Title: Salvage
Author: Hollyjp
Classification: Harm/Mac Romance, some drama
Spoilers: Any thing and everything from Season 9 episodes and spoilers as well as episodes from past seasons.
Standard Disclaimer: JAG is the property of Bellisario Productions, CBS, and Paramount. I have borrowed their characters for entertainment purposes only. No monetary gain will result from their appearance in my story.
Chapter 1
JAG HQ
“Enter!” Admiral Chegwidden bellowed from his desk when he heard the standard rap on the door casing given by Commander Harmon Rabb, Junior.
“Commander Rabb, reporting as ordered, Sir.”
“At ease, Commander. Where’s Colonel Mackenzie?”
“Right here, sir. I was detained.”
“Have a seat- both of you. I’ve just been made aware by the folks at Langley that Sadik has been spotted in the area.” He paused and watched as Mac stiffened and Harm went on full alert. When neither spoke he continued. “Kershaw has asked me to let you join them to set a trap for him, Colonel.”
“Yes sir. When and where, admiral?”
“Kershaw is waiting for me to contact him and then he will let us know more...Commander Rabb, you are unusually quiet.”
“Waiting to hear why you called me in, sir.”
“I’m sure you would not object to being involved in this operation...”
“No sir. I wouldn’t mind another go at him, but I suspect that I’m not being asked to be involved at this point.”
“You would be correct. Look Harm, I called you in so you could be a part of the discussion from the get go. I want you to talk this over with the Colonel and see if there is any role that you feel you can fill that someone at CIA can’t. If you come up with something, let me know. Otherwise, I will call Kershaw and let you know what I find out Mac.”
“Yes Sir,” they both answered as they came to their feet.
“Dismissed.”
Harm and Mac left the office and Mac spoke over her shoulder, “Come in to my office so we can talk, Harm.”
Once in her office she closed the door and they sat down. “Okay, Harm...tell me what you are thinking.”
“Mac...I can’t believe I’m going to say this...”
“What?”
“I cannot think of one reason I need to be involved with this operation...other then as back up.”
“What do you mean?”
“Look, don’t take this wrong but I’ve had it pounded into my head this past year that I have to think things out more. I have Mattie to think about now and as you have reminded me on many occasions, you are a Marine and have been trained to handle yourself.”
“Go on.”
“You speak the language and have the look to blend in...I don’t...and at least this operation sounds like it is going to be on your home turf, more or less.”
Mac studied Harm for a minute. Ever since Christmas when she had delivered Mattie to him, they had been slowly regaining their friendship. “Are you telling me that you trust me to be able to take care of myself?”
“Mac, I’ve always trusted you to take care of me...however we have both had times when we have felt the need to rescue the other...right now I don’t feel you need me.”
Mac nodded. “I’d better wrap things up here and find out what my orders are.”
Harm nodded and stood to leave her office. He hesitated at the door and looked back at her. “Mac?”
“Yeah?”
“If you need me, call.”
“Sure Harm...say hi to Mattie for me.”
Harm nodded and smiled as he made his way back to his small office.
1930 Local
Georgetown
Mac’s Apartment
Mac restlessly paced by her window as she waited to hear from Langley. Last year she had left on her mission with Clay feeling optimistic and with a sense of adventure. Now she knew what Sadik was capable of. Clay’s screams still echoed in her head and woke her most every night. She hadn’t started sleeping until after Christmas when she felt that her friendship with Harm was healing.
She remembered the sound and sight of the missionaries being executed in front of her and the feeling of the straps that were attached to her wrists and ankles. She hadn’t felt their heat because Harm had come to the rescue. She knew in the back of her mind that he probably would be called in if things went bad...after all the Gunny was involved and Admiral Chegwidden lived by the creed that no man is left behind. But things had changed.
Harm had given up everything for her once and she had basically slapped him in the face because he couldn’t say the words she wanted to hear. Now he had Mattie to think about. Their friendship was healing, but he would not give it all up again for her. She had lost her chance with him because she had attempted to protect herself while letting him off the hook in case he was feeling obligated by any promises he had made to her...yet she still wanted him in her life.
The phone rang and she grabbed it up, “Mackenzie.”
“Kershaw. We’ll meet at 0700 tomorrow at my office. Wear civilian casual clothes. It shouldn’t take long to end this. We got a lucky break.”
“Yes sir. Will Webb be there?”
“Yes. Problem?”
“No sir.”
“Good.” The line went dead.
Sarah Mackenzie was suddenly filled with a restless energy. She paced, stood by the window and paced some more. She picked up the picture of her and Harm taken in Afghanistan. They were so close then. They could read each other. She had been so sure that they were in love and that he would admit it any day. Then had come Bud’s accident and Harm began to grow more distant. They had still comforted each other but as the weeks went by, they spent less time together. Mac tried to blame it on their stints on the bench but knew that it wasn’t really the cause of the distance. Then had come the first shock and evidence that maybe Harm no longer trusted her. He had conducted his own investigation of Singer behind her back. He had stopped sharing his thoughts on his cases with her. Then he had been arrested. She had been told that he did not want to see any of them at the brig. The admiral had also instructed all of them it would be better for Harm’s case if they did not interfere. Mac had stayed away.
While Mac was away from Harm she had begun to examine their relationship. She had decided that Harm was pulling away from her to protect himself and to keep their relationship platonic. She thought about the times that he had expressed interest in her. He had come the closest to opening up to her when one or the other of them was involved with someone else.
She remember that night when she left for Paraguay. She had gone to check on him before she left. He had seemed so lonely and yet even though he knew she had to leave on a mission, he asked her not to go. She felt that it was more because he didn’t think she could handle things without him. When he had rescued her she was in such a vulnerable position and for once wanted to be held and comforted, but Harm had finally heard her pleas that she was a Marine and didn’t need to be coddled. He was all business. She had needed him, but he didn’t need her. Today he had told her that she didn’t need him.
“Fine...I don’t need him...I can do this without him.” Mac continued to pace restlessly as she ignored the tears rolling down her cheeks. When she became aware of them she tried scrubbing them away with the back of her hand. She was wavering between anger, despair and fear when she grabbed her coat, purse and keys and headed out the door.
2045 Local
Harm’s Loft
North of Union Station
“Harm, can you check this last math problem for me?” Mattie asked from the table as Harm read files at his desk.
“Sure,” he stuck his pen between his teeth again as he stood and went to look over Mattie’s work.
“Excellent. Mattie you’ve done a great job getting caught up on all this math. I know it’s not easy but I am proud of you.”
“Thanks Harm.” Mattie looked up at him and leaned into him as he hugged her.
A knock on the door drew his attention and he looked out to see Mac standing on the other side. Yanking the door open he drew her in, “Mac, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing...everything...can we talk?” Mac was still agitated and Harm couldn’t really tell what was going on with her.
“Sure. Mattie?”
“Hey Mac...sorry I can’t stay. I’ve got to go work on my report now my math is done. Night Harm.”
“Night Mattie...” as she turned at the door he mouthed, ‘Thank you.” She nodded her understanding and shut the door.
“That’s a switch.” Mac snapped when they were alone.
“What is?”
“That I’m going to come first over someone else...”
“Mac, what’s going on here?”
Harm studied her face as best as he could while she paced and stormed around his apartment. “You don’t have a clue what I need do you?” Mac practically snarled at him. Almost as soon as she said it, she realized how it sounded and burst into tears.
