PART 22

HARM AND MAC’S HOUSE
WILLESDEN GREEN
LONDON, NW2
22 DECEMBER 2007
1020 ZULU

Harm and Mac were afraid to look at each other now.

“Well, I guess it could have happened back at the factory of course… but that would be a little hard to prove I guess… wouldn’t it?” Mac mused almost hopefully.

Gibbs’ infallible 'Spidy Sense' had kicked in on this one when he first heard the news, now it was buzzing like a four alarmer at a fire station. He attempted to hide the smile that was tickling the corners of his mouth. “Well, we weren’t going to waste time going there actually. We’ve already ruled it an accident… unless of course you think there’s more to it? I could always get Abby to take another look…”

“No!” Harm and Mac almost shouted at once. Harm’s head fell slightly – he knew they weren’t playing this very well. His only hope was that Gibbs already knew exactly what they were thinking and had already decided to let it go.

Gibbs couldn’t resist taking it one final step. “I suppose it could have been an inside job.” He mused. “I’m sure there must have been a number of people in there that may have wanted Palmer dead…”

Harm and Mac just nodded vaguely. “Yeah, I suppose that’s possible.” They both agreed.

“But… unless you two have any reason for wanting to continue, I have no urge to waste resources on the likes of Clark Palmer.”

“No, you’re right” Mac stepped in quickly. “We have no wish to investigate this further. We just want to be sure that he’s dead so we can go on with our lives.”

“Understood” Gibbs smiled and stood up. “I’ll get back to you on that, but for now I really have to catch a flight back to DC.”

Harm and Mac both stood as well.

“Thanks so much for coming to see us, Jethro” Harm extended his hand. “Once again my life was in your hands and I managed to come out relatively unscathed. I appreciate that.”

“Hey” Gibbs just smiled. “I just wish it could been resolved faster.”

Mac smiled. “Jethro, I would love to say that I hope to see you again sometime, but I’m not so sure that would be a good idea…”

Gibbs just laughed. “I understand. It sure is a killer on the old ego when people are never happy to see you.”

“Well, maybe you should fix that by making social calls every once and a while.” Mac’s smile almost melted Jethro’s knees. He suddenly had a fleeting regret that he hadn’t really met her before she was married. He would have given Rabb a run for his money.

With final handshakes all around, Harm closed the door behind Gibbs and turned to Mac with his mouth slightly agape. “You don’t think…?”

There was a moment of consideration before they both shook their heads in disbelief. “Naaawwwww…”

HARM AND MAC’S HOUSE
WILLESDEN GREEN
LONDON, NW2
22 DECEMBER 2007
1140 ZULU

Mac walked into the kitchen and smiled, observing the scene in front of her. Evan sat at the kitchen table, preparing for his lunch by attempting to squirt a huge dollop of ketchup onto his plate. He was still dressed in his footed pyjamas (at least the bottoms anyway) and dark grey woollen sweater thrown over top. His little tongue stuck out between his lips in concentration as he attempted valiantly to keep most of the ketchup from blazing a trail over the kitchen table instead of his plate.
Harm stood at the stove in jeans, bare feet and a blue plaid flannel shirt that he had rolled up high enough on both arms that it exposed his bulging biceps. The flannel shirt was undone and untucked and he wore a maddeningly tight white t-shirt underneath. Mac suddenly had to resist the urge to rip every stitch of clothing he wore off of him.
He flipped the grilled cheese sandwich with finesse as he contentedly hummed along to the Dave Matthews Band CD playing on the stereo. Mac leaned happily against the doorframe for a moment and took a snapshot in her mind – this was a scene she wanted to recall when she was ninety-five. There were large snow flakes coming down outside the window behind Harm and the woodstove in the kitchen crackled with a deep warmth that kept this old draughty house just perfect in these winter months.

She sat down beside Evan and ruffled his hair. “Whatchya havin’ for lunch little man?”

“Gwilled cheeeese!” he smiled with glee.

“Mmmmm… sounds good. Can a Mommy get in on any of this grilled cheese action?”

Harm just raised an eyebrow suggestively in her direction. “Mac, you can get in on all the action you want…you know that.” He smiled as he cut up the sandwich for Evan and dropped it on his plate. “Now if you want me to make you a grilled cheese sandwich, I suppose I could do that too.”

"Ha, ha - very funny." She walked up to the counter and watched him as he started to butter the bread for her sandwich.

Suddenly his demeanour turned serious and he spoke quietly. “Mac… uh… how are we for cash? I mean… I need to get some shopping done and quickly if you know what I mean.” He nodded over his shoulder at Evan.

“We have some.” She nodded and bit her lip – unsure exactly how much of their financial situation she should reveal to him.

