Title: BLOWN AWAY
Author: Holly
Spoilers: Everything up through Season 8; Maybe some Season 9 spoilers
Disclaimer: JAG is the property of Bellisario Productions, CBS, and Paramount. I have borrowed their characters for entertainment purposes only. No monetary gain will result from their appearance in my story.
Ratings: G
Author’s Notes: During one of the long spells this summer without JAG I was listening to a song from Jo Dee Messina’s Greatest Hits CD called You Belong In The Sun (written by Marcia Ramirez, Writer X; on Curb Records). I suddenly had these images of Harm and Mac and decided that if Mac heard the song, she would think of Harm, too. So my mind started trying to weave the story behind how the song would connect to them.
Hospital in South America
Lieutenant Colonel Sarah Mackenzie sat curled up in the chair next to the hospital bed with her chin resting on her arms which were resting on her jean-covered knees. Her shoes lay on the floor near her chair. Her long pale pink sweater was soft and comfortable as she huddled in it while she stared at the man in the hospital bed. She waited and watched for some sign that he was regaining consciousness. There was nothing visible that would identify her as a Marine officer and her dark watery eyes certainly were not showing signs of steel determination and strength. In fact, the only thing someone could conclude looking at the dark haired dark eyed woman, was that the man she loved was in bad shape and she was devastated by the news the doctors had given her. There was a chance that he wouldn’t recover. He may not wake up and in fact could slip away in his sleep at any time. As she sat there watching and waiting, a song came on the radio that the doctors and nurses had encouraged her to play saying that sometimes music helped to lure people back. The words to the song registered, perhaps because they were in English as opposed to the ones mostly in Spanish that had been playing. She listened to it intently and thought about how it fit the situation with Harm. Lost in thought she didn’t hear the door open or the man enter and approach her as she sat in the chair willing the man in the bed to wake up. His hand on her shoulder made her jump and she looked up at him and tried to smile. She covered his hand where it rested on her shoulder knowing that he was trying to bring her comfort.
“How is he?”
“No change…I guess that could be considered good news. The doctor said that he could slip away in his sleep but if he wakes up then his chances for making it improve dramatically.”
“Do you want me to sit with him so you can take a break, stretch your legs, loosen your muscles, get a bite to eat?”
“I’m fine…really…I had a break about an hour ago when the doctors came in. Gunny’s coming by in a little while with our bags. The doctor said I can stay here until…” Mac gulped at the thought of the possibilities the doctor had outlined.
“…Until he wakes up. You need to keep positive thoughts here.”
“Yeah…until he can wake up and can travel home. The admiral told me he knows it wouldn’t be worth ordering me home, so he won’t but he’s also asked me to keep him updated. Gunny’s been helpful with that as well.”
“Gunny’s a good man…that’s why I had him assigned to work this case with us.”
“He saved all of us this time, Clay.”
“Yeah…how Gunny had the strength left not only to go back and find you and Harm after your crash, but the strength to carry Harm close to three miles to get you out of there and back to safety…it baffles me.”
“If Harm wakes up, it will be because of Gunny’s refusal to give up.”
“Yeah, that man doesn’t only refuse to leave a Marine behind, he won’t leave anyone behind!”
“Thank God for that…” Mac whispered. She and Clay talked a little longer before he told her he was leaving to return to the states.
“Once I get there I’ll be checking into the hospital for a complete physical and perhaps some plastic surgery to repair some of the scars that I’ll have…make them a little less scary at least.”
“Clay, I’m sorry…I didn’t even think to ask you how you were feeling. You look so much better then you did three days ago when I last saw you.”
“Don’t worry about it Mac. You have enough to worry about with Harm. Just stay positive and I think it will turn out fine.” Clay leaned down to kiss her cheek this time and she patted the hand he placed on her shoulder.
Clay would always be a good friend to her and Harm but they both knew that Clay felt more. After years of living in limbo with their feelings, Mac didn’t want to keep Clay in that kind of hell and so she made sure that he had not misunderstood her kiss before Gunny had left to get him some medical help.
“Clay, I hope you understand that there was nothing to the kiss I gave you besides gratitude and friendship.”
“Yeah, I kind of figured as much. I was in pain and I know I was talking more then I should have been. I have to admit that I was surprised that you kissed me at all.”
