Life goes on 3

When he woke up it was still dark outside, but the moonlight shone through the window and bathed her naked body in soft light. He simply looked at her. The last four years had definitely taken its toll on her, but to him she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever laid eyes on. He trailed his fingers from her shoulder down her arm and back. He softly placed a kiss on the bone that kind of stood out there. She snuggled closer to him. He closed his eyes for a second, trying to handle all of the feelings she evoked in him. Carefully he let his hand brush down her back. In response she arched her back and he could feel her hardened nipples press against him. As his hand made his way back up he lingered at her ribs, his fingers trailing each one that stuck out. The realisation that she wasn’t well pained him.

“What’s wrong” she whispered just loud enough for him to hear it. His ministrations had woken her, she’d been studying his face when his expression changed. A sad frown had formed and he’d pressed his lips together as if trying to keep from crying.

He looked down into her worried eyes. “Skin and bones” he whispered.

“We’ve had a rough year”

“Are you okay?”

“I am now” she tried to smile.

Harm ran his fingers trough her hair all the while gazing into her eyes. “You’re hair has gotten so long.”

He hesitated while he kissed her temple. She looked up at him curiously. As she saw him smile and shake his head she asked,

“Now what?”

“Wrong colour.”

She raised her eyebrows, it had been Clay’s idea. “I can dye it back.” She offered.

He returned her smile. “Please.”

After a couple of minutes of simply holding each other she spoke again. “If it hadn’t been for Emma, I wouldn’t have made it.”

Harm sighed. It had been hard on him to move on, almost impossible, but he had had his friends and his work, she had been alone and on the run. Clay said he had to move them around quite a bit, so she was still running for her life. No wonder Emma reacted so strongly to strangers, it also explained her panic attacks. Again his heart ached. “I wish I could have been there for you.” ‘Both of you’ he added to himself. He couldn’t admit to her that he wished Emma was his, that he was jealous beyond belief that she was Clay’s. ‘Oh my god, Clay! Webb had referred to her as his wife! Were they…? He had to know…did she fall in love with Clay?

“Mac,……About you and Clay.”

She froze. “How’d you know?”

“He told me.” Harm replied a bit confused. ‘how else would he have known?’

“I can’t believe he t__ Harm, I’m sorry, I was lonely. For the last four and a half years, he’s always been there for me, he was the only one I could trust. It was only the one time.” She pleaded with him for his understanding.

“So, you’re not married?” He was going to kill Webb! He’d worked with him several times over the years, never once had he mentioned Mac.

“Of course not! How could you think…”

She stopped as she saw his dark expression. Raising his chin with her fingers she continued in a more calm tone

“Harm,….If Webb and I were married,..why..WHY would he bring you to me? He isn’t that stupid, he knows that we’d make love.” She smiled as realization hit him.

“Of course not.” Harm grinned as he thought back to the night before. “I don’t even remember him leaving, once I saw you, I forgot about him..”

“Do you blame him? Do you blame me?” She asked as she stared at his chest.

“Yes. No.” He tried to put his feelings into words. “Yes I blame him, because he took you away from me and then made a move on you when you were vulnerable.” She tried to interrupt him but he silenced her with his fingers. “I don’t blame you, I understand, and if he hadn’t been there for you..you wouldn’t have had Emma. I’m just jealous, she’s great, I wish…I wish_”

“That she was yours?!” She exclaimed as she sat up. Her face showed pure astonishment. “O my god Rabb! How daft can you get! I know you had to be pretty good at math to get into flight school! Calculate!” She slapped him on the arm in her frustration. “Clay isn’t Emma’s dad!”

Harm was a bit shaken by her sudden outburst and was trying to process the information as quick as he could. Webb was not Emma’s dad and he needed to counts months in order to find out who was. A little voice in his head was yelling’ It’s you you idiot!” But he was too afraid to believe.

Seeing the wheels in his head turn, even though he was slow, she sighed and decided to help out. “Emma will turn four July the fourth. ‘Good heavens, is he blind AND stupid. All you had to do was look at her and it was obvious who her daddy was, even his mother had taken one look and seen it, why couldn’t he?’

He frowned as he went from October to July and he was almost a month short. “Brumby” he growled.

“WHAT?!”

‘Okay, now she was angry with him. That would only leave him..’ He started to grin and he couldn’t stop. “Me?” he asked in a small voice, all the emotions flowing through him making it hard to speak. Seeing the tears of happiness in his eyes she started to cry too.

“Yes, you.” she cried as he cupped her face to bring her in for a kiss.

“She’s mine?” He still asked, tears now running down his cheeks.

“A-huh”

He kissed her again. “I love you.” He cried, “I love her.” Sarah smiled through her tears, she’d never seen him this happy and elated before. “My little girl” he marvelled.

“She’ll have you wrapped__” She was cut of by the ringing of the phone. It was Webb, he’d be there in thirty.

Harm put on his boxers and Sarah put on his shirt. They sat together on the edge of the bed, neither of them wanting to confirm why Webb was coming when the bedroom door opened and the object of all the earlier commotion padded towards them. She climbed between them and looked from one to the other. “Why couldn’t I sleep here with you two?”

“Because you needed to sleep and Harm and I needed to be alone for a bit.”

Emma looked at her mother and then turned to scrutinize Harm’s appearance. “Did you guys make love?” She asked as if it was the simplest question she could come up with.

Harm was shocked and looked at Mac. “Isn’t she a bit young…?”

“Clay took her to a library a while back, they have books explaining these things” she stated as she got up to look for her panties “Of course I had to ‘beautify’ it a little bit, Clay has no sense of romance.”

Harm shook his head, this was a subject he still wouldn’t go near with his mother and apparently his three year old daughter, damn that sounded good, already had this talk with hers. Emma handed Harm his pants and was determined to share her new found info. “When a mommy and a daddy make love and hug and kiss they get a baby.” Harm smiled

“If they’re lucky.” He added shyly.

Mac was now fully dressed, she was moving across the room quickly picking up the remaining items of his clothing. As she handed them to him she placed a quick kiss on his lips. “We did, we got Emma.” She kissed her daughter as she moved away. “I’m making breakfast before Clay gets here, did you pack all your things?” Emma didn’t answer the question but rather posed another one herself.

“Do you love Harm?”

Sarah stopped and smiled. “Yes I do, I have for a long time, long before you were born.”

“Can Harm be my daddy?”

“Sweetie, A long time ago, when I was still in the corps, I met this really nice NAVY Lt. Commander and we fell in love. But then there where some bad people and I had to leave my job and the Commander so he and I could be safe again. That Commander was Harm, Em. Harm is your daddy, we just haven’t seen him for a very long time.”

Emma stopped and looked back at Harm. “Because of the bad people?” she whispered.

“Yeah, because of that.” Sarah smiled sadly, then pulling herself together; ”Come on, go get your things together, Harm will help you pack.”

The next day.

“Clay, I’ve been thinking. I want Harm to take Emma for a while.”

“Why?”

“Because this moving and running isn’t good for her. And I need to pull myself back together. Clay..I want my life back.”

Seeing this change in her he knew he couldn’t argue. Part of the colonel had returned.

“Let’s see if Harm thinks he can manage without his mother.” ‘And if he is ready to show his girlfriend his new found daughter’ he thought.

Harms apartment four days later.

