I’ll See Your Never and Raise it to Forever

Author: Hollyjp

Synopsis: The story picks up in season nine after Harm returns to JAG. Mattie is living with him and Mac is trying to cope with all she’s been through and is still going through after Paraguay, Sadik, losing her best friend, and dealing with Webb.

Author’s Notes: There may be times that this story is hard to take as many people were so unhappy with season nine. Keep in mind I will focus on scenes that we didn’t see and generally refer to things we did see. There may be some dialogue from the shows that may be used, but not always by the people speaking them in the show although sometimes it will be the original speakers. I change many events later in season nine and from season ten or just gloss over some things.

I figure if TPTB can recycle dialogue over in over in the one show and then plunk it in the middle of another series, then I can do the same! Always remember I’m a shipper and I’ll never let our favorite couple down in the long run. Hope you enjoy this latest journey I take them on.

Disclaimer: JAG is the property of Bellisario Productions, CBS, and Paramount. I have borrowed their characters for entertainment purposes only. No monetary gain will result from their appearance in my story.

I’ll See Your Never and Raise it to Forever

PART 1

Harm stood aside as Mac explained her findings to the Captain of the USS Bennington regarding the crash of Lt. James Ross. Once again Mac saw things very different from him. He just couldn’t buy suicide in this case to begin with, but Mac had and then had decided to blame the Commander in charge of the Flight Squadron. Harm stood beside her as she made her case to the Captain. His efforts to contradict her fell on deaf ears as he once again found himself in a clash of wills with Mac over the outcome of an investigation.

In the early days they had clashed often, but as their skills as investigators and lawyers improved, and as they learned more about one another, their disagreements became entrenched in their presentations to others and less in what they actually said directly to one another. They would fall back on referring to the other person by title or sometimes as if they were absent.

As Harm heard the Captain agree that Mac had a valid concern and determined that the situation warranted further investigation, he prepared himself for another of their infamous court battles. On one hand, this situation was a blessing in disguise. They would be in court together for several days as the case was tried. He could never get enough of being around Mac, and the thrill of countering her legal prowess was icing on the cake. For the challenge junkie he was, it didn’t get any better then going head to head with Mac in court...unless it was working side by side together in court...that had even more positives to it, but rarely happened now they were both senior attorneys. For that matter, being paired with Bud rarely happened these days and he did miss working side by side with Bud at times too, but for very different reasons.

Harm thought of Mattie for a moment. He was missing his first parent-teacher conference and he had been literally sick over it. Jennifer Coates had quickly stepped up and agreed to do the big sister thing for him, but it was his job as Mattie’s guardian and he wanted to be there for her. His relationship with the admiral was still on shaky ground, so he hadn’t wanted to take a chance on destroying what they had rebuilt so far by trying to refuse this assignment. He had swallowed his confusion over his responsibilities and duties, asked Jen for her help and headed out to sea with Mac. The heading out to sea part he didn’t mind and the going with Mac part he was thrilled with. She had no choice but to be with him and Harm needed every chance he could get to try to fix their relationship. Once he had gotten over the shock of her saying it could never happen and he had ended up back in the Navy, he knew he had to fight to overcome her never with forever.

When Mac had said that they could ‘never’ be a couple, it had destroyed him. It had been harder to hear then the Admiral not letting him back into the Navy. Harm had been pumping with adrenaline for weeks after Paraguay and every night when he dreamed how close Mac had come to being tortured, the fear pumped adrenaline through him again. As a result he became a thrill junkie and welcomed the dangerous challenges that flying for the CIA had offered. He knew from Jack Keeter’s experiences that it could be a good job, but he also knew himself and a spook was not who he was. He was Navy...a sailor, a pilot, a lawyer...but Navy.

As the weeks and months had passed, Harm’s natural inclination to come to the rescue...his drive to go the extra mile...resurfaced until he had ended up plastered across the news and therefore of no use to the CIA. Once again he had been unemployed.

Being fired had turned out to be a blessing in disguise, however, in that it had brought him to Mattie and landed him home long enough so that Mac made contact. As soon as she came to see him, he was sunk. He tried holding on to his anger, but he couldn’t. He loved Sarah Mackenzie, his Mac, like he would never love anyone else. He had to accept it and then try to make her see that she was wrong about ‘never.’ He kicked himself that he had walked away before, but he knew that the admiral had been right. He needed to grow up, needed to decide what to do to keep Mac in his life so he could convince her to see things his way.

Over the years he had learned so much about Mac, but he hadn’t learned how to be the man she needed. He had even asked her for a manual and her cryptic response had been to tell him he knew the answer. After Mattie came into his life he began to understand what Mac had hinted at. As he grew to know and love Mattie more and more each day, he learned what he had to do to be the kind of father she needed in her life...and by extension the kind of man Mac needed in hers.

The parallels between Mattie and Mac weren’t lost on him. Two months into being Mattie’s guardian found him having reached a new level of maturity as he found ways to provide her with the solid support she required. Harm also began to understand that Mac hadn’t had that growing up and that the Marine Corps had become her surrogate father. The Marine Corps had given her structure, boundaries, and direction. It hadn’t given her the tools for dealing with relationships, thus this was what Harm would have to concentrate on. He set about finding ways for the Navy to provide security and encourage independence allowing her to be all the woman she could be...and Harm was the Navy.

As they traveled back to Washington D.C. from the Mediterranean Sea, Harm let his mind wander back over the past year. He and Mac had been rebuilding their friendship after her engagement to Brumby ended. He knew he had bumbled things badly back then, but as they had gotten to know each other again, they had admitted that there was something between, although neither felt comfortable to be the first one to name what it was. Somehow they had found themselves at odds with one another again and instead of being closer the gap widened once again.

“What’s got you so deep in thought Harm?” Mac asked as the plane reached cruising altitude as they returned home. “Pouting because the Skipper sided with me?”

“You know better Mac. I guess I have been lost in thought...this thing with Mattie and her English teacher is on my mind I guess.”

“Want to talk about it?” Mac offered surprising him.

“Thanks Mac...” he took a deep breath a sighed while deciding where to start. “You know that Mattie wasn’t going to school when I found her...and she was only fourteen then, right?”

“Yes...she had a birthday?”

“Yes...never told me about it until weeks later. Her birthday and mine are three days apart.” Harm grinned at the coincidence. “Anyway, She is enrolled in school now, but only some of her teachers are willing to give her credit for first semester...well if she passes the first semester exam. Seems fair to me, and most of them...except the Dragon Lady.”

“Dragon Lady?”

“Mattie’s English teacher won’t give an inch. I was suppose to meet with her but I had to take this assignment, so Jennifer went for me...it didn’t go well...that was the call I got. The Dragon Lady apparently said something that Mattie took exception too, Mattie yelled at the teacher in my defense and then walked off.”

“Will she reschedule?”

“Yeah....Jen got another meeting scheduled for me, but I’m going to have to pull out all the stops to convince her that Mattie has a better command of the English language and a richer vocabulary then most students her age.”

“How are you going to convince her, Counselor?”

“I’ve got the copies of the business plan Mattie wrote for the bank, the business letters she wrote to customers, and the huge document she prepared for the judge to convince her that she belonged with me and not her Dad right now.”

“Think it will work?”

Harm shrugged, “If she’s human and not a dragon, I think we’ve got a shot...Mac?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m not sure I ever thanked you enough for coming to court that day and for convincing Tom and the judge to give us a chance...thank you.” Harm tipped his head toward Mac and smiled.

“No need...I just wish...never mind.”

“What Mac? What do you wish?” Harm pleaded. He hated it when Mac would start opening herself up to him like she had in the old days, and then slam it shut without telling him.

“I wish you’d have come to me...talked to me about it sooner.”

“I know...and you know why I didn’t, right?”

“Because I said there could never be an us?”

“Yes.”

“But Harm, I didn’t mean we couldn’t be friends...and friends talk to friends...help each other, support each other...I told you before I never wanted to lose you and I meant it...I thought you did too.”

“I know Mac...but there have been some life changing experiences recently...”

“So that’s it? You’re going to walk away forever?”

“I didn’t say that...it’s just that things have changed.” Harm remained calm despite Mac’s slightly raised voice and her obvious distress.

“I know...Mattie changes things.” Mac sank back against her seat again in defeat.

“And Webb...unless he’s out of the picture. Is he Mac?”

“Not completely.”

“I didn’t think so. If you don’t mind, I’m going to rest awhile. I don’t want to rehash all this now.”

“Harm that’s unfair,” Mac began to protest.

“It’s unfair when I’m not ready to talk, but perfectly right when you refuse to talk...I’m beginning to see the writing on that manual I asked for Mac...and I’m beginning to understand the language even.” Harm gave her a knowing look as he turned away.

With that Harm settled down in his seat, closed his eyes, and put on a headset to listen to some music. Not that he really wanted to listen to the music, but it prevented Mac from talking to him. He didn’t want to hear what the next verbal bomb would be she would drop on him. He hadn’t recovered from ‘never’ and it had been months...almost a year since she had hit him with the one thing that he wouldn’t challenge her on. Harm let his mind return to his previous thoughts from before Mac interrupted him.

While Harm had cooled his heels in the brig after being accused of murdering Lt. Loren Singer and her unborn baby, Mac was preparing to take on the ill-fated assignment with the CIA. Harm had gotten out just in time to have Mac waltz off on that CIA mission on her own. He had struggled with his conflicting emotions. He was proud of her for the independent gung-ho Marine she was, but he also felt both possessive and protective of Mac when he let himself think of her as a woman.

When they were in uniform and following military protocol, it was easier to remember that she was a trained military person capable of being his equal in any situation. But when they were in civilian dress, he saw Mac as a desirable woman and one he wanted for himself. Mac on the other hand, said she was a Marine and could take care of herself. The mixed messages had confused Harm because he wasn’t sure what Mac needed or wanted from him.

The night she had shown up on his door step wearing the pregnancy padding, he had wanted her like never before. He longed to see her pregnant with his baby. That glimpse of what their future could be warmed and frightened him at the same time. He instinctively knew that while Mac would be a good wife and mother, she had an independent streak and a strength within her that would mean she would always be ready and willing to answer the call of duty. While he loved her for those very characteristics, they drove him crazy with worry and fear. The thing that Mac hadn’t gotten about him, yet, was that he understood. He respected her and her decisions even if he didn’t always agree.

In the seat next to Harm, Mac was fuming again. She hated it when Harm used his head, thought things through, and acted so mature. She had always felt that her level head had given her the edge in their relationship, because Harm had always been lead by his emotions and he needed her to come up with the dispassionate plans. Now she had lost that edge and she didn’t like it. She had felt that edge slipping away from her in Paraguay when Harm had shown up to rescue her.

She closed her eyes and remembered the moment she recognized him as he burst through that door. The old Harm would have swept her up in his arms and hugged her even if just for a second before he went back to the mission. But he had changed...and he had released her, guided her to safety while staying focused on his mission.

Suddenly Harm was the one with the dispassionate plan and it had been emphasized, underscored, and put in bold when he had stood by quietly while she had given into emotions and her guilt and kissed Webb. When she had seen him and heard his attempted declaration of love she had fought the guilt of what he had endured trying to protect her, the old habit of turning to any man that said the words she longed to hear, and her anger that Harm had taken over in the one area he had always needed her for.

Later when they had survived the hard landing, Mac had seen a chance to take control again and make the plans...but things kept going wrong. First when she was headed back to rescue him, he started shooting at her because the tire on the truck had blown and he thought he was being shot at. Then he had dropped his own verbal bomb that he had a wife. Her heart had stopped until she decided he was just teasing her. Only she didn’t see any humor in it...because she feared he had another woman in his life after all they had been through. She got so caught up in that possibility, Mac forgot to wonder how Harm had managed to find them or how his injuries were effecting him...she just got mad and let the emotions take control.

It wasn’t until much later when they were somewhat safe at the hotel and she was immersed in a bubble bath that she saw any sign from Harm that he cared for her and that she maybe she was more then assignment to him. She could still feel the warmth come over her as she soaked in that tub and Harm came in. The look on his face had intrigued her. He had told her once that he saw a desirable woman when he looked at her. His husky voice, murmuring, “I’d forgotten how beautiful you are,” had almost done her in on the spot. She didn’t hesitate to check out his body and she knew at that moment he had wanted her as a woman. Only instead of ignoring the knock on the door and giving in to the moment, Harm had left a gun for her and calmly walked away.

When it came to missed chances, they had to be undefeated. No two people could have timing as bad as they did. When she was ready he wasn’t...when he was ready...he no longer gave into emotions. That was when Mac had began to realize that things would never work between her and Harm...no matter how much they wanted it too. When he was in control, he wouldn’t give in to those feelings and needs. When she was in control, she wanted to call the shots, and when she did, he had other ideas...or wasn’t ready...or walked away.

Over the following few days she had tried to push the envelope and shake him off his pedestal of honor and dignity. She almost had him once...she knew it in her gut, when he leaned toward her as they had shared a bed, just before Gunny and Webb appeared at their door. That was when she heard from Webb just what Harm had sacrificed for her...his naval career. She heard the words coming out of her mouth - “But the Navy is all you have” - and knew immediately it hadn’t come out right...but it was too late to call the words back. Her emotions had allowed her to speak without thinking and she saw the hurt in his eyes.

Mac knew that she hadn’t given up completely on the possibilities at that point, but later when she had asked him why and tried to force a conversation, he had backed away giving her the cryptic, “I think you know answer.” She hated it when he would avoid her that way!

Mac had watched Harm slip back into an emotional reaction at that point, and he made a few cutting remarks himself. Mac knew them for what they were...jealousy. Something still nagged at her even now when she thought back on that time. The things they said to each other...the tone of their voices...Mac couldn’t quite fine tune what was there so the picture would fade away as fast as it had started to form. But she had used the word never that night on the curb...and now there was a gulf between them that she wasn’t sure could be breached.

Mac opened her eyes and looked at her long time friend and partner seated next to her. She had missed him while he had been away. She had wanted him back at JAG and had no idea how to convince the Admiral that he was needed, when the terrible truth came out about Commander Carolyn Imes. Mac grabbed it as the one chance in a million that might just open doors for Harm to return and it had worked.

Harm had returned to JAG...and brought another female into his life...Mattie. Mac fought the jealousy she felt not because he had Mattie, but because he hadn’t shared Mattie with her. Still she knew how much helping Harm needed to help Mattie, so she had thrown caution to the wind and tried to jump in...only Harm held her off a little. She felt tears come to her eyes when she let the memories in from the night Harm had stormed out of her apartment after asking for her help in court. She had gotten mad - not because he asked for her help - but because he had waited so long to ask her! When had muttered, ‘This is too important for you to screw up,’ it had given her a jolt.

Harm didn’t walk away when he wanted something for someone else. He became tenacious, ‘like gum on the bottom of your shoe’ the Admiral would say. He would charm, he would plead his case, he didn’t walk away...but he had. She had stood alone in her apartment and cried out of fear, frustration and a sense of loss...and then she had gotten mad, before she came up with a plan...because something danced just outside her conscience even now that she couldn’t put her finger on.

Mac had sucked it up, found out where the court hearing was and made it there in time to speak on Harm’s behalf. She couldn’t look at him as she opened the door to his soul just a bit to admit in front of Harm, that he was the man she wanted to father her children...ever since they had made that deal...the idea had grown and taken root. She would try to weed it out and replace it with another deal, but Mic Brumby had not been the answer. She had gotten her point across without totally face by saying that she would want the father to be someone like Harmon Rabb -and she thought it had worked until she had glanced at him, seen the squinty look on his face that he got when he was figuring out what was being said between the lines, and then the smile that hovered just out of sight. She was sure at that point that her secret was out but she wouldn’t give in to it.

When the judge had ruled in favor of a foster home, Mac had been shocked. She had spent the time between court and the Christmas service trying to figure out how she could fix this for Harm. In the back of her mind she felt like a little girl again, hoping that if she fixed things for her father, he would love her and that if he was happy, maybe her mother would come home and their family could be whole again. It had never happened, but Mac thought just maybe she could make things up to Harm and Mattie.

Mac had gone to the judge catching her just before she left to go home and asked her what it would take to reverse her decision about the foster home for Mattie. She had grilled Mac in her chambers. “Why does this matter so much to you, Colonel Mackenzie?”

“Because I remember being Mattie’s age and having my mother walk away from me and leave me with a drunken father. I would have given the world to have someone with the ethics and morals of Harmon Rabb care about me the way he cares about that young woman. I was with him when he ended his search for the father he lost as a child. I know how devastated he was. He will move mountains to rebuild and maintain Mattie’s relationship with her biological father...because it’s the right thing to do. Please, Judge...what can I do to change your mind about the foster home?”

Mac had watched the Judge stare at her in thoughtful consideration. She looked down and reached for a form filling in some blanks and signing it with a flourish.

“Take this form with you. If you can convince Mr. Johnson to sign this form willingly, legal guardianship goes to Commander Rabb. It will need to be filed with this court on the next business day.”

Mac had taken the form and sighed in relief. She had called Webb to tell him that she would have to cancel their date, but he had pleaded and begged with her to come later if she had something she needed to attend to. He tried being understanding but he hadn’t hesitated to make her feel guilty by remembering Paraguay. She was slowly realizing that he did that often when he wanted her to comply with his request, but Mac pushed the thought aside to focus on her plan for getting Tom Johnson to see things her way.

She had sent Mattie back to Jen to wait for her, and then climbed into the truck next to Tom Johnson to tell him her story. He had cried for his little girl and for himself as Mac had talked and then had asked for the paper to sign Mattie over to Harm. Vowing to be there to help and to be a sponsor at meetings if he wanted her to be, she had convinced him to tell Mattie himself what he was agreeing to do. What ever Harm’s reaction when she brought Mattie to him, she had already been amply rewarded when she saw the light in Mattie’s eyes shining with happiness.

Together they had driven to the wall and Mac had watched them reunite. Mattie wrapped her arms around Harm’s waist and hung on as they talked. Harm had asked her to join them, but she had that date with Webb. She had watched long enough to hear Mattie tell Harm it was okay to hug her, and when he had bent his head to toward Mattie’s hair, she had slipped away. The date with Webb had been a disaster.

Mac felt the plane begin its descent. Harm was already gathering his things together. They were so close with such a huge chasm between them, all because she had voiced her doubts and declared they would never work.

PART 2

A few days after they had returned from the Bennington, Harm had made another trip to prove a theory he and Bud had stumbled on after getting the financial records for Lt. James Ross. As a result the charges were dismissed against Commander Stannich.

Thanks to Mattie, Harm was getting an inkling of how complex the woman he loved really was. When she had told him at her engagement party that ‘he made things too difficult’ and he had responded that ‘she made them too simple’, he hadn’t expected her to voice an opposing view. She had looked at him after the Stannich’s hearing only to inform him that ‘he made things to simple’. It was a bit of a turn around, but nonetheless a revealing statement. Harm smiled as he watched her retreating back. Later he caught up with her in the bullpen.

“Hey Tiger...”

“Harm, this new nickname is going to stick I suppose,” Mac stated more then asked.

“I kind of like it. Reflects how fierce you can be...and how playful.”

“Playful? I think you’ve lost your mind, Rabb.”

“No...but you always use to enjoy having fun. Has that changed?”

“What are you getting at? I know you and you’ve got an agenda.”

“What if I do?”

“Harm, I don’t want to play games with you anymore.”

“I think you do.”

“You’d be wrong.”

“So prove to me I’m wrong.”

“How do you suggest I do that?”

“Come over to the loft to spend an evening with us - Jennifer, Mattie and me.”

“And how is that suppose to prove that I want to play games with you?”

“Because you’ll have so much fun, you’ll want to come back for more. You can’t help smiling and evening laughing when you’re with those two. I like who I am when I’m with them...it reminds me of how you and I use to be.”

“Harm,” Mac warned with the tone of her voice letting him know she did not want to go there with him in the middle of the bullpen.

“All I’m saying is it would be nice to have another adult around, and I think you’d have fun...whether I’m there or not. Will you at least think about it?”

“Maybe,” Mac hesitantly conceded.

Harm sighed and let her walk away. Mac had changed since Paraguay and not for the better. He worried about her but figured that Chegwidden would step in if needed. He always had in the past.

Harm headed for his office to get his things. He had an appointment with the infamous ‘Dragon Lady’ this afternoon. His ears still burned with Mattie’s disappointed voice telling him to “Knock himself out” on the case. He knew she expected he would let her down and be a ‘no-show’ but he wasn’t about to let that happen. He had talked to Bud about balancing duty and home life.

“Hey Bud...how do you do it and stay sane?” Harm had asked in the car to catch their flight to the Bennington.

“What do you mean sir?”

“Bud, its just you and me here...call me Harm...”

“Yes...ss...ah...Harm...” Bud shot him a grin. “I’m not sure what you’re asking?”

“How do you find the balance between being there when you’re family needs you, and answering the call to duty?”

“You like to ask the tough question, huh?” At Harm’s chagrined smile, Bud went on. “I guess its easier when you grow into it. You’ve kind of landed in the middle of it...but there are a few things that have helped me...and I had to learn it over time. Sometimes both Harriet and I still flub up. For the most part, you set priorities. If its something really important you move mountains to be there. If you can’t, then you do lots of little extras to try to bridge the gaps.”

“Give me some specific things, Bud.”

“Okay. I love to see little AJ when he goes for riding lessons, but I can’t be there for every lesson. I go when I can and give him my undivided attention. One time things, like school plays and piano recitals, I go to when I can. If he needs me to stay home with him when he doesn’t feel good, I rearrange my schedule. He knows that I’ll be there whenever I can for him, and that if I’m not there I have no choice. It’s my duty.”

“So its building trust...making him feel secure, protected, cared for...loved.”

“Exactly. It’s going to be hard at times because Mattie is older and doesn’t have that trust naturally. It’s been bruised and battered over the years.”

“Just like Mac...”

“What was that Harm?”

“Oh...nothing...I think you’re right though. Mattie needs to learn I’ll be there when I can and that its my choice to spend time with her. Do you think its okay to try to weave Mac into our lives at the same time?”

“I think it would be good for all of you. You know Harm...she really missed you when you were gone. We all did...and she tried to make us think it was a fact of military life that you’d moved on...but I’d catch her at times looking so sad and acting as if she was lost with out you here.”

“I hope you didn’t say as much to her Bud.”

“I tried...she let me know it was a closed subject most of the time, although she often asked if we had heard from you.”

“I hurt her when I didn’t call her back Bud...but I couldn’t. I thought it would stop hurting if I just stopped all contact.”

“It doesn’t work that way. There are still times I feel my leg even though its not there. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it itches and sometimes it tickles.”

“What do you do then Bud?”

“If it itches, I scratch it.” Bud grinned at his friend, mentor and senior officer.

“I got it Bud.” Harm shook his head and chuckled. Bud could look like a bumbling idiot at times to those that didn’t know him. Harm had learned to respect and trust this man more then most. He was one of the few that he let in to know the real Harm. Some how Bud had just informed Harm that he’d be a fool not to try to pull Mac into his life - and Mattie’s - once again.

1830 Local

Rabb Residence

“Did I tell you I thought you were awesome with the Dragon Lady today? Thanks Harm.”

“You’re welcome Mattie. Hey, Mattie...how would you feel if I asked Mac to join us in the evening or on a weekend once in awhile?”

“She’s your girlfriend, isn’t she?” Mattie grinned getting started on one of her favorite topics.

“She’s a friend.”

“She’s a girlfriend then.”

“Mattie...”

“I know Harm, you’re trying not to corrupt me or do anything in front of me that the courts would consider in bad taste...but I heard what that social worker said you know.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Neither the social worker nor the judge could believe that you didn’t have a woman in your life. That’s because you have a Marine in yours and you two can’t seem to get past your uniforms...even in civilian clothes.”

“Its complicated Mattie.”

“So make it simple. You like her as a person right?”

“Yes.”

“You think she’s hot?”

“Mattie!”

“What?”

“We shouldn’t be having this conversation.”

“Why not? I’m fifteen years old. I’ll be dating soon...”

“No you won’t.”

“Harm, are you telling me that you didn’t date at sixteen?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“All I’m saying is that we learned in Health class that most kids learn how to have relationships by watching their parents interact. If you don’t have a girlfriend, how are you going to model limits for me...show me what’s okay for public displays of affection and stuff like that. I may have to try some things and test the limits myself,” Mattie threatened trying to hide her smile as she watched Harm’s horrified expression.

“Look, we’ll visit Bud and Harriet a lot. You can watch them...”

“But I think of you as my Dad now, Harm...and it would be really nice to have someone like a mother in my life again...I mean Jennifer makes a great big sister, but she needs you to be a parent for her at times too...even though she’d never admit it if you asked her.”

“Then how did you come to that conclusion?”

“I listen to her when she talks about her father and how she wishes someone like you had been there for her when she was my age.”

“I see.”

“Like it or not Harm...you have two daughters now...and we need a mother at times. I think Mac would be good for us. Jen likes her. I heard what she said in court and I know she worked some magic to get permission for me to be with you since Christmas despite everything. I want to do something for her too.”

“And what do you think that might be?”

“Including her in our family.”

“Mattie, I don’t want you to get your hopes up. I agree with you that we should let Mac know we want her in our family, but she’s been through a lot this last year and I’m not sure she’s ready to join us.”

“I know...but we can ask, right?”

“Sure we can.”

“Good, then why don’t you call her and invite her to go with us this weekend when we go hiking?”

“Fine.” Harm muttered as he pushed back from the table to clear it. “Just who is the parent in this family,” he mumbled.

Mattie heard him and giggled. Her new father was so loveable.

Next Day

JAG HQ

Washington, D.C.

Harm and Mac sat in Judge Helfman’s court room listening to her displeasure that the Maravelis case was not closed as yet. They each assured her they were working on it and expected to reach a resolution soon. She dismissed them demanding they get this case wrapped sooner then later.

After a quick dash to their offices, Harm and Mac were headed to meet with the bank where they were to retrieve the check and remaining diamonds.

“I’ll meet you there Mac. I’m going to Mattie’s volleyball game this afternoon and I don’t want to miss it.”

“You’re really getting into the father thing, aren’t you?”

“Yes. Did you think I wouldn’t?”

“No...yes, at times.”

“Mac, what’s wrong? You seem...distracted.”

“I just have a feeling something with this case is going wrong. With Van Dyne missing...I don’t know exactly.”

“Another premonition?”

“Or something. I’ll see you there.”

Harm watched Mac for a second before sliding into the Corvette. He turned the key and nothing.

“Great...now what?” He got out thinking maybe the battery which was under his seat, could be loose. The next thing he knew he saw a flash of white and heard a roar louder then a jet engine. At the same time he felt his face burn.

He couldn’t recall screaming but he must have. He could see Mac and her mouth was moving. She looked upset and then he realized he was talking to her and couldn’t hear himself.

