This is just one of those silly little ideas that won't leave you alone until you write it! Takes place any time late Season 7 or early 8. Just a little humour/romance piece in AU. The idea spawned from an article I read in the paper recently about new items that Wal-Mart is now going to be carrying. To make a long story short, I got to thinking about how Harm was always afraid of the emotional part of his relationship with Mac, we assume because he was never very confident about expressing feelings, etc. However, Harm being who he was, seemed to be fully confident in his own sexual prowess. Maybe if he had ever been challenged from a strictly sexual standpoint, he would have been more willing to step up to the plate...

MAC’S APARTMENT
GEORGETOWN
2005 ZULU

“I can’t believe you don’t have a bag packed and ready in the car, Mac. Some Marine you turned out to be...”

Mac unlocked the door to her apartment and he followed her inside, grinning from ear to ear.

“Listen, I told you – I did my laundry this weekend and I brought that bag in to freshen it up. I just hadn’t gotten around to repacking it and putting it back in the car.” They had been tasked at the last minute to take a hop to the Patrick Henry. Mac was busted and Harm was enjoying this way too much. “Now will you just shut up and help me pack?”

“Sure Mac – anything you want. See, I already have mine packed and in the trunk so we have *lots* of time...”

“Yes I *know*” Mac glared. “You mentioned it earlier. However, just because you accidentally mistook your sea bag for your golf clubs one morning in some caffeine-deprived fog, doesn’t mean you get to hold it over my head for the rest of my natural life. Now would you kindly just put your fortunate error behind you and help me?”

Mac walked into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator door. “Do you want a bottle of water or something?”

Harm was grinning like a 4 year old that just caught his mother using a swear word. “No thanks, Mac. I’m too busy helping you pack, remember?” He suddenly playfully pushed himself off the wall and sprinted into her bedroom. “I call the underwear drawer!”

“Harm! Don’t you dare!” Mac was half laughing/half horrified at his comment as she gave chase - too late to stop him from fulfilling his bluff. It wasn’t until the instant she recognized the look in Harm’s questioning eyes, that the laughing part disappeared altogether and only the horrified part remained.

“Mac? Uh…what’s this?” He lifted the object closer to his scrutiny and then, noticing the ‘on’ switch, brought the little machine to life.

As soon as the tell-tale vibrating began and the realization hit him, Harm dropped the offending object as if scalded and stumbled backwards onto the bed. He turned to Mac with a horrified expression on his face. “Ma-ac?!”

Mac stood there with her hand over her mouth, unsure whether to laugh or pass out from embarrassment. Seeing as Harm seemed to be sufficiently embarrassed for the both of them, she quickly attempted to recover and walked over to her drawer.

“Do you mind, Harm?” she accused him teasingly as she shut it off. “I mean... you’re wasting batteries.”

“MA-AC!!”

Harm was incredulous.

“What’s the matter, Harm” She was starting to enjoy this a little bit. “I mean, I’m a grown woman and I haven’t been in a relationship for almost a year. I do have *needs* you know. By the way – how did you know which one was my underwear drawer...?”

“MA-AC!”

Harm was dumbfounded.

Mac just shook her head and went back to packing - not quite sure what else she should do at the moment. Harm was just sitting on the bed, staring straight ahead as if his entire universe had just been shattered. Every few seconds she would steal a sideways glance at him to make sure he was alright.

Finally, Harm seemed recovered enough to walk back up to the drawer and peer in. Dead silence hung in the air as she waited nervously for his next words.

“Mac?”

“Yes, Harm”. She brought the bottle of water to her lips, desperately seeking to soothe her suddenly parched throat.

“*I’m* bigger than *that*” He said it as if it was the most common, every day statement to make.

Mac sprayed the water clear across the room. ‘Oh my God. Please tell me he didn’t just say that’.