Harm rushed to her side and tried to lift her chin to look at her. Instead, Mac burrowed against him and wrapped her arms around his waist. He rested his face on her hair and held her loosely in his arms, rubbing her back and arms in an attempt to comfort her.
As her tears slowed and sobs lessened, Harm tried again to look into her face. “Talk to me Mac. What’s going on?” She hid her face against his chest and held on to him. Harm was getting alarmed. This was not the self assured Marine he saw at JAG today. Carefully he eased her over to the couch and held her to his side.
Slowly he could feel her letting go of him. She sat up and wiped at her eyes. He handed her a handkerchief which she used. She kept her gaze focused on the floor. He tried again.
“Mac? Can you tell me what’s wrong?”
She shrugged. Harm knew he had to do something soon or she would retreat into her shell and suddenly everything would be okay and she’d brush it off claiming it was just a brief lapse. Harm suspected it was much more...much more.
“You know Mac, I didn’t go through even half of what you faced in Paraguay, and I have no desire to face Sadik again...as much as I want him gone. It would be only natural if you were feeling - apprehensive about going face to face with him again.” He waited and still nothing. She was listening and relaxed. “Mac, did you ever get debriefing counseling after Paraguay?”
She shook her head, “I spoke to someone at Langley. They said I was handling things like a pro and signed my papers to return to duty at JAG. What about you?”
“Oh yeah. Before I signed on with them, they required me to undergo some intensive sessions. As much as I hate to admit it, it did help. Mac, what started this?”
“ I don’t know...yes I do. You said today that I don’t need you...” her voice was barely audible by the time she got the words out.
“Do you?”
“Yes.”
“What do you need me to do?”
Mac shrugged and sat gazing at the floor for another thirty seconds before she stood up. She started toward the door before Harm realized that she was trying to leave.
“Mac, wait!” He caught up to her and stepped between her and the door. “Don’t leave yet. Tell me what you need...please?”
“I can’t Harm...we don’t have the kind of relationship where I can ask you any more.”
“Try me...”
“No!”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want you to feel sorry for me!”
“Mac, I don’t feel sorry for you. I am confused and I want to help...but I need you to tell me how to help. I don’t want to do something that makes it worse.”
“For an officer you have to be told a lot. Don’t they train Naval Officers to think as part of their leadership training?” The sarcasm was so heavy that it almost dripped from the air where Mac spoke.
“Mac, talk to me.” Harm watched her deflate with his words.
“If I call you...would you still come to help me?” Mac sounded so lost as she squeezed the words out of her tight throat.
“Yes. Mac, do you want out of this operation?”
“No! I want to do this...I just need...”
“What, Mac? What do you need?”
“I need to know that I’m still important to you. I need to know that I didn’t kill our friendship. I need to know that if I need you, you’ll be there for me.”
Harm watched her and her pain stabbed his heart. All the months of trying to forget about her after she had said ‘never’ had not worked. At this moment, through all her pain, her words gave him the most hope he had felt in months. Quietly he pulled her into his arms and held her loosely. He didn’t want her to feel forced or trapped, but comforted.
“Mac, I will always be here if you need me...all you have to do is let me know. You are very important to me. That’s why I couldn’t return your calls...I needed to keep my distance to give myself time to heal.”
“I hurt you...I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that I didn’t want your friendship.”
“I know Mac, but my feelings were so raw and everything I did seemed to back fire on me. I’m sorry.”
“I never said thank you did I?”
“Not important.”
“Yes, Harm, it is. You know I’ve tried to be strong. You being gone from JAG effected all of us.”
“Bud said that you kept everyone going.”
“Someone had to. The admiral was crankier then I’ve ever seen him. Jen was in tears all the time because she was worried about you and she couldn’t please the Admiral. Harriet was struggling with her pregnancy. Bud was lost without you and Sturgis was on his case. I had to be strong for all of them.”
“Do you remember what I told you when you tried to control stress up in the mountains that time?”
“That it’s going to come out somehow sometime?”
Harm nodded his head.
“Do you think that’s what’s happening to me now?”
“Maybe...Mac you said yourself you were under a lot of stress at JAG. The Imes situation didn’t help. I’m guessing things with Clay haven’t been going quite as you had hoped. Some of the cases we’ve had- and my mouth- opened up old wounds.”
“Harm, I’ve gone out with Webb, yes, but I’ve never trusted him enough for the relationship to go beyond a few dates. We’ve stayed in touch to deal with this Sadik case...not out of a grand love affair or anything.”
“So you’re telling me I was jealous for nothing?”
“You admitting you were jealous?”
“Yes.”
“I’ve tried to tell you several times, Harm, that there was no need to be jealous.”
“Yes...and you also said there could never be an us...”
“Maybe I was wrong.”
“Whoa, Marine, I like what I’m hearing but I think we are getting sidetracked from what brought you here to me tonight.”
“Not really...Well maybe...Harm?”
“Yes Mac...”
“I don’t want anyone to know about my melt down tonight.”
“They don’t have to...Mattie’s the only one-other then us- that knows and she won’t say anything...but she’ll ask if you are okay.”
Mac nodded. She looked down and then up into Harm’s face. “I know I am probably asking a lot, given that we’ve been so far apart since last spring, but, can I stay here tonight?”
“Yes, of course.”
“I have to be at Langley at 0700 tomorrow in casual civilian attire...”
“Okay.”
“Can I borrow a t-shirt or something to sleep in?”
“Navy issue?”
“Any other choices?”
Harm smiled and took the steps into his bedroom two at a time, returning with a tan t-shirt with white lettering on it. “This better?”
“Thanks...Harm?”
“Yes, Mac.”
“Would you hold me again for a few minutes?”
“Tell you what. Go get ready and crawl into my bed. I’ll be up in a few minutes. I need to let Mattie know that you are okay.”
Mac nodded.
She washed up and changed. Wearing the t-shirt that came to her knees, she crawled under the covers. She closed her eyes and just let her senses take in the smell of Harm on his pillow and listened to him as he returned and rummaged in the bureau drawers before going into the bathroom. He came out quietly afraid to awaken her. Mac turned slightly and smiled at him.
“Thought you had fallen asleep.”
“No...I hope I can sleep. I’m going to need my wits about me in order to pull this off tomorrow.”
Harm reclined on top of the covers in his sweat pants and t-shirt before reaching for her. “If it helps, I’ll stand watch and you can sleep.”
Mac rolled toward him and put her head on his shoulder. She slid her arm around his waist. “Harm, you are going to get cold...get under the covers.”
“You sure...”
“Harm, your loft is always cold at night.”
“I have a feeling I’ll be warm enough tonight,” Harm muttered under his breath as he got up and slid in under the covers and felt her warm body curl up against him.
Chapter 2
0615 Local
Harm’s Apartment
North of Union Station
Harm sat up in bed startled, looking around for the source of the sound he had heard. He shook off the sleepiness and got out of bed. Crossing the loft to look out the window he saw the red corvette pulling away. Mac. She had been here last night. Slept in his arms last night. Now he knew that it was the loft door shutting that had woken him out of a sound sleep. He flipped on the switch for the coffee and headed back to take a shower.
He couldn’t get Mac out of his head this morning. She had appear suddenly last night in an obviously agitated state and had fluctuated from angry women to stoic Marine to fearful friend with no warning as to the changes in her mood.