Harm opened the door to his apartment. “We’re home” he said softly to the sleeping little girl he was holding. She didn’t wake up so he’d put her in his bed and tuck her in. Watching her sleep always made him feel content and he was still surprised at the amount of love he felt for her. Saying goodbye to Mac had been hard, for both of them, but the days they’d spend on the beach by his mothers house had been fantastic. Emma was slowly relaxing and was even playing with kids she didn’t know. He hoped she’d settle as easily here as she had done in California. Harm would have to go back to work this week and he wasn’t sure how he’d manage. He couldn’t just show up at the JAG day-care and he wasn’t too sure about Rachel either. But he had to work. His ten days of leave had turned into four weeks. The admiral hadn’t pressed when he said the reason was personal and he had done a couple of small cases the first three weeks before Emma had gone back to Mac. But he couldn’t keep his superior in the dark very long even if Clay said it would be best if no one knew…. yet.

He put Emma on the bed and tucked her in. After putting their things away he joined her. It didn’t take long before they were both sound asleep.

It was dark in the apartment when she opened the door. Quietly she made her way to the bedroom. She wanted to surprise him.

At first she had been angry with him for staying away so long, but that had all been forgotten when she heard his voice on her answering machine. Well…not forgotten, but put aside for the moment. She had missed him too much to start a fight with him his first night back in D.C. Quietly she made her way to his bedroom, took off her clothes and slid into the bed. Snuggling against his back. It wasn’t till morning that she discovered they weren’t alone.

“Harm, I have to go potty.”

Her eyes shot open immediately at the sound of a child’s voice. She could feel Harm move over to his stomach, and heard him mumble something she didn’t understand.

“But I don’t know where it is.” The little voice wined.

Rachel was too confused to move or talk. First she had to find out what the hell was going on.

Harm sat up, stretching his back. Then he got out of bed. “Come on, I’ll show you.”

The voices a little further away, Rachel sat up and glanced towards the bathroom.

“Just put it down, You need any help?”

“No, mommy taught me.”

“Okay.” Harm’s sleepy voice sounded from the bathroom. “I’ll leave you to it then.”

“Harm, I’m hungry.”

“And I’ll make you breakfast.” He added.

As he stepped from the bathroom he saw her sitting in the middle of the bed. “Rachel” he gasped. He tried to come up with an explanation but just couldn’t.

Having found the nerve to talk again she said “Nice imitation of a fish, never saw a squid do that before.”

Harm was finishing the last of the pancake mix, Emma was sitting on one of the bar stools quietly staring at her dino-pancake. Rachel was getting dressed in the bathroom. Emma had come out of the bathroom before Rachel had been able to ask questions he couldn’t answer. Seeing a total stranger in her undie’s on the bed she and Harm had slept in threw her off and she quickly took cover behind Harm’s legs.

“Something wrong with the pancake?” Harm asked when she still hadn’t taken a bite.

Emma looked up at him. Something was bothering her, he knew her well enough to see that.

Taking a guess he explained. “That’s Rachel, she’s a friend of mine.” Emma just stared at him and then turned back to her pancake.

“I don’t want this one.”

“Why not? I thought you were hungry.”

“This is a veggie-saur.” She exclaimed.

“So….That just means hé eats veggies, not that you have to.” Harm replied thinking about Mac and Emma both being apposed to health food.

“No, I mean….look!”

She pointed at the dinosaurs neck and looked up at Harm expectantly.

“I see..” Harm said, even though he didn’t have a clue.

“Right” Emma said satisfied “So Dino would never forgive me.” She hugged the pink dinosaur tight.

“AH, What kind of dinosaur CAN you eat?”

Rachel watched them chat about dinosaurs and pancakes from the bedroom steps. She admired Harm for his patience with the little girl, she was sure SHE didn’t have any.

Seeing her stand there Harm called her over. “Rachel you want dinosaur pancakes?”

She smiled “Sure”

“Emma, this is my friend Rachel.” Harm said as he pulled her from behind his legs where she’d gone into hiding again. Not wanting to push her he just took her on his lap and started to eat breakfast. “Emma is a little shy.”

When Rachel started to chit chat about work and Harm’s mother, Emma decided it was safe to finish the dinosaur.

“You look good Harm, I heard California had some pretty good weather this spring.”

“Yeah, we spent a lot of time on the beach at my mom’s place.”

Rachel looked up surprised. “ Is that where you met her? Who is she?”

Harm had to think carefully, he couldn’t just come out and tell her, but he also couldn’t lie. Not with Emma right there.

“Actually, my mom met her at a gallery. Her mom got into an accident and we took care of her. She’s all right, but she needs some time, so she asked me to take Em for a while.”

Rachel frowned. “A total stranger asked you to take her child to the east coast because she needed some time?”

Emma looked at Harm seemingly waiting to hear how he’d get out of that one. Harm swallowed nervously.

“Harm?” Rachel got worried.

“I eh….She wasn’t a stranger. I knew her from a long time ago. I am not allowed to tell you anything more at this time.”

One week later.

June 5th 2005

Rachel was slowly warming up to Emma. But when Harm called her that he had to work this weekend and asked her to look after the little girl she couldn’t say yes. Harm understood, but this put him in a difficult position. Finally he decided to take Emma with him to headquarters.

There wouldn’t be many people around, and hopefully the admiral wouldn’t be there.

After giving her instructions of where she was allowed to go and what to do if she got lost Harm sat down to work. Emma was lying on the floor drawing. Her crayons scattered across the office. ‘Glad to see she is just as organized as her mother.’ He didn’t get much work done. Emma wanted a story, and then she was thirsty. Now that she was finally playing again, he couldn’t stop watching her. Everyone said she looked just like him, but he could see Sarah in her. Her mannerisms, her dark hair, her smile. ‘Rabb smile, my foot.’ And now she was wearing a MARINE uniform blouse just like Mac’s. They got it in the mail this morning, it was from Mac. Emma had gone all bouncy on him the rest of the morning, so happy was she to get something from her mother. Obviously two phone calls a week weren’t enough. He’d have to talk to Webb about that.

“Mr Rabb, are you done with that Rupert report?” A.J.’s voice startled him.

“Harm, I have to go.”

Without looking up Harm answered “Go where, sweetie?”

“To the bathroom!” she giggled.

“Oh, right. You remember where that is? Or should I take you?”

Emma was roaming the hallways of JAG headquarters. Harm had taken her to the bathroom, but she said she could find his office by herself. She knew where she had to go, but her interest was peeked by an open door. She glanced inside and was in aw of the big room. When she was sure, no one was there she went inside. At the back there was this very high desk thing and beside that a smaller one. She discovered that she could climb into it, it was like a little tower. Imagining the tower was part of a castle she played out her own story.

Having heard the little voice inside the courtroom A.J. walked in just as she attempted to climb onto the ‘bench’. “Careful young lady.”

Emma panicked and continued to climb in the hope that he couldn’t get to her. A.J. approached and she couldn’t go any further. Seeing her distress he tried to calm her down. “It’s okay, darlin. You need help getting down?” She shook her head.” You know, Harm is going to be worried when you don’t come back soon. Come on, I’ll take you to him.”

“NO!” she yelled. At his startled look she added hesitantly. “I’m not supposed to go with strangers.”

“I see, good. You are totally right. I am Admiral Chegwidden, Harm’s boss. I saw you in his office earlier.”