She had included him on all the big things as they happened – when she had been forced to have Sturgis sell her car. They had fought over which corvette should be sacrificed. In the end she convinced him it should be hers, simply because he'd lost his once already and she knew how much it had killed him then. She never told him that though - she just told him that hers was… well, replaceable. He was also made aware when she had enlisted Frank’s help. She had let it go as long as possible, but it wasn’t cheap to live in London. Harm had been upset at her going to Frank, but he was more upset at the prospect of Mac and Evan going without. In the end, Mac had soothed Harm’s temper by passing on what Frank had told her – “Sarah – I once gave you two $50,000 so Harm could buy a MIG-29 and then immediately crash it. I think I’m OK with this.” That had actually even made Harm laugh a little bit.

“Well, it’ll be better soon.” He offered. “The office is stood down until January 6th, but they should be reactivating my pay shortly thereafter.”

She rubbed her hand up over his bulging arm. “Yeah, well just make sure you don’t ever take your uniform jacket off once you get back to work or no one will believe the story that you were out for six months with a back injury.”

Harm nodded in agreement. “I know – I’ll have to be careful with that. Hopefully they’ll all just think I got fat.”

Mac smiled. “Good, maybe then that young petty officer will stop lusting after you. I’ve seen the looks she gives you.”

Harm just smiled shyly “Well, she’s out of luck – I only have eyes for the Marines.”

“Really?” Mac sided up to him. “I knew that MacRae was in your office way too much…”

“Ma-aac!”

She squealed and flew out of the kitchen as Harm flicked a pad of butter of off of the end of his knife and Evan clapped gleefully from his chair.

CHRISTMAS DAY
HARM AND MAC’S HOUSE
WILLESDEN GREEN
LONDON, NW2
25 DECEMBER 2007
0845 ZULU

Mac sipped cocoa and watched happily as Evan dug into yet another present. They had been able to get away with a lot this year. They had bought him a few things, but their friends had really helped out – knowing their financial circumstances – and Bud and Harriett and Trish and Frank had all bought him extra little presents so he would have more stuff to open. Watching him now, she thought she probably could have saved everyone the hassle and just wrapped up some little-used toy from last year and he would never have known the difference. For him it was all about getting *to* the present as it was what the present actually was.

This present was different though. Instead of casting it immediately aside like he had almost all the others, he quietly gazed at the box and considered it thoughtfully. She glanced at Harm and noticed he was watching his son intently.

Mac didn’t think she recognized the present he was holding, and almost got up to go over and inspect it, when Evan slowly got to his feet and brought it over to her on his own.

“Look, Mummy.” He said.

He handed her the box and she looked at it. It was a model F-14. She smiled at Harm and then turned back to Evan. “Wow honey – that’s great! You know, this is the kind of plane that your Daddy used to fly.”

“He still fwies dem.” Evan nodded his head up and down, looking for reinforcement.

“No sweetheart. Now if Daddy flies, he flies F-16s. These planes got too old to fly anymore.”

“Kinda like their pilots” Harm said a little dejectedly.

Mac just smiled and raised her eyebrow. “Honey – if you’re not too old to do what we did last night – you’re definitely not too old to fly some silly old supersonic aircraft.”

“Ma-aac!” Harm said in mock surprise. “Ix-nay on the ex-say in front of the *oy*-bay.”

Mac just giggled. “Oh my God, Harm – I can’t believe you just used Pig Latin.”

“What?!” Harm said indignantly and then just continued to look at her with a silly grin on his face.

Mac just nodded her head back and forth slowly in amazement, but never dropped her own grin, or her eyes from his.

Evan walked over and climbed up into Harm’s lap with his new present. Almost silently the two worked intently to free the model from its packaging. All the while, Evan sat unnaturally patient in Harm’s lap. When his father finally delivered the gift into his upturned palms, Mac almost felt she was witnessing a religious moment. For several minutes, Evan just ran his little hand over the wings and fuselage of the aircraft, then looked up into his father’s eyes and she thought she witnessed a little silent conversation between them. Before she was even sure she had seen it, Evan had slipped down off of Harm’s lap and raced off making zooming and whooshing sounds as he piloted the toy aircraft around the house. Harm just watched after him thoughtfully – chin on thumb and forefinger.

“Harm?” Mac sat down on the sofa beside him and he turned to face her.

“That box looked a little worse for wear. What – was it the last one on the shelf or something?” She really didn’t care about the condition of the box, but she had a sneaky suspicion that she was trying to follow up on.

Harm guessed she was on to him and acquiesced with a smile. “Nawww… I’ve... uh... had that for awhile.” He looked down into his lap.

“OK Rabb – spill it.” She put her elbow on the back of the couch and leaned her head into her hand while she gazed at him admiringly.

Harm took a deep breath and let it out in defeat. “Shortly after Annie left, I found myself in a toy store one day and I saw this on the shelf. My first thought was of how much Josh would have loved it – then I realized I wasn’t in a position to buy it for him anymore.” He smiled with the memory, “Actually, I half considered buying it for him anyway – just to be a *total* prick…”

“Harm!” Mac said accusingly but with a smile, and slapped him playfully on the arm.

