A/N – This assumes that the last 7 ½ minutes of FWFS never occurred. The last Harm and Mac saw each other before going their separate ways was in Mac’s apartment after Harm came over to “discuss real estate.” The story also makes no mention of Mattie because in my JAG dream world, she’s not a central figure. It’s all about Harm and Mac. So, forgive me in advance if that is not to your liking.

A/N – This story contains the lines from Cece’s February and March challenges but because of its length, it doesn’t really qualify for the challenge.

Disclaimers as usual.

The Distance Between

Prologue

Mac’s Apartment

Georgetown

“So, ah, were you ready for all this?”

“Were you?” Harm looked to the side, not sure of what was coming next.

“Well, I’ve been dreading it for a while,” Mac pauses, “but, now that it’s here it doesn’t seem so bad.” Mac wills herself not to look at him and continues. “You know, just taking it, one day at a time.”

Harm felt like he had been stabbed in the heart. All he could do was nod and look away. Well, I guess it’s really over, he thought to himself. He said his goodbyes and headed out her door for the last time.

Chapter 1

Somewhere Over the Atlantic Ocean

As Harm sat in the plane for the long ride to London, he reviewed the past nine years of his life. Women had come, women had gone. But only one woman remained within his very being. Lodged in his heart. He now understood what being lovesick was really all about. He was suffering from a bad case of it. Knowing that he was heading thousands of miles away from the woman he loved, knowing that their paths my never cross again, knowing that he never fully divulged to her how he felt, knowing that he had to start anew was more than he wanted to deal with. He sat back and let the miles accumulate between them.

Somewhere Over the Midwest

Mac sat on the plane to California wondering if she was doing the right thing. The roar of the engines seemed to reverberate in her head as if it were repeatedly questioning her actions. Why had she said what she said to Harm in her apartment? It is really not so bad? Because right about now, it felt like she had made the biggest mistake of her life. Sure, she was used to taking care of herself with nobody to help. She was a self made woman in many ways. But she couldn’t help wondering if it was time to let someone in. Not just someone, Harm. It could never be anyone but Harm. She closed her eyes willing the pain to soften and become just slightly bearable.

Mac’s Office

San Diego, California

Mac had been buried in work since she got to California. Thank goodness for Jen. She had been a life saver. Mac couldn’t remember a time when she had been so busy. She had forgotten how much work it was to manage so many people and the case load that carried them through the day. She was physically exhausted but was professionally at ease.

She had landed in San Diego about a month prior, and since then she hadn’t allowed herself to even think about Harm for more than a moment at a time, as hard as that was. But he was always in the shadows of her mind, constantly following her wherever she went, no matter what she was doing.

She walked out of her office to get a cup of coffee. As she did, she saw the back of a man in dress whites and could swear that it was Harm but when he turned around, she saw that it wasn’t him. She was shaken by that; was overcome with sadness and a deep hole formed in her stomach, bile rising up in her throat. Her longing for him and all of the things she had been blocking out of her mind came crashing down upon her, reaching into her soul, staring her in the face. In a moment of what she considered either weakness or craziness, she decided to write him an email.

Hi Harm,

I just wanted to drop you a note. I’ve been meaning to get in touch but life has been so busy. I often times have an urge to go seek you out in your office like we are still back in Falls Church and I one time actually started to get out of my chair to go and ask you a question. Can you believe that?

Work is crazy! It’s so busy that sometimes I forget what day it is. No snide comments please. But my staff is wonderful and Jen, well, you know Jen, she’s just been great. My apartment is still a mess. I’ve hardly had a moment to myself to unpack. I have to think that at this point I will be living out of boxes for a very long time.

I hope you are well and I hope things are working out for you. I have no doubt in my mind that they chose the right man for the job.

Yours,

Mac

She read and re-read the passages she wrote over and over again, tinkering with this word and that, never finding the courage to hit the send button. Would he think it was stupid? Would he be surprised? Would he even write back?

Suddenly, she’s interrupted.

Coates knocked lightly on her door and poked her head in. “Ma’am? General Watson is on line one for you.”

Quickly, she hits the send button and takes the call.

Harm’s Office

London, England

Harm had been working in London for a month now and things were really starting to fall into place. His staff was great, the work was interesting. He was working more hours that he ever remembered logging before which was great because it took his mind off of the pain he felt whenever he saw a marine uniform, whenever he was in his apartment alone, whenever he got a whiff of perfume that reminded him of Mac.

Harm was just about to shut down his computer for the evening when he heard the all too familiar chime that told him he had new mail. He was very tempted to simply ignore it until morning but being in the position he was in, it would not be a good thing if it turned out to be something he needed to attend to right away. He pulled up his mail window and at the sight of the name on the new email in his inbox, his heart jumped into his throat. He was thrilled and scared all at the same time. He froze for a minute, simply staring at her name, before opening the message.

After reading it more times than he could remember, he decided to write back.

Hey Mac,

You just caught me. I was just about to fly out of here. I have to say that I’m very happy to hear from you.

As for me, things here are pretty much like what you are experiencing. Too much work, not enough time to get life settled although I have to say that I have unpacked. How can you stand to live out of boxes?

The work here is very interesting and there’s almost more of it than we can handle. I’m going to start pursuing getting some more help over here. As for the help I do have, most of it is top notch so that makes things bearable. But I miss the camaraderie of Falls Church. There have been many times where I found myself wishing that I had you and Bud here to help. I often have cases hit my desk which I know would be perfect for you.

Well, I’m going home. It’s way too late here. Have a great day in sunny CA.

Take care,

Harm

Harm quickly hit the send button and headed out into the cool, damp London nighttime.

Mac’s Office

San Diego, California

Mac was startled to see such a quick response from Harm. She almost knocked over her coffee reaching for the mouse to open the message. She read it quickly and felt her heart grow heavy with sheer longing for the man who still held her heart and soul in the palm of his hand.

“What am I doing here?” she whispered.