Harm wasn’t sure if he was glad she had trusted him enough to come or not. On one hand it was a good sign that she was having second thoughts about whether or not they could have a future together - which at least gave him a shred of hope. Then the fact that she was still angry and upset warned him that he had to be very careful and thinking things out completely before she asked questions so he would prepared with answers. Hesitation was not their friend. Harm knew that if there was any chance to salvage their relationship - be it friendship or anything more - he would have to be prepared.
After showering, shaving and dressing while he sipped his first cup of coffee, he was ready for something to eat. Weekends he fixed a big breakfast for Mattie and him to share, but during the week he settled for a protein drink or a muffin and his coffee. This morning he grabbed an oatmeal-apple muffin to eat on the road. He wanted to get to JAG and check in with Admiral Chegwidden.
0745 Local
JAG HQ
Falls Church, Virginia
“Morning Jen.”
“Morning Commander.”
“What time are you expecting the Admiral this morning?”
“Anytime, sir.”
“Does he have time on his schedule for me?”
“I’ll let him know you are waiting to see him.”
“Thanks Petty Officer Coates.”
Harm went to his office and began opening up his brief case and sorting files. Some of them were ready to be processed, while some still needed work. He had them ready for distribution when Coates buzzed him.
“The Admiral will see you now Commander Rabb.”
“Thanks, Coates.” Harm disconnected and quickly strode through the bullpen toward the Admiral’s office. Coates motioned him to go ahead. Harm knocked on the door casing.
“Enter. What can I do for you this morning, Commander?”
“Sir, do you have any more information on Colonel Mackenzie’s mission then you had yesterday when we talked?”
“Not really. Kershaw wanted to meet with his team at 0700 this morning and they were going to review some possible plans that would work given the intelligence they received. They were hoping to put the plan in action and have things resolved during the day to day. Why do you ask?”
“Last night Colonel Mackenzie came to see me. She wanted me to assure her that I would come if she needed me. I tried to reassure her that she wouldn’t need, me, but I also said if she called I’d come. Admiral, I am not at liberty to share the entire conversation with you, but I feel you should know that Mac is on edge and struggling to keep it together.”
“Colonel Mackenzie has handled the pressure from Paraguay easily and kept things running in this office while everyone around her - including you - fell apart and went off the deep end. What makes you think she is suddenly falling apart.”
“Sir, I’ve heard the scuttlebutt from when I was gone, about Mac and Sturgis getting into it; that she had even challenged you; she made mistakes that Mac just doesn’t make. Her behavior has been erratic at times - from very tough and ridged to altruistic and amenable. When have you seen Mac in tears?”
“Alright Rabb, I’ll admit that some of the things you are saying could be a sign that Mac has been keeping it together and is now coming unraveled. What do you think we should do about it?”
“Part of me wants to watch and wait and just be there when it happens and part of me wants to force the issue and get her to get some help. I don’t think we can do anything yet, sir, but I want you to know I am concerned and I will do what ever I can to help her through this. I think you know that my personal feelings are wrapped pretty closely with my professional feelings so I feel it is best that I defer to your judgement in this case.”
“Rabb, if I didn’t know better I’d say you sound like you’ve learned to look at the big picture.”
“I am trying sir.”
“That I do not doubt. Commander, I agree that we can’t take action unless we see something specific. I may have you share some of her Chief of Staff duties again, but we will have to approach this carefully...” the phone rang on AJ’s desk. “Excuse me...Chegwidden.”
“Admiral, there’s a Deputy Kershaw on line two for you.”
“Thank you Coates.” AJ pushed the button and exchanged glances with Harm at the same time. “What you got Kershaw?”
“It’s over.”
“Already?”
“Colonel Mackenzie is quite the cool customer. I may try to steal her away from you, Admiral.”
“She belongs at JAG. Where is she now?”
“Sarah Mackenzie is being debriefed.”
“Tell me about the mission.”
“Can’t do that...”
“Yeah, I know - classified. Tell me this, was she in a fire fight or was it sniper work?”
“Admiral, I’m not at liberty to discuss this with you...what’s that?...Just a minute Admiral, Agent Webb feels that there are a few things you should know...I’ll let him to talk to you.”
“Webb?”
“Great day, Admiral. You alone or is Rabb with you?”
“Commander Rabb is here. Fill us in Webb.”
“We found Sadik at the coffee house he has been frequenting here in the city. He spotted Mac before she spotted him and he took a shot at her and missed. She then took off leading him out of the coffee shop and into an alley as we had planned. He followed her as we had hoped, but our marksman wasn’t ready. She hid in a warehouse but Sadik came after her. He stalked her and twice he got a hold of her and twice she got away. She had lost her bag and gun during the first encounter, but somehow she found it and was ready for him when he grabbed her the third time. She shot him herself at close range. He’s dead. She’s a mess. That’s all I can tell you. We are debriefing her now. She should be able to get home, cleaned up and back to JAG by noon.”
“Webb, what aren’t you telling us?”
“There’s nothing else to tell. Hey Rabb, you didn’t even have to rescue her this time.”
“So help me Webb, there’s more then physical pain that can be inflicted on a person. You had best stay clear of me if Mac suffers any side effect from this mission. You got that?”
“Sure Rabb. Talk to you later, Admiral. We may want to borrow Sarah again.”
“Don’t bother, Webb. My people are off the table for special Ops.” AJ disconnected the call and sat back and studied the Commander across from his desk. “Spill it Rabb.”
“Do you think she’ll come back here this afternoon, sir?”
“If they’ve told her that I’m expecting her back here today she will...and before you go there I’m not sure she should work, but I damn sure don’t think she should be alone.”
“Thank you sir. I guess we have to wait and see what Mac’s next move will be.”
They didn’t have long to wait.
1038 Local
JAG HQ
Falls Church, Virginia
Lt. Colonel Sarah Mackenzie had arrived at Langley that morning earlier then requested. She had spoken to Webb before the meeting so when they met with Kershaw their plan was already in place - so she thought. As usual Webb had screwed up some part of the mission. This time his sniper was running late and hadn’t been in place. As usual the Marines had to step in. This time it had been her single handedly. After a lengthy chase, she had maneuvered herself into position so that she had the shot. One shot - one kill. Now Sadik was dead. He would not kill any more missionaries or torture any more agents. She had watched the light go out in his eyes with the cool dispassion of a seasoned soldier. Although she would not acknowledge it to herself, but only a soldier that had lost their edge experienced the dispassionate reaction which Mac had described.
After a short meeting with the counselor, Mac was again cleared for duty and papers were signed for her to return immediately to JAG. Kershaw told her that Chegwidden had spoken to him and would look for her at JAG after she had a chance to clean up and get back in uniform. Kershaw commended for her work on the mission and wished her well. Webb had walked her out to her car. Mac had driven away and headed for a shower and uniform.
Mac felt like she was in a groove. She was on a high of sorts. She had accomplished a mission and had not needed Harmon Rabb there to bail her out...in fact she had bailed Webb out herself. It showed how weak and effective he really was and she had a sense of satisfaction that she had decided to keep their relationship strictly business. At least Harm was worthy of her respect given the things he had done in his career. It made it easier to overlook some of the less then stellar performances he had turned in - like shooting the ceiling in the courtroom or resigning his commission to rescue her when it had been Webb that really needed rescuing. The successful mission continued to create a sense of euphoria within Mac.