“Is an amiral higher than a Colonel?” she asked. A.J. smiled.

“Yes, an Admiral is higher than a Colonel.”

“You are NAVY like Harm, he’s a Captain.” The Admiral smiled. “is a captain higher than a Colonel?”

“Yes.” She frowned and looked at her uniform shirt.

“Are you a MARINE?” A.J. asked. Emma nodded. “Good, I like MARINES.” He turned to leave. “Colonel?, Should I tell Captain Rabb you are in here?”

Emma smiled, pleased that he called her Colonel and for a second A.J. froze on the spot. Dismissing the thought that occurred he walked out.

After Lunch Harm only had two reports left. Emma was getting bored and headed for the courtroom. She saw the Admiral walk into a room and decided to follow. He had basically been ‘okayed’ by Harm, so she felt safe to see if he wanted to play. Before she could ask him she could hear hurried footsteps and an loud voice, and to Emma, loud usually meant angry. She took cover under A.J.’s desk despite the fact that the voice was familiar.

“A.J. I need to talk to you. You can not keep ignoring me, I need your help.” Clay burst in.

Emma couldn’t follow the conversation, they were talking so fast and they where angry at each other.

“You need to re-open that investigation.”

“And why would I risk more of my people? In case you forgot, I lost one of the best officers I’ve ever had and a damn fine friend. I don’t want any of my people getting killed like they killed Mac!” A.J. yelled. “You know something, YOU fix it!”

“I am trying!” Clay yelled back “We are watching this from the other end, but we need a cover to investigate.”

Emma was really getting scared when she heard the words. ‘Mac’ and ‘killed’ Her breathing picked up.

“And I will NOT let anyone DIE!” Clay barked, “I didn’t the first time, and I won’t let them now!”

Getting as close to Clay as he could A.J. barked back. “What the hell are you saying mr. Webb, because if it is what I think I just heard you say you better start running, cause I will haunt you down and kill you with my bare hands for all the pain and misery you’ve caused!”

Emma’s wails caused the two men to stop their yelling for just a second. Seeing the source both men turned back to each other, each blaming the other for causing her distress. While continuing to yell at A.J. Clay tried to pull her from under the desk which made her scream in fear. From the bull pen they heard Harm’s frantic voice calling out to her. “EMMA?!”

“DADDY!” She cried while crawling as far away as she could from Clay’s hands.

Harm was in the office two seconds after hearing her scream for him. “Where is she!” He demanded. Having figured it out before either man could answer he pushed Clay aside and crawled under the desk as far as he could.

“Honey?” he reached his arms out and she climbed in them.

“Daddy” she cried a bit softer.

Seeing her so scared damn near killed him every time. He held her close as he sat down on the flour. “It’s okay, sweetie, daddy’s here.”

He looked at the two men for some kind of explanation. One of them looked agitated and shook his head, throwing his hands in the air muttering ”Why do I even try?”

.

The other was just recovering from a major shock, anger appeared. “Mr. Rabb I want to speak to you ASAP! ,Webb, get the hell out of my office.”

Harm got up, still holding on to Emma who seemed to have a death grip on his shirt, her face buried against his neck.

“With all due respect sir, I have more important things to attend to.”

With that he took his leave.

“Come on Em, let’s go get a drink of water. Then we’ll go home.”

Once back home Harm tried to get Emma to cheer up, but it was no use. She was so upset that she completely closed down. Once he found out she had heard them say that Mac was dead he could do nothing but call Webb to get in touch with Mac ASAP. He knew it would interfere with their plan to ‘reinstate’ Mac but Emma was their priority. An hour later the phone rang.

Harm answered on the first ring. It was Mac. ‘She is almost as hysterical as Annie was.’,

Harm thought. When he finally had convinced her that Emma was unhurt, at least physically, she was still all too eager to drop everything and come and get her. She’d handle Clay since Harm was still livid with the CIA agent.

June 26th 2005

Three weeks later Harm still missed her. He still missed having Emma around all the time and he sure missed Mac, period. She had come down to get Emma and they had spend the rest of the weekend together. They had tried to keep their distance, or he had anyway, because of Rachel whom, he realized , he had not mentioned to Mac. The Admiral had called him late Sunday evening. He hadn’t mentioned the events of the previous day, he just ordered Harm to pack his bags and report to some C.O. in Florida for some kind of investigation.

Three weeks later, and things where moving slowly. Harm just wasn’t focused. He dreamt about protecting Emma and he fantasized about making love to Mac. Their latest kiss goodbye burned into his memory, but what about Rachel? He just wasn’t sure…he felt a certain obligation towards her, after all, they’d invested in their relationship and what if all he was doing with Mac was trying to recapture the past? He had already noticed that Mac had changed, she was no longer the gung ho MARINE he once knew. She was scared, and tired and extremely nervous. She couldn’t go out with him , even if she wanted to. She was overly protective of Emma, and sometimes he felt like he was handling a time bomb.

But he loved her. Every fiber of his being told him that. Even though a lot of things in their lives were still very wrong, everything was right in the world when he was with her.

Still Rachel had snuck into his live, she was funny and strong. When nothing made sense SHE was there for him. She knew him. Even if he was lying to himself she’d call him on it. That was probably why she had backed of after meeting Emma. She hadn’t said anything, but she had to have noticed, or at least wondered. Thinking about her he felt he needed to talk to her.

Andrews A.F.B.

July 3thrd 2005

Mac was nervous about seeing him again. Last time she talked to him he had been distant, distracted. If it weren’t for that last kiss she probably wouldn’t even be here. She was taking a big chance, both with her heart and her live. Emma was bouncing around on the backseat while they waited. Mac smiled at her enthusiasm for seeing Harm. Over the last couple of weeks she had mentioned numerous times how much she missed him or how Harm would do this or that. It both thrilled and annoyed her that he had such an influence over her. Obviously Harm was what she needed, what they both needed, but Mac didn’t want to feel dependant on him, yet she couldn’t stay away.

When she finally saw him in the distance her heart fluttered. She got out and opened the door for Emma who in her haste forgot the picture she had drawn for Harm. As Mac reached down to grab it Emma spotted Harm and yelled for him. Mac looked to see if he had heard Emma and froze on the spot when she saw him embracing another woman. It felt like her heart was being ripped out.

To Emma Rachel was no stranger and therefore didn’t damper her excitement. Without looking she crossed the ‘street’ again calling for him.

The voice of her daughter pulled Mac back to the present just in time to see a blue car heading straight for the little girl.

Harm was startled from his reunion with Rachel when he heard the terrified scream of Emma’s name followed by screeching tires. Sarah stood frozen to the spot across the road. Harm hurried towards his little girl who other then being scared by the car and her mothers scream was little worse for wear. Harm picked her up and hugged her close. Emma didn’t say anything and held on tight. Meanwhile Rachel met Mac’s eyes form across the street, each woman trying to assess the competition. In Mac’s eyes shone something like defeat as apposed to Rachel’s determinacy.

“Harm?” She softly nudged him. When he looked at her she nodded towards Mac. “Is that her?” Though she already knew the answer.

“Yeah” Harm sighed without taking his eyes of Mac. “Come on Em, you gave your mom a big scare, let’s show her you are okay.”

Mac couldn’t move. All her defences had gone up. He had hurt her again. The one person she trusted with her live had swept her of her feet and then hurt her beyond belief. How could she have been so stupid? How could she have lowered her guard and be vulnerable like that? Before she could dwell any further they were before her. Emma went to her arms immediately. Harm looked nervous.

