Title: Silence
Author: Hollyjp
Classification: Harm/Mac relationship building
Spoilers: Any thing and everything from Season 9 episodes and spoilers as well as episodes from past seasons.
Standard Disclaimer: JAG is the property of Bellisario Productions, CBS, and Paramount. I have borrowed their characters for entertainment purposes only. No monetary gain will result from their appearance in my story.
AN: On the Harmy Board there was a lengthy discussion about what possible reason there could be to explain the way things have unfolded as they have so far this year. Several people had great theories and some of them made their way into this fanfic. So, Harmy Ladies, thank you for your inspiration! I hope this story comes out worthy enough to dedicate it to you and your wonderful theories. Thank you!
Chapter 1
0723 Local
North of Union Station
“Mattie, I’m going down to start the car. Let’s go!” Harm called as he put on his cover and shifter his briefcase to his other hand. Harm shrugged in his coat bracing himself for the cold temperatures he knew he’s find outside. Pushing open the door, he used his keyless entry system to unlock the SUV. Tossing in his briefcase he slid behind the wheel and inserted the key into the ignition. Turning the key, nothing happened...no click...nothing.
“No! Not a dead battery...can’t be...” Harm sputtered as he got out of the vehicle and raised the hood. One of the cables on the battery looked loose, so he pushed it on, dropped the hood and slid into the SUV to try to start it again. The SUV’s ignition turning over was the last thing Harm heard before the blast and darkness.
Mattie was just stepping out of the elevator when she heard the explosion.
“Harm?” Mattie called as she opened the door. It was then she spotted him on the ground next to the SUV. “Harm! Oh God! No Harm...wake up!” Mattie was frantic as she reached her guardian and kneeled on the ground beside him. As she knelt over him, she rested one knee on the ground and felt something hard with her knee. As she reached to move it, she realized it was his cell phone. With it she called 911 and told them what had happened. They had her check for a pulse, which she felt in his neck, and then feel for air. She placed her face near his face and could feel his breath and see his chest moving. The operator on the line assured her these were all good signs.
“What’s your name?” the 911 operator asked.
“Mattie Grace. Harm’s my guardian.”
“Well, Mattie Grace, you’re doing good. Do you see any blood on him anywhere?”
“No...but his car is pretty messed up.”
“Aahh...do I hear the sirens?”
“Yeah, I think so...yes they just got here.”
“Okay, Mattie. They’ll take care of him from here.”
“Thank you.” Mattie said before disconnecting the call. The police and ambulance arrived at the same time. Again Mattie identified Harm and herself. The police officer made her stand to one side so they could work. Mattie looked at the cell phone in her hand. She scrolled the numbers and right there at the top of the list was Mac’s name. Mattie didn’t even hesitate. She pressed the button and waited for Mac to pick up.
“Colonel Mackenzie.”
“Mac, it’s Mattie...Harm’s been hurt.”
“What? How? Where is he?”
“He came out to start the car and I heard a boom and when I came out he was on the ground and unconscious. I don’t see any blood...”
“Mattie did you call 911?”
“Yes, they’re loading him into the ambulance now.”
“Where are they taking him?”
“Excuse me...where are you taking him?”
“Georgetown Medical Center.”
“I heard, Mattie. Tell them he’s navy and to take him to Bethesda.”
“He’s Navy and needs to go to Bethesda.”
“Okay...we’ll call it in. You coming?”
“Mac, should I go with them?”
“Yes. I’ll see you there.”
“Mac?”
“Yes?”
“Hurry...I’m scared.”
“He’ll be okay Mattie. We’ll get him through this.”
Mattie climbed into the ambulance with Harm. She couldn’t take her eyes off of him all the way to Bethesda.
Same Time
Interstate
Mac changed directions and called into JAG HQ.
“Coates, this is Colonel Mackenzie. I need to speak to the Admiral ASAP.”
“He’s not in a very good mood, Ma’am.”
“I don’t care Coates. This is an emergency. Put me through to him.”
“Aye, Aye, Ma’am.”
“Chegwidden.”
“Admiral, Commander Rabb has been injured and is on his way to Bethesda by ambulance. Mattie is with him and I’m en route to meet them there.”
“What in hell happened, Colonel?”
“It sounds like there may have been some tampering done to his car to cause it to explode - maybe the battery. Mattie said she couldn’t see any blood but he was unconscious and on the ground when she found him.”
“Alright Colonel. I’ll call Kershaw and Webb and let them know you’ve been detained.”
“Thank you Admiral.”
“Mac?”
“Yes sir?”
“Keep me informed.”
“Yes sir!”
0815 Local
Bethesda Medical Center
Emergency Entrance
Mattie watched as they wheeled Harm into an examination booth and a nurse directed her to a waiting area. Mattie tried to sit, but couldn’t stay still. She paced from one side of the waiting area to the other. When she saw Colonel Mackenzie coming toward her she ran to meet her and accepted the hug from Mac.
“Where is he?”
“They took him in to one of the exam rooms and they won’t tell me anything.”
“Wait here and I’ll see what I can find out.”
Mac approached the desk. “Excuse me, I’m here for Harmon Rabb. They brought him in a few minutes ago. May I see him?”
“I’m sorry Ma’am. Commander Rabb can’t have visitors right now as the doctor is trying to assess his injuries. The doctor will look for you in the waiting area, when he’s done.”
Mac wasn’t happy with the answer they gave her, but knew better then to push the staff. She returned to Mattie and sat with her on the couch. She wasn’t sure if she kept one arm around the teenager to comfort Mattie or herself.
As time slipped by, Mac was growing more concerned. She tried to hide it from Mattie, but the girl was too perceptive.
“You care about Harm too don’t you?...I mean as more then someone that works with him.”
“Why do you say that?”
“You’re here...you’re worried...and I heard what you said to the judge in court.”
“Mattie, I’m worried about Harm yes...and you if something happens to him..”
“Don’t! Don’t talk like that! He’s going to be okay....he’s got to be.” Mattie couldn’t stop the tears that flowed from her eyes, even when she squeezed them shut as tight as she could.
“Hey, hey Mattie...it’s okay. I’m not giving up on him. I’m worried too, but I know Harm. He’s a survivor.”
“Sometimes he doesn’t seem it...like last night.”
“What about last night?” Mac thought. They had exchanged words before they parted ways last night. Mac thought it was just another round in the every lasting dance that took them no where. She had gone to Harm’s apartment to tell him that she was being stalked and she was sure it was Sadik. She told him so that she could explain that for his and Mattie’s safety it was important that they keep their distance even more then ever. At first Harm’s eyes had lit up thinking he had found the reason she had told him they would never work as they left Paraguay, but Mac had burst his bubble again.
It had devastated her to turn a cold shoulder to him when he had insisted that he should go with her to go after Sadik. Mac had used the one thing that she knew would make him see reason - Mattie. She had told him that he would be an irresponsible parent if he ignored Mattie’s needs just to play super hero for a Marine that did not need him to rescue her every time things got tough. Her words had been somewhat scathing, but it was important to Mattie and Harm’s safety that she got through to him.
It had hurt her to hurt him, but he saw the sense in her words and as much as he didn’t want to let her walk out the door alone, he had issuing his own directive, “Be careful!” She had closed the door and walked away without another word, assured that he would not come after her and endanger himself or Mattie.
“Mattie, how did he act last night - after I left?”
“Like he was all alone...even with me there and asking for help on homework, he was deep in thought and seemed so sad. Did you guys fight?”
“Not really...”
“Mac, you’ve got to get in to see him so he knows you’re here and you care about him.”
“I think it will be more important that he knows you are safe.”
“But Mac...”
“Excuse me, are you here with Commander Rabb?” a woman in scrubs stood in the doorway.
“Yes. I’m Colonel Sarah Mackenzie and this is the Commander’s ward, Mattie Grace.”
“How is he?” asked Mattie.
“He’s lucky from what I can gather. The good news is that there are no internal injuries. The blast did knocked him unconscious and he appears to have a mild concussion. He has regained consciousness, but he has lost his hearing. He’ll probably be a little disoriented and his affect may be somewhat flat, but that’s to be expected.”
“What’s that mean...his affect?” Mattie asked.
“It means that he may not show a lot of emotion in the way he talks. He’s going to miss the subtleness of voice and vocal inflections,” explained the doctor. “It will take him time to adjust to his handicap. He’s going to have to learn to communicate all over again by reading lips or sign. He can get by for a while writing things down. There will also be adaptions he’ll have to make in his home. Text messaging instead of his cell phone which will vibrate instead of ring; a flashing light on his phone and next to his door instead of a bell or knocking; there are many things that can be done so he can function in his own home and at work.”
“If he can’t hear, why would he need to know if his phone was ringing?”
“There are special phone systems where the caller’s voice is transcribed into text and arrives on a printer or a screen as words that can be read.”
“Wow! That’s cool!” Mattie enthused.
“Can we see him?” asked Mac.
“Yes. I’ve had him admitted upstairs in room 340. I want to keep him in for a day or two for observation. There is a chance that his hearing could return at least to some extent.”
“Thank you doctor.”
Together Mattie and Mac headed for the elevator and the hallway that would take them to Harmon Rabb’s side. As they approached room 340, Mattie slid her hand into Mac’s. Mac pushed the door open and saw Harm reclining in bed with his head partially raised. His eyes were darting at the ceiling and room around him.
“Hey Sailor.” Mac called as Mattie followed her into the room. Harm’s eyes didn’t focus on her. For a split second she thought he was avoiding her and then reality hit. Harm hadn’t seen her and couldn’t hear her.
At the same time Mattie rushed toward Harm’s side to hug him. Mac saw the startled expression cross his face as the teenager landed against him. His eyes darted from Mattie to Mac and then fixed themselves on Mac.
For a second Mac saw the confusion and fear in his eyes before he regained his composure and the shutters snapped in place. Slowly his arms came up and he took Mattie’s arms to sit her up so he could see her face.
“I’m okay,” he said. “Just can’t hear right now.” His voice was a little louder then what Harm would normally speak.
“Harm, what happened?” Mattie asked.
“What?”
“Mattie use the paper and pen and write down your question.”
Mattie took the paper and wrote the words as she spoke, “What happened?”
Harm nodded, “Not sure. Car didn’t start. I got out and looked under the hood. It looked like a cable to the battery had come loose so I put it back on. I got in to start the car and heard it turn over and then a bang and then nothing.”
Mac reached for the paper and wrote one word, “Sabotage?”
Harm just shrugged his response.
“I’ll get someone to check it out,” Mac told him.
“What?” he asked as he shook his head in frustration.
Mac wrote her statement down.
“Thanks...let the Admiral know?”
“Done.” Mac said as she nodded her head.
“Mattie you need to go to school.”
“I want to stay with you.”
“You can’t. Mac?”
“Yes?”
“Could you drop Mattie at school for me? I’m just glad she hadn’t gotten in first or tried to start it for me this morning.”
Mac nodded and said, “I’ll be glad to Harm. I’ll try to check on you later.”
He nodded as he carefully watched Mac’s lips as he tried to understand what she was saying. He discovered that if he focused it wasn’t too bad...he could get most of it. Lost in thought he didn’t realize at first that Mac and Mattie were still trying to communicate with him.
Mac had written, “I’ll get Mattie to school. You rest. See you later.”
Mattie hugged him again and this time he hugged her back. He reached for Mac’s hand as she turned to walk away. When she turned back he held on to her hand and mouth the words, “Thank you and be careful.”
Mac smiled, “I will.”
Harm watched them leave and then closed his eyes. He needed some rest. Made when he woke up his hearing would be back.
Chapter 2
1135 Local
CIA Headquarters
Langley, Virginia
Mac took her seat at the table with Deputy Director Kershaw and Clayton Webb.
“Sorry I’m late. Did the Admiral fill you in?”
“Yes. Is Rabb going to be okay?”
“He’s deaf. They don’t know if his hearing will return or not.”
“We sent a team out to check it out. We have his SUV and the initial report from the team is sabotage. Who ever did it, was rushing and didn’t make sure the connections was on properly. If Rabb hadn’t fixed the problem, the battery wouldn’t have blown.”
“Any ideas who’s behind it?” Mac asked.
“It’s probably one of Sadik’s men. They’ve seen you and Rabb together a couple of times now and Sadik likes to go after people close to his target.” Webb explained.
