Life goes on 4/4

November 25th 2005

Harm was starting to regret his decision. She had been on edge ever since he had told her where they where going. But he had to go. As Harriet had pointed out he had been neglecting Sarah for a while now and he should fix it. He wanted to go. Just because he now had Emma in his life didn’t mean he had no need for his god daughter. Their bond had been instantaneous just like it had been with Em and in many ways Harm felt just as strongly about the both of them. So he’d go.

Thinking it might be good for Emma to make some friends her own age he decided to take her with him, with the added bonus of granting Mac some time to herself. Now, waiting for someone to open the door he was remembering the last time he’d brought Emma here.

He had Emma for the weekend, Mac was in New York working with Clay. It had been 18:40 when he had gotten a call from the secnav’s office telling him he needed to come in for an emergency meeting. Naturally Harm tried to get out of it. He couldn’t possibly take Emma with him. But he had been told in no uncertain terms that if he didn’t show up his naval career would be over. So he called Harriet.

He had done his best to prepare Emma, but the little girl had gone into hysterics when he had handed her to Harriet. It tore at his heart to leave her behind and he’d been crying all the way to the secnav’s office.

Harriet had tried everything to calm the little girl down, her own kids sat in shock as Emma started throwing things and screaming her lungs out. She wouldn’t let anyone get near her.

Unfortunately Harm’s meeting lasted and lasted. By 22:30 Harriet found Emma rolled up behind the sofa shivering. She was running a fever and she was close to hyper ventilating.

So she’d called Harm’s cell.

Even though it should have taken him about 30 minutes to get there it took Harm only 15 to drive up, jump from the car and run to the house. For days she had been distant with him and obstinate.

Needless to say Emma was apprehensive about coming today but he had convinced her it would be fun. At the moment she was clinging to his leg. She had been chanting of and on on the way over. “I don’t want to , I don’t want to.” And he could hear her softly continuing.

“Commander! You made it!” Bud exclaimed. “Sarah, look who’s here.”

Since Emma made walking virtually impossible Harm had picked her up so he could join the party in the living room. Sarah was bouncing with excitement calling for Harm to come join her in a game. He looked over at Emma who to his surprise addressed Sarah in a none friendly manner leaving no doubt as to who was in control(of harm), and back at Sarah who looked disappointed and walked away shoulders slouched.

Sarah was obviously hurt which ticked Harm off. He sat Emma down and told her where he’d be. When she had shown signs of an oncoming tantrum he had merely raised his finger warning her. Since her live had taken on some degree of normal-ness she had learned that Harm meant business and you didn’t push when he was mad. And he had looked mad.

Hesitantly she got up from the couch. She picked a safe spot behind it giving her enough of a view of the party. Jealousy overwhelmed her as she watched Sarah with Harm, playing and laughing. Other birthday guests stared at the little ‘thunder cloud’ making her feel even more alone and scared.

When Sarah ran up to ask her if she wanted to join the other little girls Emma gave her an angry push making Sarah fall and start whaling. Harm sighed and decided he’d ignore her behavior for now hoping she’d learn that she wouldn’t get his attention in such a negative way. When he had picked Sarah up to comfort her Em had fled from the room and all the staring disapproving strangers.

She wanted to get out of the house but was too scared to actually leave. The doorbell startled her and she froze as a boy ran past her to open it. To her relieve the person on the other side was not a stranger to her.

“Uncle A.J.” the little boy called out and she recognized him from her first visit.

He had been the only one to really distract her when she had been so upset the last time, but he was one of them, and she had decided not to like them. She looked at them from under her brows so they wouldn’t catch her off guard. She couldn’t help the corner of her mouth twitch as the Admiral grinned at her and said “ Colonel! It’s been a long time, good to see you.”

A.J. looked at Emma funny. “She’s not a colonel.”

“She surely is mr. Roberts. We met at JAG, didn’t we MARINE?”

Emma nodded shyly.

“So she’s a jarhead?!” A.J. grinned. “When I grow up I’m gonna be in the NAVY.”

Emma crossed her arms defiantly. “So?”

“So,” A.J. said as he took a step closer. “You know what MARINE stands for?”

No, no she didn’t, mommy never told her that. She swallowed, backed away a little and shook her head. A.J looked at her smugly. “It stands for My Ass__”

“Mr Roberts!”

“A.J.!”

A.J. froze on the spot. He knew that tone of voice from his mother and knew he was in trouble, but not only that, the Admiral had heard too and didn’t approve. He was deciding who he should be afraid of more when he heard someone giggling.

At first when the two adults yelled it had startled her as well. Her mouth was still forming an “oh” from hearing A.J. use that word but when she had seen the little boy’s expression she couldn’t help but laugh. And she was still giggling when Harriet escorted him away.

“Come on Miss Rabb, let’s join the party.”

***

Of course when they had gone back into the living room the Admiral had been greeting everyone, given Sarah a present and forgotten all about Emma. More family arrived and some of them bumped into Emma. Some of them asked her questions, others padded her hair or grabbed her arm mistaking her for the birthday girl. She felt the room closing in on her and when she couldn’t find Harm amidst the crowd her misery was complete. She once again fled the room looking for a safe spot.

