(Disclaimer: Once again, I take no credit for Mac’s vows for the same reason as before.).

PART 9


NATIONAL REHABILITATION HOSPITAL
FIRST STREET NW
WASHINGTON, D.C.

28 JUNE 2005
1430 ZULU

Mac was driving one of the Robert’s cars down to the Rehab Hospital to meet Harm and Mattie. After the whirlwind of the weekend, they had unfinished business to take care of on that Tuesday morning – the hearing to gain custody of Mattie. Mac had stayed behind after the hearing to finish up the paperwork while Harm went ahead to tell Mattie the good news. The hearing had been successful and they had been granted temporary custody. Tom hadn’t even contested – hadn’t even sent representation. Harm had tried his old watering holes yesterday in order to make sure he even knew the hearing was taking place, but he hadn’t been able to locate him.

As Mac pulled into the parking lot of the hospital, she felt butterflies in her stomach. She was about to see Mattie for the first time as her new ‘Mom’. Even though it was only temporary custody – it was the first in a series of steps that would make the ‘Mom’ thing a reality. This first step seemed to her by far to be the biggest.

As she walked down the hallway towards Mattie’s room, she was surprised to hear the sound of raised voices – even more surprised to identify one of them as Harm’s. As she turned to enter the doorway to Mattie’s room, she was almost knocked over by her new husband who was making a very determined exit from the room. He stopped short and glared at Mac with eyes flashing a very intense shade of green. He took a breath, like he was about to say something to her, but then turned away and clamped his mouth shut. Without even looking at her again, he stormed down the hallway.

“Harm?”

He didn’t even turn around. She fought the urge to go after him, deciding instead it might be easier to get the story out of Mattie first. She cautiously entered the room and gave Mattie a tentative smile. “Hey there?”

Mattie looked up with red-rimmed eyes. “Hey” she replied dejectedly.

Mac ventured further into the room. “Uh… what was that all about?”

“He didn’t tell you?”

“No, uh… he didn’t stop to explain after he drove over me out in the hallway…”

Mattie groaned. “Oh, he’s really mad at me.”

Mac sat down on the chair next to the bed. “Yeah, I kinda gathered that. Any particular reason or is it just ‘National Get-Angry-At-Children-In-The-Hospital Day?”

Mattie broke a small smile for the first time. “No, I pretty much made him that way all on my own.” She looked up at Mac tentatively. “I’m really sorry Mac – I really appreciate all you guys are doing for me and I want you to know that I still want us to be a family and all… hell, you guys are the only family I have now…”

Mac felt a blush cross her cheeks. “But…?”

“…but it’s just that it looks like I might be well enough to go to college this year after all. I just have to finish the high school exams I missed because of the accident. Mac, I had made plans – I have friends going to college where I want to go. People who’ll help me get through the year – Jen has promised to do whatever she can to help me.” She looked sadly at Mac, “I just don’t know if I want to pick up and move to England and start over there from scratch. I mean, I know I’d have you guys but…”

Mac stopped her from needing to finish. “Honey, I completely understand – you don’t need to explain.”

“Really?”

“Really.” Mac replied confidently. “You’re 17 years old Mattie – you’re about to start out on your young life. Harm unfortunately took on his roll as ‘Father’ over you right at a time when most kids are coming out from under their parent’s wings.” She took Mattie’s hand. “Listen kiddo, you know Harm – he always wants to be the protector – wants to be there and help as best he can. It’s not going to be easy for him to let you go so soon.”

Mattie looked down at the sheets and then back up at Mac. “Do you think you’ll be able to smooth things over with him?”

Mac smiled a sly smile at her and replied confidently. “I think so…” she held up her left hand and rolled the rings there back and forth with her thumb. “…I’ve got an ace-in-the-hole now.” She winked.

Mattie grinned at her. “I think that is awesome, by the way. Saturday was so great – such a beautiful wedding. I always knew you guys would sort yourselves out.”

Mac looked surprised. “How did you know there was anything to ‘sort out’?”

Mattie just grinned again. “Oh, Harm told me.”

