Title: Contemplation
Author: Hollyjp
Summary: Harm’s been thinking a lot lately; even more since the incident with Sturgis on the USS Kennedy. Where will the introspection take him?
Spoilers: Everything through Straits of Malacca, some spoilers, and of course my own speculation and creativity.
Disclaimer: JAG is the property of Bellisario Productions, CBS, and Paramount. I have borrowed their characters for entertainment purposes only. No monetary gain will result from their appearance in my story.
Author’s Note: I may have stretched the timeline from what we’ve seen. I did it because it gives this piece more credibility and because it looked more spring like in this episode then it does in my world right now (Four below zero and lots of snow outside my door!)
Contemplation
CHAPTER 1
Saturday 1140 Local
On the Highway
Washington DC Area
The blare of the horn from the on-coming car alerted Commander Harmon Rabb Junior that he had better pay attention. He had managed to barely swerve out of the way and back in to his own line of traffic nearly missing a head-on collision.
“Come on Rabb, pay attention! What the hell is the matter with you?” he thought as he drove away from Bud and Harriet’s house and headed for Fentress, Virginia and the auxiliary Naval air base. They were having him fly down to Whiting Airfield in Florida to assess the most recent round of damages brought on by Mother Nature.
Normally this assignment was right up his ally. He was being allowed to fly himself down there and would be spending at least the next week working with and around pilots and airplanes of all kinds. The only thing that would have made it better was if he and Mac were working the same case. And therein seemed to lay his problem. He and Mac never worked together any more. If they worked a case together, it was usually on opposing sides.
They had been sent to Afghanistan on an investigation and worked a trial together but nothing since then. It seemed that Mac had been right - Creswell was separating them. It seemed that Harm was gone from JAG more then he was there and when he was home, Mac was being sent away. Thank God they had cell phones and email. It was the only way they had been able to communicate in over a month.
Harm thought about his quick visit with Bud. He never even saw the babies just left the teddy bears that he and Mac had picked out together when they had been shopping one day as a great idea for the twins. They had waited until they were born and then while Mac was away, he had gone to buy one boy and one girl bear for them to give together. Mac had been thrilled he had remembered. Of course they hadn’t seen each other since, so Mac had picked out two outfits when she was home to give the babies from them when they were born. Harm therefore delivered the bears before he left town again. He had only been back a few days, arriving the day Mac was sent away. They had left each other messages again.
He hated not seeing her. Instead of them being able to spend time together and draw closer, they were being kept apart. Harm hated to admit it but their separation seemed to be by design...Creswell’s design.
Harm continued his drive to Fentress where he would change into flight gear and make the trip to Florida. The closer he got to the air field, the more focused he became. That was part of his training as an aviator and it kicked in now when he needed it the most. He promised himself he would continue with this process after he landed.
Monday 2115 Local
Bayou Efficiency Apartments
Pensacola, Florida
Harm dropped onto the bed in the temporary quarters they had arranged for him. The damage at Whiting had been extensive and the quarters severely damaged as well. The Navy had arranged with the owner of the efficiency apartments to use their space as temporary quarters. He had been working almost non-stop since he had arrived. The frenetic pace bothered him. He had first arrived here at his quarters on Sunday night after being given directions and a jeep to use. The hour drive from Whiting to here had been long given his exhausted state. They had returned to Whiting this morning at 0800 to resume their work and had called it a day at 2000. They would resume tomorrow morning.
He picked up his cell phone and checked the voice mail. Nothing from Mac. He checked his email as well. Again nothing. Thinking he should get up and shower before getting some sleep he continued to lay where he was. He couldn’t stop thinking about Mac. She had told him that she didn’t like having this new guy assigned to her. He pushed all of her buttons. Although she was willing to work outside the box, she always kept one foot inside. She would find ways to get to the truth like he had done. That had earned them respect in each other’s eyes from day one. They would get angry with each other he admitted, and sometimes they allowed their rivalry with each other to get carried away. He smiled thinking of the sparks that flew between them when they rubbed each other the wrong way professionally speaking of course. He was still waiting and hoping to see what kind of sparks they created when they rubbed each other physically.
The ringing cell phone spurred him into action.
“Rabb.”
“Harm? Where are you?”
“Mac...I’m in Pensacola...where are you? How are you?”
“I’m okay. We’re headed home soon. We just landed in Hawaii and I decided to try you again. I really miss you,” Mac admitted to him.
“I miss you too. How things going with the new guy?” Harm asked.
“It’s a challenge. Harm, when are we going to see each other?” Mac asked. Harm heard something in her voice that he hadn’t heard before. He couldn’t quite place it.
“Mac are you alright?” Harm asked again.
“Yes...I just miss you.”
“I miss you too. I miss not working with you...not seeing you...not being able to tease you...” Harm smiled as he pictured her putting her hands on his hip and glaring at him just before she broke into a smile.
“I know...I miss that too. Harm?”
“Yes?”
“The next time we are in the same town, we have to find time to see each other...we have to talk.”
“I know, Mac. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I need to hash some things over with you.”
“Okay...” Mac’s voice took on an edge. Harm recognized it at once as she started to slide those protective walls into place.
“Don’t go there Mac...its nothing like that...don’t hide from me again...please.” Harm didn’t care that he was pleading with Mac not to shut him out again. It had taken to long to get her to open up again.
“I won’t Harm...but I need to retreat behind the walls until I am with you.”
“Vukovic that bad?”
“Harm, he makes you seem like a choirboy...he is disrespectful, underhanded, sleazy, and a manipulator. He gives me lip service saying he’ll do as I ask and then turns around and goes off on his own without telling anyone or letting me have a clue what he’s thinking. The worse part is, he keeps getting the job done and making me look bad.”
“Wow...I’d take him off your hands if I could.”
“I know Harm...I even asked Creswell to assign him to you. He told me you two were too much alike!”
“I’m sorry Mac...its bad enough you had to put up with me when I was his age. Sounds like you’re having to go through it all again.”
“Its worse this time...”
“Why?”
“Because its not you...because I’m responsible for him...because I feel like I can’t keep up with his twists and turns...because I don’t trust him.”
“But you learned to trust me?”
“Yes.”
“Give it time Mac...maybe he’s not so bad. Give yourself a chance to trust him too.”
“You know I can’t do that, Harm.”
“You could try?”
“I know...let’s talk about something else.”
“Okay...I got an email from Mattie the other day before I left. She wanted me to help her pick out her prom dress. She thinks if I like it then Kevin will too.” Harm told Mac with a smile.
“You mean she doesn’t realized that you’ll put her in a sack to protect her from guys like you were at Kevin’s age?”
“I think she does...she asked me which dress I thought I would like to see you in...she thought she would catch me off guard.”
“And what did you tell her?”
“Actually I think I did okay. There was one that was really low cut that I wanted to veto...although it would look stunning on you...” Harm smiled when he heard the little catch in her breath in his ear. “Then there was a red dress that had a high halter neck or something. Her arms would be bare...and her back. The other was a dark blue and had long sleeves and a scoop neck.”
“Did you go with the blue one?”
“No...the red. I thought it was daring enough to appeal to her yet it was modest too.”
“What did she say when you told her?”
“She couldn’t believe it...she thought I’d go for the blue one too,” Harm admitted as he tried to stifle a yawn.
“You sound tired. I’d better let you go.”
“Don’t do that...but I will say good-night. I hope we’re in town together again soon.”
“So do I Harm...so do I,” Mac whispered before saying good-night to him and disconnecting the call.
