Subject: Fate Decides Our Future
Author: FananicFan
Disclaimer: JAG and its characters are the property of Belisarius Productions, CBS and Paramount. No copyright infringement intended. Original characters, story ideas and story are the property of this author.
Author’s Note: I’m of the belief that whether we liked the story lines or not, they happened and we’re stuck with it so reference from any of the ten seasons is possible. I reserve the right to believe whatever I want to have happened at the end of a scene or episode happened, even though we didn’t see it, therefore, a flashback to a ‘scene added by me’ is possible.
Story Timing: I know we watched the season finale at the end of April, but I have set this story in the last few days of March. This time frame works for other stories I hope to do in the future. The timing is also plausible, for example: outside the building when Harm is talking to Sturgis, Harm is wearing his leather jacket and the time frame works for that kind of weather in the DC area.
Story Summary: Harm reflects back and we fill in some blanks. We find out how they decided to toss a coin and we learn how the coin landed.

UPDATE: I have not changed the direction of the story from the originally posted story; however, a very big ‘thank you’ goes out to Lee for enhancing the story with a word or line change here and there that made the story flow much better and made it easier to follow.

And last, but certainly not least, a big ‘THANK YOU’ to Cece for archiving my story.

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Story One
Prologue

Mattie had come out of the coma four weeks ago. She’d regained sensation in her arms within the first few days, and by the end of the first week, she was able to scratch her nose. By the end of the second week, she’d begun to have sensation in her legs. The doctors were sure that, in time and with the right therapy, she’d walk again. The doctors felt that a 95% recovery was probable, a 98% was great, but a 100%, though possible, wasn't likely. Only time would tell if Mattie were going to have limitations or how severe her limitations would be. Five days ago Mattie had been moved to a residential rehabilitation hospital near Arlington. At the residential facility, she had a physical therapist, a counselor for the emotional needs of recovery, and a tutor to catch her up on her schoolwork. With her move to Arlington, Harm was able to work, keep up his daily visits with her, and get a few hours of sleep each night.

CHAPTER ONE - Harm Reflects

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

He arrived earlier than usual for his visit with Mattie and was waiting for her to return from physical therapy. Alone in Mattie’s room, he sat quietly and began to reflect on today’s unexpected news. He knew that he should be elated by the achievement. However, personal concerns stifled his enthusiasm. He had concerns about Mattie, but he had a plan of action already in motion for that. The fact that he and Mac were being transferred to duty stations thousands of miles apart without a plan weighed heavier on his mind at the moment.

As if the past would provide answers, his mind drifted back, not to the beginning, but back about two years.

About two years ago…he hadn’t shared his suspicions with Mac because he thought that it was Lt. Singer’s right not to disclose the father’s identity. Besides, he'd had no proof, so Mac’s investigation might have been tainted by his speculation. In a cell accused of Singer’s murder, he'd had a lot of time alone and had spent a great deal of it thinking. He'd realized that he’d become too involved in Singer’s situation, but he'd believed that she was carrying his niece or nephew. Remembering how willing he’d been to raise the child as his own had led him to think about fatherhood. It wasn’t a new thought, just one that had always seemed to be for a time in the future.

When cleared of the charges and released, he knew that he needed to decide if he was ready or just having a knee jerk reaction to his recent situation. He owed it to Mac and their child to be one hundred percent sure. Neither of them were currently in a relationship, so he had time to settle back into life without bars and deliberate on the subject before talking to Mac, but with a year or so left until the deadline of the ‘baby deal,’ maybe it was time to start planning.

He’d been playing his guitar and thinking about Mac when she knocked on his door. She entered saying that she’d come by to check on him, and began removing her coat. He hadn’t had time to reach any conclusions about his readiness for fatherhood, but with her here, he wondered if he should talk to her about it, even if only in general terms, like did she still want a baby. When she turned to face him, whatever he was going to say was forgotten because seeing her pregnant rocked him.

He moved closer as they talked. When he was close enough, his hand splayed over her round belly. He couldn’t explain it, but it didn’t feel right. A feeling of relief washed over him when she confirmed that it wasn’t real, but part of a cover story. A bolt of fear shot through him when she told him of the mission taking her to Paraguay that night. He asked her not to go, but wasn’t surprised when she left. She was a woman of her word, and she’d agreed to go. She also had no way of knowing what weighed on his mind and what a big part of it she was. In the days that followed, he’d lose count of the number of times that he’d wonder if there'd been something that he could have said or done that would have kept her from going.

A few days after her departure, the feeling of fear returned, but this time it didn’t come in a bolt. It was a nagging feeling of doom. He was able to push the feeling aside by day, but at night, it couldn’t be kept at bay. When he fell asleep, the nightmares would begin, nightmares of Mac being killed, and he’d wake up and be unable to sleep any more.

When he'd found out that Mac was missing, he'd thought of nothing but bringing her home. After the admiral had denied him permission to go after her, he'd just blurted out “then I quit.” In his office, preparing his resignation, he'd finally had to admit it if only to himself. He not only loved her, but he was in love with her. He was in love with her, and it wasn’t something that had just happened. The luxury of time to figure out when he’d fallen in love or for how long he’d felt this way wasn't his at the moment. He needed to get to her and get her home alive.

He arrived, as they say in the movies, ‘in the nick of time,’ but seeing her shackled to a table so that she could be tortured made him sick to his stomach. With her lying there defenseless, it made shooting the man in the room easy, although not pleasant or enjoyable. As he removed the shackles from her wrists and ankles, his body filled with rage. His rage was fueled by his anger with her for going, anger with himself for not convincing her not to go and, most of all, anger with Webb for involving her in his assignment in the first place.

Later, at the hotel while she bathed, he sat on the bed, his head reeling from recent events: his resignation, his realization of being in love with her, his “wedding,” seeing Mac on that table, the bloodshed, and witnessing her kissing Webb. How could she kiss the man who'd almost gotten her killed? Those thoughts were with him when he entered the bathroom to warn her that they had company. He looked at her in the bathtub and couldn’t look away because he couldn’t believe it…he’d actually forgotten how beautiful she was.

Later that night, a pleasant conversation between them was interrupted by the arrival of Gunny and Webb. Webb’s remarks about the room being his and Sarah’s honeymoon room got to him. After getting a second room, they'd tried to talk again, but he let the images in his head and his emotions cause him to be evasive or caustic with his answers. Talking was equal to fighting, so he asked to table the conversation. He felt that, if they tabled the talk until they were back in Washington settled into their routines, cooler heads would prevail, and he’d win her forgiveness for words that he’d spoken in anger or jealousy. She changed his thinking and shook him to the core the night they were leaving Paraguay with one word, “never.”

When they returned to Washington, the admiral informed him that he was out of the Navy. Without JAG, the Navy, or Mac, he was lost. He didn’t want the job with the CIA, but he had nothing else, so why not? They wanted him.

He'd heard rumors around the CIA during his months there that Webb was serious about a woman with whom he’d recently worked. Having witnessed some of the interaction between Mac and Webb himself, in Webb’s hospital room for example, he felt certain that Webb would or had won Mac over. The rumors may have been more speculation than fact, but he felt sure that there was more truth in the rumors than he was comfortable with.

Mac called him during his stint with the CIA, and he’d listened to all her messages, but didn’t respond to any of them. He feared that speaking to her would spark the anger and jealousy that he felt and make matters worse. In what equated to the blink of an eye to him, he’d gone from wanting a baby with her, to knowing that he loved her, to having nothing, and he needed time to sort through things before speaking with her.

When Harm became unemployed again, he felt alone, and being in an empty apartment made him feel not only alone, but lonely, and he wanted a family more than ever.

One evening, Mac brought some files by for him to look over - old cases involving Commander Carolyn Imes. He didn’t know if it was the sight of Mac or the fact that she didn’t deny a relationship with Webb that ignited his anger, but either way, he hadn’t been very nice to her. It was that same night when Mac was still at his apartment that Catherine Gale reappeared in his life. Catherine mentioned Mac’s ‘get away from my man look,’ but he didn’t acknowledge her comment in any way.

When Mac didn’t deny a relationship with Webb, he knew that his chance with her was gone. Having seen Mac, he knew that he wasn’t over her, but she was apparently over him, and he needed to move on. Catherine was an intelligent and attractive woman, and she was pregnant. A relationship with her would give him the family that he wanted.

His life was a mess, and he needed to clear his head. He got on his newly acquired motorcycle and set out for the airfield in Blacksburg where he stored Sarah, his vintage plane. He thought, 'Just great! I might have to change the name of my plane if I can’t get over her. I named the plane after my grandmother, but with my current heartache over another Sarah...of course, I usually call one of them Mac. Maybe I can keep my Sarahs separate. Sure I can. That’s why I’m having this conversation with myself right now about it.'

The motorcycle ride was freeing to his spirit and served to lighten his mood. He was sure that, after a tune up on his vintage plane, a flight where he could be in control would clear his head. He made it to the airfield, but didn’t take to the skies. He met a teenage girl named Mattie, and took a job crop dusting.

During dinner with Catherine, he asked her about them trying a relationship. He should’ve realized that Catherine wouldn’t be so easily charmed into a relationship with him. She was a good attorney, and she knew that his lack of comment about Mac’s look inferred at a minimum that there was unfinished business between them. Catherine was also aware of what he’d given up to go after Mac in Paraguay. The memory of that evening caused him to chuckle in the present while lost in his thoughts. He hadn’t liked being turned down that night, but now he was glad. The odds that he’d have taken guardianship of Mattie or be this close to Mac again would’ve been slim if Catherine had said yes that evening.

It wasn’t long after his crop dusting job began that the chance to return to the Navy became an option. He knew that he wanted to go back as soon as the option had been mentioned. He wasn’t sure that going back was a good idea, but he missed it. He was also caught off guard by two things as he reviewed his options: he didn’t want to leave Mattie and he wasn’t sure that he could face Mac. He might have been resistant to believe in a bond that had formed so quickly between him and Mattie, but it had happened to him once before, with Mac. He decided that he was going back to the Navy, that he was going to file a petition to become Mattie’s legal guardian, and that he was going to face Mac.

Back at JAG Headquarters, he got Sturgis’ old office, the remodeled supply closet, out of sight and away from the action of the bullpen. Harriet and Bud seemed happy to have him back, but stayed at arm’s length. He'd quickly learn that the admiral had warned them not to be too helpful or supportive. He'd have to earn his spot at JAG all over again. Sturgis seemed disturbed and angry, but it didn’t seem to be anger at him. Mac was supportive of his return, and they established a working relationship with relative ease. However, their friendship was another story.

After several weeks, he settled into a routine. During this transition time, he saw Mac around the office, and he came to realize that the anger that he'd felt around or towards her wasn’t really anger at all, but pain from the loss of the one person whom he'd never wanted to lose. Their friendship remained strained, but seemed to get better each day as long as Webb’s name didn’t come up. The mention of that man’s name and he’d get snide. Keeping his feelings in check was hard, but he knew that he had to do it or he’d lose Mac for good.