Mac composed herself by patting her chest and clearing her throat. Harm seemed unfazed by his declaration or her reaction to it. He still had yet to take his eyes from the object of his scrutiny which was now cradled in the safety of her latest Victoria Secret expenditure. Well, if he wasn’t going to be fazed, she would play along too.

“Well, you know what they say, Harm – ‘size isn’t everything’.” Maybe that would steer him off course.

Harm was still staring, “Mac?”

“Yes Harm?” she was beginning to get a little exasperated, if not downright uncomfortable.

He finally turned his eyes to hers. “I’m *better* than that.”

Mac stared at him and he held her gaze. Suddenly she broke away. “Oh no, no, no! We are *not* having this conversation...”

“Why not, Mac?” He actually had the audacity to seem genuinely hurt.

“Because Harm,” the sarcasm was dripping “we had this conversation once before and you made it abundantly clear you weren’t interested. I certainly do *NOT* need pity sex from you – ‘Oscar’ and I do just fine on our own.”

Harm was having trouble finding his voice. “OSCAR!??”

“Harm – just drop it OK?”

Mac returned to the business of stuffing clothing into her duffle. There were several minutes of silence before Harm spoke again.

“What if I don’t want to drop it?”

“Harm...”

“Mac – Sydney doesn’t count. I told you ‘not yet’. I *never* said I didn’t want you.”

His voice was thick and gravely and it was making her head swim. “Harm… please don’t...”

Harm took a step towards her. “Why not, Mac?”

She was starting to feel panic rising – she shook her head to clear it. Maybe if she lightened the moment with more humour, they could find a way out of this catastrophe.

She laughed distractedly as she attempted to stuff a pair of sneakers into her bag. “Oh don’t be so offended, Harm – if it’s any consolation, you’re usually involved ‘in absentia’...”

She was cut off by him walking towards her again. “Oh God, Sarah...” he breathed.

“Don’t Harm!” She took a step backwards and pointed a sneaker at him accusingly.

Harm froze on the spot as if trapped in a minefield. “Don’t what?”

“Don’t say ‘Oh God’… and especially not ‘Sarah’”... She was starting to lose the battle with the flock of butterflies that had suddenly taken flight in her stomach.

“But...”

“No Harm! We are ending this conversation right here, do you hear me?! We have been skirting around this issue for years and there is no way that I’m going to jump into bed with you just because your manhood has been suddenly threatened by an inanimate object!”

“But Mac... you just admitted you... thought of me while...” He swallowed a lump in his throat. “…doesn’t that mean you want me too?”

“Yes Harm... I don’t deny that... but...” she finally snapped and stepped up to him toe to toe. “I don’t want you unless I can have *this*...” she jabbed her finger into his heart and tears came to her eyes. “... and I can’t *have* this so I don’t want *you*.”

She started to turn away, but Harm caught her elbow and turned her back around. He took her hand in his and placed them both over his heart. His voice was filled with barely controlled emotion.

“You have *always* had *this*. Don’t you understand? No other woman but you has *ever* had it.”

Mac just stared into his eyes as tears filled her own. It seemed like ages passed before she could find her voice.

“You’re supposed to tell someone when you give them your heart, Harm.”

“I know... but you had it before I ever knew it was gone... and then I didn’t know how…”

“If I’d known, I would have taken much better care of it.”

“I know.” He whispered simply and then covered her lips with his own. They were suddenly both lost in a frenzy of hands and lips and clothing. Love and desire bubbled to the surface in an overwhelming rush.

------------------

Later...

“Mac?” His breathing was laboured.

“Mmmm?” She couldn’t even speak.

“Am I allowed to say it now?”

“Say... what?”

Harm let his breath out in a rush. “Oh my God, Sarah...”

Mac laughed as much as she had the breath for at that moment as he rolled to his side and brought her with him. “‘Oh my God’ is right Harm.” She grinned at him giddily. “That was...” She searched for words that she knew would never be adequate.

“Better than Oscar?”

Mac only grinned wider. “Who the hell’s Oscar?”


THE END