Title: Soothing Summer
Author: Hollyjp
Spoilers: This story picks up at the end of Hail and Farewell, the season 9 finale and may refer to any and all previous JAG episodes.
Summary: The month of May had brought a lot of upheaval to JAG. It will take extra care and lots of love to sooth the pain and build a foundation for the future.
May 21, 2004
Dining-out Ceremony
Naval Academy
Annapolis, Maryland
Admiral AJ Chegwidden left his JAG family to enjoy the evening, feeling secure that they were as squared away as possible. He had noticed how Harm had hovered near Sarah Mackenzie all evening, from her late arrival to his own early departure. During that time he had noticed a quiet resolve in Harm and a grateful acceptance in Mac that somehow assured him that they were going to be okay. He would have been pleased if he had seen and heard them when they found their way to another porch.
Mac couldn’t hide her smile as Harm escorted her to the bench on the porch where they took a seat. His tender care and gentle touch was the very thing she needed. Somehow he knew what she needed and tried to make sure that she had it. He had asked her every few minutes if she was okay. Each time she had answered she was fine. He kept asking and instead of annoying her like it may have at one time, it made her feel cared for.
“You okay?”
“You keep asking me that?”
“Give me an answer that works.”
“I don’t think I’m in a position to judge anything right now.”
“You’re missing him.”
“We were getting close to something.”
“He lied to you Mac.”
“Maybe for the right reason.”
“Is there one?”
“No. Not in a relationship.”
“Did you love him?”
“I told him I did. I don’t know if we had a future together. We hardly ever talked about it. We certainly never talked about kids.”
“I don’t know if you realize it, but this week is an anniversary of sorts...five years ago...”
“We’re already there? I knew it was this year, but ...”
“It’s not really the right time to talk about it, but I want you to know that if you want to have a baby in the future the offer still holds. We can do it together like we planned. That’s all I wanted to say. You don’t have to...” he saw the raw emotion in her face and could have kicked himself. “I’m sorry... I shouldn’t have brought it up.”
He started to move away and looked down until he felt her touch his hand and turn back toward him.
“You know men just seem to pass through my life...except you. Will you always be there?”
Harm set up, turned toward her and looked Mac in the eye. With every ounce of conviction in his body and soul he responded, “Yes.”
“I need you to know what the doctor told me...”
Harm took her hand in his and looked her in the eye. “Go ahead.”
“The news isn’t great Harm. I have a condition called endometriosis. It’s a condition that causes the lining of the uterine wall to deteriorate. It’s painful and it gets worse if untreated. Sometimes pregnancy can relieve the symptoms and delay the inevitable. Other times, if it is too advanced, getting pregnant may not be possible and the only thing they can do is remove the uterus...” tears slid down Mac’s face and Harm pulled her to him wiping tears from her face, as he held her to his side with one arm around her while the other held her hand. He rested his face against her hair.
“Sssshhh...Mac. Try to relax...it’s not going to help you to get upset. Now, do they know what stage you are in?”
“Not yet.” She sniffed a little as she snuggled into his shoulder.
“When will we find out?”
“They should have the rest of the lab work and test results on Monday.”
“Then we will go together and hear what the doctor has to say. I won’t let you go through this alone, Mac.”
“You don’t need to Harm...”
“I want to be there for you Mac...there have been so many times when you’ve needed me and I wasn’t there for you. I finally realized that you are the most important thing in my life and it’s time I showed you that...”
“Harm...”
“Sssshhhh...I know its too soon for you and I won’t push...but I’ll be here for you.”
“I didn’t thank you for calling the doctor for me or getting that heating pad on my back the other day...”
“No need...I was glad I could do something to ease your discomfort.”
Mac sat up straighter as they talked, but Harm’s arm was still around her back and his left hand held her right one. Mac smiled to herself. She had been noticing little changes in Harm over the past few months, and during the past couple of weeks she had seen some major changes. This week and tonight he had erased any lingering doubts she had. Harmon Rabb Junior had grown up, wanted a family, had learned to notice the little things that made a difference and left her in no doubt that he still wanted a future with her.
As they sat there talking and sharing the night, the little crack in Mac’s armor that had kept her feelings for Harm in control and packed away this last year, split wide open and all the love she had in her for this man filled her and overwhelmed her. Tears again sprang to her eyes, but these were tears of joy. Unfortunately Harm didn’t know that and when Mac turned to face him with a look of pure love on her face, and tears in her eyes, he misread it.