She didn’t know Harm was already looking for her. In fact he was on his third round of the house, checking each room. ‘Mac will kill me.’ He thought. “Harriet have you seen Emma?”

Harriet led him to the den where all the coats and jackets where placed. There under the table was his little girl wrapped in his jacket her face wet with tears. She looked miserable and his heart ached for her once again. He also felt guilty for putting her in this situation and was beginning to agree with Mac about needing professional help for her.

“Uncle Harm! Come look what I got, come!” Sarah pulled on his arm.

“I’m sorry sweetie. We have to go now, I need to take Emma home.” Harm answered.

Sarah looked at the other little girl still under the table fresh tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Don’t you want to party with us?”

Harm knelled down and gathered his little girl in his arms. Her arms where already stretched out to beg for him to hold her. She nestled in her favorite spot against his neck.

He bend down again to give Sarah an awkward hug. “Enjoy your party Sar, love you.”

“Love you too uncle Harm.”

****

December 2005

“Sir, you forgot to put your name on the list for the party next Friday.”

“I didn’t forget, Harriet.” Harm sighed “I won’t be there.”

Harm had been grouchy the last couple of months and he never socialized with his colleagues any more. Colleagues… they where more than that, they where friends. He had already missed Thanksgiving at their house claiming he had to work on a case. Declined a Halloween party and trick or treating with Sarah and A.J. because he needed to do research, missed Captain Turner’s wetting down because he ‘didn’t feel up to it.’ Harriet was beginning to get worried. Harm had been doing so well. But then came the unexpected brake up with Rachel and ever since he had been withdrawing from everyone. The only sign that he did have contact with other people was that he sometimes babysat that little girl for an old friend of his.

“But sir, you_”

“Harriet please. I don’t want to go into it again. I don’t feel like it, I would ruin the party.”

It wasn’t so much that he’d ruin the party because he didn’t want to be with his friends, he’d just be in a rotten mood if he’d miss any time away from his family. He really had been very busy at work so now it was time to relax with his family. He’d promised to drive Mac and Emma up to his grandmother’s farm where they would meet up with Trish and Frank so they could celebrate the holidays together as a family for the first time.

Mac was just as excited as Emma was. He had promised Em to take her out sledding and Frank said he’d make a snowman with her. At first Harm wasn’t too pleased to hear his parents where going to be there the whole week, but then Mac pointed out that they could also have some time to themselves if Trish and Frank watched Emma for them. Naturally that appealed to Harm. Mac was now about 5 months pregnant, feeling pretty good for a change, so Harm was planning to take full advantage of the situation. Which would probably mean that they’d just snuggle up together in front of the fire place, but that was okay too.

Harm was dying to tell everyone that Mac was alive and that they where very happy together. He had to bite his tongue so he wouldn’t blurt out that he’d felt the baby kick for the first time! Or that he felt like an idiot during the Lamaze classes. He wanted to ask Harriet how she’d gotten A.J. to eat his veggies and Bud how not to put your foot in your mouth and get into a fight with a pregnant woman. But he couldn’t.

Webb was very clear on that. NOT YET. Clay wasn’t too pleased with the family outings as it were, so he’d relocated Mac and Emma out of the Washington area. Harm hated the fact that he’d have to commute, and not being able to bitch about it at work but it was a great house with lots of privacy yet not too far away from civilization. But, not yet meant not asking your friends to help you out with the floor boards or over for a house warming. Not yet meant having to lie to them when they invited you over for supper because they think you are lonely.

Not yet meant Harm had to choose between his ‘real’ family and his ‘JAG family’.

And so it would go on.

“Sir about easter….”

“What do you mean you can’t make Bud’s birthday?”

“Working again?”

“We missed you at the BBQ last Saturday.”

“Sir, you look awfully tired, I thought you were getting some rest…”

March 3 2006

16:45

Courtroom, JAG HQ

It had been a long day. Bud was eager to get this trial over and done with. Two long weeks in court, about a dozen witnesses. He was sitting second chair to Captain Rabb who had been more than a little preoccupied with something. In the courtroom he seemed focused but when they where putting the case together his mind was elsewhere.

Today was the one that counted the most. They needed this expert witness to counter act the ‘expert’ the prosecution had put on the stand. They felt science was on their side but the trick was to make the jury understand that science instead of making it sound like science fiction.

They had agreed that Bud would sit back and read the jury’s reaction so they could later on expound on any unclarities.

Bud was pleased to see that despite the late hour the jury members seemed to be focused on their witness. He was about to make the key point in the testimony when suddenly the doors of the courtroom burst open and Admiral Chegwidden came striding in.

Harm paused mid question and turned. The Admiral motioned to Harm who quickly obliged.

Bud couldn’t over hear what the Admiral was saying but what ever it was it had a profound effect on the Captain. His eyes wide with shock and something else Bud couldn’t quite place.

Eagerness, joy, panic…? “WHAT! Now?”

