furniture shop. Like with the apartments, Mac didn’t say much about any bed. He paid very close attention to what she said as they took a second look at each style. He turned to ask a question of the clerk, but when he turned back, Mac wasn’t next to him. He found her towards the back of the store, looking at a four poster bed. “Do you like this one?” Her answer of “it’s nice” was too simple a response for the look in her eye. Harm studied the bed carefully before they left for the next store.

The next stop was the shop that the young lady from the hotel had recommended this morning. Mac teased him on the way to the next stop because the young woman had apparently thought that Harm’s use of the phrase ‘to buy a dress for a friend’ was code to inquire about a dress for either himself or his significant other. The shop specialized in dresses for men. Normally, he wouldn’t have been so fond of the teasing except, this time, it was letting him see her smile and hear her laugh, which made him feel good.

The next stop was a furniture store, then the dress shop that the real estate agent had mentioned, but neither stop concluded with a purchase. They’d been holding hands off and on, and he’d put his arm around her earlier. The furniture shops made her uneasy, but, overall, she was enjoying the time with Harm.

Next they went to a quaint area of town lined with shops on both sides of the street for a couple of blocks. The first few shops were nothing of interest to them, but a dress shop did appear in position number five. Mac looked through the dresses, but didn’t like anything enough to try it on.

After leaving the dress shop, aromas from a café caught her attention. She was actually hungry. While they ate lunch at the café, he enjoyed watching her talk animatedly about shopping and her thoughts that one of these shops might have some memento that she could take back to Mattie. In short order, lunch was eaten, and Mac was ready to get back to shopping.

With lunch concluded, they walked down the shop-lined street past several shops, including one that sold tea and one that sold wine before coming to a dress shop. Harm took the opportunity to make his usual Saturday call while Mac went inside. It took Mac the same length of time to look around as it took Harm to complete his weekly call to Mattie.

Mac exited the shop and saw Harm putting his phone into his pocket. “How’s Mattie?” she asked as she approached.

“Fine, I told her about picking out an apartment and that the court would have the update on Monday.”

“She doesn’t know that I’m here, does she?”

“No, I didn’t slip. Your location is still a secret to her.”

“I’m glad that she’s okay. It may sound strange, but I miss her.”

“I don’t think it sounds strange. I miss her, too.” He waved his hand in the direction of the shop. “Did you see anything?”

“No.”

“So on to the next place?” he asked. She nodded, and he reached for her hand.

They passed a variety of shops before a display in a dress shop window caught Mac’s eye, a black, strapless gown. She tried on that gown and three others: a cream colored one, a burgundy one and a dark blue one that the saleswoman suggested. When Mac came out of the fitting room to get his opinion on the black gown and the cream one, he found they looked familiar, like he'd seen her in them before. It wasn’t until she returned to the dressing room to try on a fourth option that he realized where he’d seen her in those dresses before. He’d envisioned her in identical dresses after tipping over in the admiral’s chair and hitting his head years ago. He’d never be sure if the trauma to his head had caused his hallucinations or his fear of losing Mac to Brumby.

She came out of the fitting room minutes later and saw him deep in thought. “Harm...” The sound of his name brought him out of his thoughts. She was wearing her jeans and top, not the fourth dress.

“I’m sorry. Did I miss one? I thought there was one more dress.”

“You didn’t miss it. I tried it on, but I didn’t like it. Which dress did you like best?”

“I liked them all, so whichever one you liked best would get my vote.”

“I’m not sure. Do you mind if we look at a few more shops?”

“I don’t mind a bit as long as I’m with you.” They were close enough to each other that he brushed his lips against her cheek. Her heart fluttered.

They crossed the street and walked past a few shops, but the seventh store down was a place where Harm wanted to go in. Mac had no idea that Harm knew about this cluster of shops because of the store that they were about to enter. He reached for her elbow and guided her into the shop. With Mac in London, Harm wanted to take the opportunity to see if she’d like the ring that he thought was the right one.

Mac gasped as she realized what kind of store they were in. Harm walked them back to the display of engagement rings. She was getting that uncomfortable feeling again. The one that she’d had the last time that he’d brought up engagement rings, the same one that she’d had looking at apartments, and the same one that she'd had looking at beds this morning.

His arm went around her waist. “You see anything you like?” he asked.

Each ring that she picked out, three in all, was shown to them one at a time. Two rings were single one-carat diamonds, but different cuts. The third was a one carat total weight ring, a large stone in the center with smaller ones around it making it look a little like a flower, a little less traditional perhaps, but quite nice. A fourth ring was pulled out because Harm liked it. It was a two-carat round diamond, accented on each side with a half-carat heart shaped ruby, turned so the point of the heart pointed away from the center instead of towards the front or the back. With each ring, Mac slipped it on and extended her hand to see how it looked on her finger. After trying on the last one, she moved away from the case. She missed his arm around her immediately, but she needed a break from the feeling of discomfort that she had while standing in front of all those engagement rings.