“Then why didn’t he go after me instead of you in Paraguay?” Mac challenged him.
“This is a new strategy probably as a result of that experience...and the fact he thought you were pregnant,” Kershaw explained.
“You know, Sarah, you’ve compromised our plan by publically connecting yourself to Rabb again,” commented Clay.
“It was your idea and not mine, Webb.. Do you have any idea what I gave up to try and get Sadik without anyone else becoming a victim?”
“My point exactly...That’s a lot of heartache and pain to throw away not to mention the consequences if Sadik slips past us again.” Webb tone was somewhat sarcastic as he chided Mac for being seen in public outside of work with Harm.
“Enough, Clay. Your not getting anywhere berating Sarah. Let’s hope that we still have enough surveillance to get the job done.” Kershaw sounded like he was scolding a petulant school child.
“What do you suggest?” Mac asked turning to Kershaw and trying to ignore Webb. Just looking at him filled her with anger lately.
“As you know we have a team watching his every move and charting his routines. He has changed his look three times recently, so getting that tracking device under his skin was a major accomplishment.”
“How did they manage to do that without him knowing it?”
“We followed him into a crowded area and managed to inject him when a pushing and shoving match broke out. If he realized anything at all, he probably thought he was stung,” Webb explained.
“So what’s he look like now?” Mac asked.
Kershaw turned to the computer and spoke into the microphone, “Can you get him in your cell phone lens view?” They all watched as the screen in front of them showed people in a restaurant and then focused in on one man. There in front of them was the man they were after.
Mac studied the picture closely, carefully watching his movements. Deep inside she knew that knowing this man’s appearance was going to make the difference between life and death - perhaps her own.
1555 Local
Room 340
Bethesda Medical Center
Harm lay in his bed, his eyes shut so he could pretend it was night and the quiet was natural. His head still hurt but it was nothing compared to the way it felt after the plane crash in Paraguay. He kept thinking about Mac. Last night she had come to him to make sure that he stayed away because Sadik and his goons were after her. He had known they would come. He wanted to distract them and be there to protect her, but she would have none of it. She insisted she could take care of herself. And she insisted that she would protect him. He was not going to have any of it and then she had said the one thing that would make him listen...Mattie’s safety.
Mac had attacked him as a parent to drive her point home. It killed a piece of Harm inside every time he had to chose between being there for Mac and someone else. The first time he had ignored Mac, she had seemed to change her mind and told him to contact her later. After the fiasco with her husband, when he had chosen to listen to his needs over hers, he had always tried to ignore his needs. When it had been between Mac and Renee, Renee was the weaker of the two women, yet it had bothered him that he had turned Mac away. He was never sure if it was because he felt his need to be with her was greater then her need to be with him and that was why he had turned her away or if he really felt he had to stand by Renee.
He had gone to Mac in Paraguay because he felt she needed him and yet she had not shown him any gratitude and had kept throwing Webb in his face and pointing out his flaws and weaknesses. He could deal with that - just by giving as good as he got. What had really thrown him was her rapid turn about when she had declared they would never work. He had thought that when they got back to their real world and things were settled, they would move forward - until she had made that announcement.
He had tried to get back their friendship at least, even though it ate at him whenever she mentioned Webb. He had heard her say things and saw her watching him sometimes recently that led him to believe that maybe she was reconsidering her never statement. Mattie’s presence had eased the tension between them most of the time and he felt that Mac wanted to be a part of their family again.
Last night when she had come to him about the stalker and told him she thought it was Sadik, he had wanted to go with her to end this nightmare, but Mac once again pointed out she didn’t need him and that he would be a lousy parent if he didn’t put Mattie first. So he had sucked it up and agreed to let her go alone, thanked her for worrying about him and then told her to be careful.
Despite all of that, Mattie had been in danger this morning. Thankfully she hadn’t been hurt, just scared to find him. And now he would have to learn how to function without his hearing.
Mattie Grace had taken the bus after school and quietly entered Harm’s room. He was in bed as he had been that morning, but his eyes were shut. Mattie quietly went into the room and curled up in the chair next to his bed. She took out a book that she had been assigned to read for both English and history and decided to work on tonight’s assignment while she waited for Harm to wake up.
Harm lay in the bed, eyes shut, wondering when someone would come by. It was lonely having it so quiet. Slowly his nose began to tell him that someone was in the room. He could smell a musty smell that wasn’t in the room before. Slowly he opened his eyes and turned his head to find the source of the odor. There in the chair next to his bed, was Mattie curled up reading a book that had seen better days.
“Hey,” Harm spoke.
Mattie jumped, “Harm, you’re awake!” She grabbed her paper and pen and wrote, “How are you?”
“Better...still can’t hear.”
Harm saw Mattie’s lips move. He asked her to say it again slower so he could try to read her lips. Again he watched them move.
“**** Mac been ***” Mattie asked him again.
“Has Mac been here?” Harm repeated to her.
“That’s what I’m asking you?” Mattie responded and she saw Harm get a confused look on his face.
“Mattie, I didn’t get that...I was asking you if you asked me if Mac had been here.”
“Oh...sorry” Mattie grinned.
“I got that! You said ‘oh sorry’ didn’t you?”
Mattie grinned and nodded her head yes.
“I haven’t seen her hear since she left this morning. I doubt she’ll be back...”
“Harm...” Mattie said his name as she touched his arm. He looked up at her and smiled. Mattie went on, “Mac promised me she’d check on you...”
“Mattie, I’m sorry...I’m not sure what you are saying. Can you write it, please?”
Mattie picked up the pen and wrote:
*Mac said she’d check on you for me*
“She probably called the desk and if there had been a problem she would have gotten you and come back.”
“Maybe.”
“You said maybe”
“Yes.”
“I think I can figure most of the one word answers...Sorry to make it so tough to have a conversation...”
*can’t be helped right now*
“Mattie, where’s my cell phone?”
“Home.”
“If I had that we could do text messaging and then both of us would be writing.”
Harm saw Mattie turn suddenly toward the door and smile. He looked at what had drawn her attention. Mac was there and was talking. Mattie was laughing and talking to her. He looked back and forth between them...his frustration was growing by the second at not knowing what was being said, what the joke was and he was jealous that Mac was bringing joy to Mattie and he couldn’t. All he did was make life for difficult for everyone. He stopped trying to follow their conversation, closed his eyes and escaped in to his own world of quiet darkness that he retreated to when life was too much.
Within seconds he felt Mac’s hand on his arm. He knew it was her without looking because of the electricity she sent through his body every time they touched. This time, like this morning, it seemed so much sharper. Reluctantly he opened his eyes.
Mac stood there holding out his cell phone. On it was note saying he had a message. He pressed the button and read it.
*The doctor mentioned this morning that text messaging was a great way to communicate. I stopped by your place and picked up your cell on the way over so you’d have it.*
“Thanks Mac...”
She took her wireless and tapped in some letters. *glad I could do something*
“Any news?”
*we’re on his trail. Your battery exploding may have been his idea but not his work. Too sloppy*
“Thank God!” He looked at Mac and she nodded.
*I can’t stay. I’ll check in often though.*
“Thanks.”
*Harm - it won’t feel as odd when you answer with text as well.*
Harm nodded knowing Mac was right. Mattie gave him a hug and left with Mac. He felt the phone vibrate and he looked down. Another message.
*Harm, Mac’s taking me home. I’ll send you a message later. Rest awhile. Love you.*
Harm picked up his unit and punched in his text response. * Love you too kiddo. Thank Mac for me. Don’t forget to do your homework.*
As Mac and Mattie got in Mac’s car Mattie laughed. “Harm’s going to be alright isn’t he Mac?”
“He certainly is taking his disability in stride right now. I called to check on him earlier and the doctor said he was doing well and that Harm may be able to go home tomorrow.”
“Thanks Mac. Mac?”
“Yes Mattie?”
“If Harm doesn’t get his hearing back will he be able to stay in the Navy?”
“Maybe, at least on a limited basis. He’ll be restricted to research and writing briefs and filing documents, but there is a need and they will probably keep him on for now at least on a limited basis.”
“Harm won’t like that.”
“No he won’t. He’ll deal with it though. And remember, there is still a chance his hearing could return.”
1715 Local
Room 340
Bethesda Medical Center
The nurse brought in food for Harm. It was nothing he felt like eating so again he shut the world out by closing his eyes and thinking. How was he going to survive as a lawyer without his hearing. He relied on it to detect the little nuances in a person’s voice when he had them on the stand ans when he conducted an interrogation. He knew Mac was good at it so maybe he could trust her to read the things he couldn’t hear. Instead he could focus on the visual information.
They say that when you lose one of your senses you compensate by learning to use the others more effectively. He was already using his nose. That’s how he knew when Mattie had been sitting there reading. The old book had given her away. With Mac, there was some inner connection that told him she was nearby, even before he lost his hearing. When she came to see him now, he felt her presence in the room more strongly then ever.
Harm jumped at the vibration he felt on his stomach. Opening his eyes, he spotted the cell phone laying on his stomach. He picked it up. He had a text message.
*Harm - AJ - Mac filled me in - give it a few days - then we’ll see where we are and what we need to do - Anything you need?*
*My hearing back would be good - Mac is after Sadik - keep her safe*
*I’ll try*
*Sir? Are there some things I can do at home for a few days? Prepare motions? research?*
*I’ll send Coates with some things for you.*
*Thanks*
*Later*
Harm closed his phone and put it back on his stomach. Maybe he could be useful and this test messaging put them on even ground at least. If he could just master lip reading it would make life manageable.
Harm jumped again as he felt a hand touch his shoulder.
A woman in a white lab jacket stood next to him with a white board. On it she wrote *I’m Pam O’Malley and I have been sent to evaluate your communication skills*
“Pam, I’m Harm. I can talk but I can’t hear. I can read and write; I can text message and there are a few words I can lip read. Think you can help?”
“Sure” she said as she nodded yes. “Have you ever used sign language?” she asked as she started moving her hands around. Harm watched her with a frown trying to figure out what she was saying.
“What a minute...I can’t read your lips when you keep moving your hands around.”
Pam laughed and then spoke slowly but naturally. “It’s not easy. Try to get the idea and don’t be afraid to ask questions. Don’t assume anything.” She watched Harm study her and repeated herself.
“Not easy ***afraid***ask questions ***anything”
On the board Pam wrote *Not easy. Get the main idea and ask questions. Don’t assume*
Harm looked at her, “I got some of it. I get tired fast.”
“That’s to be expected,” Pam said as she wrote on the board. *Expected* “I’m going to leave you some video tapes for you to use when you go home tomorrow to practice lip reading.”
“What?”
*Concentrate* “I’m leaving you some videos.” She wrote *videos for practice* “They’ll help you learn to lip read.”
“Thank you.”
Harm watched as Pam left his room. Video tapes to learn to communicate. Looked like the TV and VCR he had bought was going to get a work out. The back of the video mentioned the use of closed caption. It looked like the practice he got reading subtitles at the foreign films Renee had liked would come in handy.
Harm sighed. He needed to get up and use the head. Earlier they had made him use a bedpan. He decided that if he just got up they wouldn’t know the difference. He carefully swung his feet around to the side of the bed and eased himself onto his feet. He hung onto the bed while he got his balance. Carefully he took a few steps, with one hand on the bed. He was shaky from inactivity but not light headed or dizzy. With more confidence he stepped away from the bed and made his way toward the bathroom. With his back to the room door he didn’t see his visitor approach or the blush that stained her cheeks when she saw his six visible in the open back of the hospital gown.
Quickly Harriet backed out of the room and waited for a few minutes to give Harm time to use the bathroom and get back to his bed. She had stopped by his apartment and picked up some things for him with Mattie’s help. Everyone was rallying to help Harm. After last year when no one seemed to step up to help him they all jumped at the chance to be there for their favorite Commander.
Harm had just settled back into bed relieved that no one had caught him in his open back hospital gown when Lt. Harriet Sims had opened his door and peeked in. He saw her immediately because he had watched the door willing it not to open while he was so exposed. He had planned to call Mattie and have her get some clothes together for him, but it would wait now until after Harriet’s visit.
“How are you Commander?”
“A little shaky but I’m okay.”
“Has your hearing returned?”
He looked a little puzzled and then asked, “Did you ask about my hearing?”