He could hear Harm stutter incoherently about having to leave but otherwise he didn’t get into action. A.J. turned towards the judge but before he spoke he realised that Harm hadn’t moved yet. “Mr. Rabb.” He warned.

The admiral’s voice startled him from his stupor. “Now?” He asked again. “I’m about to….I mean..she…”

“Yes, Captain.” The admiral interrupted before Harm could say too much. “Now go before you miss it.” he added gently.

Harmon Rabb didn’t even bother to grab his things as he ran from the room. The courtroom was completely quiet. Bud’s jaw was hanging on the desk and the admiral had to smooth things over with Admiral Morris.

“Hey honey!.” Harriet greeted from the kitchen.

“Hey.” Bud sighed before kissing her on the cheek. Seeing she was busy cooking he grabbed a knife and started cutting the vegetables. “You won’t believe the day I’ve had.”

“Why don’t you try me.”

“Mattoni has been dragging this thing out for as long as he could. As a result our highly technical expert witness took the stand at 16:30 after a full day of mind numbing irrelevant ‘facts’. Then just before the Captain was getting to the good part the Admiral bursts in and Harm suddenly has somewhere he has to go and runs out of the courtroom!”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, the Admiral told him something and told him to hurry.”

“O my gosh, you don’t think his mother is ill do you? I mean he said that after he spend some time with her last year they where getting closer again.”

“I don’t think so. The admiral didn’t look like he was delivering bad news….just …..urgent.”

Harriet grimaced. She knew all about the look on the Admiral’s face when he delivered bad news.

Bud thought back to this afternoon. “Harm mentioned a ‘she’.” He grinned as he recollected the incoherent Captain. “You know, it would have been funny if he hadn’t left me to finish the questioning after it’s momentum.” Harriet sportingly stroked his back. “He was like…’What? Now? I’m about to…..I mean …she….’ I’m serious Harriet he couldn’t form a complete sentence anymore.”

“That’s happened to you a couple of times.” Harriet smiled.

“Yeah sure, like when we where at that play at A.J.’s school and you mentioned during the last act that you where about to give birth. I didn’t know how I was gonna get you to the hospital fast enough.”

Early morning sun fell through the window and on Mac’s face. She stirred and grimaced at the soreness. But that was forgotten the moment she opened her eyes and looked into the eyes of the man she loved. He was sitting next to her on the hospital bed just looking at her.

“Go back to sleep Sarah.” He whispered.

She gave him a tired smile and noticed that he looked about ready to drop. “You could use some yourself.”

“I’m not leaving you.”

The determined look on his face told her not to argue. “Then lay down with me.”

And he did gently wrapping her in his arms, nuzzling her neck. “I love you so much.”

About an hour later the newest Rabb made her presence known.

“I guess she’s hungry. Harm could you hand her to me?”

“Sure.”

Harm slid off the bed and walked to the other side where the crib was. The moment he handed the tiny baby to Mac she began to quiet down seemingly focussing on her mommy’s voice.

He couldn’t stop looking at them, the amount of love he felt overwhelmed him.

Mac looked up at him after the baby settled to nurse and saw the raw emotion on his face, tears welling up in his eyes. She smiled at him and held out her hand for him. He took it and sat back down with her. Gently she squeezed his hand. “Let it go Harm.”

A soft knock on the door alerted them to a visitor some time later. A guard was outside Mac’s door making sure only ‘approved’ people would visit. Courtesy of Webb who felt the need to be extra careful in Washington especially in a place where computer records where being kept.

The door opened but they didn’t see any one enter the room till they lowered their gazes. Emma peeked around the door hesitantly. Clay came up behind her and gave her a little push towards the bed.

After their initial surprise at seeing Emma that apprehensive Mac smiled at her oldest daughter.

“Hi, sweetie, come and sit with me? I’ve missed you.”

At that Emma ran to the bed and using the chair next to it joined her mother on the bed. She immediately snuggled against Mac burying her face against her breast. Deciding that making her feel safe was more important than meeting her sister Mac just cuddled with her.

Meanwhile Clay walked up to Harm’s side of the bed to look at the baby. “So.” He said while smiling at the baby. “Another girl to wrap daddy around her little finger. You must be ecstatic.”

“I am. We’re very happy.”

“She doesn’t look anything like Emma.”

“She looks like Mac.”

“What’s her name?”

Mac’s eyes went moist as she answered. “Robin Faith Rabb.”

April 2006

break room

“Will you look at him.” Harriet whispered.

“I see him. He looks tired.” Sturgis whispered back.

“He’s been like that for over a month.”

“Well, he’s been pulling extra duty on the weekends.”

“Sturgis! You believe that?!”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because there are no records of these extra cases.”

“Maybe it’s classified, we shouldn’t meddle.”

“Oh, it’s classified all right.” Harriet huffed. “And you know who, is in on it.”

“The admiral?”

“Ahuh. I think he’s having personal problems. Last month he suddenly had to leave in the middle of a court session!”

“Hush.” Sturgis said under his breath. “I think he’s coming to.”

Harm had been waiting for the coffee maker to finish. His cup still in his hand his head bobbed a couple of times before he gave in to exhaustion and fell asleep. That was what Harriet and Sturgis had walked in on.