“Mac...I can’t hear a thing.” Somehow he managed to focus on Mac. She had pulled out her cell phone and was making calls, while talking a cloth out of her pocket and reaching up to wipe his face. He held his breath until he saw the cloth come away and was assured that he wasn’t bleeding. Slowly he realized that his head hurt. Mac led him to her car and helped him in. He thought she was saying hospital and supposed he was telling her she was taking him. He’d have to wait and see.

He closed his eyes from the pounding in his head as rested it on the head rest in Mac’s Corvette. He kept thinking about how this accident would effect Mattie.

Mac somehow got Harm into her car and managed to focus on her driving long enough to get him to the local hospital emergency room. She wanted him checked out before she took the time to drive him to Bethesda. Harm’s confusion and darting glances as he tried to understand what was happening in a world where he had been abruptly robbed of his hearing chilled Mac to the bone. Once Harm had been escorted to another room for a hearing assessment, Mac stepped out of the hospital to try and reach Mattie. Harm had told her that Mattie had a cell phone with voice mail, so she left her a brief message.

“Mattie, its Mac...Colonel Mackenzie...look, I don’t want you to worry, but I thought you should know Harm’s been in a little accident and he’s having trouble hearing. He’s awake and walking under his own power. They’re testing his hearing now. I’ll let you know what I find out after they get the test results. Call me and let me know what’s a good time for me to call you...I’ll talk to you later. I promise, he’s fine...other then his hearing loss.”

Mac flipped her phone closed and returned to the cubicle for Harm to return. Twenty minutes later the nurse came in to scoop up Harm’s things.

“Are you waiting for Commander Rabb?”

“Yes. I brought him in.”

“They want to admit him for observation. He’s experiencing some problems with his balance. We want to make sure that its nothing significant. The doctor will be going to his room, if you want to go up.”

“Thank you...but maybe I should take him to Bethesda.”

“He indicated he’d rather stay here for now.”

“Okay...I’ll take those things,” Mac offered as she took his uniform with her. She smiled remembering his displeasure at having to undress and put on the hospital gown for his exam, and wasn’t mollified until they assured him he could keep his socks, boxers and t-shirt on under the hospital gown. She had stepped out as soon as he had started to unbutton his shirt and pull it out of his pants.

Mac was directed to the room that they were moving him too. She actually got there before he did and hung up his uniform. She was setting his cover on the shelf when he arrived in a wheelchair, shouting to the nurse.

“I can walk! I want to go home.”

“Sounds like he’s giving you a hard time,” Mac empathized with the nurse.

“Its nothing I can’t handle.”

“Let me see if I can help you a bit.” Mac touched Harm’s face forcing him to look at her. When he looked at her she pointed to her lips and gestured for him to be quiet. He nodded and watched Mac. “Harm, I called the Admiral and Mattie.”

“Mac, I got to call the Admiral.”

“I did. All done.” She said pointing to her self, gesturing with her thumb and pinkie like it was a phone.

“I don’t want Mattie to know...she’ll worry.”

“Too late - I called and left her a message.”

“I’ll call her...” Harm said until he saw Mac shaking her head no.

“Be good for the nurse.”

“What?”

“Be good.”

“Good?”

“Yes.” Mac nodded.

“You’re telling me to be good?”

“Yes.” Mac nodded again and then pointed to the nurse and pretended to prepare a needle and then pointed at Harm.

“Or you’ll tell her to give me a shot...figures you’d be mean to me.” Harm grumped.

“I’ll see you later,” Mac gestured to Harm until he repeated what she said correctly and then nodded his understanding. “Good luck nurse. I’ll get his daughter here to see him later.”

As Mac walked across the parking lot her cell phone rang. “Colonel Mackenzie.”

“It’s Mattie...where is he? What happened? I want to see him?”

“Relax Mattie. You’re still at school?”

“Yes. It’s my lunch period.”

“Okay. Can you come outside?”

“Yes...we have an open campus.”

“Meet me at the picnic tables in front of your school, okay?” Mac asked her as she slipped into her car and drove toward Mattie’s school. In ten minutes she parked out front and saw Mattie come flying out the door to her.

“What happened?”

“His car battery blew up. He was very lucky. The acid could have burned his eyes or face, but it didn’t. The explosion inside that small space, caused a kind of concussion. It’s temporarily damaged his hearing and he is having some problems with his balance. They think his hearing will be back to normal in a few days. Until then, he’s hollering a lot and we’ll have to write stuff for him. I’m going over to his place to pack him some things. I know the Admiral will send some of the crew over to see him and he’s not happy with the hospital attire.”

“I bet. Mac?”

“Yeah?”

“He’s really going to be okay?”

“I think so.”

“Do you think he’ll let us take care of him for a change?” Mattie asked.

“You know Harm, Mattie. He’s right there helping everyone else...we’ll have to see how he does accepting help this time. Look, why don’t you go back to class. What time are you done?”

“I can leave at two-forty...but...I’m suppose to stay for volleyball practice. That gets over at four thirty.”

“Perfect. You go do what you would normally do and I’ll pick you up after practice and take you over to see Harm.”

“Thanks Mac.”

“No problem, Mattie.”

Mac’s plans didn’t work out exactly as she had hoped. She did manage to drop off some of Harm’s own clothes while he slept, but then everything starting to fall apart. The Admiral informed her that Bud would be replacing Harm on the case, and they needed to meet immediately. Mac made it back to JAG Headquarters , met with Bud, and then just as she picked up Mattie on time, got a call saying she needed to meet Bud at the bank.

“Mattie, I’m going to have to drop you off and then run back for a meeting. I’ll be back to get you later.”

“I can stay at the hospital with him tonight Mac.”

“I don’t think they’ll let you and that certainly won’t set well with Harm. You stay with him for now, and I’ll be back as soon as I can,” Mac promised the teenager.

PART 3

2035 Local

Harm’s Hospital Room

Between the little white board, gestures, and lip reading Mattie was able to communicate with Harm. He constantly shouted as if everyone else had the hearing problem instead of him. Mattie threatened to tie something around his mouth if he didn’t stop.

“You’re hurting my ears Harm,” Mattie complained with a grin.

“It’s the only way I can hear myself,” Harm admitted.

“But it hurts us,” Mattie insisted.

Harm looked bereft and then attempted to speak more quietly, “I’m trying Mattie.”

Mattie felt so bad seeing the lonely look on his face that she let it go.

“I’m sorry.”

“Are you feeling sorry for me now?”

“Maybe a little.”

“What?”

“I said...” Mattie shook her head and grabbed the board and wrote ‘a little’.

“Where’d Mac go?” Harm asked.

“I’m right here,” Mac admitted as she walked through the door with a smile.

“Mac! Thanks for everything today. Bringing Mattie here and then coming to get her in between everything else....Thanks.” Harm said, his voice still booming.

“Your welcome...but I think you should lower your voice...can’t be good for your throat.”

“What?”

“Don’t even try, Mac. I’ve already done this with him and so did Sturgis and Jen. He did admit to me that he can hear himself when he talks that loud.”

“Are you two talking about me? Don’t talk about me.”

“Harm, you’re sounding paranoid.” Mac told him as she wrote on the board. ‘U paranoid?’

“Am not!”

Mac and Mattie both nodded and grinned at him. Harm wasn’t sure he liked them ganging up on him, but the smiles they beamed at him warmed him from the inside out. If the truth was known, he ached all over and wanted to go to sleep again. He also didn’t want anyone worrying about him...and yet it felt good to know someone cared. He saw Mac say something to Mattie and Mattie nod before she came closer to him. Her arms reached for him and his heart swelled as she hugged him tight. No matter what, this little girl needed him to get better and he wasn’t going to let her down.

For an instant he thought Mac would hug him too. He wanted to feel her arms around him, smell the scent of her hair and the lotion on her skin. He wanted her to be all woman in his arms so he could be all male in hers. But she didn’t reach for him nor he for her. They exchanged smiles and nods and then she walked away. He closed his eyes to keep back those disturbing hidden emotions and allow sleep to claim him.

2150 Local

Mattie and Jen’s Apartment

North of Union Station

“Jen? I’m home...Colonel Mackenzie’s with me,” Mattie announced as she returned to the apartment next to Harm’s that she shared with Jennifer Coates.

Jen, wearing her pajamas, joined Mac and Mattie in their living room area picking up a couple of magazines that had been left open and a dirty glass. “Sorry for the mess Ma’am,” Coates apologized needlessly. “How’s Commander Rabb?”

“Sleeping and getting hoarse from shouting,” Mac told her.

“Commander Turner and I couldn’t keep him quiet...even with the white board,” admitted Jen.

“I couldn’t either even threatening to put a gag on him,” Mattie shared.

“How long do they think it will be before his hearing returns?” Jen asked.

“They are hopeful that it will slowly return and that he should be able to at least hear himself tomorrow.”

“Good, maybe he’ll quiet down some,” Mattie expressed as she rolled her eyes.

“They did tell me they are a little worried about the vertigo. It could be a sign of something worse,” admitted Mac.

“When will they know?”

Shrugging her shoulders, “Depends on how soon he shakes it and the severity,” Mac continued.

“Why don’t they ever have an answer for you when you need it?” Mattie demanded before entering her bedroom and slamming the door.

“Uh-oh....teenager on overload and over tired, Ma’am. Not a pretty picture I’m afraid.”

“Will you two be okay?”

“Yes, Ma’am. Thanks for checking.”

Mac let herself out of their apartment. She paused as she passed Harm’s loft. She thought about all that could have happened to Harm when the battery exploded. A sudden urged to be close to him filled her. As if she was controlled by a force greater then her own will, she let herself into Harm’s sanctuary and quietly made her way to his room. She could smell his scent and the need to be close to him drove her to lay down on his bed.

0430 Local

Harm’s Loft

North of Union Station

Mac hadn’t counted on falling asleep the way she had but when she woke up she realized she was on Harm’s bed. Once she had oriented herself, she felt better...more hopeful. While she couldn’t explain why, she just knew she felt peaceful for a change. It was almost as if she was suppose to be there.

Mac straightened the bed and used the bathroom. Her clothes were wrinkled, so she brushed then out as best she could. With one more look around, she let herself out of the apartment and took the stairs to the ground floor. The elevator tended to be noisy and Mac didn’t want to chance waking Mattie or Jen. Once in her car she headed home.

0500 Local

Harm’s Hospital Room

Harm woke up and looked around trying to get his bearings. The memory of the explosion and the reality of his lost hearing came back to him. He turned on the TV and tried to follow the news with the closed caption feature turned on. The nurse came running in and grabbed the remote from him, talking all the time. Harm could see her mouth moving, but heard nothing. He realized that she was probably scolding him for having the volume too loud. He had turned it up to test his hearing and to see if he could pick up any sounds. Nothing yet. Harm fought the depression that they told him tended to be caused by the frustration. He tried to close his eyes and go back to sleep but he couldn’t relax.

Harm remembered the dream he had before waking. He had imagined that Mac was at his side and that they were working through the things that were keeping them apart. Then suddenly everyone was trying to take her away from him. Sadik was trying to kill her; Webb was telling her he wanted her but walked away which made her cry; a General kept ordering her to suck it up and act like a Marine; while Mac repeated, ‘There can never be an us.’ He tried to figure out what the dream meant and eventually chalked it up to feeling so helpless at the moment. He tried to go back to sleep awhile longer.

1410 Local

Harm’s Loft

North of Union Station

After the doctor ran him through a serious of tests, he was deemed fit enough to go home. About the time they had brought his lunch, he realized that he could hear himself a little when he talked now. It was an encouraging sign. Harm had impatiently waited for a ride as the medical staff would not let him leave and take a taxi. Sturgis arrived at 1300 and now he was home, alone, and pacing the loft by hanging onto his furniture or the walls while he waited for Mattie to get home.

He knew Mattie had wanted to stay home from school, but with Mac’s help she had been convinced to go to school. As for after school activities Harm had relented and agreed she could miss those at least one day. He had agreed to it thinking Mattie needed to be assured that he was okay. Now as he waited for her, he wondered if he did it because he needed to be assured more then Mattie. This feeling of needing someone and being needed was new, and he discovered he liked it.

Harm caught a movement out of the corner of his eye and turned to see Mattie drop her back pack and fly to him. Her thin arms wrapped about his waist and the impact of her body against his almost toppled them both to the floor.

“I’m so glad you’re okay and you’re home.”

“What?” Harm hollered, although not quite as loud as yesterday in the hospital. Harm noticed Mac standing in the background when she held out a pad and pen to Mattie. He could see their lips moving but couldn’t hear what they were saying. It frustrated him not being able to follow a conversation.

“Thanks Mac...I forget he can’t hear until he hollers.”

“I know. I’ve got a white board in my office and I’ll send it home with Jen.”

“Thanks Mac.”

“Are you guys talking about me?”

“No.” Both heads turned back and forth telling him no while both mouths moved.

“He gets a little paranoid,” Mattie informed Mac.

“I can tell. Look I’ve got to go. Call me if you need anything. Sturgis said the doctor wants him to rest and let the fluids in his ear drain. It will improve his balance and his hearing.” Mac instructed Mattie.

“I’ll watch over him.”

“I know you will, Mattie...but he’s going to want time alone too. The doctor said it will exhaust him keeping up in his silent world.”

“I’ll go do my homework and try to get him to rest.”

“Good plan. Remember, call if you need anything.”

Mattie nodded and then grabbed the paper to write Harm a note as Mac went out the door. “You rest...Me homework.”

“No...do your homework here. I want to help.”

“Need to much stuff,” Mattie wrote. “I’ll be back for you to check it over.”

“Please work here.”

“Harm...the doctor wants you to rest.” Mattie spoke the words and forgot to write them down.

“What?”

“Sorry.” Mattie picked up the pen and wrote - U rest DR says

Harm made a face but headed toward his bedroom. He wobbled a little on his stairs while Mattie held her breath, but he made it. Mattie let herself out and headed for the apartment next door she shared with Jen.

Each day Harm’s hearing gradually improved. He hated the silence and as soon as he could pick up any sound, he had his music blaring. In the evening, Mattie helped prepare their dinner while Harm checked her homework. Jen would joint them to eat unless she had a class, and then they played charades, Scrabble, and other assorted board games. Harm had started to read lips enough so that he could usually figure out what they were saying to him.

Mac checked in every day with Mattie and Jen. She didn’t always come to see Harm. Things with her and Webb had cooled and she wasn’t sure where she wanted to see that relationship go. Part of her felt that it was because Webb was always gone. Next time she saw him, she wanted to make sure he understood what she expected out of their relationship if they were to have a chance. If he couldn’t agree to her demands, then she would cut him loose.

Harm had been home alone when she had stopped, his music blaring. She had told him that she now suspected that Sadik was there and he was toying with her. She reminded him of his prediction while they were in Paraguay - the one about Sadik coming after them. Mac now believed it to be true. As she explained it to Harm before Mattie could come in, he had commented on her premonitions coming true after he had tried to shrug them off. He was almost sarcastic, but not quite.

Mattie arrived with sandwiches and offered Mac to join them. Mac declined but asked Mattie to take care of Harm for her. Mattie had agreed before instructing Harm to eat.

“Not hungry.”

“Yes. Mattie says eat.” She glared at Harm and held out the plate of sandwiches to him. He raised his eyebrow. For a few seconds, Mattie thought Harm might pull rank on her. Instead he laughed and reached for a sandwich. This was what being a family was all about - taking care of each other.

As the day went on, Harm found he could hear a little more, that the vertigo still plagued him, but that he wasn’t as exhausted all the time. Talking on the phone was still a problem, although he could hear it ring. Mattie tried to stay nearby so that she could take the phone calls letting Harm know who was calling, what they needed, and when he should be able to get back to them.

He watched Mattie laughing and talking on the phone that had recently rung. He waited wondering if it was Mac...hoping it was Mac. They hadn’t heard from her for a couple of days and he was concerned. Not that he could do much to help her if she needed help...but he could talk to her...hear some of what she was thinking if she was here in person. He saw Mattie hang up the phone.

“Mac?”

“No...the Admiral. He asked if I had better luck with you then I did.” Mattie and the Admiral had gotten off to a rocky start but for the same reasons they had formed a bond of sorts and each respected the other and enjoyed sharing Harm stories.

“Wow...looked like you were both in good moods.”

“Of course...he may be bald and sometimes mean, but we understand each other.”

“You do?”

“Yeah...we both know how aggravating you can be at times...and how caring.”

Harm was touched, although he didn’t agree yet with her interpretation that the Admiral saw him as caring...the words he had used to dismiss Harm...and to bring him back...still stung a little. But the fact that Mattie realized he cared meant a lot. If he could only get Mac to understand.

“Were you expecting Mac to call?” Mattie asked him.

“What...oh yeah...I know she’s got some stuff things she’s dealing with. I hoped she would check in.”

“You want me to call her for you?” Mattie offered.

“NO!”

“Why not?”

“Because she might be busy.”

“You mean she might be seeing Webb?”

“What do you know about Webb?”

“Not much, just that she’s mentioned meeting him or that he cancelled a few times. You know Harm, I really wish you’d explain to me what the story is with you and Mac.”

“There is no story...and if there were I wouldn’t go there with you. What time is Jen coming over?”

“Changing the subject huh? Jen said she would be securing early today and should be here any minute. Scrabble this time?”

“That’s good. Did you get our dinner in the oven?” asked Harm going into Dad mode.

“Yes...I’ll let you off the hook this time Dad...but one of these days you will have to explain why two people that care about each as much as you and Mac aren’t together.”

1540 Local

Mac’s Apartment

Georgetown

With Sadik’s voice echoing in her ear, she grabbed the phone and called Kershaw.

“It’s Mackenzie...Sadik called my house. He’s wants to meet me.”

“Where are you now?”

“My place. Sadik’s been here...Left me a diamond even.”

“Ready to set a trap?”

“Are you calling the shots?”

“Yes...but I’ll take any suggestions you have.”

“Let me hear your plan,” Mac instructed feeling herself rely on her Marine training to get her through this.

“Dress in something that will get his attention...maybe distract him. Challenge his principals. We’ll put a wire on you and stay as close as possible. See what you can get him to reveal. Word has it he can be goaded into saying more then he wants to at times.”

“Webb?”

“Out of the country. You’re on your own out there, but I promise you’ll we’ll be listening and come in on your command.”

“Can we put a guard on Harm?”

“Sadik is after you. Why waste a man on Rabb?”

“They already tried to get him once.”

“No...they didn’t want to kill him...just keep him out of the picture so he could get to you. He probably figures that Webb is dead and Gunny doesn’t count in his book. Rabb didn’t embarrass him the way you did...not breaking...getting away...and then going after his funding source.”

“Alright. Where do you want me to meet you and when?”

“One hour, mobile center on the mall. I’ll watch for you. Come alone.”

Mac showered and dressed in a white suit she had bought to where for Easter dinner with the Roberts clan. It was white with pintucks on the bodice and sheer sleeves. It showed a little cleavage but appeared quite modest and almost virginal at first sight. However, striking a pose the cleavage became for revealing and the little pearl buttons holding the top closed became an invitation in themselves. When Harriet and informed her that they had invited Mattie and Harm to join them, Mac had thought it would be a great chance to torment the man a little. She had told him never but in recent weeks, she was beginning to rethink her statement.

Once dressed with her make-up done to create a dramatic effect, Mac put on her off white coat and scarf. The damp air, wind, and cool evening temperatures required it. Not only that, she needed to see Harm again before she faced Sadik. His instincts were good and she wanted - needed - to run this operation by him before she confronted Sadik. If he had doubts - or she did - after talking to Harm, she would call it. She planned to tell Kershaw that up front whether he liked it or not.

1740 Local

Harm’s Loft

North of Union Station

“I’ll get it!”

“Get what?” Harm asked puzzled as Mattie jumped up from the table where they were playing scrabble waiting for dinner to finish cooking.

“Hey Mac...”

“Hi Mattie...Harm here.”

“Yeah...come on in.”

“Jen, I need to talk to Harm alone.”

“Yes Ma’am...come on Mattie.” Jen and Mattie headed back to their places while Mac approached Harm, not sure how much he could hear yet.

“What’s up?”

“I was right. Sadik’s here in DC. Did you hear that?”

“Yeah, I heard you. Are you sure?”

“He called me at my house two hours ago and he killed Van Dyne.” Mac handed Harm some pictures Kershaw had just given her of what Sadik might look like. He had a variety of disguises on in them.

“Where’d you get there?”

“CIA”

“Are they on him?”

“They will be.”

“Well, what do you want me to do?” Harm asked as he sat down, his balance wobbling just a bit despite the rapid improvement in his hearing through out the day.

“Be careful. He may not look like any of those pictures.”

“You’re the one that needs to be careful, Mac.”

“Believe me...I am.”

“He knows your phone number. He knows where you live.”

Mac sat in the chair Mattie had been using. “I have this creepy feeling he’s studying me.”

“He wants to get you on your own. He’s daring you to get closer to him.”

“But why would he do that?” Mac wanted to hear Harm’s theory on this. He at least knew how a man thought, even if he couldn’t figure her out...although lately he seemed to be hitting pretty close on that too. “It doesn’t make sense to me.”

“He’s seducing you.”

“What?” Harm using the word seducing in a sentence directed at her, gave her a moments pause despite the seriousness of the situation she must soon face. One part of her wanted him to take her in his arms and just hold her and the other part wanted him to kick her out so she could get pissed off enough to do the job required of her. She realized that Harm was talking, explaining what he meant.

“He’s forced you to think about him. He wants something from you, Mac...and he may just have found your weakness.”

“What weakness?” She didn’t need him to give her doubts now.

“You want to know what he’s up to...so that way he uses your intelligence against you.” Harm watched Mac get out of the chair and tighten her coat at her neck. “Where you going now Mac? I’m coming with you.” Harm wobbled again as he moved to follow her.

“You can’t help Harm. Frankly, you’re still a liability.”

Harm knew that she was right. All he could do was say some prayers. “Be careful...” he said as she let herself out and he seated himself back in his chair.

Outside the loft, Mac leaned against the door for a second to focus herself. She tapped on Mattie and Jen’s door to let them know they should go back with Harm, but left before they opened it.

“Was that Mac leaving?” Mattie asked.

“I think so. I think she wants us to go back over now.”

“She doesn’t want Harm left alone...does she?” Mattie asked turning worried eyes to her adopted big sister.

“I don’t think so. Ready?”

“Yeah...our dinner should be ready. I hope Harm’s no so upset that he can’t eat.”

By the time the girls rejoined Harm, he had set the table and was getting the casserole out of the oven. He did everything he could to make things appear normal. He didn’t want the girls worrying about him or Mac. He was worrying enough for all of them.

1930 Local

Harm’s Apartment

North of Union Station

Jen had left for her class after dinner. Harm was checking Mattie’s homework while Mattie did the dishes. He loved hearing the shrinking of the plates and glasses with the silverware. It was a sound he hadn’t been able to hear at lunch time, but now it made him smile.

When the phone rang he didn’t even hesitate to pick it up. It was Bud. He could hear his voice clearly on the line and knew that despite a little dizziness when he moved too quickly he was ready to return to work. The dizziness might even be gone by morning. What Harm didn’t see was the dejected look on Mattie’s face when she realized that Harm’s hearing was back. He would be returning to work and he wouldn’t need her the same anymore. She had loved being able to do things for him. Now he was healthy again, he wouldn’t let her take care of him anymore.

2140 Local

Middle East Settlement

Washington DC

Mac had paused to look in the mirror and tell herself she wasn’t sorry for killing Sadik. He had come close to killing Webb and her in the Chaco Boreal and he had killed the missionary couple. He had hurt Harm by making the battery blow up. She saw the blood on her lip, felt the bruises forming on her body - her hip and shoulder were sore - and her new dress was torn. Mac felt like a fire was pumping through her body as she walked away from the scene.

One of Kershaw’s men met her and took her statement in the mobile unit that had been moved closer to the site. She wanted to leave but they wouldn’t let her use her car until they had checked it out and made sure it was safe. She gave them the address where she wanted to be dropped and where one of their men would bring her car within the hour. It was an alley north of union station.

PART 4

2250 Local

Harm’s Loft

North of Union Station

Mattie had left twenty minutes ago when Jen got home. They were splurging on hot fudge sundaes before they went to bed. Harm declined the offer to join them. He needed to be alone. He couldn’t keep up the appearance of not having a care in the world any more. He was worried about Mac. He had tried to call her cell and it was off. He left a message on her voice mail.

“Mac...I’m worried about you. Stop by or call...I’ll be able to talk to you on the phone...my hearing’s returned - mostly. I’d rather see for myself that you’re okay. If you need to vent - debrief - whatever...I’m here.”

Three laps around the apartment and he heard a knock on his door. Pulling the door open he spotted Mac. He took in the bruised lip, the torment in her eyes, the unspoken need he knew all too well. He pulled her into the room and shut the door, before turning to take her in his arms without a word.

This wasn’t about sex. It wasn’t about control. It was about being with another human being and being glad to be alive. Neither of them spoke as they held on to each other. Mac’s face pressed against his chest. Harm’s faced rest on her hair. Mac’s arms wrapped around his waist. Harm’s arms wrapped around her creating a shelter to protect her and keep her close.

Harm wasn’t sure how long they stood like that before Mac began to ease away from him. He let her go although he wasn’t sure he wanted to.

“Let me take your coat Mac. You want coffee...tea...water...?”

“I want a drink but I won’t have one...tea would be good.” She unbuttoned her coat and Harm took it to hang it up before noticing the torn sleeve.

“Mac - what happened?”

Looking at the torn sleeve, Mac shrugged and then had a sudden urge to shower. “I’ve got to go home...I need a shower.” Her voice was barely more then a whisper, but Harm either knew or heard her. She wasn’t sure which it was.

“Mac...don’t go. Go take a shower here....Mattie left her laundry here earlier...she’s got sweatpants you can wear...and I’ve got a shirt that will fit. I’ll get the tea and then we’ll talk.”

Mac nodded and made her way to the bathroom. Harm put the kettle on, before pulling out the clothes for Mac to wear and laying them on his bed. “Mac, there are clean towels on the shelf over the toilet.”

“I see them. Thanks.”

“The clean clothes are on my bed.”

“Okay.”

“Herbal or regular.”

“Herbal’s good.”

Harm set the cinnamon spice tea to steep and put some cookies on a plate when he heard the shower shut off. He and Mattie had made the cookies together.

“Table of sofa?” Harm asked as Mac came down the steps looking soft and cuddly in Mattie’s sweat pants and his long sleeved t-shirt.

“Sofa, please.”

Harm let Mac settle on his couch with her feet curled up under her. He handed her the tea and set the cookies on the coffee table before stepping past her and sitting on the other end of the couch turned to face her.

“I won’t push you Mac...but when you’re ready, I’ll listen. I’d like to know what you faced.”

“I know...but there’s a lot I can’t tell you.”