“Yes sir...I guess there’s no improvement.”
“Harriet, write some of the important words on the board for me to read.”
“Yes sir.” *I brought clothes Mattie packed for you*
“Thanks Harriet. I hope I do get to go home tomorrow.”
“I can’t stay long but I wanted to check in and bring these things by. Anything you need?” *Need anything?*
“Not now. Thanks Harriet.”
“We’ll see you soon, sir.” *Got to go* Harriet wrote.
“Say hi to the boys for me, and Bud.”
Harriet nodded as she waved and made her escape. After seeing his well formed six she was still feeling a little warm. She wondered if Mac had any idea what she was passing up. She couldn’t or she would have been declared insane years ago! Harriet was looking forward to the next girls’ gab session. She planned to watch Mac’s face carefully as she mentioned the view she had when she peeked into the Commander’s room. She could tell a lot from Mac’s reaction.
Chapter 3
2139 Local
North of Union Station
Mattie and Jen’s apartment
Mattie had just finished her math homework when she heard a knock on the door.
“Jen are you expecting anyone?”
“No. You?”
“Uh-uh...better use the peep-hole,” Mattie talked mostly to herself as she went to answer the door. “It’s Mac!” Mattie pulled the door open.
“Hi Mattie. I hope I’m not bothering you this late and all...”
“No, come on in. Any luck finding the jerk that did this to Harm?”
“Not yet, but we’re getting closer. Mattie, look, I wondered if you heard from Harm tonight.”
“Not recently. Harriet stopped by earlier and got some clothes for him. She thought he’d be more comfortable then in a hospital gown and he’s hoping they’ll let him come home tomorrow.”
“I know. I’ve arranged to have some people come in and get his apartment ready for him.”
“What do you mean Mac?”
“Well, they are hooking up a doorbell that will activate a strobe light instead of a buzzer. They are putting in a special phone that will print out text but allow him to talk. There will also be light on it instead of the ringer.”
“Wow...that’s great Mac. Harm will appreciate that. I know he’ll want to be busy so he doesn’t have to think about his hearing. The admiral sent some work home for him with Jen. If he doesn’t come home tomorrow I’ll take it to him at the hospital when I go.”
“Look, I don’t know if I’ll be able to get away tomorrow or not, but I’d like to pick Harm up and bring him home if he’ll let me. Do you mind?” Mac asked Mattie.
“No Mac. Why would you even ask?”
“You’re family now. You may have already made arrangements.”
“Mac, if I had, I’d have called you.”
“Thanks Mattie. Are you going to call him tonight?”
“I was going to send him a text message to say goodnight. When he’s not home, I miss having him check my math and do that parental stuff.”
“Tell him I’ll be there in the morning if I can to bring him home.”
“Mac, let’s do it now.” Mattie grabbed her phone and started the first message.
Same Time
Room 340
Bethesda Medical Center
Harm felt the vibration against his side where the phone had slid. He picked it up and read the message from Mattie.
*Harm, My homework’s done. Mac’s here. Are they letting you come home tomorrow?*
*Yes. The doctor just left. I’ll be released around 0900*
*Mac will pick you up*
*Its okay. I can take the bus.*
*Don’t be a fool. I’ll be there.*
*Hey Mac. Thanks*
*I’ll see you then.*
*Mac?*
*Yes*
*Hug Mattie goodnight for me?*
*Sure*
*Harm I’m not a baby*
*Humor me squirt.*
*See you tomorrow*
*Night*
Harm closed the phone and lay back. He could almost feel Mac’s arms around Mattie and Mattie’s arms hugging Mac. He sighed and thought about being home tomorrow. He shut off his light and allowed sleep to take him into his escape. In dreams he could hear again.
0900 Local
Room 340
Bethesda Medical Center
As promised Mac walked through the door seconds after Harm’s doctor saw him and signed off that he could go home. He was dressed in his favorite old soft jeans and a dark v-neck sweater. Mac paused to take in the sight of him. He was a beautiful man and sometimes she just enjoyed looking at him. This time he caught her. Mac diverted her gaze and looked at his overnight bag.
“Ready?”
“Let’s get out of here. Thanks for coming Mac.”
“Your welcome.”
Harm smiled and nodded as he picked up his bag and headed for the door. Holding it open for Mac to precede him he waited for her to move into the hall.
They got into the car and Harm found himself nervous and edgy as they moved into traffic. His eyes were darting back and forth trying to take it all in. He jumped when he felt Mac’s hand on his knee.
“Harm, relax. I’ll get you home safely. You don’t have to be on top of every move. You’ve got to trust someone and I would think after all these years you could trust me a little.” Mac glanced over and realized that Harm didn’t even know she was talking to him. He was staring at her hand on his knee. She heard his accelerated breathing and removed her hand from his leg.
As she drove she felt his eyes on her. She glanced his way and smiled. She didn’t know how else to reassure him when she couldn’t write while driving and he couldn’t hear her words.
They arrived at Harm’s apartment with no problems, but Harm was visibly stressed. He hadn’t realized how much he used his hearing when he drove and being in traffic without being able to hear had been unnerving. He trusted Mac’s driving, although he enjoyed picking on her about it. He was glad to get home where quiet wouldn’t seem as strange. He grabbed his bag and was glad to see that Mac was going to come in with him.
Harm watched Mac’s mouth move and tried to guess at what she was saying. He was frustrated on one hand because he didn’t know what she was saying, but then know one would think anything of him staring at her mouth and he had always enjoyed looking at her mouth, although he had always been careful not to let anyone see him staring at her lips.
They stepped into the hall outside of his apartment. He saw Mac point to the doorbell and he shrugged until he saw her push the bell when he opened the door and a bright light flashed into the room. He stopped startled and looked at Mac.
“You behind this?”
Mac smiled and nodded.
“Thank you.”
“There’s more.”
“What?”
Mac stepped into the apartment and motioned Harm to follow her. She took out her cell phone and called his phone number. When it rang, the light flashed drawing his attention. He saw the strange set up and picked up the phone. Of course he couldn’t hear but when he spoke, Mac answered and the machine began printing out the words she said. He was able to read her words.
*Harm I had this installed for you so you could always be in touch.*
“Wow! That’s great Mac. Thanks.”
*Your welcome. You need to be independent and you need to use the phone. This system allows you to talk and read what the other person is saying.*
“How can I repay you Mac?”
*Do some research on a few cases for me?*
“Glad too. I need to be useful Mac.”
*I know. I talked to the admiral and we think there are enough things for you to do that we can justify keeping you on. Besides, your hearing will probably return before long.*
“I hope so.”
*Harm I’ve got to go. Anything you need before I do?*
“I guess not. Thanks again, Mac.”
Harm put down the hone and Mac disconnected her cell. It may have looked strange but it was a great way to show Harm his new devices and communicate with him.
Mac turned to look at Harm. “Call me if you need anything.” Harm looked a little puzzled so she pointed to the phone and held her hand up to her ear as if she was on the phone and said, “call me” as she pretended to dial and then pointed to herself.
Harm got it then and nodded.
After Mac had left, he put away his things. He set the video tapes on lip reading on the table to check out later. He was feeling tired, so he decided to rest a little while before he started using the tapes. Less then two hours from the time Mac had arrived at the hospital to bring him home, he was asleep on his bed.
That’s where Mattie found him that afternoon when she got home from school. She wasn’t alarmed to find him resting, because she didn’t know what time he had gotten home or when he laid down for a nap. She had been a little concerned when he hadn’t answered his cell phone text message, however, when she discovered he had left it in his coat pocket she understood why he had missed the call. She hadn’t tried his new phone, because she wasn’t sure how it had worked.
Harm realized that Mattie was home and so he got up to spend some time with her. She fixed them a snack while he used the bathroom and then they settled at the table to work. Mattie took out her homework and Harm grabbed the files Mac had left him. Mattie would show him her homework after each problem. He would smile and nod if she was right and point to where she needed to correct her work if she made an error.
Finally Mattie wrote on a piece of paper, *Did you lose your voice?*
Harm laughed then and answered, “No...I guess I forgot I could talk. Guess I thought I’d be disturbing the peace and quiet if I opened my mouth.”
Mattie laughed then too as some of her tension with his strange behavior eased at his comment. Together they fixed dinner using voice and gestures to communicate. After they ate, Mattie set up the TV and VCR so they could view the tapes together. Harm had forgotten about them and realized they probably would have set there ignored if Mattie hadn’t taken charge. A niggling sense of lethargy nudged Harm’s consciousness but he managed to ignore that too as they viewed the tapes.
Mattie decided that it would be fun to try learning lip reading herself and might even come in handy someday as she viewed the tapes with Harm and made sure he followed the lessons on the tape. Mattie discovered that she was catching on quickly - more so then Harm. She scolded him for not trying and he complained of being tired and unable to focus. After an hour she let him off the hook and said good-night saying she would see him in the morning before she left for school. Harm hugged her and nodded. He hadn’t gotten any of what she had said.
After she left he turned off the lights in his loft and went back to bed still wearing his jeans and sweater.
0715 Local
North of Union Station
Harm’s Apartment
Mattie let herself into the apartment as usual to have ‘breakfast’ with Harm before going to school. Another words, she grabbed some juice or a piece of fruit and a granola bar to eat on the way. This morning he was still in bed. Mattie thought maybe he had a rough night so she let him sleep and left him a note before heading to school.
*Harm, Hope you are feeling okay. Call me or Mac if you need something. See you around 5:30 when I get home...volleyball practice tonight. Love, Mattie*
At 0800 the strobe light on his phone went off. Harm covered his head with a pillow and ignored it. Mac tried again later during court recess with no results. At lunch time she tried again and there was still no response. She tried sending him a text message and later an email. There was no response from Harm with those methods either. As the day wore on she was getting more and more concerned. She didn’t want to worry Mattie so she didn’t check with her, but when she was able to secure after court, she headed for Harm’s apartment. Something told her that all was not right with the situation. Her greatest fear was that Sadik or his men had struck again.
Chapter 4
1720 Local
North of Union Station
Harm’s Apartment
Mac rang the door bell. She heard nothing from inside the apartment. She used her key and unlocked the door, calling Harm’s name. There was no response. The apartment was dark. Mac turned on a light and looked around. Nothing had been disturbed. She went up the stairs into the bedroom. His back was to her but she realized he was wearing the same clothes he had on yesterday when she had brought him home. He was laying on top of the covers. She walked around the side of the bed so she could see if his eyes were closed or not. They were. She also noticed that he had not shaven and his hair looked dull...not like the usually immaculate Harmon Rabb she knew.
Mac touched his knee and he jerked away and then sat up. His voice when he spoke was hoarse as if he hadn’t spoken all day.
“Hey Mac. Must have fallen asleep. What time is it?”
Mac showed him her watch.
He nodded and said, “Mattie should be home soon.”
Mac watched him get up and move to the kitchen. He seemed to be distracted as he looked into the refrigerator and then the cupboards as if he was trying to figure out what to do next.
Mac grabbed a paper and wrote on it.
*Tried calling you today. Problems with the phone?*
“No. Guess I didn’t hear it.”
*Harm, it flashes a light, remember?*
“Oh yeah...guess I didn’t see it.”
*What’s wrong?*
“I’m deaf, Mac.”
*What else?*
“Nothing.”
*Go shower. I’ll make dinner*
“Okay. Thanks.”
Harm left the kitchen and Mac heard the shower running. She fixed a salad while she put some of his homemade soup on to heat. She put rolls in the oven to warm. It wasn’t much but she knew Harm hadn’t eaten all day and something light in his stomach would probably be wise.
Mattie came in just as she was getting ready to serve it up.
“Hi Mac. What’s up?”
“Hey Mattie...talk to Harm at all today?”
“No. He was still asleep when I left this morning. I left him a note. He okay?”
“I guess so, it’s just...”
“What Mac?”
“He was still in bed wearing the same clothes he had on yesterday when I got here. I tried calling him several times and he didn’t respond at all. He went up to take a shower and dress when I started dinner. It’s not much - leftovers.”
“That’s great Mac...soup and salad is fine with me. So is this the flat affect the doctor talked about?”
“Maybe...although I would describe it more as lethargy.”
“Should we get him to the doctor?”
“I’m not sure. I think I’ll call him at least and see what he thinks.”