Harm set the phone down and went to take his shower. Hearing Mac’s voice was just what he had needed. Once in the shower the hot water relaxed him and he let his mind wander. When he had stopped at Bud and Harriet’s on Saturday he realized that he no longer felt like he was part of JAG anymore. He had not connected with the new Commanding Officer. He didn’t harbor any animosity toward Creswell as he might have if the accusations Sturgis had hurled at him on the USS Kennedy had rung true. He just felt like an outsider. The cases about age discrimination were beginning to hit a nerve. He was forty-one years old. As a civilian that wasn’t that old...but in the Navy if you weren’t in the right job, it could be an issue. Sometimes he felt that he was old and tired and the Navy wasn’t what he wanted anymore.
Shutting off the water, he toweled himself dry before pulling on a clean pair of boxers and crawling into the bed. He knew he was in great shape physically. Emotionally, he understood himself better then he had his entire life. He knew what he wanted...Sarah Mackenzie. She was the woman he wanted in his life more then any other. He knew he was ready to commit to her. He had made up his mind that next time they were together he was going to find a time and place so he could tell her. He wanted her to know what his intentions were in no uncertain terms. He was sick and tired of the ambiguity that surrounded them.
Beyond having Mac as his wife, he wanted to have a family. It broke his heart to admit that she might never be able to give birth to a child they had made together, but life with Mac and no children was more important to him then life without Mac and just children. He thought of Mattie.
He wouldn’t trade his time with Mattie for anything. He loved her, and they had a connection that would last a life time. Yet, even with Mattie in his life, he had been missing something. That something was Mac. He knew it as completely as he lived and breathed.
When they finally got home he wanted to tell her how he felt and what he wanted. Then he wanted to find out what she wanted...what directions she wanted her life to go. One thought he had been playing around with had him retiring from the Navy so that if she was reassigned, he could go with her.
He smiled to himself as he thought again how far off Sturgis had actually been by accusing him of wanting to be the JAG after the Admiral had retired. Harm would not let on, but his jealousy had been because he thought Mac had deserved to be interim JAG. He knew her medical condition and the fracas with Sadik was why the SecNav hadn’t appointed her, the same way he knew that his only being back at JAG a few months precluded any chances the SecNav could give him the nod.
Still, Harm’s objection to Sturgis serving as JAG didn’t come until after he had treated them like little children and had been condescending to each and everyone of them. Sturgis wanted to blame Harm for the lack of support from Bud and Mac, yet both of them had supported Sturgis to Harm at first and had defended Sturgis until he had patronized each of them by assigning them duties over cases and then been critical if anyone disagreed with him. He had made biting remarks to anyone that had questioned his directives. That was the part that had goaded Harm. Harm knew that he wasn’t cut out to be the JAG the same way he had known after one assignment on the bench that it wasn’t for him.
Another thought Harm had about his future if he were to leave the Navy involved running Grace Aviation with Tom and Mattie. He could be close enough to Mac if she stayed at JAG to be home at night. He could actually find a hangar closer to DC to keep ‘Sarah’ in and fly back and forth to Grace Aviation most days in her. Maybe he’d even think about trading in the Corvette and buying another plane...a Cessna perhaps that he could fly cross country in if he wanted to.
These were major decisions. He had made a mistake years ago when he had made a decision that would effect them both without talking it over with her first. He wouldn’t do it again. This time he would talk it over with her and see what she thought before he made a final, life altering decision. With that resolved in his mind, he closed his eyes and slept.
CHAPTER 2
Tuesday 1850 Local
Whiting Airfield
Florida
“Commander Rabb?”
“Yes.”
“I’m Captain Westerman. I’ve been hearing from my people that’s you’ve done an outstanding job leading this investigative team.”
“Thank you sir.”
“How much longer do you think it will be before you can wrap it up here?”
“Well sir, I think we can be done with the field work tomorrow. I plan to stay around to finish my written report and I should have that on your desk by Thursday morning.”
“Very well Commander. Commander Rabb, have you given any thought about leaving JAG and returning to an Air Command?”
“Yes sir.”
“If you need a recommendation let me know. You know airplanes and people. You are what I call a fair, hands-on, leader. You lead by example. The air wing could use your leadership.”
“Thank you sir. I’ll keep that in mind. I’m trying to decide if I’ll stay in beyond my twenty years or not.”
“What’s making it so hard to decide?”
“There’s more to consider then just me this time.”
“Ahhh...a woman...married?”
“Not yet sir. Her answer may make the difference to what I do.”
“You won’t be the first man that faced this dilemma. Do what you want to do...what will make you happy.” Captain Westerman told Harm.
“I agree sir.”
“Good luck, Commander. If you leave the Navy, the National Transportation Safety Board investigation unit could use your skills.”
Harm nodded. Another career option he could throw in the mix and see what Mac thought of it. He smiled. He really was ‘married’ to her already in so many ways. His cell phone chirped as he slid into the jeep he had been issued while he was here.
“Rabb.”
“Bad time for a call?” came the somewhat sultry voice of Sarah Mackenzie.
“Not at all. What’s up?” Harm asked as he leaned back in the seat to rest his back while they talked.
“Just wondering when you’ll be heading home?”
“Looks like Thursday morning. I should be at JAG by eleven hundred.” Harm heard her sigh on the other end. “I take it that means you’re heading out of town again.”
“Harm, I hate this! I want to see you. I need to talk to you. I need you...” her voice softened and trailed off.
“I need you too. When do you leave?” Harm asked dreading the answer.
“Tomorrow morning. I’m taking Vukovic and Mayfield to San Diego with me while I present on the latest Rules of Engagement. While we’re there I have to oversee them as they take a case. Something is up with those two Harm...and I don’t mean just friendship like what we had.”
“I’d thought you’d enjoy taking the lead on a command Marine...you know with your command presence and all,” Harm teased.
“I would if these two weren’t such a nightmare Harm. This is babysitting a couple of adolescent brats not training investigative JAG lawyers!” Mac’s voice rose in frustration.
“There’s something more to this isn’t there?” Harm asked. He was met with silence on the line. “Tell me...please Mac,” Harm couldn’t stop himself from pleading with her as he sat up straight and gripped the steering wheel with one hand to prepare himself for what she was about to say.
“Do you remember what I said about Creswell separating us?”
“Yes.” Harm held his breath. He had felt this was coming too but hadn’t allowed himself to put it into words yet.
“He’s putting in for me to be transferred to JAG San Diego. This trip is a chance for them to see how I do first hand when it comes to supervision...they’ve also assigned me an assistant while I’m there...a Lt. Graves.”
“I know her. She’ll pitch in and help you...she loves a good murder mystery,” he chuckled.
“Great!”
“Mac, wait...she’s an okay kid. I think you’ll be able to work with her fine. She had mentioned wanting to transfer to Washington DC. Look at it as a chance to assess her too.” Harm’s suggestion calmed her for a minute.
“You’re aren’t saying much. Did you know this was coming?” Mac asked him.
“No. I thought it would be me that would be transferred. I didn’t expect it to be you Mac...not really.”
“I wish you had tipped me off.”
“I was going to...when we got together.”
“Was that what you wanted to talk to me about?” Mac asked.
“Partly. There’s so much more and I don’t want to talk about it over the phone. I need to see your face when we talk about things.”
“Things?”
“Yes.” Harm smiled. He knew she wasn’t really upset with him, in fact he was guessing that she was trying to flirt with him to get him to tell her more. He realized he liked it and had in fact missed it. Somehow they had lost that in their relationship. He was encouraged by the fact she was trying to inject it back in.
“Okay...things - like you and me and how we’ll handle one of us being promoted or one of us being transferred. Things like that,” he smiled when he heard the disappointment in her voice.
