Title: Keep the Home Fires
Burning
Author: JAG Junkie
(rondayoung@yahoo.com)
Rating: PG-13 (Just to be
safe)
Category: Romance (H/M), a
little angst, and a little humor
Disclaimer: They are (sadly) not mine. If they were, there would have been *a
lot* more mistletoe in the Christmas episodes!
Spoilers: Anything up to “The
Boast” with the exception of what is explained in the Author’s Note
below.
Summary: When a fire destroys
Mac’s apartment, she temporarily moves in with Harm. As they rebuild their fragile
friendship, can they also rekindle the smoldering fire between
them?
Author’s Note #1: Set in season 9 shortly after Harm returns to JAG. For the purposes of this story, I have resolved the Mattie storyline differently than we saw on the screen (hopefully a little more realistically), hence the long backstory in the prologue. And I am going to pretend that Mac has already seen a psychiatrist for PTSD and resolved some of her Paraguay issues. Also, I should note that the Webb you will see *briefly* in this story is the Webb of season 9, *not* the lovable spook we knew from earlier seasons. So Webbies, you’ve been warned!
Author’s Note #2: This story
started as a simple idea: What would happen if Mac suddenly moved in with Harm
out of necessity, i.e. she was no longer able to live in her apartment for some
reason. To me, the easiest way to
create that situation was to have her apartment destroyed by fire. Having it condemned just seemed too
unlikely. I guess I could have gone
with toxic mold infestation or something LOL! Anyway, please don’t assume that I hate
Mac because I destroy her apartment in a fire. It is merely a means to an end. I love Mac almost as much as I love
Harm, although Harm will always be my first love ;-) I suppose I could have written the story
with the opposite premise (Harm’s apartment destroyed by fire and him moving in
with Mac), but I wanted to have the story set in his apartment. His open floorplan would create an
instant awkwardness that would keep things interesting.
Author’s Note #3: I am aware
that there are some fanfics where Mac and Harm move in together for other than
romantic reasons. I have not read
any of these stories (yet). So any
similarities are purely coincidental.
Chapter 1
(Prologue)
Mon. Dec. 1, 2003 1945 EST
En route to
Georgetown
Harm sighed as the car neared
Georgetown. Soon they would be at
Mac’s apartment where he could drop her off and quickly head home. Then they both could get some
much-needed sleep. They had been on
a long and grueling investigation, but despite the pressure they had been under,
he felt like things were finally becoming right in the world again. He was back at JAG and working with
Mac. Those two factors alone made
all the stress worth it.
He looked over at the beautiful
woman sleeping in the car. Getting
to see Mac every day had certainly eased the transition back. He had missed her deeply while he was
working for the CIA. But he had
kept his distance because he thought that was what she wanted. Then he met
Mattie.
He had instantly bonded with
the precocious teenager. Something
about her had kindled a nurturing instinct in him that he didn’t even know he
had. As he learned more about her
and her situation, he knew he needed to help her and her dad, but he wasn’t sure
how. He had never dealt with an
alcoholic before, except for Mac, but she had been sober the whole time he had
known her. Well, there was that one
time when she fell off the wagon, but that was once in how many years? So he did the one thing he knew he could
do to help Mattie and her father, he enlisted Mac’s help. She had more insights into dealing with
that kind of thing than he did, and he knew he could always count Mac, despite
the uncertain status of their relationship at the time.
As soon as Mac had heard the
girl’s story, she had instantly agreed to help. She didn’t want the young girl to have
to experience the heartache and pain that she had been through. And she could see how much this meant to
Harm, so she couldn’t turn down his plea for help. Not after what he did for her in
Paraguay. And, truth be told, she
was missing Harm terribly.
The fact that Mac agreed to
help convinced Harm that their friendship was not totally lost. The bond that they shared was still
there somewhere. Maybe, with time,
they could rebuild what they had.
So, together they had put
Mattie and her dad back on the right track. Mac convinced Tom to get help. And Harm helped Mattie to understand
what *really* happened the night her mother died, making reconcilement with her
father much easier.
That left one problem: Mattie’s
living arrangements while her father was in rehab. Harm briefly considered petitioning to
become her guardian, but realistically he knew that it would never be
approved. A single guy living in a
one bedroom apartment who had to travel often in his job, sometimes to dangerous
war zones--not exactly the best situation for a teenager. And the fact that she was 14 and he had
just met her was sure to raise some red flags, not to mention some
eyebrows.
On a whim, they had begun
talking to Mattie’s neighbors for suggestions. When Mrs. Livingstone found out about
Mattie’s plight, she had insisted that Mattie stay with her. She had known Mattie for many years and
thought of her as the granddaughter she never had. Mattie had been so busy trying to run
Grace Aviation that she hadn’t spoken to her much lately, so Mrs. Livingstone
had no idea what had been going on.
When it had been decided that Mattie would stay with her temporarily, she
began gushing about how nice it would be to have someone to keep her company and
“keep her young”. And Mattie had to
admit that the prospect of Mrs. Livingstone’s cooking every day was a definite
draw. She was getting tired of
ordering pizzas.
As he thought back over the
past few months, Harm chuckled to himself at the irony. He had done it once again: helped
someone he barely knew while avoiding the endless red tape of bureaucracy. And with Mac’s help, Mattie and Tom’s
relationship was on the road to recovery and healing. Now, if only he and Mac could do the
same with their own relationship!
