Title: Understanding the Gulf
Author: Hollyjp
Author’s Notes: This started out as a look at the dynamics that were addresses between Harm and Sturgis during the episode Bridging the Gulf. From there it took off on its own. I guess it could be considered alternate universe but I’m attempting to fill in the gaps in the remaining season ten episodes as we saw them. Why would I do this? Well things took on new meaning when I watched the episodes again with each one a little less painful at times. I also plan to continue Harm and Mac’s story a little longer then Fair Winds and Following Seas, although I have no intention of doing another “Life in London.” Been there - done that. I hope you enjoy this trip through time and a glimpse of their future together.
Spoilers: Everything up to and including the season 10 episode Bridging the Gulf. References to some of the good stuff in the season 10 episodes that followed.
Disclaimer: JAG is the property of Bellisario Productions, CBS, and Paramount. I have borrowed their characters for entertainment purposes only. No monetary gain will result from their appearance in my story.
Understanding the Gulf
PART 1
It had been a rough week yet it seemed that something good may have come from it. Right now other then qualifying to fly F-18's he wasn’t entirely sure what it was. He had tried to reach Mac during his layover before catching transport back to Andrews Air Force Base but had ended up settling for a voice mail message. He had no idea if she had gotten the message or not.
Creswell had the helicopter pick him up in Falls Church when he departed so his car was still at Headquarters. He was hoping that Mac would be able to get away and drop his car off for him or it would be an additional expense to get home. He smiled to himself as the wheels hit the tarmac and admitted that he really just wanted to see Mac and hoped she would be here to welcome him home.
At the terminal where families were able to say their good-byes to their loved ones when they departed and hoped to be when they returned, stood a woman with shoulder length dark hair dressed in jeans, sweater and leather jacket nervously waiting and hoping that plans hadn’t changed. When she had first heard the message from Harm, she had been angry that he had presumed on their friendship.
By the time she had gotten home, she had cooled off and put things in perspective. Mac had listened to his message right after Vukovic had made his parting shot and left her office. That’s what had her upset she realized later, not Harm’s call. She had dialed in and played the voice mail message again and realized she still had time to make it to Andrews to meet Harm, just not time to go back to Headquarters to get his car for him.
Mac had quickly changed out of her uniform and into jeans before she returned to her car and headed for Andrews. Now she watched as one of the transport planes touched down. She hoped Harm was on this one. He had not been on the last two.
Harm stepped off the plane and tossed his sea bag higher onto his shoulder along with his other shoulder bag. He was looking toward the parking lot trying to see if he could spot his car, but it was just dark enough that he couldn’t be sure. He followed the other guys into the terminal area and watched their reunions with their families that had been able to get away to greet them. He felt a pang of envy for just a split second until he spotted her.
He tried to play it cool, but he couldn’t contain the smile when she smiled his way.
“Hey Mac. This is a nice surprise. I didn’t put you out too much did I?” Harm asked as he reached her and let his bags slide to the floor for a minute. Part of him wanted to hold her and part of him wanted to hurry her away so they could talk. God did he need to talk to her about the things that happened on this trip.
“Not much...actually I was in a snit when I got your message and I had to play it again after I got home...so I didn’t bring your car, I’m sorry.” Mac apologized as he stood there smiling on her.
“Its okay...I assume you’re willing to give me a ride home?”
“Of course...actually, I wondered if you have any plans for dinner.”
“Not really...I was thinking a shower would feel pretty good about now, but if you can stand it, I guess I can.”
“I can stand it, but I know how good it feels to get home and shower and put on real clothes after being at sea. How ‘bout I take you home and while you shower and change I’ll order out for us?”
“Sure.”
“There’s some things that happened while you were gone I’d like to talk to you about if you don’t mind.”
“Not at all. Shall we go?” At her nod, Harm hoisted his bags again and walked with Mac to her corvette. Stowing his gear he slid into the passenger side and leaned back to watch her drive.
She was so beautiful but that was also obvious and what anyone looking at her could see. Mac was more then that. She was intelligent, warm, sensitive, loyal, and fun to be around. He loved to push himself to keep up with her and loved it when he bested her. He also was full of pride when she bested him because he knew she was the best. He sighed.
“Tired?” Mac asked from the driver’s seat.
“Not really. Just thinking I guess.”
“Cause if you are I can wait to talk to you,” Mac started backing out of their plans.
“Mac, stop. I’m not tired. I want to hear what you have to say and there are some things I need to run by you too.”
“Okay...want to start talking now?”
“It can wait.”
“You sure...I mean you were obviously deep in thought judging by the sigh.”
“First, did you see Sturgis when he got back?”
“Not to talk to really. You two still going at it?”
“You could say that.”
“Harm, I thought you two were such close friends at Annapolis. What happened?”
Leave it to Mac to hit the nail on the head right away Harm thought. He had tried to tell her once before that they had grown apart, but she had taken it to mean that he thought they had grown apart. Harm knew that was only part of the story.
“Mac, ever hear the expression, familiarity breeds contempt?” Harm asked.
“Yes.”
“I think that in away, that’s what happened to Sturgis and me. Neither one of us was willing to admit it or even acknowledge it at first, but things have happened since he joined us here at JAG that have taken the remnants of our friendship and destroyed what little of it was really there.”
“This sounds like it could be a heavy conversation. Things blow up on the Kennedy when Sturgis got there?”
“You could say that. I mean we kept it civil at first. I said I was glad to see him and he said he was glad to be there. I knew from his tone that he was lying and told him so.”
“Harm, you didn’t!”
“I wasn’t rude, just matter of fact. We both knew he was sent there and had a job to do. I respect that. I also knew that as much as I hoped you would be there, that it wouldn’t be right...we’ve known each other too long and worked too closely together. They even questioned Sturgis at first, asking him if he could be impartial enough to do the job. We both knew he wouldn’t cut me any slack, and I hoped he would be fair.”
“He wasn’t though was he?”
“No...he weighed all the facts and recommended an Article 32 for negligent homicide even though the facts didn’t add up to that conclusion. I had more support from the Captain of the Iraqi’s that was on board, then I did Sturgis.”
“How did you handle it when you got his report, Harm?” Mac asked as she pulled into the alley by Harm’s apartment.
“I’ll tell you that later. Come on....there’s a shower waiting for me.”
Harm collected his things and Mac grabbed her handbag she had tossed in the back seat when she left her apartment. Together they made their way to the loft, Mac taking his key to unlock the door so he didn’t have to put things down an extra time.
“Pizza okay?” she asked as he made his way to his bedroom to drop his things.
“Sure, as long as they send a salad with it.”
“Got it.”
Harm grabbed clean underwear and jeans before stripping off his uniform and dropping it on his bed. In his boxers and t-shirt he grabbed his clothes before stripping the rest off while his shower warmed up. He brushed his teeth, shaved and showered in minutes. Drying off quickly, he pulled on the clean boxer briefs and jeans before heading to his bedroom. Mac was sitting on his bed, removing the fruit salad from his uniform.
“Sorry...hope you don’t mind my coming up here. I figured you might have left your shirt on your bed and thought you wouldn’t mind...”