“I know...CIA...Did they give you the back up you needed?”

“Yes...Sadik’s dead.”

“They got him?”

“I did.”

“Oh Mac...”

“Don’t Harm...I’ll probably fall apart if you give me sympathy.”

“If you do, its because you need to deal with this.”

“You don’t know what I need remember?” Mac asked Harm, her biting sarcasm escaping before she could stop it. “I’m sorry.”

“I know...its okay. This is what happened to us in Paraguay Mac. I understand it now.”

“What do you mean Harm?”

“Remember when I found you?”

“Yes...I was so relieved, but I couldn’t take the time to relax and show you or tell you that right then. After the plane went down...and I shot at you in the truck...I was disoriented and reeling from the reality that I could have killed you. My vision was blurred because of a concussion...I was still trying to accept that I had needed to kill men with my bare hands to get you to safety...and neither of us took the time to just let those emotions out and deal with them...so we got nasty with each other. My jealousy was out of control and it made it worse...I’m sorry.”

“So you’re saying that I should just fall apart and everything will be okay? I don’t think so Harm.”

“Tell me what you can. I can probably fill in the blanks.”

So Mac started telling Harm the story of what had happened with Sadik. She left some of it out, but not the part about being weak or an infidel or a whore. She could see the anger in Harm’s face.

“I killed him Harm. I shot him in the shoulder thinking if I disabled him it would be enough. I knew the back up troops were on their way in...but then I had the image in my head of what he put Clay through and that he had killed those missionaries and I shot him again...in the head.”

“Your dress was ripped and your lip is bruised...I’d say you left the part out about the hand to hand combat. Am I right?”

“Yes.”

“Mac...did he...rape you?”

“No...I was dirty...not pure enough for his touch...”

“Mac he was trying to put you down...make himself feel better. Don’t let him win. You are a strong, intelligent woman, and you have so much to offer and contribute to life. You don’t need a man or anyone to think for you...but I must admit I find myself wanting to protect you at times even though I don’t need to. Why do you suppose that is?”

“Your hero complex at work I guess” Mac shrugged and then shivered.

“You’re cold...come here.” Harm reached for the throw on the back of the sofa and held it open for her to move into. “Let me hold you and warm you up a little.”

“Harm, I’m sorry I said you would be a liability.” Mac spoke as she moved into his offered warmth.

“You were right. You usually are.” Harm settled her back against his chest and rested his chin on the top of her head, his arms loosely holding her. He didn’t want her to feel trapped, just safe.

“I’m glad we’re talking again...and we’ve got our friendship back.”

“Me too. Mattie’s been asking me about us.”

“What have you told her?”

“That we’ve know each other a long time. That we have our ups and downs but that we care about each other...and that I’m trying to rebuild our friendship.”

“We’re trying to build our friendship,” Mac corrected him.

“We are.”

They fell silent then, just needing to be close and feel safe.

0512 Local

Harm’s Loft

North of Union Station

Harm woke first feeling a pressure on his chest. A little alarmed at first, he opened his eyes and then remembered where he was and what the pressure was. He had somehow stretched out on the sofa during the night and Mac was laying on his chest, his arms still loosely around her only resting at her waist, just above the swell of her six. She had turned over in the night and her breasts were pressed against his chest, her arms circling his neck. He groaned as he felt his body react to her closeness.

“Mac?”

“Mmmm...?”

“Wake up...we need to get ready for work.”

“Harm? What...oh...”

Harm knew when she had woken up enough to realize where they were and what had happened. She had looked around and slid her hands down his chest. Hopefully she would sit up and move off him without realizing what he wanted to happen about now. He was mesmerized by her gracefulness as she swung her legs around and sat up on his thighs before standing up, leaving the throw draped over him and mercifully hiding his condition in the folds of the material.

“Thanks for letting me crash here...I didn’t mean to use you for a pillow.”

“If I had thought you’d stay the night I would have suggested the comfortable bed up there. You okay?”

“Yeah...I’m going to change and then go home. See you at JAG.”

“Mac...wear what you’ve got on. Don’t put your torn clothes on...don’t wear those reminders.”

“Ok - thanks. You’re back alright?” Mac asked as he swung his feet to the floor and stood up holding the throw in front of himself still.

“Its fine. You want anything to eat or drink before you leave?”

“No...I’m good...I’ll see you later.”

“Mac...wait...you’re probably going to find being alone tough for awhile. Come over here anytime...Mattie and Jen would love to have you help them gang up on me...and I really could use the adult company in the evening.”

“Thanks...we’ll see okay?”

“You still seeing Webb?”

“I haven’t told him I won’t see him yet.”

“We’re just friends, so it shouldn’t matter, right?” Harm asked as his heart bled a little more for what he wished they had.

Mac didn’t answer, but scooped up her things and headed for the door. She had to get away from Harm right now. She couldn’t handle his rejection right now...not again. She had felt his erection when she had woken up, but he hadn’t let on. He obviously didn’t want her...not like she wanted him. And if he didn’t want her then she would turn to someone that did want her. Clay had been trying to get her to agree to move their relationship to the next level for months. If he tried again, she would agree.

0845 Local

Conference Room

JAG Headquarters

It hadn’t taken Harm long to realize that Mac was trying to keep him at a distance again. Her responses had been sharp, her sense of humor absent...he sighed knowing that holding her last night had not been enough. She needed to talk to someone about all that had gone down and she needed time to work through what had happened. At least she should be safe now.

Admiral Chegwidden watched Mac and he watched Harm watching Mac. Kershaw had called him to tell him what had gone down, but that didn’t explain the distance that was once again between his two senior attorneys. Since Harm had returned to JAG after his stint with the CIA, he had made every effort to play nice with his colleagues. Harm had matured into the man that he had always felt lurked below the surface. Unfortunately he still had a habit of saying the wrong things sometimes, or not saying anything when he should say something...but it wasn’t done out of malice, just cluelessness. This little set back worried him.

“Colonel Mackenzie meet Commander Rabb and myself in my office in ten minutes.”

“Aye-aye sir.”

“Commander Rabb...I’d like you to walk with me to my office now.”

“Is everything alright Admiral?”

“You tell me? Is there a problem with you and the Colonel?”

“No sir. We’ve been working on our friendship. I have a better understanding of what happened in Paraguay and we talked about it a little last night.”

“Last night?”

“Yes sir...after everything went down she came to talk to me.”

“Was she mad when she left?”

“No sir.” Harm prayed he wasn’t asked what time she left. He wasn’t ready to go there with the admiral concerning Mac just yet.

“Do you think you’ll have a problem working together on a case?”

“I don’t have a problem with it Admiral...and I don’t think Mac does either...I think this is still from what happened last night.”

“I tried to get her to take today off and she refused. Alright then, I’ve got a case for the two of you.” They had just entered the Admiral’s office, when Mac joined them. She was intense - a gung-ho Marine for sure - but she didn’t seem angry any more. She stood next to Harm while the Admiral took his seat.

Harm had to fight not to smile at her attitude especially when he realized that the Admiral wasn’t amused. He made up his mind right then and there to be calm and understanding with her and not take anything she did or said too personally.

Two days later

2320 Local

Mac’s Apartment

Mac was just getting ready to climb into bed when she heard a soft knock on her door. She thought of Harm, but when she looked it was Clay standing there. She opened the door for him determined to take their relationship to the next level in hopes that she would be able to put Harm behind her seeing as he wouldn’t even try anything with her when he was fully aroused. She needed to feel desirable and Clay could at least do that for her...if he would.

She opened the door and launched herself into his arms. He tried talking to her, but she demanded sexual gratification and would accept nothing less. She undressed him as she led him through her apartment toward her bed.

Clay wasn’t going to pass up the very thing he had been after for years. He wanted Sarah Mackenzie and in a few minutes she would be his. He had a feeling he could safely say that Rabb had never claimed her as he intended to do. If so, he wouldn’t be getting this chance.

Clay tried to tell her that it was a quick visit but she wasn’t listening. Kershaw had filled him in on what had gone down and he suspected that Mac was still on an adrenaline high. When he was, sex was one of the best things to help get through the night. It was the intimacy that he needed, but without the emotional baggage. Its one reason that many CIA agents stayed single. They didn’t have to worry about tarnishing an exclusive relationship or cheating. Having a relationship with Mac who could understand that part of his life, was just so perfect.

When they had finished, he tried talking to her again. Mac shut him down. He tried tickling her and she got mad. He took a swig of conya from the bottle as he dressed.

“Sarah you are on an adrenaline high. It’s a rush to kill someone and when you’ve been engaged in a situation that gets personal, you tend to feel more alive. There’s a documented connection between intimate violence and sexuality.” Clay tried to kiss Mac again and she pushed him away.

“We were so close,” Clay commented as he finished dressing.

“To what?”

“Having a nice evening.”

“I think maybe we’d better wait a while to see each other again.”

“Is this because I have to go?”

“You always have to go...and I’m not sure this is going to work.” Mac watched him leave and then picked up a glass on conya he had left behind. She studied it thinking about the kind of escape alcohol could give her. Mac threw down the glass catching her hand on the corner of the table when she did. She refused to give into a drink for Clay...but she sure wished Harm was here to hold her through the night again. Maybe Sadik was right and she was a whore...a slut...wishing for one man’s arms after another man had just left her bed. Her self esteem dropped another notch. She had wanted to take her relationship with Clay to another level and now she had. She regretted her decision...but she couldn’t undo it. Now she had to decide where to go from here.

PART 5

Next Day

JAG Headquarters

Harm and Mac were on opposing sides in the case they had been assigned to. Mac was swift and decisive in making her decisions about everything. The investigation continued for several days before they began presenting the evidence and facts in front of Judge Blakely. Harm cringed at Mac’s demeanor. The normally competent, level headed woman he had known for years was absent. Colonel Blakely threatened to hold her in contempt. After court, Mac couldn’t believe she had acted so out of character. She was heading down the corridor at the end of the day when she saw Harm approaching her.

“Can I walk you out, Tiger?”

“I don’ t know what happened in there Harm.”

“Colonel Mackenzie. My office...now.”

“Yes sir.”

“Call me if you want to talk...or just come over.” Harm saw her nod as she hurried to the Admiral’s office. Harm knew that the admiral was going to demand that Mac get some professional help. She wouldn’t be happy about it.

Mac started in once she was in the Admiral’s office. He shut her down with the clipped phrase, “Tone, Colonel.”

When she started to make a rude reply he barked, “Lock it up Marine!”

Mac knew she had gone to far with the Admiral this time.

“You will get your butt to the shrink and deal with this. Is that understood?”

“Aye-aye sir.”

That evening, Mac went to see Clay. He had been drinking. She wanted to lash out at someone. Harm had been so kind, he didn’t deserve it, but Clay might be willing to take another tumble in bed. It hadn’t been too bad and it had been awhile...so long that she had felt a little uncomfortable, but maybe now it would be better. He let her in and Mac made her move right away.

When she got close to him she had been able to smell the liquor on his breath so she kissed him and then tried licking his lips for the taste. A drink sounded so good, but sex would do also. Clay could give her the taste of one while they indulged in the other.

Only Clay wasn’t playing along. He pushed her away and told her she needed to get some help dealing with everything she had gone through in the past year.

“You been talking to Chegwidden?” Mac shot at him at his suggestion.

“No...but normally you are reasonable. Composed, in control. Tonight you are none of those things. You aren’t dealing with the real issues.”

“And you are? Did you get help?”

“Yes...its standard operating procedure.”

“You can’t stand that I finihsed your assignment just last week.”

“Go home and gets some sleep.”

Mac walked away and looked around the apartment studying the pictures on Clay’s walls. “Things...not one human being in this place. You can’t stand the challenge of things being messy - getting emotional. Things get uncomfortable and you clear out.”

“Says the woman that hadn’t had one consistent relationship in her whole life...oh yeah...I forgot about Harm.”

“You don’t know anything about him.”

“I know that his being unavailable had given you something to hide behind....I didn’t mean that,” Clay started for her feeling contrition and wanting to make it right.

“Yes you did - Don’t touch me!” Mac hollered at him backing away.

“Oh come on...I thought that’s why you came here - so I would touch you. See I’ve been stupid enough to think that you like the feel of my hands on you Sarah.”

“Think what you want - just get out of my way.”

“Oh come on...it’s taken us eight months to get this far. You going to throw it away in one night?”

“Just where are we Webb? And what am I throwing away?”

“A shot at happiness Sarah.”

“You don’t have what it takes to make me happy!” Mac grabbed her things and stormed out of Clays’ apartment slamming the door behind her. She was ready to explode. She didn’t want to take her tortured state out on Harm, even thought he didn’t want her, they were friends. With no other options she went home and called for an appointment with Dr. Vera McCool, Commander in the US Navy stationed at Bethesda. It happened that she was on call and could see her right away.

Mac refused putting it off for a day. She was too vulnerable tonight...she needed to find some control before she went. She had a reprieve until 0700 the next morning.

Next Day

JAG Headquarters

Court still wasn’t going well. Harm’s objections to her line of questioning kept being supported by the judge. She couldn’t seem to get a handle on things. Her self esteem plummeted and she couldn’t stop thinking about the thinks Dr. McCool had said that morning.

During a lunch break, Harm approached her in the hall as he often had over the years.

“Mac, you’re not arguing the case in there. You need to get your client to own up to his mistakes and take responsibility for his actions.”

Mac was already angry because she had looked so bad in court that morning. Hence, she lashed out at Harm, “When was the last time you admitted to being wrong about anything?”

“Oh, you want to get personal?”

“Yeah, maybe I do,” Mac challenged glaring at him. If he only knew how personal she wanted to get with him...but not seeing that as a possibility she challenged him as they had challenged each other over the years.

“Alright...I’m the one with grown-up responsibilities now...Mattie...the house I’m trying to buy...at least I’m finally letting people into my life.” Harm held her gaze, not looking away, not showing anger. He stated facts.

“Mmmm...toys. What happens when you get bored with suburbia, Harm? Are you going to lose interest in Mattie like you did your brother? He preferred life in Russia to being here being ignored by you...yet you fight to draw people into your circle, just so you can push them away again.”

For a split second Harm felt the hurt Mac was trying to inflict as she lashed out at him. But he didn’t react to it, because he knew almost instantly that this was how she was dealing with her feelings of inadequacy, fear, shame, loneliness...and then he knew as clearly as he knew his own name. “This isn’t about me losing interest in Mattie...you think I’m losing interest in you.”

He was too close to the truth! Mac walked away before she gave herself away completely. How did he know? Had Sturgis told him? She wanted to run, but her training kicked in and she knew she couldn’t do it. She went to her office and closed the door. She needed to regroup before she had to return to court.

That afternoon Harm had a chance to say to Mac what he felt needed to be said, but he would say it about her client and see if she got it. If she did, then maybe there was still hope from them.

“There’s a problem with being a loner...you often find yourself on the outside looking in. You make it impossible to be your friend and then wonder why you feel so alone.” Harm turned to face Mac and he could tell she heard him and got his message.

0730 Local

Next Day

Dr. McCool’s Office

“I was always afraid that my father would mistake me for my mother and put his fist through my face...you know, I’ve been thinking about what you said...about my aggression. I think you could be right. I’m not sure I know how to stop though.”

“Trying sitting down with those people you’ve been aggressive with. Help them understand that you are dealing with a situation that makes you angry and its that causing your aggression and not them. Apologize and ask them to help you through this or to give you space. You need to decide what you need and then ask for it.”

“What if they won’t listen?”

“You won’t know unless you try...and if they don’t you can always come back here and talk to me.”

“Alright...I’ve fulfilled my obligation to my commanding officer. Thank you.” Mac took her things and left Bethesda...but she didn’t stop thinking about any of it.

1023 Local

Court Room

JAG Headquarters

Mac was questioning Petrosia after he had been approached by none other then Corporal Strange to testify on his behalf. He hadn’t wanted to do it, but Strange had asked nicely and Petrosia wasn’t cruel enough to carry a grudge after all these years.

Harm now had a chance to question Petrosia and challenge him. “Were you lying then or lying now?”

“Then, sir.”

“An apology can go a long way, can’t it?”

“Yes sir.”

“I have no more questions for this witness.”

“Colonel Mackenzie?”

“I’d like to call Corporal Strange to the stand again.”

“Very well. Corporal Strange, I will remind you that you are still under oath.”

“Corporal, did you intend to make the Marine Corps look bad?”

“No Ma’am.”

“Did you want to have some one recognize you for your heroic actions?”

“Yes, Ma’am...if just one of them had acknowledged my efforts...it may have made a difference...I know I was a jerk, Ma’am...but it didn’t stop me from doing my duty.”

“You wanted someone to recognize what you’d been through and in do doing you went about it the wrong way.” Mac turned to look at Harm as she spoke. She saw his smile and nod and knew he understood what she was trying to say.

“Yes Ma’am.”

After court, Harm approached Mac. “If you aren’t doing anything later...”

“Thanks Harm...maybe...I need to see Clay first.”

“Oh...okay...I’ll be home”

“Thanks Harm.”

1945 Local

Clay’s Apartment

Alexandria, Virginia

Mac was trying to explain to Clay what she was feeling and he kept interrupting her, commenting on her explanations and trying to kiss her.

“Stop it Clay...I’m not dealing with you when you’re like this...you shut me up one more time when I need you and we’re done.”

“Alright...I’ll listen...”

“Sadik wanted me. I could tell and I tried showing him my body. I wanted to prove he was like every other man...”

“I’m not sure I like that.”

“Clay,” Mac warned before continuing. “He resisted me...resisted temptation. He had the strength to resist, something I’ve always wanted.”

“I still think you did what you had to do Sarah.”

“Clay, that report was agency charity. He was down when I shot him.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

“Clay, he hurt someone I love.”

“I love you too, Sarah.” Clay leaned closer.

She couldn’t do this. She had made an astounding realization as she talked to Clay. Only one man in her life had resisted her, even when he wanted her. He had put her needs first. He had listened to her and taken her at her word, even if she hadn’t been fair or told him a lie. The very things that she wanted - for a man to resist her - were the very things that made her mad and made her turn away from him...and a shot at happiness.

“Clay, I’m sorry...I have to leave. I need to see someone.”

“Are you coming back?”

“I don’t know...not tonight for sure.”

“Are you going to Rabb?”

“You don’t get to ask that question.”

“Where are you going?”

“To apologize to people I’ve hurt and to ask them to give me another chance.”

2105 Local

Harm’s Loft

North of Union Station

Harm was sitting on his sofa trying to focus on a book he had been trying to read for awhile. Mattie had given it to him at Christmas, and he usually enjoyed the work of this author, but he was having trouble focusing. The female lead in the story sounded too much like Mac for his peace of mind. He found himself wondering how she was doing and if she had worked things out with Clay.

He had finally admitted to himself that he loved her, but more then anything he wanted her to be happy. That’s why he never interfered in her relationships, beyond some sputtering. He wanted her but she needed to want him too. He wouldn’t take advantage of her. Too many man had done that to her and she would have to see that he was different. He wasn’t like other men. Yes he could be protective and he could be a jerk at times...but he truly respected her and wanted her to be happy. He was not going to impose his desires on her until she could see that about him and valuable what he could give her that no one else had. He feared she would never understand. He was roused from his thought by a soft knock on his door.

“Mac? Come in....you okay?”

“Can I talk to you Harm?”

“Of course...can I get you anything?”

“Not right now...maybe later.”

“Okay...sofa?” She nodded at his question and he followed her to his black leather sofa.

“Harm...I’m not sure where to start...yes I am...I need you to know I was wrong.”

“Oh...which time particularly are you thinking about?” Harm spoke softly and gave her a gentle smile.

“In Paraguay...by the cab.”

“Oh?” Harm could feel his heart pounding but tried to remain calm. She had been through an emotional rollercoaster of late and he knew she shouldn’t be held to any promises she made at a time like this...no matter how tempting.

“I shouldn’t have said never Harm...I’m sorry...I’ve missed my friend.”

“I’m here...from now on.”

“Really?”

“I promise Mac. We were both traumatized from that experience - in different ways for the most part - but still...neither of us totally knew what the other had been through at the moment. We need to let ourselves heal and forgive and forget.”

“There are some things I don’t want to forget.”

“Like what?”

“Like the way you looked at me when I was taking my bath and that you told me you think I’m beautiful.”

“I do you know.”

“You seldom say personal things like that Harm.”

“I know...I’ll try to do better about that.”

“I’d like that...put it on that first page of the manual you wanted me to give you.”

“Yeah? What else should I put in this manual?”

“You probably have a better idea then I do, Harm.” Mac sat still next to him on the couch, their hands touching where they met on the sofa between them. “Tell me what you’ve got in there so far...okay?”

“Sure...let’s see...I know you want a good career, a good man and lots and lots of comfortable shoes...and I know that you want a family of your own...with a man like me for the father.”

“Go on.”

“You want to be told you look good, that you’ve done a good job...and not always treated like ‘Mac’ one of the boys. You like to be held tight at times when you are feeling lost and alone. You liked to be challenged but sometimes, you appreciated being pampered.”

“I think that manual almost filled up...there may be one or two more things...but I’m not sure yet.”

“Like what?” Harm asked hope and desire spreading through out his body.

“Well, the very thing that makes me maddest about you might be the very reason I’m here right now.”

“Tell me more, Mac,” Harm instructed her feeling a strange sense of well-being creep over him.

“You know how I hate being told what to do, how to think, having my feelings questioned?”

“Yes...”

“Well, I also discovered that I hate having you take me at my word.”

“I’m not following Mac...tell me more.” A glimmer of hope burned brightly in Harm’s soul. He needed her to say this to him.

“Please hear me out...this won’t be easy to hear me say this...but let me finish?”

“Yes...go on.”

“As I told Clay earlier tonight, I wanted Sadik to see my body and I knew he wanted me. But I wanted him to prove to me he was as pure as he claimed...I wanted him to resist me. I wanted him to be unlike almost every other man in my life...he resisted me...he resisted temptation the way I’ve always wanted to be able to do.”

Harm swallowed but forced himself to maintain eye contact with her as she said things he didn’t want to hear or even think about.

“Harm, the other night after I shot Sadik and I came here, you held me. And in the morning when I woke up...I new you wanted me...it was obvious...” she paused as he blushed, then continued when he held her gaze and squeezed her hand. “...But I got mad that you resisted me and I thought you didn’t want me...that even though you were aroused, I wasn’t what you wanted. It wasn’t until I told Clay tonight about Sadik that I realized that I got mad at you when you were the only man in my life that had consistently put me first and resisted me and any temptation I threw your way. You’ve never been one to resist though...except me.”

Harm’s smile lit his face as he held her hand and her gaze. “I told you it was only with you a long time ago, Sarah...but you didn’t understand.”

“You needed me to figure this out on my own, didn’t you?”

“Yes...but I needed to figure it out too. I only figured it out recently...at least enough to put it into words.”

“So where does this leave us now?” Mac asked thinking about the time she had asked him that question after the JAG-athon. She hoped he wouldn’t say back at the beginning this time.

“Too far away at the moment,” Harm whispered as he tugged her hands urging her closer. “It’s getting harder and harder...”

“Really?” Mac asked as she moved closer.

“To resist you anymore...be good...isn’t that what you told me once before under that dining room table?” Harm reminded her of the time he had told her he’d be gentle taking the lead on a case and she had told him to be good. He put her hands on his shoulder and leaned toward her as he whispered, “Come closer.”

“Like this?” she asked as she straddled his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“We still have a lot of things to work out and talk over, Mac...but I want you to know I love you...and have for a long time.”

“Harm...I’m not sure I’m ready for this.”

“Knowing how much I want you...knowing that I love you...both...neither? Talk to me Mac.” Harm’s hands were traveling up and down her back.

“I don’t want to take any backward steps...but I want to take my time making decisions about next steps and what we should do.”

“Can we hold each other...kiss...and stuff?”

“And stuff?” Mac grinned.

“Yeah, stuff...It works when I talk to Mattie.” Harm grinned and shrugged not wanting to presume, but wanting to show her a little of what she’s been missing.

“Like what?”

“I want to lock that door, and talk you to my bedroom and show you how much I want you. I stop when you’ve had enough...but I would like you to stay all night.”

“I like that idea...I’ve wondered what this moment would be like,” Mac admitted as she stood and followed him across the loft.

Part 6

2140 Local

Harm’s Loft

North of Union Station

Harm turned Mac into his arms and lowered his head to take her lips with his. His lips were soft, yet firm. He nibbled her upper lip and then pulled at her lower lip before letting his tongue trace the shape of both upper and lower lips. He felt her fingers slide through his hair and then lock behind his head holding him there. He felt her tongue repeat his actions on his lips before her mouth opened to welcome him.

Somehow they managed to remove most of their clothes and get into bed, wearing just their underwear - Harm his boxer briefs and Mac a pair of satin panties with a matching bra.

Harm felt Mac’s foot sliding up his leg and then back down. He pulled her closer and heard her gasp.

“You okay?”

“I’ve been having trouble with backaches...I think I pulled something when I fought with Sadik.”

“You want me to rub it?”

“I’d rather have more kisses and touching right now,” Mac admitted.

“I can do that...” Harm lowered his head to capture her mouth once again. He slid his hand across her torso and then up to the underside of her bra. His hand rasped against the satiny material but she felt the heat of his hand there and pressed his hand against her. Her erect nipple pressed against his palm, as he touched her...kissed her...and aroused her to a level that matched his own arousal.

Mac could feel her panties dampening with desire as Harm kissed her mouth and caressed her breast. She had never been so turned on by simple kissing and a touch as she was at the moment with Harm. She could feel his erection brush against her leg as she moved it between his, wanting to get closer.

When she felt the catch on her bra release and her breasts freed to his touch, she got brave enough to reach her hand between them to caress his straining erection, begging to be freed. She heard his gasp and knew that he was in the same state of want and need as she was.

The last of their clothing was removed. Mac felt Harm’s mouth on her breast and his hand slip between her legs to the moist heat hidden there. She writhed on the bed as he touched her and lathed her breasts and nipples with the very tongue she had been tantalized by for years when it peaked out between his teeth as he laughed or was lost deep in thought.

Mac had released Harm as she was lost in the sensations he was creating in her body with his touch and kisses. Now she reached for him again.

“Wait a minute...here it is...I need to set a good example you know,” Harm whispered as he handed Mac the condom. He lay back and let her roll it on him, giving her the power and control he knew she craved.

“Harm...I want you inside me now...you be on top this time.”

Carefully he positioned himself above her, raising her left leg over his shoulder before guiding himself to her heated core.

Mac felt the blunt head of him push against her. She tried not to tense, but it had hurt when she had been with Clay, and he was no where near the size of Harm. She hoped she could handle this...she wanted to...but as he pushed deeper, she let out a little whimper she couldn’t stop. Unlike Clay, Harm froze.

“Mac, are you okay? Am I hurting you?”