“Well, anyway… I stood there just looking at it and it suddenly hit me how much I had enjoyed being a sort of father to Josh. I had always felt that I wanted to have a wife and kids some day, but until that moment I hadn’t actually been sure that it was something… well – that I’d be good at. At that moment I suddenly felt very empty inside – like there was a chunk missing out of my life.”

Mac mused. “I had no idea men actually *had* biological clocks.”

Harm looked at her out of the corner of his eye and smiled. “Yeah – I guess you’re right. Well – I felt really kind of lonely then, so I bought it – just to promise myself that I *would* be a dad again one day – and I would give it to my son or daughter.”

Mac smiled but had to bite her top lip. “You are a really good Dad you know Harm. I always knew you would be.”

He smiled at her “Yeah – I remember you telling me so a couple of times. Thanks for that. In fact, I remember you telling me that the night before we first got together.”

Mac blushed and dipped her head. “Yeah – well, it had been a running theme in my head for a long time. It’s no surprise that it found it’s way to the surface a couple of times.”

There was comfortable silence for a moment before Mac spoke again. “So, it’s almost 10 years old – I guess that accounts for the state of the box.”

“Yeah, it spent a lot of years in the back of my closet and has been through one move and two trips into the garbage can...”

“Really” Mac said sadly – knowing what that implied.

“Yeah” Harm said softly. “The first time I threw it out was just before I left to go on my quals – just before you were going to marry Mic.”

“Really?” was all she could say again.

“Yeah” he laughed bitterly “Somehow the thought of owning that once I got home and you were married to Mic… well…” He didn’t need to finish the sentence.

“Luckily, my garbage was still there when I got out of the hospital and… suddenly there was a little sliver of hope. I remember seeing it there just before I tied up the garbage to take out, so I took it out and threw it in the back of my closet again.”

“Let me guess… the second time you threw it out was after Paraguay.”

Harm just smiled at her “Give the girl a meat pie.”

They laughed.

“Yeah – that time it didn’t spend very long in the garbage.” He suddenly looked incredibly sad. “I don’t know what happened. I was so mad at you and when I saw the damn thing in the back of the closet, I immediately grabbed it and tossed it. For some reason though, the very act of that… it just caused a switch to flip in my mind somewhere. Suddenly it hit me – the words that you had used – that you had actually finally voiced the word ‘never’… it all just hit me all of a sudden that it really *wasn’t* going to work out for us. I just sat down and cried my eyes out Mac, I’m sorry to admit it, but I did.”

Mac let a tear slip over her cheek at the memory of those painful times.

“When I couldn’t cry anymore I suddenly just turned angry again. I cursed you for having the ability to squash all my hopes with a single word and in defiance – and of course to prove you wrong, like I always loved to do – I grabbed the box out of the garbage and threw it back in the closet.”

There was silence between them and Mac realized that at some point she had taken Harm’s hand in hers and was now rubbing her thumb back and forth on the back of it.

Harm had been staring straight ahead of him, but he suddenly shook his head almost imperceptibly. “Anyway, what happened just now… I just… well – I didn’t expect him to… *like* it so much.”

“Really?”

Harm quickly turned to her and smiled “Well, I mean I *hoped* he would, but I didn’t want to have any expectations… I mean, I didn’t want to be one of those fathers that pushed their ideals on their kids…”

He suddenly turned to Mac “I didn’t push, did I?”

Mac smiled at him “No, I’d say he comes by it honestly.” She paused “I mean, he’s a Rabb – it’s in his blood.”

Harm looked at her hesitantly. “Are you… OK with that? I mean, being an aviator hasn’t always been the best career choice for Rabb men… health wise…”

Mac squeezed Harm’s hand tightly. “Harm – I’m not Annie.” She smiled a teary smile. “I fell for a man in Dress Whites and Gold Wings remember? How could I not want as much as possible of the man that I love to carry over into our children?”

Harm’s eyes filled with tears and he immediately swung his arm around her and pulled her into his shoulder forcefully. Kissing the top of her head, he whispered “I love you, Sarah.”

“I love you too, Flyboy.”

After a few moments of silence where they simply gazed at the lights of the Christmas tree, Mac suddenly giggled quietly.

“What’s so funny?”

“Just thinking how much you’ve changed over the years Harm.”

“You think so?”

“Oh yeah – you never used to be able to open up like this before.”

“Yeah – I always had to have my lifeline, right? Wasn’t that what you said?”

“And now you’ve let go of your lifeline?”

“Hell Mac, I not only don’t have a lifeline, I don’t have a life *jacket*…”

Mac dissolved into little giggles against his chest.

“… I don’t even have one of those damn… floating seat cushions or anything…”

Mac’s laughter erupted even louder as she snuggled as close as she could into the side of his body.

END PART 22