“Thanks...that was nice of you.” Harm smiled as he stepped past her and grabbed a shirt from his closet and slipped it on, only buttoning the three buttons in the middle. Mac swallowed as she watched him. Hearing the elevator she headed to see if it was the pizza delivery.
Harm watched her. Mac was nervous about something...but then again she was more open then she had been in a long while with him. He found his hopes rising again.
He headed for the kitchen pleased to see the bottled water and soft drinks in the refrigerator waiting, all chilled. “Soda or water Mac?”
“Diet Coke?”
“Got it.” He grabbed two plus two glasses, two plates, two napkins, two knives and two forks. He set them on the dining room table just as the pizza and salad arrived.
While they are, Harm decided to try and get Mac to open up about what was bothering her.
“So how was your week?”
“Interesting...another of Creswell’s new folks arrived. Lt. Gregory Vukovic.”
“He give you a bad time?”
“He was a challenge...but I think I can handle him.”
“Mac, what aren’t you telling me?”
“Harm, you’ve done some crazy things when you’ve defended your clients. How did you know if you were crossing the line?”
“I never was sure, but I decided how far to push based on how deeply I believed in what I was doing and why. Are you questioning the new guy or yourself?”
“Maybe both.”
“Mac, you know the law. You are a great lawyer and you did a great job as a judge. Why are you second guessing yourself?” Harm covered her hand on the table between them silently demanding with his eyes that she look at him.
She did. She also visibly relaxed. “The new guy did something that I challenged him on. I’m not sure how far he would have gone but as it was, perhaps what he did was the right thing to do. Still, I told him that what he did was unethical and that if he did it again I’d report him.”
“Sounds like the right decision.”
“Yeah, but then he turned around and said I would never report him because I liked what he did. I told him not to bet his career on it, but Harm...he was right.” Mac pulled her hand from Harm’s and used it to take a bite of her pizza.
“About you not reporting him?”
“No...about me liking what he did. It made the difference between winning or losing my case, but what bothers me is I’m not sure why I liked what he did.”
“I’m not following you Mac.”
“Did I like it because it was innovative or because it helped my record...or because it reminded me of you when we first met?”
Harm smiled. This was the closest Mac had come in a long time to admitting that she liked him. It pleased him.
“Does it matter?”
“Yes...but I’m not sure I can explain why.” Mac admitted.
“You don’t have to. But if you have doubts feel free to run things by me anytime. We can figure it out together, okay?” Harm asked, once again capturing her hand in his.
“Yeah...we still make a hell of a team.”
“That we do.”
They finished their dinner and then moved to the living room for coffee and to finish filling Mac in on Harm’s experience with Sturgis.
Mac picked up Harm’s hands and looked at his knuckles. Harm watched her unsure what she was doing. “Looks like you didn’t anything or else you healed fast.”
Harm chuckled then. He captured one of Mac’s hands in his as they sat there talking. It felt right to him and she didn’t seem to mind.
“I walked in to the war room and threw his report at him. I told him it was thorough and unbiased right up to this conclusion. Then I accused him of seeing an opportunity to take me down and jumping on it.”
“Oh Harm.”
“We got in each other’s faces and I’ll admit I wanted to deck him but I knew I was right and that there had to be a way to clear myself, as long as I didn’t end up in the brig...I didn’t have you there to watch my six, so I had to keep a level head.” Harm smiled at Mac and he fell a little more in love with her when he saw the tender caring look she gave him.
“I told Sturgis that he’d had a problem with me ever since he came to JAG and we might as well bring it out in the open. He told me I was arrogant, condescending and jealous because he was tapped for the interim JAG over me.”
“Well...”
“I told him he was right Mac, but I told him that I lived with it. He told me I never supported him and I reminded him that we would have all been there for him and most of us gave him the benefit of the doubt until he sabotaged himself being a tight ass sanctimonious prig!”
“Harm you didn’t!”
“I did. I’ve seethed ever since I found out he said that to you and I finally had a chance to throw it back at him.”
“Obviously you found a way to clear yourself.”
“Yeah, the Iraqi Captain on board the ship helped me talk to the fisherman and got him to admit that he had been set up and that the plane was in fact going down. We were able to get him out and his family will eventually be able to join him. The prime minister and his pilot that I had been accused of murdering were found. The terrorists had slit their throats and they were dead. They never were on the plane.”
“So once again you were a hero.”
“Mac...”
“I know...you were just doing your job. Still not everyone goes to the same lengths as you do. I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks Mac.” Harm watched as Mac lifted his hand in hers and held it to her face for a few seconds.
“What did Sturgis say after you cleared your name?”
“He told me he was glad it turned out well for me and I told him I believed him. He said he guessed we were still swapping lies and I said I guessed he was right.”
“Harm its said to see what was once a good friendship fall apart this way.”
“Mac, it was never that good of a friendship...not a real friendship. We’ve always been rivals. The bigger the stakes got the nastier things got between us. I’m not proud of my part in it all...and Sturgis was right when he said I was arrogant and jealous. I don’t think I was condescending...sarcastic, yeah...and I’m not proud of that either.”
“You’ve always admitted when you were wrong Harm...and some of that arrogance is self-confidence, as you’ve pointed out to me on several occasions.”
“What’s this? Are you coming to my defense?” Harm tried to tease Mac to lighten the mood.
“What if I am?”
“I’m not sure I deserve it.”
“Let me be the judge of that, okay?” Mac smiled as she leaned against his arm.
Harm lifted his arm up and settled her against his side instead.
“I still feel like this thing with you and Sturgis happened overnight.”
“It didn’t Mac...think back to when he first came here. Remember how he wasn’t going to run in the Jagathon even though he knew he could beat us all hands down?”
“Yeah...”
“Remember how he butted in with Bud and I was so worried he would realize that we had something special between us that I made things worse?”
“Yeah...he and I got into in the bull pen and I pointed out that he wasn’t any better then what he accused us of.”
“Good girl...of course he’s probably held that over you ever since.”
“Yeah...a long with something else I let slip to him one time...of course I told him he’d pay if he let that slip...and I don’t think he’s ever broken his word on that.”
“You going to share that secret with me?” Harm asked Mac as he looked down at her upturned face and realized how much he wanted to kiss her.
“Not yet...but I might someday.”
“Okay...anyway, Bud told me that Sturgis was pretty angry when I left the Navy and that he took it out on both of you.”
“He even admitted once that he never realized how much heat you took for all of us until you weren’t there. I thought Sturgis stayed in touch with you, though.”
“He stopped by a few times to see me, but it was mostly to whine about how much work he had with me being gone. When he knew for sure that I wasn’t taking kindly to his attitude about the situation, he stopped coming around.”
“You too have a love hate relationship, don’t you?”
“No....we have a tolerance to intolerance relationship. And as I said, the higher the stakes, at least in his eyes, the worse it becomes between us.”
“But you guys use to hang out and work on your Corvette together,” Mac reminded him still trying to understand the rift between these two intelligent men.
“Even when we worked on my car, he would rub my face in something he could do that I couldn’t. His pleasure was and always been at being better then someone. I know he and his father use to really get into it over Sturgis’ attitude at times.”
“But Harm, he gave you the top for your Corvette.”
“Yes, and then sent me the bill. Bet you didn’t know that part.”
“Harm, did he know how frantic you were going to get over having the car disappear again?”