“Good morning Harm.”

“Morning Sturge.” Harm slurred.

“Are you alright Captain?” Harriet asked.

“Yeah, just tired. I was up all night with the b___ Beason file.”

Phew, that was a close one. 42, am I too old for this? If Robin didn’t start sleeping through the night soon he didn’t know what he’d do. Hell he’d settle for anything over two hours sleep during the night. He wondered if Mac got the chance to crash during the day time, she seemed to be handling it okay. Maybe she secretly had Clay come in and baby-sit while she slept the day away…

“Anything we can help you with Harm, I mean, you have been a bit run down lately.”

“Unfortunately, no. But thanks.” He stared into the faces of his two friends and he suddenly had a feeling he was being interrogated. “I gotta go.”

May 2006

JAG family day/ public park meadow

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” Harm asked for the ninth time.

“I’m sure Harm.” Emma sighed.

She had opted to call him Harm….most of the time. It made her feel like he was her best friend. When she was scared or tired she usually fell back on daddy, which was what Harm preferred. He cherished the times where he could put her to bed, read a story, tuck her in and kiss her goodnight. He already missed out on a lot of ‘dad stuff’…..moments , and all he wanted was to be her daddy. She sort of cheated him out of it by calling him Harm. Of course he knew it didn’t matter and he knew things were as they should be when she’d whispered sleepily; “I love you daddy.”

Harm regarded his daughter on the back seat. She looked apprehensive. After yet another trauma in a supermarket, this time with Mac, they had finally made the decision to seek professional help. That was in January. Getting Emma to open up had proved to be a challenge but the last month or so she had really seemed to be benefiting from it. Seeing her therapist, Claudia, equipped her with methods to control her anxiety, rationalizing if you will… Good thing too since she had to start school in September. But Harm was feeling a little protective. He didn’t want to stand by and see his little girl terrified yet again. So they’d gone over the battle strategy. Her do’s and don’ts and his. ‘This is where I’ll be. This is what you’ll do when you can’t find me. These are the people you can ask to help you.’ They had covered it all…nothing could go wrong…

…

As they approached Harm’s colleagues Emma tightened her grip on his hand but she kept walking. Harriet spotted them and called out.

“Captain! I’m so glad you could make it!. Hi Emma!”

Emma hid behind her father’s legs but whispered a shy .”Hi.”

“Look at you, you’re getting so big. You know, I think she might even be taller than Sarah.” Harriet switched from Emma to Harm when she sensed the little girl withdrawing even further.

“Well,” Harm said proudly. “In two months time she’ll be five.”

***

Harm sat on one of the benches by the picnic tables, Emma in his lap resting her face against his chest. She had once again refused an invitation from Sarah to come and play and didn’t show any inclination to leave her father’s arms.

Harriet was trying to find a drink for Sarah and A.J. in the cooler. “Harm you want something?”

“Sure, what’ve ya got?”

“Soda’s, juice, beer.” She held up a couple of cans.

“Diet?” Harm asked sweetly.

Harriet grinned. “One diet coming up.” And she tossed him the can.

“Thanks a lot.” He laughed as he put the can down.

“Emma? Would you like something to drink sweetie?”

Much to Harm’s, not to mention Harriet’s surprise Emma raised her head and looked at Harriet shyly before answering. “Yes, please.”

It was the beginning of a great day. After they finished their drinks Emma spotted little, though he wasn’t little to her, A.J. and another girl playing with water balloons.

“Why don’t you go play with them.” Harm suggested.

When he saw that she was unsure and a little nervous he offered to go with her. Which was what she needed. Though both kids where a little older then Em they where glad to let her join. As Harm stood back to watch them play, Harriet joined him. She studied the Captain’s face with wonder. Harm was completely oblivious to her scrutiny he was engrossed by Emma’s laughter and squeals. He didn’t hear them often enough and certainly not outside the safety of her home. A.J. being the eldest of the three had the upper hand and foolishly thought that Emma would be an easy target. It took him quite some time but he got her in the end. Running next to her and giving her a little push made her lose her balance and fall on the grass.

Harriet saw the rage in Harm’s eyes and held him back as he stepped to intervene.

“Don’t worry Harm, she’s alright. A.J. likes her, he wouldn’t hurt her on purpose.”

Harm’s concerned face shot back to the kids. Just as he looked over A.J. crushed the balloon in her face.

Alarmed and maybe even outraged he turned back to Harriet and Bud who had joined them.

“Did you see that!? That didn’t look accidental to me!”

Harm started towards his little girl who lay sputtering in the grass, completely soaked.

“I wouldn’t get too mad at him sir. For A.J. that’s practically an admission of love.” Bud quipped as he motioned towards his son. Harm halted…for the moment.

A.J. had been startled by his own actions, or more by the result. He had tripped Emma making her fall and then he had almost drowned her. Concern showed on his face as he helped her up.

Brushing the wet hairs from her face. “I’m sorry, are you okay?”