He followed her. “What do you think about that last one?”

She glanced into a case to keep from looking at him. “I think it’s too expensive.”

He hoped that he was good at hearing what she was saying by what she wasn’t saying. She didn’t say that she didn’t like it...just that it was too much money. She appeared to be browsing, so he slipped back to chat with the salesman.

A different salesman was showing her something when he returned to her side, placing his hand at the small of her back. She moved unconsciously towards him until her side was almost touching his. “I think I’ve found a gift for Mattie.” It was a charm shaped like Big Ben that had caught her attention. The salesman suggested that the charm be put on a bracelet instead of a necklace, allowing for more memories to be stored by adding charms for other occasions. Mac asked Harm’s opinion. Harm told her that Mattie had a necklace that her mother had left her, so another necklace might conflict. However, Mattie would be able to wear the bracelet and the necklace at the same time if she wanted to - no conflict of interest.

Mac smirked at the salesman. “You can tell that he’s a lawyer, can’t you?” The salesman smiled politely.

Harm smirked. “Apparently, I won’t be of any help, so I’ll leave you to decide. I’ll be over there.” He pointed to a case next to the engagement rings.

Mac would never have thought that a decision on a bracelet would be so hard. Yellow gold, white gold or sterling silver is a major decision when you’re trying to compensate for being somewhere that the other person can’t be. Mac picked a bracelet and two charms, paid for her purchase and went in search of Harm.

Mac walked up behind Harm and placed a hand on his shoulder. He was looking into a case with a variety of rings. “One of the charms is being engraved. He said that it wouldn’t take long, so we should wait.”

He looked down at the display and then back at her. “You were right about us not really dating, although I think we could find another one or two in there if we thought about it. Since we haven’t been traditional in getting to this point, look around. We can use any ring you want for your engagement ring.”

Mac didn’t like the way that talking about rings made her feel, mostly because she didn’t understand it. They started to move over to the next case when the salesman came over to verify that the engraving was correct. When Mac confirmed that the engraving was correct, the salesman said that he’d return in a moment with it gift-wrapped. Mac thanked him, and he disappeared.

Harm had noticed that a date had been engraved on both sides of the silhouette of a little girl charm. Once the young man was gone, Harm asked about it. “Why engrave two dates on the charm?”

“The side with her birthstone set in it is her birth date, but I was trying to buy something to remind her of you and where you are, so the date on the other side is the date that you first became her guardian. I got the charm of Big Ben to remind her of where you are and where she’ll soon be.”

Harm didn’t know what to say, so he placed a delicate kiss on her lips in thanks before the salesman reappeared with her purchases, wrapped and bagged.

The next store to catch Mac’s attention was a shoe store. Inside, Mac tried on two pairs of shoes twice, the second time taking a few steps in them before announcing that the shoes weren’t helping. Harm looked confused, so she took pity on him and explained. “You see, if one pair had been uncomfortable, it would help me choose the shoes, which would help me pick the right dress. The shoes aren’t helping because I like them both and they’re both comfortable.”

The salesman looked disgusted. Harm was sure that this was part of the salesman’s daily grind and, to him; Mac was being just another indecisive female in his day. Harm had an idea. Though it wouldn’t help Mac’s decision, it would certainly rid both of them of the annoyed and annoying salesman. “She’ll take both pairs.” Mac looked up from the chair in which she was sitting. “You said that they’re both comfortable. I might as well start your comfortable shoe collection today.”

She smiled at him, not because he was buying her shoes, but because it meant that he’d always really listened to her: her simple goals of a great career, a good man and comfortable shoes, lots and lots of them. He’d remembered the small things that a lot of men would have dismissed.

With shoes in hand, Mac suggested that they go back to the dress shop so that she could try on the dresses with the shoes. The shoe idea didn’t work because Mac still couldn’t decide which dress to purchase. The young woman helping her made the purchase decision easier when she explained that all three dresses were on sale. The woman made it even easier when she overheard the couple talking about getting everything into the little car and explained that the store often provided dresses for functions at the Embassy and that getting the dresses delivered there would be no problem. A few minutes later, Mac had three new dresses for about the same dollar amount that Harm had just paid for her shoes.

With dresses and shoes purchased, Harm suggested that they find some place to eat dinner. Mac ordered only a salad for dinner, but he couldn’t be too upset because she’d eaten a decent lunch today. She mentioned wanting to take another bath this evening, but, other than that, very little was said during dinner. After dinner, he drove them back to the hotel.