“I’m sure of it.”
“Things are starting to make more sense to me now...about that anyway.” Mac yawned.
“Wow!, Mac I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it had gotten this late. You want to stay over?”
“You wouldn’t mind?”
“Promise not to rattle around and clean my gun tonight?” Harm teased.
“I promise.”
“Why don’t you go get ready for bed, and climb right in. The sheets are clean. I’ll grab another blanket and sleep on the top.”
“Harm its your bed, you should be able to sleep in your own sheets. I’ll take the blanket and sleep on top.”
“Have it your way. I’m tired enough tonight that you could crawl in with me and I wouldn’t know the difference.” Harm admitted when he yawned as she had done.
Mac thought about Harm’s words as she got ready for bed, stripping down to her underpants and one of Harm’s t-shirts. By the time she came out of the bathroom, Harm was already under the covers with his back to her. She hesitated for only a second before she crawled in beside Harm and turned her back to him.
Mac knew that they might both have other ideas when they awoke the next morning but like Harm she was tired enough to go right to sleep tonight. Hearing his deep even breathing she knew he was already asleep, so she turned and let herself creep closer to his warmth. He had turned on his back and she watched him sleep in the dim light until sleep claimed her too.
PART 2
Harm slowly woke up first becoming conscious of a weight on his arm and chest. He tried to move his fingers but nothing happened. Alarmed at the pressure he was feeling on one side of his body, his eyes flew open. Gingerly he looked toward his right side. The stumble on his chin caught in the dark brown hair covering the top of a head belonging to non-other then his partner. Smiling he called her name softly. She stirred but continued sleeping so he tried again.
“Mac...its time to wake up. I need you to move off my arm.” He waited but nothing. Great, now what do I do he thought. Carefully he extracted himself out from under her, shut off the alarm glad he had thought to set it the night before and headed for the bathroom. He showered, shaved and took care of his other bathroom routines before returning to the bedroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. He had decided during his shower that it was probably best that they didn’t wake up together in bed. With her sleeping and nature calling he had been able to walk away from her this morning. If she had been awake, and not ready to wring his neck, he might have been tempted to move them forward once again.
He finished dressing in his uniform so he could report in to Headquarters this morning before the staff meeting. It would be the first time he would face Creswell after nearly getting run out of the Navy. He was determined to keep an open mind and see how his commanding officer dealt with him. Glancing at the clock he knew he needed to wake Mac up.
“Mac...do you have a uniform in your car? Mac?”
“I’m awake. Whoa, you’re already dressed for JAG. What time is it?” Mac asked sitting up and looking around a little dazed.
“It’s zero six thirty. Do you have a uniform with you?” Harm asked again choosing not to tease her about her lack of time awareness for the moment.
“No...I’m sorry...do you mind if I swing by the apartment before I take you to JAG?”
“Of course not. Would you like breakfast?”
“Not yet...thanks...I’ll be right with you.” Mac slid out of bed and dashed into the bathroom.
“Shower if you want Mac, then you’ll only have to change your clothes at your place.”
“Okay...Harm, why don’t you drive my car and then while I run in and change you can run down to the corner and grab us coffee and muffins or something for breakfast?”
“Sure.” Harm headed for the kitchen to put together some lunch for them from the left over salad and pizza from the previous night.
Twenty minutes later they were in the car and headed toward Georgetown. They made good time as it was still early. Another half hour and the city streets would be full. As Mac hopped out in front of her apartment she left her breakfast order.
“I want a cinnamon hazelnut cappuccino and a raspberry walnut muffin. See you soon!” she called as she shut the door and dashed upstairs.
Harm shook his head and eased down the street to the coffee shop Mac loved. He ordered himself a plain black coffee and Mac’s calorie loaded cup and then turned to order the muffins. They were out of her requested kind but he spotted the cinnamon chip muffins that he knew she also enjoyed. He even indulged and order one for himself.
Circling around the block he pulled up as Mac came out of her door and down the steps.
“Was that good timing or were watching for me?” Harm asked as she slid in.
“Good timing, of course.”
“You timing was a little off when you woke up this morning though wasn’t it?”
“I knew...”
“Don’t even try it Mac,” Harm laughed. “I called you several times before you actually stirred...I even had to crawl out from under you so I know you were sleeping soundly...and I’m not surprised if you lost track of time.”
“Well, maybe for a few seconds,” Mac admitted as she sipped her cappuccino. “Perfect.”
“I couldn’t get your Raspberry walnut muffin. I hope the cinnamon chip I got instead is okay.”
“Good choice. Thanks again. You know Harm, I’ve been thinking. Creswell needs to hear from you exactly what went down with Sturgis on the Kennedy. I don’t think he’s got a clear picture of what’s going on.”
“Mac, when the time is right, Creswell will know it all. Until then, I plan to take the high road and not let Sturgis suck me under.”
“Admiral Chegwidden would be proud of you,” Mac told him as they stepped off the elevator and headed for their offices.
“See you at staff meeting I guess,” Harm told her as he dropped his things in his office, grabbed his file, and went to meet with the General. “Good morning Coates. The General ready to see me?”
“Morning Commander Rabb. He said for you to knock when you arrived.”
Harm nodded his appreciation to Coates and wrapped his fist on the door. “Commander Rabb reporting as ordered sir.”
“At ease Commander. Have a seat and tell me what you didn’t put in your report.”
“Sir?”
“Commander, I’ve been around enough to know that you and Commander Turner have a history and although it may seem friendly on the surface I suspect its anything but. Now, there were things I’d like to know that didn’t show up in either of your written reports.”
“Aye, aye sir. Commander Turner and I got some things on the table.”
“Details Commander...did you punch him?”
“No sir.”
“Did he punch you?”
“No sir.”
“Didn’t think so...but my guess is you wanted to clean his clock.”
“I did sir, but my career isn’t worth it even though I’ve got a lot of dings in my file.”
“Do you see yourself making Captain eventually?”
“I use to sir, but I know it would be highly unlikely due to the six months blank in my file and some of the things I’ve done.”
“You do know that you would probably need to take an overseas command to obtain captain’s rank?”
“Yes sir. Sir, do you think that committee would even consider me?” Harm asked, surprised at where Creswell was taking the conversation.
“Commander, if you had asked me if I thought I would be in this seat a year ago, I would have given you a flat no. However, politicians like people that can rise to the occasion and stand their ground. For a Squid, you’re a stand up guy. You’re respected by both Marines and Navy. You push the limits and you’ve got good instincts. So yes, Commander, I do think you have a chance.”
“Thank you sir.”
“Commander, did your mother ever tell you that she hoped someday you’d have a child that put you through what you put her through?”
“Yes General I think she has made a statement sort of like that.” Harm grinned enjoying this side of his CO.
“Well, on behalf of Admiral Chegwidden and myself, I hope when you do take a command billet you are blessed with men and women such as yourself. That would be the best revenge the Marine Corps and Navy could get on you.”
“Yes sir.” Harm had to even cringe at that thought. “About this thing between Commander Turner and myself, sir, let me reassure you that you won’t have a problem from me.”
“Understood Commander. See you at Staff meeting. Dismissed.”
“Aye, aye sir.” Harm came to attention and then executed a snap turn and walked out of the General’s office.