“I think its okay...its not bad...try a little more...”

Harm carefully pressed on, but stopped when he felt her tense. “I’m hurting you...”

“Wait...let me wrap my legs around your waist...I think that’s a better angle.” She had been right, and he felt himself slide in quiet a bit without the tenseness he had felt before.

“Okay?”

“Yes...do it again Harm,” she instructed, so he carefully withdrew and then pushed in again, much easier this time. She tightened her legs around him urging him on. She could hear the moistness between them, as his flesh met hers. He reached his hand between them and found the hidden bundle of nerves with his thumb, and brushed against it. He could hear her gasping and drawing a shuddering breath as he brought her to an orgasm over and over and over again before letting himself take his pleasure in her body.

As his hips pistoned against hers and her breasts brushed his chest hair, stimulating their sensitive peaks even more, he emptied his seed into the condom he wore.

With her legs locked around him, he stayed over her, trying not to lower his weight on to her delicate body. She made have muscles, and be strong, but her bone structure would be considered small. She felt so delicate in his hands and under his body. He feared hurting her.

“Mac, I need to move to one side...loosen your leg hold, okay?”

“Do I have to?”

“Please?”

“Okay...that was great by the way...”

“I hurt you though at first.” Mac could hear the tender concern in Harm’s voice.

“I think I just needed a little different position and time to adjust.”

“Uh-oh...” Harm said as he tended to the condom. “Mac...it broke.”

“What?”

“The condom broke...I’m so sorry...”

“I was tested after Paraguay and have only had sex one since until now,” Mac told him.

“Really?”

“Yeah...it just didn’t seem right...and we used a condom.”

“I’m clean Mac...so disease shouldn’t be a worry...but are you using any other birth control?”

“No...but with my biological clock ticking...well let’s just say I wouldn’t be upset if it did happen. Would you?”

“No....I’ve dreamed of seeing you pregnant carrying my baby.”

“You’re funny sometimes, Sailor.”

“Are you laughing at me?”

“No...but I’m happy. You know it was only a year ago that you panicked thinking I wanted to move the deal up sooner.”

“I didn’t panic exactly...Look, I’m glad you’re happy. Let’s play it by ear and see what happens - if anything. In the meantime, we try to be careful. What do you think of being held in my arms all night long?”

“That could be nice. Are you going to ignore me in the morning if you wake up like you did last time?”

“Do you want me to ignore you?”

“No.”

“Good...resisting temptation’s not so satisfying.”

Harm settled Mac against him, and naked as the day they were born, they slept in each others arms.

0240 Local

Harm’s Room

“Mac? Are you okay?” Harm watched as Mac thrashed in the bed next to him, crying out at times. It was what had woken him. He tried protecting himself while reassuring her with his voice. “Mac...I’m here...you’re safe...relax...”

“Harm?” her sleepy voice finally responded to him. “Do you have a heating pad?”

“Yeah...are you okay?”

“My backaches a little...”

“I’ll get it for you...wait here.” Harm slid out of bed, grabbed his robe and headed for the kitchen. Mac heard him moving around and hear a ding. Soon he was returning. “This is one of those new ones you put in the microwave. No cord...where do you want it?”

Mac showed Harm where the discomfort was while he slid into bed again, without his robe. He helped her get the heating pad in place while she snuggled against him once again.

“I’m sorry about this Harm.”

“Don’t be. Is this from what we did?”

“Not really. I’ve been having some backache since I fought with Sadik. We may have aggravated it a little, but I wouldn’t change that for the world.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes.”

“Better now?”

“Yes...I think I could fall asleep again...I’m so tired.”

Harm dropped a gentle kiss on her lips and one on her brow, but she was already asleep. He watched her in the moonlight until he slept once again as well.

0619 Local

Harm’s Room

He could feel his blood pumping through his viens and pooling once again between his legs. The desire he felt this morning, made last night feel like nothing. Slowly he became aware of the hands caressing him down there and...was it her lips and mouth covering his erection? His eyes popped open and he looked down to see Mac, eyes closed, licking him like a dripping ice cream cone. He felt himself grow harder and saw her eyes open and look up at him. She smiled and crawled up his body to rest against his chest.

“Morning,” she whispered.

“What a way to wake up...morning to you too.”

“Do you mind?”

“Not at all...you did surprise me though.”

“Good.” Mac leaned in to kiss his lips and he eagerly met her mouth. “Thank you for everything last night.”

“Is there where you get up, get dressed and leave?”

“Not quite yet...but I thought I should go before Mattie gets here.”

“No...I mean, I don’t think we should be in bed, but we can shower, dress...you can have breakfast with us. Maybe spend the day?” Harm pleaded quietly.

“Are you sure? Won’t Mattie be upset if I horn in on your time together?”

“No. She’d like it. You know Mac, I understand you more because of what I’ve learned in order to help Mattie.”

“Really?”

“Yeah...I’ll tell you about it sometime...right now...while there’s still time...I’d rather show you a few things.”

“Like what?”

“Like how to finish what you started while I was still asleep,” he grinned as he reached for her, kissing her with all the love in his heart.

Mac was awed by his size and his gentleness a combination she had longed for but never enjoyed until now. When she whispered she wanted him inside her again, he turned the tables on her, and lifted her above him, helping her to guide him into her. The fact he was willing to have her on top this time, was not lost on her. He was letting her know that he was willing to let her have the upper hand, as long as they were together. She had been so wrong about things in Paraguay...and in Australia when it came to Harm. However, the idea of them having a child together was one of the smart things they had agreed on. She stopped and lifted off of Harm.

“You okay?” he quietly asked.

“Yes...but we forgot something. In your drawer?”

“Condom.” He reached for one and handed it to her. “Would you like the honors?”

 “I want to watch you do it this time.” Mac watched as he stroked himself and then rolled the condom on, making sure there were no wrinkles in it and plenty of space in the reservoir. He had a feeling this starting and stopping they were doing this morning had his body working over time.

Once the condom was in place, Mac eagerly straddled him again. They worked together until he was buried totally inside her. Mac worked her hips in a rocking motion until Harm thrust his hips upward. They found a pace that worked for both of them as they climbed the peak together, calling each other’s name as they climaxed. They lay together, spent and sated, gently touching and whispering to each other.

They showered together as if in a healing process. They talked about all kinds of things, just glad to be together in the moment.

“Have you heard from Tom Johnson?” Mac asked while she sipped her coffee at the island, while Harm mixed pancake batter in the kitchen.

“Yes. He came over for dinner and to spend time with Mattie the other night.”

“How did it go?”

“I’ve never seen such rude manners and heard such sarcasm before.”

“Really...was he drunk?”

“No...Tom was fine...it was Mattie.”

“Oh...what did you do?”

“I told her it wasn’t acceptable and then I left her alone to clean up while I went to take Tom back to the center. He’s trying hard Mac and Mattie isn’t ready to give him a chance. He seemed to understand and he’s not giving up. I went in with him and talked to some people there. They suggested Ala-teen for Mattie and Ala-non for Mattie and me together. You familiar with them?”

“I’ve heard of them. Are you going?”

“Mattie and I went to an Ala-non meeting together and she’s going to join Ala-teen. You know Mac...you might want to go to Ala-non meeting with us sometime.”

“Harm, I go to AA...you know that.”

“Yes...but you are also the child of an alcoholic...and you need to learn to understand how that effected you. Look, I don’t know what you’ve been through, but the night we went a man told his story. He is a recovering alcoholic but he said he didn’t start to heal until he addressed the child in him that had grown up with an alcoholic. He said that the family meetings have helped him understand more about himself. He knows what he did to others with his drinking, and he’s made amends...he gave himself up to a higher power...but he hadn’t healed the child inside him that had been abused, abandoned and frightened by an alcoholic parent. All I’m saying is that if you want to go...I’ll go with you...it is for families. Mattie said it helped her too.”

“It makes sense. Can I think about it?” Mac asked waiting to feel anger like she usually did when someone suggested she look into her past. When it didn’t come, she slid off the stool and joined Harm in the kitchen, wrapping her arms around his waist from behind and laying her face against his back. “I want to hold on to you...” she whispered.

“You’ve got me Mac...You’ve had me for a long, long time.”

“I’m not sure I deserve you. I’m a real gamble you know.”

“I’ll tell you what Mac....I’ll see your never you threw at me in Paraguay...”

“How will you do that?”

“I’ll go you one better...by raising the stakes.” He turned so he could see her face. “I’ve already shown you that I don’t care if you are on top. I’ve already shown you that I’m trying to understand you. Now I’m going to offer you something more daring then saying there’ll never be an us...I’m going to offer you forever. You up to the stakes Mac?”

“I don’t know Harm...I don’t know...” Mac buried her face against his shirt front and held on tight.

“It’s taken us eight years to get to this point, Mac...we don’t have to decide right now. I’m just going to ask you to take a shot at us after all. Spend time with me...and with Mattie. Don’t walk away when you get upset...don’t let me walk away either. We need to learn to talk things over and understand why we do the things we do and say what we say.”

“I know. I went to see Dr. McCool...Admiral’s orders...she told me that I use aggression to replace fear...that when I need someone to hold me, I push them away when what I need is to have someone hold me. But you knew that didn’t you?”

“Not for sure...so next time you start getting prickly, I should just take you in my arms and hold onto you? You won’t deck me?”

“I don’t know...I might...but I guess that’s what Dr. McCool was getting at.” Mac looked up at Harm, glad he was holding on to her. She trusted this man and allowed him to see into her soul as their eyes met. A tear slowly trickled down her cheek. She felt his thumb brush it away as he had a few other times in the past. So intent on each other at that moment, they didn’t hear the knock on the door announcing Mattie’s arrival, the key in the lock, or the door opening.

PART 7

0759 Local

Harm’s Loft

North of Union Station

Mattie stood in the doorway, a smile on her face as she watched the tender, personal moment between Harm and Mac. She had always suspected that there was something between them...but he had claimed only friendship. This looked like more then friendship to her. She debated if she should quietly leave, but Harm turned before she could and invited her in.

“Mattie...good morning...ready for pancakes with us?” Harm asked turning to see Mattie in the open doorway.

“Sounds good. Morning Mac. You having breakfast with us?”

“Do you mind?”

“No. You and I can gang up on Mr. Domestic here and have some fun with him,” Mattie grinned, closing the door and joining them at the island.

Mac eased herself out of Harm’s arms, returned to her coffee next to Mattie. “So can he really make pancakes or is he giving me a line?” Mac asked as she joined Mattie.

“He’s actually pretty good...once he stopped trying to make pictures out of them for me like I was a little kid.”

“Really...what kind of pictures?” Mac asked with interest.

“Dinosaurs mostly...he tried Mickey Mouse once.”

“Oh...I love dinosaurs...I love looking for ichnites.”

“Ich - what?”

“Ichnites...you remember what they are Harm?”

“Yes...they’re footprints made by dinosaurs and Mac makes up stories to explain what they were doing when the footprints were made,” Harm told Mattie.

“It sounds like fun. Were do you find them?”

“In the desert mostly. I spent a lot of time in Arizona - in Red Rock country. My uncle and I use to look for them. He taught me all about them and actually showed Harm too. Right?”

“He did.”

“Where’s your uncle now, Mac?”

“In jail.”

“Oh...sorry.”

“It’s okay...he did the wrong thing for the right reason. Harm went out on a limb for him...it was the first time we met.” Mac reminisced.

“Will you share some of the stories about Harm with me. He doesn’t talk much about himself.”

“That sounds about right. Your guardian is a pretty good guy, you know.”

“Yeah...but do you think we should let on we know?”

“He’s right here and his hearing is back to normal, ladies...”

“Oh my...we were caught...what should we do about it Mattie?”

“Make him take us shopping...” Mattie suggested with a grin, “for chocolate!”

“My kind of thinking,” laughed Mac. She looked at Harm as he flipped pancakes and thought about his offer of forever to counter her never...for the first time in years she felt happy and relaxed as if she was where she belonged. She knew Harm felt it too.

After breakfast, Harm and Mattie dressed to go hiking. They decided to take Mac to her place to change clothes on the way. Mac put together some food from Harm’s refrigerator and cupboards. The water bottles she packed in the cooler compartment on Harm’s backpack. She added the extra socks and shirts that Mattie and Harm brought to her as they joined her. Once it was loaded, they piled into Harm’s SUV and followed Mac to Georgetown.

Mattie had never been to Mac’s place before. She held onto Harm’s arm as she went with him to Mac’s place. Mac directed Mattie to look at the fossils she had on her work table by the window before asking Harm to help her gets some things off her top shelf.

When they were alone in her bedroom, Harm wrapped his arms around her once again. “You okay?”

“Yes...my hiking boots really are on the top shelf and if you reach them I won’t have to climb on a chair to get them.”

“Pack some things so you can stay the night with me if you want to,” Harm whispered, before he turned to get her boots for her.

“Okay...can you reach my backpack too, please?”

He handed it to her and then dropped a kiss on her nose before joining Mattie.

“Harm, have you seen these...its way cool!” Mattie was enthused over the fossils in the rock on the table.

“These are small. The ones Mac and her uncle showed me were much larger.”

“Can we go look sometime...please?” Mattie asked.

“Let’s talk to Mac about the best places to go. Maybe during your next vacation from school, we can try to get a way together for a few days.”

“Where you going?” Mac asked as she rejoined them, dressed now in jeans, t-shirt, and hoodie. He windbreaker, another long sleeved shirt and a change of clothes were in her backpack.

“We were just talking about asking you where we could go to look for ichnites?” Mattie told her.

“Some where we could all go together,” Harm added.

“Oh...well, there are a few places we could check into...like the Dinosaur Park in Colorado or Red Rock in Arizona or New Mexico. Or the Dinosaur National Monument area in Utah...There’s a place I’ve heard of in Texas too.” Mac’s eyes sparkled with excitement. She had always wanted to share the experience with someone else; check out places she had heard of but hadn’t visited. Harm and Mattie were offering her a chance. Part of her was afraid to hope, while the other part of her was warmed by just the idea.

It was a nearly perfect late winter, early spring day when they made their way to Manassas to visit the site of the Civil War battle at Manassas National Battlefield Park. They followed the horse trails through the woods and visited a number of historical sites and monuments. Between stops they walked, talked and enjoyed each others company. At each stop they all listened to the tour guides and learned something new or were reminded of something they had forgotten. Mattie, of course, learned the most new information. She had already accepted that an outing with Harm would have some educational component, but he made learning and being with him fun, so she didn’t care.

Mattie enjoyed watching Mac and Harm together. He looked more relaxed and happy then she had ever seen him and it made her feel good. By the time they returned to the car, the fresh air, had turned colder. They all enjoyed the warmth of the car.

“Why don’t we go back to my place and I’ll fix you some hot chocolate to warm up?” Harm offered.

“Sounds good. Any cookies?” Mac asked.

“Yes...all ready to pop into the oven from the freezer.”

“Store bought?”

“Nope...Grandma Rabb showed me how to freeze her batter and make fresh baked cookies a little at time.”

“They are so good!” declared Mattie.

“I’ve had them...remember?” Mac asked Harm, reminding him of the time he had packed her lunch and brought it to the office after losing a bet with her over some mundane thing.

“Yes...although we never got to eat the batch I had taken with us when we went flying,” Harm added.

“Tell me the story,” Mattie asked, settling in to hear another tale of the terrific two.

“Over hot chocolate,” Harm agreed.

“Are you really going to let me have hot chocolate and cookies for supper?” Mattie asked Harm.

Mac raised her eyebrows as she watched him check his watch. Her smile told anyone that knew her how aware of the time she was while enjoying the fact that Harm had no clue.

“I didn’t realize how late it was,” he admitted. “We really should have something to eat first.”

Mattie groaned and Mac jumped in with an idea. “How about tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches followed by cocoa and cookies?”

Harm nodded his agreement bringing a smile of acceptance to Mattie’s face. “You know, you two would make great parents.”

“Mattie...” Harm warned, before Mac stepped in.

“Thanks Mattie...maybe someday...mind if we practice on you?”

“That’d be cool...if we have more days like today.”

“Harm?”

“Fine by me,” he agreed. His sense of family was growing stronger all the time and he liked it.

“Harm, have you heard back from the real estate guy about the houses we wanted to look at?” Mattie asked.

“Not yet. We found two places we thought had some possibilities. Tell Mac about them Mattie.”

“Well the first one was a one floor three bedroom, two bathroom place with a garage and small back yard that sounded cool. Where was that one Harm?”

“They are both in Falls Church. I think the ranch style was on Lakeview near the High School and the other one was near Luria Park.”

“We’re not far from there are we?” Mac asked.

“No...want to swing by and see the area at least?”

“Can we?” Mattie asked all excited.

“Don’t know why not...hang on.” Harm turned off the highway and within minutes was driving past the high school and then onto Lakeview. They spotted a yellow ranch that looked like it needed some sprucing up. “Don’t make up your mind looking at the outside. If the structure is good and the price is right, we can fix up the appearance. Right?”

“I know. It just looks smaller then it sounded.”

Harm had to agree with Mattie’s estimation on that. They drove on about a mile to the area near Luria Park that Harm thought he remembered talking to the real estate agent about. They found a home with a For Sale sign in front of it, but with the SOLD banner plastered across it.

“Looks like we missed out on that one,” Harm told them.

Mac remember something they had passed on the way by. “Harm, turn up Oak Run...it looked like someone was just posting a sign up there.”

Harm went back the way they had come and at the corner turned up Oak Run. They saw a couple standing looking at the sign in front of their house. Harm slowed and turned to Mac and Mattie, “Shall we ask to see it?”

“Can we?” Mattie asked as she looked at the white and brick split level ranch with the two car garage, fenced in back yard and nice front lawn.

“Do you mind Mac?”

“Not at all.” As they got out of the car, the couple approached them.

“Can we help you?”

“This place for sale?” Harm asked as Mattie and Mac joined him.

“Yeah...just put up the sign. We thought we’d try to sell it ourselves. You military?” the man asked Harm.

“Navy...and Marines. We’re with JAG in Falls Church.”

“I’ll be getting out of the Air Force in about a month. We’re heading home to Texas,” the woman told them. “Come on in and look around.”

“Thank you,” Harm nodded as he followed them. Sliding his arm around Mac he leaned closer to her ear, “You mind if they think we’re together...I mean, maybe, if things work out...you know...what do you think?”

“Its okay with me.”

They followed the couple to a side door and entered a mud room on the lower level. There was a bench for sitting to remove boots, hooks to hang coats and hats, and a rack for drying mittens, gloves, and socks. The window in the door and a small window high in the wall provided a good source of natural light. A closet was near the door. Another door opened in a boiler room containing the hot water heater, furnace, and central air unit. Harm was impressed with what he saw. When he turned to follow Mac, Mattie and the woman out the door, the man stopped him.

“Do you like tinkering?”

“When I have time.”

“There’s another room you should see then.” The man pressed a panel and another door popped open next to the mud room. There was a small room with its own high window with build in benches and shelves. “I enjoy building little things. My son and I used to use this room to build models...now he’s constructing the real thing. I cleaned this one out already...my hands bother me too much to do the fine work any more.”

“That’s too bad. This would be great to keep my tools.”

“Come on...let’s catch up with the woman.” They passed through a short hall and then stepped into a large room with a short flight of stairs going up to a landing. The back of the room was mostly panels of windows, with French doors leading out to a back yard patio with a covered area with a built in grill and kitchen area. A fireplace was built at an angle into the far corner. You would be able to look outside and see the fireplace at the same time.

“Did you build that?” Harm asked.

“Yes. We enjoy entertaining and this is a great place. People can enter through the side door, front door or back yard. There’s a bathroom on that end as part of the guest room.”

Mac and Mattie were just stepping out of the guest room. “This should be my room!” Mattie was saying.

Harm put his arm around her and smiled down as he reminded her, “But you aren’t a guest.”

“Let’s see up stairs,” the woman smiled.

They went up the short flight of stairs to the landing by the front door, and then up six more steps. They entered another open area made up of a kitchen, dining area and a smaller sitting area. The space was open and airy, yet comfortable and functional. Off one side was an office, bathroom with laundry facilities and a linen closet and then another bedroom. On the other side was the master suite with its own bathroom and a smaller room set up as a sitting room. All of the rooms had closets, with the master bedroom having both built in bureaus and a walk in closet.

Harm was impressed with the neutral colors, the craftsmanship, and the care with which this family had used to keep their home up-to-date.

Mattie was obviously in love with the place, and he had to admit, that the downstairs suite might in fact be a perfect set up for her. He and Mac could each have their own offices and the little room would make a great nursery.

They talked about the taxes, the schools, and the location. They had put a new roof on the house three years before and the appliance were all new in the last year when they had remodeled the kitchen.

“What’s your asking price?” Harm asked them. He listened as the man gave him a price that seemed fair and was certainly in the range he had anticipated. If he sold his loft, he would have a manageable mortgage for his paycheck. There were a lot of things to consider. Mattie and he would have to appear in court in another six months in order for her to maintain guardianship. If he was alone, would he like this house. To be honest, he thought he would. He had promised Mac forever...did she like this house. If they married, would it meet their needs. He thought it might. He hoped they could talk it over while they ate soup, sandwiches, sipped cocoa and nibbled cookies.

They exchanged cards with phone numbers and Harm promised to get back to him after they saw some other places and they had talked it over as a family. As they loaded into the Lexus, the woman turned to her husband. “I think they liked it.”

“Yes, but did you noticed they weren’t married?”

“But they were a family. You could feel their closeness. This house should have people like them living here when we are gone.”

“I know...but we have to wait and see if they call back.”

“They will...you wait and see.”

1845 Local

Rabb Loft

North of Union Station

With their stomachs filled and their bodies warm, the three of them curled up together on the couch to talk about the house they had seen.

“Harm its perfect for me and its closeness to Falls Church High School, the library, everything. I can walk to school...or ride my bike.”

“I’ll take you to school and you can always go to the library and wait for me to pick you up.”

“Yes Dad...Isn’t he cute when he gets all protective, Mac?” Mattie giggled looking to Mac.

“Some times...”

“Mac, are you okay?”

“Yeah...just a little tired maybe.”

“Your back?”

“Its fine.”

“What do you think about the house Mac?” Harm asked.

“I think it looks big, but it could fill up quickly depending on how it was used. I mean it had four bedrooms, but if you put in an office and a guest room, you’re down to one other bedroom. The three bathrooms are great, and the laundry room on the main floor...perfect. The entertaining area is wonderful and I noticed there is a fenced in area for a dog, a garden shed and the garage. The lawns are good sized but not huge. Its been updated and the asking price sounds reasonable for this area.”

“And?”

“I think you’d be crazy not to make an offer on it.”

“Can I go tell Jen about it?” Mattie asked as the elevator rumbled in the hall.

“Yes...”

“Night Harm...night Mac...I’m going to hang out with Jen. Is it okay if we go to a movie tonight?”

“Yes....Hug?”

“Yes Dad...I had a great day...and I love the house. See you tomorrow Mac?”

“Maybe...”

“Hey Marine...you’re quiet. Talk to me.”

“A little envious I guess,” Mac admitted. While part of her fantasized about sharing the home with Harm and Mattie, they hadn’t decided if this thing between them would work or not.

“About the house?”

“Yes...and about how centered you are now compared to me,” Mac reluctantly admitted.

“Being part of an instant family will do that...but you know Mac...you’ve been a part of my family even longer then Mattie has. Could you live in that house we looked at?”

“Yes.”

“It’s not your dream home is it?”

“You know, I’m not sure if I’ve ever had a dream home...unless it was to dream of a home that was safe and happy...filled with love.”

“I’d like to give you that...when you’re ready.”

“And you are?”

“Yes.”

“It just seems like you’ve changed so fast Harm. It makes me wonder if it will last.”

“It’s not that fast Mac. After Russia, I wasn’t ready...and I knew it...but I also knew you were so important to me that I had to find a way to keep you in my life.”

“Our deal?”

“Yes...and then when you went to Mic, I kept thinking I still had time...and I still had some doubts. I thought I was just planning to marry my friend and have that special bond that just gets stronger with time. I didn’t think it would be the biggest passion of my life...until I hit my head and kept picturing you in sexy gowns and a towel in my shower and bedroom.”

“Harm, you didn’t?”

“I did...I even asked Bud if he’d ever had to handle something familiar suddenly looking and feeling very different...he didn’t get it.”

Mac tried to keep back a laugh, “I wouldn’t think he would. He is so naive at times it drives Harriet nuts...and she’s not much better.”

“I know...I was so proud of him for noticing the naked breasts in Australia...until I thought one of them was you.”

“I would have...”

“Would have?”

“Gone topless for you...even then.”

Harm felt the heat pool in his groin at the thought. Even though they had made love last night and this morning, they had tried to be casual with each other in front of Mattie. The restraint was wrecking havoc on his control this evening, now they were alone again.

“I knew you were the love of my life the night Renee’s father died. It killed me that I felt I had to go with her, when all I wanted to do was hold you...talk to you...tell you that when you were ready I wanted to see what this was between us.”

“And now?”

“I know I love you. I know that we have something enduring that is worth waiting for. I know that if you walk away from me and tell me that I can’t make you happy, I’ll let you go. I love you that much Mac.”

“Oh...no one has ever loved me that unselfishly before...that’s why I read you so wrong.”

“I know you’ll need time...but I want to tell everyone I’m in love with you. I need you in my life and I want to make a family with you, Mattie and me...and add some babies when you’re ready...but I’ll wait. I need you to be as sure as I am Mac. And right now you are reeling from all you’ve been through...as any officer would.”

“Somehow tonight you see to know just the words to say. It’s tempting...and I think we can have forever after all...but I’m not ready to share what we have with the world. Are you okay with that?”

“Yes. As long as you’ll share it with me.”

“Then buy the house Harm. Move into it with Mattie. As your friend I’ll help you settle in...decorate...entertain even...and seeing as you have guest rooms, I can even stay over sometimes.”

PART 8

Two Months Later

Oak Run Trail

Falls Church, Virginia

Harm and Mattie had moved into their new house. Jen had stayed at the apartment north of Union Station. With her promotion to Petty Officer First Class she had been able to afford the rent on her own.

The loft was purchased by a young Lieutenant who thought it would make a great bachelor pad.

With Mac and Jen’s help they had painted almost every room in the new house and the outside. Harm and Mattie argued over who was going to mow the lawn, while Mac just went and did it! The dog yard was still empty, but they were discussing the pros and cons of getting a dog.

Tonight, Harm was being treated to a house warming. Mac and Harriet had arranged it. They had managed to get in touch with Jack Keeter who promised to try and make it. He didn’t want to miss a chance to rub it in that his old academy buddy was sprouting roots.

The Admiral and Harm had managed to rebuild their respect for one another, but his impending retirement bothered Harm. Mac had also managed to convince Tom Boone to join them as another surprise to Harm.