At least they *seemed* to be
making some progress, even if it was at a snail’s pace at times. This last case they were investigating
forced them to talk to each other each day, and some of the old familiarity was
beginning to return. There was
still some tension and uncertainty between them, but the trust and loyalty were
definitely still there. Those two
traits were fundamental parts of that special bond that they shared--the one
that they were afraid to identify, the “thing” that invaded every facet of their
lives, whether they wanted it to or not.
Harm looked over at Mac again
as he neared her street. She was
sleeping so peacefully that he hated to wake her. But he was too tired to carry her up to
her apartment, and she would probably protest if he did anyway, so he reached
over and touched her arm.
“Hmmph?” Mac mumbled something
indecipherable.
“You’re almost home. In just a few minutes you will be in
your own bed.”
“Oh, that’s sounds
wonderful. I have missed my big,
comfortable bed and my quiet apartment.”
Mac was more coherent now as she stretched her arms and yawned. Harm chuckled at her and then turned his
gaze back to the road. As he
rounded the corner to her street, his face froze and he suddenly gripped the
steering wheel. Mac was immediately
on full alert.
“Harm, what’s wrong?” she asked
urgently.
“Oh my God,” was all Harm
quietly said as he continued to stare straight ahead. Mac turned to follow his gaze and
repeated his words when she saw the scene down the street. Her entire apartment building was
engulfed in flames. Fire engines
lined the street and dozens of people stood around watching with horror as the
firefighters did their jobs.
Harm raced down the street,
parked as close as he could without interfering with the activities, and they
both jumped out and ran towards the crowd.
Mac spotted a neighbor and immediately inquired about what
happened.
“Don’t know. All of a sudden smoke detectors and fire
alarms were going off and people were yelling to get out. So I grabbed my purse and my box of
important papers and I got the heck out of there!” the woman said sadly. A few other people heard the
conversation and pitched in with their memories of what happened, but no one
knew how the night’s events got started.
Dejected, Mac turned towards
Harm and tried to fight back the tears, but it was a futile effort. One by one the tears escaped her eyes
and she looked away nervously. Harm
stepped a little closer and wiped the tears from her cheeks with his thumb, just
as he had done so many times in the past.
Then he took her into his arms and she buried her face in his
shoulder. He wanted to tell her
that it was okay and everything would be alright, but he knew that wasn’t
entirely true and wouldn’t make her feel any better. So he just continued to hold her. As he rubbed her back in consolation,
she began to cry softly. At the
sound of her small sobs, tears welled up in his own eyes.
They stood there like that for
a long time, until Mac shifted her face toward the scene unfolding before
them. They watched as the firemen
worked to contain the fire, and then put it out completely. The building looked like a total loss,
even to the untrained eye.
Still leaning against Harm, Mac
mumbled, “What am I going to do now?”
The hopelessness in her voice tore at his heart and a few tears escaped
his eyes. He pulled her closer and
whispered in her ear, “We’re going to take this one day at a
time.”
“We?”
“Yes, *we*. You know I am always there for you. Tonight, you are going to come to my
apartment, we are both going to get some sleep, and everything else can wait
until tomorrow. We’ll come back for
your car in the morning.”
“Okay.” Mac sighed and allowed herself to feel a
little bit of hope. Maybe she
really could get through this--with Harm’s help.
He took her hand and led her
back to his car. He gave her
another hug before helping her into the passenger side and closing her
door. As he got in his seat beside
her, he reached over and squeezed her hand and gave her a reassuring
smile.
“We’ll get through this,
Mac.”
“I know. And thanks.”
-----
Chapter 2
Mon. Dec. 1 2130 EST
Harm’s
Apartment
North of Union
Station
Harm carried their sea bags
into the bedroom and made his way to the kitchen.
“Why don’t you get comfortable
and I’ll make some cocoa.”
“Sounds good,” Mac said as she
began digging through her bag for something to wear.
Minutes later they were
relaxing in the living room and drinking cocoa, neither feeling the need to
talk. After a while, Mac broke the
silence. “Are you sure you don’t
mind me staying here tonight?”
“Of course I don’t mind! What did you think I would do, leave you
homeless on the street?”
“I could have gone to a hotel,”
Mac volunteered.
“Nonsense. You are *always* welcome here,
Mac.” Harm hoped she saw the
sincerity in his eyes.
“Thanks. That’s good to know.” Mac smiled shyly and hesitated before
speaking again. “So, about the
sleeping arrangements…”
“You get the bed,” Harm quickly
decided.
“What? It’s *your* bed. You should sleep in it,” Mac said
stubbornly.
“No, I am not the one who has
just experienced a tragedy. You
said yourself that you missed sleeping on a big, comfortable bed. And after everything that has happened
tonight, you deserve a good night’s sleep.
I’ll take the couch. It
folds out into a pretty decent bed.
It’s *my* couch, so I’m sleeping on it.” Harm crossed his arms in
finality.
“Okay, if that’s what you want,
I’m not going to argue with you.
I’m too tired anyway. Good
night, Harm.” Mac smiled and
squeezed his shoulder as she walked past him toward the
bedroom.
“Good night, Mac.”