Ten minutes later
Conference Room
Harm held the door open so that Lt. Commander Roberts, Lt. Colonel Mackenzie, and Lt. Vukovic could enter before him. Commander Sturgis Turner was already there and seated to the left of where the General would be if he sat down. Sometimes the man chose to pace or lean on the back of his chair.
Harm and Sturgis simply stated each others first name to acknowledge the other. Mac was more warmly greeted by Sturgis.
“So Mac, did you keep the young ones in line while we were gone?”
“I did my best Commander Turner. I’m sure you would have done better.”
Harm looked at Mac a little surprised to hear her pushing Turner’s buttons.
“They at least showed some respect for my authority while I served as JAG. Of course neither of you handled me being picked by Admiral Chegwidden over you ver well.”
“Not true, Sturgis,” Harm jumped in. “Although you handled things by the book, you lacked the confidence and...guts...to ever have a shot at the job for long. If Admiral Chegwidden had any idea it was going to take them as long to tap the new JAG, he would have made a different choice, and I don’t mean Mac or myself, either.”
“That’s right Sturgis. You were the next highest ranking officer on staff after us. I was dealing with medical issues, and Harm was dealing with other personal issues at the time. Neither of us would have been able to handle the job when we needed to step up and take it. Both of us however had filled in off and on over the years,” Mac added.
General Creswell’s arrival brought them all to their feet and ended the debate which Lt. Commander Roberts and the new junior officers had been following assiduously.
It soon became evident that General Creswell had heard more of the discussion that they realized.
“I realized that this office was over burdened shortly after my arrival. As you know I have added some additional junior staff members which I feel have a fire in their bellies and will be ready to move forward under the able guidance of our senior staff. Many of you have been here an inordinate amount of time and as I have mentioned to some of you, promotion boards are coming up soon and with it, will come new billets. Unlike Admiral Chegwidden, I feel that we need to move our strongest leaders onto new billets so they may further develop our field staff. That is why I have testing many of you. I don’t believe in everything I read in your files and I don’t believe everything you tell me. I like to set up situations that test your mettle.”
Creswell paused as he looked over the team of lawyers he now had working under his command. Seeing that a few were chomping at the bit to ask questions, he held up his hand signaling them to wait to he was finished.
“In a command position, you must not assume the worst about your staff and you need to keep an open mind. Take me for example. Commander Roberts was involved in two incidents in a short period of time after I arrived here that led me to believe he had an anger management problem. Had I not kept an open mind, then I would have missed out on all the talent the man has and probably not considered him my first choice to take over as Chief of Staff. Admiral Chegwidden saw the things in this man which I took at face value until I had seen it for myself. He was the first one that reminded me why I needed to keep an open mind.”
Harm and Mac looked at Bud and gave him the silent thumbs up with their smiles proud to know that their commanding officer saw in him what they had seen for years.
“Now Colonel Mackenzie, this doesn’t mean I don’t think you’re doing an excellent job. As I’ve told you, I think you’ve done well to maintain your Marine outlook, while being surrounded by a bunch of squids.” Creswell smiled and they chuckled at his response.
“Colonel, I do want you to begin training Commander Roberts to step into your shoes. You have been here at JAG a long time and you are in line for your own command. When that time arrives I want a smooth transition.”
“Aye, aye sir.”
“Commander Rabb, as I told you earlier, your file read like a cross between fiction and fantasy. If I had listened to some of your colleagues and taken your file at face value...well lets say your future would not have looked to encouraging. However, I soon recognized the fire in your belly as well. Great leaders have to take risks, and you have done that more then most. Going out on a limb is apt to land you in rough waters at times. When it happens, how you handle it is what makes the difference between a leader and his team. You have done that while keeping your eye on what is fair and just as you’ve gone after the truth.”
“Thank you sir.”
“Now, when I came in there was a rather lively debate going on between Commanders Rabb and Turner and Colonel Mackenzie. Here is a lesson for all of you,” Creswell paused as he looked around the table. “Commander Rabb recently faced an investigation as a result of a decision he made. His expectation was that he would be served in the same light as those who he has served. It didn’t happen quite that way but fortunately his focus on finding the truth led him to be able to prove that he had made the right decision. I would expect each of you to go to the same lengths you would want someone to go for you, if it was you in the hot seat. That’s what separates a truly good litigator from the rest. Some of you had questions.”
“Sir,” spoke up Commander Roberts, “Are we to expect that both Commander Rabb and Colonel Mackenzie will be leaving JAG soon?”
“I would expect that to happen sooner then later, although there is nothing specific at this time.”
“Yes sir. It will seem strange around here without them.”
“I’m sure it will, but as I said, they’ve paid their dues here at Headquarters and both deserve their own commands.”
“Am I to take it that you are not recommending me for the Captain’s boards, sir?” asked Commander Turner.
“Not at this time.”
“Yes sir.”
“Does that mean that we can expect to be here at JAG for awhile, General?” asked Lt. Vukovic.
“Not necessarily, although as I said I believe you’ve shown a fire in your belly and I’m willing to try to provide you with role models and guidance to guide you. I see a lot of the fire in you that others saw in Rabb. I’m hoping that with the right kind of guidance you will develop the potential the way I feel Commander Rabb has. How you balance ethics and guts will be the deciding factor.”
“I see.”
“I hope you do,” muttered Mac.
“Colonel?”
“Yes sir. I was saying that I also hope that the Lieutenant shows those same characteristics.”
“Very good. Well...now that we’ve taken care of this, I’ll hear your status reports.”
That Evening
JAG Parking Lot
“Harm, are you doing anything this evening?” Mac asked as they stepped out of the building.
“Nothing special.”
“Have dinner with me at my place this evening?”
“Sure. I need to go home first. What time you want me there?”
“Two hours enough time?”
“Plenty.”
“See you then.”
Harm watched from his rearview mirror as Mac pulled out of her spot and headed home. He had a feeling that Mac wanted to process with him all that the General had told them today even thought they still didn’t know specifics. He knew he needed to talk to her too. Although he was encouraged by the fact that she had come to pick him up at the air field, and that she had stayed the night in his bed, he wasn’t convinced she was really ready to hear what he had to say to her.
“Take it slow and easy Rabb. Take little steps and let her get use to the idea that you’re moving closer to her. No surprises,” he cautioned himself.
Harm went home and changed. He called Mattie to check in with her.
“Hi Harm. When did you get back?”
“Last night actually.”
“Must have been late.”
“Why’s that?”
“Usually you call me as soon as your back.”
“Well, I wasn’t that late, but Mac picked me up at the air field and we spent the evening talking.”
“Just talking?”
“Mattie...” Harm warned with a smile in his voice. He had to admit he kind of liked it when Mattie teased him about Mac. “Yes. Actually she’s invited me to her place for dinner tonight.”
“I see.” Harm could hear the laughter in Mattie’s voice.
“So how are the flying lessons going?”
“Good so far. I learn more from you though.”
“Maybe I can get out there this weekend and take you up if the weather holds,” Harm offered.
“Will you bring Mac too?”
“Do you want me to?”
“Yes. We thought we should get to know each other better.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. We’ve got you in common for starters.”
“I’ll ask her tonight.”
“Are you going to ask her on a real date anytime soon?”