Chapter 2

Harm’s Apartment

London, England

A Few Months Later

Harm heard his phone ringing as he walked into his apartment and ran to catch it.

“Rabb.”

“Hello Harmon.”

“Hi mom. Everything ok?”

“Oh yes, everything is fine with me. How are things going across the sea?”

“Fine. I’m very busy at work though. This job is certainly a challenge but that seems to be just what I need.”

“To keep your mind off what is really important?”

This woman knows me too well, he thought before responding, “I guess you could say that.”

“Did you love her that much?”

“I didn’t realize how much until she was gone.” Harm took a deep breath and continued, “That’s always the way isn’t it?”

“It doesn’t have to be that way, you know.”

“I know, I know.” Harm was silent for a moment before he felt like he could continue. Changing the subject he asked, “So, how are you and Frank? What’s new?”

“Not much new here. Frank is fine. I’m fine. No big adventures on our end.”

“Well, that’s good to know. Hey, send my best to Frank, will you?”

“Of course I will.” She paused for a moment and then continued. “I’m worried about you, you know.”

“Mom. I’m fine. Really.”

“You say you’re fine but I know that there is a part of you that isn’t fine. And I think it may be time for you to do something about that.”

“I’m not sure what to do at this point.”

“Well, maybe you could start with being honest with yourself.”

“It’s very complicated.”

“Harmon, life is complicated. But when you have it in your power to make it a bit less complicated and then don’t do anything about it, well, then you are your own worst enemy. You have to search your life out. And when you think you’ve found it, hold on to it. Don’t let it pass you by.”

“I’m trying. Really. Thanks mom.”

“Sure. I just want to see you happy. That’s all any mother wants for her children.”

“I know.”

The talked a bit longer and then hung up. Harm sat in the dark of his apartment for a few minutes longer contemplating his mother’s words before finding the strength to get up and change.

Mac’s Apartment

San Diego, California

Mac was busy trying to finally unpack some of the boxes she had been neglecting. She could only wonder to herself what the real reason was as to why she hadn’t fully unpacked. Feeling like she couldn’t tackle another box, she decided to call Harriet.

“Hello?”

“Hi Harriet. It’s Mac.”

“Ma’am!”

“Harriet, please, no more ma’am.”

“I’m sorry. It’s a hard habit to break. So how are you? How’s California? I bet it’s wonderful out there. Oh, to be able to go to the beach whenever you want. That would be heaven.”

“It’s fine. Busy, but fine. But unfortunately, I haven’t found very much time to go to the beach.”

“Well, you better make time for that. You know what they say, all work and no play.”

“I know Harriet. I’ll try. I’m still trying to go through all of the boxes of stuff I had shipped out here. I don’t think I’ll ever finish.”

“Well, if I were there, I’d be glad to help.”

“I know. I’m sure you would have this place in top order in no time.”

“Well, thank you. That’s so nice of you to say.”

“Well, it’s the truth. It’s so hard being somewhere where you know very few people. After spending nine years in one place, it’s hard to leave and not miss what you left behind.”

“I can only imagine. We miss you and the Commander, oh, gosh, I forgot! The Captain! Anyway, we miss you two so much.”

“I miss you too. I’m sure Harm does as well.”

“Have you talked to him? He sounds great! Really diving into things over in London. We’re so proud of him.”

“Oh, that’s great. I actually haven’t spoken with him, but we have emailed each other now and again.”

“Oh.”

Mac felt the need to change subjects, and quick. “So, how are the kids and Bud?”

“They’re fine. The kids are getting big and keeping me going non stop. Bud’s really busy at JAG but he’s loving it. Right now he’s outside playing with the kids. I love watching them play. It makes me smile. He’s so good with them. I can’t believe I almost lost him. I just can’t imagine what life would be without him.”

“I know what you mean Harriet. I’m so glad that everything’s worked out for you. I don’t know two more deserving people.”

Harriet almost said that she could think of two more deserving people but she dared not. They gossiped a bit about their mutual acquaintances and then hung up. The phone call left Harriet wondering if things really were over between Harm and Mac. The same call left Mac longing for Harm and a life she was letting pass her by more than she could almost bear.

Chapter 3

Over the next few months, Harm and Mac emailed each other every now and again. They used these emails to bounce work ideas off each other and they both began to rely on the advice tendered by the other. Both wanted to delve into deeper issues but neither one could find the courage to start such a conversation and each felt that doing so would be awkward and uncomfortable, especially over email.

Mac’s Apartment

San Diego, CA

Early one Saturday morning, Mac awoke after an almost sleepless night longing for the sound of Harm’s voice. She had been thinking lately that she had almost forgotten what he actually sounded like which served to further her misery and longing for all things Harm. She often struggled to pull from the trenches of her mind the timbre of his voice. She heard his words as they were written on her screen but she ached to hear those words spoken aloud, no matter what those words may be, to be able to lose herself in, wrap herself around the sound of him, deep, soothing, and comforting as a thick blanket.

She slid out of bed and got ready to go jogging. Outside, the air was refreshingly cool and crisp. Running, she became lost in thought. Lately, everything reminded her of Harm. She was happy to be emailing him on a semi-regular basis but even though that was vaguely comforting, it left her yearning, pining for more. On she ran, by the gourmet market, by the fruit stand, by the gym, each and every place she passed encompassed a part of him and his shadow seemed to be nipping at her heels.

Continuing to run, now faster and slightly erratic, her surroundings appeared almost surreal. Not only could she not believe that she was living here but she also couldn’t imagine how she could continue to live so far away from him; the sheer force of his pull on her served to throw her off balance, creating ghosts inside her very being which haunted her at every turn, constantly making her examine who she had become.

Why couldn’t she open herself up to him in their last few months together and not push him away as hard as she could? Why had she let him walk away? Why had she walked away for that matter? Why was she living her life in a vacuum by not letting him in? Why could she only let in people whom she really didn’t care about and even then not really let them in? Why was it so hard to reclaim any amount of personal self worth that her past had robbed from her? Professionally, she was on her game and had been for a long time. Personally, she had never been in a good place and she wondered if there would ever be a time when she would. She longed to go forward, take a step in the right direction.