Emma felt like crying, the fall really did hurt, but she had a feeling she’d get A.J. in trouble if she’d told on him. Allas for A.J. her compassion only went so far…No matter how nice that little shower had been revenge was sweet. She narrowed her eyes earning a startled look from A.J. “I’ll get you for that…SQUID!” She hissed.

Now it was Harriet’s turn to look worried but Harm turned to her and grinned. “She’s not really angry at him.” He could see it in her eyes, it wasn’t unlike some of the MARINE vs NAVY wars they held at their house. Of course these days it was mostly Harm and Emma since Mac had the baby the think of. When Harm had first found out about the baby Mac would win any ‘fight’ , she always played the baby card. ‘Harm careful, the baby…’ He snorted at the memory. The word ‘sucker’ came to mind. Anyway, the look Emma just gave A.J. was the same look Mac gave him when he would challenge or accidentally insult her or the MARINE corps in general.

“Hand me the ammo Emily, I’m gonna get him.” She called to Emily Mattoni who gladly obliged and the pursuit began.

“They’re ganging up on him.” Harriet almost sobbed.

“Geez Harriet get a grip, you’re not pregnant are you?” Bud snapped, slightly peeved by the image of his son being pinned by a girl, decidedly younger than himself.

Pleased that Emma was having a good time Harm relaxed again and decided to catch up with his friends. He knew Mattoni had a daughter but that she was about the same age as Emma surprised him. He had really been out of touch with people he saw almost every day. It seemed all he did at JAG was work. Any spare time he spent with his family. He didn’t regret spending all his time with Mac and Emma and now that they had Robin he felt even that wasn’t enough. The thing was, he wouldn’t mind spending time with his friends AND being with his girls. In fact he wanted to show them off a little… but as long as Webb didn’t tie up loose ends it was a 'no no'.

As the day drew to an end Harm decided to find a bathroom before heading home. Emma was playing hide and seek with a whole bunch of kids.

As she was crouching behind some bushes someone snuck up on her. She was so focused on the seeker that she never saw it coming. “BOOH!”

It startled her so much that she shot upright. A.J. grabbed her arms so he wouldn’t lose his balance. Of course that only scared her more. And she struggled from his grasp without looking, without thinking, her breathing came in short loud gasps. She stumbled back onto the field immediately searching for Harm. She turned quickly in search of him. “HARM!” she managed to yell. She tried, she really tried not to panic, but where was he? He said he’d be there, where was he?

A.J. caught up with her and led her towards the picnic tables. She still didn’t see him and now she was truly scared. She tried to call out but couldn’t with her short breaths.

Harriet saw A.J.’s face before Emma’s and knew something was wrong. The worried blue eyes spoke volumes.

“What’s wrong Emma?” She asked as she tried to wipe away the tears.

“I..I..” her son’s lower lip quivered as he spoke. “I think I scared her.”

“It’s okay A.J. she’ll be okay.” Harriet soothed. “Emma?” she reached for the little girl again but she just stepped back again. Several people came closer to see if Harriet needed anything and she could see the panic in the blue-green eyes. Between her gasps she managed to sob;

”I…. want … daddy..” It was heart breaking.

Harriet tried to shoo people away and calm Emma down at the same time. Neither with much luck, though Harriet’s presence gave Emma something to focus on instead of freaking out more.

As Harm walked the path back he saw a cluster of people near the tables and knew something wasn’t right. He ran towards the small crowd and halted when he saw Emma in the middle all alone, Harriet a few feet away on her knees. Emma turned he face to Harm. “Daddy..”she croaked as she held her arms out to him.

“Aw,geez, Em.” He enveloped her in his embrace softly swaying back and forth to sooth her.

She put her head on his shoulder and just went limp. He could feel her short gasps against his neck. “Harriet, hand me one of those bags.”

Ten minutes later things had settled down. Bud had convinced everyone there wasn’t anything to see and Emma was regrouping on Harm’s lap while eating an ice cream.

“She looks tired.” Harriet observed.

“Yeah, it usually takes some time, she’ll be wiped out tomorrow too.” He said as he stared at nothing in particular. He placed a small kiss on her temple.

“She said she wanted her daddy….” Harriet knew he’d understand the question behind the statement and she was almost positive of the answer. Today she had gotten a good view of the little one’s eyes and if that left any doubt, seeing her smile and laugh had erased that. But Harriet knew better than to assume, well..in this instant. “Are you…?”

“Yeah.” Harm sighed. He looked as worn out as his daughter but Harriet clearly saw pride in his eyes as he answered.

Harriet contemplated asking about her mother, doing a quick count she ended back at Renee, so she chose not to ask at the moment. She turned back to Harm and smiled. “Congratulations Harm.”

Harm was surprised by that. No one had ever told him that before in regard to Em.. Even a couple of weeks before when Robin was born were congratulations scares... .He’d had no opportunity to play the proud territorial dad…so he turned and grinned at Harriet. “Thanks.”

And she understood.

September 2nd 2006

Rabb residence, undisclosed location

“Hey, you’re home early.” Mac smiled when Harm walked in.