“Hi.” He said, his voice quivering slightly. “She ah…she’s fine, uh..you okay?”

For a long time he didn’t think she’d respond, but when she did it wasn’t the way he’d expected from Mac, from the lt. Colonel he used to be partnered with. A show of anger, retaliation, a sermon a rant…but not this.

Completely calm she responded. “ I am fine, thank you, and thank god she is too. We came to meet you. Emma missed you and she wanted to invite you to her birthday party tomorrow.”

Emma turned around and grinned at Harm. “We are going to make a pie and maybe cupcakes! You can come and help us decorate them tonight!”

Harm had to laugh at her excitement but Mac’s face was tight and her eyes defeated. Then it came. “Emma really wants you there, I hope you can take time away from your girlfriend. Not for me, but for your daughter. If it were just me I wouldn’t have wanted to see you again, EVER.”

The last being said with such venom it startled both Harm and Emma. “See you around, HARM.” With that she turned towards her car.

“No! Wait. You’ll come, right? Tonight.” Emma pleaded though she understood that her mother’s invite was only for tomorrow. She softly pulled on her mother’s pants and pleaded sadly; “To help with the cupcakes…” The pleading blue eyes showing her daughters disappointment were enough for Mac to give in. She turned back to Harm and looked at him expectantly.

“Well?”

“I uh,” He looked back at Rachel. He had asked her to meet him today so they could talk. He didn’t know yet what he wanted to do with his live or who he should be with, but he knew he at least had to be honest with her so she could make her own decision. ‘Would she stay with a man who was in love with another woman?’ Deep down he heard a little voice saying that he hoped she wouldn’t, that way he could stay with Mac without having to decide himself. The easy way out.

“Never mind” Mac spat at him. Without another word she buckled Emma up in the back seat , jumped in and drove of.

“You can set the timer, sweetie.” Sarah said as she handed the device to her daughter. “25 minutes.”

“Like this?” Emma held it up so her mother could see.

Sarah smiled. ’52, they’d be pitch black.’. “Almost, see….” She showed the correct number and handed it back to Emma. “What would you like to do while we wait?”

“Can I call Harm and ask when he’s coming?”

“Honey, He’s not coming. Maybe tomorrow.”

“It’s your fault you know. You said you didn’t want to see him EVER. Maybe he won’t come tomorrow.”

Sarah took Emma in her lap as she sat down on the sofa. “He’ll be here tomorrow. He loves you.”

“Harm loves you too you know.” Emma paused. “Did you see her?”

“Who?”

“Rachel, she’s daddy’s friend.”

“You’ve met her?!” Emma nodded in response. “What is she like?” Sarah hated herself for asking, but she just couldn’t help herself.

“I don’t think she likes me.”

“What makes you say that? Did she hurt you?” Sarah’s mind was making up all kinds of horrible step mom scenario’s.

“No, I just heard her tell Harm she didn’t want to play house with him with me there.”

“Oh.”

Sarah felt a wave of relief. If Rachel didn’t feel much for Harm’s child that had to cause tension in their relationship. But if it would do HER any good with her relationship with Harm….would remain to be seen. Right now things didn’t look too good. Especially because he hadn’t told her about this woman.

Twelve minutes later the bell rang.

“I’ll get it!” Emma yelled as she jumped of the sofa. “Maybe it’s Harm!” She called excitedly.

“Emma, NO! Wait!, You can’t just__” Sarah ran after her daughter. No matter how many times she’d told her not to open the door for strangers, or anyone else for that matter, after all those years living in fear when the bell rang unexpectedly, Emma would open the door without hesitation, thinking it was Harm. Sarah turned into the hallway just as Emma opened the door….. for Harm, stopping her dead in her tracks. Emma started jumping up and down.

“It’s him, It’s him! It’s daddy!” She reached out her arms as she jumped and Harm caught her and raised her high up into the air making her squeal in delight.

‘Leave it up to Harm to come through in the end and save the day.’ Sarah thought. Emma had been a bit down after the argument this afternoon. She watched as he hugged their daughter the love clearly evident on his face. Then he turned to her.

“Hey Mac.”

She could see that he was a bit nervous but she just didn’t know what to say to him. Not without this turning ugly or emotional again anyway. And she didn’t want to cause another scene in front of Em. Thankfully she was saved by the kitchen timer.

“Ah, excuse me, cupcakes.” She explained pointing in the direction of the kitchen.

“Come on Harm, You can help us decrate!” She tugged on his hand when he didn’t seem to move.

Harm felt someone pulling his hand and looked down into a pair of excited blue eyes.

“Yeah, let’s go, pumpkin.” He smiled.

She led him into the kitchen where Mac was reaching down into the oven to get the cupcakes out. Harm couldn’t keep from staring at her backside. Mac could feel his eyes on her and got distracted form the task at hand till she touched the rim of the oven and burned her hand.

“Aarch! Damn it!” She screeched.

Harm was at her side in a second, checking her hand. “Come here.” He pulled her up and led her to the sink to hold it under the cold water.

“Damn” she hissed through her teeth. “Awh” She gasped when the cold water seemingly made it hurt even more. Harm held her close while he steadied her hand under the stream.

“It’s okay, baby.” He soothed softly. Mac leaned back in his embrace, enjoying the comfort it gave her.

“Mommy, are you alright?” Emma’s concerned voice reminded them of her presence.

“Maybe we should have a doctor check this out.” Harm suggested as he gently ran his finger over the bandage.

“Don’t be ridiculous. This lotion has to be enough.” She replied as she pulled back her hand from his touch. “Besides, I don’t want to dump all that kind of paperwork on Clay’s lap during the holiday.” He was sitting way to close to her liking. That is, she did like him this close but that meant she was setting herself up to be hurt again.

“Mommy, taste this.”

“What on earth is that?” Harm screeched.

“It’s the icing, it comes in ready to go tubes.” Mac grinned as she licked the icing of the spoon that Emma proudly held up. It was so sweet she was sure her teeth would fall out but she managed to say; “Sweetie, that was incredible, thank you!”

It was Harm’s turn to grin. “I know what you want for your next birthday.” He said to Mac.

“What?” Emma asked, as her mother glared at her father.

“A new set of teeth.” Told Harm, never breaking eye contact with Mac who couldn’t hold back her own smile.

“You know, you should try this too, Harm.” At Harm’s shocked expression she went on. “Emma can daddy taste some too?”

“Sure!” Emma called out happily.

“Could you get me a tube, honey?” Mac asked sweetly.

As Emma skipped to the kitchen Harm glared at Mac. “You know Mac, I have been eating military chow for three weeks, I am not sure my body can withstand a sugar rush like that. Have pity on this over the hill sailor, will you.”

“I don’t think so, Harm.” She laughed, “You’ll just have a good reason to get even with me someday.”

“Oh, I will.” He threatened.

“Can’t wait.” She said saucily. This was just perfect. The bantering. Them spending this time together as a family, just perfect. Mac wished it would never end.

“What on earth did you get her?” Mac asked as he carried in two big parcels, colourfully gift wrapped.