Coming home, she collapsed on the couch lost in her very spirit, frantically trying to make sense of the thoughts and emotions that were swirling around her as if she were thrown in a tempest and could find no way out. If she could only just hear his voice, maybe she could peek out of the dark place in which she now found herself. Finding some inner strength, she calculated what time it was in London, quickly found his phone number, and placed the call before she lost her nerve, her heart pounding loudly in her ears which each depression of the keypad.

Harm’s Apartment

London, England

It was a quiet, rainy day and Harm was rummaging around his apartment doing whatever he could to keep busy. The weekends always proved to be challenging. They afforded too much time to get lost in thoughts and visions of Mac, each of which typically proved daunting.

He couldn’t help envying the people around her, those that got to experience the joy of her smile, her laugh, her strong spirit. He was jealous of these unknown people wondering what they did to deserve her presence and what he did to seemingly not merit the same.

He often saw in the far reaches of his mind her face, her smile, her incredible body, her sweet and kind nature that shone through on so many occasions. He could almost feel the soft warmth of her skin, the moistness of the tears he had brushed off her cheeks, the soft curves of her body hugging his, lost in dance. He longed for the sweet taste of her mouth which he had savored only too infrequently. He regretting the times when she was ready and he could not let go. He continually questioned his past actions, wondering what force held him back.

He abruptly found himself at a loss of something to do when he spotted his guitar. Picking it up, he tuned it and began to strum softly. He soon became lost in what he was doing, which proved to successfully stymie his subconscious thought when the phone rang. He was surprised to hear it since he really hadn’t made many connections with people over here and he very rarely got personal calls from the states. He gently placed the guitar down and walked over to the phone.

“Rabb.”

“Hey Rabb.”

“Mac?”

“Yeah.”

Harm held his tongue for a few seconds to let his heart beat slow down.

“Hey. What’s up? Everything ok?”

“Um, yeah, everything’s fine. I just, well, I was just thinking about you and decided to call.”

“I’m glad you did. It’s nice to hear your words and not just read them.”

That statement took her breath away. How the hell does he do it? He can still astonish me when I’m least expecting it, she thought. How they could so effectively mirror the other was a continued amazement to her. “Yeah, I know what you mean. Hearing your voice is so much better although I’m glad for the emails too. You’ve helped me out quite a bit these past few months.”

“As have you for me.”

“So, anything new? Meet any interesting people?” Mac was almost afraid to ask this question but she needed to know if he was moving on.

“No, not really. You?” Harm’s voice was just barely above a whisper.

“No. I still haven’t even finished unpacking all the way. I guess I’m just avoiding it. I don’t’ know. This place still doesn’t feel like home. You know?”

“I know. It’s a big adjustment.”

They spoke a few minutes longer about various unimportant things like work and the weather. Then, an awkward silence hit and both of them wracked their brains to think of what to say next. Finally, Harm decided to continue.

“I’m really glad you called. It can be kind of lonely over here. Everything’s so different and I can’t just jump in the car and drive off to familiar places. It’s a whole new world.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean. Life sure is different now than it was. I’m often find myself wondering how this actually happened.”

“Me too.” Harm paused and then dared to ask, “Hey, how about I call you next Saturday, about the same time? Maybe if we continue to talk it will feel almost like being back in DC.”

“Sounds great to me. I’m looking forward to it already.”

“So am I. Take care of yourself Marine. And no cake for dinner tonight.”

“Yes sir, Captain.”

“Bye Mac.”

“Bye Harm. You take care too.”

Neither one of them wanted to actually hang up but they knew it was time. But ,the effects of that call lingered in their minds for the rest of the day like a fog that fails to lift.

They continued to phone each other on a regular basis, each taking turns calling the other. Typically, they spoke in the California mid-morning and the early London evening. Their calls were friendly and more than welcomed by both, but it only served to patch a part of the deep hole in which their separation had created. The sheer emptiness of being apart was etched into who they had now become. But neither one of them could find the courage to really open up to the other to see if they could close the wounds that time just wasn’t healing.

Until one day.

Chapter 4

Harm and Mac had been apart for close to a year. In that time, both of them had worked themselves as hard as they could, never once coming up for air. After a particularly long day at work, Mac was longing to jump in her car and drive over to Harm’s apartment just as she had done so many times before. But being that it was impossible, she decided it was time to take the next step. She got on the phone and started formulating her plan of action.

“It’s time Mac. It’s time,” she said aloud to the empty room.

Somewhere Over the Atlantic Ocean

Mac had been flying or sitting in some airport or another for almost 14 hours now and still had a few more to go. The layover in Chicago was intolerably long and now the last leg of her flight seemed to be taunting her, telling her that she would never get there. Unable to sleep, her head started to pound with anticipation and anxiety. She hoped she wasn’t making a big mistake.

Finally landing at Heathrow, she gathered her bag and hailed a taxi. She had no idea exactly how this was going to play out. All she knew was that in less than an hour, she would be seeing the man she loved.

As she sat in the taxi, her head started to pound even harder and she started feeling very tired and unwilling to admit, not well. “Why now?” she thought. “Please, not now.”

Harm’s Apartment

London, England

It was early Friday night and Harm’s longing for Mac was overbearing. He knew it was late in San Diego, but he also knew that Mac was probably still awake. Lately, he simply couldn’t get her out of her mind and he had decided to take his mother’s advice and start reaching out for the life he wanted. A life with Mac. It was time. And he was prepared to do whatever it took to make it happen.

He dialed her home phone number but got no response so he decided to try her cell. He hoped he wasn’t making a big mistake.

As the taxi approached his building, her phone rang. Surprised, she looked down and saw it was Harm calling.

“Harm?”

“Hi. I’m sorry to be calling you at such an odd time.”