“Oh Mac...I’m so sorry. I just want to be here for you and try and bring some happiness to your life and as usual I just keep messing things up. I’m so sorry...”
“Harm, no...you aren’t messing things up...it’s just...”
“You’re tired aren’t you?”
“A little...”
“Still uncomfortable?”
“Some...”
“You didn’t drive yourself did you?”
“No, I took a cab...”
“Let me take you home.”
“I’d like that...Harm?”
“Yes?”
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
“Just being here for me...for caring about me.”
“No problem.” Harm smiled and stood up, still holding her hand. “Shall we say goodnight to the others?”
“Yeah...the admiral already left.”
“I know. I saw him looking around as if he was looking for signs that we were going to be alright without him.”
“Are we going to be alright Harm?”
“I think so...if we allow ourselves to be we will. I want us to be okay.”
“So do I...”
“Come on...let’s get you home. You should be taking it easy still.” Harm guided her back into the officers club. They approached the table together. Bud and Harriet were taking a break from dancing and Mike and Jennifer had joined them. Sturgis was sitting there watching people as he often did. “Hey, guys. We’re going to head home.”
Jennifer smiles at the two people that had done so much for her. “Sir, Mattie’s staying at her Dad’s this weekend you know.”
“Yes...It’s a good sign...”
“You’re going to miss having her around.”
“I will...but we’ll stay in touch. How will you get home Jennifer?”
“She’s riding with us, Sir,” Bud offered.
“Very well, Lieutenant Commander Roberts...I know she’ll be in good hands.” They all smiled indulging Harm’s parental concern which had extended to Jennifer Coates despite the fact she had shared parenting duties of Mattie with him. It was if once he got the hang of it, he couldn’t hide away the nurturing care-taker part of him that made him such good parental material.
Harriet and Jennifer shared a smile as they saw Harm put his arm around Sarah Mackenzie in a supportive gesture as they said good-night and he escorted her out. They watched them walk away and the second the door closed, their friends all started talking at once.
“Did you see that?” Jennifer squealed in delight.
“I saw Harm very attentive to his friend who has suffered a shock and loss this week,” rationalized a calm Sturgis, despite his ear to ear grin.
“Sturgis! Are you telling me that you couldn’t feel the love between those two?” asked Harriet.
“I felt more calm between them then I have in the three years I’ve know Mac,” he responded.
“That’s true...you didn’t know Mac before and you didn’t see how they use to be with each other...” Harriet drifted off in thought.
“You know, I didn’t know them before, either,” said Jen, “but when I first met them they seemed so close- like they were falling in love...then everything changed so fast. Tonight is the first time since Bud’s accident that I’ve seen them that close...and happy.”
“You know Jennifer, you’re right,” Bud smiled and joined in to the speculation. “I was there when Mac and Harm met for the first time. There was something there between them right away. I’ve seen them go through so much together and yet this past year, it felt like they had lost everything good in their relationship. Tonight it looked like they found themselves again. You know Webb faked his death once and it brought Mac and Harm closer then - even though Harm was dating someone else at the time. This time it was Mac dating Webb..yet it always seemed to me that Mac was only seeing him because she was trying to prove to herself that she didn’t need Harm.”
“I thought so too, Bud,” agreed Harriet.
“But I think if we leave them alone, Harm and Mac will make it work this time.”
“Even if one of them has to leave JAG?”
“True...the admiral would have fought to keep them both, but with a new JAG coming on board, there are no guarantees. That could be a major obstacle for them.” Harriet and Bud signed and Sturgis shook his head.
“You know,” Jennifer Coates spoke up, “ I had the feeling they were dealing with something big that will make what happens at JAG seem like nothing.”
“I know what you mean. Mac hasn’t been looking well recently. You don’t suppose she’s sick, do you?” Harriet asked.
“I think we need to respect their privacy and let them tell us in their own way when they are ready. We will be there to support them however we can.” Bud spoke with authority and a new sense of accomplishment with his promotion that very evening.
Harm’s SUV
Parking Lot
Naval Academy
Harm had helped Mac get comfortable in her seat and hitched her seat belt before moving around to the driver’s seat. He slid in, buckled his belt and started the vehicle before turning to look at Mac. Her head was back against the headrest, her eyes closed and a small smile on her lips. Harm enjoyed her beautiful face and smiled in return. Although they had a lot to deal with yet and still needed to move slowly, he felt good that they were close again. He loved her, but he knew that it would take time for her to heal from the emotional loss of Webb and the physical problems she was facing. He could wait to tell her how he really felt knowing that she trusted him again and that if nothing else they had their friendship back.
