Title: Keep the Home Fires Burning

Author: JAG Junkie (rondayoung@yahoo.com)

Rating: PG-13 (Just to be safe)

Category: Romance (H/M), a little angst, and a little humor

Disclaimer:  They are (sadly) not mine.  If they were, there would have been *a lot* more mistletoe in the Christmas episodes!

Spoilers: Anything up to “The Boast” with the exception of what is explained in the Author’s Note below.

 

Summary: When a fire destroys Mac’s apartment, she temporarily moves in with Harm.  As they rebuild their fragile friendship, can they also rekindle the smoldering fire between them?

 

Author’s Note #1: Set in season 9 shortly after Harm returns to JAG.  For the purposes of this story, I have resolved the Mattie storyline differently than we saw on the screen (hopefully a little more realistically), hence the long backstory in the prologue.  And I am going to pretend that Mac has already seen a psychiatrist for PTSD and resolved some of her Paraguay issues.  Also, I should note that the Webb you will see *briefly* in this story is the Webb of season 9, *not* the lovable spook we knew from earlier seasons.  So Webbies, you’ve been warned!

 

Author’s Note #2: This story started as a simple idea: What would happen if Mac suddenly moved in with Harm out of necessity, i.e. she was no longer able to live in her apartment for some reason.  To me, the easiest way to create that situation was to have her apartment destroyed by fire.  Having it condemned just seemed too unlikely.  I guess I could have gone with toxic mold infestation or something LOL!  Anyway, please don’t assume that I hate Mac because I destroy her apartment in a fire.  It is merely a means to an end.  I love Mac almost as much as I love Harm, although Harm will always be my first love ;-)  I suppose I could have written the story with the opposite premise (Harm’s apartment destroyed by fire and him moving in with Mac), but I wanted to have the story set in his apartment.  His open floorplan would create an instant awkwardness that would keep things interesting.

 

Author’s Note #3: I am aware that there are some fanfics where Mac and Harm move in together for other than romantic reasons.  I have not read any of these stories (yet).  So any similarities are purely coincidental.

 

 

 

Chapter 1 (Prologue)

 

Mon. Dec. 1, 2003   1945 EST

En route to Georgetown

 

Harm sighed as the car neared Georgetown.  Soon they would be at Mac’s apartment where he could drop her off and quickly head home.  Then they both could get some much-needed sleep.  They had been on a long and grueling investigation, but despite the pressure they had been under, he felt like things were finally becoming right in the world again.  He was back at JAG and working with Mac.  Those two factors alone made all the stress worth it.

 

He looked over at the beautiful woman sleeping in the car.  Getting to see Mac every day had certainly eased the transition back.  He had missed her deeply while he was working for the CIA.  But he had kept his distance because he thought that was what she wanted.  Then he met Mattie.

 

He had instantly bonded with the precocious teenager.  Something about her had kindled a nurturing instinct in him that he didn’t even know he had.  As he learned more about her and her situation, he knew he needed to help her and her dad, but he wasn’t sure how.  He had never dealt with an alcoholic before, except for Mac, but she had been sober the whole time he had known her.  Well, there was that one time when she fell off the wagon, but that was once in how many years?  So he did the one thing he knew he could do to help Mattie and her father, he enlisted Mac’s help.  She had more insights into dealing with that kind of thing than he did, and he knew he could always count Mac, despite the uncertain status of their relationship at the time.

 

As soon as Mac had heard the girl’s story, she had instantly agreed to help.  She didn’t want the young girl to have to experience the heartache and pain that she had been through.  And she could see how much this meant to Harm, so she couldn’t turn down his plea for help.  Not after what he did for her in Paraguay.  And, truth be told, she was missing Harm terribly.

 

The fact that Mac agreed to help convinced Harm that their friendship was not totally lost.  The bond that they shared was still there somewhere.  Maybe, with time, they could rebuild what they had.

 

So, together they had put Mattie and her dad back on the right track.  Mac convinced Tom to get help.  And Harm helped Mattie to understand what *really* happened the night her mother died, making reconcilement with her father much easier.

 

That left one problem: Mattie’s living arrangements while her father was in rehab.  Harm briefly considered petitioning to become her guardian, but realistically he knew that it would never be approved.  A single guy living in a one bedroom apartment who had to travel often in his job, sometimes to dangerous war zones--not exactly the best situation for a teenager.  And the fact that she was 14 and he had just met her was sure to raise some red flags, not to mention some eyebrows.

 

On a whim, they had begun talking to Mattie’s neighbors for suggestions.  When Mrs. Livingstone found out about Mattie’s plight, she had insisted that Mattie stay with her.  She had known Mattie for many years and thought of her as the granddaughter she never had.  Mattie had been so busy trying to run Grace Aviation that she hadn’t spoken to her much lately, so Mrs. Livingstone had no idea what had been going on.  When it had been decided that Mattie would stay with her temporarily, she began gushing about how nice it would be to have someone to keep her company and “keep her young”.  And Mattie had to admit that the prospect of Mrs. Livingstone’s cooking every day was a definite draw.  She was getting tired of ordering pizzas.

 

As he thought back over the past few months, Harm chuckled to himself at the irony.  He had done it once again: helped someone he barely knew while avoiding the endless red tape of bureaucracy.  And with Mac’s help, Mattie and Tom’s relationship was on the road to recovery and healing.  Now, if only he and Mac could do the same with their own relationship!

 

At least they *seemed* to be making some progress, even if it was at a snail’s pace at times.  This last case they were investigating forced them to talk to each other each day, and some of the old familiarity was beginning to return.  There was still some tension and uncertainty between them, but the trust and loyalty were definitely still there.  Those two traits were fundamental parts of that special bond that they shared--the one that they were afraid to identify, the “thing” that invaded every facet of their lives, whether they wanted it to or not.

 

Harm looked over at Mac again as he neared her street.  She was sleeping so peacefully that he hated to wake her.  But he was too tired to carry her up to her apartment, and she would probably protest if he did anyway, so he reached over and touched her arm.

 

“Hmmph?” Mac mumbled something indecipherable.

 

“You’re almost home.  In just a few minutes you will be in your own bed.”

 

“Oh, that’s sounds wonderful.  I have missed my big, comfortable bed and my quiet apartment.”  Mac was more coherent now as she stretched her arms and yawned.  Harm chuckled at her and then turned his gaze back to the road.  As he rounded the corner to her street, his face froze and he suddenly gripped the steering wheel.  Mac was immediately on full alert.

 

“Harm, what’s wrong?” she asked urgently.

 

“Oh my God,” was all Harm quietly said as he continued to stare straight ahead.  Mac turned to follow his gaze and repeated his words when she saw the scene down the street.  Her entire apartment building was engulfed in flames.  Fire engines lined the street and dozens of people stood around watching with horror as the firefighters did their jobs.

 

Harm raced down the street, parked as close as he could without interfering with the activities, and they both jumped out and ran towards the crowd.  Mac spotted a neighbor and immediately inquired about what happened.

 

“Don’t know.  All of a sudden smoke detectors and fire alarms were going off and people were yelling to get out.  So I grabbed my purse and my box of important papers and I got the heck out of there!” the woman said sadly.  A few other people heard the conversation and pitched in with their memories of what happened, but no one knew how the night’s events got started.

 

Dejected, Mac turned towards Harm and tried to fight back the tears, but it was a futile effort.  One by one the tears escaped her eyes and she looked away nervously.  Harm stepped a little closer and wiped the tears from her cheeks with his thumb, just as he had done so many times in the past.  Then he took her into his arms and she buried her face in his shoulder.  He wanted to tell her that it was okay and everything would be alright, but he knew that wasn’t entirely true and wouldn’t make her feel any better.  So he just continued to hold her.  As he rubbed her back in consolation, she began to cry softly.  At the sound of her small sobs, tears welled up in his own eyes.