“Harm, please don’t apologize. It’s never an odd time to talk to you.”

“Here we are Miss. Need help with your bags?” Mac shielded the phone from the taxi driver’s heavy cockney accent, not wanting Harm to hear.

“Mac? Where are you? Is this a bad time? Really, we can talk later.”

“No, no, Harm its fine.” Mac quickly paid the driver and grabbed her bag. She stumbled up over the curb and quickly gasped while regaining her balance, realizing that she really wasn’t feeling well.

“Mac? Are you ok? Where are you going?” he asked and as he did, there was a knock on his door. He walked over to answer it and was startled to see her standing at his threshold.

Staring directly into his eyes, she spoke lightly into the phone, “Here. I’m coming here.” She snapped her phone shut and said, “I’m coming to you.”

Harm slowly put the phone down from his ear and started back at her. Shocked was one way to describe how he was feeling. Thrilled was another.

“So, you going to invite me in?”

“Oh, of course. Here, let me get your bag.” Harm reached across, scooped up the bag, and let her through.

Mac went right over to his couch and sat down heavily with a loud sigh.

“Hey, you ok? You look a bit tired.”

“Let’s just say it’s been a very long day. Actually by now, it’s approaching day 2.”

“I’ll get you some water. Hang on.”

Harm went to the kitchen and quickly filled a glass with water but when he got back to the living room he found Mac curled up in the corner of his couch, her arms wrapped around her as though she was freezing cold, nodding off. Harm stood and watched her for a brief moment. Her hair was longer than it had been when they last saw each other and it shined in the early evening sunset streaming through the window. To him, she appeared to be an angel sent to him to soothe his battered soul.

Gently, he sat down next to her and brushed a piece of hair from her forehead. As he did, he realized that she was warm. Too warm. He tried to wake her but he had a hard time.

“Mac? Hey, Mac. Are you ok? You’re burning up.”

Mac sighed, not finding the strength at the moment to even respond.

Harm got up to find his thermometer and placed it in her mouth. As he waited for the temperature to register, Mac started to doze off again.

“Hey, Marine. Wake up.”

Mac slowly opened her eyes. Harm removed the thermometer and took a look at it. “Oh, Mac. You’re on fire. I’ll get you some Tylenol. Stay awake. Ok?”

“Ok,” Mac whispered.

Harm quickly returned with the tablets. He watched her as she swallowed the medicine and handed the glass back to him.

“I’m sorry Harm. I show up at your door unannounced and on top of that I’m sick.”

“You don’t need to apologize. You’ve been on an airplane for way too many hours, and I’m sure you haven’t been taking very good care of yourself.” Harm couldn’t believe how much he sounded like a mother hen but he didn’t care. She was here and he was going to take care of her.

In about a half an hour, Mac started to peel off clothes as her fever came down. Sweat permeated from every inch of her body and she felt like a load had been lifted from her shoulders.

“How about some dinner? Are you feeling hungry?”

“A little bit. Don’t go to any trouble.”

“Mac, it’s no trouble. I need to eat too.”

After a light dinner, Mac’s eyes started getting heavy and she was finding it hard to stay awake. Harm went over to her chair, helped her up, brought her to the bathroom, and ordered her to get ready for bed.

“Harm, let me sleep on the couch. Or maybe I should go to a hotel. I really don’t want to make you sick.”

“Mac, there is no way I’m going to let you sleep on that couch no less leave. Get ready for bed, and in you go. I’ll carry you if I have to.”

“Ok, ok, I’m going. Thanks.”

Harm went back to clean up the dinner dishes and when he came back to check on her, she was already in bed fast asleep.

Chapter 5

The next morning, Harm awoke feeling anxious. Mac had tossed and turned a lot during the night and he was worried about her. She finally settled down sometime in the middle of the night and currently seemed to be sleeping soundly. He reached over and gently laid his hand on her forehead. He found it to be hot with fever.

“Oh Mac,” he sighed. “Please feel better.”

Mac moaned and started stirring. She slowly opened her eyes and once she was able to focus she found Harm staring intently at her. It took her a minute to remember where she was and that it really was Harm laying next to her and not a product of her wishful imagination.

“Hey, how are you feeling? You’re still very hot.”

“I’m freezing. I’m achy. I’m a mess.”

“I’m sorry. Let’s take your temperature and then I’ll give you some Tylenol. Are you hungry?”

“Not really.”

“Well, you need to eat at least a little bit. Stay put. I’ll be right back.” Harm returned shortly with everything he needed to start the nursing process. Once finished, he went off to prepare breakfast.

After a bit, Mac’s fever began to fall and she started to get a bit of her energy back. She got up, cleaned herself up, and met him in the kitchen.

“Hey, you didn’t have to get up. I would have brought something to you.”

“That’s ok. I’m feeling a bit better. My fever’s going down.” She smiled at him. He was so sweet when he was mothering her.

They ate breakfast and chatted a bit. Mac soon found herself feeling weary and went back to bed. Harm followed her and tucked her in.

“Do you need anything?”

“No, thank you, I’m fine.”

“Ok. Look, I’m going to go to the store and get some ingredients for Harm’s Special Cure You Fast Soup. I’ll only be gone for a bit. I’ll try and make it quick.”

“Harm’s Special Cure You Fast Soup, huh? That’s a new one. Sounds, well, interesting. I hope it works.”

“It never fails,” he said, grinning down at her. That smile, she though, damn, how I’ve missed that smile. She found herself staring at him, losing herself in another world, a world full of fantasy, full of him.

“Mac? Hey Mac. You’re zoning out on me here. You ok?”

“I’m sorry. Yes, I’m fine. Go, go. And you don’t have to rush. I’m not going anywhere.”

Thank goodness for that he thought.

Harm left the apartment shortly thereafter. Reaching the grocery store, he walked around in a fog. A million little thoughts were flying around inside his head, hitting him from all angles. Just being around her, even for so short a time, reminded him of all of the things that were quintessentially Mac which he was missing so terribly. Never did he think that she would show up at his door, coming from almost half a world away just to seek him out. He couldn’t help but wonder what made her do it. Why was she here? Why now? He also couldn’t help but worry about how it was all going to pan out.