“I got her an art set.” He said proudly. “You know, with all the different kinds of materials…” He trailed of when he saw the sad look on her face. “Why, you didn’t get her the same thing, did you? Darn, I knew I should have checked with you first, but then I was sent on a case and__”

“Harm relax. I didn’t get her thát.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

“Nothing!” Harm could see her trying to hide her initial reaction. “It’s a great gift. I am sure she’ll love it.” She even tried to smile, but failed miserably. Harm turned sideways on the sofa so he could face her. She was leaning her right arm on the back, her chin resting on her hand as she stared at the wall behind them.

“Sarah.” Harm said softly. “What’s wrong? Do you want me to take it back?” He could see she was struggling but she shook her head ‘no’. He reached up to brush away a tear that had escaped despite her effort. “Honey.” He whispered and she looked up at him. Her voice was small and unsteady.

“Why do you guys always have to buy such expensive stuff?”

“It wasn’t thát expensive. Besides, she’s my daughter.” He defended.

“Yeah, well, she’s mine too.” Sarah sniffed.

Harm sighed. Last thing he meant for was to make her cry. “what did you get her?”

“I got her a new bathing suit and a book about kangaroos.” She answered quietly.

“Oh.” He didn’t know what to say. She had bought Emma stuff she needed anyway and he had bought her a luxury gift, and an expensive one at that. Trying to lighten the mood he joked. “Planning on taking her to Australia this winter?”

Her head shot back up. “Will you get over this Mic thing?! Besides, if I had the money to go there, I would have bought her the art set!”

“So it’s not the gift itself that offends you?” Harm tried to understand.

“No, she’s been asking for stuff like that for weeks. Every store we go to, she just homes in on the paints and stuff. I tried to find her one within my price range…. But she needs new clothes as well, she’s gotten so big.”

“What did you get her last year?” Harm asked. He regretted having missed more than three years of his little girls life.

“Last year I gave her water colour paint and those slippers she could swim with.”

“I’ve seen her use that lot’s of times, she loves it.”

“I know, but she really wanted the real paint stuff. But she was turning three! One day she would want play dough and then she wouldn’t touch it for a month. Besides. I didn’t have the money for it anyway. Clay stole the show with the pony.”

“Clay got her a pony?!”

“No, thank god. But he brought all these animals she could either ride or pet, it was like a bloody zoo, but she loved it!” She smiled at the recollection.

“I wonder if he’ll outdo me this year.” Harm wondered out loud.

“Harm, this isn’t a contest. At least it shouldn’t be. That’s why you’ll give her your gift and I’ll just enjoy her reaction when she gets it.” Her smile now gone again.

“Hey, I think she’ll love your gifts. I took her to the zoo in San Diego and she loved the kangaroos.”

“Thanks Harm. But don’t you see. Clay gets her ponies and winter boots and takes her to the library or the fair when I am too scared. You take her to the zoo and JAG and you buy her things she’s wanted for over a year. You gave her grandparents. Her party is incomplete without you, the cupcakes inferior till you show up….It’s just…I feel like I can’t provide for her, like , like I am not enough.” Now that she started she couldn’t stop and tears where trickling down her face.

Harm gathered her in his arms and held her tight. While she kept talking he kissed away the tears and tried to sooth her. “Honey, you are terrific. Just look at Emma, you raised a wonderful little girl. All by yourself! You know just how to handle her when she’s having a tantrum, you put her first, which is a lot more than some parents do these days…you…you’re” He paused as he made sure she was with him. “You’re just YOU. And that’s all anyone can ever ask you to be and in your case, that is more than enough.”

“But_” He stopped her by placing her finger on her lips.

“You, Sarah Mackenzie,” He stopped to kiss her softly on her lips. “are fantastic.” She snorted unattractively. “And that is why I love you so much.”

Her face turned serious and then hopeful. He ran his fingers through her hair as he stared at her in aw. As if he was now seeing her for the first time that evening. “Glad to see you finally put some meat on those bones.” He smiled. She knew what he meant and couldn’t even get angry with him. Last time he assessed her as skin and bones. This was definitely better, at least he thought so judging by the look in his eyes. The fingers in her hair cupped the back of her head and brought it closer to his. He started kissing her softly and she lost herself in him.

Through his whispers of how beautiful she was she remembered Rachel. She had to know where she stood. At least then she could deal with it. She had no illusion of sending him home now, she wanted him too much, needed him. “Harm?”

As he was ravishing her neck he mumbled.” Yeah baby?”

“What about her?”

“What about who?” He said confused as he raised his head to look at her.

“That…that woman?!…Rachel……”

He kept looking at her, his eyes now slightly shocked.

“Do you love her?” If the answer was yes, she knew it was going to hurt, but she had to know.

He was trying to control his breathing as he pondered her question. “I don’t know.” He replied truthfully.

He wanted to pull away from her, but she held him to her. “Why didn’t you tell me, when we..when we made love, you should have told me.”

“Yeah, I should have but….” He smiled a little. “From that moment you stepped out of that house and I saw you, there was nothing, no one but you. Not once during that night did I think about her. I wanted and needed you. Missing you for that long and finally being with you…” He trailed, the pain evident in his voice and face.

“You cheated on her.” She stopped as she realised something. “You cheated on Renee too.”

“Ouch. Honey, I _”

“Shh, Harm. I don’t want excuses I just want to know where I stand and I just want you. Because I love you.” There was silence as he tried to figure out what she was saying. “Does she know where you are?”

“Yes.”

She kissed him softly seeing him tense up.

“But you will go home to her tomorrow?” It wasn’t really a question, she could see it in his eyes.

Harm had tried to get Rachel to break up with him. He was dead scared to make the decision himself. What if Clay took Mac away again? It had taken him so long to get himself together after that and with Rachel it just …worked. He had told her everything. How Mac had been the love of his life, about finding Emma, making love to Mac, about being torn between her and Mac. That he cared for them both. She had told him to go to her and figure his feelings out, that he shouldn’t make any hasty decisions.

Unbeknownst to Harm Rachel had sized Mac up in the parking lot. She had seen the defeated tired look and figured she could take her on. As for Emma. She knew she was no match, nor did she feel the need to compete with the little girl, but she was convinced that Harm’s love for Mac was misplaced loyalty to Emma and his need for a family.

Mac was someone he had once been in love with , but never really had a chance with. Their relationship was build on one night of passion, well, two now, and it wouldn’t withstand the slurs of daily life. Having Emma was the only bound between them and it wouldn’t be enough. No, she would hold on to him till it all blew over. Maybe working on their own family would help. If she played her cards right she might even be able to convince him to stay home for the kids. Lord knew she brought in the real money.

“Sarah, I don’t want you to be the other woman. I can’t do that to you.”

“Don’t leave. You said yourself that when you were with me, she didn’t come into the equation. Stay Harm, I need you tonight…… But you’ll have to work it out after tomorrow.”

He nodded and took her in his arms. She felt so right in his arms. He kissed her forehead and he knew that whatever happened he needed her in his life. “Mac, I promise I will break_”

Mac kissed him fiercely. “No, Harm. Not now. Make your decision after tomorrow not when your about to make love to me.” She didn’t want a promise from a man who might be thinking with his other head.

“Okay, then, how about I just hold you?” He tried to look sincere. Mac looked at him questioningly then smiled. “Sure. Give it your best shot.” Harm smiled at her. It was good to see her upbeat again.

Together they lay on the bed, simply enjoying the feel of one another till their passion heated up again and simply touching wasn’t enough anymore.