Next week, Harm, Mac and Mattie were taking a short trip to Arizona to look for ichnites as they had discussed. Mattie was excited about the trip, Mac seemed pensive, and Harm frustrated. Harm knew it was something they needed to talk about soon, but he hoped to get through the party tonight first.

The guests began to arrive at 1700, just as the first of the burgers were set on the grill. The rest of the food was laid out and Harm and Bud started off manning the grill, until a booming voice distracted Harm and drew him away from his duties.

“Keeter! How did you know?”

“Mac called me...she is one hell of a woman Harm...you claimed her yet?”

“That’s enough Keeter,” Harm warned.

“If you’re not going to claim her, maybe I should.”

“Forget it. She doesn’t want another spook in her life.”

“You mean Webb?”

“What do you know about Webb?”

“Just that he was determined to reclaim her after she dumped him. He said he needed to regroup before he came after her again.”

“Oh he did, did he? Well just see about that!” Harm fumed quietly until his temper was at a slow boil by the time the last of the guests left and Mattie had turned in for the night.

“Harm, what’s the matter? You’ve been doing a slow boil all night.”

“Webb been nosing around again has he?”

“What? No!”

“What are you going to tell him if he does? Or will you just go along with what ever he wants so you don’t have to let him know we’re seeing each other....that I’m in love with you.”

“Harm, stop...I haven’t seen Webb. I owed him my life at one point, but I owe him nothing anymore. I care about you, Harm...and Mattie.”

“You still don’t love me, do you? Or is it you do, but you’re too stubborn to admit it? Never mind...it doesn’t matter. Webb will show up, fall all over you and you’ll be gone, right?”

“Harm, I don’t like you when you get jealous like this.”

“Yeah? Well I don’t like it that I have to keep my love for you a secret...though I guess this way no one will be able to make a fool out of me when you walk away from what I’m offering.”

“I think I’d better go home.”

“No...Mac...stay. We need to talk about this trip we planned with Mattie...and I don’t want to do it tonight. You’re right...I’m being a jerk and I don’t want to do or say anything stupid.”

“Too late...but maybe I’ll forget it by morning.”

“Are you sleeping with me tonight?”

“Do you want me too?”

“Yes.”

“Okay...I don’t want to fight with you Harm.”

They held each other all night without talking...without kissing or caressing. They just held on to one another.

0740 Local

Rabb Residence

Falls Church, Virginia

Mac was gone when Harm woke up. He thought Mac had gotten past this habit she had of shutting down and running away, but apparently he was wrong. He was upset with himself for letting his jealousy appear, when he had no evidence that she was seeing Webb or anyone else. A part of him wanted to slam his fist into the wall, but the rest of him knew that wouldn’t make him feel better and it certainly wouldn’t set a good example for Mattie.

He had her breakfast of juice, cinnamon toast and scrambled eggs ready when she joined him. He knew she was worried about him and he tried to make everything seem normal.

“Forget it Harm. You aren’t fooling me.”

“What are you talking about? I’m not trying to fool you about anything.”

“Oh really? Then how come you’ve asked me three times how my toast is and if my eggs are hot enough and not answered one question I’ve asked?”

She had him there. “Sorry.”

“Did you and Mac have a fight?”

“We have some things to work out,” he admitted.

“Are we still going to take that trip next week?”

“You and I can. I don’t know what Mac will decide to do.”

“But it was suppose to be a chance for us to get closer as a family.”

“Mattie, I’m sorry. I’m trying to work things out with Mac, but its complicated.”

“Are you in love with her?”

Mattie’s questions burned him to his soul but he looked her in the eye and said, “Yes.”

“Have you told Mac?”

“Yes.”

“And you still have problems? Sheeesh...what’s with you two?”

“I’m not sure Mattie, but I promise you I’ll try to work things out with Mac.”

“Why don’t you call her?”

“I think I will,” Harm agreed as he reached for the phone. She didn’t answer until the fifth ring, and he heard Clayton Webb’s voice in the background as she picked up.

“Hello?”

“Mac, its me...I was worried when you weren’t here this morning. Your back okay?”

“It’s fine.”

“Are you angry with me?”

“No...this isn’t about you Harm. Not everything is.”

“I know that...and this is about you...what you want...what you need...who you want to be with.” Harm listened and beyond a sharp in-take of breath he heard nothing before the dial tone buzzed in his ear telling him she did not want to talk to him.

0830 Local

Mac’s Apartment

Georgetown

“Rabb bothering you still?” Webb asked as he turned Sarah Mackenzie toward him so he could more easily kiss her.

Mac pulled her head away and leaned back to keep some distance between them. “You had no right to take the phone away from me Clay.”

“I had every right. I just got home and I want your undivided attention. We have a lot of time to make up for.”

“It’s not my fault you’re gone all the time.”

“And you aren’t around waiting for me either are you?” Webb held her chin forcing her to look into his glazed eyes.

The conya had not treated Webb well. He had healed from Sadik’s torture on the outside, but inside he was still a tortured and tormented soul. While Mac felt bad that he had gone through it, she was angry that he was trying to control her life. He was close to ruining the one ray of hope and sunshine she had thought she had. His veiled threats on her answering machine were driving her crazy. She knew Harm would be out of control if he heard the messages, so even though she wanted to chuck it all and ignore Clay’s threats, but for Mattie’s and Harm’s sakes she couldn’t risk it.

Mac felt his hands sliding over her back and trying to find a way to get under her top. She almost gagged at the smell of his breath and the thought of his clumsy touches after having experienced the tender, loving caresses of Harmon Rabb. Mac put off Clay when he insisted they go to bed and make love. He hated it when she had her period, so she used it as an excuse to buy her some time.

“Clay, I would, but I have cramps...its just so messy and uncomfortable...”

“I know...my bad luck I guess. Look, I have to be gone for a long time, but I’ll send you something everyday so you’ll know I’m thinking of you. You’ll stay away from Rabb and the kid.”

“Are you asking me or telling me?” Mac demanded.

“I’m asking, of course. Look, one of these days Rabb’s going to wake up and realize what you’re really like...and he’s not going to like it. When he does, you’ll come to me. If you’re nice to me now, I’ll be there for you when you need me.”

“And if I don’t?” Mac asked trying not to show her fear.

“You’ll think Sadik was a piece of cake.” Clay still held on to her and bent her backwards to show he could control her.

Although Mac thought she could take him, Mac knew Clay was sick and dangerous and you were never suppose to bait a trapped animal. If she told Clay that he had no chance with her, she was afraid he would lash out and make Mattie and Harm pay for her failure to please him.

By the time he had let her up and pushed her away from him, Mac’s back did ache. She fell back onto the couch and watched Clay head for the door.

“I’ll know if you see Rabb outside of JAG, Sarah...and I won’t stand for it. You stay away from him...I mean it.”

The door closed and Mac let the tears come. Clay had been threatening her for almost two months now...ever since Harm had offered her forever, to counter act her never. Only Clay had somehow caught on, and he was calling in favorites to track her movements. Some contact with Harm she had been allowed, so as not to cause suspicion. Each week that passed, Clay’s demands became more absurd.

Mac wanted to take Harm into her confidence, but she didn’t want him to be caught by surprise somehow by Clay. So Mac stayed away and created conflict between them. It was taking a toll on her. She wasn’t sleeping enough and when she was alone, she didn’t eat, consumed instead by her thoughts of finding a way out of this nightmare she found herself in. Her back was aching and intercourse, even with Harm, wasn’t pleasurable. The trip with Mattie and Harm would have to be postponed...or cancelled.

Mac picked up the phone to call Harm back. Mattie answered on the first ring.

“Hey Mattie...its Mac. Look, something has come up and I’m not going to be able to get away for our trip this week. Can we reschedule?”

“Sure...whatever...between you and Harm it wouldn’t be much fun anyway. I thought you two were getting closer...that you might move in with us even...but instead when you’re here with us, no one is happy. Of course Harm’s not happy again anytime...but he tries to cover it up. I guess I was wrong. I thought you would be good for Harm.”

“Mattie, I’m sorry. I’d love to be with both of you...but I can’t. Maybe someday things will work out.”

“I hope you never put Harm through this again, Mac. It’s not fair to him or me.”

“Mattie...” Mac tried once again to get through to Mattie, but the dial tone was the only things hearing her pleas this time. Mattie had done to her, what she had done to Harm. That girl was feisty and would take care of Harm for her without a doubt... but Mac wanted to be there for him none-the-less. There had to be a way around this mess.

Same Time

Rabb Residence

Oak Run

“Who was that Mattie?” Harm called from his office which he was still trying to set up.

“Mac...cancelling the trip.”

“You and I can go Mattie.”

“No...I don’t want to go. I was so wrong about Mac. Maybe I was wrong about my father too.”

“You know I think you need to talk to your father Mattie...and I’m not trying to get rid of you.”

“I know. It’s just I wanted us to be a family.”

“I wanted that too. And whether you go back to your dad, spend more time with him, or stay with me...you’ll always have a place in my family and my home,” Harm promised, standing up to give the tough teenager with the fragile heart a strong protective hug.”

“Mac will always have a place here too, won’t she?”

“Yes.”

“I wasn’t very nice to Mac...should I call her and apologize?”

“If you want to...or you can wait until you see her. I think Mac is still struggling with all she’s dealt with this past year. She needs some help but doesn’t feel she deserve it because of mistakes she’s made in the past,” Harm explained.

“Aren’t you angry with her for hurting you?”

“It’s complicated Mattie...and just because she’s having a bad spell right now, it doesn’t mean I no longer care about her.”

“Like when I was a jerk that time my father came for dinner?”

“Exactly. You’re behavior disappointed me, but I didn’t stop caring about you.”

“Okay...I think I get it...I’ll be nice when I see Mac again...but for now I think I’ll go do some more unpacking.” Harm let her go and watched her head down stairs. She had claimed the lower guest suite as hers after all claiming it gave them more privacy.

Harm went back to work organizing his new desk. His small desk had matched Mattie’s new bedroom furniture and he had given it to her. He had ordered a larger desk for his new home office that had matching file cabinets, bookshelves and more drawers. He kept his personal files in one drawer, another drawer was dedicated to the new house and the manuals and warrantees on the appliances. He kept another drawer with his personal notes on cases he had worked. He had set up in and out boxes to deal with the mail on top of the desk, and a to be filed tray in case he was in a hurry. Mac had presented him with his own shredder and matching trash can as part of the open house.

Harm replayed his last call with Mac. He was sure he had heard Webb in the background when she had answered. He didn’t think she was seeing him again, but maybe she was. Maybe that’s why she no longer wanted to have intercourse. She seemed to enjoy manual and oral stimulation, but tensed when there was penetration. They had both been a little disappointed when she hadn’t been pregnant, but knew it was for the best. Mac needed time to heal from Paraguay still before she faced motherhood. Waiting was the sensible thing to do in this case. Right now, Harm didn’t really want to be sensible. He wanted Mac here with him, planning their wedding and waiting for their child to be born. Instead she was alone, still trying to decide if Harm or Clay would make her happy, while he waited as patiently as he could and fought the green-eyed monster once again.

PART 9

Mid-May

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

“Commander Rabb, my office.”

“Yes Admiral,” Harm responded looking up from his files and following his CO to his office.

“Close the hatch. I’m worried about the Colonel. What’s going on with her?” barked Admiral Chegwidden out of concern for one of his best people.

“I wish I knew sir. We seem to be fine here at JAG, but once we leave, she won’t talk to me. She stays alone and doesn’t answer her phone. She looks like she’s not sleeping or eating...and I think her back is still bothering her.”

“Did she hurt it?”

“Not sure...she indicated she thought it happened when she fought with Sadik.”

“I know she’s been getting gifts every day from Webb. What’s that relationship like?” the admiral demanded.

“I don’t think it’s a healthy one sir, but I can’t bring it up without appearing like a jealous idiot...so I wait and watch.”

“Anything?”

“Webb’s been gone...but he sends gifts. Every day he’s been gone Mac seems a little calmer.”

“You think there’s tie there don’t you?”

“I don’t know. But I wonder.”

“I’m going to order her to undergo seventy-two hours of observation and counseling if things don’t change soon,” the admiral announced.

“Please don’t sir. Give me a chance to talk to her again.”

“Last chance Rabb. Dismissed!”

“Aye-aye sir!”

Harm was crossing the bull pen when he spotted Mac, her hand on her back, heading for her office. He followed her. As he stepped into her office, he saw her wince and carefully lower herself into her chair. “Your back still bothering you?”

“Yes.”

“Have you seen the doctor?”

“I’ve been busy.”

Harm picked up the phone and dialed Bethesda. “I’m making you an appointment and then I’ll get the heating pad from my office.”

Mac looked up at him in gratitude. She knew that Harm wouldn’t take no for an answer; besides she knew something was wrong and getting worse. This once she would let Harm take care of her. They were at JAG so Clay’s rules would allow this. Speaking of Clay, he hadn’t sent gifts for two days now. She wondered if he was backing off and getting ready to move on.

Harm’s gentle ministrations were almost her undoing. After getting her an appointment at Bethesda, he returned with a heating pad and settled her into her chair. He sat across from her then to talk.

“What do you think of the Admiral’s pending retirement?”

“I wasn’t prepared for it. You?”

“No, not at all. I did talk to him about it, and he knows what he wants to do.”

“Francesca?”

“That’s part of it. He’s decided to indulge himself in a summer of baseball, visiting all the major league parks. He’s hoping Francesca will join him for some of the games.”

“She doesn’t strike me as a baseball fan.”

“No, me either, but apparently she’s dating a baseball player. Sometimes things you don’t anticipate have a way of working out.”

“Harm, why are so good to me after all I’ve done to destroy anything between us?”

“Did you do those things on purpose - or were you reacting to something else?”

“You’re right, I was being reactive...and its tearing me up inside. What lets you stand by and take it?” Mac asked Harm wanting him to make her understand how he could take it and not hate her for yanking him around...running hot and cold.

“Some days are harder then others, but like I told Mattie, just because you and I don’t see eye to eye on something, or because you want to handle something on your own, that’s no excuse to walk away from my feelings for you. I might be disappointed, but I am committed to you at least as your friend. You know I want that commitment to be more, but I’m willing to wait until you’re ready.”

Nodding her head in silent understanding, Mac felt the tears slowly coursing down her cheeks. She heard Harm move and looked up to see him pull the blinds in her office giving them more privacy. He came around behind her desk and squatted down beside her, his thumb brushing those tears away.

“I’m very worried about you Tiger. You’ve lost weight; look like you’re not sleeping; are in physical pain; and I can’t help but feel like someone is preventing you from accepting what I’ve offered you. I wish you would talk to someone if you can’t talk to me. Please Mac...talk to your doctor...the admiral...Harriet...Clay...someone. We’re losing you.”

Harm had noticed the quick gasp and darting eyes when he mentioned Clay’s name. He would see what he could find out using his own connections. At least he knew without a doubt that Clayton Webb was exerting influence on Sarah Mackenzie in one form or another. It could still be emotional blackmail from their time with Sadik or it could be something else. Harm vowed to get to the bottom of it.

“Harm, can I come over later so we can talk?” Mac asked with her voice still a bit wobbly.

“Of course. Have dinner with us?”

“I’m not sure I’ll be good company.”

“It’ll be just you and me tonight. Mattie and Tom are going to a meeting together and having dinner out.”

“You’re not going with them?”

“No...I’ve been swamped with cases and its good for them to have time without me. Mattie seems comfortable with it.”

“Okay then...I’ll be over later. Thanks for the heating pad.”

“No problem. We’ll talk later. It will be okay Mac.”

“Thanks.”

1750 Local

Rabb Residence

Oak Run

Harm opened the door for Mac and saw the tears right away. “Mac, what’s wrong?”

“I saw Sturgis as I was leaving Headquarters today. He said something that got me thinking so I went to Clay’s office and confronted his assistant...she was packing his office up and her own up...and she had a catalog on her desk...”

“Come in and have a seat...you’ve lost me, Mac...”

“Webb’s dead.” Tears slid silently down her cheeks and she tried to brush them away only to have them replaced with more. “He lied to me...he wasn’t sending the gifts...he arranged to have Laurie June do it. He set me up again, Harm...and I hurt you and Mattie because of it.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I was already to tell you I wanted to move in with you and Mattie, but Clay came to my place. He was drunk and he...wanted me. I was tempted...because we had just had a little argument...but I stopped him. He told me it was too late. I had given in to him and he’d tell you all about it...even if he had to lie unless I agreed to see him when he was home. I challenged him by asking why I should wait for him when he’s gone for weeks and months on end. He promised to send me something every day to remind me he was thinking of me...and then he said he would know if I turned to you...”

“He was black mailing you...with emotions Mac. Did you love him?”

“No...I didn’t love him...but I loved what I thought I might be able to have with him...you made me see that I could have it all...my dream of a family and you...but Clay made me think that you would have nothing to do with me if you knew he kept coming around here...and then you got jealous when his name came up...”

“And I fed your insecurities too, didn’t I?” Harm shook his head upset with himself for not realizing how insecure Mac was at times.

“I knew better but I couldn’t seem to get a handle on it all and Clay was so believable.”

“You do remember that Clay has faked his death before and might have done it again.”

“I do remember...but Harm...he feels gone this time...like I’m finally free of him.”

“Does that mean you’re ready to come home?”

“Not yet Harm...not permanently. It’s too soon. I still need to deal with other things...you and the Admiral were right...even Clay said I needed to get help.”

Harm slid his arm around Mac and gave her a gentle hug but not maintaining closeness for long. He didn’t want to intrude on her space or give her reason to think he was trying to manipulate her. “Will you eat some dinner...and stay around for awhile this evening. I don’t think you should be alone.”

“Yes...but I need to sleep in my own bed tonight...tomorrow I go see the doctor.”

“I understand. I’m here when you need me.”

Mac nodded.

They ate a quiet dinner before Harm showed Mac his new office and how he was setting it up. She made a couple of suggestions which he readily agreed to. They returned to the sitting area with the two new chairs. When they had been planning the move, Harm had realized that he didn’t have enough furniture for the house.

While he had been hoping that Mac would move in too, and her furniture would have filled the gaps, the reality was she wasn’t ready. Instead she had gone with them and helped pick out the two chairs that would be in the upstairs sitting area. When they were all going to be together, they would lounge downstairs where Harm’s leather sofa and chair were placed. When Mac decided to move in, her furniture could be easily accommodated. Mac’s dining room table would go where his glass top was now, and the glass top would make a great patio table. The chairs would even work out there. In the winter they could be brought in to the large room down stairs.

Harm felt content sitting and talking so easily with Mac, that he almost forgot she was going to go home. He noticed her restless movements. “Your back bothering you again tonight?”

“Yes. I see the doctor in the morning though, thanks to you. I need to go home soon...relax with a heating pad again.”

“I’ll walk you out.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I know.”

When Harm used that soft sexy voice of his, Mac almost melted. He had a way of using it when she wasn’t prepared for it. Like when they were arguing in a minefield over how stubborn and macho he could be. Or when he was being such an officer and a gentleman that it made her weak in the knees. Mac knew that if Harm had opened his arms to her at that moment she would have stepped into them and agreed to anything. Its where she wanted to be, but knew that for them to have their dream, she had to heal in the same way Harm had needed to mature.

Harm leaned toward her as he opened her car door brushing her cheek with his lips. “I’m here if you need to talk...need to be held...whatever. Just call.”

Mac nodded, caressed his beautiful face with her hand, fastened her seatbelt, and put the car in gear to drive away. Once away from Harm’s sight, the tears came again. She really didn’t want to put him through her pain yet in all honesty she didn’t know if she could face it without his support. Maybe when she was feeling better, it would be easier to handle everything she needed to confront.

0845 Local

Dr. Chen’s Office

Bethesda Naval Medical Center

“Colonel Mackenzie, I’m Dr. Chen. I’ve been called into consult on your case.”

“Did I tear a muscle?” Mac asked, her hand pressing on her back.

“No...the pain you have isn’t in your back. When we sent you for the x-rays and the ultrasound this morning, we found the problem.”

“What is it?”

“Have you ever heard of endometriosis?”

“Yes. Is that what I have?”

“We think so. Have you experienced discomfort during intercourse?”

“Yes, but...well, I thought...he was larger then I’m use to.”

“That could have been part of your discomfort of course...but has it gotten worse?”

“Yes...I avoid it now...not intimacy -just intercourse. Can this be fixed?”

“In its early stages, having a baby will usually correct the problem...at least temporarily. Later, we can clean out scar tissue to make it more comfortable. In its most severe stages, we often have to resort to a hysterectomy. Have you had any children?”

“No...not yet. We were going to wait another year...”

“I need to do further tests. Have you heard of laproscopic surgery?”

“Yes...”

“It’s a day-surgery procedure. We’ll put you under to do it. While we’re in there we’ll repair damage if we can and assess the severity of your case. When you wake up I should be able to give you a prognosis. In the meantime, I’ll give you a prescription that should relieve the back pain.”

“How soon do I need to have this done?”

“I can fit you in Friday morning.”

“So soon?”

“It’s best not to wait - if you plan to have children. Once we’ve assessed the damage to your organs we can advise you as to the best way for you to proceed in order to make that dream a reality.”

“Thank you Dr. Chen.” Mac got dressed and walked in a daze from the hospital, nearly stepping in front of on-coming traffic on her way to her car. She wasn’t sure she could go back to the office, but if she didn’t show up, Harm would be looking for her.

Their plan to have a baby together seemed in danger, only not from them not being able to get their act together, but because Mac’s body was failing her. How would she be able to conceive a child if she couldn’t tolerate the discomfort of intercourse...and how fair would it be to Harm not to be able to enjoy that part of intimacy again. There were so many questions reeling through Mac’s mind, that she found herself at JAG headquarters without realizing that she had driven herself to work.

Entering the bullpen, she made it to her office without being discovered. Once there she managed to immerse herself in paperwork with her caseload. The knock on her door, drew her attention up for the first time in two hours.

“How did your appointment go?”

“Okay. She gave me some medicine to ease the pain. Wants to see me again Friday morning. I’ve got to remember to tell the Admiral.”

“That’s the day of the dining out in honor of his retirement.”

“Will you go with me?”

“I can’t...I’ll try to meet you there.”

“What time is your appointment?”

“Harm they usually get backed up. It will be less stressful for me if I meet you there. It’s at the Academy right?”

“Yes...Officer’s Club.”

“I know where it is. I’ll see you there.”

“I’ll save you a seat. You ever been to a dining out before?”

“No. Have you?”

“Yes. It’s a military version of a roast usually. The Admiral has given Harriet the privilege of serving as Madam Vice. She’ll have fun with that.”

“With her going on inactive reserve, it’s a special treat she deserves. I can’t believe she’s pregnant again.”

“Its not so much she’s pregnant that surprised me, but that they already know she’s having twins.”

“Good thing Harriet had you help her buy that big house. Bud forgiven you?”

“Yes...especially now I’m a home owner,” Harm chuckled.

“Harm, I’ve got to get back to this paperwork...thanks for checking on me.”

“I meant what I said last night, Mac.”

“I know you did Harm...I know you did.”

1645 Local

Rabb Residence

Oak Run

“Harm?”

“Be right there Mattie,” Harm called from his bedroom as he dressed in the formal Navy evening wear.

“Wow! You look great.”

“Thank you.”

“Is Mac going with you?”

“She’s going to meet me there.”

“How come?”

“She had an appointment and said it will probably run late. I offered to wait and she said she would be more stressed knowing I was waiting for her.”

“I just hope she doesn’t blow you off.”

“She won’t.”

“Harm, I’ve been thinking...I know you bought this house and everything so we could be together...but I feel like I should start spending more time with me dad. He’s been trying and said that knowing I want to come back home with him will help him stay focused.”

“Mattie, you know he needs to do this for himself to make it work, right?”

“Yes...and he is. But I hope that we can be a family together again...just like you said.”

“How soon do you think you’d be moving back out there?”

“Not for awhile...we go before the judge in June or July. Probably after that...are you okay with this?”

“This is what you want?”

“Yes.”

“Then I’ll do what ever I can to help make it happen.”

“I just feel bad about you buying the house and everything...”

“Don’t. I like the house and my new office. Maybe Mac will decide I’m worth the risk yet.”

“I hope she does if that’s what you want. I’m still going to need you when I go back with my Dad you know...is that okay?”

“Very okay.” Harm smiled truly happy that Mattie and her father had reconnected. It had been one of his goals for her. Yet his heart felt has if there was a little crack in it, knowing she didn’t need him the same way anymore. She needed a friend, an uncle, but she had a father again. His desire to be someone’s father clawed at him like never before.

1720 Local

Recovery Room

Bethesda Medical Center

“Colonel Mackenzie...Sarah...can you hear me?”

“I’m awake...” Mac opened her eyes to see Dr. Chen watching her. She had been awake and talked to the recovery room nurse, but it had seemed easier to wait for Dr. Chen by closing her eyes again and keeping the world away. She had been surprised how unaffected she had been by the procedure, until the cramps had started a while she was waiting.

“It’s normal to feel kind of crampy, but that should only last an hour or two. When you feel ready, you can get dressed and go home, but I want you to take it easy.”

“I can’t tonight...I have a military dining out to attend...my commanding officer’s retiring.”

“That’s okay, but take it easy...a slow dance or two would be acceptable, but rest now and then and go easy on yourself tomorrow.”

“How bad is it Dr. Chen...can I think about having a baby?”

“I’m sorry Sarah...we removed as much scar tissue as we could during the procedure we did. It should make you more comfortable, however, with each month that passes without you getting pregnant, I would say your chances will diminish considerably. I’m not a fertility expert however, and your chances might improve if you seek their advice and assistance.”

“What do you think my chances are of getting pregnant?”

“It’s hard to tell not knowing your partner’s motility. A specialist could help you in that area. With what I could see your fallopian tubes are mostly clear and with the clean up we did, I would guess that you have about a forty percent shot in the next month or two. As I said it will decrease quickly. You seem to have a rapid moving form of endometriosis.”

“How long do I have to wait before I can safely have intercourse?”

“Give your body at least a week to heal. Any more questions?”

“Not now. Do I need to see you for a follow-up?”

“Not unless you run into any problems. Make an appointment with your own doctor as usual.”

“Thank you.” Mac’s mind was already reeling.

Webb’s death being reported, then finding out that her dream to have a child could be snatched away before she was emotionally ready to face what needed to be faced in order to be with Harm the way she wanted, the admiral leaving and not knowing who would be their next commanding officer. It was almost more then Mac could handle. She dressed in her formal uniform after calling to request the driver she had arranged thanks to Admiral Chegwidden’s offer.

PART 10

1900 Local

Officer’s Club

Annapolis Naval Academy

Harm glanced at his watch yet again as he waited and worried about Mac. He had kept a seat for her next to him at the table. They hadn’t begun to eat the meal yet, but the introductions had been made, and wine was served. Mike Roberts had already been subjected to the spot light. He breathed a sigh of relief when a break was scheduled. Harm was returning from the upstairs restroom when he spotted Mac in her formal Marine attire.