-----
Tues. Dec. 2 0700 EST
Harm’s
Apartment
North of Union
Station
“Harm, let’s not tell anyone
about any of this yet. I’m not
ready for a crowd of sympathizers about my apartment and I’d rather avoid the
raised eyebrows when they find out I’m staying here with you. I just don’t want to face all that right
now.” The look on Mac’s face was a
look Harm remembered all too well.
It was the same look that she had on the Guadalcanal when she had wanted
to get away and he had pressured her.
At least he knew now when *not* to push her.
“Sure, I won’t say anything if
you don’t want me to. But, you know
you will have to tell people eventually.
Otherwise, you are going to have a lot of explaining to do when someone
goes to your apartment and finds a charred building
instead.”
“I know. I just don’t want to deal with that
today. I have enough to deal with
already: my landlord, my insurance company, buying new clothes, new furniture,
new everything…” Mac sighed as the weight of it all started to hit
her.
“And it will all turn out
fine--it just will take some time.
Speaking of time, we need to get going if we are going to get your car
before heading to work.”
During the drive to her
apartment, Harm tried to let Mac guide their conversations, the few that they
had at least. Mac spent most of the
drive thinking to herself.
“You know, Harm,” Mac began
softly after a long silence. “I
really haven’t lost that much, if you stop to think about it. Furniture, clothes, jewelry: all those
things can be replaced. I really
didn’t have a whole lot of things with sentimental value. You know my past. I’m not exactly nostalgic about it so I
haven’t made an effort to hang on to things that bring back those memories. The things that truly meant a lot to me
were pictures, and most of the important pictures you have copies of anyway, so
I really haven’t lost much.”
Harm smiled to himself as he
processed what Mac was saying. The
pictures that meant the most to her were pictures that he had as well, so that
meant that they were pictures of the two of them together. Encouraged by that thought, he reached
over and impulsively squeezed her hand once he had parked the
car.
“Everything’s going to be
alright in the end, Mac.”
“I know it will. But it doesn’t hurt to be
reminded.” Mac squeezed his hand
back and the two of them got out of the car and walked toward the apartment
building. They talked to a few
people there and were advised to go to the fire station that evening for any
items that had been recovered.
Once they retrieved Mac’s car
they drove separately to JAG. As
Mac walked into the bullpen, Harriet greeted her with a cheery smile. “Morning, Ma’am. Glad to have you back. I bet you were glad to sleep in your own
bed last night.”
Harm saw Mac stiffen as the
watched the exchange from his office door.
He chuckled to himself as he heard Mac’s quick
reply.
“Harriet, *any* bed is better
than the little shelf they give you on a carrier!” Mac grinned and continued to
her office.
-----
Tues. Dec. 2 1645 EST
JAG
Headquarters
Falls Church,
VA
Mac had spent most of the day
in her office on the phone trying to straighten out her life. Harm stayed at a distance, knowing that
was what she wanted. He had offered
to take her to lunch, but she had politely refused, claiming she just wanted
some time to herself, so he had backed off. Late in the day, Harm casually leaned on
her door. Mac was on the phone, but
motioned for him to come in so he sat down in a chair and waited for her to end
her phone call.
“Let me know if there is
anything I can do,” Harm said sincerely once she hung up the
phone.
“Thanks, but I think I have
everything under control. The
insurance company is going to send a check within a few days, once they get the
paperwork they need. Thank God I
had renters’ insurance! There is no
way I could replace everything without it.”
“That’s great! That takes care of what was in the
apartment, but what about the apartment itself? Have you talked to your
landlord?”
“Yes, that would be my one
biggest problem. Mr. Cramer has
been wanting to get out of the ‘landlord business’, those are his words, and has
been thinking about selling the building.
Now that the building has sustained so much damage, he has even more of
an incentive to just get out. He is
going to sell the property ‘as-is’ and let the new owner do whatever he wants
with it--whether that means restoring it or tearing the whole building down and
starting over.”
“So, where does that leave you
and all the other residents?”
“Well, Mr. Cramer has given
everyone an ‘out’ if they want it.
Basically, our rent contracts are null and void. All parties can just walk away if we so
choose. But if we still want to
live there, we will have ‘first dibs’ once the building is restored or rebuilt
under the new owner.”
“So what are you going to
do?”
“I can’t just wait around for
an indefinite amount of time. I
think I am at a point where I just would rather move on. I have many memories there, both good
and bad. But now I’m ready for a
fresh start.”
Harm was relieved that she was
taking this so well, but felt oddly disturbed that she could just as well be
talking about her relationship with him, and not about her apartment. He quickly shoved that thought into the
back of his mind and switched to the reason he came to her office in the first
place.
“Are you ready to call it a
day? I am assuming you want to go
to the fire station to see if they recovered anything from your apartment. I’ll be glad to go with you, if you
want.”
“Yeah, just give me a few
minutes.”
-----
Tues. Dec. 2 2030 EST
Harm’s
Apartment
North of Union
Station
“Thanks for dinner. I never ate this good at my
apartment.”
“Except for those times when I
came over and cooked,” Harm said with a wink.
“Very funny, squid.” Mac shot back with a smile. But seconds later, her smile faded and
she looked away.
Harm’s tone grew serious. “Mac, are you okay? You’ve been kind of quiet all
night.”
“I’ve never been able to hide
anything from you, have I?” Mac
allowed a small laugh to escape, before she turned serious again. “It’s just that when I told the clerk my
apartment number and he brought out my things it was like he was handing me what
remained of my life--just a few oddball pieces. It had such a finality to it.” Mac looked away
again.