“Well it shut you up…and unfortunately I think it shut Harm up as well. I hope he can hear me now and knows that there is nothing keeping us apart if that’s what he wants. Again, I don’t mean to hurt you Clay, but your declaration took me by surprise and I just wanted you to get some medical help. I figured that would do it.”
“Take care Mac. Gunny will be here and can help you with whatever you need. I’ll see you both when you get back to the states.” Clay’s nod included Harm before he turned and walked away. He didn’t look back as he walked out of the room and headed back to America to have his own medical needs taken care of. The doctor’s here had bandaged his ribs, given him an IV for fluids and a pain killer and put ice packs on his face and stitched up some of the gashes on him. He was able to get around enough to get himself back to the states and to better medical help then he could get here.
After Clay left, Mac dozed off in the chair. She woke up two hours later when Gunny came by and brought their bags for them.
“Any change Ma’am?” Gunny asked.
“No…I guess we can be thankful that he hasn’t gotten worse.”
“Keep thinking positive Ma’am,”
“Clay said the same thing.”
“I spoke to the Admiral again. He wants to be notified of any changes and said that if you want him down here to let him know.”
“Thanks Gunny, but for now I’m fine. I appreciate you being here and taking care of business for us. When do you talk to the Admiral again?”
“Tomorrow unless there is any change. Did you know that the Commander resigned his commission to come after you? ”
“What did you say?”
“I had a feeling he hadn’t told you. He mentioned it to me, but then Admiral Chegwidden told me himself.”
“What on earth for?”
“He wanted the Admiral to send him down here TAD, but he couldn’t do it and denied the Commander’s request. Then he asked the Admiral to give him leave so he could come down and the Admiral denied him again, so he resigned his commission.”
“Thanks for telling me Gunny. Get some rest…you need to take care of yourself after all the rescues and caretaking you’ve been doing for us.”
“Yes, Ma’am…I’ll see you in the morning before I call the Admiral. You have my number if you need me?”
“Yes, thank you Gunny. G’night.” Mac dismissed him so that she could be alone again with Harm to process this new information.
Mac stood up and stretched and walked closer to the bed. She sat on the side of the bed and took Harm’s hand in hers, letting her thumb rub the back of his hand. The song she had heard earlier in the day came on again. Slowly and silently the tears overflowed trickling down her face as she heard the words again.
“You can spread your wings and fly; You can try to go so high- in the sky; That you’ll never come down…”
“Please Harm; you’ve got to come back…listen to the words of this song, Flyboy…”
“You can follow every dream; But when it seems-everything you believe; Never works out; Remember I’m right here for you…”
“Harm I know that I never gave you a chance to tell me what you wanted to say before I left to come down here. I know that wasn’t fair and I shouldn’t have blown you off just to try and pay you back for the way you blew me off when you returned to active flight duty. I never wanted you to give up the Navy for me. You belong to your country and will always be a pilot…that’s part of what makes you ‘you’…I’ve learned my lesson, Harm…I need you and you need me. Please…”
“When everything comes undone; You Belong to me; You belong in the sun; Let it shine – let it shine…”
“Please Harm…you’ve got to come back to give us a chance…to let our future children have a chance.”
“You can wander far away- Everyday I will pray-That you’re safe; Till I see you again…”
“I don’t know for sure if you still want there to be an ‘us’ but I have to believe you do if you threw everything away to come after me. I know that I’ve followed you to places all over the world because I felt that I could make a difference in whether or not you were safe. I think you’ve done the same for me even though you weren’t sure if I still cared for you or not after the way I left…”
“When you feel that know one cares; You’re scared- I’ll be there- This I swear; Right to the end…”
“Don’t let this be the end, Harm. We have a lot of living left to do.”
“I’ll always be right here for you; No matter what you’ve done; You Belong to me; You belong in the sun; Let it shine – let it shine…”
“Harm, please fight for us the way you fight for truth…don’t give up…don’t throw us away before we’ve been able to explore us. I’m sure the Admiral will take you back…”
“The clouds move in-but they won’t stay; ‘Cause when they get a load of you; They’re gonna be blown away.”
“Open your eyes and give everyone that famous aviator smile. You’ll knock the stockings off every nurse in this place and I’ll know you are getting better and you’ll be able to come home with me. I love you Harm…I love you…” Mac careful stretched out on the bed beside Harm and rested her head on his chest. She could hear his heart beating beneath her ear. She wiped her tears with one hand and then wrapped her arm around him. She kept talking to him sometimes about things they had done or scene and sometimes just sharing her thoughts with him. Eventually she fell asleep on the bed beside him.