“Hey, where you been? I hadn’t seen you all day.”

“I had a procedure...”

“You okay?”

“A little uncomfortable, but I’m okay.”

“Why didn’t you tell me, Mac...I’d have been there with you?”

“It was better this way.”

“You drive?”

“No, the Admiral let me have a driver this evening. You alone?”

Harm shook his head no and before he could say, “I’m with you,” Mac felt disappointment fill her. When she spotted his arm being held out to her and let the words he spoke register, she quickly recovered, placed her hand on his elbow and smiled up at him.

There was no question about it. Harmon Rabb Junior was an officer and a gentleman. Tonight dressed in his evening attire, she realized how he epitomized that very concept.

“I could use some good news tonight Harm...have any for me?” Mac asked as he escorted her to their table.

“Not tonight...well in a way I guess.”

“Harm...you’re not making nay sense now.”

“Sorry...Mattie came to me before I left the house to tell me she’ll be spending more time with her dad. It’s what I wanted for her...but I’ll miss her.”

“Oh, Harm...after you bought that house and everything?”

“I’m glad I have the house. I guess I was ready to have firmer roots...and I love my new office. Mattie will still be a part of my life.”

“I’m sorry about the mean things I said that day about Sergei preferring to live in Russia.”

“It’s okay. Wouldn’t you rather live in the country you were born in if you had a job, didn’t have to deal with a language barrier and could go visit relatives in another country whenever you wanted?” Harm asked.

“You’re right. I hadn’t thought of it that way.”

“Sergei is engaged to be married you know.”

“I didn’t know. That’s great. Have they set a date?”

“Not that I know of, but they want me to be the best man.”

“That’s good then.” Mac sat while Harm helped her pull her chair in. The dining out was about to resume.

Dinner was served and the theme of mocking some of the more zany traditions continued. They had finished their meal when it was announced that Lt. Roberts was out of uniform. Everyone watched and listened he made his way, red faced to the front of the room. After all the events he had shown up without a tie, or with stains on his clothes, everyone watched closely until the call for ‘Attention to Orders’ was sounded. Everyone came to their feet, slightly confused.

Lieutenant Commander Bud Roberts was presented with his new shoulder boards, and his was sworn in as a Lt. Commander. Bud had been promoted despite the hearing boards warning that should he stay in, he would be unable to be promoted. Of course the hearing board had not counted on Bud Roberts toughness or Admiral Chegwidden’s determination.

Following Bud’s promotion, they served dessert before Admiral Chegwidden turned to his guests to give his parting remarks. “There has been a great deal of speculation as to why I have decided to do this now. I will tell you the time is right. I am honored to have served with each and everyone of you. You have each enriched my life. It is however time for me to move on to a new phase in my life. We must each do that at one time or another through out our lives. We can either go forward and embrace those changes making each one a special moment and an enriching our lives further, or we can risk losing that special moment or memory that is yet to come.

“For me, I hope to see the Red Sox win the World Series in my life time...so I’m going to visit every ball park I can this summer and hope to be in Boston in October to watch history being made. There is a time for everything in life...don’t miss something in your life because you didn’t embrace it when its time came.”

AJ Chegwidden stepped back as Harm stepped forward, raised his glass and called out a toast, “Here’s wishing you Fair winds and following seas and may you only know the feel of natural fabrics against your skin.”

The audience laughed and then the music started. Harm turned to Mac and escorted her through the crowd.

“Harm, I need to use the facilities...I’ll meet you back here, okay?”

“I’ll be waiting.” Harm watched her walk away and then turned when he heard the admiral approach.

“Harm...nice job.”

“Thank you sir...I didn’t want to make it too sappy.”

“Just the right touch. Mac made it I see.”

“Yes sir.”

“Are you two going to be okay?”

“I hope so sir. She took my hand while you were speaking. I think she got your message.”

“Not too obvious?”

“Just right sir.”

“Harm if I thought it would make a difference, I would have pulled a few strings for the two of you.”

“I know sir, but until she’s ready, it wouldn’t do any good.”

“Take care of her, son. I’m going to leave before I’m caught. It’s best this way.”

“Aye, aye, sir.” Harm shook hands with his mentor.

“I’ll stay in touch.” AJ nodded once again before taking his leave. He stopped to once again before departing for a final inspection. He spotted Mac approaching Harm, noting the protective way Harm took her hand and placed it on his elbow as he escorted her. It was the way it should be. He wasn’t a betting man, but if he was, he’s lay odds that those two would finally get it right. He’d check back to see how things were going in a few months. He also had submitted Harm’s name to the promotion board with a strong recommendation that the Navy give him his own command. He’s paid his dues, learned from his mistakes, and was the kind of career officer the Navy needed anywhere they could find a job for him. As good a lawyer and investigator as he knew Harm to be, he also recognized the fact that he had been equally as good as a pilot. The Navy could do a lot worse then finding high level positions for that man in AJ’s estimation.

Harriet and Bud, still in love and the backbone of the JAG family these days were lost in their conversation, most likely about Bud’s surprise promotion. AJ felt good that he had been able to see that through before he retired.

Picking up his ornate cover from the table, AJ walked away from his JAG family for the last time as their commanding officer. In a couple of hours he would be on terminal leave and packing to join Francesca at the first ballpark on their itinerary.

“You look lost in thought,” Mac said as she joined him.

“Just chatted with the admiral. He said he’s stay in touch.”

“Think he will?”

“I do.” Harm knew the admiral would because he said he would. He cared too much about his people not to, even though sometimes it didn’t look that way, which Harm knew from first hand experience. “Hey you look a little shaky. You okay?”

“Yes...can we talk?”

“Of course, Mac...deck looks empty. That work for you?”

“Perfect.” Together they made their way outside and in the glow of the tiny white lights, Mac sat on the bench and waited for Harm to sit with her. There was something in the air tonight. Mac wasn’t sure if it was the place or the company, but the air felt alive almost. She welcomed that hopeful feeling after the week she had been through.

“You okay?”

“Harm, you keep asking me that.”

“Then tell me something that works.”

Mac rested her hand on his knee. “I know you’re worried about me, but I’ll be okay.”

“Which means right now you’re not okay...please Mac...talk to me...you said you wanted to talk...I’m listening.”

“There is so much happening in my life and I’m so confused. I had no intention of ever starting a relationship of any kind with Clay, Harm...but I felt I owed him for trying to protect me...yet when you came along you didn’t seem to care...it felt like I was an assignment. When I found out that Clay knew you had left the Navy to come after me, and that you hadn’t told me...I was hurt. I know now that circumstances being what they were there really hadn’t been a chance to talk about stuff...not for us. We always have to dance around things before we get to the crux of the matter, don’t we?”

“Seems that way...”

“This probably isn’t the best time to have this conversation either...we’re dealing with Webb’s death...you’re dealing with Mattie going back to her father...and I’m...” Mac’s voice trailed off.

“Mac, I’m not sure this is the time of place...but you know its an anniversary for us, of sorts...five years ago this week, we made a deal...and I want you to know that when you’re ready, now or in the future, I’m still willing to have a baby with you...if you want.”

“Why now Harm?”

“It doesn’t have to be now...and I guess I should have waited to say anything...but I had been planning all week to talk to you again about our deal...I’m sorry.”

“Harm, men have always passed through my life...except you...will you really always be there for me?”

Harm turned toward her and made sure he had her full attention when he answered as honestly and with as much earnestness as anyone had ever conveyed in one word, “Yes.”

“Then I need to tell you what the doctor said...” Mac paused knowing how hard it would be to get the words out. She hadn’t even said them aloud to herself yet and here she was trying to explain to Harm.

“Take you’re time. I’m not going anywhere.”

Mac reached for Harm’s hand and he covered her smaller hand with his larger one. She could feel his calm patience as she searched for the words.

“The pain I was feeling was from endometriosis. The procedure I had was to remove some scar tissue and assess how severe my case is. My doctor told me I have less then a fifty percent chance of getting pregnant naturally and even less each month that goes by. I have a rapidly progressing form of the disease and if I do get pregnant, it can actually slow its progress down. If I don’t get pregnant within a year, my only hope might be to go to a fertility specialist.”

“So, we get started when you’re ready.”

“Harm, I can’t tie you to me when I just don’t know...if I can have a baby.”

“So we can try and hold off getting married until you’re pregnant if you’d rather.”

Mac couldn’t stop the smile as she shook her head. “Harm, its more then that. I need to work through a lot of stuff. I’m not going to be a good mother or wife or partner until I can deal with some major stuff.”

“I disagree Mac. We tackle what ever it is together. If I’m part of the problem, then we work on me so we can fix you. Mac, do you know the difference between us and a married couple?”

“No...”

“A married couple sometimes lives together unless they are separated. But if they want to make the marriage work, they work on things together. Granted some couples don’t make it, but many of the ones that try do. We share more history then many couples that get married.”

“But Harm, I know how much you want children. What if I can’t fulfull our deal?”

“If we can’t have our own children, we’ll find children that need us and adopt. We’ll be good parents Mac...together we can make our own family - one way or another.”

“But I really want to have a baby. Can you commit to everything that might entail? Tests, blood work, thermometers, sex on a schedule, disappointments...”

“If that is what you want then we’ll go for it.”

“Even if I’m not comfortable with the idea of getting married yet?”

“Would you be willing to compromise here?”

“Talk to me.”

“Move in with me. I won’t pressure you about a wedding. You can even sleep in the guest room when you feel you need space. Living together will make it easier to try for that baby we want. You don’t have to answer me tonight...just promise me you’ll think about it.”

“I’m not sure I’ll be able to think about anything else. Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Then how about we try one slow dance to celebrate and then you take me home. I am getting weary.”

“Are you up to a dance?”

“Yes...I want to be in your arms,” Mac admitted.

“I can hold you even if we don’t dance...”

“Dance floor, Flyboy...music and all.”

“Aye, aye, Ma’am,” Harm smiled as he stood and offered her his arm once again. She wrapped both arms around his muscular arm.

Many of the people had drifted off, but Harriet and Bud were still wrapped up in each other’s arms on the dance floor, swaying to the music. A new slow ballad began as Harm wrapped Mac in his arms. He knew he was ranking officer, along with Mac, at the moment, so he held her a little closer then he would have at other formal gatherings. When the song ended, Mac and Harm congratulated Bud on his promotion again, and then said good-night to their friends.

Mac reached for her bag with her casual clothes inside that she had worn to the hospital. She had tucked a change of underwear in the bag as well. Harm took it from her and sent the midshipmen to bring his car around, while he waited with Mac. Helping her in the passenger side of the Corvette, he went around, tossed her bag in the back and then slid behind the wheel.

As they approached the exit Harm would take to go to Mac’s apartment, she spoke up. “I don’t think I want to be alone tonight, Harm.”

“Do you want me to stay with you, or do you want to come to the house?”

“You need to go home for Mattie don’t you?”

“I think her Dad was picking her up.”

“I’ve got a change of clothes. Let’s go to your house.”

Harm changed lanes and stayed on the highway until he got to his exit.

The house at Oak Run was dark when they got there, accept for the outside light. Carrying Mac’s bag, and holding her hand, Harm led the way to the house. When they entered through the mud room, a note was on the bulletin board there from Mattie telling him she had in fact gone to her father’s and would be home Sunday night.

“Tea? Coffee?”

“No I’m good. Actually I’d love to get this uniform off, take a shower and get comfortable.”

“My bed or a bed of your own?”

“I want to cuddle up to you.”

“My bed it is then.” Harm went to his room and set her bag on the bureau. “You know where the towels are. Let me know if you need anything. I’m going to secure the house and then I’ll meet you...in bed.”

Mac smiled before making her way to the bathroom. He was right, she knew where everything was. They had unpacked and organized this room together...as if she would be living here. Turning on the shower to warm before stripping off her uniform, she hung it on the empty hangar she found on the back of the bathroom door. Once in the shower, she let herself relax under the warm spray. It had been a grueling day, and although the crampy feeling had lessened as the evening wore on, her need to be held hadn’t.

Soaping her long arms, torso and legs, she felt the stress of the day rinse from her skin. She realized that she needed to hold onto Harm, someone warm, alive and so very solid even more then she needed to be held. He was her anchor in life. She couldn’t say when he had first become that to her, but she knew that in fact he had. While early on in their relationship, she was the one with her feet on the ground trying to keep him focused - no one would ever ground Harmon Rabb completely - he had slowly over the years found his focus to the point that she would get angry with him at times for not needing her.

Tonight, after hearing that the future she had dreamed of may never be, he had helped her realize - without hardly trying - that she could still have her dream with a little adjustment as to how it happened. She was very lucky that this man could love so unselfishly. She would be a fool to keep him waiting for the words he wanted to hear from her. Mac hadn’t been one to hold back much when someone made it obvious they wanted her but with Harm she did. Maybe it was because he treated her with so much more respect. Maybe it was because he offered her unconditional love.

Mac turned off the water and grabbed a towel, drying her hair with one towel and her body with another. Slipping into one of Harm’s t-shirts she had grabbed from his bureau to use a nightgown, she tidied up the bathroom and slipped quietly into the bedroom, sliding into bed next to him, anxiously to feel him in her arms.

While Mac showered in Harm’s bathroom, he used the shower off his office. He crossed to his bedroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. Once in his room he pulled on clean boxers and slid into bed. Mac joined him, wrapping her arms around his waist and burying her face in his chest.

Harm felt like he was being given a slice of heaven as he laid there with this beautiful woman wrapped around him. If this was all he could ever have with Mac, it would still be better then what he might have with anyone else. Mac completed him. She filled up the missing pieces in his soul.

Harm took Mac home to her apartment the next morning after breakfast. They had talked while they ate. It was necessarily a romantic meal, but Mac told Harm that she would like to move in with him if he was still interested.

They planned to move Mac in stages. She would pack up some things she would need right away and let her landlord know that she was giving up her lease while she was home today. Harm was going to do some errands and then meet her back at her apartment to load up the Lexus. She would follow him back to the house and unpack the first load and begin the settling in process.

They would rent a truck the following week and move her furniture if they could get a couple of people to help. That would be Harm’s job...to find the muscle to execute the move. Jack Keeter happened to be in the area still and was cajoled into helping with the move.

Mattie came home Sunday evening from the weekend with her father, to find Harm and Mac cuddled up on the sofa in front of the TV.

“Change your mind Mac?” asked Mattie.

“I did. He wore me down and I realized that this was where I want to be. We may have our challenges but we can get through it together better then we can apart.”

“Are you getting married?”

“Yes, but we haven’t set a date yet. You okay with that?”

“It’s cool. I’m glad you’ll be here for him Mac...I’ll be moving back with my dad after school gets out and the court says I can.”

“I know. Will you still come to see us? Maybe spend a weekend with us once in awhile?” Mac asked knowing how much it would hurt if she severed all ties with him.

“Of course. And you’ll have to come to Blacksburg to stay with Dad and me sometimes. Harm can go flying...you and I can go shopping...it’ll be cool.”

PART 11

PART 11

June rolled around and Harm got his orders to train on the F-18. He had already trained with the CIA but the Navy insisted he be trained by them. It was one week of grueling flying over the desert and mountains of Nevada. Harm was getting ready to leave, when Mac called out, “Tom and Mattie just drove in.”

“Hey...” Mattie said some what nervously when she knocked on the door at Tom’s insistence.

“Why are you knocking?” Harm asked with a chuckle as he opened the door. “Come on in.”

“We aren’t staying. Go ahead Mattie.”

“I’m ready to go back with Dad and I know you’re going to be gone next week, but Dad got a court date and we need you to sign these papers.”

“Are you sure its what you want to do?”

“Yes.”

Harm swallowed the lump in his throat as he signed the paper that would give his consent to the judge to let Mattie return to her father’s home. “I’ve got to run. I leave to qualify on the F-18 this week.” Bending to kiss Mac he whispered he’d call her and then with a smile toward Mattie and Tom, he grabbed his sea bag and headed for the door.

Mac’s heart broke for Harm as Mattie and Tom stood there and watched him go, not having a clue had hard it was for him to walk away. But Mac knew.

Tom left saying he would see Mattie on Thursday when they went before the judge. Her last day of school was Wednesday. If the judge approved it, she would move home on Thursday night. Harm was scheduled to return home on Friday.

Harm called every night and talked to Mac. He was exhausted but sounded happy. “How would you feel about me picking up a few flying hours with CAPs after I get back?”

“If that’s what you want to do.”

“Mac, if you feel it cuts into our time too much, just say so.”

“Harm I know you love to fly. I don’t want to keep you from it.”

“It’s only one weekend a month, and I’ll be flying out of Pax River again.”

“You did that once before, right?”

“Yes.”

“Would you mind if I reserved that weekend for going to the spa and shopping with Harriet then?”

“Not at all.”

“Okay...you get to play with planes and I get to pamper myself...sounds like a fair exchange to me. Hey Harm?”

“Yes.”

“What time can I expect you Friday?”

“Actually...I might be home Thursday night.”

“Perfect. I think we need to start working on the deal and it will be a prime time.”

Mac heard Harm groan and she laughed. The sound of her joy pleased Harm more then he could ever express.

“I’ll be there,” he promised.


1945 Local
Rabb Residence
Oak Run

Harm pulled into his driveway and parked the Lexus beside the garage. The two Corvette’s went in the garage. Harm recognized Tom Johnson’s truck and immediately spotted the boxes in the back of it. Tom was coming out of the house with another box, as Harm slid out of the Lexus. He patted the card he had stopped to buy on his way home. In it he had placed his wings. He wanted Mattie to soar and reach for her dreams. He had been dreading this moment, but still wanted to make it special for Mattie.

“Harm,” Tom Johnson acknowledged him as he passed the truck. “Mattie will be glad you got home before we had to leave.”

“I take it things went without any problems in court.”

“More or less. The judge has decreed that you will retain joint custody with me for a period of at least a year. If in that time I have proven myself, custody will resort to me fully again. Mattie has the choice of where she lives, but the judge warned her about trying to play us again each other. Mattie informed the judge that you wouldn’t stand for it which earned her a chuckle.”

“Are you alright with that decision, Tom?”

“Yes. You’ve already proven to me over and over you have Mattie’s best interest at heart. Colonel Mackenzie offered to represent you at the hearing and the judge agreed.”

“I’ll be out to see Mattie soon, Tom.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything else. You and Mattie work out when you want to get together. I won’t stand in the way.”

“Thanks Tom. I need to go see our girl.” Harm shook Tom’s hand and then hoisting his seabag onto his shoulder again, he opened the door to the mud room. As he stepped into the living room, Mattie was leaving her bedroom. “Got everything?”

“Harm! You made it home,” she smiled at him and he noticed the watery glaze in her eyes.

“Yes. I wanted to give you this...but you wait and open it later, okay?”

“I know, you don’t like saying good-bye. Me either.”

“We don’t need to say good-bye. We’ll see each other again soon.”

“Week from Saturday?”

“Time?”

“Eleven...and bring Mac.”

“Agreed. Hey if you leave anything you need, let us know and we’ll bring it to you.”

“Great. See you Saturday,” Mattie called as she watched Harm trot up the stairs to Mac. She went as far as the mud room before setting down the box and ripping open the card Harm had handed her. His wish for Fair winds and following seas with his wings meant so much to Mattie. She doubted her own father would ever understand.


Same Time
Upstairs at the Rabb Residence

“Hey...you okay?” Mac asked as she opened her arms to Harm. He held her tightly and she knew that as much as he fought it, there would be tears in his eyes and maybe on his cheeks.

“I will be. She wants to come visit a week from Saturday. That work for you?”

“You want me to come with you?”

“Yes...and Mattie requested you come too.”

“That will be fun. I need to get the rest of my things moved in here don’t I?”

“You sound like you’re having doubts again.”

“Why can’t I say anything without you questioning me and my commitment to our relationship Harm?” Mac asked pushing herself from his arms.

“Whoa, Tiger...I didn’t mean anything by it...I was trying to be sensitive to you...to your needs. I’m sorry Mac.”

“No...I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be jumping down your throat for my issues. This is why I wasn’t sure we should do this.”

“Mac’s its okay if you still have doubts...questions...about us...about me. I said I’d be here to work things through and I will. I also know you might need your space sometimes, so if you want to keep your apartment for now then do it. We can wait...or only move a few things. It’s up to you.”

“You’re too good to me Harm.”

“I’ll remind you about that when you jump on me for doing something stupid next time.”

“Have you had dinner?”

“No...and right now I want a shower.”

“Good idea,” Mac said, smiling when he shot a raised eyebrow her way. “How about I get some food for us, while you shower and change. Then I’d like to get back to the original plans for your homecoming.”

“I think I can oblige.” Harm waggled his brows and then headed for their bedroom and bathroom. He immediately spotted and smelled the vanilla candles she had placed in the bedroom. His Mac was going to set a scene for seduction tonight, and he was looking forward to it.

2230 Local
Rabb Bedroom

Harm backed Mac to the edge of the bed, still kissing her. Her toes had curled before he had maneuvered her from the living room but after getting her here somehow, she became aware of the mattress behind her knees and his hands roaming up and down her back, always drawing her closer to his heat. She felt his arousal pulsing between them and brushed it with her hand.

Harm inhaled sharply finally breaking the kiss and looking into her eyes with his own desired filled ones. He brought one hand to her cheek and lightly caressed it while she went to work on the buttons of his shirt. She wasn’t sure about the flowered shirt he was wearing, but he was masculine enough to pull something like that off. She planned to ask him about it sometime when her mind wasn’t filled with the sight, scent, and taste of him.

Mac stretched up to place her lips in the hollow where his throat and collarbone met. She could see his pulse there and she wanted to feel it with her lips. From there she placed little kisses down his chest until she reached one flat nipple. There she let her tongue dart out to taste him. She heard his sharp inhale and smiled as she kissed and licked her way to the other side and repeated the same treatment on the left side over his heart. His hands came up to her back again as he caressed her and pulled her toward him. Mac resisted.

He thought she was going to insist on him letting go, but that was before she sat on the bed and trailed her lips and tongue from his chest to his navel and then lower to the line of hair disappearing beneath his waist band. She felt his desire surge against her as she lightly cupped him through his clothes. “I’ve wanted to do this so many times,” Mac whispered as she reached for the buttons on his jeans. One by one she unbuttoned the fly until his jeans hung open on his lean hips. She could see the tent in his boxers but Harm stopped her wayward fingers before she could totally free him.

Instead, Harm reached out his hand and lightly covered her breast. He could feel the hardened nipple on his palm through her clothing. “You are way over dressed Mac. Would you like some help removing your top?” Harm reached for her hem and tugged the t-shirt top up and over her head, dropping it on the floor next to him. With his index finger, he traced the hollow of her collarbone then dipped into the valley between her breasts and the single clasp that held her bra closed. He looked at it for a second, before releasing it with a flick of the wrist and an devilish grin that took her breath away.

Mac shrugged the bra from her shoulders and dropped it on the floor before she started tugging the open shirt from his shoulders and adding it to the pile of clothes. Mac scooted back on the bed and pulled Harm with her. He supported himself with his knees and arms so that he didn’t fall on her. “Easy Mac...I don’t want to fall on you.”

“You won’t hurt me.”

“Let’s not risk it okay?” Harm suggested as he lay down beside her, letting his palms settle over her naked breast instead.

“Mmmmm, okay...” Mac watched his hand fondle her breast and then his index finger trace the darker areola before pressing the hardened nipple. Slowly he moved his head lower...his mouth slightly opened...his tongue peaking between his barely parted lips. The heat and moistness from his mouth shot to her very center and she felt the moisture gathering, preparing her body for intercourse. She wondered if she would have any pain this time.

Although they had cuddled and manually or orally stimulated each other it had been weeks since they had tried intercourse. They had refrained at first because Mac had been having increasing pain. Since her procedure and they had been living together again, Harm had wanted to be sure Mac was completely healed and she was as ready and eager as he was. By the looks on her face as he lathed her nipples, she was as aroused as he was. He ached for her already and neither of them had removed all their clothes yet.

Harm slid his hand lower on her stomach and then under the waist band on her slacks. “I think these need to come off soon...at least mine are undone.”

Mac lifted her hips and Harm hooked his fingers into the waist band and removed her slacks and her panties in one motion. “Wait here...” Harm muttered as he levered himself up, divested himself of his remaining clothes, and then settled against her on the bed once more, his head propped up on his hand as he leaned over to kiss her once again.

While Mac’s hands played with the hair on his chest, she felt his erection pulsate between them. Trailing her hand lower, she cupped him, feeling the weight of his ‘family jewels’ in her hand before using her index finger to trace the cords and nerves connecting them to his erection. At the rounded head, she circled him, smiling when he grew larger still. Remembering her conversation with Dr. Chen about her partner’s size, she couldn’t keep back a smile.

“Something funny or something you like?” Harm asked as he watched her rediscover him.

“I’ll tell you later...right now I need you...”

“Please stop me if you have any pain Mac.”

“I will...oh yeah...” Mac whispered as she felt Harm’s fingers touch her heated core. His thumb rubbed her nub while he let one finger dip inside her, testing the rhythm that worked for her. He saw her eyes dilate before closing.

“Keep your eyes open Mac. I want to look into them when you come.”

“Not alone, Harm...not tonight...I promise you I’m ready for you.”

He nodded and positioned himself between her legs. He used her moisture to add some lubrication to himself, not wanting to waste the most potent drop of semen a man tends to produce. Carefully he guided himself into her heated moistness. Their eyes locked together. Like this, neither could hide from the other. Once he was all the way in and she had not experienced any pain, he relaxed and began to move at a pace she seemed to like. He felt her legs wrap around his waist as he stroked into her but he lifted her six in his hands trying to get deeper yet. “Okay?”

“Yes...help me put my legs on your shoulders.”

“Last time it hurt you.”

“I’m fine...please Harm...”

He acquiesced. With Mac’s legs on his shoulders and her feet locked around his neck instead on his waist, he slowed his strokes until he was positive he wasn’t causing any pain. The new position gave him an angle and a depth of penetration Mac had never experienced before. She felt herself climbing the pinnacle and her inner muscles clamping around Harm with each stroke. They both exploded with their orgasm at the same time, before Mac let her legs return to the bed and Harm rolled to lay beside her, winded.

“Wow.”

“You mean that was even mind blowing for you, Harm?” Mac asked as she turned to watch him try to regain his air and let his heart rate return to normal.

“Oh yeah.” He smiled at her, and brought a hand up to brush the hair from her face. “You know, I always thought you were beautiful, but when you came, I swear you were radiant.”

“No one has ever said that about me before.”

“So I’m your first?”

“Yeah...thank you.”

“Thank you for?”

“Being the best I’ve ever had....loving me...understanding when I don’t always understand myself.”

