Title: A Little Faith (1/1)

Author: manette

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: They belong to TPTB

Spoilers: Four Percent Solution

A Little Faith

When I woke up alone in the hospital I tried not to panic. At first I couldn’t remember a thing about the accident that had put me there, but then it all started flooding back—the icy road, the relentless playing of that Christmas carol, the curve, that annoying, placating voice on the radio.

The tree.

My ribs only hurt when I tried to breathe, and my face felt like it had run into the flat side of a cast iron skillet. Other than that I was fine.

Well, that was a big fat lie. I wasn’t really fine—and I wanted Harm, damn it. I wanted him beside me, to hold my hand and tell me everything would be alright. Admitting that truth left me feeling naked and exposed, but I was all out of defenses. I wanted Harm—wanted him with a fierceness that caught in my throat and forced hot tears from the corners of my eyes.

I was too tired and too beat up to hide from it any more.

I closed my eyes and consoled myself by thinking I could call him in the morning. We’d made some vague plans to get together sometime over the holiday to exchange presents. I hadn’t wanted to be too pushy about anything else, assuming he would be with Mattie and Tom most of the time. But I would call him anyway, and unless he’d already gone to Blacksburg, he’d give me a ride home. That’s what best friends were for, after all. I’d gotten good at hiding behind the all encompassing friendship banner.

I tried to stay awake hoping a doctor or nurse would show up and let me know something about the state of my battered body, but I’d just drifted off when Harm came hurrying through the door.

“Hey,” I said with surprise. The sight of him tall and worried and hovering at the side of my bed caused a rush of emotion to fill my already bruised chest.

“What happened Mac?” His voice was gentle, but by contrast his eyes were dark and dangerous. He held his cover in front of him like a shield.

“I wasn’t paying attention. I took a curve too fast,” I admitted sheepishly.

“I’m sorry, Mac.” He sounded helpless and frustrated.

“How did you know?” I assumed it wasn’t because of my powerful wishing.

“You were repeating my name. One of the paramedics called. He looked in your PDA—got my number.”

I was embarrassed to hear I’d been doing that—and now his evening had been interrupted, but the doctor came in before I could respond. The news was good, miraculous in fact. My car had been totaled, but I’d survived—no broken bones, no internal injuries. I’d beaten the odds, it seemed. My swollen face would be a reminder for the next few days, and then I’d be good as new. With a smile and a “Merry Christmas,” the doctor was gone.

“That’s great,” Harm said in a hushed voice.

“It’s amazing.” I’d been incredibly lucky.

He sat his cover on the bedside table and glanced at the chair by the window. “I’m going to stay here tonight.”

I shifted up in the bed to get more comfortable. “Did you go to the wall yet?” Getting the phone call out of the blue had surely disrupted all his plans.

“I’ll go to the wall next year,” he said dismissively—like it was no big deal.

Of course I knew differently, and my eyes locked on his as he settled into the chair. My first instinct was to insist that he go—that I’d be fine, but I suddenly recognized the gift he’d just offered me, and there was no way I was going to treat it lightly by refusing to accept it. This time I was going to honor his gesture for what it was—his way of letting me know how much he cared.

Our eyes met and held, while I tried to put a smile on my big puffy face, letting him know how glad I was to have him with me.

The canned refrain of ‘Come all ye Faithful’ filled the room, and I wondered if the song was going to haunt me for the rest of my life. Faith. That commodity had been hard for me to find since Paraguay. But I’d managed. I’d put one foot in front of the other and gotten through the daily grind that had become my life. Hell, I’d survived Sadik and even Webb’s deception, but finding out I might never have children—Harm’s children—had been too much. I lost all faith in my own ability to judge what was true—and what was fair. I kept running headlong into my own doubts and fears, but no matter which way I turned the path always led me back to Harm.

He was faithful. He was steadfast. Somewhere along the line he’d decided he wanted another chance with me, and I’d been too scared to trust it. I had a right to be scared. Nine years of juggling our feelings had taken a toll. We weren’t the fresh, bright eyed kids who’d flirted like crazy in the early days. We had scars—deep scars that we’d carelessly inflicted on each other. We’d survived the onslaught, but I was tired of just surviving. He deserved more than that, and so did I. He deserved to know I loved him, so it was my turn to take a chance.

“I’ve been pushing you away,” I said without preamble.

“Yeah, you have.” He looked at me steadily.

“I’m sorry.” It seemed inadequate, but it was a start.

“It’s okay. You had to figure some things out. I understand.” He was doing that faithful, steadfast thing again, staking his claim on me with each and every word. He scooted forward on the chair and picked up my hand from the bed. “Look, Mac. Nothing’s changed. I’m still here. Let’s just enjoy the good news. Be happy. You’re alive.” He smiled as if everything was really just that simple.

Given our history I decided he might be right. We’d cheated death more often than most, and one thing was certain—as long as he was in this world he would have my heart. “You know what makes the news even better? We both are.” I squeezed his hand with no plans to let go.

He smiled and cradled my hand in both of his. “You mean we’re stuck with each other until death do us part?”

My eyes flew to his. “Is that a proposal or a warning that you plan to hire a hit man?”

He laughed, but then turned serious. “You know, Mac, if I propose it won’t be just because I want you to have my children.”

“I know. And if I accept it won’t be just about babies either.” I hesitated and reached out to touch his cheek. “With or without children—I love you, Harm.”

A tangled range of emotions played across his face—pain, relief, desire and most certainly love. When he smiled it was that old, cocky, arrogant flyboy grin that had been missing for way too long. “That’s good to know. I guess I won’t have to hire the hit man then.” He stood up and placed a soft, barely there kiss on my swollen mouth. It wasn’t enough, but I was in no shape for more. “You need to get some rest now.”

I yawned as he tucked the blankets around me—lingering longer than necessary, soothing me with his touch. Finally satisfied, he grabbed an extra blanket for himself, turned off the bedside lamp, pulled the chair closer to the bed, and then settled in for the night.

I didn’t want him to leave, but I felt obligated to make the suggestion. “You should go home, Harm. Your back is going to be killing you in the morning.”

He grabbed my hand and threaded his fingers between mine. “Not a chance, Mac. I’m finally where I want to be, and besides this way I’ll be here if you need me in the middle of the night.”

“Needing you in the middle of the night is nothing new.” I let my fingers trail across the palm of his hand in a seductive way.

“MacKenzie,” he warned. “If your face wasn’t all red and blotchy and twice its normal size—I’d crawl into that bed and make you pay for teasing me.”

I laughed and for the first time in over a year I felt utterly content. “You’re such a sweet talker, Harm.”

“It’s a gift,” he admitted with a smile.

I tucked his hand next to my chest and rolled onto my side so I could see him better in the dim light. I watched as his eyes closed and his breathing evened out. He squeezed my hand and murmured, “Love you, Mac.”

“Me, too,” I whispered back, but he was already asleep.

The room was dark and quiet, but the busy, bustling sounds of the hospital continued on outside my door. Someone dropped a bedpan, a drawer slammed, and somewhere down the hall a woman laughed too loud.

It was good to be alive.

The end