“Thanks Mac. Hey Harm!...Whoops, I keep forgetting he can’t hear me.”
“He doesn’t usually take this long to shower and dress...” Mac went up the stairs into his bedroom to find him in sweat pants and a t-shirt laying on the bed. Again she touched his knee and gestured to him to come eat. He shook his head and Mac pulled on his arm. This time he got up and Mac faced him and said quietly, “Mattie’s home. Don’t scare her.”
Harm frowned but must have gotten some of what Mac said as he followed her to the dining area and sat down next to Mattie. This time he didn’t smile. Mattie looked at Mac, tears glistening in her eyes.
They all ate a little but everyone seemed to have lost their appetite. As soon as the table was cleared, Mac took out her cell phone and called the doctor.
“I’m concerned because he seems so lethargic. What can we do?”
“It’s not all that unusual, but I am concerned that it seems to be getting worse and we didn’t see it at all in the hospital. If he’s not having any pain, then I would suggest making him be active and having someone stay with him that won’t allow him to withdraw.”
“Could he go into the JAG office?”
“It might not hurt. Try to keep him into a routine. If he needs to rest limit it to an hour at a time other then at night. If he’s slept most of the day, he may try to stay awake tonight. If you can get him active for a few hours this evening, it might help him to sleep later.”
“Lifting weights, jogging, swimming?”
“Those should work.”
“Great. What about making him communicate? What should we do?”
“Ask him questions; make him think; challenge him if it will make him want to say something. And if you don’t see any change after two or three days - or if he gets angry or seems to be in pain - bring him in.”
“Thank you Doctor.”
And so after filling Mattie in, Mac called the Admiral and explained the problem. He agreed to have Rabb in the office and assigned Mac to keep at him and if she needed a break, enlist the help of Bud and Sturgis.
Mac broke the news to Harm and then informed him she needed his help at the fitness center and he might as well work out. Reluctantly he went with her. Mattie watched them go as she returned to the apartment she shared with Jennifer Coates.
Mac told Harm, she wanted him to run beside her on the tread mill because she kept a better pace that way and she had to get ready for her physical endurance test in a couple of weeks. Harm never questioned it and did as he was asked. After doing an hour on the treadmill they did circuit training with the weights and finished off with laps in the pool.
Mac would have enjoyed the docile ‘do as he was told Rabb’, except for it was so out of character that it was scarey and Mac would have given anything to see him fight her just a little on anything.
When they left the fitness center, they stopped at Mac’s apartment to get a clean uniform and her overnight bag. She told Harm she would camp at his place to make sure he got his six out of bed in the morning so neither or them were late for work. He had just nodded his acquiescence.
Harm said goodnight when they returned to his apartment and laid down on his bed fully dressed. Mac had showered at the gym, so she changed into her pajamas in Harm’s bathroom, said goodnight on her way through and took pillows and blankets out of his closet to make her bed on his couch.
0240 Local
Harm’s Apartment
Mac was sleeping restlessly on the couch when she heard Harm yelling. She listened to see if he said anything else. Seconds later she heard him call out again, “Don’t touch her!”
Mac got up and moved toward Harm’s bed. He was tossing and turning on the bed and mumbling. Suddenly he grab one of the pillows in his fist and threw it, “Mac Run!”
Mac tried to stay away from his flailing arms as she touched him to wake him up. Harm sat up in bed breathing hard, his heart racing as he looked around and then spotted Mac at his side. Without a word, he pulled her into his arms and lay back on the bed with her mumbling, “I thought they had taken you away from me. I can’t lose you. Don’t leave me Mac.”
The fear and longing in his voice brought out the nurturing side of Mac and she relaxed in his arms as she tried to calm him by caressing his face and messaging his arms as he held her. Eventually he relaxed enough so that she got him under the covers and his sweatshirt off of him. He held on to her so she gave in and let him hold her as they both returned to a more peaceful sleep.
0615 Local
North of Union Station
Harm’s Apartment
Mac woke up first slightly confused by the strong bands that held her in place against a warm but solid wall. As Mac shook off the sleepiness she realized that the bands were Harm’s arms and the solid wall his body. She managed to slip out of his hold and made her way into the shower. Slipping into the clean underclothes she had brought into the bathroom with her, she wrapped herself in Harm’s robe and went to wake him up. She gently shook him and when he opened his eyes and looked at her, she gestured for him to go shower. She pointed first to him, then toward the bathroom and held her hand over her head like a shower head. Harm nodded and got out of bed to do as she instructed.
Mac dressed in her clean uniform and stepped into the kitchen to pour coffee and fix some breakfast. Mattie came in at 0700 for her fruit and granola and to say good morning.
“How’s Harm this morning?”
“Well he’s getting ready to go to JAG. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so agreeable to following directives.”
“You mean orders?” Mattie grinned.
“I’ve tried not to make them orders - just suggestions. He’s complied, but I anticipated more arguments about it.” Just then Harm joined them in the kitchen. Harm spoke but wasn’t smiling or animated like he usually was.
“Morning Mattie. Ready for school.”
“Yeah, sure. Can you guys come to the volleyball match this afternoon?”
Harm shrugged and Mac stepped in. “What time Mattie?”
“Usually we start around four...it’s okay if you can’t make it.”
“We’ll try to get there. Mattie?”
“Yeah, Mac?”
“I’ll get him there.”
“Thanks.”
“Have a good day and we’ll see you later.”
Mattie left for school and Mac urged Harm along so they could leave for JAG.
Mac tried talking to Harm using gestures and lip reading. He wasn’t focused so she ended up writing things down again. Still he seemed lethargic to her. Instead of giving up she resolved to keep urging him to do things, to think and to produce work. They had worked through lunch so that Mac could get them out in time to get to Mattie’s game. She was about to leave when the Admiral asked to see her.
“How’s he doing Mac?”
“His work is perfect. I have to keep him going. He’ll do a task and then sit there and wait. There’s no emotion from him at all. He doesn’t smile and he was doing that before at the hospital. I think something is wrong.”
“Could it be a delayed reaction?”
“Maybe. I talked to the doctor yesterday and he said that it wasn’t uncommon for someone to become very lethargic and have a flat affect. He said to make him work out if possible and get him into routines and make him stay with them.”
“You said he had slept most of the day yesterday. Did he sleep last night?”
“Yeah. He did have a nightmare but he settled down and he was asleep when I got up this morning. I’m hoping that going to Mattie’s game will help get him interested in life.”
“Good luck Colonel. Let me know if you need anything.”
“Thank you Admiral.”
1555 Local
Mattie’s High School
Gymnasium
When Mac pulled into the parking lot she looked at Harm and saw his eyes were closed and he appeared to be asleep.
She parked the car and climbed out going around to his door. Harm opened his eyes and reached to open the door. He saw Mac waiting for him.
“Mac I’m so tired I don’t know if I can stay awake during Mattie’s game.”
Mac stood in front of him where he could see her and spoke as she nodded her head and gestured to him.
“Yes you can - for Mattie.”
Harm nodded that he understood and followed her into the gym and located seats for them in the bleachers. Mattie spotted them and waved. Her excitement was visible. Harm returned her smile. The first one Mac had seen from him all day.
Mattie had played a fantastic game. When it ended and they had won, she ran to Mac and Harm. Her excitement and animation were evident in the way she smiled and her eyes sparkled. Even Harm caught her exuberance for a few minutes. She asked him if she could go with her team for pizza and meet them at home later. At first Harm shrugged and then when he looked at Mac and saw her facial expression, he nodded. Mac had quietly squeezed his hand and smiled.
After exchanging hugs, Mattie left with her teammates and Mac and Harm headed for the car. “Mac, when we get to my place I’ve got to get some sleep.”
Mac found a piece of paper and wrote on it.
*Rest in the car. I need to stop by my place. I’ll call for take out. What do you want?*
“I don’t care.”
“Fine” *Fine. Hungary Marine here*
Harm smiled and closed his eyes. Mac drove to her apartment to pick up more clothes. While she was there she called the Italian restaurant near Harm’s for Eggplant parmesan, Spaghetti with meat sauce, two salads, and garlic bread. She left Harm alone in the car and did not disturb him until she parked outside his place. She roused him then and as he got out she handed him his briefcase and one of the take-out bags. Locking her car she followed him to the apartment.
She convinced him to eat a little but he kept complaining he was tired. She decided to let him have an early night, but planned to get him up and out early in the morning to go for a run. Instead of working out this evening she tried to get him to few his video lesson on lip reading. He put it in and then about fifteen minutes into it she noticed his eyes were closed and he was leaning to one side.
She decided to let him go to bed and escape into sleep as he had kept busy all day. He wished her good-night and Mac took out a book to read. Mattie stopped by to talk about the game. She was disappointed that Harm had gone to bed, but understood when Mac explained how the doctor had wanted him to be pushed a little to get him into a routine. Mac offered to help Mattie with her homework, but she assured her that it was covered. Wishing Mac a goodnight Mattie went to the apartment next door she shared with Jennifer Coates.
Mac decided to call Kershaw and see what, if anything, was developing with Sadik.
“Sarah, it’s good to hear from you. How’s Rabb?”
“Physically he’s fine. His hearing hasn’t returned and he’s withdrawn. Are you moving in on Sadik yet?”
“No...Sarah you know we need you to do that.”
“I can’t right now. Harm and Mattie need me.”
We need you. We ended up sending Webb to a safe house...you’re our only hope of nailing Sadik.”
“I’ll think about it,” Mac informed him.
Mac read until about 2200 and then made up her bed on the couch again. She fell into a light sleep right away. She was awakened near midnight when Harm started calling out in his sleep.
“Mac, don’t go! No! Don’t leave! Mac! Mac...Mac...” Harm’s voice started loud and then became quieter but with a desperate sound. Mac went to check on him and found him sitting up in bed, tears on his face. He looked at her with such desperation that she went to his side immediately.
“What’s wrong Harm? Talk to me.”
“When you walked away from me on the Guadalcanal I knew it was because you were upset with me and I could handle it, but when you walked away to go to Brumby and Clay I didn’t know what to do. If someone besides me is going to make you happy then I don’t want to stand in your way...but then you tell me I’m suppose to fight for you. How can I fight for you when I’m not sure that’s what you want?”
Mac knew that Harm was feeling vulnerable without his hearing and that plus the nightmares or dreams he was having prompted his speech, yet the simple fact he was opening up to her for whatever reason gave her a feeling of hope. Last night he had said he couldn’t lose her and tonight he was begging her not to leave. Words didn’t seem enough now that he was unable to hear, so Mac just slid into bed next to him and as he lay back down she smoothed his face with her hands.
“I’m here. As long as you need me, I’m here.” Harm lay on his side and wrapped an arm around her. He wasn’t sure what she had said, but knew she would stay by him. He decided to take a chance and hold onto her again. She rolled on to her side with her back to him but remained close. Spoon fashion, they both fell asleep.
Chapter 5
0512 Local
North of Union Station
Harm’s Apartment
Mac awoke first and slid out of bed. She dressed in her jogging clothes and then woke Harm. He groaned, but got up and dressed in his running clothes as well without a fight. They had often run the eight mile loop together through city streets and parks. They ran together, side by side, at a pace they were both familiar with from the old days when running together was an almost daily occurrence. Through the park they sprinted across the field and then took the hilly loop. They made four laps around the track at the school athletic field before heading back to Harm’s at a slightly slower jog to cool down. The last mile they walked so they could enjoy the fresh bagel and coffee they picked up at the bakery on the way back.
Once in the apartment, Harm motioned for Mac to go ahead and use the shower. She was pleased that his attitude and affect seemed almost normal this morning, other then they didn’t talk much, just sometimes looked at each other and smiled. They communicated with gestures mostly.
Dressed in Harm’s robe again, she stepped out of the bathroom and into the bedroom to dress, so that Harm could use the bathroom to shower and shave. By the time he was ready to dress, Mac was in the living room picking up her bed on the couch. Mattie came in as she was folding the last blanket.
“Morning Mac. How’s he doing?”
“I think the exercise and routine is helping. We went running this morning and he seemed almost his normal self. You know, even when he could hear there were times he didn’t listen. At least now there’s a good reason he doesn’t hear me.”
“Mac!” Mattie laughed as she tried to scold Mac for speaking negatively of her guardian but couldn’t do it.
“Well it’s true...” Mac defended her statement with a smile.