“Mac, your life is more than
just your material possessions. If
you didn’t already know that, you are about to learn it the hard
way.”
“I know that, at least in my
head I do. But that doesn’t make it
any easier to accept what happened.
I guess I should just be glad that my fire-proof security box
survived. Everything that really
*is* important was in there.”
“You know, those things are
only rated up to certain temperatures and for limited amounts of time. You are fortunate that it was in the
part of your apartment that was the least damaged.”
“Thanks for pointing out the
silver lining in the clouds.”
“Anytime, Mac.” Harm gave her his best flyboy grin as
they both stood to put away the dinner dishes.
After dinner they both settled
onto the couch to watch TV. Not
finding anything satisfactory to watch, Harm pressed mute and turned to
Mac.
“Mac, you know you are welcome
to stay here as long as you need to.
Unless…of course…you would rather stay with Webb.” Harm ignored the bitter taste in his
mouth as that name rolled off his tongue.
“No!” Mac said a little too quickly before
trying to explain. “I mean…He’s on
another mission right now and…I just don’t want to stay with him…It would be
awkward…since we are in a relationship…of sorts.”
Harm thought about the irony of
the situation. Mac thought it would
be awkward to stay with Webb, the man she was involved with. Yet, she apparently didn’t think it
would be awkward to stay here with him.
Maybe she really meant it when she said “never”. Maybe she really was tired of “dancing
around that thing” that was between them.
But if that were the case, why was she having so much trouble explaining
the nature of her relationship with Webb?
Then again, neither one of them could explain the nature of their
relationship with each other.
Then Harm started to think back
to another ironic situation--the time when he needed to go car shopping and he
didn’t want to take Jordan. [You
take your girlfriend with you to go car shopping, you might as well buy her a
ring!] So he had taken Mac
instead. Only now did he realize
the irony and he wondered if Mac had realized it at the time. Mac’s voice snapped him back to
reality.
“Harm? Are you still with me?” Mac had a worried expression on her
face. “You look like you’re a
million miles away.”
“Sorry. I was just
thinking.”
“About
what?”
“Oh, nothing important.” Harm tried to sound nonchalant and
changed the subject. “Like I was
saying, you are welcome to stay here as long as you want.”
“Thanks, Harm. I was already worrying that I was
overstaying my welcome.”
“Don’t be silly. I’m not going to kick you
out.”
“Even if it takes me weeks to
find an apartment?” Mac looked at
him questioningly.
“Even then,” Harm replied
sincerely. Weeks of having her with
him all the time could be a pleasant change--one that he was looking forward
to.
“Then I guess we need to do
something about the sleeping arrangements.”
Harm raised one eyebrow. “Just what are you suggesting,
marine?”
Mac rolled her eyes. “I’m suggesting that you sleeping on the
couch every night is not fair.”
“Mac, I don’t think it’s a good
idea for us to--”
Mac cut him off. “I’m just saying that we should
alternate--take turns. You slept on
the couch last night, so I’ll sleep on it tonight. Fair enough?”
Harm seemed almost
relieved. “Fair
enough.”
-----
Chapter 3
Wed. Dec. 3 0800 EST
JAG
Headquarters
Falls Church,
VA
Mac walked into her office and
stopped only to put down her things.
She took a deep breath and made her way over to Harriet’s desk. She knew she needed to change her
address on file and Harm was right--she should tell her friends sooner rather
than later.
“Good morning,
Harriet”
“Good morning ma’am. Is there something I can do for
you?”
“Actually, I need to tell you
something.” Mac looked around
nervously.
“Okay, what is it?” Harriet looked up questioningly,
confused by Mac’s strange expression.
“Um, well…” Mac hesitated, not
sure of how to start. “Two days ago
I moved in with Harm,” she blurted out suddenly.
Harriet’s eyes grew perfectly
round and her jaw dropped. She
suddenly squealed with delight.
“YOU MOVED IN WITH THE COMMAN--”
Mac glared at her. “With the
commander?” Harriet finished in a
whisper at Mac’s stare.
Mac began frantically looking
around to determine if anyone had heard Harriet’s outburst. She practically came face to face with
the Admiral who had been walking by at that exact moment. He merely grunted and kept walking. Mac suddenly felt a dull pain in the
bottom of her stomach. She quickly
turned back to Harriet.
“There’s more to the
story. I’ll explain later. I think I need to explain it to the
Admiral first.” And with that, Mac
hurriedly followed the Admiral to his office, leaving one smiling lieutenant
behind her.
Mac rushed into the Admiral’s
office without even asking permission to enter. She stood at attention waiting for him
to address her.
“Colonel, is there something
you need to see me about?” AJ just
stood there with his arms crossed and his head in the air, looking down his nose
at her--a stance that would be intimidating to most officers if they weren’t
used to it.
“Sir, it’s not what you think!”
Mac exclaimed a little too forcefully.
“Colonel, are you presuming to
know what I am thinking?” AJ
challenged.
“No, sir!” Mac replied
reflexively. She slowly opened her
mouth to continue, but thought better of it.
“Now, what was it you came to
tell me?”
“Sir, my apartment burned two
nights ago. We, that is, Commander
Rabb and I found my building on fire when we were on our way home from the
McCloud investigation. I didn’t
have anywhere else to go, so the Commander offered to let me stay at his place
until I can find another apartment.”