05:23

“Tell me. About Emma,” Harm asked as he stroked the bare skin of her back. “How did it feel to be pregnant with her? Tell me about when she was born.. I want to know, I’ve missed so much.

“I can show you,” She perked up, “Come on.”

Quietly she threw on a tank top and shorts and motioned him to follow her. She opened the hall closet and scanned the labels on about a dozen boxes.

“There they are.” She pulled out a box labeled ‘tapes and slides’ .

She led Harm to the living room and onto the sofa and placed a tape into the vcr before settling next to him. For a moment she just gazed up at him, gathering her strength actually.

“Harm, before I show you I need you to promise not to kill Clay.?”

Harm frowned. “Why would I_”

“Promise.”

“Okay, I promise. Now Why?”

“Clay shot most of this material, originally for you. I just didn’t know he never gave them to you till after my accident.”

Harm had to swallow and suppress his anger. Clay had kept her away from him, both Mac and Emma. He thought back to all the times he had pleaded with Clay for information about Mac, all the times he had worked with Clay and never once had the agent given him anything to give him hope, and last but not least Clay claiming Mac and Emma to be his family.

Mac’s soothing caress brought him back to the present.

“Are you sure you’re up to it? Maybe it will just hurt you, remind you what you’ve missed.”

“No, I’ve already missed it, better to know how it really was then to have my mind make stuff up.” ‘Stuff with Clay in it.’ his mind added.

“Okay.” Mac pushed the play button on the remote. She settled back against Harm as she herself appeared on the TV screen.

They sat in silence watching Mac’s belly grow bigger in each scene. Clay had done a great job at catching her beauty on camera even when she was grouchy or tired and even once just after she’d been sick. Jealousy had risen as Harm watched Clay comfort Mac after having put the camera down and again after her first ultra sound, having seen her baby for the first time had made Mac cry uncontrollably.

“That should have been me.” Harm whispered.

“Yeah, it should have. I wanted you so much then….” Her voice trailed of as she relived those painful moments.

An hour later they where at the actual birth tape when Emma bounced in.

“Is it morning yet?”

“Hey birthday girl!” Mac pulled her daughter in for a hug and a kiss. “Happy birthday sweetheart.”

“Harm!” she exclaimed as she pulled away form her mom.

They had watched Emma’s birth together. Mac had offered to fix breakfast since she ‘already knew what was gonna happen’ but Harm had refused to let her go. First of all he wanted to experience at least the ‘replay’ with her and secondly he didn’t want her to leave him to explain things to Emma as they progressed. Much to Emma’s surprise and amusement they both cried as tv Mac held her new born baby.

“You were amazing” Harm whispered as he pulled her in for a long hug.

“Now can I open my gifts?? Please? Pretty please?”

As expected Harm’s gift was a big success. Emma had squealed with excitement , flung herself at Harm and covered him with thank you kisses. Mac couldn’t help but smile at the scene before her, even though her gifts lay on the table forgotten.

When Clay showed up around 10:30 it was already way up into the nineties. Harm gave him a cold greeting but that was soon forgotten as Emma bounced around demanding her gift. After being scolded by Mac for her behaviour she ripped open Clay’s gift which under the circumstances, Mac thought, was perfect! A Slip ’n Slide.

Emma was dragging the heap of yellow plastic into the back yard as Mac turned to thank Clay. “Thanks Clay, that’s a nice gift.”

“You’re just happy that it is my lawn and not your own.” Clay joked as they hugged.

Reluctantly Clay let go of Mac at the sound of someone coughing, not even trying to be subtle. Harm glared at Clay and almost hissed “Why don’t you help her set it up Webb?!” He motioned at Emma who was struggling to straighten the slide out.

Fifteen minutes later They had it set up and connected to the water hose.

Mac was putting up the finishing touches to the cake when Emma ran in.

“Mommy mommy, can I put on my new bathing suit??! Please , can I can I!”

Harm followed Webb’s gaze and growled as he realized who it was aimed at. Sarah.

“Don’t be getting any ideas Webb,” Harm warned “You tried to keep me away, but I found her and I am NOT letting her get away, This is MY family, you hear me.”

Clay swallowed nervously. In his line of business he had seen and worked with the most dangerous type of people but nothing could scare him like the wrath of Rabb. He felt guilty enough himself and he knew never to cross Rabb concerning his loved ones. Trying to throw some guilt Harm’s way he retaliated. “Why don’t you figure out what you’re gonna do with Rachel first before you start making claims you’re not entitled to.”

“Daddy, Clay look!”

Seeing her prance around in her new bathing suit softened their expressions.

“You look beautiful honey.”

“Gorgeous sweetheart, is that new?”

They both said at the same time. The tension was totally lost on the now four year old.

“Yes, mommy got it for me! It’s the one I wanted!”

Mac grinned as she stepped out with a tray of lemonade. “She’s so excited she’s going to explode, why don’t you guys turn the water on and show her how it’s done.”

Sarah stood to watch Emma run and slide, a content smile on her lips when Harm came up behind and wrapped his arms around her. She leaned back and sighed. “This is perfect.”

Harm smiled and nuzzled her neck. “You are perfect.”

Clay sat and watched them a waive of regret coming over him. A small smile of relief surfaced as the door bell rang. “Ah, that should be my other present.”

“Oh Clay you shouldn’t have, this was just the perfect gift. You don’t_”

Webb silenced her with his finger. “You’ll love it, I promise.”

The doorbell rang again catching Emma’s attention this time.

“I’ll be right back” Clay sussed.

Hearing voices inside the house Emma took cover behind her mother’s legs.

“Mom, Frank!” Harm exclaimed as his parents stepped out. As everyone hugged Emma decided to join the party. “Today’s my birthday.” She told Trish.

The day progressed with presents, singing, blowing out the candles and cake. It was hot and the men had joined Emma slippin ’n slidin as Trish joined Mac in the kitchen to prepare for the BBQ. “You need me to help with anything?”

“Sure, it’s not much though. Harm and I did most of it last night.”

“Can I ask you a personal question?” Trish saw Mac tense.

“Of course, I’m not sure I can answer though.”

“Are you and he…..I mean…did he spend the night?” Trish was starting to feel just as uncomfortable as Sarah was.

“I don’t know what we are.” Mac paused and took a big breath. “All I know is that I love him. I don’t know if that will be enough” She added sadly. “I suppose you know about his girlfriend?”

“Yes, I’ve only met her once. She seemed nice enough, strong willed woman.”

“Are they..serious? How long have they been together?”

“Why don’t you ask Harm?”

“Maybe I was afraid of the answer, if he would have even given me a straight one.”

“I don’t know exactly. Till you walked into the gallery Harm and I were hardly speaking because he thought I wasn’t minding my own business concerning his life and his relationships."

“I didn’t know that, I’m sorry.”

“What for? I should be thanking you. If it wasn’t for that little girl I wouldn’t have gotten my son back, not to mention gained a granddaughter.” Trish smiled at Sarah and brushed away a lock of hair form her face. “When you..’died’ Harm was a wreck. It was like he had no reason to live anymore. Renee finally gave up on him, he was a mess both physically and mentally, he almost lost his job.” Following Mac’s gaze towards Harm who was flying a giggling Emma high above his head she continued. “ The man you see now isn’t the same Harm we all lived with before your accident. This one has meaning to his life, he laughs, he cares and he loves….both of you. Don’t under estimate his feelings for you.”