 

They stood there like that for a long time, until Mac shifted her face toward the scene unfolding before them.  They watched as the firemen worked to contain the fire, and then put it out completely.  The building looked like a total loss, even to the untrained eye.

 

Still leaning against Harm, Mac mumbled, “What am I going to do now?”  The hopelessness in her voice tore at his heart and a few tears escaped his eyes.  He pulled her closer and whispered in her ear, “We’re going to take this one day at a time.”

 

“We?”

 

“Yes, *we*.  You know I am always there for you.  Tonight, you are going to come to my apartment, we are both going to get some sleep, and everything else can wait until tomorrow.  We’ll come back for your car in the morning.”

 

“Okay.”  Mac sighed and allowed herself to feel a little bit of hope.  Maybe she really could get through this--with Harm’s help. 

 

He took her hand and led her back to his car.  He gave her another hug before helping her into the passenger side and closing her door.  As he got in his seat beside her, he reached over and squeezed her hand and gave her a reassuring smile.

 

“We’ll get through this, Mac.”

 

“I know.  And thanks.”

 

-----

 

Chapter 2

 

Mon. Dec. 1   2130 EST

Harm’s Apartment

North of Union Station

 

Harm carried their sea bags into the bedroom and made his way to the kitchen.

 

“Why don’t you get comfortable and I’ll make some cocoa.”

 

“Sounds good,” Mac said as she began digging through her bag for something to wear.

 

Minutes later they were relaxing in the living room and drinking cocoa, neither feeling the need to talk.  After a while, Mac broke the silence.  “Are you sure you don’t mind me staying here tonight?”

 

“Of course I don’t mind!  What did you think I would do, leave you homeless on the street?”

 

“I could have gone to a hotel,” Mac volunteered.

 

“Nonsense.  You are *always* welcome here, Mac.”  Harm hoped she saw the sincerity in his eyes.

 

“Thanks.  That’s good to know.”  Mac smiled shyly and hesitated before speaking again.  “So, about the sleeping arrangements…”

 

“You get the bed,” Harm quickly decided.

 

“What?  It’s *your* bed.  You should sleep in it,” Mac said stubbornly.

 

“No, I am not the one who has just experienced a tragedy.  You said yourself that you missed sleeping on a big, comfortable bed.  And after everything that has happened tonight, you deserve a good night’s sleep.  I’ll take the couch.  It folds out into a pretty decent bed.  It’s *my* couch, so I’m sleeping on it.” Harm crossed his arms in finality.

 

“Okay, if that’s what you want, I’m not going to argue with you.  I’m too tired anyway.  Good night, Harm.”  Mac smiled and squeezed his shoulder as she walked past him toward the bedroom.

 

“Good night, Mac.”

 

-----

 

Tues. Dec. 2   0700 EST

Harm’s Apartment

North of Union Station

 

“Harm, let’s not tell anyone about any of this yet.  I’m not ready for a crowd of sympathizers about my apartment and I’d rather avoid the raised eyebrows when they find out I’m staying here with you.  I just don’t want to face all that right now.”  The look on Mac’s face was a look Harm remembered all too well.  It was the same look that she had on the Guadalcanal when she had wanted to get away and he had pressured her.  At least he knew now when *not* to push her.

 

“Sure, I won’t say anything if you don’t want me to.  But, you know you will have to tell people eventually.  Otherwise, you are going to have a lot of explaining to do when someone goes to your apartment and finds a charred building instead.”

 

“I know.  I just don’t want to deal with that today.  I have enough to deal with already: my landlord, my insurance company, buying new clothes, new furniture, new everything…” Mac sighed as the weight of it all started to hit her.

 

“And it will all turn out fine--it just will take some time.  Speaking of time, we need to get going if we are going to get your car before heading to work.”

 

During the drive to her apartment, Harm tried to let Mac guide their conversations, the few that they had at least.  Mac spent most of the drive thinking to herself.

 

“You know, Harm,” Mac began softly after a long silence.  “I really haven’t lost that much, if you stop to think about it.  Furniture, clothes, jewelry: all those things can be replaced.  I really didn’t have a whole lot of things with sentimental value.  You know my past.  I’m not exactly nostalgic about it so I haven’t made an effort to hang on to things that bring back those memories.  The things that truly meant a lot to me were pictures, and most of the important pictures you have copies of anyway, so I really haven’t lost much.”

 

Harm smiled to himself as he processed what Mac was saying.  The pictures that meant the most to her were pictures that he had as well, so that meant that they were pictures of the two of them together.  Encouraged by that thought, he reached over and impulsively squeezed her hand once he had parked the car.

 

“Everything’s going to be alright in the end, Mac.”

 

“I know it will.  But it doesn’t hurt to be reminded.”  Mac squeezed his hand back and the two of them got out of the car and walked toward the apartment building.  They talked to a few people there and were advised to go to the fire station that evening for any items that had been recovered.

 

Once they retrieved Mac’s car they drove separately to JAG.  As Mac walked into the bullpen, Harriet greeted her with a cheery smile.  “Morning, Ma’am.  Glad to have you back.  I bet you were glad to sleep in your own bed last night.”

 

Harm saw Mac stiffen as the watched the exchange from his office door.  He chuckled to himself as he heard Mac’s quick reply.

 

“Harriet, *any* bed is better than the little shelf they give you on a carrier!” Mac grinned and continued to her office.

 

-----

 

Tues. Dec. 2   1645 EST

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, VA

 

Mac had spent most of the day in her office on the phone trying to straighten out her life.  Harm stayed at a distance, knowing that was what she wanted.  He had offered to take her to lunch, but she had politely refused, claiming she just wanted some time to herself, so he had backed off.  Late in the day, Harm casually leaned on her door.  Mac was on the phone, but motioned for him to come in so he sat down in a chair and waited for her to end her phone call.

 

“Let me know if there is anything I can do,” Harm said sincerely once she hung up the phone.

 

“Thanks, but I think I have everything under control.  The insurance company is going to send a check within a few days, once they get the paperwork they need.  Thank God I had renters’ insurance!  There is no way I could replace everything without it.”

 

“That’s great!  That takes care of what was in the apartment, but what about the apartment itself?  Have you talked to your landlord?”

 

“Yes, that would be my one biggest problem.  Mr. Cramer has been wanting to get out of the ‘landlord business’, those are his words, and has been thinking about selling the building.  Now that the building has sustained so much damage, he has even more of an incentive to just get out.  He is going to sell the property ‘as-is’ and let the new owner do whatever he wants with it--whether that means restoring it or tearing the whole building down and starting over.”

 

“So, where does that leave you and all the other residents?”

 

“Well, Mr. Cramer has given everyone an ‘out’ if they want it.  Basically, our rent contracts are null and void.  All parties can just walk away if we so choose.  But if we still want to live there, we will have ‘first dibs’ once the building is restored or rebuilt under the new owner.”

 

“So what are you going to do?”

 

“I can’t just wait around for an indefinite amount of time.  I think I am at a point where I just would rather move on.  I have many memories there, both good and bad.  But now I’m ready for a fresh start.”

 

Harm was relieved that she was taking this so well, but felt oddly disturbed that she could just as well be talking about her relationship with him, and not about her apartment.  He quickly shoved that thought into the back of his mind and switched to the reason he came to her office in the first place.

 

“Are you ready to call it a day?  I am assuming you want to go to the fire station to see if they recovered anything from your apartment.  I’ll be glad to go with you, if you want.”

 

“Yeah, just give me a few minutes.”