Showered and dressed in her well creased uniform, Lt. Colonel Sarah Mackenzie returned to JAG prepared to receive accolades from her colleagues. Parking in her usual spot she entered JAG. The guards saluted but they wouldn’t say anything as the mission was at least partially classified. Harm and the Admiral, Sturgis and Bud, even Harriet and Coates, would all probably have an idea of what had happened. There was a bounce in her step as she exited the elevator into the bull pen. A few people looked up but for the most part everyone continued to do what they were doing.
Mac went into her office and dropped her things before heading to the Admiral’s office.
“Is the admiral waiting for me Coates?”
“No, Ma’am. I’ll let him know you are here though.”
“Thank you Petty Officer.” Mac waited smiling at Jen.
“Sir, Lt. Colonel Mackenzie is here to see you sir.”
“Send her in Coates.”
“Aye, aye, sir...You may go in Ma’am.”
Mac turned and entered the Admiral’s inner office.
“Have a seat Colonel. That was a quick successful mission I take it. You okay?”
“Yes sir. Why do you ask?”
“I understand that you had to take Sadik out yourself. That’s not an easy thing to do.”
“It had to be done and I was in a position to do it, sir.”
“Mac, I’ve done special ops myself. You’ll go through a period of euphoria from the adrenaline your body produces during times of fear and stress.”
“Begging your pardon sir, today’s mission was simple and after Paraguay almost a let down. I was able to deal with Paraguay so I see no reason why securing this last loose end would create any problems for me.”
“I see. Still, if you decide you need some lighter duty or some time off, you have some accumulated on the books. It’s yours if you want it.”
“Thank you sir, but I am fine and ready to get back to work.”
“Go ahead Colonel - Dismissed.” AJ watched his Chief of Staff leave his office and he picked up his phone to buzz Rabb.
“Rabb.”
“Commander, I have just met with Colonel Mackenzie. I think she is on an adrenaline high still. Are you working any cases with her?”
“We have the Hackett case we just picked up. I’ve been reviewing the files and there are several things I could go over with her.”
“Good. If you are right about Mac, then we could see a serious crash happening any time now. I don’t want her alone when it happens. Any ideas?”
“Admiral, I agree it could come any time or it could be days. I think it would be wise to be vigilant in the office and then maybe I can find a way to spend some time with her off duty. Perhaps we should let Bud and Harriet know we have concerns so they can be prepared in case she’s with them and so we don’t have to smother her.”
“Good idea. Will you fill them in?”
“Aye Aye sir...admiral?”
“Yes?”
“I hate to bring this up, but perhaps Meredith should know too. I know Mac use to spend some time with her.”
“You’re right...” AJ hesitated before speaking and then paused again.
“Admiral I can call her if you think it would be wise.”
“Thank you...please do...and Rabb...Keep me posted.”
“Yes Sir.” Harm disconnected from his CO and called Harriet at home. “Harriet?”
“Commander Rabb, how are you?”
“I’m fine Harriet. Is Bud home today?”
“Yes sir. Do you need to talk to him?”
“Actually I need to talk to both of you. Look, would you mind if I stop over after work today so I can fill you in. It concerns Mac.”
“Is the Colonel alright, sir?”
“Yes...I’m not sure...Look it’s hard to explain, but I think you need to be aware that she may not be handling the aftermath of Paraguay as well as we had thought.”
“Good...I thought it was just me.”
“What do you mean Harriet?”
“She just seems so - moody I guess. Sometimes she seems like herself and then again she goes after Commander Turner in the bullpen or tells Bud to ‘get over it’ and ‘move on’ and then sometimes she seems so angry yet five minutes later she is calm and sweet and concerned about everyone. The only time I’ve seen someone with mood swings like that was dealing with hormone storms during pregnancy...and I don’t think she’s pregnant.”
Harm had to stifle a laugh as he listened to Harriet’s take. Leave it to the Lt. Sims to cut to the chase. That woman had more intuition than was good for her. “Look Harriet, that’s what I wanted to talk about. Mac is swinging between anger, euphoria, fear and hurt. She’s trying to be strong for everyone and she needs to deal with it and stop stuffing things down and moving on. As long as you and Bud are aware of it, I don’t need to bother you and come over after work today, but if you could make sure Bud knows that we need to watch, wait and be prepared. If she falls apart call me or the Admiral. I think we are the only ones that are going to be able to get her to deal with it.”
“Sure thing Commander. How about we invite her over for dinner tonight?”
“That would help. I’m going to try to stay nearby today. I’m also going to clue Meredith in.”
“You do know that she and the Admiral are through.”
“Yes, but Mac knew Meredith even before that.” Harm ended the call with Harriet and then contacted a subdued Meredith. She listened to Harm; told him she doubted that she would hear from Sarah but if she did she would be watchful and let him know if there was a problem.
Harm then gathered the file on the Hackett case and proceeded to Mac’s office. It would be the first time they had seen each other since she had slept in his arms.
<Knock-knock>
“Yes?” Mac looked up to see Harm standing in her doorway.
“Hey, Mac. Have you looked at the Hackett case yet?”
“No...I just got in the office less then thirty minutes ago. What’s the rush?”
“There are a few things that don’t make sense to me and thought you might have a better perspective on them.”
“Why, because I’m a woman?” Mac’s voice was laced with sarcasm.
“Partially, but Hackett is a Marine and so are you. You’ve served at the base where Hackett was stationed.”
“Look we just got the case and I have a few other things I really need to get a handle on. Can we do this later?”
“Sure, Mac. Later today or later this week?”
“Excuse me Commander, but where does it say that you are the only one with the right to table a discussion?” Mac looked at Harm with fire in her eyes.
“Mac, what are you talking about? Power down and tell me when you want to review the case. If now isn’t good for you, we’ll do it when it is a good time.”
“Fine. Come over to my place tonight at 1900 and we’ll go over it. Just don’t start being condescending to me.” Mac was still angry but seemed to be calming down.
Harm raised his hands in front of him, picked up the file and backed out of her office. Mac followed him and slammed the door behind him when he turned to walk away. She kept her back to the door as she stood looking out the window while she waited for her tears to stop.
She couldn’t keep doing this. Harm managed to drive her to tears faster then anyone she knew. Last night she had gone to him to give him a piece of her mind and had ended up in tears like a big baby and then she had become so weak that she had allowed herself to sleep in his bed and in his arms. When she had woken up this morning she had been mortified to find herself wrapped in his arms. She had slipped out of bed, dressed and left his apartment thankful that he had not been awake and gloating about her moment of weakness.
1859 Local
Mac’s Apartment
Georgetown
Harm knocked on the door with a minute to spare. He wasn’t sure what to expect from Mac tonight. In the last twenty four hours he had seen her angry, scared, vulnerable, in full command, and tearful. He took a deep breath and waited for her to open the door. He didn’t have long to wait.
“Come in Harm. You’ll need to bring me up to speed on the Hackett case as I haven’t had a chance to review it.”
“Busy afternoon?”
“You tell me - after you left Harriet called to invite me to dinner tonight. I turned her down because of your need to review the case. Then Bud calls and asks if I can come over tomorrow night to spend some time with AJ as he seems to be missing me. Then Meredith called and asked if we could get together soon and suggested lunch tomorrow but I put her off until the next day. You wouldn’t have anything to do with this, would you?”
“Why would you think that Mac?”