“Oh that...its nothing.”

“Harm, I’m serious.”

“I know. But all those things...they are just me loving you...forever.”

“Odds are against us you know, don’t you?”

“For having a baby? For staying together? For being a two military career family? Maybe so, but nothing says its impossible...and I’ve managed to pull off a few things that people said were impossible already.”

“So what we have is another challenge for you to tackle?”

Harm could hear the stress in Mac’s voice and he reach for her to hold her in his arms. “That’s not what I meant. Think about it Mac. I have a pretty good record for accomplishing things people don’t think can be done....and so do you. Together I’ve got to believe we can beat those odds you were talking about.”

“You’re right.”

“No pain right?”

“Right. It’s a good sign. You know I’ve heard of a lot of people trying for years to get pregnant with no luck, and then when they stop trying, it happens.”

“So you want to stop trying now?”

“Not yet. But I do want to start seeing Dr. McCool and working on me.”

“You know, I think you’re pretty terrific just the way you are.”

“Thanks...but you deserve to have someone that’s your equal...and I can’t be that all the time...although I still have good moments,” Mac smiled at him, as she snuggled closer.

“Yes, you do...and you are my equal in most of the ways that count...but I know what you mean. I’m very proud of you.” Harm settled her against him as well until they both had found a comfortable position. They fell asleep soon after, each dreaming of the possibilities their future held.



“Mama, did you and Daddy always know you would have me?” a little brown eyes girl with green eyes asked.

“No...but we hoped and prayed and did everything the doctors said and finally when we were down to our last chance, we were blessed with the miracle of you.”

“Is that why Daddy won’t let me doing anything?” the dark haired beauty asked.

“That’s not true...Daddy lets you do lots of things...but he does worry that you’ll get hurt. We love you very much and wouldn’t want anything to happen to you.”

“I know, Mama...but you guys have to lighten up a little. I’m in second grade. All my friends are scouts and I want to do that too. I want to get my equine badge like Nikki Roberts did.”

“Do you even know what equine is?”

“Of course, Silly....equine is horses!”

“That’s right. I’ll talk to Daddy and see what he thinks.”

“Mama...he’ll never agree.”

“Let me work on him...I have ways of getting him to see things my way.”




“Hello son.”

“Dad? Why am I talking to you?”

“Just wanted to drop by and let you know that when its your turn to be a father, don’t take it for granted that you’ll have the next day. Live every day to the fullest, and let your children enjoy living life the same way.”

“Okay...I don’t have children yet you know...”

“Well you don’t know about it, but there are some on the way...and they will need you and their mother to be there for them.”

“Some? You mean two...three....we’re having twins...triplets?”

“No son...you and Mac will have only one child together...but you will have other children come into your life that will need your love and protection just as much. You both have big hearts. Reach out to them...give them a family. I have to go now, son.”

“No! Dad...wait...will I make a good father?”

“Yes...if you let your heart lead you.”


Next Morning
Rabb Residence

“You’re up early this morning,” Mac said as she joined Harm in the kitchen already sipping on his coffee.

“I kept having this weird dream last night...over and over again. I knew I was kind of restless, so I got up so I wouldn’t disturb you.”

“Thanks for trying, but I had my own repetitive dream last night.”

“Want to talk about it?” He handed her a cup of coffee.

“I’m not sure. Sometimes I don’t know if it’s a dream or a premonition...I think this was just a dream. My premonition are usually repetitive...they continue and give me clues...I’m pretty sure it was just a dream.”

“About?”

“Our daughter.”

“Wow...seems like we had similar themes in our dreams.”

“You dreamed about our child too?”

“Not exactly...in my dream my father told me that some children would come into our lives that needed us...and that we would have one child together.”

“In my dream, we had one...a girl...brown hair and green eyes.”

“Come here...” Harm held out a hand and guided Mac to sit on his lap. He placed one hand on her stomach and leaned his head against her. “I know its too soon to tell, and its unlikely that it happened on the first try, but I just want to imagine it...do you mind?”

“No...I think its sweet.” Mac kissed him then. Their coffee forgotten he carried her off to their bed to try for that baby once again.

PART 12

Last week of June

Rabb Residence

Falls Church

“Harm, I’m going to stop by my apartment after work today to check on a few things. I think I’m ready to bring the rest of my stuff home this weekend.”

“Alright. I’ll see you when you get home then...shall I fix dinner?”

“I’ll bring take out home when I come, okay?”

“Perfect...I may work a little longer at the office before I head home. I need Bud to help me with a few things and he said he would be available...if Sturgis doesn’t have him doing more busy work.”

“Harm, back off Sturgis. He’s not use to being in the limelight.”

“I know that, but Secretary of the Navy Sheffield thought he was up to the task more then you or me, so we’re stuck with him.”

“Are you making things difficult for him on purpose?”

“Mac, you know me better then that.”

“I do...you don’t have to try...things just happen...but I love you anyway.”

1710 Local

Mac’s Apartment

Georgetown

Mac let herself into her apartment, which was now nearly empty, only to discover that it had been trashed. Grabbing her gun from her handbag, she found a man that looked vaguely familiar coming out of her bathroom.

“Well hello Colonel Sarah Mackenzie. It’s good to see you again.”

“Tanveer?”

“At your service Ma’am.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I have news that I thought you’d want...but maybe not. Looks like you’re moving out and moving on.”

“What’s the news Tanveer?”

“Tsch, tsch...not so fast. Have you heard from Webb?”

“He’s dead.”

“I don’t think so. I think he’s the reason you’re place had been trashed and the reason I have a new vent in my ribs.”

“You were cut?”

“Yes...its just a flesh wound. I patched it up. Now I’ll help you tidy this place up...then we’ll wait.”

“For Webb or who ever is after him.”

“I can’t...someone is waiting for me to bring supper home.”

“Commander Rabb, no doubt. Call him and tell him that you’ve changed your mind and you really need to stay here alone tonight.”

“He knows me too well.”

“Good, then you can find a way to make him believe you.” Tanveer smiled trying to charm Mac to his will.

“He’ll come here to check on me.”

“See that he doesn’t.”

Mac reached for her cell phone and dialed. Harm answered his office phone immediately. “Rabb.”

“Hey...sorry to bother you, but there’s going to be a change in plans this evening.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah...I have more to do then I thought and...well...I need some time alone tonight Harm.”

“Oh Mac....I thought we were beyond that.”

“I know...I did too...I guess being here...it stirred up a few memories that I need to deal with. I did get an appointment with Dr. McCool. I’ll see her next week.”

“That’s good....right?”

“Yeah. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“What me to bring you a fresh uniform?”

“I’m fine...I brought a change of clothes and my uniform is hanging up.”

“All if you need to talk.”

“I will.”

“Very good Colonel Mackenzie. We don’t want him pulled into this little drama, now do we? How will Webb make his way here if ‘Lover Boy’ is hanging around. This will be much better.”

1755 Local

Rabb’s Office

JAG Headquarters

Harm was waiting for Bud to run that last search and hoping for the misssing pieces to the puzzle that this new case presented when his phone rang again.

“Commander Rabb.”

“I’m glad I caught you. This is Mrs. Rogers was children’s services.”

“Mattie’s with her dad now. Is something wrong?”

“I’m sorry, this isn’t about Mattie. I understand from the judge that you did a wonderful job with Mattie and that you are with someone now.”

“Yes, Colonel Mackenzie and I live together and have discussed getting married and having a family.”

“Congratulations...would you be interested in taking on a new foster child?”

“I don’t know...we haven’t discussed it.”

“Let me tell you about him. He’s six years old and quite a handful. His mother abandoned him and his father is an abusive drunk. He’s hospitalized right now, healing from the wounds his father inflicted on him for his mother walking out on them last week.”

“Oh my God! That poor child. When do you need a home for him?”

“He won’t be released from the hospital for several more days. Commander, I won’t pretend this will be easy. This little boy has had a rough life already and he’s going to need a strong hand to guide him and a gentle heart to love him. Will you talk it over with your fiancé and see if you would be willing to take this child on?”

“I will. Can we have a few days to think about this?”

“Of course. It would be best for Timmy to stay where he is until we find someone committed to taking him on. If you think you might be interested, I can arrange a visit for you in the hospital...make it seem like an accidental meeting.”

“Alright Mrs. Rogers. I’ll talk it over with my fiancé and see what she thinks. I’ll get back to you in a few days.”

“Thank you Commander Rabb.”

“I think I have the missing piece for you Commander,” Bud grinned as he entered Harm’s office. “Sorry sir. I didn’t realize you were on the phone.”

“It’s okay Bud. What have you got for me?”

“Look...is this what you’ve been missing?” Bud showed Harm the data. He didn’t see what Bud saw at first, but when Bud walked him through it the second time, it became obvious. He had the information he needed to nail the guy and in so doing get his client off the hook.

“Great job Bud. Any word on the new JAG?”

“I hear Captain Krennick’s name being bandied about still. Too bad you can’t take over sir...or Colonel Mackenzie.”

“Mac would make a great JAG.”

“So would you sir.”

“Maybe someday Bud. I’ve been here so long now, that they wouldn’t give me my own command unless I went somewhere else.”

“Where would you want to go sir?”

“Depends what they had me doing I guess. I’ve been stationed in Italy. I’ve spent time in the Middle East. I guess London or Hawaii would be my first choice...unless the talk of the Joint Forces Unit gets off the ground...San Diego would be great too.”

“London is the stepping stone to JAG I hear.”

“Well that remains to be seen, doesn’t it? Why don’t you get out of here and go home to your family, Bud.”

“Good-night sir.”

Harm secured and made his way to his car. He thought about stopping by and seeing Mac...telling her about Timmy. He went home instead knowing if she was working through some things, she wouldn’t want to think about taking on a little boy at the same time. He’d see her tomorrow. They could talk then.

Next Day

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

“Hey Harm...”

“Mac...how are you?”

“I’m okay. Got a lot of packing done.”

“You look tired.”

“Didn’t sleep much...can we talk in your office?”

“Sure...come on in.” Harm closed the door after she stepped through and watch her sit in the guest chair.

“Harm, I didn’t want to worry you last night...but Tanveer showed up in my apartment. Someone had been there and trashed it, cut him, and fled.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Couldn’t...Tanveer didn’t want you involved. Look, I’m sorry if I worried you, but I...don’t know how else to say this...he’s using me as a trap to draw out Webb.”

“Webb’s dead Mac.”

“No...not according to Tanveer. Someone is after him and he thinks that Clay will try to find me. When he does, then he will be taken out.”

“Goad Mac, you’ve got to come home where you’ll be safe.”

“No Harm...I’ve got to do this for Clay. Give Tanveer a chance to get the shooter before he gets Clay.”

“I don’t like it.”

“I know. I’d rather be home with you...”

“Then just come home.”

“I owe Webb my life...in a way.”

“You owe him nothing. He put you in that position. He set up another of his half-ass operations and had no back-up in place. He treated you like crap.”

“Please Harm...”

“Fine. Do what ever you’ve got to do.”

“I wish you weren’t mad at me.”

“I’m not mad at you Mac...worried...hurt a little maybe...I love you.”

“I know.”

“Mac, again, my timing is lousy, but you need to know...Mrs. Rogers from children’s services called. She’s looking for a home for a six year old boy and she thought of us. He’s in the hospital now, but when he gets out, they want us to take him. His mother abandoned him and his father is an abusive drunk.”

“Oh Harm...right now isn’t a good time...but when this is over, I promise you we can talk about it.”

“Alright...you be careful and call me in if you need back-up. You really think Webb’s alive again?”

“Yeah...I have no reason not to believe Tanveer.”

“Mac, something doesn’t seem right here...was he with you all night?”

“Harm, don’t go get jealous on me...I slept in my room and locked the bedroom door. He had the couch...and no, I don’t know if he left during the night at all. I didn’t hear him, but he could.”

“I know my question sounded like it was jealousy Mac...I trust you...I was just wondering if this could be a set up of some sort.”

“It could be...my instincts are telling me play this one out.”

“Okay...what can I do?”

“Give me a little space. If Webb things we’re together, he won’t show. I’ll stop over to the house later and get a few more things to have with me at the apartment until we can draw him out.”

“Don’t try to track him alone Mac. Tell me when you’re ready to go after him and I’ll go with you as back up.”

“Okay...I called Laurie June, Clay’s secretary, last night. I may try to see her later today.”

“Want me to go with you?”

“You can’t.”

“Look, know one would question me stopping by your place...I’ve always done that.”

“I know...I’ve got to get back to my office. I missed you last night.” Mac smiled as she rose to return to her own office.

“So much for working on our family this weekend....unless we can resolve this today.”

“No pouting...we’ll talk later.”

1730 Local

Mac’s Apartment

Georgetown

Harm knocked waiting for an answer. He had been frantic all afternoon not hearing from Mac and not being able to raise her on her cell phone either. After securing early he had gone home. Right away he knew she had been there and changed her clothes. Her uniform was there and her seabag gone. He had stripped off his uniform and pulled on tan jeans and a red striped shirt, grabbed his revolver and headed for Georgetown.

“Harm...come in.”

“What happened? Tanveer.”

“Aahh...Commander Rabb. Knew you wouldn’t stay away for long.”

“Mac, you didn’t come back after lunch.”

“I know...someone took a shot at us...then Laurie June called. She said something about Mandalay and then the line went dead. We just got back a few minutes ago...she’s dead Harm...her throat was slit.”

“Clay wouldn’t have done that.”

“No...but the Hawk would have.”

“The Hawk, Tanveer?”

“We think he’s been hired to take Clay out. Someone took a shot at us today. I think it was a warning to Clay.”

“Mac this is getting too dangerous. You’re not safe here.”

“Harm, I’m fine. We need to figure out what and where Mandalay is. Clay is probably there hiding out.”

“Are you sure she said Mandalay?”

“Yes. Why?”

“I remember the last time we thought Clay was dead Bud and I went to his family home and there was a picture of the Webb family in front of a seaside mansion. The plaque on the frame said Manderlee. I asked him about it one time. He said it was his mother’s brother’s home in Maryland. It was one of the few places they went together as a family and forgot the spy business.”

“Manderlee...Mandalay...I can see the possibility...you make sense, Harm,” Mac smiled up at him placing her hand on his forearm.

“Let’s go,” suggested Simon Tanveer.

“Hold on...we need a plan,” Harm cautioned.

“You have one?”

“Yeah, Tanveer I do.”

“Well so do I...the three of us go and search the grounds.”

“You know where it is?”

“Not exactly.”

“I’ll call Bud...have him do a search and get us directions.” At Tanveer’s nod of agreement, Harm reached for his cell phone.

In less then five minutes they knew their destination. It would take a couple of hours to get there. Mac drove in her car, while Harm and Tanveer followed in the Lexus. The ocean-side mansion known as Manderlee was in an isolated area off a town road. Once there Tanveer instructed Harm to check the outbuildings, while he and Mac checked the house.

“You alright with that Colonel?” Harm asked, making sure she knew he trusted her call on this.

“Fine with me. Let’s do it.”

Harm made his way to the carriage house and beyond it, protected from sight of the house, he could see a lone figure sitting on the sandy beach. He made his way there.

Inside the house, Mac found the warm tea kettle on the stove and the cup and saucer set out to make tea. She looked around, listening to Tanveer make his way through the upper level of the house. It wasn’t long before he reappeared holding out a pale yellow sweater. It was one of Clay’s favorites.

Back on the beach, Clay look up at Harm’s approach.

“I should of known you’d fine me, Rabb.”

“Mac’s fine by the way. Was that you that took a shot at her...or the Hawk.”

“The Hawk was with her...I was aiming for him.”

“Tanveer?”

“One and the same.”

“I knew something wasn’t adding up about that guy. You okay?”

“Other then almost killing Sarah...I’m fine. She with you now?”

“That’s up to her to decide. She can be with me if she wants...but she has to decide who she wants. We can’t do it for her.”

“Was she really upset?”

“What do you think Webb?”

“We need to get up to the house. Tanveer’s apt to use Sarah as a hostage so we’re going to have to be careful how we do this.”

“I’ll go get her.”

“Wait! Rabb, look...I know I’ve been an ass...but we need to work together on this...for her sake. Let me go up to the balcony and try to surprise them. You go around the back through the main door. Listen and make yourself known only if there’s no other choice. He may think I took you out.”

“Alright Webb...this has better work.”

“I have a back-up...no time to explain now. Let’s go.”

Harm watched Clay reach the suspended deck before retracing his steps to the front of the house. He needed to be focused and alert and for now not thinking about what Webb’s possible back-up plan was.

When he arrived at the door he quietly let himself in. He could here Webb and Tanveer. He heard Mac call out and a thud. He made his entrance with his gun drawn just as Simon asked about his whereabouts.

“I’m right here. Put the gun down.”

“I don’t think so. Even if you shoot me, I can get a shot off and take out the lady fair. I really don’t want to kill Sarah. I like her almost as much as the two of you do. But I’ll do it if I have to. Now put down the gun.”

“Don’t do it Rabb. He’s bluffing.”

“No he’s not Rabb...” a shot went off hitting the sofa net to Mac and making them all flinch. “The next one will hit her.”

Harm hated to do it, but he lowered his gun. He would look for the chance to over power Tanveer later, when Mac was safe.

“Smart man. Get over here with these two so I can keep my eye on all of you. I’m only after Webb...neither of you two are on the list, so if you are smart you will live.”

Harm stood between Mac, still seated on the ground, and Webb. Tanveer’s gun was trained on Webb and he could see Simon was running low on patience. Harm could see Tanveer squeezing the trigger a little tighter now. Harm slowly moved his hand toward Mac. He wanted to move in front of her...keep her safe. Just then a shot rang out spinning Tanveer around.

Startled Harm and Mac looked up in time to see Mrs. Webb pump two more shots into the man that had been trying to kill her son.

“The back up plan,” Webb mumbled to Harm, who was focused on helping Mac to her feet. “Three shots mother? Two should have done it.”

“Don’t be picky Clayton.”

“Sarah...can we talk?” Clay asked tuning out the others and the dead body before him.

“Fine.” Mac followed him onto the deck overlooking the beach but turned on him when she reached the rail. “How could you claim to love me and then pull this on me?”

“Its who I am when the stakes are high Sarah.”

“Have you ever had a real relationship before?”

“Other then with my family? No.”

“Then why me?”

“You’re different Sarah. You understand duty. You’re independent and self-sufficient without someone.”

“You really don’t know me at all do you Clay? I don’t love you. Maybe I could have if you had been honest with me. I’m not going to be the housewife that stays home and waits for my husband to return. I need more then that...I deserve more then that.”

“Is Rabb what you need? What you deserve?”

“I think so more and more every day...and I want him too.”

“He’s as bound to duty as I am Sarah. How can he make you happy?”

Without thinking, letting emotions control her, Mac let fly with an opened handed slap against Clayton Webb’s cheek that could be heard carrying on the ocean air.

“He already does.” Mac turned then and walked away passing Kershaw, the body of Tanveer on the floor and Mrs. Webb who was giving her statement to another agent. She headed for the beach. Somehow she knew that Harm would find her there. She sat in the sand, not crying, but not joyous either. She had lost a year of her life with Harm because of Clayton Webb and that Mac regretted.

“You okay?” Harm asked as he sat beside her.

“I will be. You give your statement?”

“Yeah. We can go when we’re ready.”

“They don’t need my statement?”

“Not right now.”

“I’d rather get it over with.”

“They’ve already gone...So what now Mac?” Harm asked as he sat beside her looking out at the setting sun on the water. It was the beauty of facing west on a bay.

“I feel...unsettled again. I want to strike out at someone...not you...but I’m afraid I will.”

“Want to go to the gym and blow off some steam?”

“No...but thanks for asking.”

“You want to sit her a bit longer or head back?”

“I don’t know what I want Harm.”

“Okay...sit here...I’m going to walk along the beach for awhile. You let me know when you’re ready.”

“Thanks for hanging in there with me Harm.”

He stood, tossed a smile over his shoulder and walked away from her so she could decide what she wanted without his presence influencing her. As he told Clay, Mac would need to make up her own mind.

PART 13

2230 Local

Rabb Residence

Fall Church, Virginia

Mac had sat lost in thought until the sun set. As darkness descended, she went to find Harm. He opened his arms to her and she had stepped into his embrace. His long arms closing around her while neither of them said a word, healed the hurts inside Mac more then any discussion could have at that moment. Hand in hand they had made their way to their cars, Mac following Harm to his house. He waited for her outside the garage and hand in hand entered the quiet house.

“I’m going to shower, okay?” Mac said quietly.

“Go ahead. I’ll fix us something to eat.” Harm hugged her before letting her walk away. He knew her emotions were raw but he was thankful she wasn’t shutting him out. This was a huge step for her and therefore for them as a couple.

Harm thought about the little boy that needed someone to care for him. He thought about how Mattie had forced him to face some things about himself and wondered if caring for a little boy would help Mac, or be one thing to many to deal with. He would wait until tomorrow to bring it up to her again. Tonight was for Mac and what she needed.

Setting grilled cheese sandwiches, with bacon in Mac’s, on the table and pouring them each an ice tea, Harm looked up to see Mac in one of his t-shirts coming toward him.

“Feel better?”

“Cleaner...mmmm smells good.”

“Have a seat...anything else you want?”

“This is good,” Mac said setting the sandwich back down after taking the first bite. “Harm, do you think about what you should do or say...or do you just some how know?”

“It depends on the situation I guess Mac. Can you be more specific?”

“Today when we were getting ready to go in and Tanveer was directing us...you asked if I was okay with it. What made you ask?”

“You’d been working with Tanveer...you knew Webb...you’re a trained Marine...if you had any doubts I wanted to know before I moved forward.”

“Thank you...that meant so much to me even in the moment...but it means even more hearing your reasoning. What about later...when you just opened your arms to me?”

“It felt right...to me...I wanted you to have the option.”

“It felt right to me too.” Mac smiled. She knew Harm was probably confused by her questions but she needed to know something else first before she tried explaining it to him. “Harm...when you met Mattie...did you just know she needed you?”

“No. I thought she was a fiesty little girl with a very busy father and never gave it a thought. It wasn’t until later when she seemed to need me...and attached Chegwidden calling him a bald-headed mean man...or something on that idea,” he chuckled recalling the situation, “before I realized that something didn’t add up. She needed me - or someone- to be there for her.

“After I talked to AJ, I thought about going back to the Navy...being with you again...and I realized that I couldn’t walk away from Mathilda Grace completely. I confronted her about her father when I went back to tell her I was returning to the Navy. She admitted that he was gone and she was alone. I didn’t know if I was doing the right thing or not...but I had to try to do something. I was hardly dealing with my life at that point. I probably never should have offered to take her on...but we had a bond...she trusted me...and I knew I needed to be needed at that point.”

“It wasn’t always easy was it?”

“No...I had to face some of my own demons if I was going to help her. She confronted me about my feelings for you...asked me about losing my father...what it was like for me growing up thinking I had to take care of my mother...they were all things I hadn’t allowed myself to think about much...and I realized that it was the reason I guarded myself so carefully...fought to keep my control. The night you brought Mattie to me at the wall....she had to tell me is was okay to hug her. This little girl was showing me all the things that I should have known as an adult. I started reading everything I could get my hands on about child psychology; the effects of losing a parent on a child; parenting teenagers; the effects of alcohol on the rest of the family; and how to understand the females in your life.”

Harm glanced at Mac and they shared a smile. She reached out to take his hand and with fingers locked together he asked her, “Does that answer your question?”

“Yes.” Her smile warmed him as their eyes met and locked. “Do you regret any of your time or efforts with Mattie?”

“No...she made my life richer...fuller...and if the truth is known...she helped me be able to express myself enough so that I could understand some of what you needed from me.”

“Do you think that it might help me if I was helping you take care of this little boy you told me about?”

“I think you are going to have to decide that Mac.”

“You want to take him, don’t you?”

“Yes...but I think we have to agree to do this together...I won’t choose him or us.”

“Let’s go meet him Harm. I miss Mattie being here. I like what she did for you. I want a chance to learn how to be a parent too...if you’re willing to help out. I don’t think I could have taken on a child alone like you did.”

“But Mattie is much older. She helped me grow up and I gave her back her childhood. Timmy sounds like he’ll be a challenge for both of us.”

“I want to know more Harm. Let’s call in the morning and see if we can see him.”

“Alright...you look tired, Tiger.”

“I am...will you be disappointed if I ask you to just hold me tonight?”

“Yes...but I can live with it...besides, you could change your mind in the morning after a goodnight’s sleep.”

“I just might. Let’s go to bed.”

“You go ahead. I’m going to clean up the kitchen and take a quick shower. I’ll join you soon.”

“Good...I don’t sleep so good without you beside me.”

1230 Local

Children’s National Medical Center

Fairfax, Virginia

Mrs. Rogers waited for them at the hospital entrance. “I’m so glad you called and are willing to meet Timmy. He’s just finishing his lunch, so this is a great time. You’re Sarah Mackenzie?” Mrs. Rogers asked offering Mac her hand.

“Yes. It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Rogers. Harm and I are looking forward to meeting Timmy.”

“Then let’s go up, shall we?”

“Did you tell him we were coming?” asked Harm as he held the door for the women.

“I told him that I had talked to someone about him, but I didn’t want to get his hopes up.”

“Mrs. Rogers, I need to be up front with you. I’m still working through a lot of issues that my life had thrown my way. If you think that it wouldn’t be fair to this little boy, I’d rather know now then get anybody’s hopes raised.”

“That’s very noble of you, but most parents learn as they go along. We find that caring people that have never parented before sometimes become the best foster parents. They can relate to the children that sometimes come from very horrible situations. It does them good to know that a caring adult has been there and experienced some of the same nightmares but had been able to thrive anyway. Don’t sell yourself short.”

“Okay...then let’s go meet this little man.” Mac could feel Harm’s hand resting against her back as they followed Mrs. Rogers to the pediatric unit. Instead of being in a ward, they had put him in a semi-private room.

“He was having nightmares and waking up the other kids, so they moved him in here. One of the nurses stays in here with him most of the time at night in case he has a nightmare or wakes up. They didn’t want him to be alone.”

They stepped into the room and Mrs. Rogers whispered to them, “That’s him. Timmy? You remember me?”

The little brown haired boy nodded and looked with interest at the two people entering his room with Mrs. Rogers.

“This is Sarah and Harm. They wanted to meet you.”

“Hi Timmy...my name is Sarah, but my friends call me Mac. It’s a nickname for my family name...Mackenzie. How are you feeling?”

“Okay...Mac’s a funny name for a girl.”

“It is...but his name is Harmon...and we call him Harm...that’s funny too isn’t it?”

“Yeah...” he giggled, warming everyone’s heart. Harm and Mrs. Rogers exchanged glances. Timmy and Mac were making a connection and for now Harm needed to stay in the background. Mrs. Rogers had warned him that his size and the fact he was male would intimidate Timmy at first, whose father was six foot three and violent.