He finally snapped out of his reverie. He gathered enough groceries to feed the two of them for a good number of days even though he didn’t know how long she was planning on staying. For all he cared, she could stay forever.

On his way home, he passed a flower shop. He stopped in front of it and stared at the window display for a while before deciding to go inside. He spent quite a while browsing at the flowers, feeling compelled to buy some but not really knowing what to get.

The florist had first noticed him outside and as she watched him browse around she couldn’t help but smile to herself. “Poor dear. I wonder what his story is,” she thought. She watched him a few minutes longer and finally approached him.

“Good morning, sir.”

“Good morning, ma’am.”

“Forgive me for being so forthright, but it appears as if you may be in need of some assistance.”

“You could say that.”

“What’s the occasion? New love, old love?”

“Well, both, actually. She’s someone I’ve loved for a long time now; someone who I know, well I think I know, loved me, don’t know if she still does, if she ever did, but I still do, oh, it’s just complicated. I think that we’ve both done a great job torturing the other over the years. Anyway, she came from California yesterday, just out of the blue, there she was on my doorstep. I don’t really know why yet. I’m sorry, I’m confusing you, aren’t I?”

“Oh, no. Love is rarely uncomplicated. So, where is this lovely lady?”

“Back at my apartment. She unfortunately is a bit under the weather.”

The woman smiled at him. “Well, don’t you worry, you just stay there and I’ll fix you up something fantastic for the dear girl.”

Harm smiled back. “Thank you, ma’am. That would be the best I think. Flowers aren’t really my strong suit.”

The woman quickly got to work, choosing a flower here and there, quickly making up a simple but beautiful display.

“Alright then. Here we are. Come over and I’ll show you what you’ve got.”

Harm walked over to her and listened intently. “These lovely little blooms are freesia which means ‘trust and friendship’. These of course, are orchids which mean ‘love, beauty, and beautiful lady’. Now, these pretty little dolls here are called stock flowers. They smell lovely and they mean ‘bonds of affection and you’ll always be beautiful to me’. See these here? These are magenta zinnias which mean ‘lasting affection’. The ferns symbolize the secret bond of love and the baby’s breath means ‘pure of heart’. I almost put in a few spider flowers which mean ‘elope with me’ but we don’t want to be too direct now do we?”

Harm chuckled. “No, I guess we don’t,” although he couldn’t think of something he would want more than to elope with Mac.

“Now, this is the most important flower of all. Here you have a single red rose in full bloom. Now everyone knows that red roses symbolize love but a single, full bloom, red rose means ‘I still love you’.”

Harm was speechless. The bouquet was so beautiful and meaningful. This simple bunch of delicate flowers expressed everything that he longed to convey himself. “It’s perfect. Thank you so much.”

“My pleasure. Good luck to you.”

Harm paid for the flowers and left the shop with a smile on his face. The woman couldn’t help but go to the window and watch him walk away, silently wishing him well on his journey.

When Harm got back to his apartment, he peeked in on Mac who was sleeping soundly. Quietly, he placed the vase of flowers on the table near the bed and tiptoed out to start the soup.

About an hour later, Mac awoke to the smell of something wonderful cooking and the sweet fragrance of flowers. She looked over and saw the bouquet and smiled. “Oh, Harm, you sweet man,” she whispered. She got out of bed and walked over to the flowers. She gently touched them one by one, smelling each elegant bloom deeply. It was the most gorgeous display of flowers she had ever seen.

Suddenly, she felt herself being watched. She turned around and found Harm standing at the door watching her, arms crossed, smiling. “Feeling better?”

“A little. I’m all out of whack.”

“Well, how about some soup? It’s ready.”

“Sure. Thanks.” Mac blushed a bit. “So, ah, where did the flowers come from? They’re spectacular.”

“Oh, just happened to go by a flower shop.”

“Well, thank you. They are truly magnificent.”

“You’re welcome. Beautiful flowers for a beautiful lady.” Harm had to wonder if he would, at some point, be able to tell her the story behind the bouquet. “Now come on and let’s get some soup into you.”

“Ok.” Mac walked over to him and he led her over to the table. Although not feeling physically well, emotionally she felt on top of the world. As Harm gingerly laid a bowl of soup in front of her, she couldn’t help thinking that she did the right thing in coming here. Everything felt right and she was happily reminded of all of the little things that made her love him. And with each sweet gesture, each tender breeze of his hand across her forehead, she felt her love for him grow exponentially.

“So, how’s the soup?”

“Very good. I have to admit that I was a bit worried when I heard the actual name of the soup. Kind of reminded me of some other dish that bore your name.”

“All right, all right. Never going to live that one down am I?”

“Well, maybe one day. Or maybe not. I’ll have to think about it.” They both smiled at each other and finished eating.

The rest of the day transpired much as the beginning had. Harm doting on Mac, Mac sleeping now and then, fevers coming and going. Although the weekend wasn’t exactly what Harm was anticipating when he found her on his doorstep, he had to admit that he hadn’t been this happy in quite a while. He spent quite a bit of the day watching her sleep. He could simply sit for hours staring at her, lost in thought. What was he going to do? Would he finally find the courage to tell her that the past year had been a year of pain and longing? His mother’s words of many months ago once again echoed in his ears. He knew she was right.

But what exactly should he do about it? When would the answers come?

Chapter 6

The following morning, Mac awoke feeling much better. She glanced over at a sleeping Harm and her heart warmed. She knew she loved him before but the past few days served to solidify her feelings, etching them further, deeper into her very being.

She watched him sleep for a few minutes. Her dark eyes drank in the sight of him, so still and peaceful, reminiscent of a time so long ago when she had once before watched him sleep, wondering then and now what he dreamed about. She studied his strong features, resisting the urge to touch, explore, feel the warmth, the texture of his skin.