“Oh...”
“Mac...I promise I won’t disappoint you when we have a face to face, whenever it is.”
“I know.”
“Take care and be careful on the west coast.”
“I will.”
“Mac, if you have some free time, my mother would love to have you drop by and say hello.”
“We’ll see.”
“If you go, tell her I sent my love, okay?”
“Okay. I’ll let you go for now, Harm. You be careful while I’m gone too.”
“I promise.” The air hung between them as if them both wanted to add something else, but thought better of it. At the last second, Harm added, “I love you.”
Mac had already disconnected by the time she realized what she had heard. She tried to call right back but only got the voice mail. She decided not to leave a message and hung up.
Harm had snapped shut the cell phone and started the jeep. He had even more to think about now. He made the drive back to his quarters and once there focused on the report he had been working on. Each night he added the new information and revised or corrected anything he had entered that needed to be adjusted. He did the same this evening.
2230 Local
Harm’s Quarters
Pensacola
Harm relaxed on the bed while he mind replayed the conversation between him and Mac earlier. There were so many variables to be considered. Mac had some rough spots in her file from her early years, but she had gotten past them and her record in recent years was top notch. His on the other hand had blemishes through out. The chances of him being promoted were negligible although he had skills that the Navy needed.
If he left the Navy, he wouldn’t have to worry about being sent away from Mac and not being able to control his schedule. For work he had many options. As a civilian he had many choices including: hanging out a shingle or join a firm and become a highly paid lawyer; help run Grave Aviation and crop dust, restore planes, and teach flying; become a private investigator; or work for the government as a NTSB investigator. If he stayed in the Navy he could train pilots; teach at the Academy; take a JAG billet somewhere else; find a billet with the SecNav or at the Pentagon; or even remain at JAG but he would lose the ability to schedule his own life.
The one thing Harm wanted was a future with Lt. Colonel Sarah Mackenzie. Anything else, like children, would be icing on their cake. He wanted her to be happy and have a career she would be proud of. He wanted to be their for her and support her. To do that he would have to leave the Navy...unless Mac could come up with a better solution.
Harm finally drifted off to sleep well after midnight dreaming of spending time with Mac. In the morning, he would need a cold shower.
Friday 1300 Local
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
Harm worked at his desk in his office. Mac empty office next door mocked him every time he looked up at it. There was no way that he could continue like this for much longer. They needed to talk. They needed to come to some decisions. He need her and wanted to hold her and show her how much he loved her. But Mac was out of town. Tomorrow he was taking a trip to Blacksburg so that Mattie could demonstrate her new found flying skills for him. He was interrupted by the phone on his desk ringing.
“Rabb.” Harm waited but he didn’t hear anything. “Hello? Is someone there?”
“Commander Rabb?”
“Yes? Who is this?”
“I’m sorry sir, this is Justine D’Angelo. I work at the trauma unit at Columbia Montgomery Hospital. Are you the legal guardian of Mathilda Grace Johnson?”
“Yes. Is she okay? What happened? Where’s her father?” Harm was frantic trying to find out the reason for the call. Although Mattie had returned to her father, Harm had been appointed as her guardian ad litem by the courts for a period of at least six months. As such Harm was listed on her emergency medical information card. Although he did not have physical custody they shared a bond that even her father knew couldn’t be broken.
“I’m sorry to inform you that she has been in an accident. I’m sorry sir, but it doesn’t look good. Tom Johnson asked that I have you come as soon as possible...excuse me...please hold sir.”
Harm ran his fingers through his hair and paced the length of the phone cord from his phone. He had a bad feeling about this.
“I’m sorry sir. It doesn’t look good.”
“What happened?” Harm demanded.
“It says she was in an airplane that crashed on the runway in Blacksburg.”
“How bad?”
“I’m not at liberty to disclose anymore information that this sir.”
“Of course. Thank you for calling.” Harm hung up the phone and quickly made his way to the General’s office. “Coates, I need to see the General. It’s an emergency.”
“Yes sir. “General Creswell?”
“Yes Petty Officer?”
“Commander Rabb would like a word with you sir...he said its an emergency.”
“Send him in.”
“Thank you General...I wouldn’t be here if this wasn’t important.”
“What do you need Rabb?” Creswell asked.
“I need to take some leave sir...the teenager that was my ward last year had been in an airplane crash. She’s in the trauma unit at Columbia Montgomery Hospital in Blacksburg sir.”
“Is this the young lady that stayed with the Petty Officer?”
“Yes sir.”
“Does she know about this Rabb?”
“No sir...not yet.”
“Petty Officer Coates, would join us please?”
“PO Coates reported as ordered sir.”
“Commander Rabb...”
“Jennifer, Mattie’s been hurt in an accident. I don’t have details yet...but she’s at the hospital in Blacksburg .” Harm watched Jennifer Coates fight to maintain her composure as he imparted the sketchy information he had.
“It must be bad if it was a plane crash, sir.”
“That’s what I thought too.”
“Commander Rabb, PO Coates, I am putting you both on leave for the remainder of the day and the weekend. Let me know how bad and if you need more time. Secure your stations and then go. I hope she’ll be okay.” Creswell watched them leave, knowing that he would be pretty torn up if it was his daughter injured and he couldn’t get to her side.
“Thank you sir.” Harm spoke for both of them before turning to leave. Jen stopped just outside the door.
“I can’t go.”
“Yes, Jen, he said we could. Come on...”
“No! Sir, I can’t go...I can’t do this again...wait in a hospital to hear bad news,” Jen cried shaking her head side to side.
“Jen, listen to me...you are in no shape to stay here. If you can’t face the hospital yet, fine...but go home. I’ll call you when I know something more.”
“Okay. Thank you, sir.”
“I understand, Coates...but I’ve got to go...talk to you later.” Harm rushed away with only one more glance back at Jen as she stood in the middle of the corridor, tears silently running down her face. Harm spotted Bud on his way out.
“Bud, keep an eye on Jen would you...Mattie’s been in a bad accident and Jen can’t deal with it right now.”
“I got it covered. Let us all know if there is something we can do,” Bud called after his mentor’s retreating back as he headed for the distraught woman who had once saved his own life.
1655 Local
Columbia Montgomery Hospital
Blacksburg, Virginia
Harm burst through the doors of the emergency entrance and stopped at the desk.
“I’m Commander Harmon Rabb. I was called and told my ward, Mathilda Grace Johnson had been brought in. How is she?”
“Yes, her father said we should expect you. Just a moment sir...They are working on her now.”
“Still? How bad is it?”
“I’m sorry sir, I don’t have that information. Let me direct you to the waiting room where her father is also and a doctor will be with you as soon as possible.”
Harm nodded his assent and listened as the nurse instructed him how to get to the correct waiting room. Once there, he found himself alone and he stared out the window waiting for word. He fought back the tears and squared his shoulders. He spent the time packing away any thoughts or emotions that might draw on his reserves. He needed to be there for Mattie. She had been there for him when he was feeling pretty low about himself. Her spunk and zest for life had kept him human. Her love and spirit had restored his hope and opened his heart.
Anyone that would have watched the tall naval commander at his silent vigil near the window would have never known the process going on in his head. They may have noticed the slight squaring of his physical form, or the tightness in his face. Most would have brushed it off simply as stress or worry. And in most people they would have been right. But not this time, with this man.
His silent contemplation was the way he shut down everything he had in him so he could deal with what must be done. Right now, in his head and in his heart, he was focusing on being Mattie’s strength. He would not let anyone give up on this girl. She had never given up on him and he would not allow anyone else to give up on her. She still had so much to offer - so much life to live.