“What? He told you what?”

“That he loved you.”

“When did he tell you *that*?!”

Mattie rolled her eyes up to the ceiling in thought. “Oh maybe a year ago I guess.”

Mac just shook her head in wonder. “Just out of the blue he told you that?”

“No, but I could sense something between you two, so I just asked him one day… and he told me.” Mattie could sense Mac’s frustration and uneasiness even though she was trying to hide it with humour. “See Mac, that’s one thing I’m sure you must have known about Harm but you never used to it’s full extent – *he’ll never lie*. Surely to God you of all people know that. If you really want to know something, you just have to come out and ask him. You just have to make sure you don’t give him an option of answering cryptically – and if he does, just ask him again in a different way. Eventually he’ll have to answer you truthfully – it’s just the way he is.”

Mac shook her head slowly in wonder. For such a young kid Mattie sure was wise beyond her years. And she had been able to paraphrase Harm to a tee – and tell her something she always knew, but hadn’t ever really admitted to herself. She had always had the ability to get answers from Harm, she had just never tried hard enough – maybe because she was afraid of the answers she would get. She looked at her hands and then looked up and smiled at Mattie. “You are a very smart girl – you know that, don’t you?”

Mattie looked sarcastically back at Mac, “Well, that’s what I keep trying to tell my teachers but they never believe me!” she winked.

Before Mac had even thought about it, she stood up, leaned over the bed and gave Mattie a gentle hug as best she could. “How ‘bout I try and go smooth things over with the old man?”

Mattie smiled at her. “I’d like that. Thanks.”

Mac pointed a finger at her as she disappeared through the door. “Don’t thank me yet - you haven’t seen the results!”

“I have faith!” Mattie called through the doorway.

Mac smiled as she walked down the hallway. Did they just have mother/daughter moment she wondered? Well, whatever it was, it felt awfully nice.

Mac walked out into the bright June morning and scanned the immediate vicinity of the hospital grounds. She didn’t have to look far to find the figure of the man she was looking for. He was sprawled out on the park bench, one leg stuck straight out with his heel on the grass in front of him, both elbows hooked behind the back of the bench, spitting sunflower seed shells angrily into the breeze. She approached him silently from behind but he still sensed her presence.

“What are you doing?”

He let fly another shell into the air. “Trying desperately not to smoke.”

She walked forward and sat herself next to him on the bench. “I knew those things would suck you back in.”

“Mac, please… don’t start…”

“Don’t start with what? The cigars or the adolescent tantrum you’re throwing.”

“*I’m* throwing!?” he turned and glared at her.

Mac just glared back at him without wavering. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

Harm clamped his mouth together and looked away. “Didn’t she fill you in?”

“She did, but I’m wondering if you somehow heard a different story, because the story I got didn’t seem to warrant this kind of behaviour from a sane human being.”

Harm turned to her angrily. “Mac! She wants to stay here by herself! How could I let her do that?! What kind of parent would I be if I took off to another continent and left her here on her own?!”

“Well, I’ve got news for you Flyboy – you already did that.”

“Mac! I had no choice! You know that! How could you say that to me?!”

“Harm, I’m saying that she was fine while we were in England, wasn’t she? She had friends to look after her – she had Jen…”

“Yes, but that’s not the point...”

“Yes, that is *exactly* the point Harm! Listen, not that I’m an expert on this by any means, but I understand that you reach a point in parenting when you have to let your kids go and do what they need to do.”

“But Mac, we just got custody of her…” he was almost whining.

“Yes, and because of that, Mattie knows that she will *always* have a place to come to if she needs us. She knows that she can depend on us for anything. But Harm, you know she is more than capable of doing this. She’s going to be in this Hospital for a while still, and then maybe when the time comes for her to leave here, she’ll be able to move back in with Jen. Harm, you *know* this is the right thing for her. Shipping her back to London with us is only good for you.”

Harm just angrily spit another projectile shell into the air. “It feels like I’m failing her, Mac.”

“You know you’re not.”

“What if there’s an emergency and I’m not here for her?”

