Trace it on my Skin

The elevator doors opened and I struggled into the hallway lugging several bags of groceries. It had been a long day. I’d been in court for most of the morning, and then the entire afternoon had been spent clearing up a ton of unfinished paperwork. My plan now was to cook some meals and take them to Harm’s place. He was spending so much time driving back and forth to Mattie’s hospital that I doubted if he was taking the time to eat properly. He’d been keeping me at arm’s length, but I had to do something to help, and this was all I could come up with.

I was almost to my apartment when I saw someone sitting in the hallway propped up against my door. It only took me a minute to realize that it was Harm, and my heart dropped to the floor. I immediately feared that something had happened to Mattie. As I got closer I could see that he was sound asleep. He looked exhausted—as if he’d made it this far and couldn’t go a step farther.

He had a key to my apartment, but I guess we were at a place where he didn’t feel comfortable letting himself in if I wasn’t home. That made me sad. I had thought we were growing closer until Mattie’s accident, but now I wasn’t sure what, if anything, he needed from me.

Setting the groceries down I knelt beside him. I touched his face and gently said his name. “Harm, wake up.”

He turned toward my touch, his lips grazing my palm, and then his eyes fluttered open. “Hey,” he said groggily.

“Hey, yourself,” I answered with a smile. “I didn’t expect to find you here.”

He scrubbed his hands across his face and said, “Sorry. I just thought I’d wait for you to show up. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

“You should have waited inside.” I stood and held out my hand. He took it and let me pull him to his feet. “Is Mattie okay?”

He kept my hand in his when he said, “She woke up, Mac.” His eyes were filled with real hope—something I hadn’t seen recently. “It will still be a while before they’ll have a full prognosis, but it’s a start.”

I couldn’t help myself. I hugged him. “Oh, Harm! That’s great! You must be so relieved.”

He didn’t say anything, but he hugged me in return. In fact, his arms tightened around me, and he buried his face on my shoulder. I held him and rubbed his back. Unexpectedly my eyes filled with tears. Just having him close made it possible to draw a deep breath for the first time since I’d returned from San Diego. Finally he pulled away and said, “Yeah, I am. Thanks, Mac.”

Not wanting to make him uncomfortable, I blinked and turned away, hiding my overly emotional reaction. I unlocked the door and started to gather up my grocery bags, but he stopped me. “Let me get those.”

“Thanks,” I said as he followed me inside.

He took everything into the kitchen while I set my briefcase and purse by the front door. By the time I made it to the kitchen he was unloading the bags. “Wow, Mac, you have enough food here for an army.”

I shrugged, feeling a little embarrassed. “I thought I’d make some meals you could freeze. You’re spending so much time on the road, and I know you don’t have time to worry about cooking anything.”

“All this is for me?” He turned around, clearly surprised. He must have seen the uncertainty on my face because he reached out and brushed the hair off my forehead, and then let his fingers trail down my cheek. “I know I’ve been pushing you away. I’m sorry.”

I fought the urge to lean into his touch. It was crazy but his casual gesture threw me off balance in a way that was inappropriate for this situation. He needed a friend now, not some reminder of the complicated ongoing saga of our relationship. But still the feel of his fingers on my face felt like a balm to my hungry heart. “Don’t worry about me, Harm. Just promise you’ll take care of yourself for Mattie’s sake.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He honored me with a glimpse of his famous smile.

I smiled back and nodding at all the food spread out on the counter asked, “Are you hungry?”

“As a matter of fact, I’m starving. That’s actually why I stopped by. I was dreading going home to my empty apartment, and I thought you might go with me to get something to eat.”

“We can do that, or I’ll be glad to fix something here. I can cook, or there’s sandwich stuff and soup.”

He picked up a couple of cans off the counter and held them up in the air. “Tuna sandwiches and tomato soup! How does that sound to you?”

I thought anything sounded good if he was going to stay and eat it with me. “I’ll boil some eggs.”

“I’ll chop the pickles,” he announced, looking more relaxed by the minute.

We worked side by side, falling into a rhythm that always seemed to come naturally when we were sharing tasks. Then we took our food into the living room and sat eating side by side on the couch. We didn’t talk about anything important, and when we finished I gathered the dishes and took them back to the kitchen leaving them in the sink for later.

When I returned to the living room he was still sitting on the sofa. His head had fallen back against the cushion and his eyes were closed. I sat down next to him and his head rolled in my direction. “I needed this. Thanks, Mac.”

“Anytime, Harm. I hope you know that.” I put my hand on his leg in what was meant to be a soothing gesture.

At my touch his eyes darkened, and he looked down and covered my hand with his, holding it against his thigh. My fingers curled feeling the hard muscles beneath the material of his jeans, and we both watched as he turned my hand over and started tracing the lines of my palm with his finger. I sucked in my breath at the contact. His fingertips grazed my skin with some combination of stardust and electricity. Need whirled inside me, and I couldn’t look away. He drew his finger up the inside of my arm, and in a ragged voice he begged, “I need—” before leaning down and kissing the inside of my elbow.

Afraid to break the spell I asked in something softer than a whisper, “What do you need?”

He raised his head and looked at me with storm tossed gray eyes. “I need for you to touch me.” He placed both my hands on his chest.

I knew what it cost him to ask. Keeping his walls firmly in place allowed him to get through the tough times. And as much as I’d wanted to offer comfort I hadn’t really been surprised when he’d kept his distance. But now he was here, asking, and it was all I’d ever hoped for.

With my heart split wide open and my hands shaking I undid the top button on his shirt. He watched as I spread the material apart and then kissed the skin of his chest as I unfastened each button. I opened his shirt completely and let out a sigh. “You’re beautiful.” I told him as he continued to watch me through hooded eyes.

I ran a hand across his collarbone and used my palms to make my way across his nipples and down his ribs. When I ran the back of my fingers across his stomach his breath hitched in his throat and he groaned. The groan was filled with such wanting that I couldn’t suppress a low moan of my own.

His breath was ragged as he pulled me half way across his body and placed his forehead against mine. With his lips just inches away, he murmured, “Oh god, yes, that’s the sound, Mac. I need to hear that you want me, too.”

I moaned again as I found myself pushed back until he was lying on top of me. My skirt was twisted up high on my thighs and the texture of his jean covered legs trapped me deliciously beneath him. His open shirt draped across us both as he leaned over me and propped himself up on his elbows. His eyes made dark promises as they locked with mine, and he used his fingertips again to study the contours of my face. His thumb rubbed across my lower lip, and I tried without success to catch it with my tongue. When I reached for him trying to pull him down for a kiss, he tucked his head into my shoulder and nuzzled my neck instead.

“Touch me, Harm,” I asked roughly. It was my turn to beg—a desperate request, and in answer he finally kissed me. His mouth found mine, and that thing I’d been reaching for my entire life—that thing that hovered always just out of sight was right there in my arms. It wasn’t the first kiss we’d shared, but with this kiss we completed our separate journeys—and found ourselves entwined at our final destination.

My name was on his lips as he unbuttoned my uniform. He pushed the material apart and again met my eyes as his hand drifted across the lace covering my breasts before resting on the bare skin of my stomach. He laid his forehead against mine once more. “Mac.”

I stroked his cheek and kissed his eyelids listening to him sigh as his body settled against mine. “Stay.” It was an invitation, a plea, an enticement.

His lips touched mine and his fingers traced a pattern on the curve of my back. “Forever, if you’ll let me.”

It sounded like love. It felt like everything I’d ever wanted.

The End