Harm put the vehicle in motion and drove toward Mac’s apartment. It would take close to an hour to get to Mac’s apartment, if the traffic cooperated. He knew she must be exhausted so he hoped she would be able to rest on the drive. For the first ten minutes neither of them spoke.
Harm was focused on his driving but turned toward Mac as he heard her moving. Her eyes were opened and she looked at him with a smile on her face.
“You okay?”
“Yes...for now.” She reached her hand toward Harm’s thigh. She had an overwhelming need to touch him and both his hands were on the steering wheel.
He felt her hand on his thigh and the electricity coursing through his body. He fought to hide it while pleased she would reach out to him for physical contact. He dropped his right hand from the wheel to cover her hand on his leg. He smiled back at her.
“Harm, I don’t deserve to have you beside me like this after all I’ve put us through this past year.”
“Mac, don’t try to take all the blame. I own a huge chunk of it.”
“We’ve both made mistakes...uuhhh...” Mac groaned as her cramps returned again briefly.
“Mac?” Harm was alarmed when he heard her groan.
“I’m okay Harm...just another cramp. It’s gone now.”
“Sure?”
“Yeah...I just want to go home. You know, the thing I’ll miss the most about Webb is the way he would just hold me sometimes...”
“Would it help if I held you tonight - or would it make it worse?”
“You’d do that for me?”
“Yes...I can’t imagine you should be alone tonight Mac...and I’m not sure I could stand to be far from you anyway.”
They traveled the rest of the way in silence, Mac’s hand resting on Harm’s thigh and his hand covering hers when he could spare it from driving. Finally he pulled into the parking area for Mac’s apartment. He shut off the car, grabbed his sea bag that he kept in the back and went around to help Mac out of the car. He locked the door and turned back toward Mac just in time to see her knees start to give out on her. Harm quickly wrapped his arm around her waist.
“Whoa...I’ve got you...that was close. You want me to carry you?”
“No! No...I’ll be okay with a little support. I didn’t realize how shaky I was.”
“Just lean on me okay?”
Slowly they made their way to the elevator. Harm kept Mac at his side and she leaned her head against his shoulder. At her apartment door, Harm used his key that she had given him long ago to let them in. Mac smiled at him.
“I’m glad you still have that...I think I forgot my keys...”
“I don’t think I’ve ever used it before...” Harm held her as she stepped out of her shoes. “Why don’t you go get comfortable?”
“Okay...”
“You’ll be okay?”
“I think so...Harm?”
“Yes?”
“Could you make me a cup of tea?”
“Sure...herbal?”
“Yes...I’d like to just sit on the couch and sip tea and cuddle for awhile. I don’t want to go to sleep yet.”
“Okay...go...”
Mac went into the bedroom and bathroom to change out of her uniform. By the time she finished using the bathroom and changing, the living room seemed so far away. Just then she heard Harm knock.
“Mac?”
“Come on in Harm.”
“I thought maybe you might want to have your tea in here...” his voice trailed off as he saw her standing next to her bed wearing a leopard print slip nightie.
“Yeah...I think maybe I should.”
“Crawl into bed and get comfortable. I’ll put your tea on the table right here. Need any help?”
Mac smiled at him as she settled against the pillows on her bed propped against the headboard. Harm pulled the covers over her and tucked them around her.
“Harm?”
“Yes?”
“Why don’t you change into sweats or something and come sit with me?”
“Let me grab my things. I’ll be right back.”
Harm was as good as his word. He grabbed his tea, his cut off sweatpants and a tank top. He used the head and changed as quickly as he could and then sat next to Mac on her bed.
Mac watched him and looked at his legs as he swung them up on the bed along side her. Harm saw her looking at his legs and smiled.
“See something of interest?”
“Yes...I was thinking that my old nickname for you doesn’t fit anymore.”
“Flyboy?”
“No...Stickboy...”
“Oh that one...its been a long time since you’ve called me that.”
“You’ve filled out...you work out more now don’t you?”
“Yes...I’ve started running some marathons and you got me hooked on kick-boxing.”
“You lift weights too, don’t you?”
“Yes...”
Mac turned toward him and then gasped.
“Mac?” Harm slid his arm behind her back and tried to support her.
“I’m okay...just a catch when I turned.”
“Come on...I promised you some cuddle time. Put you head on my shoulder and let me hold you.”
Mac settled herself against Harm and he reached over to turn the light down next to the bed.
The End