AJ’s expression immediately
softened when he heard the news.
“Colonel, I’m so sorry about your apartment. Let me know if there is anything I can
do to help.”
“Thank you, sir. But I think we have everything under
control.”
AJ mentally noted her use of
the term “we”, but didn’t acknowledge it.
“Good. Oh, one more
thing. You two keep your domestic
issues out of the office. Do I make
myself clear?
Mac hesitated. “Yes, sir. I assure you that nothing is going on
between us. It is just a matter of
one friend helping out another in a time of need, that’s
all.”
AJ muttered a disbelieving
“Hmmph” before dismissing her.
-----
Same time
Harriet tried to concentrate on
her work, but she couldn’t keep her mind off of the news Mac had just
divulged. She felt like she would
burst if she didn’t tell someone, but she could tell that Mac didn’t want it to
be public knowledge just yet. So
she decided to reveal the news only to Bud later. When she saw Harm unlocking his office
door, she put down her pen and tried to walk towards his office as calmly as
possible.
“Good morning, Sir,” she said
with too much of a grin to be a normal casual greeting.
“Good morning, Harriet,” Harm
replied, without looking in her direction.
“How’s everything going?”
Harriet asked eagerly as she walked into his office.
“Fine, thanks.” Harm looked at her for the first time
and was puzzled by the look on her face.
She was *too* cheery, even for Harriet.
“Sir, Colonel Mackenzie told me
what happened.”
“She did?” Harm was truly surprised that Mac had
told anyone about the fire after her request to him the previous
morning.
“Yes, well, she hasn’t given me
all the details yet, but she told me the basics.” Harriet made no effort to hide her
smile, which confused Harm even more.
“How is Colonel Mackenzie, by
the way?” Harriet asked with a
mischievous grin.
“She’s fine, all things
considered,” Harm replied slowly, still puzzled by Harriet’s facial
expressions.
Harriet laughed. “You make it sound like some kind of
traumatic experience. I’m sure Mac
is very happy. And I, for one, am
very glad this happened,” Harriet gushed.
“You are?” Harm was
dumbfounded.
“Of course. It’s an answer to prayer!” Harriet grinned and walked out of the
office, leaving one stunned and confused Commander wondering what had just
happened.
He was still staring out into
the bullpen when Mac appeared in his doorway.
“You look about like I
feel. Can I come
in?”
Harm snapped out of his
trance. “Sure, it sounds like we
both need to talk.”
“Yeah, I just talked to the
Admiral.”
Harm perked up. “You did? Did you tell him everything? What did he say?”
“Yes, after a very embarrassing
misunderstanding I explained everything to him and he understands
now.”
“That’s good. I heard that you talked to
Harriet.”
“Well, I haven’t finished
explaining everything to her, I got a little sidetracked with the Admiral. I guess I still owe her an
explanation.”
“Mac, I just had the strangest
conversation with Harriet. Just
what *did* you tell her?”
“Just that I moved in with
you. I hadn’t gotten to the part
about my apartment yet when the Admiral walked by. I was pretty sure that he had heard what
I had said and taken it out of context, so I left to clear things up with
him.”
Harm suddenly started laughing
as he realized that the Admiral wasn’t the only one who had
misunderstood.
“What are you laughing
about?”
“Well, I’m not positive, but I
think that Harriet thinks that we are living *together*,” Harm said with a
wink.
“Harm, we *are* living
together.” Mac stated matter-of-factly, missing his double
meaning.
“Not in the way Harriet
thinks. She thinks we are *really*
together, romantically involved, sleeping in the same bed…” Harm gave Mac a minute to make the
connection.
“Oh, *that* kind of
together. I guess I really do need
to finish explaining it to her, soon, before the whole bullpen thinks that we,
uh, you know.” Mac, embarrassed,
quickly left Harm’s office to get Harriet.
She was relieved to find her still at her desk.
“Come with me. We need to finish our conversation from
earlier.” Mac avoided meeting
Harriet’s eyes as she led her back to Harm’s office.
“Yes, we do. You can’t just leave me hanging like
that! I want details! When? How?” Harriet eagerly followed Mac into Harm’s
office and Mac shut the door.
“I’m afraid I may have led you
to think the wrong thing,” Mac began.
“What do you
mean?”
“Harm and I aren’t
together.”
“What? But you told me you moved in with
him.” Harriet, confused, looked
from Mac to Harm and then back to Mac.
“Yes, that’s true, but it’s not
what you think.”
“It’s not? You two are…*not*
involved?”
“No,” they both answered in
unison, neither noticing the tinge of regret in the other’s
voice.
“Oh.” Harriet sounded disappointed. “I don’t understand. If you are not involved, then
why--”
Harm cut her off and spared Mac
from having to tell the story twice in one day. “Mac’s apartment was on fire when we
returned from the McCloud investigation.
I offered to let her stay with me until she could find another
place. That’s all. And just so you don’t have to ask, she
and I are taking turns sleeping on the couch.”
Mac smiled at Harm, grateful
that he had stepped in.
“Oh. I’m so embarrassed for jumping to
conclusions like that. I should
never have assumed--”
“Don’t worry about it,” Mac
quickly reassured her. “I was so
worried about not giving the Admiral the wrong idea that I gave *you* the wrong
idea in the process. But we are all
clear now, right?”