“Oh come off it Harm! I have a bad moment which you are the only that supposedly knows about it, and suddenly we have a case that can’t wait, everyone I know is calling to ask me to spend time with them and I have a very full social calendar. I may have been born at night Rabb - but it wasn’t last night!”
“What you don’t think it could be coincidence?”
“You aren’t denying your part in it.”
“Why is it so terrible that you’re friends care about you?”
“My friends! Right...like we have had even civil conversations up until recently. So is this prompted by my moment of weakness last night or my new ‘hero’ status from today?”
“Hero status?”
“Oh right...my mission was classified...that’s probably why no one welcomed me with compliments and celebrated my marksmanship or ability to wrap up the Sadik situation. Tell me Harm, whenever you did something that was worthy of notice you were always welcomed back with applause and worshiped, so is that saved for you because you’re a man or because of your arrogance?”
“Mac, what’s really bothering you?”
“I told you not to patronize me!” Mac was practically screaming now. She approached Harm with her hands clenched into fists and raised in front of her with bent elbows.
Harm watched her get closer never losing eye contact. The closer she got the more solid he made his stance, holding his arms open to her just a little. He could see the tears glimmering in her eyes. Some instinct told him to stand his ground and let her come to him. When she was close enough she began to thump her fists against his chest. Still his body language welcomed her as he stood there with his chest exposed ready to take what she wanted to dish out. Her tears began to flow and the sobs started. She kept moving slowly toward Harm until her body was against his and there was no more room for her fists to flail against him. Carefully he enfolded her into his arms and held her.
Eventually he settled on the couch and pulled her against his side. He spoke little, letting his body sooth her and comfort the demons tearing her apart. Her sobs slowed until Harm decided to take a chance and talk to her.
“Talk to me Mac. Tell me what’s tearing you apart.”
“Nothing...everything...you!”
“Me? How am I tearing you apart?”
“You’re not...I am over you.”
“Mac, you aren’t making a lot of sense here.”
“I know. Harm did you call Bud and Harriet and Meredith and tell them I need to be entertained?”
“No. I did tell them that I thought you had been through a lot and might need them more then you let on.”
“Why?”
“We care about you Mac and I know how important it is to feel that you aren’t alone when your life is in a state of turmoil. If that’s being patronizing, I’m sorry.”
“You’ve done that a lot lately you know.”
“What’s that?”
“Apologize.”
“Well, I have a way of saying and doing things that don’t come out the way I meant them.”
“I know. I’ve been doing the same thing, Harm.”
“So, are you up to reviewing that case or shall we table it until we get to the office?”
“I guess it can wait until tomorrow. I don’t feel much like working tonight. I think I could sleep standing up.”
“Then we’ll wait. Go to bed Mac. Gets some rest. Remember, you can call me anytime if you need me for anything.”
“I know, but it seems foolish to call you when you are twenty minutes away. By the time I call and you get here the crisis would probably be over.”
“So do you want me to camp on your couch or do you want to come back to the loft with me?”
“Harm, I’m capable of sleeping in my own home alone. I don’t need a babysitter or a nanny or something.”
“Alright, “ Harm said as he held his hands up in front of him to signal her to stop, he had gotten her message. “Call me if you need to talk - any time.”
“Good-night Harm!”
“Good-night Mac.” Harm closed the door between them and started slowly down the hall. He hoped that she had released enough stress to get her through the night, but he was afraid that he was only seeing the tip of the iceberg and there was more to come - much more!
Chapter 3
0811 Local
JAG HQ
Falls Church, Virginia
Harm heard a noise behind him as he set his things down and tried to get settled for the day. He turned and saw Lt. Colonel Sarah Mackenzie leaning against his door way with a smile on her face. At first Harm felt relief because she seemed relaxed and was smiling, but within a second he had also noticed the redness in the whites of her eyes, the heavier then usual make-up that was covering dark smudged under her eyes and the slight shakiness in her body. When she spoke he heard the tightness in her voice as well and his heart broke - not at her words, but because she hadn’t been able to call him when she needed him. Still he waited for her to get to why she was here.
“Morning Harm. We never did get to the Hackett case last night so I thought we should probably tackle it this morning. I have reviewed it and I can see where my perspective would be useful to you. Shall we get started?”
“Sure, Mac. Would you mind if I grabbed a cup of coffee first?”
“I’ve got it covered, Harm. Jen will be bringing both of us a cup. I stopped there first and the coffee wasn’t ready. It should be soon and Coates will deliver.”
“Fine. Then let’s get started,” Harm went into a summary of the case for Mac.
“Hackett was a marine officer working with the military police stationed in Japan. He had been stationed there for two years and before getting orders to Quantico. He had been at Quantico for two months when a routine case review at the base in Japan uncovered some strange patterns. Several women that were working at the base began to resign or request transfers within weeks of being on an assignment with Hackett.”
<knock><knock>
“Excuse me, sir, Ma’am, I have your coffee.”
“Thank you Coates,” Mac smiled at the petty officer as she set the cups down for them. “Dismissed.”
“Aye, aye, Ma’am.” Coates left quietly closing the door behind her.
Harm continued.
“When Hackett had been approached about it, he said that he remembered all of the women in question and the assignments. He was often chosen for undercover work due to his Japanese heritage and knowledge of the language. They would use either local or military women as his partners when it was needed that also were bilingual and if possible of Japanese heritage.
When the five women were interviewed they had appeared nervous and tense. Each one had a slightly different story but the common thread had been that after working the assignment with Lt. Joel Hackett, they had wanted a change. There were no specific accusations toward Hackett. The notes from each of the investigative interviews had included a statement that while it looked suspicious, there was no evidence of foul play or wrong doing that led to these women asking for a reassignment or quitting.
This information was forwarded to JAG two months later when two women working with Hackett at Quantico resigned. Someone had been aware of the investigation in Japan and got concerned. JAG was called in to investigate the most recent incidents. What do you make of it?”
“I don’t get why the investigation if they have nothing showing foul play, just some unfounded suspicions.”
“I guess that’s what is making them suspicious and why they want us to check it out. I’ve spoken to Lt. Hackett on the phone and he is aware that we have been called in. He is willing to make himself available. He said when he heard about it he thought it odd and he’s pulled case notes from his personal files to share with us to see if there is anything there that might give us a clue.”
“Sounds like he’s willing to work with us, so maybe he hasn’t done anything wrong. Is he coming to us or are we going to him?” Asked Mac.
“I’d like to go there. Mac, what can you tell me about the base in Japan or Quantico that might shed some light on this situation?”
“You mean like the culture there?”
“Yeah. Maybe. I’m not sure but I have this feeling that Lt. Hackett may be as much a victim here as the women.”
“Harm we don’t know yet if we even have a victim.”
“I know. Look, what’s good for you to go to Quantico?”
“I can probably be ready in a couple of hours.”
“I’ll get Coates to sign a car out to us and we can grab lunch on the way.”
Mac nodded and left Harm’s office. He was relieved to see her focused despite looking tired this morning. He hoped she might fall asleep on the ride while he drove. He knew he was walking a tightrope trying to keep her healthy and letting her work things out.
They had settled on wraps for lunch. The ride had been uneventful. Mac had not slept as he had hoped but she had been quiet so he hoped she had rested. He glanced at her periodically while driving and she always seemed many miles away. He felt that Mac was beginning to trust him again, but there was something in the way of that bond being made solid again. At times he thought it was Webb, but she had assured him that there was nothing between them...that she didn’t trust Webb anymore. In his gut he felt that she was suffering Post traumatic Stress that had been trigger again with Sadik’s sudden appearance and then death at her hand.