Harm closed his eyes and pictured Mattie laughing and enjoying life. He absorbed the positive energy into his soul and tried to send those vibes to her. He had done the same thing when Bud had been critical. He tried to think what would make Mattie fight for her life if it was needed. For Bud it had been the need to hang on so he could tell Harriet he loved her and his son himself.
Harm was still struggling with the answer to that one when a distraught Tom Johnson returned to the waiting room.
“Harm, you made it. Have they come to tell us anything? How’s my little girl?” Tom asked frantically.
“I don’t know Tom. I haven’t heard a thing since I arrived here...” He looked at his watch and realized he had been waiting here well over an hour. “...over an hour ago. What happened Tom? Where did you go?”
“She was with her instructor on an early morning flight. They had just been given clearance to land and she had set it down like it was a feather on water - so smooth. They were taxiing toward the hangar when this other plane cut them off. Mattie had no place to go. It wasn’t her fault Harm.”
“Tom how bad was she hurt?”
“There was blood everywhere...they had to cut her out of the plane...they had her strapped to a board and wouldn’t let me near her...I don’t think she was conscious...I can’t loose her Harm!” Tom Johnson paced, cried and raged while they waited. He blamed himself for letting her fly; Harm for encouraging her; the instructor for not protecting her; the other pilot for being careless; the emergency crew for not getting there sooner; even her deceased mother for instilling her love of aviation in her daughter. Harm had heard enough.
“Tom, stop it! You’re wasting your energy. You should be focusing on her getting help. You’re wearing yourself down and when the time comes and she needs you, you’re not going to have anything to give her.” Harm towered over the smaller man as he blocked him into a corner and stopped the noise they he had been making.
Tom Johnson froze in place and let Harm’s words sink in. What Tom really wanted was a drink, but he knew that Harm had the ability to stop him from leaving. He also knew that if he walked away from his daughter now, that Harm would see to it that he never had another chance with the girl if she did make it. Slowly he relaxed and nodded that he understood. Harm walked away and returned to his silent vigil at the window. Tom sat on the sofa with his arms on his knees staring at the floor. Quietly they waited.
Time continued to pass in silence as the two men waited on news about the injured girl they both loved as a daughter. Nurses passing by noticed the contrast between these two men: the red-eyed man slumped on the sofa and the quiet still stoic man in uniform standing at the window.
CHAPTER 3
2138 Local
Columbia Montgomery Hospital
Blacksburg, Virginia
“I think that will do it for now,” said the trauma doctor as he set his instruments down and stripped off his gloves. “Family waiting for news still?”
“Yes sir.” Answered the nurse. “I believe it is both an adopted father and a biological father. Her ‘adopted’ father, Commander Rabb, said he was her guardian ad litem officially. The biological father, Tom Johnson, said that they were to be treated as equals.”
“Thank you. Let me know if she wakes up,” he said before leaving to speak to the two men. He stepped into the waiting room. “Mr. Johnson? Commander Rabb? I’m Dr. Kerr.”
“How is she?” Harm asked brushing off the niceties in his need to know.
“She’s hanging on. It’s not good. Her injuries are extensive. Frankly I was surprised she survived the surgery. We repaired as much damage as we could. Now it’s a matter of wait and see.”
“Wait and see? What are we waiting for?” Harm asked.
“For her to wake up from the coma, first of all,” the doctor said responding to Harm, while watching the anxious shaky man that stayed in the background. “We need to see if there is more damage to her spinal cord when the swelling goes down; we need to wait to assess what kind of lasting injuries will result from the head trauma...”
“Oh God!” Tom cried out as he heard the list of concerns from the doctor.
“She’ll make it.” Harm’s statement brought the doctor’s attention back to him.
“Commander, that girl has sustained a great deal of trauma. I think you need to be realistic in your expectations. We hope she will regain consciousness and we hope that she will live. Once we have those pieces in place we start looking at quality of life. Right now, my best guess is she will be paralyzed from the neck down.”
“Don’t you give up on her. You’d better be prepared to fight for her life because I won’t let anyone around her that’s not going to do that,” Harm spoke through gritted teeth to make his point.
“I’ll fight for her Commander, but you need to be realistic in what you could be fighting for.” The two men stared each other down. Dr. Kerr was the first to look away. “She’s on a respirator and monitors in the ICU surgical recovery wing. Once they have her settled there, you can go in to see her as long as you don’t interfere with the staff trying to do their work.”
“Understood.” Harm watched the doctor walk away.
He turned back to Tom Johnson. The man was a basket case. He sat on the couch rocking and murmuring over and over, ‘my little girl...my little girl’ as he cried.
“Get it together, Tom. This isn’t going to help Mattie.”
“I can’t Harm...I can’t go in there and be cheery and hopeful. I’ve lost my wife and now my daughter...”
“You haven’t lost her yet. She’s still alive. She made it through surgery. Think positive. Don’t give up!” Harm wanted to shake the man. In that moment, Harm regretted the work he had put in to reunite Mattie and her father. The man didn’t deserve Mattie. He pushed the feeling away immediately. It was counter productive. He needed his energy focused on the positive for Mattie.
It was after midnight when they were finally allowed in to see Mattie for the first time. The nurse came to get them and showed them to her room, cautioning them that she would be hooked up to a lot of machines and that there was a lot of swelling. With a deep breath to shore up his resolved, Harm stepped into the room and to Mattie’s side. The head of her bed was raised and her neck was in a brace. His heart shattered to see how badly she was hurt. He spotted the one hand that was free of tubes and wires and took it in his. He lifted it to his lips and kissed it.
“Mattie, it’s Harm...Your Dad and I are right here. You rest and let your body heal. Don’t worry about a thing. We’ll get through this Mattie. Your job is to hang on and give your body time to heal.” Harm sat there caressing her fragile hand in his. He turned once to see that Tom Johnson had left the room. He didn’t have time or energy to worry about the man just yet. He was focused on Mattie.
0050 Local
Hospital Chapel
Blacksburg Virginia
“Please God...let her join her mother. Let her escape this pain she must be in. I can’t cope with a crippled, retarded girl. If Mattie isn’t going to be my Mattie, my little girl again, take her to be with you and her mother. Please God...let her die.” Tom Johnson’s sobbing words never reached Harm’s ears but his fear that they would drove him from the hospital.
The staff came and went periodically checking Mattie and doing for her what need to be done. They didn’t bother Harm and he didn’t get in their way. Throughout the night he sat at her side, holding her hand and waiting for a sign that she was waking up. He talked to her. He told her stories about his early days at Annapolis. He told her about the shock of meeting Mac for the first time because she looked liked Diane. He told her about wanting to leave the Navy so that he could decide for himself how he would spend his time and when he would go out of town and who he could be with. He told Mattie that he was ready to ask Mac to marry him and he wanted her to be there for the wedding if Mac said yes. He coaxed Mattie to give him a sign that she could hear him. He suggested that she open her eyes and one blink could be yes and two would be no. Or she could squeeze his hand.
The nurses talked about the tall naval Commander that sat at the girl’s bedside and willed her to live. They told the new staff at change of shift about the situation.
“What ever you do, do not let on to that man that you have any doubts about her ability to pull through this. The doctor made that explicitly clear after meeting with him. The girl’s real father was around for a while but he left sometime after one this morning. Haven’t seen him since, so maybe they agreed to take turns and he’ll be along later. His name is Tom Johnson. Commander Rabb was Mattie’s foster father for a year and Mr. Johnson said that he was to be treated the same as he would be. He even signed papers giving Commander Rabb authority to make decisions on Mattie’s behalf.”