“Yes, ma’am. I guess you want me to take care of the
temporary address change paperwork, right?”
“Yes, and please don’t tell
anyone except Bud. I don’t want
people thinking the wrong thing, as we now know can happen very easily,” Mac
said with a chuckle.
“Yes, ma’am.” Harriet smiled and left the
office.
“The next time I tell someone
the news, I’m starting with the part about the fire first. I don’t want to go through that
again!” Mac rolled her eyes and
stood to leave.
“No kidding!” Harm flashed a grin at her as she turned
to leave his office.
-----
Chapter 4
Wed. Dec. 3 1830 EST
Harm’s
Apartment
North of Union
Station
Mac unlocked Harm’s door and
carefully stepped inside, balancing the bag of groceries, her purse, and her
briefcase as she closed the door behind her. Harm quickly came down the bedroom steps
and took the bag from her as she set down the rest of her things and took off
her coat.
“You know, you didn’t have to
get groceries. I could have
gone.”
“I know, but I want to make
sure that I pull my weight around here.
It’s the least I can do in return for you being inconvenienced by my
staying here.”
“Mac, I am not keeping score
about who owes whom. And you are
*not* an inconvenience.” Harm had
begun pulling items out of the bag and putting them on the counter. “Just what are you planning on doing
with all this stuff you bought?”
“Obviously, I’m going to cook
dinner,” Mac rolled her eyes as she took the groceries away from Harm. “Now you just go back to whatever it was
that you were doing and let me do my thing.”
“That’s what I’m afraid
of.” Harm chuckled and walked back
to the bedroom.
-----
“That was delicious. I’m impressed.” Harm put his napkin down and leaned back
in his chair.
“You sound surprised. I *do* know how to cook, squid. I just don’t do it very often. When you live alone it’s just easier to
order take-out or warm up a frozen dinner.”
“Tell me about it. I have eaten better in the last two
nights than I did in an entire week when I lived alone!” Harm laughed as he began taking dishes
to the kitchen. He protested as Mac
tried to help.
“No, you cooked, I’ll clean
up. Besides, you should go look in
the closet and see if I made enough room for you. I cleared out a few drawers in the
dresser, too. Tell me if you need
more space.”
Mac froze. “Harm, you didn’t have to do
that!”
“Of course I did. If you are going to stay here for more
than a couple of nights, you deserve to have a place to put your clothes. I can’t make you live out of a
suitcase. I want you to feel at
home here.”
“I do feel at home. Thanks. For everything.” Mac put her hand on his shoulder and
hesitated briefly before putting her other arm around him and hugging him. Harm set down the plate he was holding
and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close, enjoying her warmth. It felt so good to have her in his
arms. They hadn’t hugged much at
all since Paraguay, until two nights ago when she had clung to him in front of
her apartment building. But they
hadn’t had much physical contact since that night. How he had missed being close to
her! All too soon Mac pulled away
and walked toward the bedroom, hoping he wouldn’t notice her wiping her
eyes.
A few minutes later she
returned with a grateful look on her face.
“Harm, I don’t need that much
space. I don’t have that many
clothes right now. Most of them
were victims of the fire, remember?”
“I know that. I just wanted to make sure that I was
prepared when you go shopping this weekend.”
“What a great idea! I’ll call Harriet and we’ll have a
girls’ day out on Saturday--an all day shop-a-thon!” Mac smiled the biggest smile Harm had
seen since the tragedy two nights ago.
“That is, unless you want to go shopping, too?”
Harm chuckled. “No, I think I’ll leave the serious
shopping to the professionals. I’d
only slow you down. I’m no match
for two women on a mission!”
-----
Thurs. Dec. 4 0700 EST
Harm’s
Apartment
North of Union
Station
Mac and Harm sat the bar eating
a quick breakfast.
“Mac, I forgot to ask you
something last night.”
“Ask
away.”
“Sturgis and I want to start
playing basketball together again.”
“Okay. What’s the part you wanted to ask
me?”
“Well, we want to go to the gym
every Thursday. Starting
tonight. Is that okay with
you?”
Mac turned to look at
Harm. “Why are you asking me
that? You used to play basketball
together on Thursday nights. It was
okay with me then, why should it be any different now?”
“Well, you live with me now
and--”
“So what? So I’ll have a few hours to myself. That’s not so bad. It’s not like we’re married and I’m some
insecure wife who won’t let her husband go out with the guys sometimes.” Mac couldn’t believe they were having
this conversation.
“No, you wouldn’t be that kind
of wife,” he replied softly as he got up to put his breakfast dishes in the
sink, not seeing the surprised expression on her face.
-----
Thurs. Dec. 4 1900 EST
Local Gym
Harm walked into the locker
room, set down his gym bag, and began to change clothes. Sturgis walked over with a concerned
look on his face.
“Everything okay?” Harm asked
when he saw Sturgis’s expression.
“I don’t know. I just tried to call Mac about our case
tomorrow and I got a message that her phone has been
disconnected.”
“That’s because she’s living
with me now,” Harm braced himself for what he knew would inevitably come
next.
“What? Are you serious? Have you been holding out on me,
buddy?” Sturgis’s eyes were wide
with surprise.
Harm laughed. “No, I’m not holding out on you. It just happened a few days ago. You see, her--”
Sturgis cut him off. “Wow! I guess her secret is finally out of the
bag. You two sure didn’t waste any
time. Well, except for the seven
years prior to now.” Sturgis
chuckled.