She was lying on the couch on her side, a pillow propped under her head and a baby nursing at her breast. Harm sat down next to her so he could kiss her. She smiled tiredly and closed her eyes while Robin continued to drink. Harm brushed away some hairs from her face and then did the same for Robin who had an surprising amount of dark locks. He was still at awe every time he looked at his daughter. So perfect. Ten little fingers, ten little toes, sweet smile, cute nose and two big brown eyes. How he wished he could stay and watch them all night.

“I can’t stay.” He said softly while leaning in to kiss the woman who gave life to his perfect angel who had fallen asleep.

“Why?” She opened her eyes to look at him.

“I.” He said as he softly rubbed Robin’s cheek just next to her mouth. “Have a date.” He gave Mac a satisfied smile as Robin started to suck again. “Works every time.”

“A date? With who?” Mac questioned. She felt secure enough of her relationship with Harm to not jump to conclusions any more, but a date?

“Sandra Gunderson, child psychologist.” He sighed.

“I thought we where happy with the therapist we have?”

“I am, Em is.” He smiled but he was a little bit annoyed. “It’s a blind date. Harriet set me up.”

Mac had to control her laughter so she wouldn’t disturb Robin. “Harriet still thinks you’re lonely?”

“It’s not funny.”

“Yes it is.”

“What am I going to do?”

“What are you going to do?”

“Well, I’m going. But how do I make her see from the beginning that I am not interested without hurting her feelings?”

“Why don’t you stay home with me? I’m interesting.” She smiled sweetly.

“Oh I wish I could. I tried to get out of it, but the Admiral didn’t back me up this time. And Harriet was really persistent! She is convinced that I’m still mourning you. She..she was almost in tears over how I should let go and start living again.”

“It must be hard not being able to tell the truth.”

“You’re damn right it is. And just when I got out without bending the truth too much the Admiral joins in. Apparently Sturgis voiced his concerns about my mental well being to my CO. He says, and I think that’s what prompted Harriet to plan this date, that I am dreaming about you when we are on assignment and that my head isn’t on the case.”

“Not that I don’t want you to think about me when you are away, but is your work suffering?”

“No!” He said with a undignified look. He didn’t want her to know that he had been worried and that he had had nightmares about Mac getting found out. But he was focused on the case when he was working. “In fact the only reason I am going to have dinner with this woman is because of our case.” The look on her face told him she wanted him to explain.

“Her specialty ties in with our case. If she agrees to look at Chief Miller’s kids maybe she can be our expert witness.” He said hopeful. He took Robin from Mac when she was finished.

Mac sat up and buttoned her shirt. Folding her knees under her while she scooted closer to Harm. She rested her head on his shoulder.

“Then why do they think you are still not over me?”

“Apparently I talked in my sleep.”

She looked up at him. “Do you dream about me?” she smiled.

Harm returned with a grin “All the time.” He kissed her. “I’ll tell you all about them when I get back from my date.”

“I’ll wait up for you.” She gave him a saucy smile as she took Robin and started for the door. When she threw him another teasing look he groaned.

“I don’t wanna go.” He rubbed his hand over his face “I’m gonna kill Harriet.”

***

January 8th 2007

“Ehm, Mac?”

“Did you have anything planned for this weekend?”

Sarah raised an eyebrow and studied his face.

“Oh yes, I entered our names for this weeks ‘Good morning Saturday’ show. They have an segment on people in witness protection programs, I thought that would be fun.” She answered sarcastically.

Clay had warned them not to take any chances. He had riled things up a bit with the people who wanted Mac dead. The plan was to flush them out. Clay said the organisation was already broken up and it would be a matter of weeks before he’d wrap things up. In the meantime things where tense in the Rabb household.

“We, can’t go out even if I wanted to, and I don’t. Robin’s been fuzzy and I think I caught that bug that Em brought home from school last week.”

Great, she was cranky. It was always difficult to tell how to proceed when she was like this.

“Do you need me to stay home this weekend and help out?”

“Need? Why? Do you have something better to do than being with us?”

“No, I just…look if you want me to be here, I’ll be here.” Harm was irritated by her harsh attitude.

“Go where ever you want to go Harm!” Why did she say that?

“Fine I will! I’ve been dying to get out of the house on my days off anyway!” He yelled at her.

“Well, don’t let me keep you any longer!” Did he feel trapped by her, by them?

“Thank you very much, I think I’ll go right now!” No! What the hell am I doing? Don’t walk out on her, you promised you’d never walk out on her.

“Go ahead. Don’t let the door hit your six on the way out!” He’s really going? No. Please.

Harm stomped to the door and grabbed the knob. He turned back hoping she’d say something or do something that would make him stay.

She just stood there frozen in shock her brown eyes glazed over with tears.

Harm opened the door and walked out. Mac remained there for a minute before stumbling backwards and dropping on the couch. “What just happened?” She said out loud. ‘They had a fight, but what was it about?’ “Nothing.” She croaked. “I didn’t even give him a chance to tell me what he was doing.” ‘He had a right to do things outside of the house. He didn’t NEED to spend all his free time with them. Had she somehow given him that impression? Was she that needy? Why did she respond so strongly? Why did this fight seem so much worse than it actually was?’