“Mac” Clay stepped in. “I have one more surprise.”

“Clay I told you, you’ve done enough.”

“This one is for you but I think Emma will like it. You might find it a bit emotional.”

Sarah’s eyes went wide with apprehension. “Who is it?” she whispered just loud enough for Clay to hear her.

“It’s A.J. “

September 30th 2005

“Hello Sarah. It’s been a long time since we last saw each other. How are you?”

“Hi George.” Mac said as she sat down in the chair in front of his desk. “And not to good.”

“Well, you don’t look it. Last time…when was it?”

“Last year in March I think.”

“Right, right, well you certainly look much healthier now.” He smiled trying to put her at ease. “What’s on you mind?”

“You’re THAT kind of doctor??” She chuckled.

“Ah..funny, but we all know that a healthy mind means a healthy body.”

Mac swallowed past a lump in her throat. “It’s just. Emma’s father recently came back into my life.”

“Oh, is this a good thing?”

“A very good thing.” She blushed. “At least it was.” She sobered up. “ I don’t know where I stand with him right now but there might be a chance we’ll be okay and if that’s the case….”

“You’d want to have more children.” He finished for her.

“Yes, eventually. I mean, I think our first priority is Emma and what’s good for her. She needs stability in order to feel safe at least in her own home. I don’t think adding two, not counting her grandparents, new family members within a year will help with that.”

“So you are thinking long term? Why are you here?”

“Same reason I came to see you last year.” She sighed sadly.

“Hum, still hasn’t come back yet ey?”

“Well, once, after Harm and I…..” She bit her lower lip. “But that was the only time.”

“Okay. Now last time you looked like a concentration camp inmate, and with the stress you were and I presume still are under we deducted that to be the cause of the ovulation hiatus.

Seeing you like this takes away one cause, but not the other. Why don’t we check it all out again ey? To be sure?”

“Okay.”

“You know what I think Sarah.” He grinned at the vial filled with her blood.

“What George?” she had a feeling she wasn’t going to like where this was heading.

“I think that that Harm guy jump started your hormonal works.”

She glared at him. “I’m not a fucking battery you know. And next time I’ll ask Webb for a different doctor.”

He just laughed at her. “What else? It will take some time to run these to the lab. You mentioned you didn’t feel good?”

“I don’t know, maybe it’s the heat and humidity. I’ve been away so long I forgot what it’s like.”

“Tell me Sarah.” He said as he buzzed his assistant who came in promptly to take the blood samples to the lab.

She waited till the door closed. “Well, I’m extremely tired, like I said it could be this bloody weather and of course I have been recovering from the accident but I was doing okay, or so I thought …and I never had the nausea back then.”

George sat in his chair looking at her, his eyebrows high above his glasses. Trying not to give in to his train of thought too quickly, let alone share his thoughts with her till he was certain, he derailed for a minute. “When were you in an accident?”

“May 3rd.”

“Of this year?”

“Yes. I crossed the street without looking. I was trying to get to Emma.”

“She wasn’t hurt was she?” He asked, genuinely concerned.

She shook her head no. “I don’t remember anything till I came to a couple days later. I’ve got the file on it from Clay to give to you.”

“Okay.” He glanced at his watch. “Results shouldn’t take long. So tell me about this Harm fella when did you get together again? Can’t believe Clay allowed that by the way.” He winked at her.

Mac tried to suppress a smile and shook her head. “Also that month.”

“When did you have your period?” Time to get back on track.

“Beginning of June.”

The fax machine on his desk began to make noises. “Ah, that should be the results. You know in private practice that would take much longer!” He sang the last part. He grabbed the piece of paper and studied it for a moment. “That’s what I thought.” He looked over his glasses at Sarah who now began to feel a little nervous. She hadn’t expected anything to come up in the blood screen.

“Right.” George stood up. “Would you mind getting up one the examination table?”

It wasn’t really a question and why did he have to sing the last two words of his sentences. Was that a good sign? Or was he just trying to put her at ease with the ‘funny’ talk?

“Just tell me.” She whispered as she laid down on the table.

“Hold on, let me get all the facts before I blow you out of the water.” He smiled. And oddly enough that did calm her down some. His hands gently probed her abdomen.

“Okay, all done!”

“So?”

“Relax Sarah, this might be unexpected but it’s not bad news. That is…well it depends on how you react actually.”

Sarah’s eyes went wide but then narrowed as she glared at him. “Just tell me.” She hissed.

“Congratulations, you’re pregnant.”

October 20th 2005

‘Chez Maurice’

Harm looked at her as if he was seeing her for the first time. She was chatting happily while finishing her dinner, not noticing that he had barely touched his. He wasn’t even paying attention to what she was saying anymore either and was fairly surprised that he managed to nod and uhuh at the appropriate moments. What shocked him was that one word that kept surfacing in his mind, well actually it was a name.

Renee.

As he drove her home after dinner he mentally went through all of his girlfriends of the last ten years or so and came to the startling conclusion that there was a pattern. Never once had HE been the one to brake it off. Especially with Renee, when he had found he couldn’t lie to himself anymore about his feelings for Mac, it had been a cowards approach. He had just let the relationship die and was relieved that she had found love with someone else before she broke it off.

What was keeping him now? Mac told him to choose and not come back till he had. Trying for a life with Mac with so many uncertainties scared the shit out of him. Rachel had told him to figure out his feelings for Mac, or was it, get over them?

He had been so absorbed in his thoughts that he hadn’t noticed Rachel pulling him through the door of her apartment. She pulled him close and brought her lips to his. Before he realised what was happening he returned the kiss on automatic pilot. ‘Sarah’, this wasn’t her kiss, what was he doing?

“No, stop.” He breathed as he pulled away. But Rachel held fast to his arms. “Rachel, I’m sorry. But this has to stop, I can’t…..don’t want to….not while Mac…” He fumbled. “I need to be with Mac.”

“After everything I’ve been for you. After I’ve pulled you from that dark place you where in for so long!”

“I was in that dark place because she wasn’t in my live anymore!”

“But I made you realize you didn’t need her to be happy.”

“No, you made the pain bearable. Look Rachel, I care for you_”

“Harm, don’t do this, you are just confused about your feelings for her.”

He stopped and looked at her. He spoke slowly and clearly, leaving no doubt to the meaning.

“That is the only thing I was never confused about. Through all this one thing has always been clear to me. I love her.”

He let the words sink in, but she still didn’t release him.

“I always have and I always will.”

“You need to come back from your dream world. She is just someone you cared for once, and you feel the need to relive that, because it was cut short all those years ago. But real life has moved on, so have you, but you seem to forget that!”

“All I have to do is look in her eyes and see the years of fear, of being on the run. Hell, I missed almost four years of Emma’s live! I know live has gone on.”

“I know how badly you want a family and her showing up now is just so convenient. Here she is , a woman you have unresolved feelings for and she has a child, your child. A ready to go family, just what you’ve always dreamed about.”

Harm was too stunned to say anything. He thought he had made his feelings very clear. Now he knew why he never broke up with any of the women he dated. Breaking up sucks, no matter how much you want out. Rachel had apparently not heard a single word he had said, or she blatantly ignored them. He decided he would let her make her case for a bit longer, it wasn’t going to change anything. He’d tell her that and then he could leave.