CHAPTER ELEVEN – Saturday Night, Back at the Hotel

The hotel room door had barely clicked shut behind them before Mac excused herself to take a bath. Once the bathroom door was closed, Harm began to pace. He paced, and then stopped to remove his shirt. He paced, and then stopped to pull down the bed covers.

His back was to the bathroom door when Mac came out wearing a robe matching last night’s nightgown. He was deep in thought and didn’t hear her approaching, but her hand on his shoulder broke his concentration, her feather like touch sending a shiver of delight down his spine.

He turned, and she came into his arms. He noticed a difference in her demeanor as her arms went around his neck and she rested her forehead against him. She seemed more at ease now. After some of the tense moments of the last couple of days, he was confused by her actions, but delighted with the contact.

The hint of his after-shave entered her nostrils as they stood in silence for a few minutes. His neck warmed under her breath as she whispered into his ear, “I was very tired last night, but I’m not so tired tonight.”

His lips covered hers and he kissed her. When her lips threatened to retreat, he held her a little tighter, and his tongue begged for entrance, which she granted, and a kiss conveying their passion, desire, and longing began. The need for air forced the kiss to end.

Breathless from his kiss, she whispered, “We should get more comfortable.” She took a half step back, turned around and tugged at the tie of her robe. She took one step forward, and he watched as her robe dropped from her shoulders, the material sliding down, exposing her backside to him.

He quickly moved in behind her. His left hand settled on her hip while his right hand brushed her hair off her shoulder. He placed warm kisses from her shoulder to her neck, and then he switched to the other shoulder and repeated his actions. She leaned back against him as his kisses came up her neck and he nibbled at her ear. His hands resisted the urge to roam her body.

He moved from behind her to go sit on the edge of the bed. Once he was seated, he extended his arm in invitation for her to join him.

His eyes were fixed on her nude form as she stepped over the pool of fabric that she’d created on the floor with her robe. As she moved towards him, he stared in amazement. For as long as he’d known her, seeing her like this was very new and exciting. He couldn’t help but see beauty in the woman before him, and a desire to be with her heated him from within.

His hands came to rest on her hips as she stepped between his knees. He placed a kiss on her stomach above her belly button as her body came in closer to his. When he raised his head, her lips crashed down onto his lips. His arms slid around her and held her close until her lips parted from his.

He looked into her brown eyes and saw a different woman, not really a different woman, but only a woman. He’d always seen her as attractive, but he’d never looked at her features individually to understand why he saw her that way. Her cheek bones and the shape of her eyes, for example, mixed with her skin tone made her look exotic. The exotic look combined with the rich brown color of her eyes intoxicated him.

His fingertips made a trail from her collarbone down her body, her skin smooth and her breasts perfectly shaped mounds with pink peaks. His hands covered her breasts briefly before he forced them to move on, skimming over her flat tummy as they moved around her waist. His hands slid over her buttocks and glided down the outside of her thighs. Once his hands reached her knees, he moved his hands back up along their previous path to cup her buttocks. Their lips made contact again. He squeezed her firm buttocks as they kissed, pulling her forward as he fell back onto the bed, bringing her down on top of him. The closeness of her to him was pleasurable in itself. The fact that, after all these years, he could finally touch her and feel her skin on his, heavenly.

His fingertip touches gave way to his hands roaming over her body. She’d been touched by men before, but never like this. His touch was gentler and more caring, leaving each place that he touched hot and wanting. His kiss was like no other before him, either. She felt the loss of balance as she fell forward.

The kiss that they’d been in while falling onto the bed ended, and a few shorter ones took place before Mac’s lips moved from his. She eased down his body with a trail of kisses from his lips to his chest to his belly button. Her weight left him, and he felt her at the waist of his jeans. “You should get more comfortable,” she said in a soft, seductive voice as she unfastened his jeans. The pull at the waistband of his jeans encouraged him to stand. He took her in his arms again, kissing her gently at first, and then tongues tangled in her mouth. When the kiss ended, she climbed onto the bed while he made it his mission to rid himself of the rest of his clothing.

Having taken a prone position on the bed, she tapped the mattress next to her in invitation as the remainder of his clothing hit the floor. He crawled onto the bed, and she moved towards him. His arms engulfed her, and she sighed at the feeling of being in his arms again, as if it had been weeks or years, not just a few moments since she’d been in his arms. At the sound of her sigh, he held her close for a few minutes.

He waited for her to make a move before continuing to pursue her. She brought her lips to his and, after her kiss; he started another kiss to her lips before moving down her neck and over her body. His kisses trailed from her lips down her body to her ankles and back up to her breasts. He took time to kiss and caress each breast before moving back up her chest to her neck and her lips for another tongue dueling kiss. His hands roamed over her body as they kissed; finally free to enjoy the feel of her skin under his touch.