“Depends on whether or not she’s ready to start dating again. She’s had a rough year, Mattie.”
“I know. You have too though.”
“Nah, I had you.”
“Still do in a way.”
“Good.”
“Hey, I’m going to let you go. Dad and Kevin just drove in with dinner.”
“Let me guess...pizza?”
“No...Chinese tonight.”
“Well I’m glad you’ve broadened your tastes.”
“Goodnight Harm...give Mac a hug for me.”
Harm listened to the dial tone in his ear. Mattie made him happy. He enjoyed her company. He felt like he was worth something again after she came into his life during that dark time. He shook off the somber mood and got his things together to go to Mac’s. He was glad it was Friday night and neither of them were on duty tomorrow.
PART 3
Mac’s Apartment
Georgetown
“Come on in,” Mac greeted him when she opened the door to his knock.
Harm smiled and stepped inside her cozy apartment. On a whim he leaned down and buzzed her cheek with his lips. “Oh yeah, Mattie said to give you a hug for her,” Harm informed Mac as he slipped off his jacket and dropped it on the back of the chair. He turned to see Mac opening her arms to him. He swallowed then smiled as he stepped close to her and caught her up in a hug holding her tight for a few seconds before releasing her and stepping back.
“How is she?”
“Good. I’m going out to see her Sunday if the weather holds. Want to come along?”
“You don’t mind?”
“Not at all. We’d both like you to spend more time with us.”
“Then I’d love to go. What time do you want to leave on Sunday?” Mac asked.
“Early. If I’m going to take ‘Sarah’ out I want to be in the air by eleven. Want to back out?”
“No way. Harm...what did you think about the things Creswell said today?”
“I think he’s right in a lot of ways. We both knew this day could come. I wasn’t sure if I had a chance for Captain anymore, until I talked to him this morning.”
“That’s been a dream for a long time hasn’t it?”
“Yes. But I’m not sure it’s the most important thing in my life anymore.”
“I know.”
“Mac, I’m not pushing you or anything...but I’d like to start taking some small steps and see where we are.”
“I know...I can’t explain why I’m hesitating.”
“I think I can. Shall I give it a try?”
“Yes.”
“We’ve gotten close a few times before, but every time something or someone has needed my attention and I’ve put personal needs and desires on the back burner to tend to what ever it was. I did that for years and it became a bad habit. Chegwidden made me realize that Mac.”
“And now?”
“I know there are times I need to reach out to other people - for them as well as me. Besides that, I know what I want out of life...but I’m afraid if I go too slow or too fast I’ll ruin everything. Do you understand what I’m saying to you?”
“I think so.”
“I hope so Mac...I want to give you the space you need and let you come to me when you are ready, but I think its time that I started to open up to you and not protect myself as much where you’re concerned.”
“Why do you feel you have to protect yourself from me...and no jokes this time Harm.”
“Because it matters so much to me that we want the same things.”
“And if we do?” Mac asked breathlessly.
“Then it really will be time to let go,” Harm stated simply.
Mac nodded and indicated that Harm should have a seat at the table. They enjoyed a comfortable meal chatting easily, not letting things get complicated or heavy. Harm had been hoping that things would move forward tonight but he knew as Mac talked that she still wasn’t ready to take that step. After they cleaned up after their meal, Harm reached for his coat.
“You’re leaving?” Mac asked.
“It’s getting late.”
“Okay, its just...”
“Just what Mac. Talk to me.” Harm watched the expression dance across her beautiful face and he knew she was weighing her options.
“Its nothing. I’ll see you in the morning?” Mac checked.
“Zero seven hundred.” Harm brushed Mac’s cheek with his lips before he left her apartment and whistled as he strolled down the hall.
0706 Local
Georgetown
Mac was waiting for Harm when he pulled up in his Lexus the next morning. “Sorry I’m late.”
“It’s okay. It’s nice out this morning. Almost feels like winter is over.”
“Not according to the forecast for tonight. Suppose to snow again.”
“I know...just let me pretend a little while, okay?”
“Fair enough. Want coffee?”
“No thanks...maybe later.”
Mac and Harm listened to music and chatted on the drive to Blacksburg, Virginia keeping things light-hearted and fun. They both needed a relaxed stressful day. Mattie was waiting for them when they arrived at the house she shared with her father. It still needed some repairs, but they were putting all their extra effort into Grace Aviation trying to keep it going. Mattie ran down the steps to meet them, and was hugging Harm before he even got out of the Lexus.
“Hello to you too, Mathilda Grace,” Harm chuckled at the enthusiastic welcome.
“Hi. Hi Mac.”
“Hello Mattie. I hope you don’t mind me tagging along.”
“No way! This is great. You may want to use the restroom here before we go out to the hangar. Dad’s working on the plumbing out today. A friend of his came over to help.”
“Good idea,” Harm agreed as he followed Mattie and Mac into the house. “I take it the business is picking up.”
“Dad said he’s out straight everyday while I’m at school. By the time I get there after school and check out the books, put in the orders, and confirm the schedules I don’t have time to help him. After we get home and eat, I have to hit the books.”
“Doesn’t sound like you have much time for Kevin these days,” Harm teased.
“Don’t rub it in,” she shot Harm a glaring look, before her grin broke through. “We do still find the time to see each other. Speaking of which...” Mattie gave them a pointed look glancing back and forth between the Harm and Mac. “This is a good sign, right?”
“It’s a great sign that we’ll have a chance to get to know each other better,” Mac added easily side-stepping the teenagers hints. She had practice with Chloe who made Mattie seem like an innocent amateur by comparison.
“Shall we head to the hangar,” Harm asked after they had all used the head.
“Let’s go!” Mattie called slipping into the backseat and leaning forward resting her elbows on the seat between Harm and Mac as they sat up front. “I took my written test and passed it.”
“Your flying test?” Mac asked.
“Yes. Now I’ve passed the written test, I’m going to be able to do more when I take lessons, like take-offs and landings. Right Harm?”
“That’s right. And you better let me know so we can be here when you’re ready to solo. Right Mac?”
“That’s right. I wouldn’t want to miss it either.”
Grace Aviation
Blacksburg, Virginia
Mac followed Mattie and Harm around the Stearman as they performed their pre-flight check. She couldn’t resist teasing Harm a little.
“Mattie, did you check the fuel pump line? Harm sometimes forgets that one.”
“Once...and you’re not going to let me live it down are you?” Harm grinned shaking his finger at Mac.
“Probably not, Crash.”
“Crash! That’s not even fair.”
“Think about it Harm...I went flying with you the first time and you had to set that thing down in a postage stamp sized field; then I’m with you in Russia and we had to eject; and then I climb into a plane with you in Paraguay and what happens - we crash. Are you sure you want to go up with Mattie?” Mac asked while Harm shook his head and moved to the other side of the airplane.
“Mattie, why don’t you put together a flight plan and file it while I finish up here?”
“Okay Harm.”
Mac watched Mattie dance away before she rounded the plane and approached Harm. “You do know I’m just teasing don’t you?”
“Yup...but I had you worried, didn’t I?”
“Harmon Rabb Junior...You did that on purpose.”
“What?”
“Got all moody and quiet on me when I teased you.”
“Yeah...but I’ll make it up to you.”