Harm joined them giving Mattie a hug and saying, “Great game yesterday kiddo. Get your homework done?”
“Yes.”
“Have fun with your teammates over pizza?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Friday night, right?” asked Harm.
Mattie nodded.
“Shall we do dinner and a movie tonight as usual?”
Mattie glanced at Mac who smiled and nodded.
“Sure. Shall I tell Jen?”
“Why don’t you remind Jen. It’s her turn to get the movie isn’t it?”
“Yes.” Mattie rolled her eyes as she remember that Harm couldn’t hear her.
“Great. Mac, you’ll join us right?”
“Wouldn’t miss it.” Mac nodded. She was pleased to see Harm responding normally.
Mattie left for school while Mac and Harm headed for JAG.
On the ride in, Harm again became quiet and non-responsive. Mac found herself prodding him and directing him every step of the way. By the time the day ended, she was exhausted and he looked worn-out. She saw Petty Officer Coates late in the day just before she began to secure for the weekend.
“Mattie remind you about dinner and a movie tonight?”
“Yes, Ma’am. I was thinking something with lots of action would probably be a good choice.”
“I’d say get two. He may not last through one movie, say nothing about two. Get an action one we can play first, and then something for us girls to enjoy.”
“Yes, Ma’am. Sounds like an excellent plan to me.”
Once again in the car, Harm shut his eyes and shut out the world around him. When they returned to his loft, Mac put her hand on his arm to get his attention and he had jumped and pulled away. Seeing the concern on her face he had muttered an apology.
“Sorry, Mac. You just startled me.”
She had smiled and nodded and followed him upstairs as the elevator was once again out of order. Harm dropped his things near the door and headed for his room. Mac didn’t give him a chance to collapse on his bed as she figured he wanted to. She grabbed the white board and wrote.
*Change. I’ll get stuff ready for you to fix dinner*
“Okay. Be right back.”
Harm did return in his worn jeans and long sleeved t-shirt with bare feet. He seemed to enjoy the cool floor, where Mac wanted her feet warm and kept socks on to protect them from the colder wood floors. There were times she missed were carpeted apartment.
While Harm fixed the dinner, Mac changed into a pair of grey leggings and a long darker gray sweater. She put on a pair of warm socks Chloe had sent her for Christmas that doubled as slippers with the tread areas adhered to the bottoms. She had just joined Harm in the kitchen when Jen and Mattie arrived.
“What did you get for movies Jen?” asked Harm.
She showed him the boxes and he smiled as he read, “Lethal Weapons IV” and frowned at seeing “Runaway Bride.” He didn’t comment however and Mac smiled her approval to Jen.
After devouring the Mexican ‘feast’ Harm had prepared they cleaned up and then settled into the living room together. Harm on one end of the couch, Mattie on the other and Mac in the middle. Jen took the chair to start with. Mac tried to watch Harm without his knowledge during the movie. He tried to follow the action but when the movie hit slow spots, she could see his focus fade. By the end of the movie he was asleep. Jen changed the tapes and then flopped into one of the bean bag chairs they had dragged over from their apartment. Mattie joined her. Mac curled her legs under her, but stayed where she was next to Harm on the couch.
After the second movie, Jen and Mattie said goodnight to Mac and left. Mac watched Harm sleep a while longer before she tried to wake him. She reached out to touch him and somehow, her hand developed a mind of its own when she found her fingers caressing his face. His eyes popped opened and sought hers. Slowly she pulled her hand back and said, “Time to go to bed.”
Harm nodded and stood up. He reached a hand out to Mac. She took it and stood next to him as he pulled lightly.
“Come on...maybe I won’t have a nightmare if you are there from the start.”
Mac swallowed and followed Harm to the bedroom. If things were different, maybe they would be going to bed to make love. But Mac had said never and Harm had listened back then and honored her wish. They had found their friendship again, but Mac feared that anything more would only be her dream and her regret. Mac used the bathroom first and then changed in the bedroom while Harm used the bathroom. She slid into bed as Harm came out dressed in his boxers and climbed into bed beside her. Without speaking they resumed the positions they had used the two previous nights when Mac had joined Harm. Spooned together they slept.
0240 Local
Harm’s Apartment
North of Union Station
The pressure in his head made it feel like it would explode. He tried twisting and turning to get away from it. He put his hands to his ears and tried to relieve the pressure but nothing was working. He could feel the roar coming from his toes and escaping from his throat.
Mac heard the deep groan come from Harm and she sat up alarmed. She had never even heard a wounded animal make a sound like that. Next to her, Harm thrashed on the bed, holding his head and rocking side to side.
Getting out of bed Mac went to his side and tried to get him to focus on her and explain what was wrong. Within seconds she knew that she needed help and had called 911 for an ambulance and paramedics. They arrived within three minutes. Jen and Mattie heard the commotion and joined Mac trying to comfort Harm.
The paramedics tried checking his vitals, but Harm didn’t cooperate with them. They transferred him to the stretcher and strapped him in as much as they could before transporting him to Bethesda at Mac’s insistence.
Jen, Mattie and Mac rushed to get dressed and climbed into Harm’s SUV to get to the hospital. By the time they arrived the doctor had seen Harm and was able to come out and give them a preliminary report.
“The good news is, his hearing is returning. I’ve given him a sedative and something for the pain. He’s been in total silence just long enough that just the sound of his own breathing seems loud to him. On top of that the inner ear has not healed and he may be feeling some nausea.”
“Can we see him?” asked Mac.
“Not tonight. Go home and get some sleep. Come by tomorrow around ten and if he’s stable, you can take him home.”
Reluctantly Mac, Mattie and Jen returned to the building north of Union Station. Mac said goodnight to the girls, got her things and returned to her apartment in the middle of the night. When she opened her apartment door, she discovered that her apartment had been ransacked. Grabbing her weapon she searched the premises to see if anyone was still around. Once she knew it was secure, she grabbed a blanket and curled up on the couch to try to catch at least a nap before morning.
As daylight appeared outside her window, the telephone in her apartment rang. She picked it up concerned that it was the hospital calling about Harm. She heard breathing in response to her hello but nothing else at first.
“I know you’re there. Who is this and what do you want?”
“Now, Sarah, I am hurt that you don’t recognize the voice of an old friend,” the heavily accented voice spoke.
A memory filled Mac at once and in denial she stated, “I have no idea who this is. How do I know you?”
“Ah, Sarah...I know I have been on your mind for months now...I have called before. You deny that the name Sadik has been in your thoughts day and night since you left the Chaco Boreal?”
“What do you want from me, Sadik?”
“I want you to acknowledge that you are as interested in me as I am in you, Sarah. We share a heritage and we could share a life. Meet me Sarah.”
“When and where, Sadik?”
“Tonight I will find you and bring you to my world...just listen and follow the music, Sarah.”
Mac could hear traditional Middle East music playing in the background and knew where she would need to go tonight.
CHAPTER 6
0635 Local
Mac’s apartment
Georgetown
Setting down the phone she began to map out her day. First she would call Kershaw and let him know what she now knew for sure. Then she would get ready and pick up Mattie to go get Harm. Once she knew Harm was home and safe she would prepare for tonight. There would be no more worries about Sadik after tonight - one way or another. Either he would die as a result of her actions, or she would at his hands. That fact would be dealt with later.
After talking to Kershaw and agreeing to call him later, she picked up Mattie and went to the hospital. Together they walked into his room. The doctor turned as they entered and smiled.
“Right on time. The patient is getting impatient about going home...and he is regaining his hearing.”
Mattie and Mac smiled as they descended on Harm.
“Good news, Harm. Can you really hear me?” asked Mattie.
“Yeah, most of what you say.”
“There are some frequencies that are still impaired, but we’ll give him another week and then we’ll test his hearing and see what we’ve got.”
“Thanks, Doc.”
“Papers are all signed so you can leave when you are ready.” With a wave the doctor was gone.
“Why don’t you two wait outside and I’ll get dressed so we can leave,” Harm suggested.
“And miss you walking around in that hospital gown?” teased Mac.
“Eeewww....I’m out of here,” declared Mattie as she escaped from the room. Mac laughed and turned back to Harm.
“Seriously Sailor, you got your sea legs enough to get up and get dressed without injury?”
“What’s that about a jury?” Harm asked.
“I said, can you get dressed okay?”
“Yes, been doing that for years on my own...although there have been times I’ve accepted help undressing...” Harm grinned.
Mac rolled her eyes and stepped out of the room to wait with Mattie. She heard Harm’s laugh follow her muttering, “That man can be so infuriating!”
“What’s the matter, Mac?” asked Mattie innocently.
“Harm...what else. He really is back to his old self.”
“What did he say to you?”
“Nothing...Mattie, look...I’ve got to go on an assignment and as much as he’s acting like himself, he’s not well enough yet to help. He’s only going to be in the way. Can you take care of him for me?”
“Of course Mac...is what your going to do dangerous?”
“No...”
“Don’t lie to me now Mac.”
“Yes.”
“Does Harm know?”
“Not yet.”
“But you are going to tell him?”
“Yes...later today after I know more details.”
Just then Harm opened the door dressed in sweat pants and a long sleeve t-shirt. “Did anyone happen to grab a jacket for me?”
“It was hanging on the chair...” Mattie went into the room and returned holding out his jacket.
Harm walked next to the wall, still a little unsteady on his feet. Mac walked next to him and Mattie walked backwards down the hall so she could face them both.
“How about I fix sandwiches or wraps when we get back? Mac, you’ll stay right?”
“Mattie I’m not really hungry,” explained Harm.
“I won’t be able to stay Mattie, but maybe I could take one with me to eat on the way?”
“Okay...” Mattie turned back around and led the way to the car, feeling somewhat dejected.
Harm watched her and turned toward Mac, “What’s wrong with her?”
“Disappointed that you won’t let her take care of you right now when you need it.”
“I don’t need it...Whoa...” Harm leaned against the wall for a few seconds regaining his balance. “But I don’t want a sandwich...” Harm whined.
“So ask her to fix you some soup instead or something. Harm its one way she can contribute to the family.”
Harm studied Mac’s face as she spoke. Her words woke something in his subconscious that he felt he needed to pull out and look at with this new information. Later, when Mac was gone, he would do just that. Having her next to him in his bed and being there as his anchor reactivated old feelings and thoughts that he had tried to pack away and forget. Her caring presence in his life was not allowing that to happen.
Once in the car, Harm turned to Mattie.
“You still fixing lunch?”
“Guess so.”
“Can I have a salad instead of a wrap?”
Mattie smiled at her guardian. “Sure.”
Once they returned to the loft, Mattie ran next door to get the ingredients for the wraps and some salad for Harm. While she was gone, Mac took the opportunity to talk to Harm.
“It’s Sadik.”
“Mac...anything could have caused that battery to explode.”
“Yes...but he called me again...last night. I’ve called Kershaw and I’m meeting him later.”
“No Webb?”
“He’s away and according to Kershaw he’s safe.”
“But you’re not are you Mac?”
“There is some danger, but we have a plan...and a back up plan.”
“I wish I could be there for you...”
“I know Harm, but right now you’d be a liability...”
“The last thing I want is to distract you or make your job harder, Marine.”
“I know. I’ll see you later after I meet with Kershaw.”
“Mac?” Mac turned and looked back at Harm. “Be careful.”
“I will...” She turned as Mattie came back with the lunch. She handed Mac her wrap and Mac took a bite, “Thanks Mattie...it’s great. I’ll see you both later.”
Mattie watched Harm watch Mac leave as she brought his salad to him.
“Thanks Mattie.”
“Welcome...Harm?”
“You’re worried about Mac aren’t you?”
“Yes.”
“Is there any thing we can do to help her?”
“Not now. If this goes down like I think it might, she’ll need us later. And when she does, we’ll be her family and be there for her like she’s been there for us.”
1700 Local
Harm’s Apartment
North of Union Station
Mac arrived at Harm’s loft dressed in a white suit wearing a winter white wool coat and scarf. She opened the door and found Jen, Mattie and Harm in the middle of a game of scrabble. Mattie had spelled d-u-h and Harm was complaining that it was not a word and she could do better then that. At Mac’s request Jen and Mattie left her alone with Harm. Mattie hugged her before she went out and whispered, “Come back to us.”