When the nurses came in to check on him at the change of shift around midnight, they saw them together and quietly checked the monitors and his IV without disturbing them. As they stepped out of the room, the two nurses closed the door and the discussed the situation.
“She hasn’t left his side for long since she came in. The doctor said she could stay and thought it was his best chance of surviving. I’m not sure he meant for her to sleep on the bed but I can’t see that it will hurt anything.”
“I guess they’ve both been through a lot. What about the other man that was brought in the day before they came in?”
“He went home today. He’s going to see his own doctor when he gets back to the states. He certainly looked better then he did when they brought him in.”
“Well if he can walk out of here after just three days, then this guy ought to be two-stepping out of here soon. I mean, there was hardly a mark on him. She has more scrapes and cuts then he does.”
“She’s been through a lot. I think that’s why the doctor isn’t fighting her about staying. Apparently she was there when the other guy got tortured, and this guy came into rescue them. Somehow they ended up in an airplane that crashed and she walked away and he banged his head and bruised some internal organs, but had rather mild injuries. The doctor said that it’s almost like his will to live is gone and that with the head injury anything can happen.”
“Shame if he doesn’t make it…he’s so gorgeous and she obviously is madly in love with him,” the night nurse commented. The two walked away continuing their rounds.
The sun was coming up when Mac felt something tightening around her. She opened her eyes and remembering where she was realization of what was tightening around her dawned and made her smile.
“Harm? Can you hear me? Harm, its Mac.” Carefully lifting her head to watch his face she ignored the discomfort his arms closing tightly around her were causing. She watched as his eye-lids fluttered but still didn’t open. She saw his lips move and strained to hear what he was trying to say.
“Love…you…too…” Slowly his grip on her lessened and she was able to sit up.
“Harm can you hear me?”
Mac saw his eye lids flutter again and she thought he said yes. Mac picked up his hand in both of hers.
“Harm, can you squeeze my hand?”
She felt it, not as strong as she would have liked, but definitely a squeeze.
“Thank God…” It was a small sign she knew but a positive one.
“Don’t try to talk yet. Squeeze my hand once for yes and twice for no, okay?”
One squeeze and nothing more.
“Good. Okay Harm, do you want some ice chips?”
Again one squeeze.
“Here…” carefully she took the cup of ice that one of the nurses must have brought during the night and took one of the bigger pieces that were left in her fingers and rubbed it against his lips. When that one was gone she found another and repeated it.
“Mac…” his voice was a little louder and his eyes opened just enough so that Mac could see the blue-green eyes looking back at her. He whispered, “You okay?”
“I am now…Don’t try to talk yet Harm.” Mac reached over and pressed the button to call the nurses. Within minutes they responded.
“What do we have here?” they asked as they came in to the room and found Mac sitting beside Harm smiling.
“He’s awake.”
“I’ll go call the doctor,” the second nurse said in English with very little accent.
“How are you doing, sir? Can you tell me where you are?”
“Hospital…” the answer was not much more then a whisper.
“And do you know who this is with you?”
“Mac…”
The nurse glanced up and then relaxed when she saw the woman smiling telling her that indeed she did go by that masculine name.
“I’m Sarah Mackenzie, Mac for short to most of my friends,” she explained when she noticed the nurse’s hesitation.
“Mac...how’s Clay?”
“He’s
well enough to travel home and get some medical attention from his
own doctor. He walked out of here on his own steam after he checked
on you.”
“Gunny?”
“He’s fine. He’ll be by later. Should he be talking?” Mac asked the nurse.
“It shouldn’t be a problem…his vocal chords are probably dry and a bit rusty from not being used for the last few days. As long as he talks softly and keeps his throat moist it might even help him.”
“Sorry Mac can’t keep me quiet that way.” Harm grinned weakly at Mac, proud of himself for being able to make a joke.
The doctor entered and demanded that everyone leave so he could examine the patient. Mac reluctantly left, but stepped from the room as instructed. While she waited she used the time to go to the restroom. She wandered to the end of the hall and gazed out the window. She was just walking to the other end of the hall when the doctor came out of the room.
“Doctor, how is he?”