Mac was all business when they arrived at Quantico. She strolled in with Harm behind her and asked to speak to Lt. Joel Hackett. They were brought to an office one floor up and down a hallway.
“Commander Rabb? Colonel Mackenzie? I’m Lt. Joel Hackett.”
Mac looked into the face of one of the most beautiful Amer-Asian men she had ever seen. His photos did not do him justice. Mac gave him a dazzling smile as she shook hands with the young Lieutenant.
“Hello Lieutenant. Thank you for seeing us on such short notice.”
“No problem. Have a seat. What do you want me to tell you?”
“What was your relationship like with these women,” Harm asked trying not to stare at Mac as she flashed her dazzling smile toward Lt. Hackett.
“Pleasant, friendly, focused on the task at hand.”
“Did you have a different kind of relationship with any of them?”
“Like what sir?”
“Were you dating any of them? Or did you want to date any of them?”
“Yes...one of them I asked out, but it was before we started to work together. As soon as I realized that we were assigned together, I made sure not to ask her out again or let her think I wanted to go again.”
“Ahhhh,” Mac muttered. “A scorned woman...” she started with raised eyebrows at Harm.
“I don’t think so Ma’am. We worked together for several months. We had been undercover, posing as husband and wife to infiltrate a black market baby scam. It was a rough assignment and she told me while we were in the middle of it that she didn’t think she could take many more cases as intense as that one and that she was going to look to get out.” Hackett explained.
“...Force of nature. He doesn’t even see that its so much more for her then it was for him,” Mac muttered under her breath.
“What was that Colonel?” asked Harm not realizing that he had just released the thread that had been keeping things together for Sarah Mackenzie. Although the storm would not reached its full potential what would become Hurricane Mackenzie just began to form.
“Great as if I needed more proof on how oblivious men are. Commander Rabb, I think I’ve heard all I need to hear.”
“Well I have a few more questions for the Lieutenant, if you don’t mind,” he added looking back and forth at Hackett and Mackenzie.
“Go ahead, sir. I would love to understand what’s going on myself. It’s tough to carry around a cloud of suspicion everywhere you go.”
Mac rolled her eyes but motion for Harm to continue.
“Did any of these other women ever give you the idea that they wanted something more from you then friendship?”
“No sir.”
“Wouldn’t have noticed if they had probably,” Mac muttered. Harm shot her a look that clearly indicated he didn’t think her comment was called for but forged ahead.
“Were you aware if any of these women were dating someone while they worked with you that might have put pressure on them to quit.”
“Why would they do that sir?”
“Just an idea...is there anyone that you can think of that would fit that description?”
“No sir.”
Again Mac rolled her eyes and muttered something under her breath that Harm didn’t quite catch, but it obviously showed her disgust with Hackett’s response.
“Colonel Mackenzie, perhaps you would like to see if you could find a phone and see if you can get a hold of the women in this area that have worked with Lt. Hackett and see if we can meet with them while we are down here...also maybe talk to some of the women that are still here. I’ll meet you out front in a few minutes.”
“Is that an order, Commander?” Mac practically snarled at Harm.
“No, Colonel, it’s just a suggestion. You seemed to be done with questions here and I thought you would rather move ahead with this investigation then sit around cooling your heels. Do what you want.”
“Fine. I’ll go talk to some of the women currently working here. Take good notes.”
Harm watched with a puzzled frown as Mac left.
“The Colonel seems to be upset, sir.”
“Yes...she’s been through a lot lately, but usually when we are working and she’s focused she’s fine. I apologize for my partners rudeness.”
“No problem sir. Sometimes women can be a little touchy.”
“How’s that Lieutenant?”
“Well you know sir, they deal with a lot more in day to day life then a man. You just have to go with the flow and not take things personally.”
“And how did you learn this,” Harm asked as he tried to hide a smile glad that one Lt. Colonel hadn’t heard that comment.
“Well sir, I grew up in a house with seven sisters, my mother, two aunts and my grandmother. I learned early on that there were some things you just ignored and didn’t worry about.”
“Very interesting information. I guess being an only child I missed some of those life’s lessons. Tell me Lt. Hackett, did you ever share these theories with any of your partners?”
“Oh no sir. It wouldn’t be appropriate to discuss things like that with them. It’s just something I was taught I guess. I can remember my mother and grandmother saying, if you expect to survive you’ll learn when to use your manners, when to go with the flow and how to treat a lady.”
“Thank you Lt. Hackett. I appreciate your candor and we’ll let you know if we need to see you again.”
“Sir?” he paused and waited for Harm to signal him to continue. “Will you let me know what you find out?”
“Most definitely,” Harm made a few more notes on his paper, then stood up to leave. This new information was interesting and his gut told him that it revealed something important. He wasn’t exactly sure what it was, but he thought maybe Mac could figure it out. He was still puzzled at the sudden about face she had made. She had started smiling and almost flirting with the young Lieutenant and then suddenly became angry with both of them from what he could tell. It wasn’t a good sign that Mac wasn’t acting professional. That was usually a safe bet. He vowed to himself to be extra diligent in case the melt down was coming for real. He couldn’t know how accurate his fear was or how soon the reality would hit or how long it would last.
Harm found Mac talking with a few women in the break room, “...let me know,” he heard her say. She seemed relaxed and in control again. Mac spotted him as he entered the room and turned toward the three women she was talking to.
“This is my partner, Commander Harmon Rabb....” she stopped as she realized that all three women had turned their attention to Harm, flashing him their best smiles. One woman Mac could have sworn was licking her lips.
“Good afternoon.” Harm smiled then turned to Mac again. “I’ll let you finish up here. I’ll meet you by the car when you are done.”
“Oh I’m done here. I’ve seen what I need to see and heard what I need to hear and then some. Let’s go.” Mac grabbed her things and Harm’s arm as she passed and practically pulled him into the elevator. When the door shut she turned on him.
“So are you going to get her phone number so you can call her up later?”
“Mac, what are you talking about?”
“That woman...the blonde that was trying to stake her claim...”
“Mac, no one was staking a claim, and I have no intention of contacting any of them unless you uncovered some information that we need for the case which requires follow up. I don’t even know their names.”
“So now it’s my fault you didn’t get her number?”
“Mac what is it with you?”
“You can’t honestly tell me that you didn’t notice that blonde in there undressing you with her eyes and inviting you to her place!” The elevator doors opened and they both were quiet as they left the building and walked to their car.
“Whoa! Mac, I didn’t see or hear anything of the kind from anyone in there. Besides I’m not looking for anyone to add to my life right now...and nothing about those women caught my interest.”
“What does catch your interest? Teenagers?”
“Where is this coming from Mac?” Harm was trying to keep his anger under control, but the thought that Mac of all people would make that kind of accusation made his blood boil.
“Curiosity. Has there been anyone if your life since the video princess left - what two and a half years ago?”
“Well I tried but those hopes got dashed in Paraguay...look Mac, I don’t want to go there. We’ve gotten over the worse of that mess, as far as our friendship is concerned and I really don’t want to damage it again. We need to focus on the case.”
“Can’t you see it Harm? This case is going to open up those wounds from Paraguay.”
“No I don’t see it Mac...explain it to me.”
“You wanted an instruction manual for me...this is about the instruction manual for women in general.”