Mac felt the tears well up in her eyes. She didn’t want or need the extra emotions right now, so she strengthened her Marine persona tighter around her. It was harder to do out of uniform, and with Harm’s eyes tracing her body, it was dam near impossible. It had to be done.
“Harm, Kershaw’s plan is good and Sadik is playing into it already.”
“Tell me.”
“Harm I don’t want an argument.”
“I won’t argue but I need to know...please Mac...not knowing is what kills me...”
“I know...Sadik wants to meet me. He’s decided I’m worth saving and we’re going to use it to get him to talk to me.”
“Mac he’s going to be searching you for weapons...”
“I know, we’ve got it covered. Harm, Kershaw is giving me back up although I’ll be going in alone initially. I just need to tell you something before I go. Please just listen and don’t say anything now.” Mac placed a finger against his lips. “The past few days, spending time with you, taking care of you, it made me feel great, needed. I’ve missed that. I also realized that I was a fool to say we would never work...if I make it through this Harm, if its not to late, I’d like to explain why I said what I did and maybe try exploring what this is between us.”
Harm’s heart raced in his throat. He wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her and keep her with him - keep her safe. But he knew that in order for them to have a chance he had to let Mac be her own person. He used all of his strength not to pull her to him and not to speak. He did however give her a smile and nod his head.
When Mac turned and walked to the door as she had almost a year ago before leaving for Paraguay, Harm called out as he had then, “Mac!”
Mac stopped and looked back like she had then too. Only this time Harm walked toward her. She held her arms open to him and he reached to hold her like they had years ago in the desert of the Middle East when they had gone after the black jet. For a moment they held to each other and then Harm whispered, “You can do this Marine...but be careful.”
Mac nodded as she backed out of his arms and shut the door between them. Taking a deep but shaky breath Mac went to meet her fate with Sadik.
Inside the apartment, Harm tried to relax as he sunk into the couch and thought about the new insight he had been given today. It seemed like he learned something new every day from the women in his life - Mac, Mattie and even Jen. Today when Mac had said that Mattie needed a way to contribute to their family, some memory had tried to move into his conscious thought. Now that he was alone, he was going to try to find it. Nothing special came to mind, but the realization that Mac didn’t feel that she had much to offer him kept nagging at him. The times Harm had needed her, she was there for him. Going to Russia looking for his father, rescuing his brother, on the submarine when they needed each other to survive...Mac had been there and had been sweet and tender and allowed herself to be all women even if for only a moment.
He had been there for her too - but he had taken his usual suck it up and move on approach. He had used her Marine training to motivate her on several occasions, and had never hesitated to challenge her to make her rise to the challenges she faced. Yet when she was heading on her biggest challenge - her mission to Paraguay - he had used his needs to try to keep her safe. He had told her he didn’t want her to go, but he didn’t tell her why. She probably thought he didn’t think she could do the job and so this time he made sure he sent her off knowing he did not doubt her capabilities.
Harm waited as the minutes and then the hours ticked by. He paced; he sat; he thought; he tried to read but after turning several pages realized he had no idea what he had read and put the book away; and he talked to Bud on the phone about their client but put off until morning when he could go into the office any decisions. Mattie came in and picked up the scrabble game. She was sad watching Harm, but knew there was nothing she could do. She went back to her room and said some prayers for Mac this time.
While Harm waited, Mac was facing the most nerve wracking experience of her life. It was worse this time because she knew what Sadik was capable of.
Mac had left Harm knowing that he had confidence in her abilities and that if he could be there for her he would be. She also realized that of all the men in her life, Harm was the only one secure enough with himself to acknowledge and respect her for her intelligence and inner strength. The reassurance he had given her before she left him was tucked inside her. At the time, no one knew how important that last minute gift from Harm would be.
Parking the red corvette she proceeded to the nightclub where Middle East music and cuisine was famous. Her cell phone rang and when she answered it was Sadik telling her where to go. He disconnected the call and setting down her phone, Mac looked around trying to find him. She knew he was close. A pale man with scraggly long blonde hair approached her and asked if she were alone and if so, if he could take a chair from her table. She nodded and smiled, trying to relax. Her cell phone rang again and this time Sadik spoke to her and allowed her to see him...he was the blond man with scraggly hair. Mac’s heart raced. She spotted the gun he held on her and nodded that she had seen it. They then stood up and left the club together walking and talking calmly along the street until they arrived at a luxury apartment.
Sadik certainly liked living well Mac thought as she took in her surroundings. She removed her scarf and coat and offered to let Sadik search her taunting him with a statement about the possible places she could hide a weapon.
Mac was on a high state of alert and had scanned the place looking for possible escape routes and items to use as weapons. She then asked Sadik to use the bathroom which he allowed. Mac tried not to react when she found the dead body laying in the bedroom as she passed on her way to the bathroom.
She left the door opened as Sadik demanded and once inside she checked the wires and made sure they were not visible. Kershaw and his men would hear every word.
It didn’t take long before Sadik began playing his game. He kept his voice soft and non-threatening trying to lure her into his web. Mac would some times catch him looking at her and her assets while he tried not to drool or show any interest. He talked of her heritage from her grandmother and he tried to explain that she could only be a real women when she allowed herself to be protected and kept pure by a man.
“Sarah, you have had freedom to choose and what do you have? Nothing! You chose weak men that cannot protect you or stand by you. You are alone and barren. You are a whore. I can change that. You can live a life of purity and honor in my home and I will forget your past...and pray that Allah does the same.”
His words pricked her psyche, but the armor Harm’s last words to her provided allowed her not to be consumed or give in to Sadik’s hypnotic words. Each time he said her name, Sarah, her skin crawled. It use to be a pretty name but hearing him say it she didn’t know if she could stand to have anyone use that name ever again.
Sadik was still talking and Mac tried to focus on what he was saying about the young people that were mingling in the streets below. She realized that he had set bombs and that within minutes there would be more death and destruction. One part of her wanted to run to warn them and prevent them from being in Sadik’s way, while the other part of her wanted to stay focused on Sadik and make sure he never hurt anyone again. She wanted to make him pay for what he had done to everyone.
“You see Sarah, I can be everywhere...the night club, your apartment, the JAG parking lot, anywhere I want to go, I can go. Anyone I want to eliminate I can. You were wise to stay away from your Commander for so long, but as soon as I see you together I knew that he would need to be out of the picture...he is a warrior that one. He would make a worthy adversary, but only if he was fighting for you. By pushing him away, he doesn’t think you care anymore and so he will not go to the ends of the earth searching for you again.”
Mac knew that it was vital to control her emotions at this point. She had to let Sadik think he was right. She decided to try to use her sexuality on him to convince him to save the people in the nightclub. She sat next to him and put her hand on his chest and purred, “What can I do for you to change your mind about those people in the night club?”
Before he could answer or Mac could say more, they heard the sirens. Sadik jumped up and looked out the window, “What have you done Sarah?”
“I have done nothing Sadik,” but she smiled as she opened the top button of her blouse to reveal the tiny microphone taped to her breast.
His anger burst forth then and he came at her. Mac fell back onto the couch, thanking her lucky stars she had already stepped out of her high heels. He held on a gun on her which she kicked out of his hands. It flew across the room. She got to it, but Sadik struck a blow to her arm that made her hand go numb and she dropped the gun. She managed to get up and Sadik went after the gun. Mac stopped him by punching him with her fists and telling him she was not weak, barren, or alone. He grabbed the gun and she kicked it away again. This time she reached it and came up with it as he retrieved another gun. She fired hitting his arm and forcing him to drop his weapon as he went to the ground. “That’s for Harm,” she told him as he stood to his feet and began coming toward her again. “This one’s for Clayton Webb.” Mac fired again, this time hitting him in the middle of the forehead. She was still standing there with the gun in her hand when the SWAT team burst in followed by Kershaw. At there command to stand down, she handed the gun to Kershaw and said, “It’s over.”
“Are you alright?”
“Fine. I’m sorry I killed him. Now you won’t know where the triggers are.”
“That doesn’t matter.” Kershaw handed her the white coat and wrapped it around her shoulders. She scooped up her shoes and as she passed a mirror she saw the blood trickling from her lip, her hair messed up and the haunted look in her eyes when she said, “I’m not sorry.”
Kershaw turned, “Did you say something?”
“Just talking to myself...do you need me for questioning?”
“We got it all on tape Sarah. Go home. If we need anything more we’ll call you.”
Mac nodded and walked down to the street and to her car. She was still barefoot and tossed her shoes and coat into the passenger seat as she climbed in. She drove to Harm’s apartment not caring about the time; not caring how she looked. She needed to be held and Harm was the only one she would trust to do that.
She walked up the stairs still barefoot-her shoes and coat were still in the car. The only thing she carried was her keys. The door opened before she could knock and she stepped into the loft and into Harm’s arms.
CHAPTER 7
0014 Local
Harm’s Apartment
North of Union Station
He had been watching for her all night, hoping she would return to him. It had been just before midnight when he had returned to the window and looked out. He had seen her get out of her car and his heart had filled with joy. She was alive! She had won the battle with Sadik. Yet the way she moved told another story. Something was wrong. Harm knew it. He opened the apartment door to meet her and he also opened his arms to her. She had stepped into the loft and into his arms. He had wrapped his arms around her and held her to him. She hadn’t cried. She didn’t say a word. She did wrap her arms around his waist and hold on to him. They were still standing near the door holding on to each other.
Harm decided to move her into the room and he wanted to see her face. He lifted her chin and as she looked up he saw the blood on her face. He held on to her as they walked toward the kitchen. He used a paper towel he had wet at the sink to clean her face and then gave her an ice cube to hold against her lip.
Harm looked into her eyes and saw the haunted look there. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Mac shook her head no. “Just hold me,” she whispered. They had gone to bed then clinging to each other.
When Harm awoke the next morning, his hearing was almost back to normal, but Mac was no longer in his arms. He got up and when he entered the bathroom he could tell that she had showered. Her white blouse and skirt were in the garbage and his sweats were missing. It was Sunday so he decided to wait a little longer then call her. Maybe he would go over and check on her. After showering and fixing breakfast he poured some coffee and took it to his desk. He called the admiral after disconnecting the special adapter on his phone. His hearing had returned and he no longer needed that feature.
“Chegwidden.”
“Admiral, sorry to bother you on a Sunday morning at home.”
“What is it Commander?”
“My hearing has returned sir, but have you heard from Mac?”
“No, but I did get a detailed report from Kershaw. I think you should see it.”
“Yes, sir. Admiral, Mac was in rough shape last night she came here but wouldn’t talk about it. I cleaned her lip for her and iced it. I guess she didn’t want to be alone.”
“I’ll bring the report over for you to read. When I get there, if you haven’t heard from Mac, we’ll call her.”
“Aye-aye, sir.”
The admiral arrived less then an hour later and handed Harm the report as he walked through the door.
“Read it and then we’ll talk.”
“Coffee sir?”
“I’ll get it. You read.”
“Yes sir.”
Harm sat at the table reading while the Admiral fixed his coffee and warmed Harm’s. He sat at the table waiting for Harm to finish. When he did and looked up his eyes showed the pain he felt after reading the entire transcript that Kershaw had provided him with. The attached note said, “Get her some help. She refused our offers.”
“What are we going to do sir?”
“We need to see what she needs and how she’s handling it. The fact she came to you last night is probably a good sign. It shows she’s willing to have help to deal with what that bastard put her through.”
“Sir, she left when I was asleep. I thought she had fallen asleep and so I let myself sleep as well...when I woke up this morning she was gone.”
“Don’t blame yourself, Harm. You’re still recovering and you need your rest too.”
“Yes sir...” Harm looked up as he heard his door open to admit Mattie for her usual Sunday morning breakfast visit.
“Morning Harm...Admiral. Am I interrupting?”
“Morning Mattie. How’s school going?”
“Pretty good, sir. Harm’s helped me get caught up in Math and he met with the Dragon Lady, my English teacher, and got her to chill out.”
“Really?” The admiral looked at Harm.
“I informed her that high expectations were not the issue, and made her aware of the writing and documentation that Mattie had done during the fall before she enrolled in school. When she realized that some of her graduates probably couldn’t do what Mattie had done at fifteen, she agreed to issue her grades.”
“Good for you. You know Mattie, we got off on the wrong foot, but I do admire your spunk and you’ve been good for Harm. Made him think when I couldn’t even. I understand that you have your sights set on the Naval Academy. Is that right?”