The sensations that his kiss and touch gave her body made her want him more. She wanted to love him, but she wanted to be loved by him, too. She felt the heat and moisture between her legs increase as he kissed and teased her nipples with his tongue, but the fight over whether she wanted to be on top or not raged inside her.

He was fully erect and ready to move things forward, but unsure if she was ready. She’d made no effort to pull him to her like before, or to cover him. She seemed so fragile tonight. He didn’t want to risk upsetting the mood, but he wasn’t sure how much longer he could continue to kiss and touch her without letting go.

He came up to join his lips with hers, and one of her hands moved behind his head as if to hold him there. As they kissed, his pulse rate skyrocketed, and his blood boiled as her other hand moved below his waistline and her palm glanced over his hardness. Her legs were together, but with the contact of her palm with him, he was able to slide his hand between them, and the side of his index finger was dampened by her moistness and his hand felt the warmth that would surround him and satisfy them. She slid her hand back up his body, and he removed his hand from between her legs.

Her voice was low and needy. “Permission granted to come aboard, sailor.”

All he could do was nod as he brought his body over hers. A few seconds later, his stiffness entered her and slid easily inside from her natural lubrication. He entered slowly. Her body arched and her hands clutched at him pulling him in close and hoping to sink him deeper inside of her. She wanted all of him, but he didn’t allow his complete length to enter her. He couldn’t explain it, but he hadn’t been able to fully let go before tonight with her, and he couldn’t do it now, either.

She felt his throbbing member enter her and craved more of him. Their rhythm was instinctive, and they moved together, slowly at first, then faster. Her body writhed and arched involuntarily as she approached her climax, but she was able to hold in sounds of pleasure. She’d allowed a moan to escape the last time, but she couldn’t let not even that much go tonight.

He felt her fingers dig into his shoulder, and he hoped that they were still in sync with each other since he knew that his own climax was no more than a couple of strokes away. He felt her walls tighten around him and, with the next stroke into her, he emptied himself completely. With the intensity of his approaching release over, he realized that she was no longer clutching his shoulder and that she’d relaxed under him.

CHAPTER TWELVE – I’ll Always Be There

Sunday, April 24, 2005

They lay in bed in silence after their joining. Mac, relaxed from the physical release and still tired from many a sleepless night prior to this evening, fell asleep snuggled in at his side with her head on his chest, warm in his embrace.

Harm lay in bed, holding her close and thinking. He began to analyze their encounter. Tonight was different from their last encounter. Different didn’t have to be bad, but, somehow, he thought, this time it was. His arm around her and her body snuggled against him, she seemed content, but was she satisfied and happy? He fell asleep with the fear that he’d just gotten closer to a woman who was going to leave him.

Mac woke every couple of hours. She’d wake, watch Harm sleep for a few minutes, get comfortable again and go back to sleep. When she’d settle into a new position, Harm wouldn’t wake, but he'd roll to a complimentary position and continue to hold her every time she changed positions.

At 0445 Mac woke and watched Harm sleeping for a few minutes before deciding that she should get up and prepare to check out. She quietly slipped out of bed and went into the bathroom. Except for shoes, she was dressed when she exited the bathroom a little while later. She sat in a chair and watched him sleep for a few minutes before gathering up her personal items and packing them into her bag.

She began to move around the room to pick up Harm’s things. When she picked up his jeans, she saw the edge of a piece of paper sticking out from one of his pockets. She couldn’t help it. She pulled it from his jeans and unfolded it. She half expected it to be a woman’s phone number, but it wasn’t. When she unfolded the paper, it was an order for resizing a ladies ring. No description was given, just an invoice reference number. The order was dated yesterday and the date for pickup was Thursday. He’d bought her a ring, and it was suppose to be picked up on Thursday. She shoved the paper back into his pocket and threw his jeans over the back of the chair that she’d been sitting in earlier.

She put on her shoes and thought about leaving before he woke, but opted not to leave him like that. She tried to shake off this newest case of uneasiness that her discovery had given her by continuing to ready them for departure.

She was stacking her newly acquired shoes on top of her bag when she felt his arms wrap around her from behind and the warmth of his breath on her neck as he placed a kiss there and whispered “good morning” in her ear. He felt her tense up. It was possible that he’d simply caught her off guard, but he suspected that she felt that she was running out of time to tell him what was bothering her since they’d be checking out shortly. He never thought about the paper in his jeans or the fact that, if she found it, it would upset her.

She regained enough composure to ask if he wanted her to order them breakfast while he readied himself for the day. He said that the breakfast that she’d had yesterday sounded like a good idea today since he wasn’t very hungry.

He disappeared into the bathroom, and she ordered a couple of muffins, fruit and coffee for their breakfast.