“How will you do that?” Mac asked.
“I think of something good, I promise.”
“And you always keep your promises don’t you?” Mac whispered amazed at the effect this man had on her.
“I certainly try.”
“I know.”
Mac waited in the Lexus and read her book while they played in the sky for about an hour. When they landed, Mattie hopped out and came running toward her. Mac got out of the car and went to meet her.
“Everything okay?”
“Great! Harm wants to know if you’d like to go up for a little while.”
“I don’t know,” Mac hesitated.
“Mac, it would mean a lot to Harm if you’d give him another chance.”
“Did he say that?”
“No...but I know Harm.”
“You’re right...I’ll go.”
Mattie helped Mac get the headgear on and handed her the gloves she had worn.
“It’s a bit colder up there. You’ll want these. I’m going to get some cocoa ready for when you get back.”
“Okay.”
“Have fun.”
“I will.”
Mac made her way to where Harm waited and got herself into the front seat and strapped in.
“New headset?”
“Yeah. I got it to make it easier to coach Mattie when she flies with me.”
“Another sign that you’re a good Dad.”
Harm took Mac up and they stayed near the airfield and played. It was pretty cold, but Harm loved hearing Mac’s laughter. He had been looking for a way to make her laugh again for so long.
When they landed they were both chilled but enjoying each others company. Mac helped Harm tie down the Stearman before they went into to get the cocoa Mattie had promised them.
“Are you warm enough Mac?”
“I’m okay.” Harm reached for Mac’s hand.
“You’re freezing. I’m sorry Mac, I guess I shouldn’t have kept you up as long.”
“We weren’t up long.”
Harm smiled. “How long were we up, Miss Swiss Watch?”
“Twenty-six minutes and thirteen seconds,” Mac confidently answered as they entered the hangar.
“No way Mac...try fifty-six minutes.”
“I’d about giving up on you two,” Mattie smiled as she joined them handing them each a mug of hot chocolate.
“Harm’s trying to convince me he had me up there almost an hour,” Mac explained to Mattie.
“You were.”
“No.”
“Her clock stopped Mattie and she’s having trouble believing it,” Harm teased.
They finally convinced her that they were putting one over on her just as Tom Johnson joined them.
“Looks like you two will have a rough trip back to DC.”
“Why’s that Tom?” Harm asked.
“I just got a report that its snowing in the city already.”
“Harm you guys better get going. I’ll ride back with Dad.”
“You sure?” Harm asked. “I was going to treat everyone to pizza.”
“Better take a raincheck,” Mattie told him.
“Alright. Do I get a hug before I hit the road?” Harm asked the teenager.
“I guess I can spare one for you,” Mattie grinned. “Reduce altitude.”
Harm bent down and Mattie buzzed his cheek with a kiss. Mac smiled. Now she knew where he had picked up that little habit he’d been using on her. She watched as Mattie wrapped her arms around Harm and snuggled against him while he rested his face on her hair and held her naturally in a gentle hug.
“Take care Mattie, and we’ll see you soon.” Harm said as he released her.
“Thanks for coming Mac. Will you come with him again?”
“I’d like that Mattie.”
“Cool.” Mattie hugged Mac quickly, but it was a start.
Waving good-bye they headed for the city and another snowstorm.
Next morning
JAG Headquarters
Mac was sent with Vukovic to deal with piracy in the Straits of Malacca. She was going to miss the party introducing the Roberts twins and she was going to have to put up with her biggest headache yet on this assignment. General Creswell swore that Vukovic and Rabb were too much alike so Mac was stuck with the task. Normally this assignment would be right up here ally, even though she was being sent to the same area that Webb had supposedly been killed. Even though he was alive and well and she was totally over him in a romantic way, that event coincided with other events that caused her emotions to run high. It was going to make the job ahead that much trickier.
While Mac was sent to one side of the world, Harm was being called back to Florida to access the latest damages from the most recent hurricane. It made it a little easier knowing they were both gone.
Mac and Vukovic had a commercial flight for the first part of their trip. She was glad that they had not been seated together. She wanted time to figure out what it was that bothered her the most about the Lieutenant’s attitude. Reclined in her seat with her eyes shut, Mac decided to let her mind explore a few things, and if she should fall asleep, it would be a bonus.
Besides trying to get a handle on Vukovic, she was stymied as to why she was holding something back in regards to Harm. He was making it pretty clear that he wanted them to move forward. He was inching his way beyond the barriers she had erected around herself when the whole Lt. Singer debacle had exploded on them. She knew that Harm had not been involved with Singer, but the hurt little girl inside of her felt that Harm had finally shown his feet of clay after all the time they had been together. She had built walls around herself and not being allowed to see him had given them time to set.
When Webb had tapped her for his mission in Paraguay, she had needed to see Harm before she left. With just moments to spare she had stopped for a visit to discover that he was like the others and wanted to control her - or so her thought in that moment when he had asked her not to go on the mission. It had reminded her of Mic in that moment and so she had walked away and took the mission determined more then ever to see it through. Mac knew now that Clayton Webb had fed her doubts and once again he made a plain simple declaration and she was ready to embrace him and take his words of love at face value. Harm’s voice saying, “The men you pick,” was clear in her mind.
Why can’t I stop myself when a man is obvious about his interest in me? I know I do it but I can’t seem to stop myself. Maybe that’s why I don’t want to deal with Vukovic. He’s young, charming, good looking, and he flatters me. Getting involved with him would be fraternization and I’m not going there...but if he comes on strong can I stand up to it? I can’t answer that. I don’t know what I’ll do....and that’s what’s holding me back. That’s why I won’t go to Harm and meet him half way...because I don’t trust myself and I won’t do that to him.
Focusing on the real issues was exhausting and Mac fell into a deep sleep. When she awoke, Lt. Vukovic was at her side.
“How did you managed to switch seats?” Mac asked him.
“Just kept trading to I got here. You know you are a beautiful woman.”
“I’m a marine and your superior officer and you’d do well to remember that, Lieutenant.”
“Yes Ma’am.”
Mac looked away and thought to herself. Good job so far Mac. Keep up the good work and maybe soon you can trust yourself around charmers enough to go to Harm.
PART 4
One week later
Once again Harm and Mac arrived back almost at the same time. Mac called Harm’s cell phone to leave him a message that she was almost home and to call when he got in. She headed for Georgetown from Dulles, glad that they had been able to get a commercial flight home after their mission. She felt great about several things on that mission, not the least of which was impressing another man with her kick butt abilities. It wasn’t something they expected from a JAG and certainly not a beautiful female JAG. She knew she had earned some respect from her charge on that mission.
Harm checked his voice mail on his cell phone while he walked to his car. One message from Mattie asking him if the hurricane got him and telling him to call. The second was from Mac. He checked his watch and realized he had just missed her call. She was on her way home at that moment. He jumped into the Lexus and headed for Georgetown. He had missed her.
He had just parked on the street when he saw her car approach. She slowed down and rolled her window down.
“Hey Sailor. Just get here?”
“Yeah. I hope you don’t mind me stopping by like this.”
“Not at all. Go on up and I’ll be right there.”
Harm locked his car and trotted across the street and up the outside stairs. She was just stepping off the elevator when he entered her hall. He kissed her cheek and took control of her bags.