“Thank you. Commander Rabb interfere in anyway with you taking care of, what’s her name...Mattie?”
“Mattie, yes...interfere? No...he’s stayed out of the way. We haven’t had to ask him to move or anything. He hasn’t asked us questions. He just sits there and talks to her.”
0750
Mattie’s Room
Blacksburg Virginia
“Commander Rabb?” Dr. Kerr waited until he had his attention. “Commander, I understand you’ve spent the night at her side keeping vigil. It’s a good sign that she’s hung on. I need you to leave while we examine her. Afterwards I’ll try to update you as best I can. Is Mr. Johnson here?”
“No. I haven’t seen him since we saw her last night. He left. I’ll make some calls while you care for her.” Turning back to Mattie. “I need to call Jen and let her know what’s going on. The doctor is here and he needs to take care of you. I’ll be back Mattie. I love you and I won’t leave you while you need me.” With a kiss to her hand he gently set it back on the bed and quietly left the room.
He stopped first at the men’s room and splashed some water on his face. He knew he was looking pretty ragged. He headed to the pay phone next to call Jen.
{Hello?}
“Jennifer, it’s Harm.”
“How is she, sir?”
“It’s bad Jennifer, but she can beat this. She’s suffered head trauma and her face is pretty bruised and swollen. Her spinal cord is swollen and they are waiting to assess that further after the swelling goes down. They operated to repair some internal damage and stop the bleeding. She punctured a lung and they’ve repaired that. She has several broken ribs. They had to set her leg surgically also. She had several cuts that required stitches. If she sees herself like this she won’t be very happy, but as she heals she’ll be fine.”
“Has she said anything yet, sir?”
“No. She’s still in a coma.”
“Do you need anything sir?”
“No, I had my bag in the car. I’ll go get that and change. Have you heard from Mac?”
“No sir. But I’ll let her know what happened when she gets back or if she calls.”
“Thanks Jen.”
Harm found the cafeteria and had some breakfast and coffee. He wasn’t that hungry but knew that he had to take care of himself in order to be there for Mattie when she needed him. He went to his Lexus and grabbed his bag. He returned to the bathroom to shave, wash up and change his clothes. When he returned to the room, Dr. Kerr was just leaving.
“Commander Rabb, I promised you an update. I’m afraid the best news I have for you is that she’s alive and there is no change.”
“How long will she be in the coma?” Harm asked.
“That’s hard to say, Commander, and harder to deal with. The truth is, she may have a better chance of making it the longer her body is shut down and the machines are doing the work for her. All of her energy is going into healing at this point. Once she wakes up, the pain could sap her strength, so I wouldn’t expect much change for another twenty-four hours or more. Go get some sleep Commander.”
“Thank you Dr. Kerr. I just ate, washed up and changed. I’m fine.”
“As you like. I will check in again later this afternoon. They know to come get me if there is any change.”
Harm returned to Mattie’s bedside and waited. He kept talking to her. He said the things that came into his head just so she could hear his voice. He was convinced that knowing that someone she loved was nearby would make a difference. He wondered where her father had gone again, but didn’t waste time worrying about it. His focus was on Mattie.
1015 Local
ICU
Blacksburg, Virginia
As the hours wore on, Harm’s concern grew as did his desperation. With his life so unsettled, at least in his own mind, the possible loss of Mattie hit him hard.
“Mattie, you’ve got to get through this. There’s so much for us to do yet. I want my parents to meet you. I want to see you in your prom dress and in cap and gown at graduation. I want to watch you graduate from Annapolis if that’s what you want to do. I want to see you get married and have children...God, Mattie, I want you to have all the things I don’t...a family that loves you and cares if you are sick or hurting or happy or sad. I want to see your children grow and pretend their my grandchildren.. Please Mattie...wake up...I love you, Mattie...I need you...right now you are all I have...” and then his tears fell. He couldn’t stop them. They ran down his face and fell on to the bed covers as he leaned his head over the hand he held.
Same Time
Mac’s Office
San Diego, California
For the past two days she had been fighting a feeling that something wasn’t right and that someone needed her. Last night several of them that had worked the case together, including Lt. Graves, had gone out. Mac liked her. She was quirky but knew what she was doing. She immediately welcomed Mac saying that she thought Commander Rabb was fantastic to work with and that he obviously had a thing for her.
<Flashback>
“What makes you say that, Lt. Graves?” asked Mac when the younger women commented that she must be Commander Rabb’s girl.
“Well, Ma’am, when he won that settlement for Ms. Ransford and she launched herself at him, kissing him and stuff you know...he just stood there and then walked away. He looked back but he looked confused. I couldn’t help it Ma’am, I just had to tease him. After we left and went back to base, he was daydreaming, and I asked him if he was thinking about that kiss from the red-head. He told me, ‘No, I’m wondering what a certain brunette will do if she hears about it.’ so I asked him if he was talking about his girlfriend and he says, ‘I hope she will be,’ and so I asked him what she was like and he says, ‘She’s a Lt. Colonel in the Marine Corps, intelligent, beautiful, strong, loving, and trying to get over a bunch of bad luck right now.’ I figure that’s you.”
“Wow...he told you that about me?”
“Unless he knows another brunette Lt. Colonel that’s intelligent, beautiful and all that stuff, I’d say he was talking about you. Why you resisting him, Colonel? He’s awfully easy on the eye.”
“Yes he is...and all the women tend to make a play for him. It gets hard to watch...but we’ve been friends for years and couldn’t seem to get on the same page...I think he’s finally stop turning the pages so I can catch up with him.”
<End Flashback>
Mac thought a moment and then grabbed the phone. She tried Harm’s number first. She left a quick message on his answering machine and then tried his cell phone. Again she left the same message on his voice mail. It was Saturday morning, but someone would be on duty at JAG, so she called there. Jennifer Coates answered the phone.
“JAG Headquarters, Petty Officer Coates speaking.”
“This is Colonel Mackenzie, Coates. Is everything okay there?”
“At JAG, yes...but Ma’am...Mattie was in a plane crash Friday. She’s in a coma...”
“Harm? Was he with her?” Mac asked.
“No Ma’am. He was at JAG when the call came in. He’s at the hospital in Blacksburg with her now. He called a short time ago. The doctor isn’t optimistic that she’ll make it. Harm wanted me to let you know if you called in.”
“Thank you Coates. I’m heading home today. I should be there tonight. Tell him if you talk to him again.”
“I will Ma’am.”
Mac disconnected the call and turned back to her computer. She finished her report and turned it in to the Captain as she informed him that she had to cut short her visit and return home due to an emergency.
Lt. Graves meanwhile had arranged her transport and notified Lt. Mayfield and Lt. Vukovic that she needed to see them ASAP before she returned home. She left instructions with them as to their duties for wrapping up the case. She wanted their reports on her desk back at JAG immediately upon their return.
“Lt. Graves, I want to thank you for your assistance. Although there isn’t a place for you at JAG headquarters right now, I might suggest if you really want to move to Washington DC that you inquire if there are openings in your field at the Pentagon or even Pax River.”
“Thank you, Colonel. I’m glad I got to meet you. I hope your friend gets better soon,” she told her as Mac took her things and headed for the airfield.
CHAPTER 4
2055 Local
ICU
Blacksburg, Virginia
The constant rhythm of the respirator breathing for Mattie filled the room. The beats of the heart monitor told him that she was still with him. So far he hadn’t given in. Tom Johnson apparently had. There had been no further sign of the man. After his tears, Harm had pulled himself together, barely, resolved to be strong for Mattie and to be there. He was not going to walk away when someone needed him.