Harm finished his morning routine and emerged from the bathroom in clean jeans and a bright smile. He pulled out the last clean shirt that he’d brought and put it on. He scanned the room for his shirt and jeans from yesterday, and moved about the room, claiming his items and packing them away.

When room service knocked, Mac was closest to the door so she answered it. Harm took the time to put on his shoes before joining Mac for breakfast.

Mac’s tension under his touch this morning had him perplexed. He picked a grape off the fruit plate and sipped his coffee, but he had a distant look in his eyes.

“Harm, is something wrong?”

“I was going to ask you the same question.”

“I’m fine, but you didn’t answer my question.”

“I’m worried about you.”

His answer tugged at her heart. She knew that this needed to be the start of the conversation that they needed to have, but she didn’t want to have it. He should know about her doubts, but she also knew that he’d want to know why, and that was an answer that she didn’t have.

“Tell me what’s bothering you, Mac. If it's this assignment you’re on, maybe you can’t tell me, but at least say that it's work related so I’ll know that, when you go back to Washington, you’ll be able to sleep.”

“This assignment gives me a funny feeling. I don’t have any facts to back it up, just a feeling that this assignment isn’t as simple or as safe as it's been explained to me, but I don’t think it’s just one thing…it’s everything.” In her eyes, he could see pain and doubt, which tore at his heart.

She stood, and he followed, reaching for her. His fingers combed into her hair until his palms rested on her cheeks. He held her face at the angle needed to force her to look him in the eye. “Mac, tell me what’s bothering you.”

“I guess I’ve just been feeling a little overwhelmed.” She was looking him in the eye, and he wasn’t going to let her look away.

“I wish that you'd mentioned it sooner. I can understand how I haven’t been helping while you’ve been here. I’ve been pushing you to look at rings, housing, and beds. I guess I forgot that I’ve been ready for this to happen for two years. You’ve been in this for only weeks, and with only twelve hours of prep time. I shouldn’t be pushing you. I’m sorry.”

He placed a quick kiss on her lips. “Why didn’t you say something sooner?”

“I’m not sure…maybe because I didn’t want to lose you.”

“Mac, you can talk to me about anything. There isn’t anything that you could possibly say that could change how I feel about you. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll always be there for you.”

The look of concern in his eyes and his reassuring words caused a glitch in her defenses. The door in her mind, the door that everyone has in which they keep locked their darkest secrets and deepest fears opened and, out of her mouth, it came - the reason for her doubts. “You can’t be happy married to a killer.” The words hadn’t registered with any part of her brain. They’d just spilled out of her. She was stunned by her own words, yet once they'd been uttered, she knew the reason. She'd killed an unarmed man…Sadik Fahd.

Harm knew that she’d killed him, but he didn’t know the circumstances under which she’d pulled the trigger. Harm was a good man who'd spent his life fighting for right and justice. She’d dealt with her guilt for shooting him by talking to a ‘shrink’ and Clayton, but it hadn’t cleared her conscience.

He pulled her face towards him and issued a tender kiss to her lips. When his lips left hers, he once again took the sides of her face in his hands to be sure that she looked at him. “You’re a Marine. I know that you’ve killed, hell, I’ve witnessed a few. You’ve been present when I’ve killed, and when I flew Tomcats, you know that I wasn’t dropping sugar cubes. I’ve killed, too.”

If he was going to add to his statement, he didn’t get the chance. Her voice cracked, “This is different.”

This was obviously upsetting to her, but he didn’t understand the problem, and he needed to. “How is it different?”

“I didn’t just shoot a man…I killed an unarmed man.”

To his credit, Harm didn’t even flinch. “You’re saying that you murdered someone.” Her head still between his hands, she just nodded. “Mac, tell me what happened?”

She was comforted by the fact that he hadn’t pulled away from her in disgust, but she knew that it might be only because he was shocked by her revelation. She pulled from his grasp. “I can’t do this right now. I need to get my thoughts together. I need time. I’ll call you when I can talk about it.” She rushed towards her bags.

He was standing tall and firm between her and the door. “Mac, sit down and finish breakfast. We don’t have to talk any more, but I don’t want you just running out of here. We’ll eat, and then I’ll drive you back to the Embassy.”

She put down her bags and sat. She didn’t finish anything except for the second cup of coffee that she’d poured for herself just before they'd started talking. Harm picked at the fruit plate some, but he didn’t finish anything except for his coffee either. He didn’t know what Mac was talking about, but he was going to have to give her the time that she was asking for if he was going to find out what it was.