Quietly, she slid out of bed and headed for the bathroom. She craved a long, hot shower. A bath would be better but she’d settle for the shower. Half an hour later, she came out feeling even better and went into the kitchen to start a pot of coffee.

The smell of coffee and Mac’s shampoo gently woke Harm from sleep. “She must be feeling better.” He smiled at that thought.

He got out of bed and found her sitting on the couch cradling a cup of coffee in her hands.

“Hey, look at you out of bed. You look much better.” He walked over to her and laid his hand on her forehead and then slid it down her face to cup her cheek. “You’re cool. Is the fever gone or is this the Tylenol working?”

She reached up and placed the palm of her hand over his, resisting the urge to place a small kiss on the inside of his warm hand. “I woke up this morning fever free and I’ve been that way ever since. I feel so much better today.”

“That’s great. Hey, at least you never suffered any jet lag.” Harm smiled, chiding her.

“Yeah, get sick, cure jet lag. Great idea. I can’t say that I’m glad it happened though. I’ll take a bit of jet lag over a high fever any day.” Mac paused then continued softly, “Harm, I’m really sorry…”

“Don’t apologize. Please. It’s ok. It was actually kind of fun having someone here to take care of.” Harm smiled at her and she was grateful that she was sitting down because she knew her knees would have given out on her just looking at that smile of his.

“So, you of all people must be hungry. You’ve hardly had anything to eat since you’ve been here. Except, of course, for my special Cure You Fast Soup. See? I told you that it never failed.”

“Well, I have to hand it to you. You were right. And yeah, I am pretty hungry.”

“Stay there. I’ll be back in a flash.”

He came back shortly with a fresh stack of blueberry pancakes. “Mmm. This is so good. I knew there was something I was missing about you.” Mac smiled up at him.

Harm smiled back. “Glad to be of service. If I had known, I could have been shipping you some meals. Real food beats chocolate and ice cream three times a day you know.”

“Funny. And there’s nothing wrong with chocolate and ice cream. And didn’t you hear? They are now saying that chocolate is actually very healthy for you. An antioxidant, you know.”

“Yeah, as long as it’s not loaded with extra sugar and fat maybe.”

“Ok, this is one conversation that neither of us is going to win.”

“I beg to differ.” Again, he smiled at her and she smiled back, both knowing that it was time to call a truce.

Silently and effortlessly, they finished eating and did the dishes together as if they had been doing so for years. They worked together seamlessly and quickly it was done.

Harm went to shower and Mac started flipping through the newspaper. She had become lost reading the current royal family gossip when he came back into the room. Mac gave a start as she hadn’t heard him approaching. When she looked up and saw him, her heart skipped a beat. He looked incredible wearing a pair of dark blue jeans and her favorite black v-neck sweater that hugged his sculpted body in all the right places.

Mac’s body responded heavily as she looked up at him. “I must be feeling better,” she thought to herself although she suddenly found herself slightly light headed.

Mac spent the rest of the morning getting caught up on some work files that she had brought to keep herself occupied on the plane but couldn’t focus on at the time. Harm spent the rest of the morning secretly making arrangements to take some time off so he could spend every waking moment with Mac while he had her to himself.

After lunch, Harm decided it was time to get out of the apartment. He sat down on the couch next to Mac and pushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. “So, you feel well enough to get some air? Maybe we can take a walk around the neighborhood. It’s actually supposed to be a very nice day out today. We should take advantage of that.”

“Sounds good to me. Hang on a second. I’ll go change.”

Mac came back in a few minutes wearing her favorite pair of jeans and a soft, ice blue sweater. Harm had to resist the urge to run his hands all over it when he saw her.

He walked up to her and placed his hand lightly on the small of her back. “Ready? Let’s go.” Together, they walked out the door into the early afternoon sunshine.

The day was dazzling; the sky a cloudless azure blue. The bright sun shone down on them as they walked along, penetrating their bodies and warming their souls. The light breeze in the air made the leaves on the trees sway gently as if they were guiding them along.

They walked around for quite a long time while Harm showed her the neighborhood and the sights nearby. Mac marveled at the beauty of the neighborhood; the old stone buildings with beautifully detailed architecture, the well kept gardens. It appeared that everyone was outside enjoying the day. People smiled at them as they walked along as if they were privy to something that Harm and Mac were themselves unaware of.

Suddenly, the sidewalk dipped causing Mac to stumble slightly. Harm gently grabbed hold of her hand to steady her. “You ok?”

“Yeah. I’m fine. Just wasn’t watching where I was going.”

Meanwhile, neither one let go of the other’s hand. They silently continued on their way, soaking in the warmth they both had to offer. Mac took such comfort in him, the size and heat of his hand holding on to her so tenderly, his thumb stroking the skin along the inside edge of her index finger and thumb every so often. Harm reveled in the feel of her delicate, smooth hand in his; reminding him of how gentle yet how strong she was. It seemed so right to both of them on so many levels. They had hung on to each other many times before but typically with words, sometimes physically but never for long. The simple act of holding hands as they walked along served to launch them onto another plane, somewhere that was a few steps closer to where they both wanted to be.

They continued walking wordlessly; simply enjoying the day and the easy comfort of being together. Harm soon became concerned for her as she seemed to be slowing down a bit.

“You feeling ok? Not too tired?”

“No, actually, I feel pretty good. I think the fresh air is just what I needed.” And a little dose of Harm doesn’t hurt either she thought to herself.

“Good.” Harm started deeply into her eyes, smiled briefly, and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. She couldn’t help but smile back and almost melt into him. Both of them tightened the grip they had on the other, unwilling to let go even for a moment, and continued walking.

The day passed slowly and they both drank in the company of the other. Even though they had known each other for years, this felt almost like a first date and served to help them get reacquainted although in many ways it felt like they had never been apart. They took the day as it came and simply enjoyed being together.