Before she could answer her own questions the door swung open and Harm burst in, that eager look on his face.

“Okay, let’s start over.” He sat down next to her and took a deep breath.

“How was your day?” He said calmly.

She tried to smile but her lower lip trembled and she couldn’t hold back the tears. Harm pulled her to him and let her cry. She clung to him afraid he would get up and leave again.

“Oh my God this is ridiculous.” She sniffed. “Why were we fighting?”

Harm smiled into her hair. “I don’t know, I just reacted. I’m sorry.”

“No, I am.” She sat up straight. “Was there anything you wanted to do this weekend?”

“Well, I thought I’d stay in town this weekend if it was all right with you.”

She bit her lower lip, dying to ask the reason for this separation.

“Contrary to how it might seem, you don’t need my approval. You must be going crazy being cooped up with us for so long.” She said empathically.

“Sarah, I want to be with you and with our kids. I just couldn’t come up with another excuse.”

“An excuse to spend the weekend by yourself?”

“No. Michael Roberts will have surgery this Friday so Bud and Harriet asked me to take the kids for the weekend so they could spend the night with him at the hospital.”

“Is it serious? I mean they don’t usually let visitors stay during the night.”

“He’s having eye surgery. If he wakes up during the night and can’t see, well he might get scared.”

Mac frowned. “Okay, I guess that would be a little disconcerting but geez, he’s an adult.”

Harm laughed when he realized the misunderstanding.

“Not Mikey, Michael. He’s Bud and Harriet’s third child.”

“Oh! I see.” Her look of amazement faded as she realized something else. “Poor kid! He’s gonna be so scared.” She burst out crying again earning an incredulous look from Harm. ”Tell them yes! He’s gonna need his mommy.” She sobbed.

“Mac” Harm looked at her worriedly. “Are you all right?”

She waved with her hand which Harm thought to understand as an ‘I’m fine’ sign.

Not knowing what else to do he pulled her onto his lap and let her cry against his shoulder.

“I can’t believe they have three kids. I don’t even know their names.” She started sobbing again. “Damn, I’ve missed so much.”

“I know, we haven’t really talked about that, have we?”

“No,” She sniffed. “Why is that?”

“Eh, I thought you didn’t want to. I thought it was too painful.”

She softly slapped his arm. “Oh Harm , I am a MARINE_” She stopped and then started to laugh and look into his eyes. “Some MARINE I am.” She laughed and Harm grinned back.

“Are you okay?” He asked again.

“Yeah.” She sighed. “Tell me about Bud and Harriet. What have they been up to?”

“In a nut shell, because I want to take you to bed.” He wiggled his eye brows.

“Hmm.” She smiled at the possibilities.

Harm sobered a little. “You want the good or the not so good news?”

“Are they okay?”

“Yeah, they’re doing fine.”

“Then the good news. You can tell me the bad tomorrow.” She settled against him.

“Okay, After you ‘left’ Harriet gave birth to a baby girl who they named Sarah because of you.”

She really tried not to cry, but she couldn’t help it. The fact that she had missed that moment of her friend’s lives and that they’d named her after her. “You never told me her name was Sarah. You took Emma to her birthday party last year?”

Harm nodded. “Sarah turned 6 last November. Then they had Michael who is two.” He smiled. “Michael is Bud all over again. Oh, and Bud made Lt. Commander against all odds.!” Harm said proudly.

“I can’t wait to see them again. And at the same time I dread it. What if they’re angry? I caused so much pain.”

“I think they will be shocked, but the joy of that void in our lives being filled again will out weigh the anger. They loved you too you know."

“Harm stop it you’re making me cry again.”

“Mac?” Harm asked as he brushed away the tears from her cheeks. “Is there a chance that you might be…pregnant?”

“You should know about that, shouldn’t you.” She smiled shyly. “I don’t know, I DO remember a rather steamy new year’s eve.”

“You want me to go out and get one of those test things?” He grinned all excited.

“No need, I have one.” Mac smiled sweetly at him as she got of his lap. “In fact I bought two last month.” Harm’s jaw dropped.

“We weren’t planning this, or at least I wasn’t.”

“We weren’t exactly doing anything to prevent it either now where we?” she grinned seductively. “Give me a minute.”

Sarah was pacing the room. Who knew a minute could take that long?

Harm grinned from ear to ear just from looking at her. “You really want this don’t you?” He asked warmly.

“Yeah.” Sarah whispered. “I mean things are looking up. Soon we’ll be able to have normal life, Emma is doing great, I’m not getting any younger…yeah I want this.”

“Let’s see if you get your wish.”

“You look first. I’m too nervous.” She was standing behind Harm so that he was blocking her view. She was holding on to his arms and her head rested against his back. Harm let out a long sigh. “What does that mean Harm? Is that a happy sigh or a better luck next time sigh?”

Harm turned around slowly trying his darndest to keep a straight face.

“That was a ‘Sarah will be so happy’ ‘I’m gonna be a dad again’ sigh.”