“She knows how big you are on family. She knows how loyal, duty bound, honorable you are. She doesn’t care if you come to her out of a misguided sense of loyalty or responsibility for Emma as long as she gets you all to herself! I saw it in her eyes that day in the parking lot.”

He knew she’d be hurt and angry, but the moment she started lashing out at Mac Harm’s protective streak resurfaced. He knew it was silly, maybe he should point out that if Mac got in a fight with Rachel there would be no doubt as to who would come out on top.

“She is playing the scared little helpless woman and you just can’t help yourself and come to her rescue, can you! and she knows it! She is a manipula_”

“Now hold on a god damn minute!” Harm yelled at her as he finally pulled clear from her grasp. “You may have my MO with the damsel in distress theory but you’ve got Mac all wrong. She wouldn’t let me if she really was in distress and she damn sure wouldn’t play on her vulnerability. ……YOU, “ He said angrily while he pointed at her, “Have no idea what you are talking about. Mac wouldn’t do anything that devious, first off, it isn’t in her nature. Secondly, she loves me. She wants me to be happy even if it would hurt her.” He was speaking calmly now. “The fact that you thought of it gives me a whole new insight into your character, not hers.” He turned to the door.

“Harm, wait!”

He closed his eyes and let out a long sigh. “Rachel, no.It’s over.” And with that he walked out of her live.

His next mission was to convince Mac of his love. Rachel may have hit the nail on the head when she mentioned his sense of loyalty and his need for a family. Mac knew Harm, and she had probably made the same assumption Rachel had. That was probably the reason she had refused to see him after Em’s birthday.

He grabbed his cell phone as he got in his car. She picked up after the first ring.

“hello?”

“Hey, Mac it’s me.”

“Hi Harm.” She smiled despite herself. She’d missed him terribly and it was just so good to hear his voice. “Did you want to talk to Emma?”

“No.”

“You guys are still on for next weekend aren’t you? I mean I already told
Webb I’d do some briefs for him.”

“Yeah, I’m gonna take her swimming.”

“Harm, you think that’s wise? You know___”

“Look Mac, it’s a private pool, we’ll be the only ones there but that’s not why I called.”

“Oh.”

“I am coming over.”

“Harm, no. I can’t see you while you are still___”

“I am coming over to talk Sarah. I….I just think we shouldn’t be disturbed……Is there anyone who could look after Em for a while?”

“Harm.” Her voice now slightly worried. “I don’t know any one.”

“Please try.”

“Okay.”

**

She’d seen him drive up and met him at the front door. His expression was nervous but determined. Mac stepped aside so he could come in. “Hey.”

“Hey Mac.” He turned and then really looked at her. “Wow.”

She snorted.

“You look….fantastic.” He stuttered. She smiled shyly but then looked down at her clothes.

She was wearing baggy navy sweats and a FBI sweatshirt Clay had given her as a joke once.

“Oh, please.” She muttered sarcastically.

“Well you do, you look beautiful.” He defended.

“OK, what do you want from me?” She tried for humor.

Harm went all serious. “Is Em here?”

“No, Clay offered to take her to see a movie. I hope he knows what he’s in for. She wasn’t too pleased at being taken away from me without warning.” Mac was getting nervous from his serious face and kept rambling. “She was in the middle of a painting. She loves your gift, we can cover all the walls with her work.” Harm took a step closer. “You should see it, let me show you,” Another step.

“Mac.”

Mac stepped back and nervously motioned with her hands or fidgeted with her shirt. “She has talent you know, wonder where she got it, sure wasn’t from me.”

“Mac.”

“What?” her face now showing her despair. Tears welling up in her eyes.

“Come here.” He said softly wanting to take her in his arms and make her feel safe.

She took another step back as he reached for her. The last thing she needed was to be dulled into a false sense of security. She needed all her defences up for what she feared was coming.

“Why are you here? She crossed her arms in front of her.

Harm took a deep breath. This was it, no backpedaling, all he had to do was something he had never been able to do before…Completely letting go. Not knowing where to start he plunged.

“Look, Mac, you know I love you right?”

“That’s what you said.”

“I love you Sarah.” He stared at her, trying to see if she believed him. Her brown eyes filled with more tears but his words had filled her with a little bit of hope.

“I love you too Harm.” She sniffed.

Harm pulled her into his embrace and held her close. It took a while before he felt her relax completely. He kissed her hair and when she looked up, her forehead. She really looked especially lovely and he couldn’t help but lean down to kiss her. And she responded.

She cursed herself for going to him so quickly but with Harm it just felt right. It was also terrifying. Because she cared so much for him she was in real danger of having her heart ripped out when eventually he would reluctantly tell her that life had moved on without her for all those years, that things had changed despite his love for her and that he was sorry….

“Harm no!” She suddenly pushed him away. “Nothing is settled, you can’t ask me to__”

“Oh, shit. I’m sorry Mac. I thought you understood. I love you.”

“Yes Harm I understand that perfectly. But you did all those years ago and it didn’t guarantee anything back then.”

“No no no no,” Harm grinned. “I’m sorry, I’m just not good at this. I love you_”

“So you keep saying.”

“Will you stop interrupting please. Geez, this is turning out to be just as hard as breaking up.”

“You broke up?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“Well at the risk of sounding like a broken record, because I love you.”

“Oh.” She was smiling again. “So what does that mean for us?”

“That we finally get our chance.” He said as he pulled her down with him to the couch. “No matter how complicated it will be. I will do anything to have you in my life.”

“Oh Harm.” She sniffed as she cuddled against him.

“Of course it will take some reorganizing especially at work because I will technically be living a double live.” He grinned at the last part. And let his hands run up and down her back.

“You laugh now Batman, but you will be doing exactly that! Running back and forth between apartments, checking messages of two phone lines, keeping your lies straight and out of my house! The lies are the worst you know, you will feel like a heel.” Their fingers entwined, thumbs rubbing back and forth.

“As long as you are home waiting for me__ OW. What was that for?”

“If you think I am just going to sit at home waiting for you, you are mistaken mister!” Mac sat up to look him straight in the eye. “Clay and I have been going over my options. He needs more time but he thinks I could be reinstated.”

Her eyes shone at the thought of being back at JAG and in the MARINE corps. Harm couldn’t help smile at her and could only hope that she’d see his true feelings reflected in his eyes. He was proud of her and he would support her no matter what route she’d choose. She snuggled back against him, one of her hands trailing patterns on his chest.

Harm’s hands snuck under her sweater and trailed up to the clasp of her bra. Mac sighed contently at the feel of his fingers on her bare skin. “What about kids, Harm?” this seemed as good a time as any.

She pulled his shirt from his pants and pushed it up as far as she could.

He decided to help her and yanked the shirt over his head. She smiled and raised her eyebrows, then she seductively licked her lips before kissing her way up his body.

“I like kids.” He answered lightly before pulling her up so he could kiss her properly.

“Ha-arm.” She warned but he ignored her, letting his hands wander all over her body.

“I really like this new fuller version of you.” He grinned as his hands rested on her belly.

“O yeah? Well you haven’t seen anything yet.” She scoffed realising he already knew. Either that or his reaction was rather reserved. Was he happy about it?

Harm couldn’t stop grinning, Emma had let something slip about pickles but it was inconclusive till now, his palms softly stroking the small mount.

“Did I mention I love you?”

___