Harm kept talking to her. Some times he would dose in the chair next to her bed, always holding her hand. He waited and he hoped. He worried and he prayed. It was almost nine o’clock when the nurse brought him a visitor. It was Mac.
“Harm, how is she?”
“Mac! She’s still in a coma. I think the swelling in her face has gone done some. The doctor said that if it has then it’s a good time. She may never walk again Mac.”
“Jen told me. Harm, I had to come...I’m worried about you...what can I do?”
“There’s nothing we can do but stay positive and wait,” Harm told her.
“That’s not what I meant Harm...I want to be there for you,” she said as she stepped forward to hug him. Harm however, backed away and caught her arms while bracing his. He effectively held her away from him.
“No! Not now Mac...I can’t...” Harm broke off, a catch in his voice. At first Mac was confused, but somewhere from deep inside she knew exactly how he felt. She had seen him keep those walls in place before. She had also seen what happened to him when they crumbled. In that instant she knew what to do and what to say.
“I’m staying at the Blacksburg Inn next door tonight...Room 205. I’ll check in with you before I head home tomorrow. You know where I am if you need me. Here’s the extra key to the room at the Inn if you want to come over.”
“Thanks Mac.” Harm looked at the key in his hand and made a note of the room number. He watched her walk away. One part of him wanted to follow her to that hotel room and wrap her in his arms while she held him. He wanted to let go and loose himself in Sarah Mackenzie. He was afraid if he did fall apart, he wouldn’t be able to get it together again so he stood strong and stoic living in his own hell.
He turned back to Mattie.
“Please Mattie, you need to wake up. I need to see your eyes. I need to know you are fighting to get better right along with me.” There was no response. Harm paced from the bed to the window and back. The window gave him a view of the Blacksburg Inn. So he waited and wondered and worried if Mattie would wake up. He hadn’t slept for days.
After begging her one more time, he stared out the window close to giving up and giving in to Mac’s offer of comfort. He returned to Mattie’s bedside one more time and took her hand and prayed silently. He was searching for the courage to let her go. When he opened his eyes, she was looking at him.
“Mattie!” He rushed to get the doctor and then returned to her bedside flashing her a huge smile as he kissed her hand again and told her, “I love you.” He started from the room when he met the doctor and two nurses on their way in. He returned to his place at her bedside.
Mattie was examined and tended to while Harm waited and her eyes watched him. As soon as they removed the breathing tube and she was able to speak, she scolded him.
“You need a shower and some sleep, Harm.”
“I know. I couldn’t leave you.”
Mattie looked around and Harm knew what she was doing.
“I haven’t seen him in awhile. I think your accident was more then he could handle.” Mattie nodded.
“Tired...”
“You will be,” the doctor told her with a smile.
“Why don’t you go ahead and sleep. Maybe we can convince your guardian to go get some sleep as well.” Mattie nodded and reached for Harm with her one good arm. He went to her and gently returned her hug.
“Get some rest. Come see me in the morning. I’ll be fine,” she told him.
Reluctantly Harm did as she asked and the doctor insisted. She closed her eyes and slept almost immediately.
Outside her room Harm talked to Dr. Kerr.
“She still isn’t responding to touch in her extremities. That could still be swelling in the spinal column. Tomorrow we’ll be able to do some tests and learn more. Her prognosis for living now is very good Commander Rabb. But she will have a long difficult recovery period. She’s going to need her family for the long haul. Keeping yourself healthy is important.”
“I will do that. I’ll be at the Inn next door. Have you seen Tom Johnson?”
“Unfortunately yes...he came here earlier this evening and was quite inebriated. We had to call the police and have him escorted out,” the doctor informed Harm.
“Thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
2235 Local
Room 205
Blacksburg Inn
<Knock-knock>
Mac scrambled off the bed and to the door. Checking the peep-hole she saw Harm waiting on the other side. She flung the door open and drew him into the room.
“Harm?” Without a word he drew her into his arms and held on to her. She wrapped her arms around his waist and ran her hands up and down his back to sooth and comfort him. She knew without looking at his face that the tears were falling. Finally he spoke.
“She woke up Mac. The doctor thinks she’s going to live.” He loosened his hold on her just a little and she looked up into his beautiful watery eyes and at his handsome tear stained face and she read the confusion and worry there without him saying a word.
“But you don’t know what her quality of life will be, do you?”
“Not yet. Mac...there’s so much I need to say to you...so much I want to tell you...I’m just so exhausted...”
“I know. Let’s not talk tonight. You need sleep.”
“I need you.”
“You have me Harm...but you need sleep.”
“I need a shower...then you...then sleep.”
“Bathroom is that way,” Mac said pointing the way. “Are you hungry?”
“No...I’m good. Mac?”
“Yes?”
“Do you mind sharing your room and your bed tonight?” Harm asked somewhat belatedly.
“Not with you...no, I don’t mind.” Mac smiled as he retrieved his bag and resumed the trip to the bathroom.
Mac slid the robe off her shoulders and returned to the bed wearing a t-shirt and underpants. She picked up her book while she waited for Harm but couldn’t focus on the words. There was something Harm wasn’t telling her and although she had agreed they were too tired to talk tonight, she felt that this was something she should know. She replayed what he had said, and what hadn’t been said when he came in. No mentioned had been made of Tom Johnson. Mac suddenly knew. Tom had fallen off the wagon because of this accident.
She set the book aside, drew her knees to her chest and tried to think about how she might handle a similar situation. She couldn’t see herself falling back into the bottle over this...other things maybe, but not when there was still a thread of hope.
Harm came out of the bathroom in his boxers.
“I hope you don’t mind I didn’t put a shirt on...I only have one other clean one with me and I’d rather where it tomorrow without having slept in it,” Harm apologized to Mac.
“It’s fine. I’ll do a load of wash for you before I leave tomorrow. I also reserved this room for you for the next few days. I figured you’d want to be nearby.”
“Thanks.” Harm slid into bed beside her. Usually he slept on the top of the bed, but tonight, he needed to be close to her. She didn’t seem to mind.
“Harm, has Tom started drinking again?” Mac asked.
“Yes.”
“Because of the accident?”
“I don’t know. As soon as he heard from the doctor how bad she was hurt, he lost it. He’s come back a couple of times but doesn’t stay. Tonight he was drunk and they had to have him removed from the hospital.”
Mac turned to face Harm them. She rested one hand on his chest and the other supported her head. He looked up at her and waited to see what she would add.
“There must be something more then the accident. The accident alone wouldn’t push him off the wagon...it wouldn’t have me.” Mac confided in Harm.
“I know. You’re stronger then he is, Mac. You have more character.”
“Are you going to reapply to the court for custody of Mattie?” Mac asked him, forcing the very thing he didn’t want to talk about tonight.
“I need to sleep on it Mac...and talk it over with you tomorrow.”
“Okay...Harm?”
“Yes?”
“Can I comfort you now?”
“I’d like that - a lot,” he grinned at her as she snuggled up to him, her head on his chest and one arm around his waist. He rested his hand on her arm as it crossed his body and the other cupped her head. They were both asleep within seconds.
AN: If you don’t like the adult chapters...skip the rest of this section!
0635 Local
Room 205
Blacksburg Inn
Harm could feel her soft breath on his chest and her arm on his stomach. He also felt the early morning hardness that often greeted him after a night of dreaming about the woman he now held close to him. Trying to decide what to do about the situation, he felt Mac’s hand start to move. He captured it and brought it to his mouth. He placed a kiss in the palm of her hand and then one on her wrist. He realized then that one of her legs was over his thigh. It was if during the night she had wound herself around him so that he couldn’t slip away from her.