Christmastime 2003, he went to see Mac. He wanted her to vouch for him as a family man. He wasn’t surprised that they ended up in a fight, but he was surprised when she showed up to testify on his behalf. During her statement, Mac became emotional when speaking about the kind of man that she’d want to father her child and how he was that kind of man. His chest tightened at the thought. Was there still a possibility? He found, though the current state of their relationship was fragile, that he was able to easily envision them with a baby.

At The Wall on Christmas Eve, the possibility of a baby seemed less likely. She’d spoken to Mattie’s father and brought Mattie to him, but left for a date with Webb. Oh, how he’d wanted her to stay.

After Mac dealt with Sadik on her own, she was angry all the time. At first he thought that she was angry with him for not going with her. She’d been the one to tell him not to go because he was a liability, and she'd been right. He hadn’t recovered completely from the affects of the explosion. Maybe she was angry with him for being hurt and not able to go with her. However, when she was confrontational with the admiral, he knew that Mac was just angry in general. He wanted to help, but whether he liked it or not, Mac was involved with someone. He needed to let her relationship with Webb take its course without interference from him. It wasn’t his place to go to her, but if she came to him…that was a different story. He’d welcome her without hesitation. She deserved to be happy, and he wanted that for her even if it meant that he’d be without her.

The admiral’s Dining Out was held the week of the deadline on their baby deal. With Webb’s recent death, he knew that it was bad timing, but when the discussion went in a direction that allowed him to bring up the subject; he felt that he had to take it. He didn’t know how bad his timing truly was until she confided in him about what the doctor had told her and why she’d had a medical procedure earlier in the day. As she spoke, he was filled with sadness. He was feeling the loss of the child that he wanted with her. He couldn’t imagine how she must be feeling if he was upset by the news. He knew that she needed time to deal with her grief, but he wanted her to know that he wanted to be a part of her life and that her news really didn’t change what he wanted with her. It was only changing how it happened. It wasn’t the right time to tell her that he loved her and that’s why he could be certain that the how didn’t matter.

Harm researched Mac’s condition and the possibilities. The information that he’d gathered gave him hope that it might still be possible for her to conceive or, at least, carry a child. He tried to share the information with her, but she wasn’t ready, and he didn’t want to push. She said, “Let me come to you.” He’d just have to wait.

When Mac thought that Webb was still alive, he could see the whirlpool of emotions in her eyes. He tried to get her to talk to him about what she’d do if she found Webb alive, but it was more than she was willing to talk about. He tried to get her to talk to him after they found Webb, but she declined the offer. He told her that she knew where to find him when she was ready.

Christmas Eve 2004, he was on his way out of his office when the phone rang. He considered not answering it. It was Christmas Eve after all. When the paramedic on the other end told him of Mac’s car accident, his whole body tensed up. He raced to the hospital with his heart in his throat. To say that he was relieved when the doctor told them that she was going to be fine would be an understatement. He spent the night with her at the hospital, and she apologized for pushing him away. Maybe it was her brush with death, the spirit of the season, or his affirmation that he was still here for her, but something happened between them that night that gave him a renewed feeling of hope. In the weeks that followed her accident, they became more and more relaxed with each other. The old banter seemed to be returning and things between them were definitely better in general. The bond between them hadn't been broken...bruised, but not broken. He knew that they needed to reestablish the closeness that they’d once shared and allow any other relationship to blossom from that.

The rebuilding of his relationship with Mac went off course with Mattie’s accident. Mac was in San Diego on business when Mattie’s accident occurred. He called her, but she was busy. His protective barriers were in place when she returned his call and, with the news on Mattie being bleak, he didn’t want to talk about it.

When Mac came to the hospital to check on him and Mattie, he was glad to see her and grateful for her concern. He answered her questions, but he couldn’t open up to her. When her hand eased over his shoulder in an attempt to comfort him, he had to tell her no. Her words, “let me know when you need me” echoed in his head as she walked away. He wished that she understood that he did need her, but if he allowed her in now, he feared that she’d walk away when she felt that she was no longer needed. He wanted so much more from her than comfort in a moment of crisis, but would she believe him if he let her in now? He didn’t have time for these speculations. He needed to focus on Mattie's needs. And Mac, through no fault of her making, was a distraction to that.

Mattie was in a coma with no sign of waking up, so he returned to work. He was working as prosecution on a case against the opposing counsel of Bud and Mac. He worked up the nerve to go ask Mac to grab some lunch with him, but Mac said that she and Bud had already ordered in. Mac asked him to join them, but he wasn’t in a threesome mood. He just wanted to be near Mac. Bud showed up, and he made an attempt to cover his lunch invitation by saying that he'd only wanted to know if their client was willing to take a deal. He knew that Mac, at least, sensed something else, but with Bud present, she didn’t call him on it, and he didn’t volunteer any information. He went back to his office, hoping that maybe they could have dinner when Mattie was better, and he’d be able to explain things to her then.

Mattie was still in the coma, and commuting everyday to see her after work was exhausting him. Mac caught him asleep in his office and voiced her concern for him. When she’d come in later, she'd thought that he was asleep, but he wasn’t, and she'd voiced her concern again. She'd said that he needed to let someone in, even if it wasn’t her. Of course, he wanted it to be her. Why was it that when an opportunity arose to talk to her, the timing was always wrong? He saw the hurt in her eyes when she said, “When I needed support, you were there and I pushed you away, so I suppose I deserve this.” His response was, “I’m not pushing you away, Mac. This isn’t about payback.” He didn’t think that she believed him because he could see the pain in her eyes as she spoke. “Harm, you can’t keep going on like this. You have to let someone in. Not me, fine! But someone.” The hurt was still visible to him in her eyes when she said, “Say hi to Mattie for me.”

He made a mental note: to the list of worried, tired and stressed, add crazy. The woman wants to go see Mattie with you, be there for you. She’s trying, and you’re telling her no. He didn’t want to ruin the progress that they’d made since Christmas and cause a set back in their renewed friendship. He wished that he had a magic wand. He’d make Mattie better, and wave it over Mac so that she’d understand his reasons for keeping her at a distance.

Mattie came out of the coma and, with the fear of Mattie never waking up removed from his thoughts, he started to relax some. He was still commuting daily, and being exhausted was now a way of life. Mattie gained some sensation, and things were looking up, so on the second Thursday after Mattie woke up, he asked Mac to ride with him to Blacksburg to visit Mattie. He asked Mac to accompany him the next two Thursdays as well.

Five days ago, when Mattie was moved to a rehabilitation hospital, he'd planned on making that ‘explaining dinner’ with Mac happen soon, but General Cresswell’s bombshell today had changed things. They had only three days left together in the same country. He’d told Mac today in her office that they had things to discuss other than staffing issues, but she hadn’t seemed to catch his inference.

Back to the Present…Mattie came into the room, disrupting his thoughts. They talked about how her therapy went. He started talking about legal stuff, but Mattie could tell that that wasn’t what he’d been so deep in thought about when she'd entered the room. It didn’t take Mattie long to zero in on what he’d been dwelling on while she was out.

Mattie asked, “Have you said goodbye to Mac? Are you going to tell her that you love her?”

His reply was soft and only slightly above a whisper in volume. “No, and I don’t know if I can.”

“You need to tell her, Harm. She loves you, too, you know.”

“She does, huh, and how would you know that? Never mind. I don’t want to talk about this right now.”

That was the only exchange on the topic between the two. The rest of his visit was more legal discussion about the update that he’d submitted to the court, informing them of his change in duty station and his promotion. His promotion meant more pay and less travel, so it should help tilt the scale in his favor. He’d also submitted a request for immediate temporary custody so that they could travel together. He was honest with her in that it was unlikely that temporary custody would be granted, and he explained the legal reasons why he felt that the court would rule that way.

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

He went to see Mattie after leaving the office. The temporary custody request had been denied. The court cited Mattie’s medical needs as the primary reason. They’d discussed it yesterday, and though neither one of them liked the decision, both had been prepared for it and understood the court’s concerns. He tried to reassure her that, even though they weren’t leaving together, he was only a phone call or an email away until she was able to join him.

After leaving the hospital, he went to Mac’s apartment, hoping for an opening in the conversation to discuss the ‘us’ topic. He left her apartment having talked about subleasing, Mattie, JAG staff, transfer of his caseload, and little else.

After leaving Mac’s apartment, he thought through the subject of their separation at great length. All those months ago, he’d agreed to let her come to him when she was ready. Even if this was to be the last time that he ever saw her, he couldn’t push her into a conversation that she wasn’t ready for, no matter what he wanted. He also knew that he couldn’t say goodbye. What was he going to do? What could he do?

CHAPTER TWO - 24 Hours and Counting

Thursday, March 31, 2005

Harm started this day like many others, with a morning run. After returning from his run, he dressed in civilian clothes to go take one last look around the office to make sure that he’d gotten everything before going to see Mattie. Okay, okay, he was really going to see if Mac was there so he could attempt one more shot at having the talk. He entered the JAG building at exactly 0800. He’d be on a flight departing for London at this time tomorrow.

The colonel’s office door was open, and the room was lit with sunlight from the window. No clutter on her desk meant that she was already gone.

Harm entered his old office and made a quick inspection. When Bud saw the light come on in his mentor’s office, he crossed the bullpen and the two men came face to face outside the door as Harm was exiting. During their brief discussion, Bud confirmed that she had picked up the last of her things a few minutes ago. Harm hadn’t missed her by more than ten minutes. Harm had a feeling that Bud knew that he’d come to see Mac, but he made an attempt to cover anyway. “That’s why I came by. One last sweep to make sure I got everything.” Bud’s parting comment was, “I’m sure you’ll see the colonel at the reception this evening.” Harm shook his head. It was hard for him to fool Bud.

After the office, Harm went to see Mattie. He’d be at Andrews so early tomorrow that this was his last chance to see Mattie before his flight. He stayed with Mattie until he had to leave to get ready for the reception. His stomach knotted up when Mattie handed him a piece of paper. Her penmanship wasn’t up to par, but the words were legible. ‘Fair winds and following seas.’

Mattie asked, “It’s what you wrote to me when I was leaving, right?” He nodded, indicating that she was correct, and inhaled deeply to keep it together. He brought her into a hug and leaned down to kiss the top of her head before telling her that Bud was handling the legal stuff about her custody and not to worry. “I have to go, but I’m not leaving you, understand?” he said. Mattie held in her tears and nodded against his chest that she understood.

As he was walking out the door, it was Mattie who got in the last word. “Harm, remember, when dads travel, they’re suppose to bring presents with them when they come back.” They both laughed. He left the hospital even more determined to get custody. When the door closed behind him, Mattie’s tears rolled silently down her cheeks.

His frocking ceremony was to be held prior to the reception so he was to be in uniform, while others were given the option of military or civilian attire. Even though Mac was a guest of honor at the reception, she wasn’t being promoted so the general allowed her the option of attire also.