Harm nodded. “Then you’ll be interested in what Hackett told me after you left.”
“ I doubt it. He’s as clueless as you are.”
“Mac, what are you talking about,” Harm glanced at his watch, a new habit since he had become responsible for a teenager.
“Never mind. Let’s get going. You must have dinner to cook and homework to oversee this evening.”
“I do, but we need to talk about this case as well, why don’t you join us. Mattie would love to see you.” Harm played the trump card knowing that Mac hated to miss a chance to spend with Mattie. Therefore, he was surprised when she turned down the offer.
“Can’t.”
“Oh.”
“It’s your fault.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You wanted Bud and Harriet to help keep tabs on me and I agreed to go to dinner tonight.”
“Oh,” Harm couldn’t keep the smile out of his voice. “Well look, why don’t you swing by after you leave their place. You can see Mattie and then we can review the notes we got today and plan our strategy for tomorrow.”
“Agreed.”
Harm tossed her a smile and turned back to driving. Mac leaned back in her seat and tried to keep her roller coaster emotions in check. She had been fighting them all day and after a sleepless night it was getting harder and harder to keep it together. She did not want to give Harm any cause for concern. In some ways he read her to well. In others, he was so clueless. Mac closed her eyes and fought down the almost overwhelming desire to physically lash out in her frustration with Harm and the entire situation.
Mac decided to focus on her upcoming visit with Bud, Harriet, A. J. and Jimmy. After enjoying some family time with them, she would see Mattie. She had taken to the girl immediately and yet there was a small part of her that was almost jealous. Mattie’s life was so similar to Mac’s yet at the point when Harm arrived in Mattie’s life, there had been no one to rescue Mac. She was beyond that and no longer need someone to rescue her. She had rescued herself with Uncle Matt’s help and now she could take care of herself. The Marine Corps had trained her to do that and given her an opportunity to shine.
Harm glanced over at Mac as he drove. At first he thought she was asleep, but then when he had looked again he realized that she was deep in thought and those thoughts weren’t all pleasant. He said a silent prayer that she would be able to work things out and prevent the blow he feared.
1740 Local
JAG HQ
Falls Church, Virginia
They arrived at JAG HQ later then he had planned. Mac climbed out of the car and crawled into her Corvette. She had called, “See you later, Harm,” so he was fairly certain that she would be over after she left Bud and Harriet’s. Harm grabbed his cell phone and called the Italian restaurant on the corner near his home and ordered take out dinner. Mattie seemed to enjoy the food they got there and it was better then a pizza every time he was rushed.
Harm picked up his order and then hurried to his place north of Union Station. Mattie was waiting for him in his apartment. He was proud of the fact that she would walk away from the television or phone in the apartment she shared with Jen so she could focus on her homework. Most every evening she was waiting for him when he got there. When she wasn’t there he really missed her.
Tonight she caught a whiff of dinner as she took the bags from him. “Wow! Harm did you get that great eggplant parmesan for me?”
“Yes, and a salad and garlic bread.”
“What did you get?”
“How do you know I didn’t get the same thing?”
“Because you usually get something different so I can try new things.”
“Smart girl...it’s working isn’t it?”
“Yes...I like several of the things I’ve tried and I didn’t think I would. So what did you get?”
“I got Chicken Alfredo.” I thought maybe I could have a taste of you eggplant and you could try this.”
“Okay...hey, is Mac coming over?”
“Actually she might, but after dinner.”
“Oh...”
“It’s okay, she is having dinner at the Robert’s house tonight. She was planning to come over and see you after before you turn in and then we have a case and a plan of attack to come up with.”
“Are you two ever going to admit you want to spend time together and do it just because you want to and not because you supposedly have work to do?”
“I hope so Mattie. Right now we have some things to work out and then maybe we can do just that. Come on, let’s eat.”
Same Time
Robert’s House
Mac pulled up in front of Bud and Harriet’s. While one part of her was looking forward to seeing the kids, Mac knew that she would have to work hard not to let her increasing agitation show.
All the way back from Quantico she kept replaying the scene over in her head. The women had talked about how nice it was to find a good looking gentleman in their world. No one had complained about his behavior, other then being disappointed that he had made no effort to socialize with them despite their attempts to include him in after hour activities. He would always thank them and return to work they had said.
Mac had asked them if he ever spoke of a girlfriend or anyone. They had said they were not aware of him being involved with anyone, although one woman said she remember two calls from women. He had seemed surprised but pleased about the calls. He hadn’t said a thing and no one felt comfortable enough to ask.
Then Mac had asked the question that she had hoped no one ever asked her, “Do you know of anyone that has a thing for the Lieutenant?” All of the women had giggled, blushed and only one had spoke up.
“I was chasing him hot and heavy at first. Now I’m trying some more subtle tactics.”
“Find anything that works?” Mac had asked.
“Not yet.”
“I might want to try some new techniques myself so if you find something that works, let me know.” That’s when Harm had joined them and Mac watched as all three women turned to him. They immediately noticed how attractive her partner was. She could have sworn that Harm had focused in on the one blonde, but he had claimed he wasn’t interested when she had confronted him afterwards.
Realizing that she was still sitting in her car she got out and approached the front door of the Robert’s house. AJ swung the door open and wrapped his little arms around her legs almost toppling them onto the floor.
“Aunt Mac, you’re here!”
“Yes, AJ, I am...how have you been?”
“Good. Jimmy cries too loud sometimes and Mommy can’t take me places much anymore but I’m going to Preschool now.”
“You are? That’s wonderful. You are getting to be such a big boy. Are you being a good brother and helping Mom and Dad?”
“Yes. Where’s Uncle Harm? Did he come too?”
“Not tonight, AJ. He had to go home and help Mattie do homework.”
“Who’s Mattie?”
“Sorry, Mac...AJ, remember the girl that came over with Uncle Harm at Christmas?”
“Oh yeah! I like Mattie.”
“That’s because she was willing to run around outside with you and play board games,” Harriet laughed as she reached for Mac’s coat. “I’m so glad you could come over tonight. We haven’t had much time together this last year.”
“You’re right Harriet. It just seems like the past twelve months have been nothing but chaos and turmoil.”
“Well there have been a few good moments.” Harriet smiled.
“You’ll have to tell me about them, Harriet.”
“What about Harm finding you and getting you out of there? Or Harm being allowed to come back to JAG finally? And Sturgis finding Verese...and Jimmy’s happy and healthy, most of the time...” Harriet broke off as her youngest son began to holler. It wasn’t really a cry but almost.
“I guess you’re right Harriet; there have been some good things.”
“Come on in while I tend to Jimmy and then we can eat. AJ, go tell Daddy that Aunt Mac is here and we’ll be ready to eat soon...then wash your hands and take your seat.”
“Yes, Mom.”
Mac smiled as she watched Harriet issue orders and her young son obey them without question. “He’s a good boy, Harriet.”
“Most of the time. He has started challenging once in awhile and if I have a rough time with Jimmy then AJ tends to pull something so that he gets his share of our attention.”
“It must be hard to balance home and a military career Harriet.”
“Not really. I suppose if I was looking to make Captain and drive boats it would be harder. I have no problem serving part time right now with the boys little. As they get older I will probably spend more time with my career. Bud and I were so thankful that he was able to stay in and that he had skills he could use so he could serve his country even after losing his leg. If he ever decides to get out, he will be able to have a good career and support us. If he stays in he loves his job.”