“I know, you’re a Marine...but humor me this once.”
“Thank you Harm.”
They ended up ordering out and sharing their mission experiences until it was once again almost midnight.
“I’ve got to go.”
“It’s late Harm...why don’t you camp here tonight?”
“Thanks Mac, but I don’t think that would be a good idea tonight.”
“Why not?”
“Mac,” Harm said pleading for her to understand just by the way he said her name.
“I guess you’re right.”
“Walk me to the door?”
“Okay.”
Harm slipped his jacket on and then started to open her apartment door but closed it again and reached for her. She heard him say, “I missed you Mac,” before his lips took hers in a gentle kiss.
While she was still recovering from the effects of that simple gesture, he went out and shut the door behind him leaving a bemused woman in his wake. Smiling she touched her lips where his had been and then shut off the light and headed for her bed. That kiss was going to keep her awake all night or give her sweet dreams. She wasn’t sure which it would be.
Next morning
JAG Headquarters
“You’re looking well rested after your trip, Ma’am,” Bud greeted Mac as she stepped off the elevator.
“Thank you Bud...I am. How are Harriet and the babies?”
“Great Ma’am. You’ll have to come over and see everyone seeing as you missed the party.”
“Sorry about that Bud. It couldn’t be helped.”
“I know. It’s just not the same anymore without Admiral Chegwidden, you and Commander Rabb at our gatherings.”
“Good morning Harm.”
“Mac. Bud.”
“Talk to Mattie yet?” Mac asked.
“No. By the time I got home last night it was too late and I over slept so there was no time this morning. I’ll talk to her later. So what’s on the docket today?” Harm asked.
“Staff call in five minutes, Sir...Ma’am.”
General Creswell announced that the JAG conference was moving to San Diego to get them out of the cold and snow for a change. While Mac, Mayfield, Creswell and Vukovic were going, Sturgis and Bud were scheduled to be in court and Harm was tapped as the JAG in Creswell absence.
Needing to deal with laundry so that she could turn around and pack for another trip tied up Mac’s time. They were leaving on Wednesday for San Diego. There was no time for Harm and Mac to spend another stolen evening together while Harm came up to speed as the JAG and Mac packed her bags.
Mattie and Harm played phone tag but Harm was pleased that Mattie was happy and things were going well for her, even though he missed her. He had enjoyed spending the day with Mattie and Mac that day. He knew without a doubt that he saw a young Mac in Mattie originally which is why he had been so taken with her. He wanted to do for her what he had wished someone would have done for Mac when she had been hurt, lost and alone as a young teenager. He certainly hadn’t expected that Mattie would give as much back to him and help heal the little lost, lonely hurt kid inside of him. But that’s what she had done.
Harm was given the chance to demonstrate why he made a good JAG, when he reviewed Commander Turners case with him and approved his settlement after a few clarifying questions. His reward was seeing the surprise on Turner’s face when he announced his approval. Harm hadn’t had time to enjoy his silent gloat however, because at that exact moment, Petty Officer Coates appeared and gave him the message that would send his world into a tail spin yet again.
Harm excused Turner and Coates as he grabbed for the phone. “Commander Rabb. What’s happened?”
“Sir, we were asked by Tom Johnson to notify you that Mathilda Johnson was brought into emergency following an airplane collision. She is alive at this time, but Mr. Johnson has asked that you join him here as soon as possible.”
“Can you tell me how bad she’s hurt? Is she conscious?”
“I’m sorry sir, I’m not at liberty to give you details regarding her injuries, but Mr. Johnson asked me to tell you that she is in a coma and on life support and he doesn’t understand what the doctors are telling him.”
“Thank you for that. Listen, I have to find coverage and get permission to leave my post...It’s a three hour drive at best...I should be able to get there in about four hours. Please let Mr. Johnson know...and if there are any changes, please call my cell phone.” Harm gave them the number and then hung up. He immediately put in a call to Creswell but couldn’t get an answer. Harm then tried the SecNav, getting through immediately.
“What can I go for you Commander Rabb?”
“Thank you for taking my call, sir,” Harm paused trying to maintain military decorum while desperately needing to be there for Mattie. “Sir, As you know General Creswell left me in charge here at JAG while he is at conference in San Diego. Unfortunately I have a family emergency sir and I was unable to reach the General. I would like authorization from you to leave Commander Turner in charge while I deal with the situation sir.”
“Is it life or death Commander?”
Harm drew on every bit of composure he could muster before answering the pointed question he did not want to deal with. “Yes Sir, it is.”
“Is it your mother?”
“No sir, I have a ward from the state of Virginia that was just recently reunited with her father. Her mother is deceased. She is like a daughter to me sir and her father has asked that I assist him in dealing with some of the medical concerns.”
“I see. And how long was she a part of your family?”
“She Basically lived with me for over a year, sir.”
“I see. I want you to check in with Turner daily until Creswell returns or until he grants permission for you to take the leave. There is a reason you were left in charge and not Turner this time.”
“Aye, aye sir. Thank you.”
“I hope everything turns out well for your family, Commander.”
“Thank you sir.” Harm hung up and buzzed Coates. “Petty Officer please join me in the office and close the door behind you.”
“Sir?” Jennifer asked, her voice shaky.
“It’s not good. How much did they tell you?”
“Not much.”
“I’ll explain what I know. She was in an airplane that collided with another airplane. She’s in a coma and is on life support and Tom wants me there. They said its too soon to tell much more until the specialist gets there.”
“Are you going out there?”
“Yes. Commander Turner will deal with anything that can’t wait. I’ll check in twice a day until further notice. I’ll keep trying to reach the General.”
“You want me to send Commander Turner in?”
“Yes...and Jennifer?”
“Yes.”
“I’ll keep you posted.”
“If Colonel Mackenzie calls?”
“Tell her I’ll call, but fill her in for me please.”
“Yes sir.”
“Thanks Jennifer.”
“Drive carefully sir.”
Visitor’s Quarters
San Diego
Mac put her cell phone away again and leaned on the balcony looking at the stars overhead. She felt horrible putting Harm off when he called, but the reality didn’t hit her until after she thought about his call. There had been something in his voice that had alerted her that something wasn’t the same in his voice, but she chalked it up to loneliness until someone mentioned Bud Roberts during dinner.
The reality slammed into Mac then. Oh my God, he was upset about something...something has happened and he was reaching out to me and I wasn’t there for him...I had to go eat, and in typical Harmon Rabb fashion, he puts aside his needs for someone else.
“Damn! Why didn’t I realize sooner that something was wrong?” Mac grabbed her cell phone and regardless of the hour on the east coast she tried to call him. She wasn’t surprised to get his voice mail. It was nearly zero one hundred on the east coast. She decided to leave him a message.
“Harm, it’s Mac...I’m sorry I didn’t take your call earlier...what’s happened? Is it your mother? Mattie? You? Please call me as soon as you get this and fill me in okay? I miss you Harm.” Mac ended the call and started to put her phone away when it rang. Without checking her caller ID she answered, “Harm?”
“Sorry Colonel, it’s Jennifer Coates, Ma’am.”
“Is Harm okay?”
“Physically, yes, but Mattie’s been hurt...he’s falling apart Ma’am.”