Harm pulled out his dress mess uniform and checked it over to make sure that everything was just right before he showered and shaved. He hadn’t wanted all this hoopla, but General Cresswell had been insistent. The general had said, “Rabb, this is yours and the colonel’s first command. You need to celebrate it like a marriage or the birth of a child because, just like with either of those events, your life is never going to be the same. Remember, Captain, no decision that you make from here on affects only you.”

The reception with a buffet dinner immediately followed the frocking ceremony, and the two guests of honor were present. Though Mac’s command position didn’t come with a promotion, Harm was sure that her advancement wasn't far off.

He and Mac were good at mingling with the crowd and beginning a network of contacts that might prove useful to their new positions. Even if his back was turned, he could feel her energy when she was close enough for him to establish a visual of her, and he’d turn to look at her. He’d always found her attractive, but tonight he was etching every detail of her into his mind so that he’d be able to conjure up a vision of her in the future by just closing his eyes. Mac had opted for civilian attire, and the way her red dress clung to her curves and the slit exposed her leg as she walked, he needed a cold shower. Once, while shaking hands with someone, he caught himself daydreaming about her and he didn’t have a clue what the man had just said to him.

Later, while daydreaming about her again, a flash of leg caught his eye. He’d been checking that leg out often tonight, and he knew that it was Mac’s and that she was heading his way. When Mac got close enough, she extended her hand.

“Congratulations, Captain.”

He didn’t hesitate to reach for her hand like he’d done the first time they'd met. “Thank you and congratulations to you as well, Colonel, though I must say you don’t look very military in that dress.”

“Thank you, for both the congratulations and the compliment. Should I be wishing you good luck or should I save it for your staff?” She giggled.

He smiled. “Good luck to you as well.” He noticed that she looked like she's going to cry.

“It's going to be strange not seeing that smile of yours.”

He’s thinking, no tears. I won’t be able to handle you crying. “I could say the same thing about yours.”

A soft smile graced her face. “Send me an e-mail once in awhile. You know, let me know what’s going on in your life.”

“I’ll do that, if you keep me up on your life, too. You know…let me know when you get that full bird.”

“If I’m ever in London, I’ll call.”

“You'd better.” He had butterflies in his stomach like a teenage boy trying to ask the most popular girl in school out on a date. He was unable to look her in the eye. “When I go out to visit my mom next time, I’ll call. Maybe we could go to lunch?”

She didn’t detect his uneasiness mostly because the grip that she’d had on her own emotions was starting to give. “You can call anytime.”

They made eye contact that turned into an intense gaze. Both knew that it was time to say goodbye, but neither of them could say it. The star-crossed gaze was broken by General Cresswell’s voice. “Captain Rabb, I’ve been looking for you. I have someone who’d like to meet you.”

They nodded at each other in understanding that duty called. Secretly, both were relieved that their conversation had been interrupted so that they didn’t have to say goodbye.

“I didn’t mean to keep you. I just wanted to wish you luck and tell you to take care of yourself.”

“Thank you, and the same to you,” Harm said before turning to follow the general.

Senator Emily Proxmeyer was who wanted to meet him. After being introduced to the Senator, the three of them stood, holding a polite round of small talk that lasted less than ten minutes before the Senator’s aide approached, reminding her of another engagement that she had to attend this evening. The Senator said her goodnights and left with her aide at her side. While watching the Senator walk away, the general inquired if Harm had finished packing. When Harm said that he still had a few things left, General Cresswell suggested that he make one last round through the attendees to say his goodbyes and go get to it. Harm left the general and began to search for Mac.

After ten minutes of roaming through the crowd, he saw Bud. Bud informed him that Mac had left more than thirty minutes ago. With Mac gone, it was time for him to leave as well. He had nothing else to accomplish here. Harm wished that Bud had Mac’s sense of time because he’d been talking to Mac less than thirty minutes ago. He concluded that she must have left right after they’d spoken.

He made his way to the military car that he’d been using since putting his ‘Vette in storage. He’d been told that it would be better to store a classic like her for overseas duty than to take it with him. His thoughts during the drive to his apartment were about Mac. Had she left after their talk because she hadn’t wanted to say goodbye either? Or was the good luck line still the equivalent of goodbye for them? Should he go by her apartment? Remembering the pain of finding out the true fate of his father made him think twice about wanting to know the whole truth this time. If he found out that it was really goodbye, could he handle it? If he went to London not certain, would the possibility that Mac would someday appear at his door keep him from moving forward?

The memory of the night that he’d been having dinner with Professor Alicia Montes probably held the answer to the latter question. Alicia hadn’t been at his apartment long when there was a knock on the door. Harm opened the door to see Mac, looking tired, yet beautiful. Though Mac left when he went to check on dinner, he couldn’t get his mind off why she’d come to see him and back on his date with Alicia. Alicia picked up on his distraction and asked him about it during dinner. “How long has it been over between the two of you? His reply had been, “You don’t start something that you know won’t work.” He paused putting on a charming flyboy smile. “Saves you from a messy break up.” They finished dinner, keeping conversation to the normal ‘getting to know you’ topics. When she was at the door saying her goodnights, she kissed him on the cheek. “You'd better call her to see what she wanted or you may not get any sleep.” His facial expression resembled that of small boy who’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. His reply to Alicia had been, “I’m sure that whatever she wanted will keep until morning.”

Alicia was gone and he was doing clean up. He wasn’t thinking about how his date had gone, he was thinking about Mac. What had she come to talk about? What if having dinner with someone whom he found interesting and attractive had cost him the woman with whom he knew that he was in love? He cautioned himself not to overreact. He tried to call Mac, but he got no answer at either her home or on her cell phone. He didn’t know what to say, so he left no messages. He'd talk to her at the office tomorrow.

Mac left the office early the next day and he didn’t get to speak to her. The following day, he did see her and asked why she’d come by. She said that she’d been out driving around and thought she'd stop by to talk, but there hadn’t been a particular subject on her mind. She apologized for interrupting his evening. He knew that she wasn’t telling him the complete truth. He wasn’t sure why she’d come by, but the moment was gone, and whatever it was, she wasn’t ready to talk about it now.

He started getting sent out of town more around that same time. He was in California then Florida, so there wasn’t much time for a social life. When he was in town, he spent time with Mattie. He didn’t call Alicia. She didn’t call him, and any potential relationship with Alicia simply faded away. Yes, not resolving the ‘us’ factor would probably keep him a single man for the rest of his life.

The evening of Mac and Mic’s engagement party passed through his mind next, and a smile spread across his face. They were saying goodbye to each other that night, and he’d kissed her. That’s what he should have done tonight, kissed her like that again. He shook the thought from his head. He'd told her no pressure. He'd told her to come to him when she was ready. If she’d been ready that night, months ago, he’d messed that up by having Alicia at his apartment. As he continued to drive towards his apartment to pack the last of his belongings, he told himself, “If it's meant to be, it'll happen. If it isn’t meant to be, I’ll know when the right woman comes along, and I’ll have no doubts.” He continued to repeat those words to himself over and over again.

CHAPTER THREE – If it is Meant to be, It will Happen

I’m packing the last of my things. The debate inside me over going to see Mac one last time or using the 6,000 miles to get over her is still raging inside me. Of course, my feelings haven’t waned over the years, which included the months when I returned to a fighter squadron with minimal contact and my months in the CIA without any contact with her at all.

I’m in the elevator of his building. Why am I here? We haven’t been able to have this talk in nine years,' she chastises herself. 'Why would tonight be any different? What am I hoping will come of this meeting? Can I say goodbye? I’m standing in his doorway and he hasn’t seen me yet. He seems to be a million miles away from the task of taping that box closed. I wonder what he’s thinking.

I'm silently repeating my new mantra: if it's meant to be, it'll happen. If it isn’t meant to be, I’ll know when the right woman comes along and I’ll have no doubts. I look up after taping a box closed to see Mac standing in the doorway. I’m surprised to see her and a simple “Hey” is all I can get out in greeting. Her reply of “Hey yourself” doesn’t give me much of a clue as to why she’s come.

I want to make it clear that we can’t table the ‘us’ discussion any longer, but I want to try to be subtle, so I inch the conversation forward. “There’s something so final about a packed suitcase.”

If I’m going to find out what’s on her mind, I need to play along. This chitchat about suitcases is a stall. Something's on her mind. I'd better say something. “Yeah, not to mention an entirely packed apartment. How about you, you packed?”

“Not completely.” 'He keeps moving. He’s across the room with another box. I need to get his attention. I need to just say it. I inhale deeply to gather my courage.' “Let’s talk about you and me.”

I take in a deep breath. Does she want me to say goodbye, because I can’t. “Mac, neither one of us…”

I cut him off. “Wants to be the first to say goodbye. Yeah, I know the song. We’ve been singing it for years.” Doesn’t he know how frustrating it is when he won’t just answer me directly? I say let’s talk about you and me, and he doesn’t say yes, no or even okay.

She’s got that right. I can’t say goodbye, but does she know why? “Mac, I don’t think that I’ll ever feel about anyone else the way that I feel about you.”

I’m stunned by his words and need to catch my breath. Does he know how that sounded? I’m sure that he didn’t mean it like that. “That’s very flattering. Once piece of advice – don’t share that with your wife, whoever she might be. She might not understand.”

How dumb does she think I am? I wouldn’t tell another woman because she’d understand just fine…understand that she was my second choice. I have a box in my hand and I want to throw it out of frustration. I’m about to pass by her with the box. I’ll see if I can clarify. “Do you understand?”

“Why we can’t make it work? Why we let fate decide our futures? No, I don’t.” 'Even I can hear the emotion in my voice.'

I understand her frustration, but doesn’t she realize that fate brought her here tonight? My nerves are frayed so I need to keep moving. What is it in particular that I need to do or say for her to understand? “Let me ask you a personal question.” She gives no objection so I continue. “Of all the men in your life, what was it about them that attracted you?”

He’s moving around like he’s nervous and can’t stay still. There's something on his mind. I’ll have to answer him if I’m going to find out what it is. I need to keep the answer simple so that I don’t have to face a cross-examination over my answer. “Well, they wanted me, and they let me know it.”

I’m taken aback by her answer. They wanted her, then what about me? I put down the box in my hands and turn towards her. I want to see her face. “I wanted you. You knew that.”

He’s finally stopped moving around and has come to sit right next to me. I can’t decide if it's the look on his face or the intensity of his eyes that have me suddenly feeling very uncomfortable. I came here to talk, so I need to follow through. “Harm, no woman wants to be a mind reader, and with you, there're always complications…" I take in a deep breath …"another woman, work, searching for your father.”

“That’s all past.”

“Is it?”

I take her hand in mine and look into her eyes. “Mac, we have twelve hours.”

I tilt my head down and look at my hand in his, then, I regain eye contact. “We’ve had nine years.”