“Harm...” she murmured. He stilled thinking she was waking up. “Don’t push me away now...please...”
Harm realized that she was holding him tighter now.
“Mac...I’m right here. I’m not pushing you away...wake up now...” Harm spoke gently. His voice got through and she opened her eyes.
“Its real...wow...I thought I was just dreaming. Were you just kissing my hand?”
“Guilty...” Harm tried to smile and make light of it, but it wasn’t working.
“Why just my hand?”
“Mac...”
“Harm listen...one of the things I’ve learned this past year, is that it is a natural reaction to have a sexual urge when you experience grief. If you can’t turn to me now to deal with it, then what chance to we really have of making our relationship work?”
“Mac...”
“Harm, if I wasn’t ready and willing to move our relationship to that level I wouldn’t be here.” Mac lay back again and waited. He turned to her then and kissed her lips. She reveled in the velvety feeling as he deepened the kiss. She slid her arms around his neck and held his head as she began to return his kisses. She waited for him to seek entrance to her mouth and when he did she was ready to greet him. She felt his hands slide under the hem of her t-shirt and caress her rib cage. Mac broke the kiss as she sat up and helped him to remove the offending fabric that kept him from seeing and touching her.
Harm kissed her again and then eased himself down so that he left a trail of kisses from her lips to her neck to the valley between her breasts. The skin was creamy soft as his lips tasted and touched. One large hand slowly covered one of her breasts and his thumb rubbed over the straining nipple. He lowered his head to the other breast and tasted her with his tongue and lips. He heard her inhale as he took first one rosy tip and then the other into his mouth. Both hands held and supported her breasts as he explored every inch of them with his fingers, his tongue and his lips.
Mac closed her eyes and let herself experience the fire he created with his gentle touch. No one had ever touched her like this, as if they were worshiping her body. She wanted to touch him at the same time, to inflame him as he was her. She could feel his hardness through his boxers and tried to caress him. He moved away but looked into her eyes as he whispered, “Not yet...”
He eventually moved his attention from her breasts to her navel. While one hand slid lower and felt the heat her panties were trying to hide, he placed kisses on her quivering stomach and allowed his tongue to play with the ruby stud in her navel. When her hips lifted off the bed from frustration and excitement, Harm slid the wisp of lace down her long legs and dropped them on the floor. His journey continued to the territory he had just uncovered.
He shifted then allowing Mac to free him. When his boxers were on the floor with her things, he lowered her head to taste her. Mac countered by tasting him. They were driving each other crazy. Mac writhed on the bed as he slid his fingers into her moistness. She had let go of him, so he turned to regain his control as he found more ways to stimulate Sarah Mackenzie. Her hands held his head as he found the bundle of nerves with his mouth and played with it with his tongue. He heard her whimper as her hips lifted yet again. This time he adjusted his hand so that his thumb pressed against those sensitive nerves, while his tongue drank from her moistness and stroked her higher yet. When she cried out with her release, he moved up her body and kissing her navel, her breasts and finally her lips. She could taste herself on his tongue and lips. It excited her further.
She opened her eyes as she felt him hesitate. He was staring into hers. “Tell me now if you want me to stop.” She shook her head no. He kissed her lips again and then told her in his husky aroused voice, “I need you but I’ll wait if you want me to.”
“I want you now Harm.”
“I don’t have a condom.”
“It’s okay...unless you have withdrawn your offer to father a child with me.”
“No...the offer is still on the table.”
“Then make love to me Harm...I want to feel you inside me now,” Mac urged him.
He didn’t hold back and neither did she. They found their release together before collapsing on the bed, again wrapped in each others arms. As their breathing and heart rate returned to normal, Harm found his voice again.
“Did I hurt you?”
“No...that was incredible Harm. You were so gentle, yet I could feel your strength...your power...your love for me...thank you.”
“I do love you, Mac...I don’t know why I’ve never been able to actually say it before. Are you sure I didn’t hurt you?”
“You did not hurt me Harm. Not at all. You told me one time you would be gentle and I told you not to be gentle, be good...” they both smiled remembering the bumped heads and the conversation under his dining room table years ago. “You were both.”
“Mac, there’s so much for us to think about right now...but I’ve got Mattie to think of.”
“I know...and you wouldn’t be the Harmon Rabb I know and love if you turned your back on her.”
“Mac, there’s something I want to do, but only if you think I should...I mean, this involves you too.”
“You want to get custody of Mattie again?”
“I’d like to adopt her. Mac, even with the best case scenario for Mattie, its going to be a long time before she’s able to be on her own again. I know she’s sixteen and that in a year and a half she’ll be eighteen...but she needs us. I want you to be a part of her life too...not just accept that’s she’s part of my life.”
“I want that too Harm. We both love you and next to having a baby, being part of a family with you and Mattie seems pretty good to me about now.”
“When the time is right...when things are more settled with Mattie’s prognosis, you and I will make some plans.”
“Harm...in the meantime...if anyone asks...you’re taken, okay?” Mac asked as she smiled at him.
“When Sturgis first came to JAG he asked me if I had a girl. I told him no...that she had me. Did you know that? I’ve been yours for a long, long time,” Harm told her.
“You have me now, Sailor. I’m yours...I told Sturgis I was in love with you years ago and then threatened him with bodily harm if he told anyone.” They shared another kiss, but before it got out of control the phone rang.
“Commander Rabb.”
“Harm? Have you seen my Dad?” Mattie asked.
“No, I haven’t. The doctor told me that he’s not handling the accident well.”
“You mean he’s off drinking, don’t you?”
“I don’t know that Mattie.”
“I do Harm...and its not the accident.”
“Mattie, I’ll be over there soon and we’ll talk. Okay?”
“Harm...is Mac with you?”
“Yes.”
“Can I talk to her please?”
“Mattie?” Mac asked as she took the phone Harm held out to her before he slid out of bed and headed for the bathroom.
“Mac, I hope I didn’t interrupt anything. My father started drinking again...about two weeks ago I think. At first it was just a drink before bed. Then a drink after dinner and one before bed. Then he went out last weekend and had a bad hangover the next day. He needs help Mac. He can’t take on the responsibility of me and a business. It’s too much for him. Harm’s going to be mad. Will you talk to my dad?”
“If I can find him before I have to go home today.”
“Is Harm going back with you?”
“No. He’s going to apply for family emergency leave and stay with you. I’ll come down when I can.”
“Is he okay?”
“Harm?”
“Yes.”
“He’s fine Mattie. We’ve talked some things over. He’ll tell you some of our ideas when he gets there.”
“Tell him not to hurry. I’m feeling kind of tired.”
“Alright...I’ll try to get him to have some breakfast and I know he needs some things at the store. “We’ll take care of that and try to find your Dad before we come over, okay?”
“Thanks Mac. Tell him I love him too, okay?”
“I’ll do that.”
Harm came out of the bathroom fresh from the shower with his things. He dressed as Mac went into the bathroom to shower. They talked as she dressed.
“Harm. Mattie was feeling tired and said she wants to sleep a little before you come over. I told her we would try to find her father and that you needed to pick up some things before we came over.”
“Thanks Mac. There’s a mall about six miles from here. If you’re ready, why don’t we go over there. We can get something to eat as well.”
“I’m all set. Harm?”
“Yes?” Harm turned and watched Mac walk up to him. She gave him a gentle smile and reached up to kiss him.
“I love you...I know you have a lot to think about right now, but I want to thank you for last night. You do what you have to do and we’ll work out the details together. I trust you to do the right thing...and I know I haven’t always said that to you...but I do or I wouldn’t have come to you every time my world fell apart.” She caressed his face with her hand.