He broke out in a proud grin. Sarah through her arms around his neck and kissed him long and hard. Harm laughed at her tears. “I thought you’d be happy.”

“I am very happy. You make me very happy.” She cried. “Now, take me to bed before Robin wakes up hungry again.”

“Yes, ma’m.”

****

May 27th 2007

06:50

Rabb residence

The morning sun came through the curtains bathing the room in a soft creamy colour.

Mac had just woken up. Harm was laying on his side, his head propped on a pillow.

“Good morning.” She smiled.

Harm returned the smile but didn’t say anything. He reached out his right hand and trailed his fingers up and down her bare arm, from her shoulder to her hand.

Mac scooted closer and lay down on her side facing him. She let her eyes wander up and down his body, wanting to take in as much as possible and never forget. A content sigh escaped her when he let his fingers run through her hair and over her jaw. It was his turn to move closer till they where almost pressed against each other.

The lay there, simply enjoying the moment, occasionally brushing their lips against the other’s. As their kisses became more frequent and their fingers entwined Harm closed the remaining distance between them. Her round belly pressed against him already, making it harder to achieve full contact in other places. Mac smiled at his soft frustrated groan. The tips of their noses touched as they continued to gaze at each other.

“Hey.” Mac said suddenly as she broke eye contact.

Harm grinned at her. “I felt that.” He beamed and then looked down at her belly.

“Hello baby.” His hands gently caressed the roundness of her abdomen. “I’ll miss you too, you know.”

Mac lifted his face with a finger. “I promise I’ll take good care of her.”

Harm frowned and sighed. “But who will take care of you?”

“Clay will.” She said softly as she kissed him gently on the lips.

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” He questioned though he returned the kiss.

“Hummm, I see your point.” She pressed against him as much as she could. “Why don’t we find out what will make you feel better.”

“Mommy can I lay down with you guys?”

“Or maybe not.” Mac whispered to Harm. “Sure honey, crawl in.”

Harm held out his hand for Emma. But she shook her head.

“No, I don’t want to lay down with you.”

“Why not?” He didn’t quite keep the hurt from his voice though he already knew the answer.

“Because mommy is leaving and I’ll miss hugging her” She explained as she nestled herself against Mac’s back.” I can snuggle with you tonight, if you don’t want to be alone.”

“That’s sweet of you Em, I’m sure daddy ‘ll feel very lonely.”

The three of them quietly laid there enjoying their last moments together. Mac was leaving. Webb had finally arranged an operation to bring down the people who where after her. Only he needed her help.

Seven years ago she’d seen some of the men involved and now she needed to identify them. Also, as they already knew Mac was alive Clay wanted to use Mac to draw them out. Mac had chosen not to tell Harm about the last part of the plan. Clay had told her that she would be hypothetical bait, not the actual bait. She wouldn’t get anywhere near them so why worry Harm even more than he already was.

She was leaving in a couple of hours and they had no idea when they would see each other again. It brought up many of the same feelings of seven years ago when Clay had taken her to her new life, no hope of ever seeing her friends or Harm again. Suddenly Mac felt tears come up.

“I want Robin.”

She didn’t need to ask. Harm pulled away and walked out of the bedroom only to return with their 15 month old daughter. He nestled Robin against Mac just above her other baby. The desperate look in her eyes as he handed her the baby and she started to cuddle undid him.

With tears in is eyes he crawled back under the covers and hugged Mac as close as he could. As he rested his head against her’s he saw she was crying too. Drawing as much comfort from each other as they could they spend an hour together in bed, hugging and kissing away each other’s tears, all too soon it was time for Mac to get ready for her departure.

***

Trish and Frank came over to help Harm with the kids while Mac was away. At first Harm managed by just telling himself it was just another case she was working on like she had done so many times in the past but as the weeks went by he became more nervous. One day he woke up and just knew something was wrong.

Despite his foreboding feeling he went to work as usual. Nobody knew what was going on but they all knew something was wrong. Though Harm had been tight lipped about his private live they could all tell when he was going through a rough period and this definitely fell into that category.

“Sir? The Admiral would like to see you ASAP.”

“I’ll be right there PO.”

As he made his way to the Admiral’s office he hoped he wasn’t going to be send out of town. It was hard enough for the kids without Mac there, but if he’d be gone too… Emma had been really quiet since Mac left and Robin couldn’t get used to someone else feeding her. Thank god Mac had thought about training her on a bottle the last couple of months. They managed fruit and veggies but baby formula didn’t sit well with Robin.

“You wanted to see me sir?”

“Take a seat Captain.” The Secnav made his presence known. “Let me get straight to the point, I want you to investigate a CIA mission gone bad, involving an undercover former MARINE Lt. Colonel.”

Harm felt the blood drain from his face.

“It appears they were working on an old case involving espionage, it concerned NAVY defence secrets. I believe the case was originally handled by one of your officers A.J., Colonel Mackenzie I believe.”

At the mention of her name the Admiral turned to Harm. Harm sat straight as a board, his white face remained emotionless but A.J. could see the turmoil in his eyes he was close to losing control.

“Anyway, after having brought down most of the organization they lost her. Everybo