I’m looking into her eyes and I’m lost. I can’t seem to think and it shows. “I guess maybe I just needed a deadline.” 'What kind of answer was that?' I chide myself.

“Well, you got one, sailor.”

Yes, I do have a deadline, so it's time to stop talking. I start moving towards her for a kiss, hoping that she'll respond. I close my eyes as our lips make contact. I feel her fingers touch my face, and I move my hand to her back in response.

I don’t know what I expected when I came here, but this kiss is certainly nice. My hands are on either side of his face, hoping to hold him in the kiss if only for a few seconds longer. His hand is on my back. I can feel the warmth from it through my top. I need to try to keep my wits about me. I don’t know what this means for us and I haven’t got time to speculate. I break the kiss. “What are you proposing?” My mind quickly decides that using the word ‘proposing’ probably wasn't the best choice, so I try to cover. “And that’s not a Freudian slip.”

I inhale and sit up a little straighter. My voice is low and I’m out of breath. “I’m proposing. Let’s get married.” Her lips immediately meet mine again.

I must have fallen asleep and I'm dreaming because this is too good. He said, “Let’s get married” and now we’re kissing.

I can’t believe that I just blurted out “let’s get married.” I really need to think before I speak, but being this close and kissing her feels so good that I’m not able to think. She’s breaking the kiss again. “In London?” she asks this time. She’s messing with the buttons of my shirt, and my brain wasn’t functioning in the first place. Why does Mac have to be different? Couldn’t she just say yes? Or is she letting me know that a condition of saying yes is the location? I shouldn’t be trying to think, just respond. “Yeah, London works for me.”

I listen for his response, but I’m distracted momentarily by the appearance of a t-shirt under the shirt that I’ve been unbuttoning. I deduce quickly that he must have just left it on when he changed after the reception, and I respond to his reply, not having let enough time elapse that he’d find anything strange in my behavior. “San Diego works for me.” My body slumps in reaction to what my mind has processed. The last few minutes have been wonderful, but they aren’t going to last.

I see her body slump in a sign of defeat. If I thought that saying goodbye was impossible before, it'll be at least twenty times that now that she’s been my ‘girl’ for even these few minutes. I need to say something. “This has always been the five-hundred pound gorilla in the room.” Where did that come from? My brain really needs to kick into gear and give me a plan before she slips away from me.

We were so close, but he’s slipping away. I’m sad, but I don’t want to cry. However, I feel tears forming. “If we get married, one of us has to give up their Navy careers.”

She looks like she’s going to cry and, to lighten the mood, I joke, “Well, we could wait until I retire.” Where’s the plan o’brain of mine? We’re so close. It can’t end like this.

'This is no time to joke, but if we don’t joke, I’ll cry, so why not?' “Yeah, what’s another decade or so? Huh?” The last couple of buttons on his shirt don’t seem to be buttoned. I could have him out of this shirt in no time.

Well, I got her to smile, though it didn’t last. She's looking at me. I’m not sure that my brain approves of what my mouth is saying, but it comes out anyway. “I love you, Mac.” She lets out a sigh. “But I don’t want to give up my Navy career and you don’t want to give up the Marine Corps.”

“So we’re right back where we started?” I can’t look at him or I’m going to cry. This can’t be the end, not like this. We were so close.

Fate brought her here, and she needs to know that there's a way for this to work out. “Do you believe in fate?”

“Well, it put us together, sort of.”

“Fate could keep us together forever.” My lips move towards hers, and her arms wrap around my neck. In turn, I wrap my arms around her. Her tongue slides between my lips, asking permission to enter, and I grant it eagerly. Our tongues begin to tangle with each other for the first time. I must be in some kind of alternate universe because this is too wonderful to be real. The need for air causes us to break the kiss. In a breathless voice I ask, “Don’t you think we should work out a few details?”

I begin tugging at his shirt. “We can talk later.” As the shirt leaves his shoulders, I wonder if this is real. Oh, if this is a dream, I don’t want to wake up. When I have his t-shirt stretched across his chest just under his arms, he grabs onto it and removes it himself. With his chest visible, my hand flattens against his toned muscles. The feel of his skin under my hand is stirring my long simmering desire for him. “I think we should go someplace more comfortable, or at least close the door, don’t you think?”

With that first kiss, I’d forgotten about the open door. I cross the room in short order to close and lock the door. I turn to return to her, and she meets me halfway, our arms go around each other, drawing the other in. The fabric of her top against me serves as a barrier to our skin touching. My hand breaches the edge of her top, allowing it to have direct contact with the skin on her back while I give her a tender kiss. The kiss wasn’t long, and once our lips have parted, I ease her top up slowly, giving her the opportunity to stop me, but she offers no resistance and her shirt is soon on the floor. I wrap my arms around her and pull her in close. With our skin touching, I hold onto her, content in the moment.

When our skin makes contact, it takes a moment for me to catch my breath. The physical closeness is making me feel lightheaded. I lean into him and enjoy the warmth of his skin against mine for a few moments before I decide that, though standing here is nice, we don’t have a lot of time. I reach for his hand and begin to move towards the bedroom.

My hand is in hers and she wants me to follow her. I hesitate because we have decisions to make. I don’t want her to think that I’m not interested in what she’s proposing, because I most certainly am, but I want so much more with her than an intimate encounter.

I stop and turn, pressing my body against his, waiting for why he's reluctant.

“We need to make some decisions, and we don’t have a lot of time.” I feel the heat of her body lift off my chest, and she resumes the journey to the bedroom.

I’m walking as I reply. “If we run out of time, we’ll decide by flipping a coin.”

As we approach the stairs, a thought strikes me. Who's going to be on top? Of course, that would apply to the situation literally, because I have no doubt about who's in control at the moment.

At the edge of the bed, we embrace each other and kiss passionately. As we kiss, I push him back until the back of his knees make contact with the edge of the bed. I pull away and motion for him to sit. He sits on the edge of the bed with his feet on the floor. I don’t want to seem too forward, but we have little time. Since he's said the words, I want him to know that I feel that the actions are long overdue. No woman wants to be a mind reader, and no woman needs nine years of foreplay. I focus my eyes on him as I slip out of my shoes and unzip my slacks. I study him watching me while I slide my slacks off my hips and down my legs until I can simply step out of them.

Without ever taking my eyes off her, I've managed to toe off my shoes and remove my socks. I watch her in awe as she undresses. I realize that I’m staring at her like I’ve never seen a woman in her bra and panties before, yet I can’t take my eyes off of her.

I gaze in wonder at the beauty of the woman in front of me. I watch as her breasts rise and fall with her breathing. I want to touch, hold, and love her, but I don’t want to rush. I don’t want either of us to look back on tonight with even a moment of regret.

He’s just looking at me. He hasn’t moved or said anything. I can’t take the silence. I’m a little confused and wonder if I should cover myself. “Is something wrong?”

I bring my hands up to rest one on each hip. “You’re even more beautiful than I imagined.” I pull her towards me, and we fall back onto the bed, our lips meeting as we fall. Her scantly covered body lying on top of me is sending electricity through me. My hands roam over her exposed skin as we kiss. My palms move up her body until they come to rest on the sides of her breasts, and I can feel the heat radiating off them even through her bra.

Our kisses become more passionate with a sense of hunger and urgency to them. His palms are resting against the sides of my breasts, and they're becoming hotter in anticipation of his direct touch. I push against his chest, bringing my upper body off his as I straddle him just above the waist.

My hands grasp her at the hips. I watch her slowly pull one bra strap off her shoulder and then the other, without giving me the slightest glimpse of what's to come. She places one arm across her chest, and the other goes behind her back.

I've reached around and unhooked my bra. The arm that I’ve strategically placed across myself is holding my bra in place. I look down into his eyes before allowing my arm to drop. My bra falls onto his chest.

I stare at her ample breasts while I brush her bra off my chest towards the floor. At first, I use my fingertips to move over the newly exposed flesh. I cup each breast tenderly before caressing it. Her breasts are firm, yet soft. I lift my back off the bed enough to meet her as I pull her towards me and begin to place kisses in the valley between her breasts. I roll her onto her back. Lying beside her, I first kiss her lips, then along her jaw line and back to her ear. I nibble at her earlobe before continuing. As I kiss my way down her neck, my hand begins to gently message a breast.

He’s placing kisses along the side of my breast and is working in towards the nipple. My breasts feel like fireballs as they anticipate his arrival. His lips are cool to their heat, and when he places the first kiss on my hardened nipple, the volcano of desire within me gives off its first display of the eruption to come, my body arches, pushing my breasts closer to his lips. When his tongue swirls around my nipple, I can’t stop the low moan that escapes from my lips.

My feeling of pleasure is becoming uncomfortable. My pants are too tight. The desire to be with her is becoming a need. I roll onto my back to free myself from my pants.

With him on his back, I begin a similar pattern to the one that he used on me. I kiss his lips before following his jaw line back to his ear. After taking a moment to nibble on his earlobe, I kiss down his neck. I kiss down his breastbone and manage to give him some relief by unfastening his pants. I kiss down his chest to his bellybutton before stopping to assist him in getting out of his jeans.

She's kissing her way up from my belly button, and now that I’m free of my pants, her body brushing against me is making my need stronger. She's worked back up to my lips and, when our lips meet, my hands run down the length of her body and I caress her six. The caress of her six, even through her silk panties, adds to my delight and longing. I roll so that her back is again on the bed. I kiss one breast, then the other. I kiss down between her breasts until I reach the edge of her panties. I kiss along the top edge of her panties from side to side before tucking an index finger into each side and sliding them down her legs. I’m up on my knees at her feet, and before me is a completely nude Sarah MacKenzie. She's the most exquisite woman that I’ve ever seen, and I can’t help but pause to look at her. I’m startled when she sits up and even more so when her fingers hook onto my boxers and pulls them down to the bend in my knees.

He’s begun to kiss his way back up from my bellybutton. He’s stopped at my breasts to give each one a few more kisses before continuing. I feel his body shudder under my touch, so I continue to run my fingers up and down his back.

My underwear is distractingly about my knees, and my leg movements have moved them down some, but not enough. I’ve kept my weight off of her thus far, so I opt to move to her side to remove my underwear. I roll onto my back, shifting my legs enough to lower the underwear down some more, and she sits up and finishes removing the unwanted garment for me and tosses them to the floor. With no remaining clothing left on us, she eases her body up along mine. With her body resting beside me, I think, ‘this is where this gets complicated.’ Do I assume that I’ll be on top and risk upsetting her? Or do I try to keep from exploding while I wait for her to make her move? She’s been leading us since she started unbuttoning my shirt, so I'd better let her lead. My mind has just decided my course of action when I feel her move.

I roll onto my back, grasping at his side, tugging on his body. He rolls with me part way and comes to rest against my side. He begins to kiss my neck, and I tug on him again. I feel the fire between my legs and I want him with an urgency that I’ve never experienced before.