“I have a friend named Mathilda too...but we call her Mattie. Do you have a nickname?”

“Timmy...my real name is Timber...that’s pretty weird too huh?”

“Its different...but it’s a strong name...and Tim and Timmy are great nicknames.”

“Do you have kids?”

“No...but someday I hope I do.”

“What about him?”

“Mattie lived with Harm for awhile when her Daddy couldn’t take care of her. She lives with him again, but we go visit her sometimes.”

“Am I going to live with you or him?”

“Both of us...we hope.”

“He’s scary,” Timmy whispered to Mac as he watched Harm watching them.

“He’s very gentle Timmy. Harm, why don’t you come sit over here and read this story to Timmy and me?”

“Okay...If that’s okay with Tim.”

“What do you say?”

“Okay...but you sit here with me.” Timmy leaned against Mac and she loosely put her arm around his back. Mrs. Rogers had told them that his ribs and kidneys had been bruised when his father had punched him, but he was healing nicely. Mac could also see the bruises on his face still, although they were fading too.

Timmy listened to every word Harm read and never took his eyes off him. Mac watched as Harm’s voice mesmerized the little boy with his hand now slipped inside hers. When Harm finished he smiled at the boy and got a smile back in return.

“Are you getting tired of sitting in this room, Tim?” Harm asked.

“Yes.”

“How about you let Mac help you get a robe and slippers on and I’ll see if we can take you outside.”

“I’m not going out with my pajamas on! I want to put real clothes on.”

“I’ll help you while Harm talks to the nurse.”

Clothes were found that he could wear and hand in hand they slowly walked out to the hospital court yard. It was the first time Tim had been outside in over a week, and he loved it. They walked until they found the ice cream vendor set up on the corner of the hospital grounds. Harm trotted over and bought them each an ice cream cone, to Tim’s delight.

Tim found a caterpillar on the ground and studied it until it crawled between the rocks on the stone walled hedge. He found a toad next and slowly crawled after it, touching it to make it jump if it stopped. Harm and Mac laughed watching him enjoy the freedom of being outside.

Harm stood up knowing it was getting late and they needed to take him back inside soon. The sun was behind him and his shadow fell over Tim, who was still on the ground, now looking for a four-leaf clover. Suddenly he sat up and held his hands up to protect his face as he tried scooting on his butt away from Harm. Mac realized what was happening, tugged on Harm’s arm.

“Kneel down...quick.” Harm followed Mac’s instructions and Timmy visibly relaxed. “It’s okay Timmy. It was Harm’s shadow. He won’t hurt you. You okay?”

He nodded and Harm reach his hand toward Timmy. “Would you like to ride on my shoulder so you can be even bigger then me?”

“Can I?”

“Yes. We’ll see how long we can make our shadow together. What do you say?”

“Okay...” Tim moved toward Harm and Mac helped him climb on to Harm’s shoulders. Carefully Harm stood up and they laughed at the huge shadow the two cast together. Once they had crossed the grounds again, this time with a giggling brown haired child riding high on Harm’s shoulders, Mac helped him down so they could fit through the door way. Holding both their hands, Timmy proudly returned to the hospital room with his new friends. The nurse was waiting for him.

“Did you have fun Timmy?”

“Yeah...I found a catepillar and played with a toad and we had ice cream...” he paused to yawn.

“And now you need to rest before we bring in your dinner. You don’t have to put your pajamas on yet, and maybe tonight you’d like to eat dinner with the other kids.”

“Okay...will you stay until I fall asleep?” Timmy asked Mac when Harm helped him to settled into his bed.

“If you lay down and close your eyes,” Mac promised.

He did and was asleep in seconds.

1620 Local

Rabb Residence

Falls Church, Virginia

“Harriet, you should see him. Despite everything he’s been through he has the most adorable chubby cheeks. His hair is the same color as Harm’s...he reminds me of a Harm when he was a little boy...in the picture with his Dad that he carries.”

<You sound like he’s captured your heart.> Harriet chuckled after listening to Mac tell her about their visit to Timmy.

“He did...and Harm’s too. I think we’re going to take him.”

<You’re not sure?>

“Harm’s gone for a run to think it over a little more...but yeah, I think my life is about to really change. Think I can handle it?”

<Mac you’re so good with AJ and Jimmy. Why wouldn’t you be good with this little boy?>

“Thanks Harriet...but AJ and Jimmy go home to be with you...Timmy will be home with us.”

<You’ll do fine. You can always call for ideas and I’m sure he’d enjoy playing with AJ.>

“There’s so much to do to get ready for him.”

<Don’t over whelming him by giving him too much. Have a few things for him, then take him shopping and get one or two things at a time for him.>

“Good idea. He has nightmares Harriet...any suggestions?”

<You know that small room next to your...Harm’s bedroom?>

“It’s okay Harriet...its our bedroom. What were you saying about the small room?”

<Just that it would probably be a good idea if he used that room to start with. He’ll be close, but he won’t be in the room with you.>

“Harm mentioned that to the woman from children’s services...she said that the agency would prefer that he had his own room and bathroom if possible. There’s a bedroom next to Harm’s office. We’ll put Timmy in there but get a monitor so we can hear him. I’ll use the small room for my office...for now.” The hope that it would eventually be a nursery hung unspoken in the air.

<I have some clothes that AJ out grew. Would they fit Timmy?>

“Thanks Harriet, but I don’t think so. Timmy’s tall for his age. I think he’s about AJ’s size or maybe a little bigger.”

<Let us know what we can do to help.>

“We will. Thanks Harriet...I hear Harm returning. I’ll talk to you later.” Mac watched as Harm, all sweaty from his run, came up the stairs and leaned toward her with a quick kiss. “Mmmm I like you like that...” she teased.

“Mac, I smell.”

“You smell fine to me. So?”

“It’s up to you.”

“Then let’s take him. I think we can make a real difference in his life Harm.”

“I know. Mrs. Rogers said that the nightmares are rough on everyone...which is why they are having trouble finding a home for him. Some nights he hardly sleeps.”

“I know what that’s like. He and I can get through those nights together.”

“Mac...there will be times that its going to be up to you...when he’s scared of me and my size.”

“That bothers you doesn’t it?”

“Not as much as it did when I scared him with my shadow today. It did tell me he’s more fragile then he first appeared.”

“I’ll take a few days off to stay home with him and let him get adjusted,” Mac offered.

“Mac, we need to take him to the therapeutic day care program at the National Children’s Center this summer. He’ll have a chance to work through some issues and still play with kids. It’s run by the children’s services people and the hospital...and its close.”

“You’re right...”

“But we can take a day off now and then to do things together as a family.”

“That’s an even better plan... Thanks Harm.”

“For what?”

“Understanding...finding a solution.”

“You want to call Mrs. Rogers while I shower?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll be back soon and we can go grab some dinner and figure out what we’re going to need for him. I love you.”

“I love you too, Harm.”

1830 Local

Restaurant

Near Tyson’s Corners

“I think the bedroom we were going to use for my office is perfect for Timmy’s bedroom. It’s a neutral color so we don’t have to repaint it for him. We can make it a little boy’s room by picking out curtains, sheets and bedspreads and a room rug that a boy would like.”

“I can bring the twin bed and the bureau up that Mattie used. By taking off the head and foot board, it will work for a boy. I can make a headboard that will hang on the wall. Mattie won’t be home for a visit for awhile.”

“We can put my bed and bureau in the guest room for her when she does come home,” Mac offered. “You know, Harriet said we should be careful not to get too much for him right away because he’ll get overwhelmed. What do you think we should get for basics?”

“Underwear, t-shirts, shorts, jeans, socks and a jacket. We can take him to buy new shoes if he needs them later. I think he should have a car and a truck to play with...and a ball.”

“No airplanes?”

“No...he and I’ll pick one out together if he’s interested.”

“What about groceries? You don’t eat kid friendly foods you know.”

“Sure I do...sometimes. My pancakes are usually a big hit.”

“I’ll pick out the food to get us started...you pick out the toys...and some books.”

“Great idea. You ready to shop?”

“Yes...I’m can’t believe they are going to let us bring him home tomorrow afternoon. We’re really going to do this kid thing together, huh?”

“Yup...and did you notice that he has brown hair and brown eyes...just like you?”

“I did...but I thought he reminded me of you in the picture you have with your dad.”

“Mrs. Rogers said that they anticipate he’ll be available for adoption in a few months. We’ll see how things go and decide with Timmy if he’s going to be a part of our family.”

“Harm...I know you haven’t said anymore about marriage...”

“Mac, its okay. You’ve faced lots of change. No pressure. We can decide when we’re ready...I do want to marry you...nothing has changed...okay?”

“Okay...Lets go shopping for Timmy.”

PART 14

Saturday July 4

Johnson Residence

Blacksburg, Virginia

Timmy had been with them almost a week. They hadn’t been kidding about his nightmares. The worst of it fell on Mac, because after a nightmare, Timmy would scream louder when Harm came to him. The first three nights had been rough, but by Wednesday night, wanting to let Mac have some sleep, they had turned off the monitor and Harm had offered to sleep by Timmy’s bed - right on the floor. That night, when Timmy woke up from his dream, Harm’s soft voice, soothing him in the dark and rubbing his back, hadn’t frightened the boy. Instead he had been reassured by Harm’s touch and voice. He had slept through the rest of the night. Thursday night, Harm again slept on the floor by Timmy’s bed. The nightmare came again around midnight but didn’t seem as severe. After the nightmare, Harm returned to his own bed and Mac.

Then last night, they turned the monitor on again when they put Timmy to bed and had stayed up late waiting for the midnight nightmare to strike. When it hadn’t come by zero one hundred they had gone to bed. Timmy had slept through the night. He was up at six, hungry for breakfast. Fortunately they had moved Mac’s television and sofa to the house before picking up Timmy last Sunday, so they were able to sleep a little longer after Timmy was settled in front of the television with some dry cereal to snack on.

Timmy was eager to meet Mattie. Harm and Mac hoped she would be as pleased to meet Timmy. They were springing him on her as a surprise. They arrived at the house at eleven as promised. Harm went to the door to announce their arrival while Timmy and Mac waited in the car.

“You’re right on time!” Mattie declared launching herself into Harm’s arms as soon as the door was open. “Mac come with you?”

“Yes...and so did someone else.”

“Who?”

“His name is Timmy...Mrs. Rogers called and asked us if we would take him.”

“Really? You’ve already got another kid?” Mattie’s smile was a little forced, but she kept it in place.

“Yes...a little brother for you almost. You okay with this?”

“Let me meet him...then I’ll tell you.”

“Fair enough. You ready to go?” Harm asked her.

“Yes...Dad?” she called into the house behind her. “I’m going with Harm and Mac now.”

“Commander...good to see you. Will folks join us later for a barbeque?” Tom Johnson asked.

“I’d like to. Can we see how the day goes first? We have a six year old boy staying with us and this is the first family outing since he came to us. I’m not sure how he’ll be after the parade and a picnic.”

“Not a problem...there is plenty if you decide to stay and enough people coming that it won’t be a problem if you don’t.”

“Very well. What time do you want Mattie back?”

“Five work for you?”

“Five it is. Come on Mathilda Grace.” Harm and Mattie walked to the Lexus arm in arm. “Everything going okay?”

“Yes. I was a little tense when he wasn’t home when I got back from a bike ride the other day, but he had been visiting with friends and lost track of time. He was fine.”

“Good. Mattie, I’d like you to meet Timber...also known as Timmy. Timmy, this is Mathilda Grace....also known as Mattie.”

Timmy giggled when Mattie said, “Another member of the weird name bridgade. Nice to meet you Tim. Can I call you Tim?”

“Yes,” he giggled as Mattie climbed in.

“Hey Mac...you know, it just dawned on me. You’ve got a pretty name, Sarah, yet you get called Mac, which is a weird name for a girl. The rest of us have weird names and we tried to find something normal sounding to be called. How weird id that?”

“I guess your right, Mattie...but I think Mathilda Grace has a nice ring to it.”

“Yeah...sure...liked you’d name your child either of those names.”

“I might...especially Grace. I’ve always liked that name.” Mattie looked at Mac ready to challenge her but stopped when she recognized the sincerity in Mac’s look. “Thank you...but I won’t hold you to it.”

They had a great day. They had a picnic lunch in the park and listened to the music played by different people on the bandstand. Timmy found two other little kids to play with his own age. As Mattie, Harm and Mac sat together watching him, Mattie turned to Harm. “He’s adorable. I kind of like the idea of him being my brother.”

“Not upset with us for taking him so soon after you left?” Harm checked.

“No...you’d probably have taken him even if I’d been with you, wouldn’t you?”

“Maybe...but it would have been a family decision.”

“That’s cool. Hey, the parade should be starting. We should get in line. Come on Timmy,” Mattie called.

Timmy came running to them and dropped on the blanket next to Mac before she could stand up.

“Hey little man...ready for a parade?”

“Yes. Can I sit up high on your shoulders?” he asked Harm who was still kneeling on the blanket putting things in the basket.

“Of course. Ready?” he asked. At his nod, “Climb on board then.”

Mattie and Mac linked arms as they followed Harm with Timmy high on his shoulders to find a great place to watch the Fourth of July parade.

2130 Local

Rabb Residence

Fall Church, Virginia

Harm and Mac had stayed at the Johnson barbeque for a little while, but Timmy was obviously tired and clung to them. They had managed to get him into the tub, cleaned up, and into his pajamas before he fell asleep while Harm read to him. Tucking him in they turned on the monitor and left him to dream sweet dreams...they hoped.

“That was fun today wasn’t it?” Mac asked as they snuggled together on her sofa in front of the television.

“It was. I felt like we were a real family. I was looking around at the other families that were there and thinking, we look like they do despite everything.”

“I know. Mattie was great with Timmy. I heard him tell her that he use to have bad dreams but you scared the monster away,” Mac told Harm.

“Let’s see if it stays away tonight. So what’s on the agenda for tomorrow?”

“Well, the laundry needs to be done...and we need groceries.”

“The lawn needs to be mowed...and the carpets need to be vacuumed...guess we have housework and chores that will keep us busy most of the morning at least.”

“I’ll make a deal with you...I’ll do laundry if you mow.”

“Okay...and I’ll vacuum if you change the sheets.”

“We can grocery shop together...I thought it would be cool to take Timmy somewhere tomorrow afternoon together. Any ideas?”

“What about the Ramsey Nature Center?”

“I wonder if he’s ever been to the zoo.”

“Let’s see what he’s up for in the morning. The national zoo can be an all day excursion and the Nature Center would be suitable for an afternoon.”

“Good idea. We can go get the groceries on our way home.”

“Great plan...now I have some ideas for us.”

“Oh yeah? Care to fill me in?”

“I think you should take me to bed and show me how much you love my body...what do you say?”

“I say I love all of you and if I only focused on your body...you’d get short changed.”

“Nothing about you is short Sailor...” Mac whispered as she touched him through his clothes, finding him as ready for her as she was for him.

0800 Local

Sunday Morning

“Harm, can you get the phone?” Mac called.

“Got it! Oh...hi Harriet. She’s up to her neck in laundry at the moment. Timmy and I are heading out to mow the lawn.”

“You sound like you’ve fallen into a family routine already.”

“We have. So how you feeling Harriet?”

“Great so far. I figured carrying twins I would be more uncomfortable then normal, but I feel the best I’ve felt during any pregnancy. Look, the reason I called was to invite you guys to come over for dinner this afternoon. We’d like to meet Timmy and thought he’s and Little AJ would have fun together. What do you say?”

“I’ll check with Mac...we were going to take Tim to the Nature Center, but I guess that can wait.”

“Yeah...try about ten years! I took AJ and he hated it. I was interested, but he was bored silly. Joining us it’s a much better plan.”

“Okay...What time do you want us there?”

“Any time after eleven and before one.”

“Great...if she had any questions I’ll have her call. See you later Harriet.”

Mac liked the idea and returned to the laundry while Harm took Tim out to help him with the mowing. First they walked the grounds together picking up sticks and any trash they had blown onto the lawn from people throwing things out car windows. Next, Harm settled Timmy onto the patio with a book and his truck and car. “You stay here while I mow the lawn. Make sure I see you point to the house before you go in...okay?”

“Okay Harm. I’ll be good.”

“I know you will, son.” Harm didn’t see the intent gaze Timmy used on him as he walked away and climbed on the mower.

1545 Local

Roberts Residence

Falls Church, Virginia

“I can’t believe the time. Harriet, this has been a fun afternoon, but we’ve got to go get the grocery shopping done,” Mac announced as they sat in the kitchen over tea and chatted while the boys played together and the men watched a baseball game.

“You know...we could go together to grocery shop and leave the men to watch their game and the boys.”

“That’s not a bad idea. Let me check with Harm.”

“No...no...you tell him the plan.”

“Harriet...”

“Trust me on this. Watch and listen...Bud?”

“Yes Sweetie?”

“Watch the boys for me while I go get the groceries, okay?”

“Sure, Sweetie.”

“Anything you want?”

“Don’t forget the popcorn. I used the last of it last night.”

“It’s on the list....Okay Mac...give it a try.” Harriet grinned, loving the chance to coach the Colonel.

“Harm?”

“Yes?”

“I’m going with Harriet to get the groceries. You and Timmy can stay with Bud and the boys until I get back. Need anything?”

“We’ll come with you...that was the deal remember?”

“I know...but Harriet and I thought we could go together...”

“Oh...alright...sure...Timmy and I can stay here. Don’t forget to come back for us.”

“I won’t...” Mac kissed him, earning her a smile from Bud and Harriet, “See you later.” She didn’t disrupt the boys playing upstairs with the cars before following Harriet outside. “Why don’t we take the Lexus, then no one will have to move groceries twice?”

“Good idea. It will be a treat not to drive.”

The women had been gone about fifteen minutes when the boys came running downstairs to get a drink. While Bud got up to tend to the boys, Harm looked up to see Timmy with his thumb in his mouth, tears on his face, and wet pants.

“What happened Timmy? Did you forget to stop playing in time to make it?” Harm asked thinking the wet pants were the reasons for the tears and the thumb. When Timmy cried harder, Harm was a little perplexed. “Come on, its okay. Let’s get you cleaned up.” Harm stood up and took the trembling hand in his own to lead him to the bathroom. They had brought a backpack with a change of clothes, so Harm scooped it up and brought it with them.

Helping the child into clean dry clothes after washing him, he realized something more was going on then the wet pants...suddenly he knew and he hugged the boy in his arms. “You’re not crying because you had an accident are you? You don’t know where Mac is...she’ll be back soon. She went with Harriet to get the groceries. She thought you’d like to play longer with the boys instead of going with her. She’ll be back soon...I promise.”

“Everything okay?” Bud asked as they returned to the family room. “I brought Timmy a snack.”

“Thank you. Here you go, son. You want to sit with me or the boys?” Harm felt the little hand in his tighten and so he took a seat and pulled the child onto his lap.

“Up Dadda!” announced Bud’s youngest boy, climbing on his lap.

“You going to join us up here AJ?” Bud asked the oldest boy.

“Okay. Daddy?”

“Yes, son.”

“Can Timmy stay over night with me?”

“You’ll have to ask Uncle Harm about that?”

“Can he Uncle Harm?”

Harm felt the child sink against him even closer. “Not tonight, AJ...but maybe sometime soon. Maybe you can come to our house and stay over instead first.”

“Tonight?”

“No...not tonight. Let me talk to Aunt Mac about it first, okay?”

“Okay.”

When Harriet and Mac returned, Harm got their things together and settled Tim in his booster seat, while the others took Harriet’s groceries inside. Before getting into the Lexus, Harm stopped Mac. “He’s upset...he didn’t know where you had gone...I didn’t realize what was going on at first when I spotted him sucking his thumb, crying and with wet pants.”

“Oh no...I didn’t think.”

“It’s okay...I didn’t either. I think he was so afraid that you had left him that he wet himself. He’s been withdrawn since.”

“Think the nightmares will come back tonight?”

“I hope not...but they could. I just wanted you to know why he seems a little withdrawn.”

“Thanks...” They got in the car and Mac turned to Timmy. “I understand you were upset when you couldn’t find me. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was going to the store. I just thought you were having fun and would want to stay with AJ and Jimmy. I promise next time I’ll tell you when I’m going to go somewhere...okay?”

Timmy only nodded. The rest of the day he was quiet and followed Mac around, not wanting her out of his sight. When they were getting him ready for bed that night, he took them both by surprise. “Can I call you Mommy and Daddy like AJ calls his parents?”

“Do you want to?”

“Yes. You do know you have another mother and father right?” Harm asked him.

“Yes...but my mother doesn’t want me and never comes home. My father is a bad man and I don’t want him to be mean to me anymore...I want you to be my Mommy and Daddy now. I like Mattie and AJ and Jimmy and Aunt Harriet and Uncle Bud.”

“Okay. If you want, I guess there’s no problem with it. I’ll have to check with Mrs. Rogers.”

“Call her now, okay?” urged the six year old.

“I’ll call her tomorrow...until then I guess we can try it.”

“Thanks Daddy!” beamed the youngster.

Mac even earned a tight hug before bed that night...and the nightmares didn’t return.

1830 Local

Rabb Residence

Falls Church, VA

“Daddy! Daddy! Did you talk to Mrs. Rogers? Can we keep the names?” Timmy asked running ahead of Mac who had picked him up from the day care while Harm went home to start supper. They took turns picking up Timmy from daycare or preparing dinner and cleaning-up.

“Yes, son...she said its okay for us to keep the new names.”

“Cool! So I can stay here forever and ever and not have to go back home like Mattie did?”

“Hold on son, I didn’t say that...I said you can call us Mommy and Daddy. It will be up to a judge whether or not you ever have to go back. We’ll keep you forever and ever unless a judge tells us we can’t...okay?”

“Okay...can I help?”

“How about you set the table for me?”

“Okay.”

Mac joined them for the end of the conversation. “You handled that well, Daddy.”

“Thank you Mommy...I think we’ve been claimed...forever and ever.”

“Yeah...and I think we need to get married and promise to stay together forever and ever too. You ready for that Sailor?”

“Only with you, Sarah...only with you.”

“How come those words scared me silly when you said on the ferry and now they sound so wonderful?”

“I’m not sure...maybe contemplating ‘never’ instead of ‘forever’ changes ones’ perspective enough that it becomes easier to imagine.”

“Well what ever it is, I’m so glad you challenged my never and raised it to forever.”

PART 15 - EPILOGUE

Two years later

London England

The changes for the Rabb family never seemed to end. First, Mattie had been injured in an airplane accident learning to fly. Tom hadn’t been able to handle it and Mattie had once again returned to the Rabb family.

Although Harm and Mac had talked about getting married with each other and Harriet and Bud, they hadn’t gotten around to doing it, until they got orders that would be sending them in opposite directions. Mac had refused her assignment, requesting inactive reserves in order to take care of Mattie while she recovered from her injuries and to raise Tim in London with Harm. She had reassured Harm that it was exactly what she wanted to do with her life. Her sessions with Dr. McCool had gone from weekly, to every other week, to monthly and now Dr. McCool had released her, declaring her ready to take on the world. Mac didn’t care about the world at large...just her portion of it. The one with Harm, Mattie and Tim.

Harm was promoted to Captain and given the command position in London as European Force JAG. It was a stepping stone to JAG Headquarters which would mean they would probably return to the house someday. They thought about renting it out while they were gone, but finally decided to sell.

Harriet helped Mac arrange a small wedding for them, before they were to leave for London. She and Bud kept Mattie and Tim for them, while they went away on a quick one night honeymoon, planning to take a vacation together later on when they had more time.

Just before leaving for London, they had appeared before the judge who had finalized the adoption of both children and signed the papers legally changing their names to Rabb.

Harm’s hours were long in his new job, but he vowed not to bring his work home with him. When he walked through the doors of their military provided housing, his time belonged to his family. They had been in London about five months, when he noticed how radiant and happy Mac was. Their love had grown stronger and was reflected back to them in the smiling faces of their children.

Mattie was improving and getting stronger all the time with Mac’s help and Tim was secure living with his new family in a new country with his new name. Life couldn’t get any better thought Harm...until he came home one day to find a gift from Mac on the bed. It was a tiny baby sweater and booties. He picked up the soft knit outfit in his big rough hands and looked at Mac. They had agreed early on that they would let nature take its course. He had assumed that she wasn’t able to conceive after of year of nothing. Now he looked at her and realized why she was so happy and radiant.

“How long have you known?” he asked.

“For sure...since this morning. I’ve suspected for about two weeks. How do you feel about being a Daddy...to your own flesh and blood?”

“You mean the other two aren’t?” Harm kidded with her, grinning from ear to ear.

“They do seem to take after us, don’t they?” Mac agreed.

“Come here, Mamma.” Harm smiled as he took his wife in his arms and kissed her. “When are we expecting the addition?”

“In May...”

“Just two years later then we planned.”

“Yes, but Tim came to us the year we were suppose to start our family.”

“That’s true. Think it’s the girl that looks like me and has your brains?”

“Could be...she showed up in my life when I least expected it...just like you did.”

“Any regrets?”

“Not that I can think of at the moment.”

Eight months later, Harm looked down into the pink blanket wrapped bundle wearing the white sweater and matching booties along with a white bonnet Mac had finished making. Greenish blue eyes looked up at him, still not seeing clearly at only one day old. Carefully Harm placed the little girl in her mother’s waiting arms. He watched her nurse contentedly and then her eyes closed as she slept.

“I had given up hopes that she would ever be, Harm.”

“I know...we’re so glad you made it here,” Harm whispered as he touched her soft cheek with his finger once again. “Are you ready to go home and meet the rest of the family?”

“I am. I hate hospitals,” laughed Mac.

“Okay...we’re going.”

Back at the Rabb Residence, Mattie and Tim waited to meet the new baby and to have Mac at home again. Mattie had slipped into the habit of referring to Harm and Mac as Mom and Dad as much because it felt comfortable as to make it less confusing for Tim.

The whole family had helped to decide on names. They had chosen Bradley Harmon Rabb for a boy, by using Tim’s original family name, which was now his middle name, and Harm’s first name. The girl’s name hadn’t been as easy. Mac had wanted Grace, but Mattie said it wasn’t fair to stick a little girl with an older name. Harm had wanted to use Sarah Grace, but Mac had objected saying it would be too confusing. Tim had suggested Amazing Grace, because he had heard the song in church. No one else liked the idea. Going through a book of names, they had hit on Angela. When paired with Grace they knew they had a winner. That’s the moment Mac’s water had broken and they had hurried to get her to the hospital to deliver the baby. When it was a girl, Angela Grace was chosen.

What ever was in store for the Rabb Family, one thing was certain. It would be a life filled with love, adventure and wonderful, wonderful memories as they filled books of photos and journals forever.

THE END