 

-----

 

Tues. Dec. 2   2030 EST

Harm’s Apartment

North of Union Station

 

“Thanks for dinner.  I never ate this good at my apartment.”

 

“Except for those times when I came over and cooked,” Harm said with a wink.

 

“Very funny, squid.”  Mac shot back with a smile.  But seconds later, her smile faded and she looked away.

 

Harm’s tone grew serious.  “Mac, are you okay?  You’ve been kind of quiet all night.”

 

“I’ve never been able to hide anything from you, have I?”  Mac allowed a small laugh to escape, before she turned serious again.  “It’s just that when I told the clerk my apartment number and he brought out my things it was like he was handing me what remained of my life--just a few oddball pieces.  It had such a finality to it.”  Mac looked away again.

 

“Mac, your life is more than just your material possessions.  If you didn’t already know that, you are about to learn it the hard way.”

 

“I know that, at least in my head I do.  But that doesn’t make it any easier to accept what happened.  I guess I should just be glad that my fire-proof security box survived.  Everything that really *is* important was in there.”

 

“You know, those things are only rated up to certain temperatures and for limited amounts of time.  You are fortunate that it was in the part of your apartment that was the least damaged.”

 

“Thanks for pointing out the silver lining in the clouds.”

 

“Anytime, Mac.”  Harm gave her his best flyboy grin as they both stood to put away the dinner dishes.

 

After dinner they both settled onto the couch to watch TV.  Not finding anything satisfactory to watch, Harm pressed mute and turned to Mac.

 

“Mac, you know you are welcome to stay here as long as you need to.  Unless…of course…you would rather stay with Webb.”  Harm ignored the bitter taste in his mouth as that name rolled off his tongue.

 

“No!”  Mac said a little too quickly before trying to explain.  “I mean…He’s on another mission right now and…I just don’t want to stay with him…It would be awkward…since we are in a relationship…of sorts.”

 

Harm thought about the irony of the situation.  Mac thought it would be awkward to stay with Webb, the man she was involved with.  Yet, she apparently didn’t think it would be awkward to stay here with him.  Maybe she really meant it when she said “never”.  Maybe she really was tired of “dancing around that thing” that was between them.  But if that were the case, why was she having so much trouble explaining the nature of her relationship with Webb?  Then again, neither one of them could explain the nature of their relationship with each other.

 

Then Harm started to think back to another ironic situation--the time when he needed to go car shopping and he didn’t want to take Jordan.  [You take your girlfriend with you to go car shopping, you might as well buy her a ring!]  So he had taken Mac instead.  Only now did he realize the irony and he wondered if Mac had realized it at the time.  Mac’s voice snapped him back to reality.

 

“Harm?  Are you still with me?”  Mac had a worried expression on her face.  “You look like you’re a million miles away.”

 

“Sorry.  I was just thinking.”

 

“About what?”

 

“Oh, nothing important.”  Harm tried to sound nonchalant and changed the subject.  “Like I was saying, you are welcome to stay here as long as you want.”

 

“Thanks, Harm.  I was already worrying that I was overstaying my welcome.”

 

“Don’t be silly.   I’m not going to kick you out.”

 

“Even if it takes me weeks to find an apartment?”  Mac looked at him questioningly.

 

“Even then,” Harm replied sincerely.  Weeks of having her with him all the time could be a pleasant change--one that he was looking forward to.

 

“Then I guess we need to do something about the sleeping arrangements.”

 

Harm raised one eyebrow.  “Just what are you suggesting, marine?”

 

Mac rolled her eyes.  “I’m suggesting that you sleeping on the couch every night is not fair.”

 

“Mac, I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to--”

 

Mac cut him off.  “I’m just saying that we should alternate--take turns.  You slept on the couch last night, so I’ll sleep on it tonight.  Fair enough?”

 

Harm seemed almost relieved.  “Fair enough.”

 

-----

 

Chapter 3

 

Wed. Dec. 3   0800 EST

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, VA

 

Mac walked into her office and stopped only to put down her things.  She took a deep breath and made her way over to Harriet’s desk.  She knew she needed to change her address on file and Harm was right--she should tell her friends sooner rather than later.

 

“Good morning, Harriet”

 

“Good morning ma’am.  Is there something I can do for you?”

 

“Actually, I need to tell you something.”  Mac looked around nervously.

 

“Okay, what is it?”  Harriet looked up questioningly, confused by Mac’s strange expression.

 

“Um, well…” Mac hesitated, not sure of how to start.  “Two days ago I moved in with Harm,” she blurted out suddenly.

 

Harriet’s eyes grew perfectly round and her jaw dropped.  She suddenly squealed with delight.  “YOU MOVED IN WITH THE COMMAN--”  Mac glared at her.  “With the commander?”  Harriet finished in a whisper at Mac’s stare.

 

Mac began frantically looking around to determine if anyone had heard Harriet’s outburst.  She practically came face to face with the Admiral who had been walking by at that exact moment.  He merely grunted and kept walking.  Mac suddenly felt a dull pain in the bottom of her stomach.  She quickly turned back to Harriet.

 

“There’s more to the story.  I’ll explain later.  I think I need to explain it to the Admiral first.”  And with that, Mac hurriedly followed the Admiral to his office, leaving one smiling lieutenant behind her.

 

Mac rushed into the Admiral’s office without even asking permission to enter.  She stood at attention waiting for him to address her.

 

“Colonel, is there something you need to see me about?”  AJ just stood there with his arms crossed and his head in the air, looking down his nose at her--a stance that would be intimidating to most officers if they weren’t used to it.

 

“Sir, it’s not what you think!” Mac exclaimed a little too forcefully.

 

“Colonel, are you presuming to know what I am thinking?”  AJ challenged.

 

“No, sir!” Mac replied reflexively.  She slowly opened her mouth to continue, but thought better of it.

 

“Now, what was it you came to tell me?”

 

“Sir, my apartment burned two nights ago.  We, that is, Commander Rabb and I found my building on fire when we were on our way home from the McCloud investigation.  I didn’t have anywhere else to go, so the Commander offered to let me stay at his place until I can find another apartment.”

 

AJ’s expression immediately softened when he heard the news.  “Colonel, I’m so sorry about your apartment.  Let me know if there is anything I can do to help.”

 

“Thank you, sir.  But I think we have everything under control.”

 

AJ mentally noted her use of the term “we”, but didn’t acknowledge it.  “Good.  Oh, one more thing.  You two keep your domestic issues out of the office.  Do I make myself clear?

 

Mac hesitated.  “Yes, sir.  I assure you that nothing is going on between us.  It is just a matter of one friend helping out another in a time of need, that’s all.”

 

AJ muttered a disbelieving “Hmmph” before dismissing her.

 

-----

 

Same time

 

Harriet tried to concentrate on her work, but she couldn’t keep her mind off of the news Mac had just divulged.  She felt like she would burst if she didn’t tell someone, but she could tell that Mac didn’t want it to be public knowledge just yet.  So she decided to reveal the news only to Bud later.  When she saw Harm unlocking his office door, she put down her pen and tried to walk towards his office as calmly as possible.

 

“Good morning, Sir,” she said with too much of a grin to be a normal casual greeting.

 

“Good morning, Harriet,” Harm replied, without looking in her direction.

 

“How’s everything going?” Harriet asked eagerly as she walked into his office.

 

“Fine, thanks.”  Harm looked at her for the first time and was puzzled by the look on her face.  She was *too* cheery, even for Harriet.

 

“Sir, Colonel Mackenzie told me what happened.” 

 

“She did?”  Harm was truly surprised that Mac had told anyone about the fire after her request to him the previous morning.

 

“Yes, well, she hasn’t given me all the details yet, but she told me the basics.”  Harriet made no effort to hide her smile, which confused Harm even more.