Neither of them said a word while they were eating or during the drive back to the Embassy. At the curb outside the Embassy gates, Harm got her bags out of the car, and she gave him a quick hug. She whispered “thank you” into his ear and pulled away. The hug was of the variety reserved for a friend whom you haven’t seen in a while or a relative whom you don’t like very much, but feel obligated to acknowledge, not the type of hug that best friends share, let alone lovers.

She grabbed her bags and went to the gate. As he got back into the car to return to his quarters, Harm heard the young Marine on duty tell the colonel that he was glad to see her return safely from her weekend, but that he needed to see her ID before he could let her in.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN – Stating Intentions

Harm left the office on Monday to sign the rental agreement papers and pick up keys to the new place. He also went to purchase a bed and, before heading back to the office, he’d gone to give a delivery address to those in charge of his household goods. They informed him that the goods had arrived that morning and that he could set up a delivery day and time.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Harm hadn’t talked to Mac since he'd dropped her off on Sunday. He’d hoped that she’d call to go to dinner, even if under the strict guideline that they not talk about her revelation. He was trying to keep his mind on work and keep up with his work load. If Mac called, he wanted to be able to get away. Today, he brought his lunch back to his desk. If she called, he didn’t want to miss it. At 1315, his intercom buzzed, and Harm pushed the button to see for whom he’d have to put on a game face. His face took on a stern look when his petty officer informed him as to the identity of his visitor. Harm stood, taking in a deep breath to steady himself as his office door opened and his unexpected visitor entered.

The door closed, and Harm’s voice sounded rough. “What do you want, Webb?”

“We have reason to believe that the Ambassador’s life is in danger, so the Embassy is covered by a tight security blanket: no calls to anyone outside the Embassy and no one leaves the Embassy without clearance. Extra security measures are being taken for the party on Friday as well. A driver will pick you up.”

Harm noted the information about calls and visits, so perhaps things with Mac weren’t as bad as they’d appeared a few minutes ago, but then again, Webb was standing in his office. Harm didn’t soften his tone. “You could have just called about my ride, so why are you here?”

“You sound angry, Harm.” He waved an 8 1/2 by 11" manila envelope in the air. “Don’t shoot the messenger. Yesterday, Sarah asked me for the complete and original report from the CIA files on the shooting of Sadik Fahd. Since she couldn’t bring it, she asked me to. This report is classified, so read it and then destroy it. I don’t know why she wants you to read it, but she said that you need to know what really happened. Why is that?”

Harm grabbed the envelope. “It’s none of your business. You’ve made your delivery. You can go.”

“Not just yet. I brought the report because I was planning on coming to say something to you anyway.”

“What might that be? You need me to bail your ass out again in this assassination mess that you’re in?”

“No, I can handle my job, Rabb.” Webb sounded angry. “For the record, I didn’t get Sarah involved in this…Kershaw picked her for the assignment because they needed someone fast with language skills and, with her previous work for us, she was a natural choice. I had nothing to do with her selection for this assignment. Hell, I wasn’t supposed to be here. I was called in to help throw the blanket over the Embassy and, with that said, it does bring me to my point. When I got here on Friday and I saw Sarah, I knew that I wasn’t over her. I wanted to state my intentions to you man to man like I should’ve done the first time. I intend to tell her that I want her back while I’m here. I love her, and when you read the report, you’ll see when she knew that she loved me.”

Harm let out a puff of air in frustration and aggravation as Clayton Webb made a retreat from his office.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN – Mac Makes Contact

Friday, April 29, 2005

Harm had gotten to the office over an hour ago and had gathered information for his monthly reports. He’d work on them until his first appointment of the day. He was finding it hard to concentrate on work while stewing about Webb being at the Embassy with Mac. He’d called the Embassy, but hadn’t been able to talk to her, so he’d left a message. His message was simple: ‘I’ve read it. It doesn’t change anything.’ Harm was attempting to work on the reports when his intercom buzzed. He was really beginning to hate that contraption. However, the name of his visitor put his stomach in knots.

He was seated when she entered. His desk had more than a dozen files on it, much different than the tidy desk that she’d seen last week. She pointed towards the files on his desk. “Not a major crime spree, I hope,” she said lightheartedly.

“No, a couple of new cases for review and assignment, a few final case reports, end of the month manpower numbers and such...looks worse than it is.” He wasn’t sure what to say. He knew what he wanted to say, but his office really wasn’t the place for their talk.

“I was able to get away for a few minutes, but I have to hurry back. I just wanted to tell you that I got your message. I know that we need to talk, but neither one of us has the time right now. This weekend, I should be free, and I’d like to meet with you.”

“I’d like that.” He reached for a pen and paper and scribbled something down before standing and reaching into his pocket, pulling out a key. “I signed the rental papers, so this is the address and the key. You can come by anytime, or call and I’ll come to get you.”