“Yes sir.”
“Then you keep your nose clean and work hard and not only will your guardian vouch for you, but I will too.”
“Thank you sir.”
“Harm, Jen and I are going to go out for brunch at the mall and do some shopping, okay?”
“I suppose you need the credit card...or would a little money do?”
“Both?”
“No.”
“Had to try...”
“No you didn’t.” Harm got up and retrieved the credit card. “You remember the monthly limit?”
“Yes.”
“And you know what you have left?”
“Yes, Harm.”
“And you know the consequences for going over the limit?”
“No card for a month. NO shopping without you and I’m grounded for two weeks.”
“Okay...have fun.”
“Harm?”
“Yes Mattie.”
“I’m glad you can hear again.”
“Me too.”
“Yeah it was harder to do battle with you when I had to write everything!”
“Get going...”
“Harm? Is Mac okay?”
“Why do you ask?”
“I got up early this morning and heard something in the hall. I looked out and she was wearing your sweat pants and sweatshirt and she looked upset. Did you guys have a fight?”
“No Mattie. Mac had a rough assignment and came to see me afterward. She left before I woke up. I’m sorry but I can’t tell you anything else.”
“I know. Classified.”
“We’ll make sure she has us if she needs us. You go have some fun.”
“See you later.”
After Mattie left, Harm turned to the Admiral, “At least we know she was here until early this morning. She hasn’t been alone that long.”
“I’ll call her on my cell phone.” AJ took out his cell and called Mac’s home number. It rang and eventually the answer machine picked up. “Mac, Admiral Chegwidden. Call me on my cell when you get this message. That’s an order Colonel Mackenzie.” AJ looked at Harm. Both men knew it wasn’t a good sign that Mac was going to ground. While they respected her privacy, they were both worried about her.
“Admiral, were you aware that Mac was under orders from the CIA to keep her distance from me so they could use her to get to Sadik?”
“Not exactly. Kershaw had told me that I had to keep you on a short rein and that if you slipped away from me it could mean trouble for everyone.”
“Then why did he agree to help me after I resigned my commission?”
“Because he could get you to go in and clean up and then blame you for any life lost.”
“That’s why you were so angry with me isn’t it sir?”
“I was angry with myself for not seeing what they were doing and being able to prevent it from the start. Kershaw’s not a bad guy, but he needed to prove something to the SecNav on behalf of the CIA. You and I got caught in the middle of their battle and Mac’s the one that has had to pay the price.”
“I learned a lot of important things as a result and I ended up getting something out of my time with the CIA.”
“Rated on a wide variety of aircraft wouldn’t have been one of the perks would it?”
“I’m sorry sir...that’s classified.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah...unless it suits your purpose Rabb!” AJ laughed and shook his head. “You know Harm, Mac tends to follow a pattern when she’s dealing with things.”
“The Stalker...she brushed it off at first although she admitted to Harriet that he made her nervous. She ended up drinking.”
“True, but what started it?...she killed Raigle.”
“Right...and when she couldn’t handle what she had done she turned to the bottle and then she lashed out at me and then hid away until I talked some sense into her.”
So she kills Sadik, runs to you, and now she’s going to hide out? What happened between you two that she would want to run from you?”
“Nothing Admiral. She wanted me to hold her and that’s all that happened.”
“We’ve got to find her.”
Harm tried to call next. “Hey Marine...I missed you when I woke up this morning and you were gone. You did a hell of a job last night and I need to know that you are okay this morning...about everything. Call me Mac. I just need to know you are okay and to let you know I’ll do what ever I can to help you...just talk to me, please.”
Same Time
Mac’s Apartment
Georgetown
Mac had showered gain when she got home. A part of her had wanted to stay curled up in Harm’s bed and in his arms while the other part of her knew that she needed to find her strength in her Marine training and within herself to deal with what had happened over the last year.
Monday morning would come and her duties at JAG. She had to get control of her emotions and feelings so that she could recapture the analytical persona she used to function in her job. She was cool, calculated, and strong enough to be good at what she did. Harm had even acknowledged her intelligence last night. At a time she needed it the memory of his respect and faith in her had been fresh in her mind.
During the night though she recalled all the times that he had said or done things that did not reflect his confidence in her and the nights scenes played out over and over again with very different endings. It had played over in her mind so many times that she was beginning to confuse fact and fiction.
Leaving the towel in her room she had entered her bedroom naked to finish drying and to dress. She heard Harm’s voice on the answering machine and she set on the bed to hear his message, not ready to talk to him. His scent and the feel of his arms holding and comforting her were too fresh in her mind to deal with. She drew her knees up to her chest and hugged her legs to her body. She cried again for the wasted time; for the pain she had caused Harm; for herself and the pain she now wanted to inflict on Clayton Webb.
She heard her door bell peel and reluctantly got up from the bed. She pulled on some panties and grabbed one of Harm’s dress shirts she had accidentally packed with her things the other night. She pulled it on as it covered and comforted her. The door bell rang again and this time she heard Clayton Webb’s voice.
“Sarah, let me in. We need to talk.”
Mac yanked open the door and spat, “Don’t ever call me that again!”
“What?”
“I hate the name Sarah now...don’t use it.”
“Alright....Mac. I thought you’d be celebrating now that Sadik is gone.”
“You think I liked killing a human being on purpose?”
“You didn’t have a choice Sar...Mac.”
“First shot, no...but the second one he was down and help was coming. I looked him in the eye and I pulled the trigger to pay him back for what he did to you.”
“Thank you for avenging my pain, but it wasn’t necessary. Look, you should go see a therapist to help you work through everything.”
“No! I don’t want someone messing with my head.”
“It will help Sarah.”
“I said don’t call me that!” Mac brought her hands up in fists and began pummeling Webb’s chest. “You have no right telling me what I need. You were somewhere safe while I was trying to make it up to you for taking Sadik’s torture to keep me safe. Out of gratitude to you and a desire to make Sadik pay, I gave up everything important to me. I gave up Harm. I’ve hurt him so bad and inflicted wounds so deep that I don’t know that they can heal. If I’m careful perhaps the scabs will stay in place so that we can enjoy the friendship we have found again...but thanks to you and the CIA I’ve lost my chance with Harm.
“Sadik was right...I’ve been with a weak man...you Webb. I want you out of my house and out of my life!” Mac began to scream at him again, her fists flailing against him.
Clayton Webb knew the game was up. He had lost his chance with Sarah Mackenzie. He had gambled and he had lost...but he would live another day. “Alright...I’ll walk away. But if you ever get sick of waiting for Harm to realize what he’s got you come back to me.”
“Never...I would rather have Harm’s trust and friendship then a life with you - a weak man that I can’t trust and can’t count on.” Webb backed out the door and Mac slammed it shut. She saw the light blinking on the answering machine. It said there were two messages so someone else had called. She rewound the tape and heard the Admiral’s message. Mac knew she needed to follow orders so she dialed his cell number and waited for him to answer. When she heard his voice she tried to sound normal...composed, professional.
The admiral answered his cell phone still sitting at Harm’s table. “Chegwidden.”
“Colonel Mackenzie reporting in as ordered sir.”
“How are you Mac?”
“I’m alright sir.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes Admiral. I am tired. I didn’t sleep much last night.”
“Plans for the day, Colonel?”
“I’m going to do my usual weekend cleaning and read. Probably take a nap. I’ve got to call Harm later and check in with him.”
“Alright, Mac. See you at JAG Monday morning then.”
“Yes sir.” Mac set the phone down and breathed a sigh of relief. She had disguised her fragile psyche from her commanding officer - for now. Harm was going to be the challenge. He knew her to well. She decided to get the call done now so she could try to sleep.
“Rabb”
“Hey Harm...”
“Mac...how are you?”
“I’m okay...I couldn’t sleep so I decided to come home. Sorry I didn’t leave a note.”
“That’s okay. Mac, if you need to talk or just don’t want to be alone, you’ll call or come over right?”
“Yes Harm.”
“I’m serious Mac.”
“I know...look about last night...”
“Yes...”
“Thanks for putting up with my weak moment and not giving me the ‘suck it up Marine’ talk.”
“Your welcome. Mac?”
“Yes?”
“When you’re ready, I’m here.”
“I know. See you tomorrow Harm. Give Mattie a hug for me.”
Mac hung up and then crawled into her bed curling into a fetal position. She allowed herself one more bout of tears until she fell asleep. When she awoke, she would prepare to be the cool, efficient, professional Chief of Staff at JAG headquarters.
Same Time
Harm’s Apartment
North of Union Station
“She’s closing herself off from us sir.”
“Does she keep any liquor in the house?”
“No...I don’t think she’ll turn to alcohol at this point. She’s just withdrawing...building up her armor. I do the same thing and its not good.”
“When did you learn other techniques, Commander?”
“Since a fourteen (now fifteen) year old girl came into my life that needed me...I kept getting on her case for not trusting me and opening up and she asked me why I could do it and she couldn’t. That’s when I learned that I had to model for her the behaviors I wanted from her. Wasn’t easy and sometimes I forget, but she won’t let me.”
“Too bad you didn’t learn about that years ago. Might have avoided some rough spots between you and the Colonel.”
Harm looked at his commanding officer and smiled when he saw the smirk on his face and the furrowed brow.
“I guess we have made things difficult for everyone - not just ourselves. You know Admiral, we both have tried to keep our distance because neither of us wants to give up JAG and the JAG family.”
“Harm, if you and Mac decided to get together, I would try to invoke an Admiral’s privilege or pull some strings somewhere so that you could work together. Should I start looking for some options?”
“I think its too soon for that sir.”
“I hope you don’t plan on taking another seven or eight years!”
“Admiral, with all that Mac needs to deal with about all we can handle right now is our friendship. Thank God we still have that.”
“Don’t wait too long Harm. She might need you more now then ever before and if you can’t be there for her when she needs you most...”
“I know sir. I just want to be sensitive to her needs.”
“You can do that and let her know you’re interested without pushing faster then she’s ready for. Be sensitive to her answer...not to what you think she wants. Trust me...I learned that lesson too late. You might as well benefit from my mistakes.”
“Yes sir.”
“Enough advice and dealing with personal lives. I’ll see you tomorrow.” AJ Chegwidden picked up the folder he had brought with him. Don’t dwell on it - but be alert.”
“Aye sir. Thank you.”
Harm watched his commanding officer leave, once again amazed at how the man crossed back and form between friend and commanding officer so effortlessly. He supposed in a similar way he did the same thing with Bud, Harriet and Coates.
Left alone now, he decided to think some things through and make some plans. The one thing that he was sure of now this thing between Mac and himself had been acknowledged again was that it had a name...at least the part that rested with him. He was in love with Sarah Mackenzie and wanted to have all that went with that. Watching her lips while he had lost his hearing had been almost as mush of a sweet torture as holding her in his arms at night to sleep.
CHAPTER 8
Two weeks later
Harm’s Apartment
North of Union Station
Harm sat in his living room and thought back over the past two weeks. It had been rough. Mac had come into JAG the next morning acting as if nothing monumental had happened over the weekend. She had met with the Admiral and convinced him that she was fine. It lasted less then two hours.
They had been in court when the first wave of anger struck. She had been questioning a witness when Bud had made an objection. She had glared at him and then repeated the question even though it had been sustained. Bud had objected again and Mac had glared at Harm when she saw him stand to ask for a recess.
Judge Helfman had seen them at their best and their worst over the years, but even she wasn’t prepared for what happened next. Mac had stalked up to Harm at the table as the Judge granted his request and started slapping his chest with an open hand as she accused him of never being there for her when she needed him. She had stamped her feet and then closed her hands into fists and started swinging at Harm. He had tried to block her blows but had indicated that everyone should leave them alone. Eventually she had burst into tears and allowed Harm to hold and soothe her.
Together they had spoken to the admiral who had shown up in the courtroom. He had ordered Mac to seek counseling. She had argued with her commanding officer that it wasn’t necessary and an invasion of privacy. Harm had stood by helplessly as Mac had finally crumbled when there had been no way out. In order to resume her duties at JAG and avoid brig time she would need to pass a psychological evaluation.