They ended up staying out until dinnertime. They decided to stop at a small, quaint looking restaurant. Each were starving but neither one was happy to let go of the other. They sat at a small table adorned with a small sprig of flowers and dimly lit with a candle, casting soft shadows on their faces. They laughed when they sat down; the table being so tiny that Harm’s long legs barely fit underneath and he found himself constantly bumping knees with Mac under the table although neither one seemed to mind. They ate slowly, restoring their strength and their resolve in the other. Neither one had felt so happy nor so content in such a long time and they both knew the reason why.

When they got home, Harm went to boil water for tea. While he was gone, Mac had time to ponder what she knew she had to say to him. She was ready to shed her skin of old and open herself up to him. She was longing to let him in, come what may.

As Harm waited for the water to boil, he contemplated his next move. He knew that it was now or never. Never had he imagined that she would show up at his doorstep giving him the prime opportunity to finally take their relationship to the next step. He reached into his pocket and grabbed hold of a small box he had secretly retrieved from his bedroom when they came home. He held onto it tightly, willing it to give him the strength he needed to capture the life he wanted.

Harm came back into the room and watched her as she was lost in thought. He walked over to her and gently placed his hand on her shoulder. “Hey, you ok?”

Mac reached up and put her hand over his. Harm sat down next to her and he was startled to see her face, so filled up with emotion, but not knowing what those emotions were scared him. He was so used to her being distant but she was here with him. Right now. So far from her new home. The simple fact that she was sitting next to him was such a blessing and almost an amazement to him but he couldn’t help being afraid that it was going to end.

“Mac, I…”

“No, Harm, please. I need to tell you why I’m here. It’s time.”

Harm froze in terror. What was she going to do? He couldn’t lose her again. Not after the past two days. The past year lingered like a black hole in his very soul. He didn’t think he would survive it if she were to pull away. He started to tense up and she noticed.

Mac looked down at her knees and then faced him, looking deeply into his eyes, those beautiful eyes, that she could so easily lose herself in. Slowly, she started talking. “Harm, I miss you. In so many, many ways. I miss coming into work and immediately looking into your office to see if you’re there; I miss the way I could hear your footsteps outside my office; I miss watching you play with things in your mouth, coffee stirrer, cigar, pen; whatever; I miss simply being able to drive over to your apartment on a whim; I miss the way you look in civvies; and most of all I miss everything about being near you. Not a day has passed where you haven’t been central in my mind. You are the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about at night. Everything reminds me of you. My heart beats wildly when the phone rings or when I get new email in anticipation that it’s you.”

Without even realizing it, tears streamed down her face and Harm reached out to gently brush them away. She took a shaky deep breath and continued. “I was so stupid the past few years. I don’t know why I thought that I could live without you because I can’t. I’m so sorry for the way I pushed you away. All I know is that I can’t live this way anymore. I’m ready to do whatever it is I need to do to either be with you or let it slide forever. I have to know one way or another. Because I love you. I have for such a long, long time and so help me, I will forever.”

Harm stared at her for a brief moment causing Mac to whisper, “When you look at me that way … what do you see?”

Mac got her answer in the form of a few simple words. “I see a desirable woman. And you..?”

“And I see a man who’s so afraid to lose control.” She paused and added, “Or at least I used to.”

“In my world, you lose control, you die.” Harm paused for a moment. “But if I lose you, I won’t survive.”

They slowly approached each other, an invisible force pulling them together, their eyes searching out the answers from the other’s face. Gently, they started kissing and neither one of them could imagine ever stopping. The air in the room seemed to thin out as they kissed, first tenderly, slowly and then passionately, deeply. It was becoming hard for either one of them to breathe as they drank in the taste, the pleasure the other was offering.

“Mac, wait.” Harm stopped kissing her, suddenly feeling the need to respond to what she said.

“Harm, I’m sorry, that was quite a lot that I just dumped on you.” Mac started to pull away but Harm grabbed hold of her and kept her close.

“Don’t apologize. We are both equally guilty in this dance that’s lasted for ten years now. It seems like in the past we were always on a different page when it came to the type of relationship we wanted from the other but I think at this point, we are both thinking the same thing, aren’t we? I don’t think you realize that seeing you on my doorstep two days ago was like a gift. A wonderful gift that I thought would never come. I have missed you more than I let myself recognize. Having you here has made me realize that I can’t let you go. Ever. Never again will I send you away or will I let you keep me away. I want you in my life, now and forever. I’ve known it for a very long time. I never loved anyone until I met you and may you know now and never forget, I love you. Please, marry me. I’ve never wanted anything as much as I want to be with you.”

With that, Harm pulled out the ring that he had bought just over a year ago. “I bought this ring not long before we both got our orders. I had made up my mind well before I bought it that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you but I guess I never had the courage to tell you, to reach out to you and really let you now how I felt. I’ve been letting my life run away from me and it’s time to stop running and start walking in the right direction. I’ve taken this ring out and looked at it every day since we’ve been apart wondering if I was ever going to get the chance to give it to you. Will you accept it?”

“Harm, of course I will. There is nothing I would like more than to marry you.” Harm slid the ring on her finger and it glistened in the dim light of the room.

“We have to talk work, you know. I have an idea.” Harm was abruptly interrupted by Mac who seemingly had other intentions in mind.

“Actually, work is the last thing on my mind at the moment. We can figure that out later. Right now, there is something else I want to work on.” Mac got up on her knees, took his face in her hands, and started kissing him as he had never been kissed before. Harm’s hands rested lightly on her hips as they explored each other with their mouths. Mac lightly kissed him on his face, moving slowly over to his neck and shoulder. Harm shuddered with each passing kiss and Mac memorized each and every reaction he had as she worked her way down his neck with the tip of her tongue.

Harm, feeling like he was quickly losing control, brought his hands to her face and drew her up to his mouth. He held her close and kissed her, lifting her up in his arms, carrying her to his bed.