 

“How is Colonel Mackenzie, by the way?”  Harriet asked with a mischievous grin.

 

“She’s fine, all things considered,” Harm replied slowly, still puzzled by Harriet’s facial expressions.

 

Harriet laughed.  “You make it sound like some kind of traumatic experience.  I’m sure Mac is very happy.  And I, for one, am very glad this happened,” Harriet gushed.

 

“You are?” Harm was dumbfounded.

 

“Of course.  It’s an answer to prayer!”  Harriet grinned and walked out of the office, leaving one stunned and confused Commander wondering what had just happened.

 

He was still staring out into the bullpen when Mac appeared in his doorway.

 

“You look about like I feel.  Can I come in?”

 

Harm snapped out of his trance.  “Sure, it sounds like we both need to talk.”

 

“Yeah, I just talked to the Admiral.”

 

Harm perked up.  “You did?  Did you tell him everything?  What did he say?”

 

“Yes, after a very embarrassing misunderstanding I explained everything to him and he understands now.”

 

“That’s good.  I heard that you talked to Harriet.”

 

“Well, I haven’t finished explaining everything to her, I got a little sidetracked with the Admiral.  I guess I still owe her an explanation.”

 

“Mac, I just had the strangest conversation with Harriet.  Just what *did* you tell her?”

 

“Just that I moved in with you.  I hadn’t gotten to the part about my apartment yet when the Admiral walked by.  I was pretty sure that he had heard what I had said and taken it out of context, so I left to clear things up with him.”

 

Harm suddenly started laughing as he realized that the Admiral wasn’t the only one who had misunderstood.

 

“What are you laughing about?”

 

“Well, I’m not positive, but I think that Harriet thinks that we are living *together*,” Harm said with a wink.

 

“Harm, we *are* living together.” Mac stated matter-of-factly, missing his double meaning.

 

“Not in the way Harriet thinks.  She thinks we are *really* together, romantically involved, sleeping in the same bed…”  Harm gave Mac a minute to make the connection.

 

“Oh, *that* kind of together.  I guess I really do need to finish explaining it to her, soon, before the whole bullpen thinks that we, uh, you know.”  Mac, embarrassed, quickly left Harm’s office to get Harriet.  She was relieved to find her still at her desk.

 

“Come with me.  We need to finish our conversation from earlier.”  Mac avoided meeting Harriet’s eyes as she led her back to Harm’s office.

 

“Yes, we do.  You can’t just leave me hanging like that!  I want details!  When?  How?”  Harriet eagerly followed Mac into Harm’s office and Mac shut the door.

 

“I’m afraid I may have led you to think the wrong thing,” Mac began.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Harm and I aren’t together.”

 

“What?  But you told me you moved in with him.”  Harriet, confused, looked from Mac to Harm and then back to Mac.

 

“Yes, that’s true, but it’s not what you think.”

 

“It’s not?  You two are…*not* involved?”

 

“No,” they both answered in unison, neither noticing the tinge of regret in the other’s voice.

 

“Oh.”  Harriet sounded disappointed.  “I don’t understand.  If you are not involved, then why--”

 

Harm cut her off and spared Mac from having to tell the story twice in one day.  “Mac’s apartment was on fire when we returned from the McCloud investigation.  I offered to let her stay with me until she could find another place.  That’s all.  And just so you don’t have to ask, she and I are taking turns sleeping on the couch.”

 

Mac smiled at Harm, grateful that he had stepped in.

 

“Oh.  I’m so embarrassed for jumping to conclusions like that.  I should never have assumed--”

 

“Don’t worry about it,” Mac quickly reassured her.  “I was so worried about not giving the Admiral the wrong idea that I gave *you* the wrong idea in the process.  But we are all clear now, right?”

 

“Yes, ma’am.  I guess you want me to take care of the temporary address change paperwork, right?”

 

“Yes, and please don’t tell anyone except Bud.  I don’t want people thinking the wrong thing, as we now know can happen very easily,” Mac said with a chuckle.

 

“Yes, ma’am.”  Harriet smiled and left the office.

 

“The next time I tell someone the news, I’m starting with the part about the fire first.  I don’t want to go through that again!”  Mac rolled her eyes and stood to leave.

 

“No kidding!”  Harm flashed a grin at her as she turned to leave his office.

 

-----

 

Chapter 4

 

Wed. Dec. 3   1830 EST

Harm’s Apartment

North of Union Station

 

Mac unlocked Harm’s door and carefully stepped inside, balancing the bag of groceries, her purse, and her briefcase as she closed the door behind her.  Harm quickly came down the bedroom steps and took the bag from her as she set down the rest of her things and took off her coat.

 

“You know, you didn’t have to get groceries.  I could have gone.”

 

“I know, but I want to make sure that I pull my weight around here.  It’s the least I can do in return for you being inconvenienced by my staying here.”

 

“Mac, I am not keeping score about who owes whom.  And you are *not* an inconvenience.”  Harm had begun pulling items out of the bag and putting them on the counter.  “Just what are you planning on doing with all this stuff you bought?”

 

“Obviously, I’m going to cook dinner,” Mac rolled her eyes as she took the groceries away from Harm.  “Now you just go back to whatever it was that you were doing and let me do my thing.”

 

“That’s what I’m afraid of.”  Harm chuckled and walked back to the bedroom.

 

-----

 

“That was delicious.  I’m impressed.”  Harm put his napkin down and leaned back in his chair.

 

“You sound surprised.  I *do* know how to cook, squid.  I just don’t do it very often.  When you live alone it’s just easier to order take-out or warm up a frozen dinner.”

 

“Tell me about it.  I have eaten better in the last two nights than I did in an entire week when I lived alone!”  Harm laughed as he began taking dishes to the kitchen.  He protested as Mac tried to help.

 

“No, you cooked, I’ll clean up.  Besides, you should go look in the closet and see if I made enough room for you.  I cleared out a few drawers in the dresser, too.  Tell me if you need more space.”

 

Mac froze.  “Harm, you didn’t have to do that!”

 

“Of course I did.  If you are going to stay here for more than a couple of nights, you deserve to have a place to put your clothes.  I can’t make you live out of a suitcase.  I want you to feel at home here.”

 

“I do feel at home.  Thanks.  For everything.”  Mac put her hand on his shoulder and hesitated briefly before putting her other arm around him and hugging him.  Harm set down the plate he was holding and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close, enjoying her warmth.  It felt so good to have her in his arms.  They hadn’t hugged much at all since Paraguay, until two nights ago when she had clung to him in front of her apartment building.  But they hadn’t had much physical contact since that night.  How he had missed being close to her!  All too soon Mac pulled away and walked toward the bedroom, hoping he wouldn’t notice her wiping her eyes.

 

A few minutes later she returned with a grateful look on her face.

 

“Harm, I don’t need that much space.  I don’t have that many clothes right now.  Most of them were victims of the fire, remember?”

 

“I know that.  I just wanted to make sure that I was prepared when you go shopping this weekend.”

 

“What a great idea!  I’ll call Harriet and we’ll have a girls’ day out on Saturday--an all day shop-a-thon!”  Mac smiled the biggest smile Harm had seen since the tragedy two nights ago.  “That is, unless you want to go shopping, too?”

 

Harm chuckled.  “No, I think I’ll leave the serious shopping to the professionals.  I’d only slow you down.  I’m no match for two women on a mission!”

 

-----

 

Thurs. Dec. 4   0700 EST

Harm’s Apartment

North of Union Station

 

Mac and Harm sat the bar eating a quick breakfast.

 

“Mac, I forgot to ask you something last night.”

 

“Ask away.”

 

“Sturgis and I want to start playing basketball together again.”

 

“Okay.  What’s the part you wanted to ask me?”