If this were any other woman tugging at me, I’d already be on top of her, but it isn’t any other woman. It's Mac. I can’t take the chance of making a mistake. I push up onto my elbow and kiss her softly, and she tugs at me again. I start moving my hand up her side and I look down into her brown eyes. I swallow hard and say a silent prayer that my concerns are understood in my question. “Are you sure?” is how the question comes out. Yet, somehow, I’m sure that she understands, even though all she does is nod and parts her legs in invitation. I ease my body over hers, not letting any of my weight rest on her. I’m in position to enter her and, as my tip nears her entrance, I can feel the heat that she’s emitting. I pause at her opening, allowing my tip to become moist with her juices.

I take in a deep breath and begin to let it out slowly when I feel him enter me. His tip pushing through sends a pulse through my body the likes of which I've never felt before. His shaft pushes gently into me as his lips crash over my lips.

I’ve penetrated her, and her warm, moist walls have closed in on me. I pull back some before pushing back into her.

I can’t control my body. Our pace increases. Our breathing becomes more like panting. My body continues to writhe under him while I ride a wave of pure pleasure until I reach my release.

Her body has calmed. I can let go now. I pull a portion of myself out of her the way I’ve done a number of times already. I’m not able to stop the throaty groan that escapes from my mouth when I push myself back into her, my release accomplished with the motion.

CHAPTER FOUR – Planning

Harm was on his back with Mac snuggled up to his side, her head resting on his chest, his arm under her, resting his hand on her hip. They were lying entwined and content from their first union. Her fingertips were drawing odd shapes on his chest, and he began to stroke her arm in an effort to calm her finger movements as he kissed the top of her head.

She lifted her head and placed a sweet kiss on his lips before speaking. “I should be the one who resigns.”

“And how did you arrive at that conclusion?”

“You said yourself that you don’t want to give up the Navy.”

“I did say that I didn’t want to, but I didn’t say that I wouldn’t.”

“I suppose there is a subtle difference between the two counselor, but you left the Navy once and you came back because you weren’t happy. I should resign.”

“Perhaps that’s the reason why I should resign. I’ve been out of the Navy and I know that I’ll be okay without it. I left the Navy because the admiral wouldn’t let me go after you. I know that I’ll have days when I’ll miss it. However, unlike then, I’ll have you to remind me of why I’m out.”

“I left the Corps once, if you remember.”

“And you came back because you weren’t happy.” He paused. “We aren’t making any progress, are we?” She shook her head. “Look, we can each make valid arguments of why we should be the one to resign, but we don’t have the luxury of a lot of time to decide. If we both accept our new duty stations, it'll be months before we can even get together to talk about this. I’m sure that the answer is less complicated than we're trying to make it.”

She was trying to stay positive, but it didn’t sound like they were going to agree on anything and tomorrow they’d be separated. She tried not to convey the fear of this being over before it had began when she made a suggestion. “We could tell the general about us and let him decide which one of us should stay.” Harm’s words about fate echoed in her head. 'Fate could keep us together forever.' “Neither one of us would have to feel like we made the other give up something that they didn’t want to. I know it doesn’t seem like fate, but it could work.”

He looked down into her eyes and chuckled. “So you want to be able to blame the general.” Her lips formed into a warm smile. “A little while ago you were willing to flip a coin.” Her eyes widened.

“Flip a coin, that’s perfect. We both don’t want to leave the service, but we’re willing to…and I’d say that leaving this decision up to a coin toss qualifies as fate.” She paused. “But someone else should toss the coin, not one of us. Whoever it is should meet us somewhere.”

He nodded in agreement. “A coin toss at…McMurphy’s.” And in unison they said, “Bud.”

With the how and where decided, he was forced to release her long enough to get his phone. If they were going to make this happen tonight, they needed to get started. She lay quietly while he dialed Bud’s number. On the third ring, Bud answered.

B: “Roberts’ residence.”

H: “Bud, its Harm. I know it's getting late, but I need to ask you to do us a favor.”

B: “Us, sir?”

H: “The colonel and me.”

B: “For you two, sir, what can I do?”

H: “We need a third party to flip a coin. We’ve agreed to let the toss of the coin decide.”

B: “Decide what, sir?”

H: “We’re getting married, and the coin will decide which one of us is going to resign our commission.”

B: Did you say that you’re getting married, sir?” You could hear the surprise in his voice. “When you said ‘us’ sir, you said that you were talking about you and Colonel MacKenzie. Are you saying that the two of you are getting married?”

H: “Yes, Bud, that’s what I’m saying. Mac and I are getting married.”

Harriet must have been pretty close to the phone because Harm could hear every word that she and Bud exchanged, and he heard her shriek loud and clear when Bud repeated the big news. Harm answered Bud’s questions - they were really Harriet’s questions because Harm could hear each one being asked of Bud before Bud asked him. A time to meet at McMurphy’s and the details of Bud’s assignment were reviewed, and Bud offered his congratulations before the call ended.

During the dinner reception, Sturgis had mentioned that he’d have to work late everyday for at least a month to keep up with his new caseload, so Harm knew that he’d be able to reach him at the office. Harm was pleased when PO Coates answered the phone. This would reduce the number of calls that he’d have to make. Within a few minutes, he’d extended invitations to both of them and they’d been accepted. He’d also enlisted Jennifer’s help in getting General Cresswell to the party.

With the phone calls made, he reached for Mac, and they snuggled up to each other in a similar position to the one prior to the phone calls.

He glanced at her hand resting on his abdomen and rubbed his thumb across the back of her knuckles. “I don’t have a ring. Of course, it might be better this way. We can go together to pick out something that you like instead of me picking out something that you hate.”

“I’m sure that anything you picked would be fine, but we can negotiate the ring later. Right now, we need to have an idea of what to do once that coin lands.” She wasn’t sure why the ring discussion had made her feel uneasy, but it had, and she wanted to change the subject.

They discussed the two possible scenarios that could result from the coin toss. Harm would occasionally halt the discussion by giving her a gentle kiss. If he were going to San Diego, he’d wait until his release date or until Mattie was able to travel, then move to San Diego. If she were going to London, things would be more complicated. She’d sublet her apartment, for example, but they worked out a plan for that scenario as well. She was pleased with the progress that they’d made in their discussion, and surprised at the ease with which they’d been able to agree on things.

She moved to place a delicate kiss on his lips, but he pulled her into him, and the kiss became more when his tongue slipped passed her lips to tangle with hers. She was lost in his kiss until her internal clock sounded an alarm. She sprang up and jumped out of bed. “Oh, Harm. We don’t have time.” She was grabbing her clothing off the floor and trying to put them on.

He’d never seen her in this kind of frenzy before, and it was hard for him not to laugh. She didn’t tell him exactly how long they had left before their meeting at McMurphy’s, so he wondered if her internal clock was thrown off by their intimate activity. The cocky fighter jock that still lurked under the surface smirked at the thought that their encounter could have thrown off her internal clock.

She didn’t notice his smirk as she slipped on her pants. The Marine in her took back command from the frenzied woman. “I need to go to my place to shower, change, put a few things together, and I’ll meet you at McMurphy’s.” She paused. “What are you going to wear?”

“I hadn’t thought about it. I believe that the choices readily available are my Mess Dress uniform from earlier this evening, the outfit that you pulled off of me a little bit ago, or the uniform that I left out for tomorrow.”

“If we’re going to London, you’ll need the clean uniform for your flight, so don’t wear that. The shirt from the outfit earlier isn’t attractive, so go with the Mess Dress.”

“So you thought my shirt was ugly, huh. Well, if you’re commenting on my wardrobe, then I have something to say about yours.” He saw her stiffen, ready to fend off his attack of her wardrobe, but she softened when he flashed his flyboy grin at her. “I think you look sexy in red, like the dress from earlier.”

I’m surprised that he’s ever paid attention to that sort of thing. I’m dressed except for my top, and I bend to kiss him. I barely touch his lips before pulling away. “I’ll be on my way as soon as I find my top.”

“On the floor near the front door.”

My face lights with recognition of where it had been removed, then I flee the room, ordering over my shoulder. “Get moving or you’ll be late.”

Once again, she hasn’t given her usual we have so and so number of minutes. I smirk again, then the sound of the door closing registers. I get out of bed and slide on my pants. I finish moving the boxes from the hall and some from just inside the door to the storage area downstairs. The boxes that are to be shipped to me, I leave just inside the door. I take time to pick up my earlier discarded clothing before showering and getting dressed to meet Mac.

CHAPTER FIVE – Fate Decides

At McMurphy’s

He’d managed to get to McMurphy’s on time. He placed a hand on the door to enter and, in that split second, it hit him. She'd never said yes. Of course, she hadn’t said no, either. He also realized that she’d never said that she loved him. They did talk about a future together. She wouldn’t have done that if the answer was no or if she didn’t love him, right? He was now unsure if this was an engagement party or an impromptu goodbye drink with friends. A wave of nervousness washed over him about the potential outcome of this evening. He took in a deep breath and entered McMurphy’s.

He ordered a beer. He was fiddling with his class ring and couldn’t believe that he was sharing with the bartender that he wasn’t sure if he’d gotten engaged or not. It was the truth, but he couldn’t imagine why he was saying it, and to a stranger no less.

He looked at his watch. He worried that she’d had time to think it over on the way to change, and had changed her mind instead of her clothes. He looked towards the door in time to see her walking in. She was here and in that red dress. He rose from the barstool to greet her. They exchanged a soft, “hey” and a sweet kiss in greeting.

It was hard for him to take his eyes off her even after everyone had arrived. It wasn’t until Jennifer mentioned going to San Diego with Mac that Harm got the opening he wanted. “That’s if the colonel is going to San Diego.” He stood. “Mac and I have an announcement.” Mac stood to join him and, from that moment on, it was hard for him not to be touching her: an arm around her, holding her hand or any other physical contact to keep him connected to her. In part, the touching was for the reassurance that he wasn’t dreaming, the other part was, with the limited time that they had, he wanted to be close to her for as long as he could. They stood in each other’s arms. “We’re getting married.” They continued to finish each other’s sentences as they explained that one of them would be resigning their commission. They also explained that they couldn’t decide which one, so they were letting fate decide.

Bud asked the bride-to-be to call it, and Mac chose tails. Bud launched the coin up, and it flipped over and over in the air. Then the coin began to descend. The gold coin fell to the floor, twirling on its side. It was only seconds until it lost momentum and came to rest flat on the floor, rendering an answer for all the eyes fixed on it to see.

Mac looked at Harm and, without hesitation, she said, “London it is!”

General Cresswell’s tone was light and sincere. “The Corps will be losing a fine Marine, and to the Navy on top of it, but who am I to argue with fate?” The general extended his hand to Harm for a congratulatory handshake. “Congratulations, Captain.” General Cresswell faced Mac and shook her hand. “Congratulations to you as well, Colonel.”

Harriet, Jennifer, and Mac managed to huddle for a discussion about such things as flowers and gowns for a few minutes. When the women engaged in ‘girl talk,’ the men teased Harm about his long-time bachelor status. Harm was able to take it all in stride, knowing that a few jokes at his expense was a small price to pay for what he was gaining.