“Look, it’s not what you
think. Her apartment caught on fire
three nights ago and--. Wait, what
do you mean, ‘her secret is finally out of the bag’? Maybe *you* are the one holding out on
*me*! Do you know something I
don’t?” Now Harm was the one with
wide eyes.
Sturgis realized his mistake
right away. “I don’t know
anything.” He hoped Harm would drop
it. Mac would never let him forget
it if he broke his promise. He
tried to change the subject.
“You mean to tell me her apartment was destroyed by fire? That’s terrible. Is there anything I can do to
help?”
“No, everything is under
control. She is staying with me
temporarily until she can get another place. And just so you know, we are taking
turns sleeping on the couch. There
is nothing going on between us, so don’t assume anything, alright?” Harm noticed that Sturgis didn’t seem to
want to discuss his previous comment, so he decided not to pursue it.
“Okay, if you say so. I believe you, man.” Sturgis walked into the gym, shaking his
head. If those two couldn’t figure
things out while they were living under the same roof, then there was no hope
for them.
-----
Fri. Dec. 5 1930 EST
Harm’s
Apartment
North of Union
Station
“Mac, you are exhausted. You haven’t talked much all
evening. Why don’t you go relax and
I’ll finish cleaning up the kitchen.”
“I’m fine, really. Just a little tired,” Mac
protested.
“No, I think you’re more than
just a *little* tired, Mac. Sturgis
told me that you both had a rough day in court today. And your week didn’t exactly start off
very well either. Just let me take
care of the dishes. You just go
rest.”
“Okay, if you insist,” Mac made
an effort to roll her eyes at him but she was secretly thankful once she sat
down in the chair in the living room.
Harm quickly finished in the
kitchen and went over to stand behind where Mac was sitting. He placed his hands on her shoulders and
began to rub them gently. “Mac, you
are way too tense. Let me help you
relax.”
“Harm, you don’t have
to--”
“I know, but I want to. Just let me do this for you, okay?” Harm began rubbing her shoulders more
deeply without waiting for her reply.
“Well, I have to admit, that
does feel rather nice,” Mac said slowly.
The feel of his hands massaging her shoulders was doing more than just
relaxing her. It was setting off
sparks throughout her body. She had
almost forgotten what his touch did to her. The few times they had hugged this week
she had either been so overwhelmed by need or gratefulness that she hadn’t
thought about much else. But her
head was much clearer now. At least
it was until he put his hands on her shoulders. Now thinking straight was becoming
harder and harder. Maybe she
shouldn’t try to think straight.
Maybe she really should just relax and enjoy what he was doing for
her. Maybe…
“Harm?”
“Yeah,
Mac?”
“Why are you doing
this?”
“Doing what, giving you a
massage? Because I thought you
could use one. Do I need more of a
reason than that?”
“No, I guess not. But…well…it’s just that you have been so
nice to me a lot lately, and I was just wondering why.” Somehow it sounded silly to her once she
said it out loud.
“Mac.” Harm stopped rubbing her shoulders and
went around the chair and sat on the coffee table in front of her. He took her hands in his. “You have been my best friend for seven
years. We have been there for each
other more times than I can remember.
I’ll admit that things have been a little strained between us in the past
months, but I think we are moving past that. You are still my friend and if I think
you need me to do something for you, I’m going to do it. Is that so hard to
understand?”
“You didn’t say
‘best’”.
“What?” Harm was confused.
“You said that I am still your
friend, but you didn’t say that I am still your ‘best’ friend,” Mac
explained.
“Well, I guess we need to keep
working on the ‘best’ part, which is what I thought I was doing just now. Would you like me to continue?” Harm squeezed her hands and
smiled.
“You’d better, flyboy!” Mac
flashed him a sly grin and for a brief moment Harm saw a sparkle in her eyes
that he hadn’t seen a quite some time.
He stood up and walked back around the chair and resumed his massaging
duties.
“I owe you a big ‘thank you’,”
Mac said quietly.
“Mac, you have said ‘thank you’
to me more times than necessary this week.”
“No, that’s not what I’m
talking about. I never thanked you
for what you did for me in Paraguay.
And for that I am truly sorry.
We both said some pretty nasty things down there and I know it was
because we both had been through hell, but that still doesn’t excuse me for not
acknowledging what you did for me.”
Mac was glad he was standing behind her and couldn’t see the tears in her
eyes.
“Mac, it’s okay. We were both on edge down there, to say
the least. We weren’t
ourselves. It’s as simple as that,”
Harm said reassuringly. “And,
you’re welcome.”
A few minutes went by, as each
one got lost in their own memories of that experience. Then Mac broke the
silence.
“I didn’t mean it when I said
‘never’, you know,” Mac spoke so softly he almost didn’t hear
her.
Harm felt as if a weight had
been lifted off his shoulders. Ever
since she told him ‘never’, a small part of him desperately wanted to believe
that she hadn’t meant it, but a larger part of him was convinced that she
did. That one word had fueled all
the doubts he had been harboring.
He had almost resigned himself to the belief that they would never be
anything more than friends, and at times even being friends seemed
doubtful. But the words she had
just spoken severed that last link to his pessimism, and now he truly felt a
spark of hope for the first time since Paraguay.
“Yeah, I
know.”
