Title: Work In Progress
Author: Hollyjp
Classification: Harm/Mac relationship building
Spoilers: Any thing and everything from Season 9 episodes and spoilers as well as episodes from past seasons.
Standard Disclaimer: JAG is the property of Bellisario Productions, CBS, and Paramount. I have borrowed their characters for entertainment purposes only. No monetary gain will result from their appearance in my story.
WORK IN PROGRESS
Belgium Hotel Room
February 2004
Silence filled the room as Bud shut the door to get ready to return to the states. Commander Harmon Rabb and Lt. Colonel Sarah Mackenzie stared at the door in shock and then slowly looked at each other. Anyone looking at them could see the desire and need that burned in their eyes for the other. But they were alone and neither could see it. They both felt the pain and the need for comfort and fear for their godson, but they couldn’t share it with the one person that would understand the most.
Harm walked quickly to the phone that Mac had hung up not ten minutes ago when she had called Clayton Webb. He punched in the numbers that would connect him to the one person that he trusted to make him feel grounded again.
“Hello?”
“Mattie? How are you?”
“Harm? I’m fine...are you alright?”
“Yes...”
“You sound funny.”
“”I’m fine now that I hear your voice...Did you hear that little AJ is missing?”
“Missing? What happened?”
“Don’t know. Bud’s on his way home. It made me want to check on you.”
“I’m fine. You do sound lonely...Isn’t Mac with you?”
“Yes. She’s right here as a matter of fact. Why?”
“I just don’t want you to be alone. Harm, I’m going to call Harriet and see if I can watch the baby so she can go look for little AJ. Is that okay?”
“Yeah, Mattie. That’s very okay...don’t be upset with her if she declines your offer. I’m sure she won’t want him out of her sight.”
“Then I can go with her maybe.”
“You’re a pretty smart kid, Miss Grace.”
“Thank you. Don’t worry about me Harm. Jen is with me and I can take care of myself.”
“I know...but I worry anyway. A fa...” Harm stopped himself from saying father and changed it to, “a guardian’s prerogative.”
“Can I talk to Mac?”
“Sure. I’ll talk to you soon, kiddo. Call if you need me.”
“I will.”
Harm handed the phone to Mac. “She wants to talk to you.”
Mac took the phone as she watched Harm get up and pace around the hotel room. “Hi Mattie.”
“Hey Mac...he sounds lonely and sad.”
“The news about AJ missing is weighing on all of us...and you know Harm.”
“Yeah...he wants to be here to fix it and can’t so he’s going to worry himself to death over me.”
“Yes, but he knows you’re not alone.”
“Mac, would you do something for me?”
“If I can.”
“Will you give Harm a hug for me, please?”
“Mattie I don’t know...”
“Please Mac. He may be bigger then life and a hero about lots of stuff, but he hurts like you and me. He gets lonely and he needs to know someone cares. Remember when I had to tell him it was okay to hug me?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t have to anymore. We hug to show how much we care. It’s easier then saying words when you can hardly talk ‘cause you’re choked up with tears.”
“Still Mattie, I don’t think...”
“...but Mac you’re there with him and I’m not. Tell him its from me. Please?” Mattie pleaded her case to Mac.
“Alright...I’ll try. You know, you’re a pretty intuitive kid...”
“Thanks Mac. Take care of him for me.” Mattie hung up leave Mac looking at the phone in her hand.
Harm saw her and asked, “What was that all about?”
“Mattie asked me to take care of you for her. She asked ne to give you a hug for her.”
“What? You don’t have to do that Mac...she’s sweet to think of it though.” Harm said as Mac got up from the couch and walked toward him. She lifted her arms preparing to deliver the hug, but Harm changed direction and walked away from her. “Really, Mac...the thought was nice, but you don’t have to...”
“But Harm I promised...I try to keep my promises too you know.” Mac had lowered her arms part way, still prepared to deliver the promised hug. She stood in her bare feet and uniform skirt and blouse and watched him pace. His earlier disturbing thoughts provoked by the woman’s words on the stand and his own need to protect was at odds with the mighty fighter pilot he had been at times during his career. Mac watched his face as he struggled with a reality of war that had a name and a family. Something that had suddenly become of utmost importance to Harm, in his own way. Mac decided to test her theory.
“Harm, when did you last talk to your mother and Frank?”
“What? Last weekend...why?”
“And the time before that?”
