Title: Freedom's Price
Author: LobsterDoc
Rating: Teen

Category: missing scene, angst
Spoilers: Persian Gulf specifically, any other episode possible
Disclaimer: Characters are owned by DPB, Paramount. I am just having fun with them.
Summary: What was Harm doing while Mac was confronting Sadik?

AN:Takes place right after Mac leaves Harm's apartment on her way to meet Sadik. This is my first attempt at Harm's POV.

Thanks AeroGirl for the beta.
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His first instinct was to run out of the apartment and follow her on whatever suicidal scenario she was intent on seeing to the finish. He turned to grab his keys and rushed toward the door, barely avoiding a face-plant as the dizziness overtook him again. As he leaned against the wall, trying to regain his physical and emotional equilibrium, he realized with chagrin that she was right; he was a liability. In his condition he was of absolutely no use to her. He slammed his fist against the wall and staggered back toward the couch. What the hell! How was he supposed to just sit here while she took on Sadik by herself? His muscles fairly popped with tension and his stomach roiled. The terror that had engulfed him when she went to Paraguay with Webb returned full force and threatened to overwhelm him again. Only this time, he was powerless to help her. Powerlessness was a feeling Harmon Rabb Jr. had not experienced very often, and he didn't like it.

As he sat on the couch willing himself to calm down, he replayed their conversation in his head. What had she said when he asked if the CIA was on Sadik? 'They will be?'

"Oh God," he moaned, the sound echoing in his empty apartment. They were using her. Again. Why couldn't the spooks just leave the two of them alone? Kershaw had used Harm's feelings for Mac to point him at Sadik like a loaded weapon. There was no mistaking, in retrospect, that taking out Sadik had been Kershaw's goal all along. Saving Webb and Mac was just icing on the cake, an unexpected bonus. Nobody in Langley, if they had given the situation any thought at all, had really expected Webb or Mac to come back except in a body bag. And now, Kershaw had Mac. Somehow, she had been maneuvered into a face to face confrontation with a man who wanted to torture and kill her. Kershaw was using her sense of duty and loyalty to convince her that she had to meet Sadik on his own turf, to get information or set him up for capture. Mac was, Harm feared, absolutely expendable, caught between an agency who would willingly sacrifice her for "national security" and a terrorist who would gleefully play the executioner.

He had to find out what was going on and stop it, if possible, before the situation went from bad to worse.

The dizziness having passed for the moment, he stood and began to pace. How? How could he find out what was going on? Who would tell him anything? Webb? Out of town. Kershaw? Not likely to even pick up the phone for him. Blaisdell? Too far removed from the situation. He whirled toward the phone as the only person who could and would help him popped into his head. Catherine! She would know how to find out. She still owed him. He stumbled against the couch but kept his feet, reaching frantically for the phone. Heedless of the time of day, he hit the speed dial button programmed with Catherine's home phone. She picked up on the second ring, sounding rather frantic herself.

[Hello!]

"Catherine? Harm. I need a favor," he spat out without waiting for her to identify herself.

["I'm fine thanks. Nice to hear from you too,"] she answered tersely.

Harm took a deep breath trying to calm down. "Sorry. I didn't know where else to turn. I, ah, I need some information about an ongoing operation."

["Of course you do."] She sounded resigned and unhappy.

Harm hesitated, wondering if he had made a mistake calling her. But he really had no other choice so he took a deep breath and plunged in. "Mac is on a collision course with Fahd tonight. I need to know she's all right, that somebody has her back. I can't help her and I won't be able to live with myself if anything happens to her."

["I'm on leave, Harm. I don't have any information about ongoing operations,"] she answered, clearly exasperated.

"But you could call Kershaw. Get him to let me into the loop again. At least have him call me when it's over. Something. Please!" His voice rose in pitch as her continued to beg her for help, his desperation growing with every passing second.

["Harm, I'm not in the loop on this one."]

Harm jumped immediately on her slip of the tongue. "So there is something on?"

["Harm."]