She took the offered paper and key. “After the party tonight, I might be able to get away, but it'll be late.”

“If you can get away, don’t worry about the time.” He came around his desk.

She was afraid that, if he kissed her, she’d never be able to leave his office. “I promised the petty officer that I wouldn’t mess up your schedule, so I'd better let you get ready for your appointment.” He came to stand in front of her, and she could see the concern in his eyes.

“Mac, I know that this isn’t the best time and not the right place, but I have to say this now. That report doesn’t change anything, and I wish we had more time so that I could explain why. I want you to know that I want you, but I understand that you’ve got other options so I’m going to ask for a favor.” He paused to take in a deep breath like one does before jumping into deep water. “Because I love you, I want above all else for you to be happy, even if it isn’t with me. But do me the favor of taking the time to be sure. Listen to your heart. Pick the man that your heart tells you to choose. Be sure that he's the man whom you love, want and need, and that he loves, wants and needs you just as much. Maybe that man is me or Webb, but maybe you haven’t even met him yet. Just be sure that you’re choosing the right man for you.”

Mac had a tough time keeping her emotions in check as he spoke with such sincerity. She was about to break down when his intercom buzzed, ending their meeting. They knew that it was his scheduled appointment and time for her to go. He voiced into the intercom, “I’ll be right out.” As he walked with Mac to the door, he said softly, “Call anytime.” She nodded and exited his office.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN – Party Preparations

Mac was getting ready to take a bath and saw the vase of flowers on the vanity. Beginning on Wednesday, two containers of flowers had been delivered to her everyday, one to her room and one to her office. Ms. Appleton had confirmed Mac’s suspicions that the flowers were from Clay. Mac knew that the little pieces of unsigned paper being left on her desk with ‘you look beautiful today’ or ‘I love you’ were from him, too. She hadn’t seen Clay at all this morning, but when she’d returned from lunch, the note on her desk read ‘Marry me.’ As she slipped into the warm bath water, she remembered her conversation on Tuesday with Clay after his return from Harm’s office.

***Flashback***

Clayton entered her office with a smug look on his face, though he’d been using it as he pleased since he’d arrived. “I delivered the report as you requested.”

“Thank you, Clay.”

“I also told him something that I haven’t told you yet. I knew the moment I saw you that I was still in love with you. Sarah, I need a woman like you. I told him and now I’m telling you that I want you back. He’ll never appreciate you the way I do. He’ll always be oblivious to -”

She cut him off. “You don’t know him as well as you think you do.”

“Just because he bedded you over the weekend doesn’t mean that you know him all that well, either, or that he’s the man for you. That’s why I had to tell him that we're going to get back together.”

“You think you’re the man for me when you apparently had me followed? Or is it because you told him that we were getting back together without bothering to talk to me first?” She was angry.

His eyes were pleading, and he reached for her hand. “We’re good together, Sarah. I love you. We’ll have a wonderful life.”

***End Flashback***

Sitting in her warm bath with a clear mind, she was curious about why she’d asked the next question. Was it because she was entertaining the idea of reuniting with him or was she asking simply as a means of comparing the two men by way of using an identical problem? However, in the moment on Tuesday, the question had just come out without thought.

***Continue Flashback***

“Clay, do you want children?” she asked softly.

“No. I’ve never had the urge to have one, but if you want one, we can.”

Sarcastically, she said, “The odds that you’ll be struck by lightning are probably better than I have of getting pregnant.”

“Then I don’t see a problem. You can’t have one and I don’t want one. I’ll be happy with it just being the two of us. It doesn’t matter to me that you can’t have a baby.” He was reaching for her arm to bring her into an embrace, but another agent entered the office and told Clay that the CIA director was on the phone for him in Major Johnson’s office.

Mac watched him walk out the door while his words echoed in her head. ‘No, but it matters to me.’

***End Flashback***

She stood toweling herself off and thought about how much different Harm’s reaction to her baby news had been. She also thought about her visit with Harm this morning.

Harm had said that he wanted her, but he'd also said that he wanted her to be happy. It was her choice. His only request was for her to be sure. Was she unsure of what she wanted or was she just so tired of being alone that she wanted to keep one on the back burner? The reality of the situation was that she had two very different men who loved her - they'd both expressed that fact. Both were good men, and she loved them both for different reasons, but which one was she in love with and would be happy with? As she slipped into her dress, she wanted this party, this assignment to be over so that she could focus on what she wanted.

*************

Clayton Webb paced the office currently used by Lt. Colonel MacKenzie. Tonight, this same office would serve as the hub for the security team. The last communication on Sunday from the female informant had said that the attempt on the Ambassador’s life would be made during the party this evening.