Tenderly, he laid her down. Slowly, he peeled her clothes off, one piece at a time, gently kissing his way all over her body as he did so. Mentally, he made a map of her body, her curves, her soft luscious skin, glowing as it did with the excitement she couldn’t hide when he reached her soft curls, kissing his way through them until she couldn’t contain what he knew was close.

She regained her breath, looked at him with glassy eyes and whispered in his ear, “Your turn,” as she gently flipped him over. Erotically, she stripped him down, rubbing her body against his, giving him the same treatment he had given her only not allowing him to reach any conclusions until she was ready for him to do so. “What makes you crazy? What makes you want more?” she whispered as she continued her exploration. He had never had a woman do to him the things she was doing. Never had anyone seemed to revel in his body and take their time to explore and she learned all too quickly what made him come undone. The things she was doing with her hands and mouth made him feel like never before and he thought that he was going to lose his mind when suddenly she came back up to him and whispered in his ear, “Harm, make love to me.”

Harm kissed her hungrily as he softly turned her over and centered himself between her legs. Mac placed her hands on his hips and gently guided him into her depths. Both burning with desire and longing for the other, they slowly made love. Neither one of them wanted it to ever end but soon Mac was unable to once again hold back. Harm opened his eyes and watched her face as she felt the passion coming in the blissful moments just before her body exploded with ecstasy which in turn made him shudder and release himself into her. He had never felt anything as intense as what he was feeling now with her and they both kept the rhythm up drawing out the other’s pleasure for as long as they physically could.

Finally, Harm lay down next to her and pulled the thick blankets up over their intertwined, naked bodies. Mac curled up under his arm and started kissing the side of his chest. “I love you so much Harm.”

Harm looked down at her, almost overcome with emotion. “Sarah, you are my everything. I love you.” He nestled his face in her hair and the two of them slept soundly until morning.

Chapter 7

The morning sun shone into the apartment in long thin streams, warming the room and the lovers inside. Harm started to stir and as he did, Mac awoke. She turned to face him and the two of them simply and lovingly started at the other until passion once again overtook them. It was two hours later before they headed out of bed into the shower together.

Mac slowly and tenderly washed Harm; marveling in his very being. She had never felt so good in her life. She let the warm water run over his body as she bathed him, her hands caressing every inch of his body. Harm in turn, did the same for Mac, falling more deeply in love with her as he did so. When they were both done, they simply stood under the falling water and held each other as if rinsing away all of the hurt and pain they had inflicted on each other the past ten years, letting it slide down the drain, never to return.

Getting out of the shower, they each dried the other off, got dressed, and headed for the kitchen. They sat at the table surrounded by fresh muffins and hot coffee.

“So, now what?”

“Now, we start the first day of the rest of our lives together.”

“You know, I don’t even know how long you are planning to stay. If it were up to me, you would never leave.”

“Me too. But I have to get back at some point and start working out what’s going to happen next. For now, I’ve taken leave through the end of the week.”

“Well, I’ve managed to get my schedule clear for this week too so we at least have that.”

“We need to talk about what we’re going to do. You know, about work.”

“Well, I have some interesting news to tell you.”

“Oh, really?”

“Do you remember several months ago I told you that I was trying to get additional help over here because the amount of work is more than was originally anticipated?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, it seems like there is a lot of talk about setting up a special task force to take care of specialized cases. This new task force could be set up so that it’s a separate entity from my command if, that is, there is the correct amount of lobbying from the right people. Now, all of this is pure speculation on my part but if it all pans out the way I think it could, they would need somebody to head it up. And I think I know just the right person for the job.”

“Oh, do you now?”

“Yeah, I was thinking Turner would be just the man,” Harm teased.

Mac threw her napkin at him. “You know, even if this doesn’t work out, something else will. At this point, I think we can come to some sort of an arrangement whatever it may be. All I want is to be with you.”

“Me too.”

They both smiled at the other while daydreaming of their new futures which seemed to be brighter than they had ever been before.

They spent the week sightseeing and indulging themselves in the other. They hardly spent a moment apart. They took advantage of every waking moment they had together. But always in the back of their minds was the dreaded, inevitable parting which was looming all too close.

Heathrow Airport

London, England

Harm drove Mac to the airport in silence. Neither one wanted the week to end and they couldn’t believe that they now had to part. But they had the knowledge that Harm was going to come out to San Diego the following month for a week but for them, a week simply wasn’t enough. As they walked through the airport, they held onto each other as though their lives depended on the grip they had on the other.

“I don’t want to say goodbye. I never want to say goodbye to you ever again.”

“I know. I don’t like this anymore than you do. But I’ll be in California before you know it and if we’re resourceful, we’ll be together, permanently, very soon.”

“I’m already on the case. Actually, Harriet is having a ball getting things going already. We’re lucky to have such great friends.”

“That’s not the only thing that’s lucky.” Harm smiled at her and held her close, gently kissing her.

“Take care Marine. Call me when you get home. No matter what time it is.”

“I’ll call you. But no place is home if you’re not there.”

“I know. It’s going to seem very lonely and quiet in the apartment. I miss you already.”

“Me too. I love you.”

“I love you too. Now scoot.”

With that, Mac turned to go through security to her gate. Harm stood and watched her until she was gone from sight.

His heart was full with love for her and anticipation for what was to come but he couldn’t help feel part of him was leaving with her on that plane.

Epilogue

On a warm, sunny Saturday afternoon, they gathered. The chapel was decorated simply but impeccably and the small group of family and friends sat in the shadows created as the sun blazed its way through the stained glass windows. In his dress whites, Harm stood at the altar, beaming. Soft music started to play and his heart skipped a beat as Mac came walking slowly down the aisle looking so incredibly beautiful to him; more beautiful than ever.

Mac reached his side and Harm held his arm out for her to take. And with that, they made the ultimate commitment to each other. A commitment which had never been so right. One that took two and made one.

After the ceremony, they all gathered outside the chapel to share with the world their joy and happiness. For today was the day that the heavens shined down upon two people who were starting the most important journey of their lives together; one in which destiny had finally won.