 

“Well, we want to go to the gym every Thursday.  Starting tonight.  Is that okay with you?”

 

Mac turned to look at Harm.  “Why are you asking me that?  You used to play basketball together on Thursday nights.  It was okay with me then, why should it be any different now?”

 

“Well, you live with me now and--”

 

“So what?  So I’ll have a few hours to myself.  That’s not so bad.  It’s not like we’re married and I’m some insecure wife who won’t let her husband go out with the guys sometimes.”  Mac couldn’t believe they were having this conversation.

 

“No, you wouldn’t be that kind of wife,” he replied softly as he got up to put his breakfast dishes in the sink, not seeing the surprised expression on her face.

 

-----

 

Thurs. Dec. 4   1900 EST

Local Gym

 

Harm walked into the locker room, set down his gym bag, and began to change clothes.  Sturgis walked over with a concerned look on his face.

 

“Everything okay?” Harm asked when he saw Sturgis’s expression.

 

“I don’t know.  I just tried to call Mac about our case tomorrow and I got a message that her phone has been disconnected.”

 

“That’s because she’s living with me now,” Harm braced himself for what he knew would inevitably come next.

 

“What?  Are you serious?  Have you been holding out on me, buddy?”  Sturgis’s eyes were wide with surprise.

 

Harm laughed.  “No, I’m not holding out on you.  It just happened a few days ago.  You see, her--”

 

Sturgis cut him off.  “Wow!  I guess her secret is finally out of the bag.  You two sure didn’t waste any time.  Well, except for the seven years prior to now.”  Sturgis chuckled.

 

“Look, it’s not what you think.  Her apartment caught on fire three nights ago and--.  Wait, what do you mean, ‘her secret is finally out of the bag’?  Maybe *you* are the one holding out on *me*!  Do you know something I don’t?”  Now Harm was the one with wide eyes.

 

Sturgis realized his mistake right away.  “I don’t know anything.”  He hoped Harm would drop it.  Mac would never let him forget it if he broke his promise.  He tried to change the subject.   “You mean to tell me her apartment was destroyed by fire?  That’s terrible.  Is there anything I can do to help?”

 

“No, everything is under control.  She is staying with me temporarily until she can get another place.  And just so you know, we are taking turns sleeping on the couch.  There is nothing going on between us, so don’t assume anything, alright?”  Harm noticed that Sturgis didn’t seem to want to discuss his previous comment, so he decided not to pursue it.

 

“Okay, if you say so.  I believe you, man.”  Sturgis walked into the gym, shaking his head.  If those two couldn’t figure things out while they were living under the same roof, then there was no hope for them.

 

-----

 

Fri. Dec. 5   1930 EST

Harm’s Apartment

North of Union Station

 

“Mac, you are exhausted.  You haven’t talked much all evening.  Why don’t you go relax and I’ll finish cleaning up the kitchen.”

 

“I’m fine, really.  Just a little tired,” Mac protested.

 

“No, I think you’re more than just a *little* tired, Mac.  Sturgis told me that you both had a rough day in court today.  And your week didn’t exactly start off very well either.  Just let me take care of the dishes.  You just go rest.”

 

“Okay, if you insist,” Mac made an effort to roll her eyes at him but she was secretly thankful once she sat down in the chair in the living room.

 

Harm quickly finished in the kitchen and went over to stand behind where Mac was sitting.  He placed his hands on her shoulders and began to rub them gently.  “Mac, you are way too tense.  Let me help you relax.”

 

“Harm, you don’t have to--”

 

“I know, but I want to.  Just let me do this for you, okay?”  Harm began rubbing her shoulders more deeply without waiting for her reply.

 

“Well, I have to admit, that does feel rather nice,” Mac said slowly.  The feel of his hands massaging her shoulders was doing more than just relaxing her.  It was setting off sparks throughout her body.  She had almost forgotten what his touch did to her.  The few times they had hugged this week she had either been so overwhelmed by need or gratefulness that she hadn’t thought about much else.  But her head was much clearer now.  At least it was until he put his hands on her shoulders.  Now thinking straight was becoming harder and harder.  Maybe she shouldn’t try to think straight.  Maybe she really should just relax and enjoy what he was doing for her.  Maybe…

 

“Harm?”

 

“Yeah, Mac?”

 

“Why are you doing this?”

 

“Doing what, giving you a massage?  Because I thought you could use one.  Do I need more of a reason than that?”

 

“No, I guess not.  But…well…it’s just that you have been so nice to me a lot lately, and I was just wondering why.”  Somehow it sounded silly to her once she said it out loud.

 

“Mac.”  Harm stopped rubbing her shoulders and went around the chair and sat on the coffee table in front of her.  He took her hands in his.  “You have been my best friend for seven years.  We have been there for each other more times than I can remember.  I’ll admit that things have been a little strained between us in the past months, but I think we are moving past that.  You are still my friend and if I think you need me to do something for you, I’m going to do it.  Is that so hard to understand?”

 

“You didn’t say ‘best’”.

 

“What?”  Harm was confused.

 

“You said that I am still your friend, but you didn’t say that I am still your ‘best’ friend,” Mac explained.

 

“Well, I guess we need to keep working on the ‘best’ part, which is what I thought I was doing just now.  Would you like me to continue?”  Harm squeezed her hands and smiled.

 

“You’d better, flyboy!” Mac flashed him a sly grin and for a brief moment Harm saw a sparkle in her eyes that he hadn’t seen a quite some time.  He stood up and walked back around the chair and resumed his massaging duties.

 

“I owe you a big ‘thank you’,” Mac said quietly.

 

“Mac, you have said ‘thank you’ to me more times than necessary this week.”

 

“No, that’s not what I’m talking about.  I never thanked you for what you did for me in Paraguay.  And for that I am truly sorry.  We both said some pretty nasty things down there and I know it was because we both had been through hell, but that still doesn’t excuse me for not acknowledging what you did for me.”  Mac was glad he was standing behind her and couldn’t see the tears in her eyes.

 

“Mac, it’s okay.  We were both on edge down there, to say the least.  We weren’t ourselves.  It’s as simple as that,” Harm said reassuringly.  “And, you’re welcome.”

 

A few minutes went by, as each one got lost in their own memories of that experience.  Then Mac broke the silence.

 

“I didn’t mean it when I said ‘never’, you know,” Mac spoke so softly he almost didn’t hear her.

 

Harm felt as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.  Ever since she told him ‘never’, a small part of him desperately wanted to believe that she hadn’t meant it, but a larger part of him was convinced that she did.  That one word had fueled all the doubts he had been harboring.  He had almost resigned himself to the belief that they would never be anything more than friends, and at times even being friends seemed doubtful.  But the words she had just spoken severed that last link to his pessimism, and now he truly felt a spark of hope for the first time since Paraguay.

 

“Yeah, I know.”

 

Neither one saw the smile on the other’s face.

 

-----

 

Mon. Dec. 8  0630 EST

Harm’s Apartment

North of Union Station

 

“That was fun.  I had forgotten how much I enjoyed running with you.  But maybe tomorrow you can keep up with me a little better, squid!”  Mac’s eyes flashed playfully.

 

“Me keep up with you?” Harm asked incredulously.  “I was having to slow my pace in order to keep from leaving you behind!  Tomorrow, you’re the one who needs to keep up, jarhead!”  Harm retorted with a grin as they walked into the bedroom.

 

“You’re full of it!  Just for that I have first dibs on the shower!” Mac ran into the bathroom before Harm could say anything else.  So, with a laugh, he just flopped down on the bed, picked up a magazine, and waited.