“Mac, what does my talking to my parents have to do with any of this other stuff?”
“Just testing a theory.”
“Alright, I’ll bite...What theory is that?”
“That being responsible for Mattie is making you a better son - a better human being.”
“To hear you tell it this past year or so, I’ve been pretty low in the human worth sector and as a son. I’m surprised you went to bat for me in court and with Mattie’s father...or were you hoping I’d fail so you could announce to the world that you were so right to decide we’d never work considering I turned out to be a failure in the parenting department after all?” Harm wasn’t sarcastic or angry as he spoke. His tone was reflective and almost matter of fact.
Mac looked at him in disbelief. One part of her want to yell at him for being a jerk, while the other part of her wanted to take him in her arms and apologize for having been a jerk. They stood in silence staring at each other deciding what to do or say next.
Harm broke the silence first. “I’m sorry Mac. Once again I seem to take my frustrations out on you. The way I see it, we’ve both made some poor decisions and made some ill-advised comments to each other. I guess I deserve the verbal lashings you’ve given me and all I can do is apologize for lashing back at you. Harriet would say I was acting out like little AJ and I guess she’s right.”
“I’m sorry too, Harm. I know you’ve got a lot on your mind with this case and now with our godson missing. I know you want to be there, not only to look for him but to comfort Harriet and Bud.”
“Mattie’s going to offer to go over and help Harriet with the baby.”
“That’s great.”
“I told her not to be upset if Harriet turned her down.”
“You’re right. She probably won’t trust anyone with Jimmy now...Harm, about calling your parents?”
“Yeah?”
“I wasn’t try to rag on you...I just thought maybe you were more into calling them now that Mattie’s with you...and I was right, wasn’t I?”
“Yeah...I had told her I had difference with Frank and my mother over the years, but that it’s worth working things out. I had to show her that weekly contact didn’t have to be a big deal, but was a nice way to stay in touch and it made you feel good. So every weekend, we call my parents and her father.”
“Seems like a good idea...Harm, ‘most anything you put your mind to you do a good job at...you are an intelligent man and you care about people. I never thought you were a bad person. You can be frustrating as hell, but according to you, so can I.”
“According to a lot of people, Mac...” Harm smiled and she knew he was trying to lighten up the situation. “The way I look at it Mac, I’m a work in progress. I may not change easily, but I can change...with the right motivation.”
“And what would that motivation be?”
“I guess that’s the big question, isn’t it?”
“Harm, maybe you don’t need to change that much. I mean you wouldn’t be Harmon Rabb Junior if you didn’t do the things you do. Even the Admiral admitted that. Maybe we need to change the way we deal with you and then the things that drive us crazy won’t be as difficult to cope with.”
“Another interesting theory, Mac. Can you give me an example?”
“Sure. Let me think a minute, okay?”
“Take your time.” Harm watched as a frown touched Mac’s beautiful face. Immediately he was on alert.
“Harm, while I’m thinking, could you hug me...this thing with little AJ is getting to me and I thought I could push it aside, but...”
“Sure, Mac.” Harm stepped toward her as she wrapped her arms around his waist and he held her to him and placed his face against his head. After a few minutes, Mac moved and Harm released her. She stepped bak and smiled at him.
“There you go! A perfect example. You wouldn’t let me hug you for Mattie, but you hugged me when I asked...not thinking that I could hug you back at the same time.”
“Mac, that’s not fair...”
“Sure it is Harm. You were so busy thinking about what your actions would do for someone else, that you didn’t even think about the consequences or benefits for you.”
“Alright Einstein...you’ve got me there. Now am I going to have to watch your every move for reverse psychology or something?”
“Maybe...but that’s the beauty of how this works on you because you are who you are...you stop thinking about you when you are thinking about someone else. Maybe I’m the work in progress.”
“Can we both agree that we have things we could work on and that in the process maybe we can communicate better?”
“I’d really like that, Harm.”
“Me, too Mac. Me too.”
“Shall we get back to work on this case?”
“Yeah...I doubt I’ll sleep much until we hear from Bud,” Harm commented.
“Well, we should try to get some rest. We can’t let the SecNav down either.”
“Good point, Mac.”
Together they returned to the table to resume their research for tomorrow’s session. Somehow what had started out as another confrontation had mended more rifts then either had realized. They seemed to have realized that every aspect of their relationship was still a work in progress...one that they would continue to explore as they continued to heal and grow as people.
The End