Harm wasn’t sure how long they’d been gathered when the general spoke, preparing to make an exit. “I told my wife that I was going to change a tire, and she’s going to wonder where I had to go to change it. I have a lot to do tomorrow. Seems I have to find a new CO for Joint Legal Services, Southwest. Colonel, I expect to see you in my office at 1300 tomorrow to discuss your plans in detail.”

Mac felt Harm’s grip tighten around her a bit as the general spoke. She knew that it was a supportive gesture and a reminder of why she was leaving the Corps.

The door had just closed behind the general when Sturgis spoke. “Mac, I was thinking. If you’re staying here, you’ll need your apartment.” His comment was spoken as a statement, but it was really a question.

“Varese can still move in on Sunday as planned. I’ll be moved into Harm’s by Saturday.” Mac smiled at the relief appearing instantly on Sturgis’ face as she spoke.

Sturgis seemed to be embarrassed by being caught so concerned over a personal issue. With a more relaxed and friendly tone, Sturgis volunteered to help Mac move on Saturday, and she accepted his offer. “If I'm going to be at work on time in the morning and be a moving man this weekend, I'd better get some rest.” Sturgis stepped to Harm's right to place his glass on the bar. As Sturgis brought his arm back from the bar, he rested his left hand on Harm’s shoulder while simultaneously raising his right hand to meet Harm’s hand in a gentlemen’s handshake. While they shook hands, Sturgis patted Harm’s shoulder lightly, gave him a smile and a sincere congratulations. The two men released their grips, and Sturgis turned, kissed Mac’s cheek, and offered his congratulations to her.

Sturgis asked if Jennifer would like him to walk her out, and she accepted his offer. Jennifer was still visiting Mattie every Wednesday at the hospital, and Harm recalled a recent exchange between them. He’d been approaching Mattie’s room and heard the two of them talking. He'd stayed outside the door and listened. He couldn’t remember the exact words, but the gist was, if she never walked again, that was fine. However, it was her duty to be sure that it was because she couldn’t and not because she didn’t try. Jennifer had been of so much help that Harm felt that he should say something more to her than just goodbye.

“Jennifer, I want to thank you for your help. I wouldn’t have been able to pull off keeping Mattie without you. Thank you.”

Jennifer replied, “It was my pleasure, and you’re welcome, sir.” Pleased at his acknowledgement of her help, Jennifer finished her goodnights and quickly turned towards the door, rushing to catch up with Sturgis.

Harm and Mac watched their friends departing, but they glanced at each other and became locked in a love struck gaze. When Harriet noticed, she motioned to Bud in silent communication that they should be leaving the ‘love birds’ alone. Bud’s voice caused the couple to break their gaze. He used the twins as the reason why they couldn’t stay any longer.

Harriet had to hug the couple again before saying goodbye. Bud shook Harm’s hand, and mentioned that he’d probably see Mac at JAG tomorrow. Mr. and Mrs. Roberts were soon on their way.

Mac tilted her head up and delivered the same soft, quick kind of kiss that they’d used to greet each other earlier. “You have a plane to catch, so I was wondering, would you like to spend some time at my new apartment, sailor?”

Harm raised an eyebrow, but didn’t utter a word. Even in the darkness of the room, she saw a spark in his eyes, and Mac started for the door. He reached for his wallet to pay the bar tab, wondering how she could make a single word - sailor - sound so sexy and inviting?

CHAPTER SIX – Together

Mac's P.O.V.

I’m parked in front of Harm’s building. I reach for the overnight bag that I packed. I reflect momentarily on the last three days while riding the elevator up. I was excited about the command position until I found out that it was in San Diego. It got worse when it was announced that Harm was being transferred to London. Opposite coasts would’ve been bad enough, but 5,489 miles apart. We’d gotten close again, and it felt like I was losing him all over. After probably over analyzing it, had he been hinting about a relationship before? Examples that come into my mind: If you love him - Webb - it doesn’t matter what I want. I’m tired of looking in on your life. I want to be a part of it. It matters that it - having a child - happens between the two of us. A lot of decisions need to be made, and I’m not talking about staffing decisions.

I leave the front door open and take my bag to the bedroom. I open a drawer to place the bag inside. The empty drawer reminds me that he's leaving and that we have little time left together. I slip my shoes off and turn down the bed. I decide to wait for him in the other room.

On my walk into the main living area, I see his suitcases and packed boxes, other reminders of the separation that we'll soon face. I move around, surveying his space. The first time I was here, the refrigerator didn’t work because there was no outlet. Another time, he was working on the floors and we had to have lunch on the bed. I’m glad that I’ll be staying here. I’ll feel closer to him here. I take a break from my retrospective to note the time. I’ve been roaming about longer than I'd thought. He should’ve been here by now. I don’t know why it's taking him so long. I perch myself on the stool where this all started a few hours ago.

I’m filled with an unexplained nervousness when I hear the clank of the elevator gate. He’s here. Within seconds, he’s standing in the doorway, holding a brown grocery bag. I look him up and down, taking in as much about him as I can. The signs of stress and fatigue that have been so prominent on his face in recent weeks are gone. The smile on his face is the kind that I saw in Arizona, the charming ‘I usually get what I want’ one. With his facial features recorded, my eyes move downward.

Thoughts of leaving the Corps had made me sad, but as my eyes take in this man in uniform, I realize that he belongs in that uniform. Fate has made the right choice. My eyes make their way down to his perfectly shined shoes. What size are those shoes? I smile while bringing my eyes up to meet his eyes.

Harm's P.O.V.

As I come into the doorway, I see her sitting on the stool where our separate lives collided a few hours ago. I notice that she’s removed her shoes. The slit up the side of her dress allows me to start at her ankle and follow her leg up to mid-thigh where the slit ends, stopping any further viewing. My eyes move from where the material of her dress began to obstruct my view, past the curves at her waist and stop at the neckline. She’s always had a striking figure, but her uniform masks how beautiful it really is. I move on, and her soft smile and the sparkle in her eyes make me weak in the knees. Her hair is nice, but I think I like the shorter cut from a couple of years ago better.

A twinge of guilt, stemming from the fact that time has been spent on a purely physical assessment of the other, momentarily tugs at both of them.

As he stepped into the apartment, she was the first one to speak. “Are you going to leave the door open?”

“I was waiting to see if you were staying on this side of the door. A gentleman should always give a lady a chance to get out of a situation like this gracefully.”

“Unless you’ve changed your mind, I’ll be staying. What’s in the bag?”

“I seem to remember you telling me once that, if you spend the night, you get breakfast. Since the cabinets and refrigerator have been cleaned out, I thought I should pick up a few things.”

“Like coffee.”

“Like coffee, though my coffee maker is packed, so you’ll have to settle for instant.”

“I’m sure that you can find a way that you can make it up to me for instant coffee,” she says suggestively.

I close the door and take my final steps to her. Shifting the grocery bag slightly, my lips meet hers in a tender kiss. After the kiss, I move around the counter to unpack the groceries.

“If you’ve packed everything, how are you going to make breakfast?”

I begin to remove items from the bag and put them away. “I stopped at one of those open 24 hour, we have everything stores.” By the time the bag was empty, there were two coffee mugs, a box of assorted plastic utensils, a roll of paper towels, instant coffee, sugar, creamer, a variety of pastries, and two small containers of pre-sliced, fresh fruit from the deli section. Everything needed for a light breakfast for two.

“We could have just gone out to breakfast,” she teases.

I begin to remove my tie while I’m talking. “I didn’t want to leave any earlier than I had to. Coates and I are scheduled to leave for Andrews at 0600.” I make my way around the end of the counter. I remove my jacket and lose the cummerbund before settling onto the stool next to her. Once seated, I begin to undo the buttons of my shirt as I listen to her response.

“While we were still at McMurphy’s, Jennifer gave me the job of being your driver. We’ll still have to leave at 0600 to have you at Andrews for your 0700 show time. That leaves us…”

My shirt is hanging open, but I don’t want to be reminded about how little time we have left to be together, so I place my lips over hers, cutting her words off by kissing her. After a need for air causes us to break the kiss, I remove my shirt before toeing off my shoes.

“Getting comfortable?” she asks with a grin.

“Yes.”

“Then let me help,” she says, and she pulls my undershirt out of the waistband of my pants and takes in the view as she raises the undershirt up and off my body.

I place my palm on the side of her face and move my thumb along her cheekbone. She leans into my touch. She stands, and I move my hands to her waist and pull her closer to me, and our lips meet. It's a gentle, warm, closed-mouth kiss that doesn’t last long enough to satisfy either of us. As much as I love her, the next kiss we share is based on the basic instinct of lust. I want her.

I feel the hunger in his kiss and it's exciting to me. The next kiss, I invite his tongue to dance with mine by parting my lips when his tongue glances across my lower lip. During our passionate, intense, tongue-tangling kiss, I feel his hands moving down my back. I feel a tingle as his hand makes contact with my skin. He’s unzipped my dress. As the kiss eases, he’s using the tips of his fingers to guide the straps of my dress off my shoulders. He kisses across the top of my left shoulder; then switches to the right, allowing me to remove the dress straps from each arm.

The curve of her hips keeps her dress from falling to the floor. I pull her closer, and my lips descend on hers. Her exposed skin making contact with mine makes my blood run hot. My hands reach for the material at her hips and, with a slight tug, the dress is dislodged and sent to the floor. When the need for air forces us apart, I slip one arm around her and bend slightly, scooping her up into my arms. Her arms go around my neck, and she rests her head against my shoulder. I carry her up the steps to the bedroom. I release her legs, allowing them to return to the floor. We meet in a kiss that's passionate, yet tender. The next kiss is softer. I ease back from our latest kiss and look at her. The only barriers to viewing all of her are a pink, lace-trimmed bra and matching panties. I run my hands down her arms until I have each one of her hands in one of mine. I’m looking at her lovingly and taking in her beauty. “You’re a very beautiful woman.”

Blushing slightly, she sighs. “Thank you. You’re easy on the eyes yourself.”

I sit on the edge of the bed. Her hands move slowly across my back as she comes up and kneels on the bed behind me. My back muscles tense under her touch. I enjoy her touch, and when she begins to place soft kisses across my back, I pretend to have no other plan at the moment than to take off my socks. Her hands move around me and slowly across the muscles of my chest. She begins to kiss the nape of my neck, and it sends shivers down my spine. I remove my socks and belt before deciding that I can't wait any longer to hold her close again. As I turn, my arm snakes around her, and she slides up against me. Our lips meet. My hand moves over the soft, smooth skin of her shoulder before it comes to rest at the small of her back.

She’s in my embrace, and I ease her back onto the bed as I kiss her. I start a journey of discovery by kissing her lips down to her chin, down her throat, and down to the exposed skin in the valley between her breasts. I kiss along the top of her breasts, using the lace line of her bra as a guide. I want to enjoy every moment of being with her. I continue to kiss until I’ve kissed along the lace line from one side to the other. The hand that I still have under her moves to unhook her bra, and I pull the unfastened garment carefully from her body.