“He is doing well, Ma’am. As a matter of fact, if he continues to improve you may travel back to the states tomorrow or the next day at the latest. You have been good medicine for him. He doesn’t appear to have any significant memory loss and is not reporting a headache. He said he hadn’t slept much prior to the accident and so what may have appeared much like a coma, may have actually been a deep exhausted sleep. We may never know.”
“Thank you doctor…” Mac shook his hand and then returned to Harm’s room.
She stood silently at the foot of his bed and watched him. His eyes were closed and she thought he had gone back to sleep, but when she sighed his eyes opened and he smiled.
“Mac? Come talk to me.” Harm raised his hand slightly extending his fingers toward her.
“What do you want me to talk about Harm?” Mac asked as she carefully sat on the edge of the bed next to him.
“I don’t care…I just like hearing your voice. The doctor said that you sat hear talking to me all the while I was out. What kinds of things did you talk to me about?”
“I’m not sure you want to know all of what I said to you.”
“Why?”
“I guess I figured since you wouldn’t be running away from me I’d give you a piece of my mind.”
“I don’t remember that, but I think I remember some things you said.”
“Like what?”
“Well, did you tell me to knock their stockings off with my smile?”
“Um, yeah, I think I did say something like that…” Mac blushed. “What else did you hear?”
“A song …”
“Yeah, I heard this song on the radio in English a few times and it really made me think of you. You remember that?”
“Something about belonging in the sun and let it shine…and I’ll be there for you…”
“Yeah, they seem to play it a lot. Maybe they’ll play it again soon.”
“Mac?”
“Did you tell me I had a lot to live for?”
“Yes.”
“You know I resigned from the Navy?”
“Yes, but the admiral will take you back, I’m sure of it.”
“I’m not sure I want to go back Mac.”
“Why?”
“Did you tell me you loved me?”
Sarah Mackenzie’s heart stopped for a split second before it began pounding double time in her chest. She gulped before putting it all out on the line.
“I did.”
“Do you really?”
“Yes.”
“Tell
me now I’m awake, please?”
“I do love you.”
“Good, because I love you and that’s why I won’t go back into the Navy.”
“Harm…you can’t mean it.”
“I do. This un-complicates things so much. With me out of the Navy, you can be promoted and stay at JAG,” he paused for an ice chip. “We can explore our relationship and let it go where we want it to without worrying about fraternization charges and being in the same chain of command.” Another ice chip was needed before he could continue. “The admiral won’t have to stick his neck out for me anymore, and maybe I can begin to let go and see what life is about without having to be obsessive over rules and regulations. Can’t say I’ll miss the polyester whites!” He grinned at Mac after his lengthy speech. Mac just stared at him, nit sure she could believe what he was saying.
“Harm, I don’t want you to leave for me…”
“I’m not…for us maybe…but there are other options for me. Kershaw has offered me a job with CIA and I could always set up my own investigative service or law office eventually. But right now I want to focus my energy on showing you that I love you and have for years – even if I didn’t know how to tell you or show you. I want you to be my obsession for a change. You deserve to have your chance in the sun too you know - at JAG and in life.”
Mac lay down next to Harm and as she snuggled up to him, the song came on the radio again. They didn’t talk this time, they listened. They both knew that to have their place in the sun, they needed to be together. They held on to each other. Neither one saw the nurses checking in on their patient or the smiles they exchanged.
The nurses however, looked in on to people with smiling faces wrapped up in each other and lost in the words of a song. Neither nurse lost her stockings when they saw his smile, but both wished they could have been the woman in the pink sweater and tight jeans for just a few minutes so they could appreciate the long arms and legs as well as the warm body that held her close. As they closed the door on the two people that had found the sun in the other they were blown away by their love.
THE END
You Belong In The Sun
(Marcia Ramirez, Writer X; on Curb Records)
Sung by Jo Dee Messina
You can spread your wings and fly
You can try to go so high- in the sky
That you’ll never come down
You can follow every dream
Buy when it seems-everything you believe
Never works out
Remember I’m right here for you
When everything comes undone
You Belong to me
You belong in the sun
(Let it shine – let it shine)
You can wander far away-
Everyday I will pray-That you’re safe
Till I see you again
When you feel that know one cares
You’re scared- I’ll be there- This I swear
Right to the end.
I’ll always be right here for you
No matter what you’ve done
You Belong to me
You belong in the sun
(Let it shine – let it shine)
The clouds move in-but they won’t stay
‘Cause when they get a load of you
They’re gonna be blown away.