“We’ll make sure that others will be.”

”I miss her Mac.”

“I know.” She put her hand tentatively on his thigh. “That’s the part that I can’t fix for you.”

Harm covered her hand with his, but continued to stare into the distance. Once again he hated it when she was right. How the hell was it that he had beat her in court so many times anyway?

Mac got up and held her hand out to Harm. Harm just stared at it sullenly.

“Mac… I can’t.” He choked. “You were there at the Wall on Saturday night. I promised my Dad. I promised him we’d be a family that nothing could break apart…”

“… And nothing will, Harm. We are making this family strong by letting Mattie fly when she needs to." She once again held out her hand for Harm to take. "Don’t do this, Harm – don’t make this about you.”

Harm just stared at Mac with a look of awed silence. The look in his eyes lasted long enough that it made her almost uncomfortable and she shuddered. The shudder was obvious enough for Harm to notice and it broke him out of his spell.

“Mac?” he said with concern.

“Nothing. It’s just…” she smiled, “… I had a little déja-vu there.”

“Weird. So did I.” he said with a stunned expression.

“Really? Do you remember where from?”

Harm sat himself up slowly. “Yeah… actually I do.” He looked at Mac with a slight smile. “Do you remember when your Dad died?”

“How could I forget?” she smiled and sat down again beside him.

“The Admiral went away on personal business and I was in charge of the office while he was gone?”

“Yeah?”

“We were sitting in his office at the end of a very long day – the day my vette was stolen…” he cringed, “…and I was asking you how it had been… you know, with seeing your mom and stuff…”

“… and I thanked you for those beautiful flowers you had sent me…”

“… you had gotten through that whole situation like such a real trooper… all by yourself… and you sounded so… together.” He laughed embarrassedly and looked at his shoes before looking up again. “I was listening to you and thinking how proud I was of you for getting through that… and then I suddenly noticed the way the setting sun was shining through the window and illuminating your face and it was like…” He stared at her seriously. “… it was like I saw you in a whole new light, Mac. And I knew at that moment that I had to have you.” He looked down again. “I think I didn’t understand if it was lust… or love… but I knew that somehow, someday, I had to have you…" He looked up and caught her gaze with his eyes. "Mac, I know I don’t tell you this often enough, but you really are one of the wisest people I know…”

“You mean you don’t just want me for my body?” she smirked sarcastically.

Harm cupped her cheek and gave her a flyboy grin. “Oh, sweet thing you know I do…”

She nuzzled the palm of his hand and he took his hand away and picked up hers. For a moment he just stared at the rings on her left hand and twisted them around her finger absent-mindedly – like he was waiting for something to register.

“… but you keep me grounded, Mac. You always have. I guess that’s one of the reasons I love you so much. I know it probably didn’t seem like it sometimes, but I always wanted your opinion. You were always the first one I looked to for advice - and in later years – even when I didn’t come to you as often, it wasn’t because I didn’t want to… it was just pride holding me back…”

Mac put her finger to his lips. “Shhhh…” she breathed with her lips just inches from his. “I know…” she tentatively kissed his lips and he closed his eyes in surrender. She held his head in her hands and they stayed that way for a moment – not taking the kiss any further, but not pulling away. Finally she kissed his cheek and whispered again. “I know Harm. That’s one of the reasons I fell in love with you. You were one of the only men I ever knew that respected me as an intellectual equal and not just…” she sat up straight and looked down at her front. “… well, you know… ‘boobs’”

Harm laughed, “Well, I can’t honestly say I didn’t notice those…”

Mac smiled at him and slapped his arm playfully. "Well, I guess we do make a pretty good team you and I."

"Only when you let me do the thinking."

"Only when you let me do the talking." She smiled while they continued to look at each other in comfortable silence. After a brief moment, she continued. “So you’re saying that you’re going to go apologize to Mattie? Let her stay here?”

Harm pursed his lips briefly and nodded his head. “Yeah… yeah I will Mac… but could you give me a little time? I just need to sit here a while by myself and come to grips with this whole thing.”