My hand moves to touch her revealed breasts. I cup a breast tenderly and I feel her body shudder under my touch. I can’t maintain my balance and enjoy this exquisite feature of hers without putting too much of my weight on her, so I roll onto my back. She lifts, and I move an arm in behind her and pull her to me. Like she's reading my mind, she positions herself in a way that allows me to kiss along the sides of her breasts where they meet the valley between. This had been a part that had been rushed, though not skipped earlier this evening, and I'm going to enjoy a slower journey now.

My kisses eventually bring me to her taut nipple. Much like our first encounter, when my tongue swirls around her nipple, her body instinctively reacts. After kissing both breasts and swirling my tongue around each nipple as an introduction, of sorts, I place my mouth over a nipple and take it along with part of her breast into my mouth. When I suck gently on her breast her body twitches in response. I suckle at one breast briefly before moving to the other one.

I feel her body shifting. She leans forward and presses her lips to mine. When our lips part, she kisses along my jaw line towards my ear and down my neck. The movement of her hips and her kisses are pushing my senses to the limit. My need and desire for her is filling me. I roll her over onto her back and begin to assault her senses, kissing one part while caressing another.

He's kissing and caressing me, and no part of me feels neglected when his hands or lips move to a new place. He kisses down between my breasts and down to my belly button. He's removing my panties in the same manner as he did earlier. Now that he's removed my panties, he's kissing his way back up from my belly button to my breasts. He stops at my breasts, giving each one more attention before continuing to kiss up my chest until he's once again placing his lips on mine.

My pulse is racing with the anticipation of our joining. I want to be loved by him. I want to feel him inside me. As we kiss, my hands find their way down to his waist and unfasten his pants.

Unfastening my pants makes me aware that she's ready, but I’m hesitant. I was apprehensive earlier, but assumed that it was because a first time can’t be done over. I look down into her eyes and their silent plea, and my own need stops me from analyzing further. I place a brief kiss on her lips before pulling away and getting out of bed.

He’s standing beside the bed. I’m confused. Things were going so well. So what happened? Was something wrong? I’m afraid to ask, yet I have to know. “Are you going somewhere?” I ask tentatively.

“Not without you,” I reply as I slide my unfastened pants and boxer style underwear to the floor. I lean down and our lips come together, and no further words are exchanged.

He’s standing naked in front of me with his arousal obvious. I didn’t take the time earlier to look, but I am now. I make a mental note. That foot or shoe size theory might not be a myth. He's well built everywhere. He comes back onto the bed and, when our eyes meet, I’m sure that he knows that I want him to love me again.

I use my forearms to hold the weight of my upper body off of her. I push slowly inside her, the moisture and warmth of her walls surround me, and I pause to enjoy the feel of her around me as I engage her tongue in a searing kiss.

Our rhythm comes easily, as if we’ve been lovers for years. Her body writhes under me as our pace quickens. I relish the feel of her under me and the feel of her that surrounds my stiff presence inside her.

My back arches in response to his strokes, hoping that he’ll go deeper inside me. He lets out a moan when I thrust my hips up to meet him as our rhythm of loving each other takes on a much faster pace. Our breathing quickens as the force at which we thrust against each other increases.

With all of their senses at full alert and every nerve ending awakened, their bodies come to a natural, mutual release.

CHAPTER SEVEN - Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

Spent from their lovemaking, they lay together, silently reviewing the sudden change that their relationship has taken. The suddenness of it had caused them to be guarded, and they'd each held back some part of themselves during their lovemaking, but they'd finally allowed their bodies the pleasure of a union that their hearts had craved for a long time. From the moment that she'd let him know that she wanted him, their bodies had reacted to one another. Even though neither of them had vocalized their feelings to each other - at least not this night - both had had the same thought: this was a lusty meshing of their bodies that was encapsulated in love, and the feelings that the encounter had evoked couldn’t be compared to any other that they’d experienced before.

He had his left arm under her. His right hand had her left hand enclosed in it, resting on his chest. Her head rested comfortably on his shoulder. Their legs were entwined. He placed a kiss on the top of her head. He pulled her hand up to his lips and kissed it. He began unconsciously rubbing his thumb across the back of her hand. Even though he was holding her, it was hard for him to believe that this was real. He wished that he were leaving her with a ring on her finger to remind her of him.

“We need to finish negotiations on a ring.”

She pressed herself against his body as she replied, “I don’t need a ring.”

“Maybe you don’t need one, but you deserve one.”

“Anything you choose will be fine.” She was uncomfortable with the conversation and wasn’t sure why, so she changed the subject. “How do you think Mattie will feel about our engagement?”

“She’s been through a lot with the accident and Tom’s drinking, so it may be hard for her at first, but she knows that I love you, and she’ll be happy for us. I’d call her now, but it’s too late. I’ll call her later.”

Her head was nodding in understanding against his chest before the meaning of the words really came into her realm of realization. “Wait…Mattie knows that you love me? You told her before you told me?”

She sounded irritated, but she wasn’t pulling away. 'That's a good sign,' he thought before speaking.

“To be accurate, I didn’t tell her. She asked. According to Mattie, during an evening of ‘girl talk’ between her and Jennifer, I became a topic of conversation. Mattie says that Jennifer told her that I was in love with you. One night, Mattie asked me if I was. I wasn’t going to lie, so I said yes.”

“How does Jennifer know?”

“I don’t know. You’d have to ask Jennifer.” Mac seemed amused by the story, though she seemed distressed by the fact that both Jennifer and Mattie knew how he felt before she did.

They fell silent, wrapped in each other’s embrace. He was thinking about how good it felt to be with her when the reality that he had a plane to catch washed over him. The threat of separation three days ago had been hard enough, but now it seemed to be the end of the world. He wondered if getting on the plane would be easier if they’d been a couple for more than a few hours. He speculated that the separation itself wouldn’t be as bad as the thought of being apart. They were finally together. He needed to remember that their separation was only temporary. He gave her body a squeeze to reassure him that he wasn’t dreaming.

She felt his grip around her tighten. She spoke softly. “I thought you were asleep.”

“I thought you were.”

“I can’t sleep. I’ve been thinking.”

“Thinking about what, may I ask?”

“Yes, you may. I was thinking about how wonderful it is to be here with you.”

“That’s funny. I was thinking the same thing.” He paused. “It’s going to be hard to get on that plane.”

Her hand glided across his chest as she spoke. “I was trying not to think about that.”

Content in each other’s arms, they tried not to think about the rapidly approaching time of his departure. In his arms, she managed to drift to sleep. He couldn’t sleep. Three days ago, he’d had no idea how to say what he wanted her to know, but somehow, the words that he chosen or the way that he’d said them or the fact that he’d said them - he wasn’t sure which one, nor, at this point, did he particularly care - had worked. With only twelve hours left in the same country, he’d proposed to her and told her that he loved her.

CHAPTER EIGHT – An Ocean Apart

Friday, April 1, 2005

4:47 AM: Harm reached out to shut off the buzzing of his travel alarm clock before it could wake Mac. He hadn’t been able to sleep at all. They’d made love, talked and made love again, and she’d drifted off to sleep in his arms a little more than an hour ago. He’d watched her sleep, and now he had to force himself to get out of bed.

He showered, shaved and put on a clean t-shirt and boxers before making his way towards the kitchen. He returned to the bedroom with two mugs. He sat the two mugs down on the bedside table on her side before sitting on the edge of the bed. He brushed a stray hair from the side of her face before he kissed her cheek.

“It’s time to get up,” he whispered in her ear.

Her body rolled towards the familiar voice and her eyelids opened slowly. “Good morning.”

“Good morning.”

Mac sat up so fast that the sheet across her had no time to fall as her arms went around his neck. His arms went around her, and the sheet was pressed between their bodies as they came together for a morning kiss. The kiss came to a natural close, and she placed her head against his shoulder.

He reached for one of the mugs and offered it to her. She took the mug and began to sip the warm coffee.

“Would you like to shower or have breakfast first?”

She took another sip and, in a sleepy voice, answered, “Shower.”

Harm stood as he spoke. “I’ll get dressed and set up breakfast while you shower.”

He took only two steps towards the kitchen before he felt her arms wrap around him at the waist from behind. He turned, wrapping his arms around her naked form. When theirs lips came together, they tried to convey how much they loved each other and how much they were going to miss each other. When their lips parted, he watched her walk away towards the shower.

He burned off the frustration that their kiss had started by doing such tasks as gathering up his dress mess uniform pieces and packing them, packing his shaving kit, finishing dressing, and setting up a breakfast for two. He was surveying the room to make sure that he wasn’t leaving anything behind when Mac emerged from the bedroom, looking sharp in her uniform and carrying an empty coffee mug. He wished that they weren’t taking a military car so that she could be in civilian clothes. She looked good in uniform, but the uniform didn’t do her figure justice.

They ate without saying much, but they couldn’t keep their eyes off of each other. Mac pinched off a section of her muffin and offered it to his lips. He took in the offered piece of muffin, enjoying his lips near her fingers. Once the muffins and coffee were gone, it was time to pack up.

He was clearing the counter. “I was thinking...we should say our goodbyes here and you could just drop me off.” He paused, realizing how final his words sounded. He added, “I’ll be coming back when I get the word from Bud about a court date for Mattie’s custody.”

Mac smiled. “You need a place to stay while you’re in town, sailor?” She moved closer to him.

Why did she have to go and call him sailor like that? “I was hoping that you’d let me stay here.”

“I think that can be arranged.”

They were deep in a passionate kiss within seconds. He didn’t want to give up his naval career, but at the moment, he thought that it would be easier than letting go of her.

She reluctantly released him and, in a shaky voice, asked, “Do you have everything?”

“Yeah, I’ve double checked. I just have to grab the bags by the door and I’m good to go.”

He kissed her gently, then once again with more sizzle. He eased off the second kiss and, when their lips parted, their bodies followed. He moved to the door and grabbed one bag. She went out the door, and he picked up the second bag and stepped into the hall. He closed the door and they were on their way.

6:43 AM: They held hands from the time they got into the car until arriving at the main gate of the base. They’d both taken flights out of Andrews before, but this was the first time that the drive out there had seemed short.

She parked the car. He was missing her already and he wasn’t even out of the car yet. The best way to do this, he thought, is quick—like pulling a Band-Aid off, it still hurts, but the pain doesn’t last long. He took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. He leaned over and gave her a quick peck on the lips. He opened the passenger door and, in a flash, he had his bags and was around at the driver’s door. He sat his bags down next to the car and opened her door. He bent at the knees, lowering to a squat behind the open door and looked into her eyes.

“Colonel, this is the hard part. Doing this any other way would make it that much harder.”

Mac had to admit that being in uniform and on a military base, no less, did help. They had to stay focused on their professional persona and not their personal interests. She started to say something, but opted for a very brief touching of her lips to his instead.