 

Ever since their conversation Friday night, things had seemed much more comfortable between them.  Mac had spent a good part of the day Saturday shopping with Harriet, but when she had decided that she still needed a few more things on Sunday, Harm had insisted that he go along instead of Harriet.  He really didn’t have any interest in the sales at the mall, but he did enjoy being able to spend time with her, something he didn’t get to do on Saturday while she was with Harriet.  At some point during their shopping trip they had decided to start running together every morning.  They had agreed that it would be a positive way to start each day and a good way to “connect” again.

 

After a few minutes, Harm could sense that he was being watched so he looked up and did a double take at what he saw.  Mac was standing in the bathroom doorway clad in nothing but a towel, looking at him with a strange expression on her face, just like in his vision almost three years ago.  He felt the blood drain from his face and his throat went dry.  He squeezed his eyes shut and expected to see her fully clothed when he reopened them, but instead he still saw her there in the towel.

 

“Mac?” he managed to get out as she began to walk toward him, the confusion evident in his voice.

 

“I, uh, I guess in my haste to claim the shower first, I seem to have forgotten my clothes.  I’ll just get what I need and I’ll be out in a few minutes.”  Mac sounded embarrassed as she made her way across the room to the closet.

 

Harm only nodded in response, not trusting his voice.  He hoped Mac really would be done soon.  He needed a shower--a *cold* shower.

 

-----

 

Chapter 5

 

Tues. Dec. 9   1145 EST

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, VA

 

Mac hung up the phone and rested her forehead in her hands.  She couldn’t reconcile the conflicting emotions running through her head.  She should be happy.  The man she had been seeing was finally coming home from his latest assignment and they had a date planned for Friday night.  So why did she feel so confused?  Maybe it was the roller coaster of their relationship.  A few nice romantic dinners followed by a barren wilderness during which he was gone away on a top secret mission to someplace where he couldn’t even call her.  Maybe that was why she was finding it hard to enjoy the few times they *did* have together.  She knew it would all come to a screeching halt and he would go away again.

 

Mac sighed in frustration and turned and looked out her window.

 

She would have to tell Harm.  Maybe that was what was bothering her so much.  As his roommate, she had to give him the common courtesy of letting him know that she wouldn’t be home Friday night.  But it’s not like they didn’t know this would happen sooner or later.  They were both single adults who had social lives.  Surely Harm would understand.  Maybe *he* even has a date lined up for Friday night as well and just hasn’t told her yet.

 

Mac kept reasoning back and forth in her head until a knock at her door startled her.

 

“Oh, sorry.  I didn’t see you there.  Come in,” Mac stammered.

 

“You look like you had a battle going on inside your head.  Is everything okay?” Harm asked concerned.

 

“Yeah, yeah.  Everything’s fine.  I just have a lot on my mind,” Mac hoped she sounded convincing.  She wasn’t ready to tell him just yet.

 

“I was wondering if you had lunch plans.”

 

“I’m, uh, really swamped with this case.  I was just going to grab a sandwich downstairs and work through my lunch.  Maybe some other time.”  Mac smiled at him, but the smile didn’t quite reach her eyes.

 

“Okay, some other time,” Harm tried to hide the disappointment in his voice as he left her office.  They had been getting so much closer lately.  He didn’t understand her sudden change in attitude.

 

Mac spun around in her chair away from the door.  Why was this so hard?  It’s just a date.  Something she has every right to do.  She didn’t need to justify herself to him.  She and Harm were just friends, after all.  They just *happen* to be temporary roommates.  But if this was so insignificant, why was she so uncomfortable?  And why had she just lied to her best friend and turned down his offer for lunch?  Now she had committed herself to spending her lunchtime in her office.  [MacKenzie, what have you done this time?]  She mentally scolded herself, sighed again, and tried to focus on her work.

 

-----

 

Wed. Dec. 10  1930 EST

Harm’s Apartment

North of Union Station

 

“Mac, something is bothering you.  You’ve barely touched your food tonight.  That’s not like you.  We’ve hardly talked since yesterday at lunch.  Monday and Tuesday morning we had so much fun while we ran together.  But this morning, you barely even acknowledged my presence.  At the office you haven’t spoken to me much at all unless it was work related.  And, if I didn’t know better, I would think you were even trying to avoid me.  Have I done something to make you upset?”  Harm looked truly worried and confused.

 

“No, it’s not you,” Mac said quietly as she pushed her food around the plate with her fork.

 

“So, you’re admitting that something *is* bothering you?”

 

Mac sat in silence for a few seconds and then she put down her fork.

 

“I have a date Friday night,” she said quietly, figuring that the direct approach was the best way to start.

 

Harm put his fork down as well.  “Webb?”

 

Mac nodded solemnly.

 

An uncomfortable silence hung between them, destroying any appetite either might have had left.  Harm felt as if his world was falling down around him.  The small flicker of hope that had been reignited last Friday was fading fast, soon to be extinguished again.  Maybe he had been a fool to believe that they ever had a chance.

 

“So, I guess that means he’ll be back from his latest assignment in time for the weekend,” Harm tried to keep his voice even.

 

Mac nodded again.

 

“Well, when he’s back, I’m assuming that you won’t be home quite as much.”

 

“Maybe,” Mac said softly with a hint of uncertainty.  She was a little surprised at how unsure her voice sounded.

 

Harm didn’t quite know what to think about her strange answer, so he decided to change course.  “I guess you told him about your living situation.”

 

“Yeah, I had to.  I had to tell him where to pick me up.”

 

“So what does he think about you living with me?”

 

“It doesn’t matter what he thinks.  It’s not his decision!” Mac said a little too strongly.

 

“No, I guess it’s not,” Harm thoughtfully agreed.  He wondered about her intense reaction to his question and filed her response away in the back of his mind.

 

-----

 

Thurs. Dec. 11   2045 EST

Local Gym

 

Sturgis and Harm walked into the locker room after an intense and rough game of basketball.

 

“Hey, man, you want to tell me what’s bothering you?”

 

“Nothing’s bothering me, Sturgis!” Harm said defensively.

 

“Cut the crap, Harm.  You can’t fool me.  You were trying to kill me out there tonight!  That wasn’t our usual friendly competition--that was all out war!  Now what is it that you are trying to take out on me?”

 

Harm didn’t say anything, not sure of how to explain his feelings, and not sure if he wanted to admit them at all.

 

“Are you and Mac not getting along?” Sturgis continued to press.

 

Harm slammed his locker door shut.  “Mac has a date tomorrow night,” he said with his jaw clenched.

 

A smile crept over Sturgis’s face.  “Oh, I understand now.  You’re jealous.”  Sturgis began to chuckle.

 

“I am not!” Harm said a little too forcefully.  “It’s just that I don’t like seeing her with Webb.  He’s just not right for her, you know?”

 

“Oh, I know, alright,” Sturgis said sarcastically.  “He’s not you!”  He was laughing now.

 

“Sturgis--”

 

“Harm, you can’t fool me.  I know you too well.  And I also know when I can’t argue with you, so I’m going to drop this…for now.  But if you want someone to drown your sorrows with tomorrow night, you know where to find me.”  Sturgis smiled, picked up his gym bag, and headed for the door.

 

-----

 

Fri. Dec. 12  1845 EST

Harm’s Apartment

North of Union Station

 

Harm tried to concentrate on what he was reading, but to no avail.  He had been staring at the same page since he sat down to read.  Mac was getting ready for her date with Webb and Harm could not think about anything else. 

 

“How do I look?”  Mac came down the stairs and interrupted Harm’s thoughts.  She was wearing a simple, yet flattering green dress that set off her perfect olive skin and clung to every curve.

 

[You look so good that I want you to send Webb away and stay here with me!] Harm thought to himself.

 

“You shouldn’t be asking *me* that question.”  Harm tried to avoid meeting her eyes.