Neither one saw the smile on
the other’s face.
-----
Mon. Dec. 8 0630 EST
Harm’s
Apartment
North of Union
Station
“That was fun. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed
running with you. But maybe
tomorrow you can keep up with me a little better, squid!” Mac’s eyes flashed
playfully.
“Me keep up with you?” Harm
asked incredulously. “I was having
to slow my pace in order to keep from leaving you behind! Tomorrow, you’re the one who needs to
keep up, jarhead!” Harm retorted
with a grin as they walked into the bedroom.
“You’re full of it! Just for that I have first dibs on the
shower!” Mac ran into the bathroom before Harm could say anything else. So, with a laugh, he just flopped down
on the bed, picked up a magazine, and waited.
Ever since their conversation
Friday night, things had seemed much more comfortable between them. Mac had spent a good part of the day
Saturday shopping with Harriet, but when she had decided that she still needed a
few more things on Sunday, Harm had insisted that he go along instead of
Harriet. He really didn’t have any
interest in the sales at the mall, but he did enjoy being able to spend time
with her, something he didn’t get to do on Saturday while she was with
Harriet. At some point during their
shopping trip they had decided to start running together every morning. They had agreed that it would be a
positive way to start each day and a good way to “connect”
again.
After a few minutes, Harm could
sense that he was being watched so he looked up and did a double take at what he
saw. Mac was standing in the
bathroom doorway clad in nothing but a towel, looking at him with a strange
expression on her face, just like in his vision almost three years ago. He felt the blood drain from his face
and his throat went dry. He
squeezed his eyes shut and expected to see her fully clothed when he reopened
them, but instead he still saw her there in the towel.
“Mac?” he managed to get out as
she began to walk toward him, the confusion evident in his
voice.
“I, uh, I guess in my haste to
claim the shower first, I seem to have forgotten my clothes. I’ll just get what I need and I’ll be
out in a few minutes.” Mac sounded
embarrassed as she made her way across the room to the
closet.
Harm only nodded in response,
not trusting his voice. He hoped
Mac really would be done soon. He
needed a shower--a *cold* shower.
-----
Chapter 5
Tues. Dec. 9 1145 EST
JAG
Headquarters
Falls Church,
VA
Mac hung up the phone and
rested her forehead in her hands.
She couldn’t reconcile the conflicting emotions running through her
head. She should be happy. The man she had been seeing was finally
coming home from his latest assignment and they had a date planned for Friday
night. So why did she feel so
confused? Maybe it was the roller
coaster of their relationship. A
few nice romantic dinners followed by a barren wilderness during which he was
gone away on a top secret mission to someplace where he couldn’t even call
her. Maybe that was why she was
finding it hard to enjoy the few times they *did* have together. She knew it would all come to a
screeching halt and he would go away again.
Mac sighed in frustration and
turned and looked out her window.
She would have to tell
Harm. Maybe that was what was
bothering her so much. As his
roommate, she had to give him the common courtesy of letting him know that she
wouldn’t be home Friday night. But
it’s not like they didn’t know this would happen sooner or later. They were both single adults who had
social lives. Surely Harm would
understand. Maybe *he* even has a
date lined up for Friday night as well and just hasn’t told her
yet.
Mac kept reasoning back and
forth in her head until a knock at her door startled her.
“Oh, sorry. I didn’t see you there. Come in,” Mac
stammered.
“You look like you had a battle
going on inside your head. Is
everything okay?” Harm asked concerned.
“Yeah, yeah. Everything’s fine. I just have a lot on my mind,” Mac hoped
she sounded convincing. She wasn’t
ready to tell him just yet.
“I was wondering if you had
lunch plans.”
“I’m, uh, really swamped with
this case. I was just going to grab
a sandwich downstairs and work through my lunch. Maybe some other time.” Mac smiled at him, but the smile didn’t
quite reach her eyes.
“Okay, some other time,” Harm
tried to hide the disappointment in his voice as he left her office. They had been getting so much closer
lately. He didn’t understand her
sudden change in attitude.
Mac spun around in her chair
away from the door. Why was this so
hard? It’s just a date. Something she has every right to
do. She didn’t need to justify
herself to him. She and Harm were
just friends, after all. They just
*happen* to be temporary roommates.
But if this was so insignificant, why was she so uncomfortable? And why had she just lied to her best
friend and turned down his offer for lunch? Now she had committed herself to
spending her lunchtime in her office.
[MacKenzie, what have you done this time?] She mentally scolded herself, sighed
again, and tried to focus on her work.
-----
Wed. Dec. 10 1930 EST
Harm’s
Apartment
North of Union
Station
“Mac, something is bothering
you. You’ve barely touched your
food tonight. That’s not like
you. We’ve hardly talked since
yesterday at lunch. Monday and
Tuesday morning we had so much fun while we ran together. But this morning, you barely even
acknowledged my presence. At the
office you haven’t spoken to me much at all unless it was work related. And, if I didn’t know better, I would
think you were even trying to avoid me.
Have I done something to make you upset?” Harm looked truly worried and
confused.
“No, it’s not you,” Mac said
quietly as she pushed her food around the plate with her
fork.
“So, you’re admitting that
something *is* bothering you?”
Mac sat in silence for a few
seconds and then she put down her fork.
“I have a date Friday night,”
she said quietly, figuring that the direct approach was the best way to
start.