Since their conversation on Tuesday after his return from Harm’s office, he hadn’t had any time with Sarah. He’d given her daily reminders of his love with flowers and notes, but they hadn’t been able to talk. After his security mission was completed tonight, he’d be ordered to move to the next place or recalled to Washington, so, this morning, his note had said ‘marry me.’ Tonight, amid his job responsibilities, he'd need to find out Sarah’s answer.

************

Harm had wanted to leave the office early today, but a few last minute items had kept him in the office later than he’d planned. After stopping by the jewelry store, he’d finally made it home to get ready for the party. After showering and shaving for the second time today, he'd moved around unpacked boxes while getting into his dress mess uniform. As he waited for his ride to arrive, he made note that unpacking needed to be a top priority this weekend. Also occurring to him was that, if he could put aside his concerns about his relationship with Mac, the week had gone well. He’d gotten a place to live and sent documentation of it to the court in Virginia in his quest for custody of Mattie, and his household goods, along with the four-poster bed that Mac had been dreamy-eyed over, had been delivered yesterday. After the deliveries had been made, he’d been tired, and had opted for calling it a night and sleeping on the couch.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN – Embassy Party

Harm hadn’t seen Mac, but he’d found the bar and was indulging in a bourbon while making polite conversation with the Defense Minister of some place or other when he felt Mac’s presence. He instinctively turned in the correct direction and saw her dancing. His eyes took in the view of her in the black strapless dress, but, to his dismay, her dance partner was Clayton Webb. Harm couldn’t breathe. Then he saw the terrace doors, and they were the closest way out. He needed some air.

Mac was dancing with Clay and he was whispering, “I’ve got to finish with this party, but I left you a note this today. Please meet me on the terrace after the party. I want to know your answer.” She felt Harm’s presence and saw Harm going out on the terrace. She thanked Clay for the dance, said that she’d talk to him later and left to follow Harm. If she’d known that Harm was coming, she wouldn’t have danced with Clay. On the terrace, Harm was staring out into the darkness. “I didn’t know that you were invited.”

“You mean Webb didn’t mention it. I know that I don’t usually come up in conversation between the two of you.” He was instantly sorry for his words and tone. Between Webb saying that he wanted her back and seeing her dancing with him, the memories of all the hurt came rushing back. She knew that it was Harm’s jealousy talking and made no comment, but he couldn’t let it go. He dropped his head and looked down. “I’m sorry, Mac. I was invited by Colonel Bridges during my first week here, after a meeting about one of his Marines, but since he isn’t here, I should go. I thought I could do this, but I’m not ready to see you with him.” His eyes moistened with unshed tears.

“Harm…” The sound of the terrace doors opening caused their contact and conversation to stop.

A very attractive twenty-three old woman with blonde hair, long legs, and great curves stepped out onto the terrace. “I didn’t think anyone would be out here with the dancing inside. I needed some air. It can get stuffy inside some times.”

Mac had met the Ambassador’s wife yesterday. “Yes, ma’am, it can get stuffy and too noisy to hear. This is Captain Rabb, Force Judge Advocate for Naval Forces Europe. He and I served together for a number of years. We were catching up, but it was hard to hear inside.”

“Captain Rabb, it's a pleasure to meet you. You're certainly a taller, more handsome man than your predecessor. I’ve heard Colonel Bridges speak of you - something about how a Navy man who plays golf, likes bourbon and a good cigar can’t be all bad.”

Mac internally fumed at the woman’s interruption and blatant flirting with her man, but Mac kept her wits, and her exterior showed no signs of the fury inside. “Captain Rabb, this is Mrs. Mathers, the US Ambassador’s wife.”

“It is nice to meet you, Mrs. -”

She cut him off. “Call me Penny. Tell me, Captain, did you bring anyone to the party?”

“No ma’am.”

Penny’s face lit with delight and she reached for Harm’s arm. “Then you must dance with me.” She slipped her arm around one of his and practically attached herself to his side.

It was all Mac could do to talk calmly. “Perhaps we can talk again later, Captain.”

“I hope so. I’ll be looking for you.” Harm wasn’t thrilled with entertaining the Ambassador’s wife, but he really didn’t want to hear Mac tell him that she’d chosen Webb, either. He made a mental note that, unless he was ordered to the next one, he wasn’t coming to another Embassy party.

Mac was on the hunt for Clayton Webb. When she glanced towards the dancers, it took only seconds to spot her handsome sailor on the dance floor, but no Clay. Mac watched as Harm would take a step back and then that twenty-something-trophy-wife of the Ambassador’s would take two steps forward, moving closer to Harm with every step. As the notes to the next song started to play, Mac forced herself to resume her mission. If Clayton Webb wasn’t in here, he was in her office where he’d set up his command center for tonight’s party. Mac got her bearings. Coming from this end of the building, she had to pa