 

“Why not?”  Mac cocked her head to the side.

 

“Because I’m not the one whose opinion you want to hear,” he said with just a hint of sadness as he focused on his magazine again.

 

Anything Mac was going to say was interrupted by the sound of someone at the door.  As she opened the door to a grinning Webb, Harm suddenly wished he were invisible.  He was so busy focusing on the magazine that he didn’t see Mac turn her head when Webb tried to kiss her.  His lips ended up on her cheek instead of their intended target.  Mac, embarrassed and uncomfortable, tried to usher them out the door quickly.  Webb, however, wasn’t in as much of a hurry to leave.

 

“Hello, Rabb.”

 

“Webb.”  Harm nodded and tried to be diplomatic as he spoke the other man’s name, but the bitterness in his eyes betrayed him.

 

“Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of her tonight and bring her back home...eventually,” Webb said with a slight smirk.  Harm only grunted in response, not trusting himself to open his mouth.

 

Webb put his arm around Mac’s waist and started out the door.  “Don’t wait up for us.”  He looked back and laughed just before closing the door.  Harm wanted to throw something at the door, but he didn’t want to give Webb the satisfaction of knowing how much this was tearing him apart.  He seriously considered taking Sturgis up on his offer, but decided that doing so would equate to admitting his jealousy, and that was the last thing he wanted to do.  He didn’t want to admit it to himself, and certainly not to anyone else.

 

-----

 

Fri. Dec. 12  2345 EST

Harm’s Apartment

North of Union Station

 

Harm lay in bed wide awake.  He had spent most of the evening trying to keep his mind off Mac.  But that was an impossible task.  Everything in his apartment reminded him of her.  Despite having only lived there for less than two weeks, she had already made her mark there.  She had taken him at his word when he had told her to make herself at home.  She had added just enough of a woman’s touch to his place to make herself comfortable.  And he had to admit that, surprisingly, he liked it.  He didn’t mind the flower arrangement on the table, the frilly robe draped over the chair, the perfume scent in the bathroom…except for now when he didn’t want to think about her.  Now he minded.  Because those thoughts would lead to thinking about her with Webb. 

 

Harm had wondered how late she would stay out with Webb and whether he should wait up for her.  He could still hear Webb’s snide comment and see the smirk on his face as they left for their date.  He decided he didn’t want to witness any kind of passionate goodnight kiss when they returned and that it really would be better if he were already asleep.  The evening was certainly awkward when it began and was sure to be even more awkward as it ended.  So he had given up and gone to bed, hoping to drift off to sleep quickly and escape his thoughts.  But he wasn’t so lucky.  He tossed and turned and watched the clock.  He silently cursed the day he decided on an open floor plan for his apartment.  He would give anything at this moment to have a solid wall and a door on his bedroom.  Then he could lock himself away in there and not have to worry about hearing or seeing anything when she came home.  Then his eyes flew open as it occurred to him that she might not come home that night at all.  That thought caused a huge knot to form in his stomach and he resumed tossing and turning.

 

-----

 

Chapter 6

 

Sat. Dec. 13  0515 EST

Harm’s Apartment

North of Union Station

 

Harm awoke suddenly and instantly knew that the apartment was too quiet.  He could tell that he was alone.  Even though he wasn’t looking into the living room, he knew she was not in there on the couch.  Despite their distance in the past, he had never lost his ability to sense her presence.  He lifted his head slightly to look at the clock and his heart sunk when he realized what time it was.  In frustration, he rolled over and punched the pillow next to him.  Then a voice inside his head told him that he didn’t have a right to be so upset.  He had no claim on her.  There was absolutely no reason she should not be involved with another man.  Then another voice in his head reminded him that she had told him “never”.  She had not given him any reason to keep trying.  Even after saying that she didn’t mean it when she said “never”, she had still gone out with another man.  She had been cryptic about her relationship with Webb, so he had hoped that she had gone out with him with the intention of breaking up.  But that obviously did not happen since she stayed out all night with him.  So what did she really mean?

 

Tired of the battle in his mind and convinced he couldn’t go back to sleep, he decided to get up and make something for breakfast.  Cooking was always therapeutic for him and maybe it would help him deal with the situation.

 

He was finishing up making pancakes when he heard a key in the lock.  As Mac quietly came through the door, he stayed focused on his task, not wanting to turn and look at her.

 

“Home so soon?”  He couldn’t help the sarcasm in his voice--it was his primary way of dealing with uncomfortable personal issues.  “I guess I can assume your date went pretty well.”

 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Mac muttered as she quickly headed up the steps into the bedroom.

 

That wasn’t the response he expected.  He turned around to look at her but she had already disappeared into the bedroom.  He couldn’t be sure, but it almost sounded as if she had been crying.  Ignoring her declaration, he followed her.  Mac was sitting on the bed staring at the wall.  Her face was slightly red and puffy and her makeup was streaked.

 

“What happened, Mac?”  Harm’s face was full of concern as he sat down next to her and gently touched her arm.  Mac pulled away and turned her face away from him.

 

“I said I didn’t want to talk about it,” she said stubbornly.

 

Seeing her like this was tearing him up inside.  “Well, can you at least tell me that you are okay?  You aren’t hurt or anything, are you?”  Harm’s eyes searched her to try to determine the cause of her tears.

 

“No…at least…not physically.”  Mac said slowly.

 

Harm breathed a small sigh of relief.  “Well, then.  Maybe you just need a good breakfast to make you feel better.  I just made pancakes, and I took the liberty of making enough for two, just in case.”  Harm tried to encourage her with food, something that normally would work on her.

 

“I’m not hungry.”

 

“Come on.  It would be a shame for them to go to waste.  Besides, *I’m* hungry, and I would like some company while I eat.  So, at least come sit in there with me.  And maybe when you see how good these pancakes are, you’ll change your mind.”  Harm flashed her his best flyboy grin in a last ditch effort to convince her.

 

When Mac saw his smile, she gave in and allowed him to lead her to the table and put a plate of pancakes in front of her.  “Just in case you decide you *do* want some after all,” he said as he sat down on the other side of the table.

 

They ate in silence, at least, Harm did.  Mac didn’t eat--she only played with her food.  After a few minutes she tasted a bite, then decided she was hungry after all and ended up finishing off all the pancakes on her plate.

 

“Well, your appetite is back, so you must be feeling a little better,” Harm said hopefully.

 

“Maybe a little,” Mac admitted softly.  “Thanks for breakfast.  I’m going to go relax on the couch.”

 

A few minutes later, Harm joined her in the living room.  He sat down next to her, but didn’t say anything, at first.  He didn’t want to push her.  She would talk about it when she was ready.  He knew if he pressed for details, she would just get defensive.

 

“Are you going to be okay?”  He figured that was a safe question.

 

“Yeah, eventually.”  Mac sighed.  “Everything had started out so nice,” she began slowly after a long pause, while looking at the floor.  “To be honest, I had been thinking about breaking it off with Clay,”

 

Harm’s eyes flew open at that revelation, but he continued to stay silent.

 

“Things just weren’t going anywhere with us.  He was always gone and I felt like neither one of us was getting anything out of the relationship.  But our dinner last night actually went very well.  We were able to carry on a pleasant conversation well after we actually finished eating.  So then I was confused.  At the beginning of the evening, I had thought I was sure of what I wanted to do.  But after dinner I wasn’t sure how I felt.  So when he asked me to go back to his apartment for coffee, I said yes.”

 

Mac paused and looked at the wall, then resumed her intense focus on the floor.  Harm just sat there, letting her speak at her own pace.