“Sometimes I think that I put too much time into my career but without it I’m not sure who or what I would be.” Mac was unusually candid with Harriet.
“Maybe Mrs. Rabb?”
“I don’t think so, Harriet. Harm isn’t interested in that kind of relationship with me. I...”
“But you would like that kind of relationship with him, wouldn’t you?” Harriet prodded.
“Harriet...” Mac began feeling trapped by Harriet’s observations.
“I just don’t understand how two people that are so intelligent, so gifted with the use of language, can’t communicate the most basic needs and emotions to the one person that would understand.” Harriet laughed as she settled Jimmy into his seat and brought the food out to set onto the table. Mac pitched in to help. AJ climbed up into his chair and they heard Bud coming in to join them.
“Hi Ma’am...Mac.”
“Hello Bud.” Mac smiled as he caught himself and addressed her more informally. Thankfully it ended Harriet’s comments for the time.
They enjoyed a wonderful home cooked meal and Mac enjoyed doting on her godson. She helped Harriet do the dishes while Bud retreated to the den to read over some files and AJ played and Jimmy sat in his swing.
“Does Bud ever help with the cooking and cleaning Harriet?”
“Oh sure. Especially when he has a day off or during the weekends. If he doesn’t have a lot to do or if he knows I’ve had a rough day he pitches right in.”
“That’s good. I think you are pretty lucky, Harriet.”
“Mac, don’t you think that you and Harm would have a good thing going too, if you’d just talk to each other?”
“Harriet, please let’s not go there,” Mac pleaded. She was proud of the fact that she had kept it together this evening. She would be leaving soon and she wanted to get out before the pressure inside blew. She was gauging the time she had left here before she could escape, but this conversation was more then she could handle.
“Mac, Harm’s been over here to help me out sometimes. He is so sensitive and caring and pitched right in. He came over once and fixed dinner for Bud and I and kept AJ entertained just to surprise us. It was so nice of him and it was easy to see he wants that kind of life. He wants to have a wife and family. Why shouldn’t it be you?”
“Because he doesn’t have a clue, Harriet! He flirts all the time with every blonde he sees. I am not and never will be blonde, so I am not worthy of his time or interest. He is interested in me only when he thinks someone else is. If I show interest in him, he backs away. He’s about the chase and the image not the substance; he doesn’t want to stay around for anything but the flash.” By this time the tears were rolling down Mac’s face. She got up and ran to the other room to grab her coat and escape.
Harriet followed behind her trying to apologize for upsetting her. Mac just brushed her off and ran out of the house to her car. Harriet heard the tires squeal as Mac peeled away.
Harriet grabbed the phone and called Harm.
Chapter 4
1845 Local
North of Union Station
The phone rang and Harm reached for it as he watched Mattie do her math homework. “Rabb.”
“Commander, it’s Harriet. Mac just left her and I’m afraid I upset her. She peeled out when she left. I don’t think she should be driving and I don’t know what she’s doing or where she’s going.”
“Okay, calm down. Tell me what you were talking about when she got upset,” Harm instructed.
“Um, well we were talking about being married and having a good man and how Mac wants to have it...”
“Harriet, what aren’t you telling me?”
“I - ah - well...”
“Spill it Harriet. I won’t hold it against you.” Harm’s voice stayed calm and soothing as he spoke to Harriet.
“I told her that I thought the two of you belonged together and that I thought if you could just accept it then you would both be happier.”
“Oh Harriet...I know you mean well...”
“Sir, she brought up the topic and I just tried to point out that you would make a great husband.”
Harm smiled despite his worry about what this could potentially do to the friendship he had been working to reestablish with Mac. “It’s okay Harriet. I know you care about both of us and want us to be happy. I want the same thing, but I’m not sure Mac can handle this right now. Harriet, how did the topic come up?”
“Well we talked about how this last year we haven’t had much time to spend together. Then Mac said that there wasn’t any good about it and I said there were some good things- like you rescuing her in Paraguay and then finally being allowed back to JAG and Sturgis and Verese hooking up, and baby Jimmy...then she asked me if it was hard to balance a family and a military career.
“I said it was but I chose to go reserve so I could have more time with the children. That led to overall career aspirations. She said she thought sometimes she put too much time into her career but she was afraid that without it she wouldn’t know who she would be.”
“Okay Harriet, I get a feeling this is where my name came up.”
“I suggested that maybe she would be Mrs. Rabb...”
“Harriet...” Harm’s warm voice was tinge with dread and humor at the same time.
“She doesn’t think you are interested in that kind of relationship with her. Later on when we were doing dishes she asked if Bud helped around the house. I told her he did and that we’ve always shared household chores and we take turns with the kids. I then said that you seemed the type to share the responsibilities as well. I told her how you’ve come over to help out and you pitch right in cooking, cleaning, maintenance, and child care. I told her to think about how you’ve taken on Mattie and have her in your life. I said, ‘He wants to have a wife and family. Why shouldn’t it be you’?”
“Is that when she bolted?” Harm asked as he shut his eyes and swallowed hard.
“Not quite...she said something about you don’t have a clue and you flirt with every blonde you see...”
“What else?”
“She thinks you only want her when someone else shows interest; if she shows interest in you you back away...she thinks you are more interested in the chase and not in it for the long haul...that’s when she burst into tears and ran out of here.” Harriet’s voice tapered off to barely a whisper.
“Thank you for calling me and filling me in Harriet. She probably won’t come over here as we had planned, but at least I’ll know why and maybe I’ll be better prepared to handle the fall out.”
“Good night, Harm.”
Harm hung up the phone and sat staring into space.
“Harm?” Mattie tried for the third time to get his attention.
“Oh sorry, Mattie...I was lost in thoughts for a moment. You ready for me to check those?”
“Yeah...Harm is Mac okay?”
“I hope so, Honey, I hope so. She’s a little stressed out right now and she gets upset easily, but don’t take it personally if she’s sharp or sarcastic with you, okay?”
“Okay.”
Harm looked up at Mattie and smiled. “Great job! You must be almost caught up with your math now, right?”
“One more test...if I pass that then I can stop with double assignments. You’ve helped me so much, Harm. Thank you...” Mattie got up and came over to hug her guardian as he sat at the table next to her. She was standing there with her arm around his back, her head on his shoulder and his arm at her waist when they heard the door open.
They looked up to see Sarah Mackenzie storming in, hands on her hips and eyes blazing.
“Mac, what’s wrong?” Harm asked deciding not to let her know that Harriet had called. He felt Mattie pat his back as she stepped away to allow him to stand and approach Mac.
“What’s wrong?” she yelled. “You are the most clueless, arrogant, sorry excuse for a man I’ve seen in sometime,” Mac continued in her drill sergeant voice, laced with sarcasm and loathing.
“Mac, power down a minute. Mattie was just leaving. She doesn’t need to hear this.”
Mac paused and nodded to Mattie but did not speak to her. Mattie left when Harm reassured her it was fine and that he’d talked to her in the morning. Once the door was closed, Mac started again.
“Figures you’d be able to hug her...she’s a blonde.”
“Mac, that is uncalled for and what you are implying isn’t true and you know it. I won’t stand for you treating Mattie that way.”
Mac hung her head for a second. She knew it wasn’t fair to Mattie but she couldn’t seem to stop herself. “Right again, Harmon. Are you ever wrong?”