Mac tentatively agreed. “Sure.” She stood up and gestured to the car. I guess I’ll just head back to Bud and Harriet’s…”

“Thanks”

She walked backwards a few steps and then turned with a reassuring smile and walked back to the parking lot. Harm followed her with his eyes as long as he could. In his mind he was replaying the events of Saturday. He truly couldn’t believe how beautiful she had looked coming up the aisle in her wedding dress. His mouth had suddenly gone dry and he must have turned pale or something because Bud had asked him if he was alright. All he could remember was that everything had suddenly seemed so real at that point, and yet also like some sort of dream. The exact same feeling had come over him later when she stood there and made a vow to him. He thought he could still remember her exact words;

‘Harm, I take you as my best friend for life. I promise to stand beside you through thick and thin, through good and bad, through joy and sorrow. I want to spend the rest of my life hearing your thoughts and seeing your dreams. I promise to do my best to make our lives better and better from this day on because I am so amazed by you. Our love may be like the ebb and tide of the ocean, but it will always flow. Through the good and bad, I want you to always know that I will be by your side, and at this moment I know that all my prayers have been answered and that all of my dreams have come true.’

He had just wanted to kiss her right then and there – it was all he could do to hold back and wait for the appropriate time – that stupid appropriate time. Why couldn’t he just kiss her whenever he wanted to? He’d waited nine years for that privilege and he didn’t want to take a step backwards.

And finally, later as they exited the church as man and wife for the first time and they had approached the sabre arch, the light had played a trick on him and glinted off the awaiting car at the end of the arch at such an angle that it was blinding and he could see nothing else. It was like he was suddenly stepping into a bright white light as if stepping into the unknown – something that had formerly terrified him. He had been immediately overwhelmed with panic, but then he had caught sight of those people that were making up the arch – Bud, Keeter, Tiner… they all looked so confident and happy – like they knew this was the way things were supposed to be… and these people loved him – they wouldn’t lead him into a new life that was wrong. Then he turned to kiss Mac and all apprehension dissolved immediately. Her eyes held such love and devotion that he couldn’t believe he had questioned what he was doing at all. He had stepped into that arch without reservation – no longer afraid of what the unknown had to offer. After about three steps, the sun was no longer reflecting off the car with the same angle and he could clearly see what was at the end of the sabre arch, but by that time he knew it know longer mattered.

The sound of his cell phone quacking snapped his thoughts back to the present. ‘Quacking’???? He laughed and shook his head – it sometimes amazed him that they had recently been able to recapture the humour and camaraderie that their earlier relationship had held - back before things had all gone to hell in a hand basket. They had at one point been great practical jokers. Mac’s favourite was to tape down Harm’s telephone handset and then call him. Harm on the other hand was more into the craftier aspect of his pranks. Always changing them up and coming up with something new. His personal best was the one time he had stolen the ball out the mouse on her computer. She had restarted her computer three times and finally had Tiner in there trying to figure out why her cursor wouldn’t move by the time she had the wherewithal to look up and catch the shit-eating grin on Harm’s face. Now apparently they were downloading outrageously silly ring-tones into each other’s cell phones. He grinned emphatically as he answered the phone “Rabb.”

“Hi – it’s Harriet!” the voice at the other end said.

“Hey Harriet – what’s up? If you’re looking for your car, Mac’s on her way back right now.”

“No – that’s not it actually. I… uh… I was just wondering if I could talk to *you* later. I have something kind of important to discuss and I don’t want to do it over the phone….” She hesitated awkwardly. “I just wondered if you had time for a little chat before you guys leave tomorrow.”

“Sure Harriet.” Harm said with concern and confusion. “Do you want to meet at your house?”

“No, I’d rather not actually. Do you know that bagel shop around the corner?”

“Yeah?”

“Say around 8pm tonight?”

“Sure Harriet”

“OK. It’s a date then.” She laughed uncomfortably. “I’ll see you then – bye!”

“Bye”.

Harm looked questioningly at the phone as he closed it, then stood to go back inside the hospital and do one of the hardest things he’d had ever had to do.

END PART 9