“Thank you...we’re going to be alright aren’t we?” Harm asked her with a smile.
“Yes. I think we are. Come on Sailor...let’s find something to cheer Mattie up.”
CHAPTER 5
1130 Local
Mattie’s Room
Blacksburg Hospital
The shopping trip had gone well. They had strolled hand in hand from store to store. Harm had found a place that carried his favorite brands and had stocked up on more boxers, t-shirts, socks, pants and shirts. With Mac’s help he settled on a new pair of black jeans, a pair of gray dress slacks and a pair of khaki dockers. They picked out two long sleeve knit shirts - a dark blue pull over and a peach button down. He also found a silvery dress shirt and a soft yellow short sleeved knit shirt. They had returned the things to the room and hung them up before returning to the hospital.
Mattie had been moved from ICU to the ward. The nursing staff had been waiting for them to tell them the news when they arrived.
Harm and Mac quietly entered Mattie’s new room still holding hands. They hadn’t been able to find Tom Johnson, but they had found a book, a teddy bear, and a bouquet of flowers for Mattie. They had each picked out a card, plus found one to give her from both of them. They had made them out while at the Inn. Mattie opened her eyes and smiled when she saw them come in.
“Hey guys...you’re here.”
“How you doing Mattie?” Harm asked as he dropped a kiss on her forehead and sat down beside her. Mac stood beside him and rested her arm on his shoulder.
“I hurt some and I get tired real easy. I can’t move my legs at all...but look,” she implored. She lifted her hands and laced her fingers together.
“Mattie that’s real progress,” Harm praised. Mac smiled and nodded.
“I look real scarey don’t I?” Mattie asked as her brave front began to slip a little.
“No Mattie...scarey was you not moving, not talking, not even glaring at me.”
“Mattie, the doctor doesn’t think the scaring will be that bad. I’ll show you how to put make-up on that will cover it up and look very natural,” Mac offered. Harm looked up to her grateful for taking care of that particular insecurity.
“Thanks Mac. Are those for me?” she asked looking at the gifts they had brought in.
“Yes they are. I thought I could read to you sometimes if you’d like,” Harm offered.
Mac, put the water in the vase with the flowers and set them where Mattie could see them while she looked at the book and teddy bear with Harm. Next came the cards.
She opened the one from Mac first and then the one from Harm. Finally she opened the third one and the smile lit up her face as she read it.
[When the days seem long and dark as you wait to heal and be back on your feet, remember that your family is with you and you’ll never have to walk alone. Get well soon. You will always have a place in our family...Love Harm and Mac]
“You guys are finally together?”
“Yes.” Harm told her as Mac nodded.
“Not just friends?”
“Mattie,” Harm cautioned her not to cross boundaries.
“No, Mattie, Harm and I may not have the right word to explain what we are to each other yet, but we know we are a family, we love each other and we have a friendship that can endure anything,” Mac assured the girl.
“Thanks...did you find my dad?” Mattie asked.
“No, I’m sorry Mattie. He’s not at the house, the air field, no where we could find. No one has seen him since last night.” Harm took her hand wishing he could spare her this pain.
“I can’t rely on him can I?” Mattie asked looking at Mac.
“Mattie, your father loves you,” Mac responded.
“I’m sure he does...but not enough to put me before alcohol. Harm? Can you petition the court again for me?” Mattie asked.
“Is that what you want?” Harm asked.
“Yes. I don’t hate him anymore Harm, but I can’t count on him either.”
“I know Honey, I know.” Harm assured the teenager. “I’ll call tomorrow to start the ball rolling.”
“Mac, will you be here?”
“Sorry Mattie, I have to go back tonight. But I’ll come down when I get off duty Friday if they don’t send me out of town again.”
“Harm, when will you have to go back to work?”
“Not this week. Probably next week. How would you like me to see if we can get you transferred to a hospital near us?”
“Can you?”
“I’ll look into it. Look, you get some rest. Mac needs to head back soon. I’ll walk her to her car and then I’ll be back.”
“Okay. Mac, Thanks for everything.”
Mac stepped up to her and kissed her forehead. The love they felt for Harm bound them together as a family. Eventually they would grow to love each other for the warm wonderful people each one was as well.
Friday 1530 Local
Columbia Montgomery Hospital
Blacksburg, Virginia
“Dr. Kerr, what can you tell me?” Harm asked as he watched the man leave Mattie’s room after her exam.
“I can tell you that I never expected her to recover this much when they brought her in last week, but she’s mending well. I just removed some stitches and a couple of bandages. There could still be some residual brain damage and it could be a while before it really starts to show-up, but on the surface at least, everything is looking good despite the fact that she still doesn’t have any feeling in her legs. Now I understand that you have petition the court for custody again.”
“Yes. Tom Johnson has taken off again. I have to return to work next week. I was hoping we could have Mattie moved to a hospital closer to where I am.”
“I see. I’m afraid that I can’t approve moving her yet. I would like her to stay with us at least another week and then we’ll see if she is ready to be transferred to a rehabilitation center. There are some very good ones in your area.”
“Alright doctor. Thank you.” Harm returned to Mattie. “I hear you’ve dazzled the doctors, young lady.”
“Yeah...but I won’t be dancing at my prom this year.”
“I’m sorry Mattie. I wish I could fix this.”
“I know. You know what bites the most?”
“Tell me.”
“I wanted to be like you. I wanted to go to Annapolis and then become a pilot. I wanted to be an attorney too as a back up plan...but most of all I wanted to be there to help people.”
“Mattie, you don’t want to be like me...you know when you were in the coma, I sat here thinking about the fact that I only had you. Without you, there was nothing in my life...and now because of you I have Mac in my life...at least for now. But I put my career ahead of everything and it has cost me more then I can ever explain. Don’t ever do that Mattie. A career is great but don’t forget to take time to explore relationships and let people know when you love them.”
“But you’ve got me and Mac now right...and someday maybe you and Mac will have your own kids.”
“That’s the thing, Mattie. Mac may never be able to have children...but if we hadn’t waited like we did, then maybe we could have saved ourselves a lot of hurt over the years.”
“But there’s still a chance that you guys could have a baby, right?”
“Yes...the doctor told Mac she has less then a four percent chance of getting pregnant. The longer she waits, the less chance she has.”
“So are you giving up? Harm...you didn’t give up on me...and I’ve heard stories about how you didn’t give up on finding your father or on Bud Roberts...why are you giving up on having your own baby?”
Harm smiled. Once again his teenager was making more sense then the adults.
“I guess because we both want it so bad, that its easier to accept it won’t happen then to be disappointed it didn’t happen.”
“When’s Mac getting here?”
“I’m not sure she is. She’s been sent out of town again.”
“That sucks,” Mattie told him.
“Yes it does. And I have to go back to work next week.”
“There’s more huh?”
“Yes...the doctor won’t let us move you to a closer hospital. He’ll see how you are doing after another week.”
“Harm, I’ll be okay. Now that I’m out of danger, I can have other visitors...you just need to give the okay at the front desk.”
“I’ll take care of that as long as you promise not to overdue.”
“I’ll be careful and follow doctors orders, I promise.” Mattie carefully brought her hand up and crossed her heart.
2115 Local
Room 205
Blacksburg Inn
“Commander Rabb.”
“Hi Harm...I’m not going to make it there this weekend.”
“I was afraid of that. Where are you?”
“Iraq...”
“Be careful, Mac.”
“I will. Harm I can’t talk long. Tell Mattie I love her and give each other a hug for me. I love you and I’ll call when I can.”
“I love you too Sarah...” but all he heard was a dial tone.
One Week Later
JAG HQ