Usual disclaimers apply. Bellasario Productions and Paramount owns them, unfortunately. No one is making any money on this, we’re just having fun.


Treating Me Right


Harm’s Apartment
North Of Union Station
Sunday, Oct. 26, 2003
0800 Local

Oh, that’s what a good nights sleep feels like. Wow, I haven’t slept that well since...ever. Wait a minute, where am I. And what’s this big warm thing next to me. I gave Jingo to Chloe. Eeeck! It’s a body. Oh it’s not a body, it’s alive. It’s alive!!! It’s alive and it’s Harm!

Oh yeah. Now I remember. Oh boy do I remember. No wonder I slept well. This man could put half of the pharmaceutical companies out of business. No more insomnia, depression, anxiety. Take the Harm cure. Once a day (or more if needed). I wonder if he’d mind if I woke him up. Just to double check if the cure works. Scientific research and all that. Didn’t a discussion about Einstein’s theory of relativity get us into this?

Wow, I’m in bed with Harm, we’re both naked and we finally (THANK YOU GOD!) made love. Not that I’m given to rating my sexual partners, but Harm’s most definitely number one, at the top, cream of the crop. Can’t believe I momentarily forgot that as I woke up. Must be the residual Harm-sleep-inducing-factor.

And what a body. What I thought I saw in his spandex running pants is even better in person.

Getting a little bolder, I raise the sheets a bit. Just to check out how he looks this morning. Oh my. He’s 6’4” of play land. And he’s all mine. Mine, mine, mine, all mine. Harriet may have escaped yesterday, but that was only because she didn’t know. I’m marking this territory with my flag and no one is coming near it.

How do I do that? A tattoo on his forehead seems a little, I don’t know, outrageous? There has to be a way. No more Renee's or Annie's or anyone else. Just me.

Gee, he sure is cute.

Oh, and he has a little stubble going. Well of course he does Mac, I tell myself. Hey, I can’t help it if I’m a trifle giddy waking up next to Harm. I want to explore everything. That’s me, Christopher Columbus exploring a new world. I’m just about to touch his chest when he shifts and, was that a moan?

“Hmhumm,” scintillating morning conversation. Suddenly he launches his left arm over me and I’m trapped. Yes, as trapped goes this has to be one of the best ways to be trapped, if not the best, but still, I’m trapped.

What if I have to go to the bathroom.

Well, that just did it. Now I do have to go to the bathroom.

Maybe I can wiggle down and not wake him up. Carefully I start wiggling. Hey, this isn’t so tough. Sort of like worming under barbed wire with live fire going on overhead. I’ve done this before. Wait, did I really just compare wiggling down Harm’s body to barbed wire? Maybe that whammy has residual effects.

“Uhummoff.” Now that giant left leg has joined the arm. I’m totally pinned. And my bladder is really beginning to scream.

OK, nothing else to do. Gotta wake him up and face the music. Oh, how ackward is this gonna be? Is he going to regret it? Does he even remember it? (He has to, there wasn’t any alcohol at the party.)

Well, this is getting mission critical, so whatever...

“Harm,” I try gently. No response. “Harm,” a little louder now. No response. “Harm!” with a little nudge against his shoulder. No response.

I check his breathing. Yes, he’s still breathing. Maybe he’s in hibernation?

“Harm! I need to get up and you have me trapped.” Surely appealing to his protective instincts will work. Or maybe not.

“Attention on deck!” I scream in my best DI voice. Wow, that worked. I’ve never seen anyone come to attention asleep in bed. Oh, something else came to attention too. My, my.

“Mac.” “Harm” we both say at once.

“Harm, you have me pinned.”

“Yeah, so?”

“I need to go to the bathroom.”

“Oh, OK.” He magnanimously removes his arm and leg and I scurry out of the room, thinking ‘oh my god, he’s watching my naked ass run from his bed! How will I ever face him in court again?’

In the bathroom I realize that him watching my naked butt is nothing compared to what we did last night. How will I ever face him in court again?

How long can I stall in this bathroom? Days? Weeks? If I had a weapon, maybe years. I’m not walking out there, front wise. Oh, a towel. I could wrap myself in a towel. That’s it!

Grabbing one of Harm’s towels, gray, fluffy and very big (well it figures he’d have big towels, he’s a big guy) I wrap it around me and walk calmly back into the bedroom. Only to be confronted by a very perplexed Harm.

“Mac???”

Oh damn. He doesn’t remember. How could he not? What do I do now? (Running as fast as possible from the scene of the crime comes to mind.)

“Mac??? Is that really you??”

OK, that tears it. Now who else looks like me? Whoops, there is that whole weird Diane thing, but surely he’s not confusing me with her. Oh, maybe he is. If he is, I think I’m gonna die.

“Harm, yes, it’s me.”

“Oh, good. Get back in bed,” he mumbles just barely coherently.

That’s it!?! We make love, sleep together finally after all these years and all he can say is ‘get back in bed’! I’m gonna kill him.

“WHAT?”

That wakes him up a bit. He blinks in this disarming way. He rubs his eyes like a little boy. I’m falling in love again. Deeper.

“Mac, come to bed, I sleep better when you’re in bed with me and I don’t want to get up yet.”

“How can you know how you sleep with me since we’ve never slept together before?”

“Sure we have. In the Appalachians, in Afghangastan, in Russia. Now get back in bed, please.”

Dropping the towel, which opens his eyes just a bit more I’m thankful to see, I get back in bed. “Well, we’ve slept together, but we’d never slept together.” I think I sounded bashful.

He draws me close. Oh, I’ve never felt this secure, this safe, this protected. These arms that have done so much for me for years...I never knew their true power. I’m never getting out of this bed. And neither is he. We won’t call it a hostage crisis. More like a need finally fulfilled.

“Yeah, that’s too bad,” he says, drawing little figure 8’s on my back. “Why didn’t we?”
Give me a break. Mr. Regulations is asking why we haven’t had sex before now? My face must have betrayed my thoughts.

“Ok, ok. I know. But remember, time’s linear. Once you pass a momentous event, it can’t be taken back.”

I nod.

“So, we’ve passed this event. I’d like to think we’ll revisit it very often. And by the way, you are never, ever going to pass this kind of event with anyone else. I’m not either. You’re mine. I’m yours. Understood?”

A declaration? A stated intention? You mean I don’t need to get him to get that tattoo?

“What exactly do you mean, Harm?” No more misunderstandings. No more Sydney's!

“Well, I don’t have a ring this morning, but I’d sure like it if you considered yourself my fiancé.”

I don’t think I’ve gulped in the last 20 years and now I’m gonna do it again for the second time in a day. “Yes.”

“Good,” he says as he throws his left arm and leg over me. “This OK?”

“Yes, I’d have to say that this is just wonderful.”

“Great, now let’s sleep a little more then I’ll make you pancakes.”

Maybe I can run to the store for some bacon, too. Humm, but then again, I may never need more than what I have right here.


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