He reached for her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze before he stood. “Let me know what the general says.” He picked up his bags and turned quickly, walking away from the car.

He’d gotten half way to the terminal when he decided that he couldn’t leave like this. He turned to go back to the car and kiss her like he wanted to. When he turned around, he had just enough time to drop his bags, freeing his arms to catch the Marine running towards him.

Their arms wrapped around each other, she whispered in his ear, “If someone sees us, tell them that I attacked you. What will they do, toss me out of the Corps?”

“Were you reading my mind? I’d just decided to go back to the car and give you a proper goodbye.”

“Goodbye and not good luck.” A second later, they were in an intense kiss.

It still wasn’t easy, but with one last squeeze of each other, they parted. If anyone saw them kissing, they didn’t say a word.

Mattie had therapy, class or something at 0730. Harm’s brain couldn’t recall at the moment what, but he was sure of the time, so it wasn’t too early to call. If he didn’t call now, he wouldn’t be able to reach her until around dinnertime, her time. This was big news, and he didn’t want to wait.

A very soft “hello” came through his cell phone.

“Hi, Mattie, I know it’s early. I’m waiting to board my flight. Something happened last night and I need to tell you about it.”

“You’ve changed your mind about me, right?”

With the hope that a reply without hesitation would reassure her, he wasted no time in answering. “No, I haven’t changed my mind. You’re stuck with me, but you get a bonus.”

The soft voice returned. “A bonus? Harm, are you feeling okay? What happened last night?”

“Guess who dropped me off at the air terminal a few minutes ago. Oh, never mind, I don’t have time for you to guess, so I’ll just have to tell you.” He paused for dramatics. “It was Mac.”

If he was going to say more, Mattie didn’t give him a chance. “Did you say Mac? I thought Jennifer was taking you. Wait...did you tell her?”

“Yes, I said Mac. The plan was to have Jennifer drive me, but after last night, Mac got the honors. And if you’re referring to our chat at the hospital a few days ago about whether I was going to tell Mac that I loved her, the answer would be yes, I told her. I even proposed.”

Mattie jumped at the end of his statement with more questions. “You proposed. Did she say yes? You said that she was going to San Diego. How are you going to get married if you’re living so far apart?”

“We decided that we wanted to be a little closer than 6,000 miles, so we made a deal. She’s going to resign and move to London.” He didn’t give her any of the details of how uniquely London had been chosen.

Mattie sounded sad. “She won’t want me around.”

His voice caught in his throat at the sadness in Mattie’s tone. Harm tried to reassure her with his words and tone as he replied, “Mac knows that we’re a package deal. I told you, you’re stuck with me!”

Mattie was happy for him, but unsure of how she’d fit in. She didn’t know Mac well, but she knew that Harm loved her. Harm knew that his words wouldn’t ease Mattie’s mind after all she’d been through, but he knew that, over time, she’d understand that he wasn’t going to leave her behind. He didn’t want to cut the call short, but he had a plane to catch. He remembered her session at 0730 and looked at his watch.

“You have somewhere to be in about five minutes, so we need to get off the phone now. I’ll call later and let you know that I made it to London, and answer any more questions then, okay?”

A couple of goodbyes, and he was pushing the end button on his cell phone.

Later in the Day
London, England

Harm’s flight was uneventful, and he arrived in London as scheduled. He took a moment to settle in before calling Mattie, as promised. After telling her that he’d arrived safely, the rest of the fifteen-minute or so call was spent trying to reassure her that his engagement didn’t change the fact that he wanted her.

Mac was going to call him after her meeting with General Cresswell. Harm didn’t have much to unpack, so he opted to take a tour of the building that housed the officer's quarters where he was now a resident. He strolled outside for a time before deciding that dinner should be the next item on his agenda. After dinner, he returned to his quarters. He made notes on things that he needed to do and things that he might want to say at his first staff meeting. His notes, whether work related or personal, were written randomly on the same yellow sheet of his legal pad.

He remembered the pictures that he’d carefully wrapped in paper and slid between the clothing in his luggage, and hoped that they’d survived the trip and wanted to unpack them now. He’d brought a picture of him and his dad, and a picture of Mattie. He wished now that he’d included the picture of Mac that he’d thought about bringing. At the time, he’d decided not to bring it. He'd been of the opinion that bringing her picture with him would remind him of his heartache. He was going to have enough trouble getting over her without looking at her picture - the woman whom he wanted but would never have. He’d packed her picture in a box to be shipped with his other things when he’d found housing for Mattie and himself. If he’d known how his life would change in those final twelve hours in DC, he’d have packed Mac’s picture, too.

He was waiting for a call, so he answered his ringing cell phone on the first ring. “Hey.”

“Hey yourself”

Mac informed Harm of the outcome of her meeting. General Cresswell had informed her that she must be a very lucky Marine. The general said that he’d received a call late last night - well, really during the early hours of this morning - telling him to pull Colonel MacKenzie’s orders. The Joint Legal Services plan had run into a snafu and wasn’t ready for a CO yet. Those on both sides - both political and military - wanted Colonel MacKenzie to assume the role of CO when the billet was ready. In the meantime, they agreed that she should be given a temporary assignment until a billet could be found that would keep her available for them. They didn’t want to be yanking her out of anything important, but they needed to find something to fill her time while they all waited for the politicians to work things out. After informing her of the fact that she and Captain Rabb seem to be lucky, General Cresswell added his view. He wasn't thrilled with her leaving the Corps and he had no problem telling her so. He wasn’t mean about it, but he did voice his concerns “as her CO and as her friend” as the general had put it. Cresswell said that he wouldn’t sign off on any terminal leave for thirty days. After she’d had thirty days to think her decision through, he’d sign her request for terminal leave and start it up the chain of command. He wanted her to know that she and Captain Rabb had better have a back up plan, because his signature wasn’t the only one required for her separation from the Corps, and he wasn’t sure, with the powers that be having plans for her, that the request would be approved.

Their phone call ended without the reunion date that Harm had hoped for. He hadn’t slept last night, so the five hour time difference was in his favor, and he went to bed after his phone call with Mac ended. He was exhausted, and was able to drift to sleep with ease, thinking about Mac.

Saturday, April 2, 2005
North of Union Station

Mac hadn’t been able to sleep. She’d gotten more rest in the hour that she’d slept in Harm’s arms than she’d gotten all night last night. How had this all happened in only twelve hours?

She showered and was drinking her first cup of coffee when a bright smile graced her face. Yesterday, she’d gone to sleep in the arms of not just any man, but the right man for her—Harm. She couldn’t remember waking and feeling as refreshed as she did when she slept near him. She took a moment to remember when she’d slept close to Harm before. She’d slept in his arms in a cave in Virginia, while staying away from crazed poachers. They’d shared a room in Russia, though he’d slept in a chair. She would have been able to sleep in his arms on the ground while in Afghanistan, but a bombing run interrupted that. Even with the bombing, she’d been more relaxed, knowing that he was with her. And when she did sleep that night, it had been more restful than her sleep last night had been.

Sturgis had been on time, and it only took a couple of hours for them to move her personal things over to Harm’s. She’d sublet her apartment to Varese furnished. Her reasoning at the time was that, if she were going to make a clean break of her life in Washington, she should leave as much behind as she could. A new apartment or maybe a house this time, and new furniture, and she'd make a home for herself. She hadn’t let go all together and had packed pictures of Harm, but she had rid herself of pictures and memories of Dalton, Mic and Webb.

Mac was mostly unpacked and went to bed early, hoping to sleep. She couldn’t believe that she missed him so much. She had only limited success in sleeping, dozing off for a couple of hours in the early hours of the morning.

Same day
London, England

It could have been exhaustion or his dreams of Mac, but Harm slept through the night and woke feeling well rested. He thought about the advantage of flying in on a Friday. You get the weekend to get your bearings before reporting for duty on Monday. He sought out breakfast before doing anything else.

He went to his new office and had a look around, and did some exploring of the city. Upon his return to his building, he started investigating the different common areas that had looked to be of interest when he'd walked past them last night. Just off the main lobby, he found a communication center sponsored by the USO. They had computers for emailing, pay phones, phone cards for sale, and a small post office for corresponding to love ones the old fashioned way. The center was open only selected hours, and it wasn’t until he returned from an early dinner that he found the place open. Within minutes of entering the center, he was signed up and at a computer. He sent an email to Mattie. Since they’d spoken last, he had nothing new to say, but he wanted to keep the lines of communication open. He didn’t have anything new to say to Mac either, but he wanted her to know that he was thinking about her.

Sunday, April 3, 2005
North of Union Station

Mac had gotten no more sleep than she had the night before. She showered, and was struck with an idea as she made her way from the bedroom to her coffee maker.

She didn’t know if it was a good idea or not, but she knew that going was necessary for a life with Harm. She drank her first cup of coffee and, after a second cup, she left the apartment.

Mac arrived just after Mattie’s midday meal, and she kept her visit brief. Mattie was excited about getting an email from Harm, and all conversation revolved around him. Mac felt a little awkward, but the visit with Mattie was pleasant.

After finding out that Mattie had gotten an email from Harm, Mac was a little jealous, but it quickly disappeared when she checked her email when she got home from Arlington. She didn’t usually check her email on the weekends, but she’d have to change that. Mac wasted no time in replying to his email.

Mac went to bed early, hoping to sleep, but she had only limited success, dozing off for a couple of hours. She’d sleep much better when she wasn’t an ocean apart from Harm.

Same day
London, England

Harm had slept well on Friday night, but not last night. He’d gotten to sleep, but hadn’t rested. He’d found a place to do his running yesterday, and a run was at the top on his list to do this morning. He decided to do his morning run as planned today. After he started work tomorrow, if he needed to, he’d switch to an evening run to help tire him in order to sleep better. He missed Mac, but that alone may not have been his reason for not sleeping. Tomorrow was the big day, his first day in command. He was a little nervous, but excited for this new chapter in his life to begin.

He was even more excited when he went to email ‘his girls’ late in the afternoon and found that he had mail from one of them. Mattie had answered his email first, and the one that she’d sent in reply was short, but if she’d written it herself, it was great, another step to a full recovery. Mac hadn’t replied, but given the time difference and the fact that she usually didn’t check her mail on the weekend, he wasn’t surprised, though maybe a little disappointed. He dashed off another quick note to each of them before heading to his room.

His day was normal for a man in a new country, preparing for his first command position while being separated from his fiancée and daughter. Those words, daughter and fiancée, were quickly becoming his favorite words.

Harm used the remaining part of the day to settle in and work on those notes for his first staff meeting. He set out a clean uniform before turning in for the night. He tried to sleep without much luck. He’d held Mac only a fraction of one night and he couldn’t help wanting her here. He’d sleep much better when she arrived, when they weren’t an ocean apart.

Tomorrow, they'd go to work and begin their life as a couple...an ocean apart.

THE END