 

“We had been at his apartment for a little while when everything fell apart.  He told me that he would be going away on another assignment in a few days.  He couldn’t tell me where, how long, or if he even would be able to contact me.  Well, that was the last straw.  Suddenly everything was clear again.  That’s when I told him I couldn’t do it anymore.  I was sick of the roller coaster.” 

 

Mac turned her face toward Harm as she spoke the next part.  “We have a few really nice days together, and then he goes away and everything comes to a complete stop.  Every time he comes back it’s like we have to completely start over.”  Harm looked into her eyes and the despair he saw there broke his heart.  He moved closer to her and waited for her to continue.

 

“Well, he lost it when I told him it was over.  He said I was being unreasonable because I knew what he did for a living when we started dating.  He expected me to be more understanding and I told him that *he* should be more understanding of how I felt, instead of expecting me to just take it all in stride.  Then he accused me of cheating on him with you.”

 

“What?  We aren’t even sleeping in the same bed!”  Harm was incredulous.

 

“I tried to tell him that but he didn’t believe me.  I’ll spare you the details of everything he said, but he made me pretty angry.  When he realized how upset he had made me, he tried a different tactic that involved sweet-talking and kissing.  That’s when I realized that he had been drinking.  I had assumed he was drinking the same coffee I was, but I was wrong.  Suddenly, I really didn’t want to be there at all.  But he was too drunk by then so I couldn’t exactly ask him to drive me home.”

 

“Mac, you should have called me.  I would have come--”

 

“I know you would have.  But if you had shown up there to get me, he would have erupted in another jealous rage.  So I threatened to call a cab.  That’s when he started begging me to spend the night with him.  He said it would help me see things *his* way.”  Mac laughed sarcastically.  “As if sleeping with him would suddenly solve all of our problems.  And the last thing I wanted to do was take our relationship into the bedroom, and certainly not when he was drunk!  So I told him I would stay on one condition--that I sleep alone on the couch.  Reluctantly he agreed but he assured me that we would continue the discussion in the morning.”

 

“So…”  Harm was relieved at the prospect that she had only slept on his couch and not his bed, but his eyes begged for confirmation.

 

“So, no, I didn’t sleep with him if that is what you are wanting to know.”  Mac rolled her eyes before continuing.  “Anyway, I tossed and turned most of the night, and not because his couch is uncomfortable.  I had so much going on in my head that I couldn’t go to sleep.  Finally, at 0445 I couldn’t take it anymore and I called a cab.  I left him a note telling him that there was nothing left to talk about--my feelings had not and would not change.  And so here I am.”  Mac smiled weakly at Harm.

 

There was a knock on the door and Mac stiffened.  “That has to be him.  Who else would be at your door this early on a Saturday?”

 

“Stay here.  I’ll talk to him.”  Harm put his hand on her shoulder as he stood to go to the door.  He opened it only part of the way and stood blocking the doorway.

 

“Can I talk to her?”  Webb asked, not bothering to ask if she was there--he already knew that answer.

 

“She doesn’t want to talk to you,” Harm said defensively.

 

“Is that your opinion or hers?” Webb challenged.

 

Mac called out from the sofa.  “Clay, it never would have worked with us.  Face it.  It’s over!”  Harm stepped aside only slightly.  When Webb locked eyes with Mac she turned her head and looked out the window to demonstrate the finality of her words.

 

Webb’s shoulders slumped and he looked at Harm again, his eyes full of defeat and disappointment.

 

“Take good care of her, Rabb.”

 

“I plan to.”  Harm said sincerely as Webb turned to leave.

 

Harm closed the door behind him and walked back to the sofa.

 

“Are you okay?”  Concern filled his eyes.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine.  This was inevitable.  But I could use a hug.”  Mac half-heartedly smiled at him as he sat down and took her in his arms.  She took comfort in his strength and warmth.  Then exhaustion began to wash over her and she stifled a yawn.

 

“Mac, did you sleep at all last night?”  Harm pulled away slightly to look at her face.

 

“Not really,” Mac replied sheepishly.

 

“Why don’t you go lie down in the bedroom and get some rest.  You’ll feel much better if you do.”

 

“You’re probably right.  I could use some sleep.”  Mac unwrapped herself from his arms and stood up and stretched.  “And thanks for understanding.”  She smiled gratefully as she made her way to the bedroom.

 

-----

 

A few hours later, Mac emerged from the bedroom refreshed.  She sat down on a barstool and watched Harm as he made sandwiches.

 

“After we eat lunch, why don’t we go look at apartments?  I can’t stay here indefinitely,” Mac suggested as Harm handed her a sandwich.

 

“If you’re ready to look and that’s what you want to do, then sure, we’ll go.”  Harm took a bite of his sandwich and tried to ignore the gnawing feeling in the pit of his stomach.  He didn’t want her to move out.  He wished she *could* stay indefinitely, but that didn’t seem to be an option she was considering.  So he resigned himself that it was probably for the best and decided he would just enjoy her company for as long as it lasted.

 

They spent most of the afternoon apartment hunting, without much success.  Most of the apartments were either too small, too far away from JAG, or too expensive.

 

Mac sighed as she plopped down on the couch when they returned home.  “Well, *that* was a wasted afternoon!” she grumbled.

 

“No it wasn’t.  You were just weeding out all the bad ones.  It was only your first day looking.  I would have been surprised if you had found the perfect apartment right away.  Maybe you’ll find it next time.”  Harm flashed her a flyboy smile in an effort to encourage her.

 

“Thanks.  You always know how to make me feel better.”

 

“Of course I do.  That’s why we stopped at Beltway Burgers, isn’t it?  So go eat your dead animal so I can have my happy marine back!”

 

Mac took notice of his use of the word “my”, but didn’t call him on it because, secretly, she liked the sound of it.

 

-----

 

Sun. Dec. 14  0815 EST

Harm’s Apartment

North of Union Station

 

Harm unlocked the door and stepped inside his apartment, carrying his purchases to the kitchen counter.  They had decided that Sunday would be their day off from running, so he had gone out to buy a newspaper and pick up something for breakfast.

 

With his eyes fixed on the newspaper he was carrying, he wandered into the bedroom to tell Mac that he was home and breakfast was in the kitchen.  As he entered the bedroom, he looked up to see Mac coming out of the bathroom…in her UNDERWEAR!

 

They gasped simultaneously and Harm immediately averted his eyes and turned to leave the room.

 

“I...I’m sorry, Mac…I didn’t intend…I mean…” Harm struggled to voice his thoughts, but they were so jumbled up that he couldn’t do any better than random stammering.

 

Mac, who had quickly retreated into the bathroom and thrown on her clothes, saved him from his embarrassment.

 

“It’s okay, Harm.  I was the one not paying attention.  I know that we decided from the beginning to confine changing clothes to the bathroom in order to avoid embarrassing situations like this.  I guess I’m starting to feel at home here and so I just got careless.  I didn’t realize you were home already and without thinking I walked out into the bedroom.  You can turn around.  I’m decent now.”

 

A red-faced Harm slowly turned around to face her.  “Mac, I’m so sorry.  I feel bad invading your privacy like that.”

 

“Forget about it Harm.  You’ve seen me in a bikini more than once, so it’s not like you didn’t see anything you haven’t seen before.  This really isn’t all that different.”

 

“If you say so, but--”

 

“But I am *not* going to start parading around the apartment in my underwear, so don’t even think about it, flyboy!” Mac joked, hoping to ease the tension.

 

Harm feigned disappointment.  “Aww, why not?”

 

Mac’s eyes flashed.  “You know the reason.  Now please tell me there’s breakfast in the kitchen.”

 

“Of course there is.  I got you a greasy sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit.  Hopefully that makes up for what just happened.”  Harm flashed his best smile at her.

 

“You can always bribe me with food.  Come on, let’s eat.”

 

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