Harm had taken her to Bethesda under Admiral’s orders. She had pleaded and begged him not to make her stay. She had hurled accusations at him and he had sucked it up and done what needed to be done. They had admitted her and her pleading had continued. The doctor had given her a mild sedative and before Harm left he looked her in the eye and said the words that had not come before when he had wanted them too.
“Mac, I know you think I’m being mean and spiteful making you come here. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. You need help to deal with all that has happened. When you are feeling better we will talk, but I want you to remember one thing - I still love you.” Mac quietly lay on the hospital bed with tears streaming down her face as Harm stood and kissed her forehead. “I’ll see you as soon as they say I can.”
Harm had walked away and once in his car had let his own tears come. One day had turned into two and then three. Life at JAG and with Mattie went on. Harm called the hospital at least twice a day to ask for a progress report on Mac. They had told him that they would not let family or friends in until she started opening up and working through the issues.
Angry, Harm went to see their commanding officer.
“Harm, I know this is rough on you. It’s rough on all of us.”
“With all due respect, sir, it’s roughest on Mac. She has been abandoned so many times in her life that not being able to see any of the people that are important to her is going to make her think we’ve abandoned her again and she’ll shut down...not open up.”
“Commander, you may have a point.” The Admiral picked up his phone and asked Coates to get the doctor on Mac’s case on the phone for him. In just seconds she put the call through to him. “Dr. Weston, this is Admiral Chegwidden. You are treating one of my people, Lt. Colonel Sarah Mackenzie.”
“Yes Admiral. Unfortunately Colonel Mackenzie is being very uncooperative and we are not making much headway with her.”
“That’s what I was afraid of...listen Dr. Weston, I have her partner, Commander Rabb with me. He knows her better then anyone. Would you be willing to meet with him and get some background on the Colonel before you continue with her treatments?”
“To what purpose?”
“We feel that if you know some things that Harm knows that are not in her file, you might have a better handle on how to approach her.”
“Alright Admiral, its worth a shot. Commander Rabb, can you be here within the hour?”
Harm looked to his commanding officer and heard him answer, “He’ll be there Dr. Weston. Thank you.” Disconnecting the phone he said to Harm, “Let’s hope this works.”
Harm had gone to Dr. Weston’s office and told him things about Mac’s life that he knew would not be in her file. Dr. Weston had sat there and let Harm talk for almost three hours.
“Commander, I can see why our treatments of Sarah have not been successful. Thank you for making us aware of this. I know this might be an imposition, but if having you there will help her to open up, are you willing to give it a try?”
“Yes sir...if she’ll let me.”
And so for four days he had sat with Mac, holding her hand, comforting her when she cried, encouraging her to open up, sharing some of his own experiences so that she could see there were things he needed to deal with too, and at night he stayed with her until she fell asleep.
Mattie had sent notes to Mac each day and shown courage and understanding when Harm was absent to be with Mac. Harm and Mac called Mattie each night to talk about school and make plans for when she could come home. She had breakfast with Harm every morning when she would deliver the day’s note for Mac, hug Harm twice - once for Mac - and then head off to school or on Saturday to spend time with her friends.
On the fifth day, Dr. Weston had told Mac that she needed to go through a few sessions on her own. He wanted to tell her with Harm present so she would understand that he was not breaking his word to her. Mac had hugged Harm and thanked him for being there for her. She was ready to do this and she would call him soon.
He had left Bethesda and returned to JAG. His cell phone was always on, set to vibrate so that he wouldn’t disturb court in session. Four days went by with no word from Mac. Dr. Weston called each day to say that Mac was working through some more things, including some issues she had with him. He was encouraged and was going to offer Mac a chance to go home and come in for individual and group sessions each day.
On the fifth day when Harm got home he found a message on his answering machine from Mac.
“Hey Harm...sorry I haven’t called. I know you are worried about me and actually I’m glad. It means you do really care...love me. I love you too, but I’m still not sure if I can handle us. I’ve been talking to Dr. Weston about it. Our feelings are so strong and powerful that I don’t know if either of us can handle it. I’m still trying to find out why I feel this way, and until I do, I’ve asked Dr. Weston let me stay here for multiple sessions each day. Quite a switch huh? Okay, I love you Sailor and I am trying to get my head around this so we can have a shot at us. Talk to you soon.”
Harm had played the tape over and over eventually calling Dr. Weston for advice.
“It’s okay Harm. It’s all wrapped up in her need for control. Sadik took that away. You gave it back to her. She’ll put the pieces together soon on her own. Give her the time she’s asked for.”
Harm had agreed but spent the next few nights tossing and turning, much like he had when she had gone to Paraguay.
Today marked two full weeks since she had been admitted to the hospital. He was exhausted and had to dig deep to find the energy to fix dinner for Mattie and him. He glanced at the clock and knew that Mattie would be home from volleyball practice soon. He had planned to serve vegetables and brown rice with grilled shark steaks. Everything was ready to go and waiting in the refrigerator. As the steaks went into the broiler, Harm heard the elevator. He was sure it was Mattie coming home. He got out her favorite soda and was ready to hand it to her when she came in. He heard her voice excitedly talking in the hall. When the door opened, Mattie called, “Look who I found!”
Harm turned expecting to see Sturgis or Bud when Mac stepped through the door. They stood there staring at each other. The silence stretched on and Mattie looked from one to the other and back again. Finally, she quietly shut the door and leaned against it with her fingers crossed. She went back to her own apartment for a while.
Harm looked into Mac’s eyes and she looked into his. Slowly they started walking toward each other until they were close enough to touch. Harm looked down into Mac’s face while she tipped her head back to look up into Harm’s face.
They didn’t break eye contact and they didn’t speak. At first their fingers reached out and linked with the fingers on the other’s hand. They stepped closer together. Harm’s head lowered while Mac stretched up further. Slowly foreheads rest together, then their lips touched. Harm touched his tongue to Mac’s lips and her mouth opened to him. The kiss deepened and they held each other close, not breaking apart until they had to breathe.
“I’m back.”
“And better then ever,” Harm grinned. “Want to join us for dinner?”
“I’d like that.”
“Mattie...Mattie? Where did she go?”
“Probably didn’t want to watch us kissing...I’ll go get her.”
Harm dropped another kiss on her lips and let her go while he rescued their dinner.
Mac and Mattie returned arm in arm and set the table. Together they enjoyed dinner, cleaned up, helped Mattie with homework, and found any excuse to touch.
Mattie claimed exhaustion and left an hour earlier then usual. Harm and Mac settled onto the couch together. They talked and whispered and kissed until they both started getting drowsy.
“Mac, you’re too tired to drive home. Stay here tonight...”
“On the couch?”
“If that’s what you want...but I’d rather have you in bed with me and in my arms. Decisions yours.”
“Then I’ll stay here - in your bed - in your arms.”
Once in bed, the lights out, Harm whispered, “I love you and soon I won’t be content with just holding you you know...”
“I love you too, and I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but we’ve waited this long, I’d like to wait until...”
“...we’re married.” Harm spoke with the same conviction as Mac. “Then start planning the wedding, Honey.”
“I haven’t been asked yet.”
Harm got out of bed, took something out of the bedside table and knelt on the floor next to Mac’s side of the bed. “Will you marry me?”
“Why?”
“Maaacccc!”
Mac burst out laughing, “Yes. I’ll marry you because I want you in my life; because I love you; because I want to have your babies; because I want to grow old with you; because I know that you are the only one that can push me to be the best I can be while helping me over the hurdles; and because I know that I can do the same for you.”
“I love you.” Harm kissed her again and crawled over her in bed to settle her against him.
They fell asleep that night in each others arms. Their dreams were of weddings and babies that looked like him with her brains and looked like her with his brains.
EPILOGUE
May 22, 2005
Rabb Residence
Falls Church, Virginia
The guests had arrived. Some brought food, while others brought colorfully wrapped gifts to welcome the newest Rabb who was being christened today, on his parents first wedding anniversary. Three month old Samuel Mackenzie Rabb slept peacefully in the carrier his mother wore as his father took the offerings and put them in the appropriate places - food in the kitchen and gifts on the table in the living room.
Bud and Harriet Roberts were there with AJ and Jimmy, proud to be Sam’s godparents. Trish and Frank Burnett had arrived with Grandma Rabb while Mattie and her father arrived with Chloe from the airport. Mattie had returned home with her father but had stayed close to Mac and Harm with her father’s blessing.
The laughter and love was visible among the family and friends gathered to celebrate two special occasions on one day. Harm and Mac had taken their share of ribbing when their son had been born exactly nine months from their wedding day.
Mac had just smiled and said, “Harm had a promise to keep and he always keeps his promises.” No one knew exactly what that promise had been, but if Harm was around when she gave her response, he would get a soft glow in his eyes as he would lean in to give his wife a kiss.
Harm had taken their son from Mac to give her a rest, and just because he loved to hold is son and spend time bonding with him. Mac had taken the opportunity to corner Harriet for a little girl chat.
“Harriet, I’ve been meaning to ask you something.”
“What’s that Ma’am - Mac?”
Fighting to hide a grin, she quietly asked, “I’ve noticed that you seem to have developed an interest in my husband’s six. What gives?”
“Oh!” Harriet’s face turned beat red and when she looked at Mac she burst out laughing. “You aren’t going to believe this...I’ve been meaning to tell you something but I wasn’t sure how to bring it up.”
“Let’s hear it...I’ve a feeling this is a good one.”
“Oh it is...remember last year when Harm was in the hospital when he had lost his hearing?”
“Yes...” The memories of that time put a damper on Mac’s day a little still. She forced herself to listen to Harriet go on.
“Well, I had gone to the hospital to take Harm some things and as I entered the room he was heading into the bathroom. He didn’t see me so I stepped into the hall and gave him time to get back to bed.”
“So?” Mac was waiting for the rest of the story and watching Harriet grin and blush.
“Mac...he had on a hospital gown and I had quite a view!”
“You didn’t! Oh Harriet!” Mac burst out laughing then and covered her mouth with her hand.
“I did. I remember thinking, ‘Mac can’t have had this view or they would be married by now!’ and then with everything that happened I never had a chance to mention it...but I haven’t forgotten!”
“He is pretty unforgettable Harriet...does Bud know?”
“I told him...and then I made sure I inspected his own assets and apprized him of everyone over and over again.”
“Harriet you are a naughty lady!”
“Yes, Ma’am.” Harriet grinned. “You know I love Bud and that Harm is like my big brother...but I’m not dead either.”
“It’s okay Harriet...I won’t tell him unless I need to take him down a peg or two one of these days.”
“You two do seem happy...”
“Harriet, as soon as the silence ended and we started talking and listening, we discovered that we had wasted a lot of time. We left the baggage behind and have just moved forward, together every step of the way.”
“Did you have trouble picking out names?”
“Not a bit. I asked him if he wanted to go with Harmon the third and he said he didn’t but that he had thought of Samuel. I liked it right away. Just in case we had a girl I asked him what he thought of calling a girl Emma. He said he liked it and that was that.”
“Wow! I think we all expected you two to argue and second guess each other even after you married.”
“I know...we just decided we had wasted so much time already we weren’t going to do it anymore. We haven’t.”
“How are things working out at the SecNav’s office?”
“Great.”
“We always thought you’d go to judiciary or that Harm would end up on the Hill, but this is really the best option isn’t it?”
“Yes. I rarely have to travel and right now the judges are on the road even more then the lawyers and investigators.”
“Travel can be a problem...Mac, we weren’t going to say anything yet, but I have to tell someone...”
“What is it Harriet?”
“Bud and I have talked it over and as much as we fought for Bud to stay in, he’s going to reserve his commission and join a civilian law firm in a few months.”
“Harriet, are you sure?”
“Yes. The travel is hard on all of us and he not longer has anything to prove to the Navy. He’s going to submit his paperwork on Monday.”
“Wow. Things do change don’t they?”
“What about you?”
“I’m going to be a stay at home mom. Besides, we hope that this time we are able to give the boys a sister.”
“Oh Harriet...that’s wonderful!”
Later that night when the house was again quiet from the laughter and the talk among friends, Harm and Mac stood in the quiet and watched their son sleep. He was proof of a promise that Harm kept to Mac. Everyone had mentioned his dark eyes and auburn hair, so like Mac’s and his already devilish sense of humor that was developing so like his father’s.
Together they walked hand in hand to their bedroom and closed the door. The silence was broken only by sounds of love.
THE END