“Tell me what happened Coates.”
Jennifer recited what little she knew from talking to Harm.
“What’s her prognosis? How’s Tom handling this?”
“The doctors haven’t said and for now Tom’s hanging in there. Ma’am, the Commander was unable to reach the General to ask permission for emergency leave so he’s checking in with my twice a day and anything that can’t wait Commander Turner is handling. Can you help get word to the General Ma’am?”
“Of course. Harm did get permission to go didn’t he?”
“Yes Ma’am. He called the SecNav.”
“Good. If you talk to him tell him I’m trying to call him back, okay?”
“Yes Ma’am.”
“Thanks for filling me in Jennifer.”
“I’m worried about them both Ma’am. It reminds me of when he was so strong for all of us when Commander Roberts was hurt, even though her was hurting too.”
“Yes...I know that better then anyone. Trying and keep him together Coates.”
“I’ll do my best Ma’am.”
Mac tried reaching the General next, but couldn’t get a response. She figured he had turned off his cell or the battery was down. She talked to him in the morning. She tried Harm again and got his voice mail again.
“Harm, its me again. I just talked to Jennifer. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you..I should have known you wouldn’t have called for no reason. Please call me...and take care of yourself. I’ll talk to the General first thing in the morning. Call me when you get this. I need to know how she’s doing too. I’ll be there with you as soon as I can.”
0530 Local
Harm’s Apartment
The alarm went off and he flew out of bed and hit the shower. He threw two sets of civilian clothes in a bag and dressed in a clean uniform. He checked his messages while he waited for his breakfast. Mac had called and left two messages for him. He listened to both of them and the messages from Coates, Turner, and Harriet Roberts. He relaxed when he knew there were no more calls from the hospital. They had kicked him out at twenty-two hundred the night before and nothing he did or said would change their minds. They threatened to have security remove him and then bar him from the hospital, but he couldn’t risk it so he had left Tom sitting with Mattie.
He had driven home arriving about the time Mac had called with her first message. He had fallen into bed and sleep had claimed him right away. With four hours sleep, he was heading for JAG. He hoped to get in and out early so he could be at the hospital by the time visiting hours began. He needed to be there for himself, for Mattie and for Tom.
Harm knew seeing Jennifer would be tough, but he kept his military bearing in mind and handled the situation with the calm confidence he had used when Bud was hurt. He also tried to calm himself and remind himself that Bud had beaten the odds and made it, and that Mattie could too.
Harm finally reached General Creswell at zero eight hundred local time, five am on the west coast. “Sir, I’ve been trying to reach you. I’ve had an emergency and requested permission from the SecNav to lead JAG to deal with the situation during the day. I’m trying to check in each morning for a couple of hours and then call in each afternoon. Commander Turner is handling anything that can’t wait. May I have your permission to continue this pattern until you return sir?”
“Who’s involved in the emergency Commander and is it life or death?”
“Its my ward, sir, she’s like a daughter to me...she’s in a coma and on life support. They haven’t given us a prognosis and they’re telling us decisions may have to be made.”
“Her parents?”
“Her mother is deceased sir, and her father is a recovering alcoholic, only recently on the wagon. He’s asked for my assistance sir.”
“I prefer you handle as much as possible until I get back in about two days, but I know you are needed elsewhere as well...anyone with a family knows your dilemma. You’ve handled it well.”
“Yes sir. Thank you General.”
“Carry on Commander.”
“Aye, aye sir.” Grabbing his cover and brief case with some papers to review, he made his escape getting on the road to Blacksburg before zero nine hundred. When he arrived at noon time Tom Johnson was gone. Harm asked around and discovered that Tom had apparently left shortly after he had the night before. Before he left he did manage to find a notary to witness his signature giving written consent for the hospital to recognize Commander Harmon Rabb Junior as parent for Mathilda Grace Johnson on his behalf.
After Harm got an update from the doctor he sat with Mattie, talking to her. He just felt that if she knew he was there and that no matter what he would be there for her she could fight this and win.
As the day wore on and progress was not forthcoming and Tom Johnson didn’t return, Harm began to face that he might have to make the tough decisions on his own. As things got more and more difficult, Harm knew he was pulling inside himself. It was the way he had survived during tough times before ...alone... resolved... determined... and he would do it again. He also knew that as soon as he let his guard down the tiniest bit, he would fall apart.
Unlike when Bud was injured Mac wasn’t here to pull him together when the meltdown came...so he would keep it together until he knew she was there for him...or until he was totally alone at home once again.
Tom Johnson finally showed up late that afternoon and Harm knew he had been drinking. He did his best to fill the man in on his daughter and to discuss the notarized consent for the hospital to deal with Harm.
“Tom, Mattie needs you.”
“I can’t do it Commander. She needs you more then me. I can’t do this anymore.”
“Knock it off Tom. Go home. Get some food and some sleep and come back tomorrow to support this girl.”
“I can’t...I just can’t...” Tom muttered over and over as he left the room, the hospital and the wagon for good.
Three Days later
JAG Headquarters
“Jennifer have you heard from Commander Rabb?”
“Yes Ma’am. He called yesterday afternoon and said that as long as you and the General were back today he wouldn’t be in again until Monday.”
“Its going to kill him if he has to decide what to do about life supports, you know that as well as I do.”
“Yes Ma’am. He did say the doctors said they were seeing some brain activity which was small but a slight improvement.”
“Good...any improvement is a step in the right direction. I just wish he would return my calls.”
“I know Ma’am...”
“I’m going to check with the General and try to secure early today to go see him myself.”
“He’ll probably push you away Ma’am.”
“I know...but I’ve got to try.”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
After getting permission from the General to secure early and promising to tell Harm that the General told him he could take as much time as he needed, she changed into civilian attire she had in the car and headed out on a three hour drive.
As Mac drove she thought about the things she had started to realize about herself since dealing with Lt. Vukovic. His charm didn’t take her breath away. His familiarity wasn’t cute or persistent but pathetic. His attempts at pushing the limit were not heroic as there was something in it for himself - another win, a point to prove, the thrill of getting the upper hand. His appreciation for her beauty left her cold.
The reality slowly dawned on Mac as she drove toward Harm. She was finally in a place where she knew what she wanted. She would not be tempted by any good looking guy. She had tested the waters and kissed a few frogs and now more then ever she knew who her prince was. Somewhere in this past year she had bridged that gulf that had been between them, and she was getting close to where she could let go. Going to Harm now was the first step. He wasn’t in a place where he would be receptive, and she knew that. But she could be there for him to support him and console him if necessary.
She shook her head with a discouraged chuckle at the irony. Now she was ready to go to him, and he wasn’t in a place to know what he wanted for himself. A year ago, she was the one that wasn’t ready to accept him and he had informed her he would be there when she was ready. He had confirmed it for her when he came to her in the hospital on Christmas Eve promising her that he was still there and nothing had changed. He still wanted to be a part of her life. Fate was certainly giving them a run for their money.
PART 5
Outside Mattie’s Room
Blacksburg Hospital
Harm watched Mattie and the equipment that was keeping her alive. He knew Mac was bound to show up sooner or later and he was dreading it. Mac had a habit of making him confront things he wasn’t ready to deal with. She would ask questions he didn’t have answers for. An