"Please, Catherine –" he begged softly. He was at the end of his rope, desperate to find out anything about what was going on. He didn't want to play the fake wedding card to get her cooperation, but if he had to he would.

["I'll see what I can do. But I can't promise."] She broke off as a baby cried in the background.

"Thank you, Catherine. I owe you one. Dinner some –"

The baby cried again. ["I've got to go."]

And she was gone. As he hung up the phone and sank onto the couch, he realized belatedly that it had not even occurred to him to ask about the baby. He leaned his elbows on his knees and cradled his head in his hands. He hated this. Mac was in desperate need of his help and he couldn't help her. She had come to tell him, just like when she went to Paraguay, but this time he wouldn’t be able to do anything for her if she fell into Sadik's clutches. Panic began to take hold as he thought about how tonight could end. Sadik would never be taken without a fight. Somebody would probably end up injured or worse. Either Mac or Sadik would probably end up dead. The first one he couldn't even bear to contemplate. He had been telling Catherine the truth. Even though he and Mac were not even really friends at the moment, he could not survive if anything happened to her. The other? She had killed before, out of necessity, and so had he. It was never pretty, or easy. After everything that had happened this year, how could she survive another disaster? When was life going to cut her a break?

The ringing phone nearly gave him a heart attack. He snatched it up.

"Rabb."

[Kershaw. You do not have a need to know what is going on tonight. Lieutenant Colonel MacKenzie will call you as soon as she is available. Do not interfere in Agency business again.]

"Thanks," he started. But Kershaw had already hung up.

For the next two hours Harm alternated between sitting on the couch and roaming the apartment restlessly, like a caged animal. He put away the dinner dishes. He tried to play the guitar but gave up in disgust after a few chords. He flipped restlessly through the few channels he received over the antenna on his portable TV. He talked to Bud about a case, forcing a lightness in his tone that he didn't feel. He tried to read, but re-read the same paragraph ten times. He opened the door to head to Mattie and Jen's apartment three times and changed his mind all three times. He just didn't know what to do with himself. He hated waiting. He hated being powerless. He hated not knowing. He hated the way things were with him and Mac. There had been a time when she would have told him exactly what was going on. Waiting for the phone to ring was killing him. He thought about going to sleep, but he knew that sleep would be impossible. He was just getting ready to pour himself a drink when the phone rang. He dove for it.

"Rabb," he gasped, trying unsuccessfully to keep the anxiety from his voice.

"It's me. It's, it's over," she answered hesitantly.

"Are you ok?" he asked quietly, gently, afraid what might have happened to her.

"He took me to his apartment at gunpoint. He's dead, Harm. I killed him."

The hollowness of her voice confirmed his fears. He knew what she was going through, what this night had cost her. He chose his words cautiously, careful not to let her off the hook too easily or to make light of her experience. Instinctively, he knew she wasn't interested in recriminations or absolution from him. Soon enough she would be trapped by her own feelings, his would only complicate the situation. "I know, Mac. You did what you had to –"

She interrupted him tonelessly, "I put a bullet between his eyes."

He took a deep breath. "It was self defense, Mac. He held you hostage," he answered, the calmness in his voice never betraying his dismay or concern.

She sniffed softly but did not answer him. Her silence spoke more clearly than her words ever could. As dread permeated every cell in his body, Harm flashed to a vision of Charlie Lynch, the fire axe raised above his head. And to the little girl who would never have been free as long as Charlie Lynch lived. Harm had purchased Darlyn's freedom that day, but the price was a piece of himself, a loss he would never recoup. He had taken advantage of Agent Holland's assumptions of what had gone down in the bowels of the ship and had told no one what he had done. Oh yes, he knew just how much Mac had given up and soon so would she.

"Oh, Mac," he sighed, unable to keep the sorrow from his voice.

She sniffed again. "I, I have to go Harm. They want to debrief me. Bye," she rattled out and hung up before he had the chance to respond.

He stood with the phone to his ear for several seconds listening to the dial tone. He put the phone down and sank onto the couch.

"Damn," he swore softly as he realized that things were definitely much, much worse.